Gawd, you can't even complete the deal in your fantasies?

I'm sure there was an imaginary cockblocker in there somewhere.

Ogged: always looking out for her needs.

...which is why we end up with the situation in #1.

lots of black on gray

You omitted "homicide".

Title s/b "A Lunch Date Dream!"

Ogged has been behaving disturbingly recently. Perhaps someone should inform blog security.

I missed the steps between "undeterred" and "I'm hungry." Did she just up and say this? Were the HIV notification and I'm hungry declaration immediately successive notnows to your dream self?

What do you have? Thai is usually best in that situation, though some prefer a nice kafta kebab.

she said she was hungry

HIV and Prader-Willi syndrome? That sucks.

Once again, I assert that recounting one's dreams is a conversational faux pas.

Do you have reasons for your assertion?

I totally agree with 11. Because it prompts everyone else to tell their boring-ass dream, too. This post was sufficiently concise, but that's the exception when it comes to "Let me tell you about a dream I had..."

I generally agree with 11 but believe there is an exception for sex dreams.

"Jesus, I tell him I've got HIV and he *still* wants to fuck ... maybe if I tell him I'm hungry?"

Stop messing with these dream-bitches, Ogged; you deserve better, in your dreams at least.

Also, please tell me that I was all, "Oh babe, I'm sorry. Well, we could..." wasn't you telling her "Sorry, honey. Sucks for you....you know, you could still give me a blowjob...."

"I generally agree with 11 but believe there is an exception for sex dreams."

As long as you comply with the further exception that you cannot mention that the sex dream involved a co-worker.

12: Because dreams are A) inherently incoherent narratives, and therefore, not so interesting; and B) inherently unsharable experiences, and therefore, not so interesting.

16 Actually, her hearing was also bad. Ogged said, "Then would you like me to eat you out?" and she said, "Sure, let's go out to eat."

you could still give me a blowjob...

Because I'm a feminist.

20: Are you sure you didn't suggest she might like a "protein shake"? Maybe that's how food came up.

C'mon Ogged, it was really the dolphin video that got you going, wasn't it? And when the dolphin turned into Michael Phelps, well...

We were neckin' and we heard a mysterious whistle, and it was all over...

I've had similar type dreams where, just as things are getting started, I am thrust into the realization that it is all a dream. I struggle to remain in the dream notwithstanding, but my lady friend is no longer there, my surroundings dissolve, etc. Although this would seem frustrating, at the time it really isn't, and I proceed into the next adventure.

I would guess dreams are often about the social interaction surrounding sex, usually with odd mishaps and misunderstandings, which your dream self is utterly helpless to laugh your way through, and your dream partner, not being anything but a projection anyway, doesn't help you overcome.

I'd be amazed if anybody's dream were actually about having sex, as opposed to this stuff.

I struggle to remain in the dream notwithstanding, but my lady friend is no longer there, my surroundings dissolve,

...and I awake to find I've been jerking off the dog.

I'd be amazed if anybody's dream were actually about having sex,

What? I've had some great sex in dreams.

26 to 27.

Shut up, hooker.

What? I've had some great sex in dreams

My mileage varies from yours and I'm burning oil; if I've ever actually had sex in a dream I don't remember it.

Ok, now people should share their own stupid dreams to back me up.

Without revealing too much, how does one have a "wet" dream without it being a sex dream? Include dolphins and/ or dogs at your peril.

Only sexually frustrated people have real sex in their dreams, ogged.

I once had a wet dream about Vaira Vīķe-Freiberga, President of Latvia.

Here you go, ogged.

34: Not just you.

No more linking, ok?

Your prohibition will work about as well as the last one, I predict.

My fool-proof anonymity has been blown. Apo, I challenge you to a duel. Guns at dawn, in Hoboken.

(although I bow before your Googling skills. Four minutes!)

Fucking co-bloggers.

Oops, I wasn't trying to blow your cover, Mr. Burr. I figured everybody had stern hottie wet dreams.

Fucking co-bloggers.

That was already exposed as an April Fools joke. I'll not link.

I have had actual sex in many dreams. Sometimes, though, it's like we're making out at a party and there are people around, and for some reason there's nowhere we can go to do it.

Unfortunately, while a lot of my sex dreams involve real-life people I actually know and desire to have sex with, some of them are about whoever I've been spending time with--roommates, buddies, relatives, etc., and so the dream then goes on to have to deal with the social complications of doing those various people and the guilt and self-loathing about it.

My dreams are annoyingly realistic in the way they play out, even if the situations themselves are absurd.

S'ok. Just a useful reminder of the need for circumspection in online communication.

You can only think things once in this crowd.

You can only think things once

And some of us don't even get that far!

Sometimes, though, it's like we're making out at a party and there are people around, and for some reason there's nowhere we can go to do it

"Sex" in my dreams is always like that, never about the act itself and its sensations, always about the interaction and social situation. But I read you to say for you the act is sometimes dreamt.

for you the act is sometimes dreamt.

Totally, and in explicit physical detail. I am a lucky person, I gather.

33 wasn't serious. I've never known anyone who didn't occassionally have sex in their dreams, IDP. You may want to get that checked out by a doctor.

In the fifteen-odd months I've been commenting here, I've learned not to make any categorical statements about my own experience, because I may think of an exception after the question percolates awhile. But I don't remember dreaming of actually having sex. I'm not worried about this, and don't remember dreams very much or very often anyway.

I once had a wet dream about Vaira Vīķe-Freiberga

Sometimes I too dream about impressing foreign women by the ability to pronounce certain phonemes in their language which most foreigners cannot pronounce. The problem is that Vaira will not be impressed by your ability to palatalize consonants, because she is surrounded by men who can do that.

It wasn't consonants Aaron wanted to palatalize.

I've had only a couple of explicit sex dreams---that I've remembered.

cockblocked in your sleep! that pwns.

The alarmclockcockblock is the worst.

55

I thought you had kids?

Still have them, even.

55: Wasn't that a Dr. Seuss book?

Incubus and succubus. Your vocabulary words for today. They can suck out your soul, you know.

59: They can try. Bring 'em on!

58: This is Doc, he has a clock.
He sleeps and dreams of boots that knock.
Off come the shoes, off come the socks,
And Doc holds cock as hard as rock.
But now it's not just tick and tock
But ringclangding, wake with a shock.
Doc got alarmclock cockblocked.

Wow.

Apo, that doesn't have much of a Seussian rhyme scheme.

The dream babe is trying to tell you that the size of your cock is a boring subject, and she'd rather sit around and talk about politics.

61, 62:Yes, that's really good. Parody is a gift; it never even occurs to me to try. Several people here, Cala I remember particularly, can just do this casually, to my utter amazement.

she'd rather sit around and talk about politics.

Politics is just cocksmanship by another name.

Hm, I had the impression that dreaming actual, detailed sex in dreams was a bit like dreaming that you've died.

You know, the falling dream, in which you jerk yourself awake before you hit the ground. Somehow I had the idea that -- well, now I think of it, it would be experiencing orgasm that, according to the wisdom, doesn't actually happen in dreams.

I certainly can't remember any such dreams. I wouldn't know how a male wet dream operates.

in which you jerk yourself awake

Sometimes. But then you just go ahead and finish.

I certainly can't remember any such dreams

I have them, to completion, and I'm a lady.

I don't think I've ever had a wet dream, that I'm aware of.

I imagine you'd be aware of it. Unless... well, neveming. You'd be aware of it.

Also: really??

neveming s/b nevermind

69: But I've also died in dreams, so maybe I'm an outlier.

that dreaming actual, detailed sex in dreams was a bit like dreaming that you've died

This is right, right? Even if you finish, you don't dream you do? There's no postcoital pillow talk in dreams.

I cockblock myself in sexy dreams with some frequency.

I look around unsuccessfully for condoms, I tell the prospective partner that I really need to make sure it's okay with my wife before we get busy, I get called in to an emergency at work.

I'm a lady

Such low-hanging fruit, it demands to be pluck't...

(I have had wet dreams as a teenager, and as an adult have had sex dreams with dreamt orgasm which were not wet dreams.)

I mentioned in comments here that I frequently cock-block myself in (conscious, non-dream) sexual fantasies. Does anyone else here have this experience?

There's no postcoital pillow talk in dreams.

Only because in dreams, you can be all, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" and stuff.

Kidding. Actually, in mine, the postcoital business is really overwrought. Because it would not be fair for God to let me have awesome complete coitus-and-orgasm dreams while IDP gets none, I have to pay and pay with what seems like hours of post-coital dream-discussion of "Was this really the right thing to do? What if X finds out?" business.

78: Besides ogged?

80 -- But I'm making a distinction between dreams (where I can't really remember a case of auto-cockblocking) and waking sexual fantasies (where it is quite common). Our host -gg-d was describing the former, as I thought were you in 75. I think in the waking sexual fantasy the fantasy is more about getting hit on than about the mechanics -- coming up with a way to keep it from happening must be part of the turn-on for me in the fantasy.

69, 73:

AWB, odd question, but are you taking anti-depressants?

No, don't answer that, obviously.

But there is so-called vivid dreaming, extraordinarily realistic dreams, often brought on by certain anti-depressants. Perhaps you're naturally that way.

82: Actually, no, I'm not on any meds. Chicken Lady is high on life!

81: I wasn't referring to this post in 80, but to things like Lunch Date Lifeguard.

You know, the falling dream, in which you jerk yourself awake before you hit the ground.

I've heard, and this is probably wrong, that this is interestingly the wrong way around. What happens is that you twitch in your sleep, and then your brain reconstructs a plausible event to explain why you bounced. So the falling dream follows the fall.

82: This is a life-long issue I've had with my dreams. When I was a really little girl, I had horrible, excruciating nightmares from which I would awake trembling and crying for hours. I also had daytime hallucinations of horrible things happening, from the time I was 3 until age 13. Then puberty kicked in and all that freaky horrible imaginative power turned into positive things--exciting dreams, excellent concentration, musical discipline, etc. So I wonder if I do have some of the features of the people you're describing, except minus the diagnosis and the drugs?

Picking up on Cala's "falling dream follows the fall," which suggests that you make use of your memory of having the sensation of falling, so you have to have actually fallen to have it, I have the following question, from the depths of my incomprehension to AWB, sitting at the front desk of her holideck:

Did you ever have one of these complete-experience dreams before you had, er, had the experience? To what extent do the experiences of the dreams reflect actual rememberable sensations?

If my supposition is true, than I'd have been a full-grown adult for some time before it would have been possible for me to have such a dream. Not during my adolescence.

86:

Well, dunno. I am not a psychiatrist or neurologist.

I will say that the vivid dreams I had for a week or so on some anti-depressant years ago freaked the hell out of me, to the extent that there was absolutely no way I was going to stay on them. Call the doc: unacceptable.

Yeah, nightmares, dreams of being held at the bottom of a pit, extremely realistic, waking up shaking, as if it had really happened. Even the pleasant dreams, involving real life people, I had to discuss with myself: no, this didn't happen, but it sure as hell seems like it did.

Brain chemistry: serotonin. I suppose it's conceivable you have an unusual amount of serotonin flying between your synapses.

Did you ever have one of these complete-experience dreams before you had, er, had the experience? To what extent do the experiences of the dreams reflect actual rememberable sensations?

I have dreams about things I've never done, but they're not detailed with the same level of physical sensation as the ones about things I have done. I remember having intercourse dreams when I was a virgin, but they weren't physically real to me the way they are now. Same with dreams about other things--my bitchin' action-adventure dreams are very visual and aural, but, if my arm gets cut off in one of them, I can't really feel anything beyond an ache.

they weren't physically real to me the way they are now

You're saying they didn't hit your bottom? They didn't hit your walls and work the middle?

Don't start with me, Alexyss!

Weird -- when I glance at 89, not really reading it but just letting my eyes flow over it, about every other word seems to be "anal".

I had crazy vivid dreams when I was on anti-malaria pills while travelling.

Is there something you'd like to tell us, Clown?

I'm an open book, 'Po.

66: So you're saying women are interested in politics out of penis-envy?

Sexist.

So you're saying women are interested in politics out of penis-envy?

Other way around.

Men are interested in penis out of politics-envy?

I never know how many terms get reversed in these things.

They don't call him Big Dick Cheney for nothing.

Women's interest in sex is merely sublimated politics? Y'all didn't let us vote for so long b/c you were afraid of not getting laid? What?

The penile is the political, B.

They don't call him Big Dick Cheney for nothing.

Indeed.

I now have this image of AWB laying in bed next to an incubus and the incubus is saying, 'Honey, you know I want to, but I'm just worn out and I need to get some sleep. I feel drained.'

'Honey, you know I want to, but I'm just worn out and I need to get some sleep. I feel drained trying to get this rash to go away.'

104: Hee.

105: Harsh, apo. He had recently had surgery. (I say that like it means something. We never figured out what it was, but it went away.)

Incubus->succubus reassignment surgery?

Teh cancer, d00d.

I know about that guy, AWB. I'm talking about the incubus.

The incubus wouldn't have a rash, Mr. Apo. I humorlessly resent the suggestion.

Incubi are pretty ruddy-complected to begin with, no?

The incubus wouldn't have a rash, Mr. Apo.

I'm not so sure about that, AWB.

Wow, incubi are pretty bombastic.

The adjective "bombastic" always seems to me like it should be followed by ", duuuude" and possibly contain an internal "-freakin-".

115: Perhaps you're thinking of Boombastic?

112:
ruddy-awful-complected, you mean.

116: Oh, poo. I hoped that was a link to an mp3.

Shit, sorry for the tease. Here's some DJ Zebra to make amends (I think the mp3 links there still work). Actually, the best to link to would be the Shabba Ranks song but I can't find it right now.

Ooh! Thanks!

(Note to self: whine more often!)

103 is just oh so wrong.

I am AWB's sister is real-live having sex dreams that make it to the finish line, and also in general extreme dreaming experiences. I have had lots of insane sci-fi post-apocalypse dreams, for example, or even better, post-transhumanist stuff where confused people eke out an ape-like existence in the ruins of their mighty biospheres and floating cities. the sex dreams are sometimes great (come on, 3 way with brad pitt and jude "I suspect not" law) and sometimes unbelieveably awful (raped by zombies and having my nose filled with the formaldehyde and meat smell of them while I scrabble ineffectually at their dark blue suits, plastinated by 6 months in the coffin.) I will say that after the dream in which I was raped by actual in-person satan I figured that if I chanced to get knocked up that month, I like really, really shouldn't keep the baby.

"I will say that after the dream in which I was raped by actual in-person satan I figured that if I chanced to get knocked up that month, I like really, really shouldn't keep the baby."

That made me laugh out loud.

104: Honey, you know I want to, but I'm just so hungry.