Re: Survival

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Printouts of every Unfogged post and comment thread.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:34 PM
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For tinder.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:36 PM
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And toilet paper.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:37 PM
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Which reminds me, every Survivor contestant that shows up not knowing how to make a fucking fire deserves a kick to the groin.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:37 PM
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Kucinich is really short but his wife is all super-tall, right? He's thinking practically; I'd bet there's a lot of relatively clean meat on a tall vegan.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:40 PM
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Also, the words "not knowing how to make a fucking fire" are superfluous in 5.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:41 PM
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I mean, in 4.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:41 PM
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Sunscreen. Never forget your sunscreen.

Hell, if it's a desert island, there won't be any potable water or substantial plant life to survivie on, so taking a big bottle of, say, Oxycontin, would probably be the best idea. No sense prolonging the pain of death-by-dehydration.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:42 PM
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7: "4" s/b "6".


Posted by: DaveB | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:43 PM
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2 and 3: Absolutely.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:47 PM
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6: really. It's excusable on the first Survivor, maybe, but on the innumerable sequels? Is there any reason you wouldn't attend at least a couple Boy Scout meeting so you could Be Prepared?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:48 PM
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Richardson's answer makes me suspect that he's running as the Manly-Man Democrat.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:48 PM
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Nobody said a gun? And nobody but Kucinich said Kucinich's wife? What a pack of complete fucking sissies.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:48 PM
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9: Oh...snap?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:49 PM
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Richardson's answer makes me suspect that he's running as the Manly-Man Democrat.

After reading this I went to see if his answer was "Your mom".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:49 PM
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I'd have to go with a DVD box set of Man vs. Wild. Might as well leave an ironic corpse.


Posted by: tom | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:52 PM
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Huckabee's "laptop with satellite reception" seems more practical than "boat."


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:52 PM
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I think the correct answer is "Whoever thought up this dumb ass hypothetical so they can die of dehydration, too."


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:53 PM
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Unless he spends all his time printing out the Unfogged archives.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:53 PM
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17: Someone on the Drum site suggested one of those radio distress beacons with the GPS built in so that it can broadcast your location. Better to leave the sailing to the professionals.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:54 PM
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To take the question seriously, while "Boat" is a good sarcastic answer, isn't the obvious practical answer a machete? For an all around necessary tool, you could hardly do better.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 2:54 PM
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21: Actually, tarp is better. It can be used to rig up a ghetto still even in the desert. Of course, you'll also need a pan of some sort to collect/cleanse/distill the water, and if there are any plants around then a machete will be almost a necessity for getting around and collecting food and vine water...

So Mr. or Ms. One Item is screwed no matter what, though I would give Brownback the best odds excluding the joke answers.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:00 PM
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I didn't see anything about Tutsis on the island.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:00 PM
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If it's a pitcher's-mound-with-palm-tree desert island, as in old-time one-panel cartoons, a tarp, to protect against exposure—I'm very pale—or capture any rain you might get is actually about the most practical thing I can think of. Tancredo is one of those loons who makes sense within his absurd little world.

A several-acre wooded island, or several square mile one as in Treasure Island, a cutting edge capable of heavy and light use, and doubling as a weapon. Sounds like a machete.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:02 PM
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What you really want is not only a tarp and a pan to collect the water, but a long rubber tube that you can have sitting in the pan and leading out from which you can drink the water. If you have to remove the tarp every time you need access to the water, the amount of water you can collect in a day decreases markedly. Better only to remove the tarp to toss in fresh plant matter.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:02 PM
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A Real Doll. You don't have to share any of the food and water, and no backtalk.

But perhaps not the best answer if you're running for president.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:02 PM
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pwned by everybody, I see.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:03 PM
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22: Right. With a machete you can make stuff out of big leaves, open coconuts, chop firewood, use it as a lever to move rocks, clean fish, open shellfish, sharpen sticks to use as spears... assuming desert means deserted rather than waterless, a machete's going to do you a lot more good than a tarp.

(These thoughts come to you courtesy of a combination of Peace Corps experience, and recently watching Cast Away at my inlaws. Man, did Tom Hanks not survive that movie. I couldn't watch it without muttering "He just died" every five minutes.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:06 PM
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A nuclear weapon and note-taking supplies.

Wait, that's two things.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:09 PM
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A grocery store.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:10 PM
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A shovel.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:11 PM
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31: Seriously? Why a shovel?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:12 PM
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30: Ha! Good answer.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:14 PM
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Dig home.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:14 PM
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The cast of Lost, because they'd know what to do.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:15 PM
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34 - That only works if you're stuck on a Chinese desert island.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:17 PM
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You could at least make it to Canada.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:18 PM
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37: Make sure you time it right.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:21 PM
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I'm afraid the other side of the world for almost all of North America is water.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:21 PM
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A hatchet and a smaller knife. Maybe a magnesium firestarter if permitted.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:23 PM
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So you dig at an angle.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:23 PM
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Saddamite.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:24 PM
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39: You just need the right island.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:25 PM
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I pick Manhattan.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:26 PM
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Now everybody leave.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:27 PM
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Sorry, right island.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:27 PM
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28: Ok, assuming you're stuck on a forested tropical island such as the Samoan islands, a machete is certainly the right answer. You won't lack too much for clean water, shelter or building materials, so your main priorities will be collecting food and creating vessels to collect water.

In other environments, you're mostly trying to secure water and shelter. The machete won't be a huge help in that without the enormous leaves or thinner branches of tropical trees and palms (you'd be better off with a hatchet).

Admittedly I've never been stuck in these situations yet, but this book has been a good companion in most of my rural travels.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:30 PM
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An abalone.


Posted by: hermit greg | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:30 PM
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Better!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:31 PM
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47: Yeah, I was kind of assuming the island was selected to give you a shot at survival. Anyplace much less hospitable than the Samoan archipelago you're going to die regardless of what you bring with you.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:38 PM
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Would you, for sure? If you could catch some fish, you could live for a while--that would be food and probably just enough liquid to keep you going--until the scurvy got ya.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:41 PM
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I think you don't die of scurvy from a mostly-fish diet.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:42 PM
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Is there no low-tech way to desalinate water? If you have water in something with a top, don't you get evaporated/reconstituted water at the top? Is that still salty?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:42 PM
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However, if you're relying on the fish to keep you hydrated, I think you're probably in trouble.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:43 PM
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I think you don't die of scurvy from a mostly-fish diet.

There you go. Natural lifespan, baby.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:43 PM
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That wasn't nice, JM.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:44 PM
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With fish and water you can last quite a while.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:44 PM
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Is there no low-tech way to desalinate water?

I'm pretty sure that the answer to that is no, and if there were, the world needs to know about it right now.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:44 PM
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For low volumes (like, for one person) you can do things like make a dew-catcher.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:47 PM
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Summary, Tweety?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:47 PM
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53: A low-tech still will get rid of almost all of the salt, enough to make it drinkable. That's actually how the majority of desalinized water in the world is processed.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:47 PM
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saran-wrap pyramid will do it. so you'd want saran-wrap.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:48 PM
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58: It's low-tech, it just requires one hell of a lot of energy for a large-scale process.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:49 PM
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Dang thought I could get away with half-assed googling. Give me a second, I only barely remember it from "Voyage of the Mimi."

They do something similar in the NYorker article I linked.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:52 PM
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Solar still.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:52 PM
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65 is it.

Some other ideas.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:54 PM
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Interesting that DK considers his wife an item.

And, wow, jealous of him:


The one-time Democratic presidential candidate married 27-year-old Elizabeth Harper on Sunday in a park alongside Cleveland City Hall. It was the third marriage for the twice-divorced Kucinich, who is 58.

The marriage license says the bride was born in Upminster, England. Her English home is located in a rural area near a tenth-century church about 25 miles east of London.

The bride is a consultant for a monetary-policy think tank in Chicago.


Posted by: Counterfly | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:55 PM
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Remember, so wrong, it's right.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 3:59 PM
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If you're on a desert island, you're not worried about the cleanliness of any fresh water available, so you don't need the solar still to make clean water. This is a guess, but I'd say that if you're relying on a solar still to make fresh water -- evaporating sea water because there's no fresh water available -- that you're going to die: you're in a low-enough humidity environment that the amount of water you're going to get out of the still won't make up for the sweating you do managing it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:06 PM
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Who needs a grocery store? Amazon delivers groceries now. I'm with the guy who said a laptop and a wireless connection.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:22 PM
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39: Botswana, baby! Whether that's an improvement on someplace in the middle of the ocean I do not know.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:22 PM
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69: What if you have shade?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:27 PM
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Satellite phone'd be nice, for sure.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:27 PM
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Re: fish and salt water diet: the late Dr. Alain Bombard (cool name!) proved fairly decisively that you can live a long time on a diet of fish, plankton and small amounts of sea-water. See Wikipedia.

Re: cutting tools: Either a machete or a hatchet would probably be just as useful. Or you could bring a Woodsman's Pal, those are pretty cool.

Re: Castaway (Robert Zemeckis, 2000): The whole point of the movie is that the most important survival tool is good morale/creative problem-solving skills. But failing that, the contents of the one package that Tom Hanks' character doesn't open -- a fully charged, prepaid satellite phone -- runs a close second.

I'm not sure of the veracity of this statistic, but Cody Lundin, author of 98.6: The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive claims that most survival situations last just 72 hours before rescuers arrive to find either a survivor or a corpse. So the morale part can be just as important as the water.

Semi-pwnage upon preview.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:35 PM
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74: unfogged-digest


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:37 PM
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Whaddya mean? A bunch of it was original.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:44 PM
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It summed up the entire conversation, including the points you hadn't made yet.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:46 PM
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Thread appropriate.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:50 PM
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There are reasons why we do this "culture" thing.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 4:55 PM
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78: Hmph. I'm not against pushing your limits, but that whole thing sounds like a needless exercise in machismo and groupthink. If you want to know how long you can go without water, just stop drinking water. You can do it in the comfort of your own home. Doing it out in the desert where you could die is a lot crazier and stupider than any of the body modification stuff we were discussing the other day.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:05 PM
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That's a terrible story.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:07 PM
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But the real question is whether one can make decent fondant with only a machete and a solar still.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:09 PM
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That is terrible. The Times just did a puff piece about Bernstein, the camp's owner, a week or two ago.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:10 PM
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Link.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:11 PM
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Of course, if you really want to survive, it helps not to be an immigrant in LA.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:13 PM
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Something is fucked up when people have to work that hard at making difficulties for themselves. After thousands of years of war and pestilence and early death, we're lucky enough to live in a time and place where we can get clean water from a tap in the kitchen whenever we want it. And do we appreciate that? No, we we have to go try to prove we'd have been kick-ass Apaches.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:15 PM
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Don't you guys watch movies? The most essential things you need to survive on a desert island are Scarlett Johannson and a skimpy outfit for her to wear during the early part of the ordeal.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:17 PM
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I thought that was a volleyball.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:19 PM
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78. Darwin award winner or also ran, you be the judge.
85. Helpful urban survival skill- do not throw rocks at riot cops. They won't think it is as funny as you do.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:20 PM
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The book "deep survival" is pretty good:

http://www.amazon.com/Deep-Survival-Who-Lives-Dies/dp/0393326152/ref=ed_oe_p/102-7040267-9588112


Interestingly, page 170 says that kids 6 and under have pretty good wilderness survival rates--- better than kids 7-12. Kids 6 and under tend to just focus on getting comfortable. Staying warm and the like.


Posted by: joeo | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:22 PM
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"Desert" v. "tropical" - these are politicians - do you want to give them a fighting chance??


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:22 PM
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89: Yes, yes TLL, I'm sure those grandmothers and small children who got beat up really had it coming to them.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:40 PM
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I am disturbed that Huckabee made the answer that seemed the most realistic to me.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:41 PM
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91: Doesn't the "desert" in "desert island" mean wild and uninhabited (or at least uncivilized; cannibals may be allowed) rather than waterless? I kind of think of your prototypical desert island as being some remote volcanic thing somewhere in the tropical Pacific.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:46 PM
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92. I'm surprised it hasn't made a bigger splash. It wasn't even the lead story here in L.A. But it is my understanding that when the cops started shooting the rubber bullets, people beat feet and some kids and grandmas got hurt, not that Darrel Gates waded into the peaceful crowd with his truncheon flailing. I did see some news crews caught in the middle, so I wonder what they were saying to the cops.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:49 PM
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78: WTF is wrong with people?


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:50 PM
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They're weak.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 5:52 PM
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I'm now accepting applicants for my wilderness survival school. It's been a few years, but I still got it.

Tip of the day: if there isn't any liquid water around, and you have something like a trash bag, you can put the bag over the end of a leafy branch in the sun. This will produce a surprisingly large amount of water.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 6:08 PM
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So there it is: I would bring a trash bag.

Bonus if you lose hope and want to asphyxiate yourself.

Perhaps that's the impetus behind "Tarp."


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 6:45 PM
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95: Of course, they might not have "said" anything. It's not exactly uncommon for cops to have cowboy attitudes and be inculcated with notions of how the protesters are "terrorists" and therefore go off half-cocked. Believe it or not, the marchers aren't always asking for it.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 9:29 PM
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I'm befuddled at the general approach to the question.

If you're stranded on a desert isle, what you really want to have is a reservation at a decent resort on the island. That way, you can just knock back rum drinks and go swimming.

This stuff isn't all that complicated.


Posted by: Petey | Link to this comment | 05- 2-07 10:26 PM
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The Professor, obvs. He knows how to cook.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 05- 3-07 6:28 AM
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Isn't this whole topic just a complicated way of asking Maryanne or Ginger?


Posted by: Petey | Link to this comment | 05- 3-07 8:08 AM
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I'm now accepting applicants for my wilderness survival school. It's been a few years, but I still got it.

So you'll bring plenty of water with you, Matt F?


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05- 3-07 4:17 PM
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I would like 300 or so electoral college votes so than my
stay on the island will not be in vain.

Also I would like my desert island to be Sagaponack
dunes on Long Island.


Posted by: Coruscation | Link to this comment | 05- 3-07 10:45 PM
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fools. nevermind the laptop-- if neither my spouse nor Kucinich's is available the answer is obviously: vibrator with very long lasting battery. Hell, at least I'd be smiling when I died.


Posted by: actualifanonlesbian | Link to this comment | 05- 6-07 8:18 AM
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