Unfogged's very own time travel paradox. If you go back in time and kill yourself before making smug statements about how securely attached you are, who is there to go back and kill you?

Wow, that was only two years ago. At least the current situation is good for business.

Satisfied Ogged --> 2-comment threads
Frustrated Ogged --> 450-comment threads

Oh, four years ago. And it was actually a 0-post thread.

That post was probably right around the time Ogged last had sex.

Actually, as someone smugly attached myself, this sort of thing makes me jumpy.

5: Yes. The person left is often very surprised.

But so Ogged? Actually speed-dating? Or just trying to date while speeding?

The contemplation of speed-dating, which I'm not doing and which sounds like much less fun when it's a real possibility and not a joke, is one reason I want to kill that guy.

While you're at it, kill this guy too.

ogged:

Don't be so attached to that comfortable condescending distance from wanting something earnestly. Go try it and report back.

Two of the three founding bloggers here are already dead, as far as anyone can assume. It would be too cruel to cut Oggers's life short as well.

Why doesnt speed dating sound fun?

Sounds like m-fun to me.

11: I've been giving thought to the possibility that Ogged didn't make it through surgery and is one of the undead. The swimming undead, at that.

14 explains ogged's otherwordly cockblocking abilities.

Anyhow, in regards to speed dating: thank god for the Wayback Machine.

I feel like that about every comment of mine, more than three months old. On a rolling basis, all comments three-months-plus in age authored by myself should be beaten with pvc piping.

So, uh, cheer up?

Do it! Do it! Pretend you're not doing it for yourself and that you're only doing it for blog fodder.

I used to think you had my best interest at heart, Becks.

Whatever happened to the whole finding a Masters swim team idea?

19: Ficke's a bad influence.

Whatever happened to the whole finding a Masters swim team idea?

? Was this ever an idea?

22: Sorry, read the archives, n00b.

8: I tried it once, and it didn't suck. I can't give it a more enthusiastic review for two reasons (I'll get to that in a second), but it wasn't horribly awkward and the participants for the most part were indeed datable and so on. It's not for everyone, I'm sure, but what is? I'd consider doing it again.

One reason I can't be more enthusiastic is the simple fact that it went nowhere. I marked my card and gave it back to the organizers, but apparently none of the women I was interested in had marked me on their cards, or none of them managed to spell my name right or something. The second reason I can't be more enthusiastic is that the place it was held at was so crowded that night that the wait to get in took 45 minutes, maybe even longer. And this was in Vermont. In February. We all got a story about getting frostbite while speed dating, but that's a poor consolation prize for an actual, you know, date.

I thought you were thinking about it once upon a time. It's swimming, which you'd be doing anyway, probably at least some women... what's the downside?

I can't find the old threads, but my main reason for not joining a masters club is that I don't like to work out on someone else's timetable, because I like to be able to stop if my heart goes funky. Will ridiculed this reason, but I was unconvinced. There is a nominal masters group where I swim, but all the women who do it are either considerably older or notably unfriendly.

In this area, the women slots fill up fast for speed dating, but they have a hard time finding men.

I have heart issues (black/cold/unfeeling). I use it as an excuse to stop all the time.

When I swim.

Isn't it lunchtime, will? :42.

all the women who do it are either considerably older or notably unfriendly.

Someone's explained the 'strength of weak ties' to you, right? You're not so much looking for women to date immediately, but a new network. Older women have sisters and cousins and nieces and coworkers.

Yeah yeah. I don't go to socialize. I go to do blazing kick sets which shame so-called real swimmers across the nation. No time to talk!

31:

I am not a real swimmer. I was a real swimmer. Big difference. Mainly in my belly.

You're still not in the pool, are you?

The undead are fantastic swimmers, but they sheat a lot too. Watch him on turns.

"cheat"

34: Yeah, undead Andrea Dworkin is always leaving the blocks ahead of the gun.

with her new undead powers Andrea is competitive again, especially when she cheats just a little.

So just to be clear, what kind of turn are you doing on this :42 kick? Or is the pool laid out so you can do a 50 on a straightaway?

It's a 25 yard pool, and I'm doing basically an open turn while holding the board.

That's kind of impressive. I mean, not as impressive as doing a flip turn while holding the board. But doing an open turn and still turning in a :42 on kicking, that's kind of impressive.

I see that you're up to some complicated long-term psychological warfare, slol. I'm not falling for it.

This morning, I swam a mile and afterward showered. In Mandom.

I'd expect the Mandom to sizzle, as on a hot pan, when it interacts with the chlorine. I would totally use something that did that.

To get this away from swimming, if I may, I was just thinking that I'd find admitting I met my significant other at a speed dating event more embarrassing than meeting someone over the internet. I wonder what the modern heirarchy is for embarrassing/not embarrassing ways to meet your SO.

(Not that this means Ogged still shouldn't give it a shot.)

Dworkin does 37 seconds with a soggy cigarette butt clamped between her teeth.

that's kind of impressive.

Nice.

Alfred Chamberlain: I trust you.
Patsy Newquist: Oh, Alfred, do you really?
Alfred Chamberlain: I nearly trust you.
Patsy Newquist: Nearly?
Alfred Chamberlain: I nearly do. I really nearly do.
Patsy Newquist: [ecstatically] Oh, Alfred!

embarrassing/not embarrassing ways to meet your SO.

...And where does "ATM" rank?

the modern heirarchy is for embarrassing/not embarrassing ways to meet your SO.

I'm taking my mom to prom!

Alfred Chamberlain: I didn't call my own father 'Dad.'
Mr. Newquist: What did you call him?
Alfred Chamberlain: I didn't call him anything. The occasion never came up.

*************

Rev. Dupas: First, let me state to you, Alfred, and to you, Patricia, that of the 200 marriages I have performed, all but seven have failed. So the odds are not good.

888888888888

Hey, since we're back on it, this might be the first time in my entire life I've read anything about bicycle racing that was interesting.

Wow, I'd never heard of that movie before, thanks SPBP, it sounds hilaripus.

I don't know how I ever missed this movie. It's definitely among the 0.05% of movies that I would thoroughly enjoy.

Rev. Dupas: Why does one decide to marry? Social pressure? Boredom? Loneliness? Sexual appeasement? Love? I won't put any of these reasons down. Each in its own way is adequate, each is all right. Last year, I married a musician who wanted to get married in order to stop masturbating. Please, don't be startled, I'm not putting him down. That marriage did not work. But the man tried. He is now separated, still masturbating, but he is at peace with himself because he tried society's way.

Platypus-hilaripus! The new cartoon figure.

hilaripus.

I just like this word.

With increasing embarrassingness:

In person.
Dating site.
Speed dating.
Blog.
Prisoner pen-pal.

Hilaripus Jackson, the Platypus That Drives A Trolley!

55: I think I'd swap speed-dating and match site. Initial RL interaction is the critical criteria, I think. Otherwise I agree.

There really aren't a lot of female serial killers. That's why you don't read about guys wanting to marry them.

Things soon get hilaripus when Dr. Noseworthy (played by Jimmy Fallon) discovers a potion that may fulfill his dream of transforming into a platypus. But first, why not test it on his students?!?

Speaking of such films, does anyone entirely understand the opening sequence of The Palm Beach Story?

Left out:

6. Online role-playing game
7. relative
8. "I used to watch him/her on WKRP In Cincinnati when I was little and always thought they were hot."

Hilaripus Platypus explains basic concepts of philosophy. Chapter One: Runaway trolleys. The history of the concept. The runaway stagecoach of pragmatism. Bentham's runaway coal-wagon. Leibniz's best of all possible runaway carriages. Jan Zizka's seminal Wagenberg. Aquinas' runaway oxcart.

Sounds like m-fun to me.

Speed-dating doesn't sound like m-fun to me. Probably that's why I haven't done it.

Speaking of such films, does anyone entirely understand the opening sequence of The Palm Beach Story?

It's there to set up the wacky surprise twins at the end? That's hardly "entirely understanding", though, I realize.

62: You left out 100,000 platypus orgasms.

I for one would gladly marry a cute serial killer. If Charlize Theron were serial killer without the Wuoros makeup job, yes. looking like Wuoros, no. I'm shallow that way.

Runaway platypus orgasms, I mean.

61: Loni and I would totally have gotten together even if it weren't for that show! We're just made for each other!

"Two of the three founding bloggers here are already dead, as far as anyone can assume."

There were only two founding bloggers: Unf and Ogged.

There used to only be about two of us commenters, as well. Things change.

Did Bob ever exist?

I got the part about the twins, but I don't quite understand why someone's tied up in the cupboard, and another person shocks the maid by appearing.... it's a bit confusing.

It is indeed.

I mean, it could be the case that the bride tied up in the cupboard was supposed to go to the altar, so the wrong Colbert twin got married. But if that were the case, why wouldn't the imprisoned twin register some complaint soon after freeing herself?

Actually, I think that a Winona Ryder serial killer with big brown eyes would be more effective. One of the things you look for in a serial killer fantasy object is that ingenue vulnerability.

"Did Bob ever exist?"

Later.

Wow, I'd never heard of that movie before, thanks SPBP, it sounds hilaripus.

You're welcome. I previously linked to a clip which you might enjoy, or you might not, and that would be all right.

Jules Feiffer R me, I guess.

I hold the solidarity of Bob in the Flesh as an article of faith.

Jules Feiffer actually likes human beings, John. Even children.

"Unfbobogged" doesn't have quite the same ring.

Jules Feiffer foofin afaff furfen figs.

I'll also have to be renting that now; somewhat surprised that I can't recall having heard of it before either.

Ogged ogged Bobogged,* banana fana fo Fogged, me my mo mogged, Unfogged!

*My best guess as to the origin of Bob.

I remember, back in those misty days of yore, thinking that they should all have Unfogged as their last name: Unf Unfogged, Ogged Unfogged, and Bob Unfogged.

It seems a much less appealing idea now.

Swimming with the undead.

On the subject of the Unfogged origin myth, is there a story behind the photo (you know, at the top of the page)?

86: I'd like to think it's The Giving Tree.

Did everyone (who cares) notice that Veronica Mars has been murdered, by the way?

Everyone sees a different banner photo. It's a picture of your soul.

61: Should I be getting the reference for #8?

Was Bruce Willis on WKRP?

89: Oh shit.

61: speaking of meeting significant others through role-playing games, this made Best Of Craigslist...

92: Sheer genius.

Also not adverse to the idea of groups\anal.

Good to know.

Typo! She meant to write, "Also not adjunct to the ideal of groups/anal". The ideal of the quotient of groups by anal is left-adjunct to the LARP morphism, as any fule kno.

No, it's perfectly legit MATLAB code. "groups" and "anal" are matrices, and she's trying to solve the system of equations defined by "groups*X = anal".

89: I always wondered why tubgirl was chosen for the banner image. Now I know.

adjoint

89: Wait, there's a banner photo?

is there a story behind the photo

Yes, and you can read it if you have the firefox extension "Nuke Anything".

I sense you're playing me for a rube, w-lfs-n.

I really look forward to reading this thread, but in the meantime, I'm just simmering in the delicious butter of saying "toldja so."

I'm just simmering in the delicious butter

Could you turn on your webcam?

88: Eh. The last season (much like the last season of Gilmore Girls) wasn't nearly as good as the ones that came before anyway. Not thrilled it was cancelled but not surprised to see it go, either.

Here's a fun game: Let's say that Gonzales resigns. Who might the Bush administration select to replace him? Harriet Myers would be a superb choice, but given their track record, I think the most fabulously, characteristically obnoxious, fuck-you selection would be John Yoo.

You? (Yoo? HAR HAR HAR.)

105: Yoo? Democrats should just bring shotguns to the confirmation hearings, and start laying down a nice pattern as soon as he sits down at the desk.