Re: If Life's A Beach, I'm In Trouble

1

Geez - take a book.

Also, depends on what beach you're going to. Ocean City - lots of horrendously cheesy boardwalk activities. Outer Banks - not so much.


Posted by: mike d | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:26 AM
horizontal rule
2

I once spent the bulk of a oceanside vacation indoors, reading, coming out to enjoy the evening breeze as the sun went down. Baking: dispreferred.

Depending on where the beach is, you could look for sharks' teeth.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:27 AM
horizontal rule
3

Take recreational reading material, a nice beach chair, and a big umbrella. Park yourself under the umbrella and commence to reading. Take multiple breaks for sand-centered fun (digging holes, building drip castles, burying your pals up to their necks), jump in the ocean a couple of times, and always back to the reading. If you can finish X pages by the end of each day, you win.

Oh, and even with the big umbrella, sunscreen is a must. Don't forget!


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:27 AM
horizontal rule
4

Sand castles. Bring tools. Build something for the ages.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:27 AM
horizontal rule
5

Oh, and if you're at Cuisinart Resort in Anguilla, don't forget to be on the beach at 3pm when they bring around the free sorbet -- mango or coconut, your choice!

Sadly, they're pretty good at resisting pleas for a second sorbet.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:28 AM
horizontal rule
6

On the other hand, once you do start baking, the stultifying effect will relieve you of any desire to do something.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:29 AM
horizontal rule
7

burying your pals up to their necks

Head first. Watch your back, Ficke.


Posted by: mike d | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:30 AM
horizontal rule
8

I wonder how many other vampires read this site.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:31 AM
horizontal rule
9

You could win by collecting the most interesting beach artifacts.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:32 AM
horizontal rule
10

Beach activities: playing catch either in the water or on the sand (bring a ball that will float), building sand castles, building mini irrigation thingies, volleyball, touch football, swimming, looking for shells, looking for pretty rocks. And don't forget your sunscreen.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:33 AM
horizontal rule
11

8 - Well, I think it's well established we all suck blood.


Posted by: mike d | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:33 AM
horizontal rule
12

Sharks' teeth! Sea glass! Shells! Smooth rocks! Detritus!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:33 AM
horizontal rule
13

Beach vacations are also good for no-strings-attached anonymous hookups.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:37 AM
horizontal rule
14

Get a bunch of people together dragging their feet through the sand making a freeform concentric-y pattern. NOTE: This can look bitchin' when you're done.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:37 AM
horizontal rule
15

13: Whoever achieves the most of these wins!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:39 AM
horizontal rule
16

Christ, are you all a bunch of senior citizens? The beach is for drinking, duh. Mimosas for breakfast, beer with lunch, sleep it off in the afternoon when it's hot and crowded at the shore, then start really drinking in earnest with dinner.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:44 AM
horizontal rule
17

I was going to suggest you could be one of those annoying people playing catch on the beach while everyone around them you wishes you'd go away, but I see 10 has that covered. There's always swimming, depending on how warm the water is where you're going. Or sleeping off a hangover.

To tell the truth, ever since I stopped being a kid, I've found being at the beach around midday in the summer to be a bit much--too hot, too bright, everything looks sort of white and washed out, there's too many people. Evening is better. Getting there around 5 or 6, swimming, then hanging out on the beach watching everything turn pink and blue in the sunset. Much better.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:44 AM
horizontal rule
18

Sand castles, swimming, somehow acquiring the use of a small boat or at least an inflatable floaty thing and attempting to drown your friends, packing good beach snacks and eating them... the possibilities are endless.

While reading is probably my single favorite activity, I'm not crazy about it on the beach -- glare annoys me. I'm either playing with the sand, in the water, or dozing.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:44 AM
horizontal rule
19

Zen-gardening the beach on a large scale can also provide an opportunity for socialogical observations such as, "Those kind people apologized for having to walk through… my art", or "Fuck you, Captain Oblivious!"


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:46 AM
horizontal rule
20

*sociological


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:47 AM
horizontal rule
21

Scarily enough, I'm with Ogged. I love the beach, and probably spend some time on it each week. Play catch with a frisbee or football, bury someone in sand, read a magazine or book, cool off with a swim, repeat. Definitely throw some water or other super-light refreshing beverage in the cooler, or you'll be dying after a half-hour or hour of running around and playing.

Bonus points if you can coordinate with a few friends to write an enormous phrase in the sand for people in planes or nearby skyscrapers to read.

Also, bring at least two towels or a towel and a mat, because you'll want to wipe off sweat or water throughout the day and whatever you're lying on will be useless for that.

Yay beach!


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:50 AM
horizontal rule
22

I forgot about sand castles! That sounds like fun. I'm going to have to get me a bucket.

I'm on top of the sunscreen thing already. Considering I once managed to get a sunburn in San Francisco (in May! while wearing sunscreen!), I'm gonna need a lot of it to not fry in North Carolina.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:51 AM
horizontal rule
23

I am very much like this too. But my friends always drag me to the beach. I'd much prefer to figure out a strange subway system.

Don't go!


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:51 AM
horizontal rule
24

18 has great points. Yay food, and wear really good sunglasses for reading and anything else (anonymous hookups), because otherwise the glare hurts.


Posted by: JAC | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:53 AM
horizontal rule
25

Becks has a bucket lolz.

Becks, you're going to be manning Grill Command with me and Jermz. You've been saying that you want to learn how to grill meat; the beach is a great opportunity to observe, since every meal after breakfast is grilled. This year, we're bringing the smoker, too.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:55 AM
horizontal rule
26

22: Atlantic Beach? Topsail Beach? Outer Banks?


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:57 AM
horizontal rule
27

Giant containers of lemonade made with actual lemons and not very much sugar are key -- you also want beer, but cold stuff to drink is very important.

A variant on the sand castle is digging pools in which small crabs, snails, or whatever else you can find can be collected and harassed. (All right, I'm immature.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 7:59 AM
horizontal rule
28

Oh, and eating fresh seafood, of course. The Outer Banks are teh bomb.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:00 AM
horizontal rule
29

or whatever else you can find . . .

small children?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:00 AM
horizontal rule
30

Take a book, remember your gothscreen, and you'll be fine.


Posted by: arthegall | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:01 AM
horizontal rule
31

Also, napping on the actual beach is inferior to napping while floating on your back in the water.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:03 AM
horizontal rule
32

I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one. this is particularly noticeable at the beach because of the limited palette: lower eye open, vivied red-tan arm, neutral sky. upper eye open: brilliant blue sky, washed-out arm. you could see if that's true. if it is, you win.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:03 AM
horizontal rule
33

25 - Woo! Grilling is an activity! I might be able to win at that!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:04 AM
horizontal rule
34

(1) Wear light-colored swimsuit and/or expose pale skin. (2) Enter brisk refreshing ocean water at dusk or dawn --go at least waist deep. (3) Splash around ecstatically/erratically. (4) Repeat until sharks attack. (5) Enjoy (if conscious) new-found media attention.


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:10 AM
horizontal rule
35

Drugs, probably barbiturates.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:11 AM
horizontal rule
36

32: That's not just me? I only have it happen when I'm sailing small boats, though.

33: Start planning marinades. Yogurt with a metric shitload of garlic in it makes grilled chicken wonderful.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:13 AM
horizontal rule
37

Sand castles, playing cards, drawing equipment, more than one book (you might find one easier to read than the other), some sort of wispy coverup. Will there be any tidal pools? If so, you could get some sort of "identify wiggly sealife" book. Have fun!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:17 AM
horizontal rule
38

HAT.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:18 AM
horizontal rule
39

Kites?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:18 AM
horizontal rule
40

I like the beach, even though I have to cover every inch of exposed skin with factor 30+ sunscreen about every 20 minutes. Some kind of a sunhat is good for the easily burned, too - baseball caps etc. don't cover the ears or protect the neck. The thing about the beach is if you're a bit restless and everyone else is lying down it's easy to go off swimming / walking along in the shallow water or looking at shells etc. for a while and come back.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:19 AM
horizontal rule
41

Hatkites!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:19 AM
horizontal rule
42

Also, there's a fair amount of stuff to see at the NC coast, if just sitting on the beach doesn't do it for you. What part of it are you headed to?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:19 AM
horizontal rule
43

Apo, never in my times at the beach have I gotten a good deal on seafood. Do you know another way to get crabs that doesn't involve those giant commercial crab shacks?


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:23 AM
horizontal rule
44

There's bound to be a Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum or a coquina fort or two. You could win at visiting Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museums. Time yourself, and then try to beat that time.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:23 AM
horizontal rule
45

I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one.

I have this experience almost all the time when I'm outdoors. It doesn't take very long.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:24 AM
horizontal rule
46

Well, I think it's well established we all suck blood.

Suck byud! Suck byud!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:25 AM
horizontal rule
47

42 - South Nags Head, I believe.

(This is one area where I've made a huuuuge amount of progress on this trip. Usually I'm Miss Planner/Control Freak but, for this trip, so far, I've managed to just go with the flow, to the point that I know we're going to the Outer Banks but that's about it.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:27 AM
horizontal rule
48

O brilliant kids, frisk with your dog, fondle your shells and sticks, bleached by time and the elements!


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:27 AM
horizontal rule
49

I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one.

Fortunately, my eyes are stacked vertically, so I have this luxury almost all the time.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:27 AM
horizontal rule
50

When I'm at the beach, I usually buy seafood at little ramshackle roadside stands and cook it at the house. If you mean at a restaurant, though, you need to get the inside scoop from somebody local. The places where you can get piles of crabs for cheap are usually well off the main strips, a few miles inland.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:28 AM
horizontal rule
51

Frisbee?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:30 AM
horizontal rule
52

Heebie, the Calculating Flounder of Texas!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:30 AM
horizontal rule
53

JL's point about naps indoors someplace cool between, say, 1 and 3 is also a good one.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:31 AM
horizontal rule
54

Apo's right: drinking pretty much takes care of the situation. Go down to the beach, read, play in the sand, play in the water, finish your drink. Oh my -- it's already time to go get more drinks! Back to the house, sidetracked by game/nap/snack. More beach, more drinks. Repeat. Before you know it it's nighttime.


Posted by: tom | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:31 AM
horizontal rule
55

You east coasters only think you know what a good beach is. Get to Huntington or Newport and ride a few waves while gazing at a sea of titties.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:33 AM
horizontal rule
56

Some stuff you could do in the northern OBX.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:33 AM
horizontal rule
57

49 -- I don't see how you could get that effect from lying with your head on one side, if your eyes are stacked vertically.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:34 AM
horizontal rule
58

Get to Huntington or Newport and ride a few waves while gazing at a sea of titties.

There you go, Becks.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:34 AM
horizontal rule
59

(psa: there's a lot of great thrift shops down there where you can buy all sorts of amazing things. books, albums, taxidermied animals, sewing machines, uh... and one time we found part of a dominatrix costume. so, yay!)

no fear, you won't be bored. we'll hook up w/ yr house at some point over the weekend and commence to beach-educate you.


Posted by: the g | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:34 AM
horizontal rule
60

57: That's true. When I lie down I have the odd experience of depth perception.


* don't think too hard about what I just wrote, it doesn't actually make sense.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:35 AM
horizontal rule
61

TAXIDERMIED ANIMALS! OK, now I'm totally excited.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:38 AM
horizontal rule
62

57: one eye's in shade, the other has the sun shining through the lid (or more sun, anyway). The cones in your retina that handle the sun's cheerfully yellow portion of the spectrum get fatigued relative to the blue ones, and voila, your more exposed eye sees things in a cool palette until everything catches up. It's like that inverted American flag optical illusion that people seem to love including in their textbooks.

You can get the same effect w/ the neurons that detect motion, too.


Posted by: tom | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:49 AM
horizontal rule
63

Seriously though, get a facemask and a snorkel. Probably not much to see in the regular waters as the water's too damn murky out there, but rock jetties are good pretty much wherever you go.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:49 AM
horizontal rule
64

60: Hey heebie, I like your new signature block.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:49 AM
horizontal rule
65

Tom, sucking the fun out of magic eye tricks since comment 62.


* don't think too hard about what M/llsy just wrote, it doesn't actually make sense.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:52 AM
horizontal rule
66

65: I knew this degree would be good for something


Posted by: tom | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:55 AM
horizontal rule
67

got science, for any occasion/constantly reformulating equations!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:57 AM
horizontal rule
68

65: I'm not liking your new new one so much though.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:57 AM
horizontal rule
69

68: It's subtle. You may not get it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 8:59 AM
horizontal rule
70

I see white people.

And hooray to populuxe for the Hart Crane.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:06 AM
horizontal rule
71

I see white people.

On a plane once from Orlando to London, I thought it was funny how many people were bright, bright red.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:09 AM
horizontal rule
72

re: 71

Oh yes. A friend went to Seville a few years back to see Celtic play in the UEFA CUp final. He says he's never seen so many people with sunburn bordering on the clinical.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:20 AM
horizontal rule
73

69, 71: I guess you've given up on the whole idea then? Pity.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:22 AM
horizontal rule
74

I've enjoyed the beach more on trips when I gave up on tanning and just used an umbrella (and read under it).

Once a cousin of mine submerged himself almost completely in an artesian well we found in the middle of the beach. He was braver than me.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:24 AM
horizontal rule
75

That's odd. Someone left comment 73 blank. Huh.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:25 AM
horizontal rule
76

So if you find a small spot of bubbling sand, you could try that.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:26 AM
horizontal rule
77

74.--Yeah, the true whitey-McWhiteys should probably just tan with refracted light. Even then I've been taken by surprise.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:28 AM
horizontal rule
78

47 - Brew Thru is involved in winning at Nags Head. Deeply involved.


Posted by: Doug | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:28 AM
horizontal rule
79

Oops, sorry, forgot to sign my name to 75.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:31 AM
horizontal rule
80

Jeez, get a room you two.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:32 AM
horizontal rule
81

There's also the beach walk. Somehow, you just have to walk the whole length to where the beach curves. Not sure why, 'cause it just looks like more beach when you get to the bend, but you still have to walk it. That's good for some time. I bet you have a great time!


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:33 AM
horizontal rule
82

Please, grody to the max.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:36 AM
horizontal rule
83

I'm surprised that no-one's mentioned the obvious solution to Beck's quandary. Does the beach have wi-fi?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:46 AM
horizontal rule
84

I'm surprised that you hyphenated no one. Also, 82 was meant to be siblingesque, not a genuine commentary on your hotel roomness.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:49 AM
horizontal rule
85

I'm surprised that you hyphenated no one.

Huh? I don't see any hyphen there.

Also, 82 was meant to be siblingesque, not a genuine commentary on your hotel roomness.

Phew!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:52 AM
horizontal rule
86

Books in number three: one trash but fun, one "improving" as Jeeves would have it, and one on your current favourite subject area. The mood changes through the day. a kite is a must if the beach is likely to be unfull of roasting humans. A cricket bat (hmmm.. make that a tennis raquet) for french cricket and a giid sized ball for volleyball. A frisbee and LOTS of spades and plastic buckets for recreating the great wall in conjunction with the andean irrigation canals. You win when the kids in the neigbourhood are playing with your stuff by the end of the day... they may even posses single dads.
Take not only enough to drink but plenty to eat. The sun, water and fresh air create hunger on a massive scale. Im certain this is why fish and chips were invented.

The coast is the one major thing i miss now that live in a landlocked country. Have fun! I'm almost jealous. I am definitely envious.


Posted by: Austro | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:54 AM
horizontal rule
87

43 & 50 - I can't believe someone asked apo 'Do you know another way to get crabs?' and he responded seriously.


Posted by: Clueless | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:55 AM
horizontal rule
88

I hate the beach. Given that I don't tan, the only point in me being there is swimming or ball games, and I'd rather do those in fresh water and on grass, thank you very much. You can't read because you get a headache and you get sand all over you. People find this fun?


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 9:57 AM
horizontal rule
89

47: There's a reasonably good sushi restaurant in the Outer Banks Mall (MP 14) called Taiko. Speaking of seafood.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:06 AM
horizontal rule
90

47: Or you could always try to find some of these.

Also, see here for great photos of these remarkable creatures..


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:15 AM
horizontal rule
91

72: I saw a guy at the second day of an Irish rock festival once, with his t-shirt off. It had been sunny all day the day before, and he'd obviously kept his shirt on then, because there was now a high contrast between his white back and his bright pink arms and purple neck. I mean seriously Barney the dinosaur purple with sunburn. It made me wince to look at it. I think the Irish and the Scots probably tie for pastiness, and for unwise sunbathing practices. (40 was me, too, btw.)


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:22 AM
horizontal rule
92

also, pigmans' barbeque. although armsmasher's head will probably explode.


Posted by: the g | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:33 AM
horizontal rule
93

I'm not really big on the beach, either. Although last year I spent a single afternoon on a beach in Almu├▒├ęcar which didn't totally suck as i) the beach was empty, ii) we had a great big sunshade and loungers so I could avoid getting burnt.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:37 AM
horizontal rule
94

Kite.

Fly a kite.

Repeat until victorious.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:58 AM
horizontal rule
95

North Carolina is the place to go to the beach.

As NCProsecutor and Apo said, the Outer Banks is fabulous.

Sunscreen, reading material, alcohol, and be prepared to play putt-putt.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 10:59 AM
horizontal rule
96

87: Low-hanging fruit only after the meat situation has been procured.

92: I like N.C.–style Q. In the same way that Muslims will say, sure, Jesus was a prophet. . . .


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:09 AM
horizontal rule
97

I like N.C.-style Q.

Who doesn't?

No, seriously, who doesn't? They must be banned.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:10 AM
horizontal rule
98

No one doesn't. It's just not superior to the One True 'Cue.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:12 AM
horizontal rule
99

47, 50: There's a place in Grandy (near the 158 bridge, one the mainland) with good, cheap seafood. It's also a biker bar with a dance floor, pole on said floor, and motel out back.


Posted by: ptm | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:13 AM
horizontal rule
100

94: I'm on it. Unfortunately, Amazon's kite selection is disappointing. This is the most ferocious one I could find (that could be delivered by Saturday).


Posted by: tom | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:15 AM
horizontal rule
101

Rad kites.

I used to have a pirate ship, and it ruled.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:16 AM
horizontal rule
102

the only point in me being there is swimming or ball games, and I'd rather do those in fresh water and on grass

I like river- and lake-swimming, but I love waves. One of these summers I'm going to learn to surf, not just bodyboard.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:20 AM
horizontal rule
103

100: Bringing a cheap kite to the Outer Banks is like taking crackers to the Vatican.


Posted by: ptm | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:20 AM
horizontal rule
104

103: you can't bring white people to the vatican?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:21 AM
horizontal rule
105

I like those kites that look like a pair of floppy legs in tube socks.

As for barbecue, the disputes always remind me of what my dad says about instant coffee (other than "I'm never in that much of a hurry."):

"I wouldn't mind it if they didn't try to call it coffee."

Anyway, I got your back, 'smasher.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:22 AM
horizontal rule
106

M/M/: You and Sir Kraab make it to Salt Lick often? Ever go to Sam's on the east side? Tell me about home, M/llsy. Remind me, what it's like?


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:26 AM
horizontal rule
107

Sam's is the shiznit. First place I ever had mutton.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:28 AM
horizontal rule
108

"floppy legs in tube socks"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:29 AM
horizontal rule
109

103: the standard usage is "coals to Newcastle".


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:30 AM
horizontal rule
110

Wait, where is Sam's? I don't think I've been there.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:30 AM
horizontal rule
111

110: Never you mind where it is, heebie. They don't let white people in there anyway.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:32 AM
horizontal rule
112

I suck at the beach. The important part is to make sure everyone knows, and then you have a long leash to do whatever ya want (in my case, drinking bloodies and reading my paper on the deck or wandering off into the beach town). Plus, the ability to wander off provides much-needed alone time if you're the sort that needs it.

I sure do. I'd kill everyone I'm with if I had to spend a whole weekend with 'em.


Posted by: jpe | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:34 AM
horizontal rule
113

Okay, it's on East 12th. A couple of blocks west of Chestnut, if I remember correctly.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:36 AM
horizontal rule
114

I suck at the beach.

You're supposed to get *away* from your job at the beach. Though I guess there's no shortage of business opportunities.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:36 AM
horizontal rule
115

Oh, man! My best beach experience was in North Carolina. A whole week out there, mostly filled with drinking, playing catch with football on beach, walking on beach in the evening, planning meals and executing them, each and every one excluding breakfasts on the grill, mid-to-late afternoon shower, sex, nap routine.

Also, mini-golf, driving around, etc.

I just got back from a weekend in a logcabin on the lake in the North Woods of Wisconsin. Not quite beachy, but same principles: sitting on the dock reading, going out in a rowboat pretending like we know how to fish, cooking metric assloads of bacon in cast-iron skillets, trespassing on other people's property to access pretty views, etc. And playing cards.

I'm sure y'all already have this covered, but I recommend bringing a set of computer speakers to hook up to laptop and/or iPod so you can have tunes while hanging out drinking/playing cards/cooking.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:37 AM
horizontal rule
116

planning meals and executing them

Been working on the resume lately?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:40 AM
horizontal rule
117

M/tch, just because I don't have my finger on the pulse of the street like you do doesn't mean I'm too white for Sam's. I'll just explain to them how much I enjoy Will Smith and Condi Rice, and that I actually have a black cat. Okay, half-black.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:40 AM
horizontal rule
118

114: Now you're just over-compensating for 87.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:41 AM
horizontal rule
119

118: Enough with the shaming, heebie.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:43 AM
horizontal rule
120

I'm so ashamed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:45 AM
horizontal rule
121

120: you can't be, it's out of your control.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:46 AM
horizontal rule
122

119: That sounds like a good euphemism, although I'm not sure what it should mean:

"Man, his thick southern drawl totally gives me the shaming heebies!"


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:46 AM
horizontal rule
123

Sam's is open 'til about 4 a.m. or so—it gets slammed when the bars close. I use to live close to that place. They've offered to FedEx me 'cue in the past.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:49 AM
horizontal rule
124

FedEx me 'cue

Do people really do that? Does it work?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:54 AM
horizontal rule
125

Pigman's in Nags Head has excellent 'cue. Outer Banks Brewing Company has great microbrews. The aquarium in Manteo is fun if it's raining or whatever. Nags Head Woods is fun to explore if you like nature hikes. Try the Colington Cafe for haute cuisine, or Billy's Seafood if you want to cook your own.


Posted by: dob | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:02 PM
horizontal rule
126

FedEx me 'cue

Arr, they're after me lucky cue!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:05 PM
horizontal rule
127

The Outer Banks is (are?) the only beach(es) I'm interested in seeing. I'm not normally much of a beach person myself, don't like to swim or be battered by waves, etc., but I do dearly love to sit and read for hours under an umberlla. My understanding is that Nag's Head is a lot more commercial than it was the last time I was there (1990 or so) but it is undeniably beautiful. I once entertained fantasies of moving there but then I sat out Fran a couple hundred miles inland and decided they couldn't pay me enough to live there full-time.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:07 PM
horizontal rule
128

I'll pay you $100 to live there!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:09 PM
horizontal rule
129

You're not "they," ogged.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:11 PM
horizontal rule
130

"then I sat out Fran a couple hundred miles inland and decided they couldn't pay me enough to live there full-time."

C'mon, there's no better place to put down roots than a hurricane-prone sandbar. I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:12 PM
horizontal rule
131

Ogged, what won't you pay me $100 to do? I think we might have a more efficient transaction if you just offer me a menu and I get to check "no" down the list and hand it back.

130: Hugs, Sifu, but I say we enjoy the Outer Banks while they're still there. If somebody crazier than me wants to live there then more power to them.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:29 PM
horizontal rule
132

"but I say we enjoy the Outer Banks while they're still there."

No doubt, no doubt. It is a crazy place to build anything permanent, though.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:31 PM
horizontal rule
133

130.I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.
Multiple times, even. Yay flood insurance! Seriously, there is a reason that housing on the beach was originally refered to as "shacks".


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:35 PM
horizontal rule
134

you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.

Just be warned that flood insurance only covers the house itself, not the land. If the whole island washes away (or shifts a few hundred feet west, if the property is waterfront)--not a negligible concern on a sandbar barrier island--you're screwed, as the land is usually the most valuable part of the property by far.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:49 PM
horizontal rule
135

I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.

There was the developer in the southern Outer Banks who wanted to build a hotel on a part of the island the state had declared unfit for development. They sued for the right to build there, and won. Several years later, after said hotel had been demolished by some storm or another, they turned around and sued the state for allowing them to build there. And won.


Posted by: dob | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:50 PM
horizontal rule
136

133. Houses on barrier beaches are a very interesting study. On the one hand, you have some hardy spinster types eeking out an existance on the sea/ beach. Then you have the playground for the affluent. Who do you suppose gets the bailout, and who do you think it was intended for? For example, my family's house on Fire Island is over 100 years old (Get over yourself- it was WASPy waay before it went gay) We have moved it twice, but now the beach has eroded so much that there is nowhere to go. On the one hand, so what? But the barrier beach protects the mailand against the same forces, and the mainland is where the real people, and more importantly the voters, live, so we are seeing some action about erosion protection. But again, there are about 50 different opinions on what to do.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:56 PM
horizontal rule
137

But the barrier beach protects the mailand against the same forces, and the mainland is where the real people, and more importantly the voters, live, so we are seeing some action about erosion protection. But again, there are about 50 different opinions on what to do.

Insofar as I understand it, the thing about barrier beaches is that they're supposed to move around -- shift in and out and so forth. What fucks up the system erosion-wise is efforts to keep what is essentially a sandbar motionless under the million-dollar house someone built there.

It's a shame for your family, when they built the house they didn't know. But people living on barrier islands shouldn't be able to get insurance, and they shouldn't be getting federal assistance to keep them from washing away. (Assistance to relocate to dry land? I'm all over that.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 12:59 PM
horizontal rule
138

The problem with erosion protection on barrier islands is that they're meant to erode. If you don't let them shift around and accumulate more-or-less naturally, you usually end up hastening their demise. But whatever, you have to put your barbecue joints someplace. I just don't think there should be infinite bailouts and rebuilding.

cf. my unlamented New Orleans blogging.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:02 PM
horizontal rule
139

So pwned.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:05 PM
horizontal rule
140

Invite us to your family's house on Fire Island! UnfoggeDGetaway!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:08 PM
horizontal rule
141

137. No crocodile tears, please. As much as I love the place, I'm all for letting the sea reclaim its own. And the reality is, for all the infrastructure now in place, it really is just a jumped up shack. I am amazed how it is still standing. Probably all the termites holding hands.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:10 PM
horizontal rule
142

it was WASPy waay before it went gay

Girlfriend, who wasn't?


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:11 PM
horizontal rule
143

140: But then everyone will knowthink we're gay!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:13 PM
horizontal rule
144

143.---The gays on Fire Island know how to partay! Or so I've read.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:14 PM
horizontal rule
145

Two words: Beach Bocce

One more word: Frisbee


Posted by: Thomas Allen | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:15 PM
horizontal rule
146

142: nice one, Cheever.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:16 PM
horizontal rule
147

Shacks are the best beach houses; and you should enjoy it until the hurricanes wash it away.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:16 PM
horizontal rule
148

A friend of mine lived for several years in the park ranger station on Fire Island while doing research there. He frequently had the experience of finding gay couples having sex in the restricted areas of the seashore. They'd get mad at him, especially when he'd point out that they were not allowed to be there (this friend's initials are not SEK.)


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:23 PM
horizontal rule
149

140. Invite us to your family's house on Fire Island! UnfoggeDGetaway!

I plan to be in residence Mid July. I'm sure something can be arranged.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
150

That's some research.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:24 PM
horizontal rule
151

150: Unfortunately he was looking for birds, not hott gay sex.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:26 PM
horizontal rule
152

Much fun can be had in something like this if you don't get too stupid about it.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:38 PM
horizontal rule
153

"There is nothing, absolutely nothing, half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:48 PM
horizontal rule
154

I am seeing Prairie Home Companion at Wolf Trap over Memorial Day Weekend.

Any DC Unfoggers are welcome to attend.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:50 PM
horizontal rule
155

bitchphd hates Garrison Keillor. Just thought I'd get that part of the conversation out of the way.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:55 PM
horizontal rule
156

155:

I know. I was throwing that out there as bait.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:56 PM
horizontal rule
157

155: Standpipe, you're being condescending to your audience. Just like Keillor.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 1:59 PM
horizontal rule
158

Standpipe has been notably bitter of late. That's what Ben says, anyway.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:02 PM
horizontal rule
159

I HAS A FLAVOR


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:05 PM
horizontal rule
160

155 wasn't intended to inform.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:07 PM
horizontal rule
161

Oh, lolcats, is there nothing you can't do?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:07 PM
horizontal rule
162

U HAS A FLAVOR


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:09 PM
horizontal rule
163

MMM..PATRICK STEWART


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:12 PM
horizontal rule
164

B. wouldn't last a minute here in Lake Wobegon. She just doesn't have the mental toughness.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:48 PM
horizontal rule
165

IR NOT A KITTEN


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 2:59 PM
horizontal rule
166

Bostonians should plan something for mid-June. Something involving the beach would be fun. Does anyone know anyone with a house on the Cape?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:05 PM
horizontal rule
167

There is no lolcats that can express 164.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:08 PM
horizontal rule
168

Seriously, TLL? I could cook....


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:13 PM
horizontal rule
169

And I'd bestow upon the house most of the paintings I would create there (mind you, they're usually pretty foul).


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:24 PM
horizontal rule
170

Jackmormon paints chicken paintings?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:26 PM
horizontal rule
171

For a weekend on Fire Island, yes, I'd paint chickens.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:49 PM
horizontal rule
172

171:

Are you a painter by trade?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:51 PM
horizontal rule
173

171: what colors would you paint them?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:51 PM
horizontal rule
174

No, I'm not a professional (hence the caveat that my painting suck eggs), and I could see painting chickens in purple.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 3:55 PM
horizontal rule
175

Purple chicken.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 4:00 PM
horizontal rule
176

If 175 is what's in store at the Fire Island Non-Gay Meetup, count me out.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 4:02 PM
horizontal rule
177

doesn't anyone want to watch a fight between me and smasher about the one true 'cue? SC! SC! SC!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-23-07 11:41 PM
horizontal rule
178

I'm not sure I could bear the sight of smasher's ruined body in the aftermath.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-24-07 12:04 AM
horizontal rule
179

smasher's ruined body

Ruined, having eaten so much artery-popping, valve-bursting, delicious Texas Q. Bring it, 'meida!


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 05-24-07 7:52 AM
horizontal rule