Geez - take a book.
Also, depends on what beach you're going to. Ocean City - lots of horrendously cheesy boardwalk activities. Outer Banks - not so much.
I once spent the bulk of a oceanside vacation indoors, reading, coming out to enjoy the evening breeze as the sun went down. Baking: dispreferred.
Depending on where the beach is, you could look for sharks' teeth.
Take recreational reading material, a nice beach chair, and a big umbrella. Park yourself under the umbrella and commence to reading. Take multiple breaks for sand-centered fun (digging holes, building drip castles, burying your pals up to their necks), jump in the ocean a couple of times, and always back to the reading. If you can finish X pages by the end of each day, you win.
Oh, and even with the big umbrella, sunscreen is a must. Don't forget!
Sand castles. Bring tools. Build something for the ages.
Oh, and if you're at Cuisinart Resort in Anguilla, don't forget to be on the beach at 3pm when they bring around the free sorbet -- mango or coconut, your choice!
Sadly, they're pretty good at resisting pleas for a second sorbet.
On the other hand, once you do start baking, the stultifying effect will relieve you of any desire to do something.
burying your pals up to their necks
Head first. Watch your back, Ficke.
I wonder how many other vampires read this site.
You could win by collecting the most interesting beach artifacts.
Beach activities: playing catch either in the water or on the sand (bring a ball that will float), building sand castles, building mini irrigation thingies, volleyball, touch football, swimming, looking for shells, looking for pretty rocks. And don't forget your sunscreen.
8 - Well, I think it's well established we all suck blood.
Sharks' teeth! Sea glass! Shells! Smooth rocks! Detritus!
Beach vacations are also good for no-strings-attached anonymous hookups.
Get a bunch of people together dragging their feet through the sand making a freeform concentric-y pattern. NOTE: This can look bitchin' when you're done.
13: Whoever achieves the most of these wins!
Christ, are you all a bunch of senior citizens? The beach is for drinking, duh. Mimosas for breakfast, beer with lunch, sleep it off in the afternoon when it's hot and crowded at the shore, then start really drinking in earnest with dinner.
I was going to suggest you could be one of those annoying people playing catch on the beach while everyone around them you wishes you'd go away, but I see 10 has that covered. There's always swimming, depending on how warm the water is where you're going. Or sleeping off a hangover.
To tell the truth, ever since I stopped being a kid, I've found being at the beach around midday in the summer to be a bit much--too hot, too bright, everything looks sort of white and washed out, there's too many people. Evening is better. Getting there around 5 or 6, swimming, then hanging out on the beach watching everything turn pink and blue in the sunset. Much better.
Sand castles, swimming, somehow acquiring the use of a small boat or at least an inflatable floaty thing and attempting to drown your friends, packing good beach snacks and eating them... the possibilities are endless.
While reading is probably my single favorite activity, I'm not crazy about it on the beach -- glare annoys me. I'm either playing with the sand, in the water, or dozing.
Zen-gardening the beach on a large scale can also provide an opportunity for socialogical observations such as, "Those kind people apologized for having to walk through… my art", or "Fuck you, Captain Oblivious!"
Scarily enough, I'm with Ogged. I love the beach, and probably spend some time on it each week. Play catch with a frisbee or football, bury someone in sand, read a magazine or book, cool off with a swim, repeat. Definitely throw some water or other super-light refreshing beverage in the cooler, or you'll be dying after a half-hour or hour of running around and playing.
Bonus points if you can coordinate with a few friends to write an enormous phrase in the sand for people in planes or nearby skyscrapers to read.
Also, bring at least two towels or a towel and a mat, because you'll want to wipe off sweat or water throughout the day and whatever you're lying on will be useless for that.
Yay beach!
I forgot about sand castles! That sounds like fun. I'm going to have to get me a bucket.
I'm on top of the sunscreen thing already. Considering I once managed to get a sunburn in San Francisco (in May! while wearing sunscreen!), I'm gonna need a lot of it to not fry in North Carolina.
I am very much like this too. But my friends always drag me to the beach. I'd much prefer to figure out a strange subway system.
Don't go!
18 has great points. Yay food, and wear really good sunglasses for reading and anything else (anonymous hookups), because otherwise the glare hurts.
Becks has a bucket lolz.
Becks, you're going to be manning Grill Command with me and Jermz. You've been saying that you want to learn how to grill meat; the beach is a great opportunity to observe, since every meal after breakfast is grilled. This year, we're bringing the smoker, too.
22: Atlantic Beach? Topsail Beach? Outer Banks?
Giant containers of lemonade made with actual lemons and not very much sugar are key -- you also want beer, but cold stuff to drink is very important.
A variant on the sand castle is digging pools in which small crabs, snails, or whatever else you can find can be collected and harassed. (All right, I'm immature.)
Oh, and eating fresh seafood, of course. The Outer Banks are teh bomb.
or whatever else you can find . . .
small children?
Take a book, remember your gothscreen, and you'll be fine.
Also, napping on the actual beach is inferior to napping while floating on your back in the water.
I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one. this is particularly noticeable at the beach because of the limited palette: lower eye open, vivied red-tan arm, neutral sky. upper eye open: brilliant blue sky, washed-out arm. you could see if that's true. if it is, you win.
25 - Woo! Grilling is an activity! I might be able to win at that!
(1) Wear light-colored swimsuit and/or expose pale skin. (2) Enter brisk refreshing ocean water at dusk or dawn --go at least waist deep. (3) Splash around ecstatically/erratically. (4) Repeat until sharks attack. (5) Enjoy (if conscious) new-found media attention.
32: That's not just me? I only have it happen when I'm sailing small boats, though.
33: Start planning marinades. Yogurt with a metric shitload of garlic in it makes grilled chicken wonderful.
Sand castles, playing cards, drawing equipment, more than one book (you might find one easier to read than the other), some sort of wispy coverup. Will there be any tidal pools? If so, you could get some sort of "identify wiggly sealife" book. Have fun!
I like the beach, even though I have to cover every inch of exposed skin with factor 30+ sunscreen about every 20 minutes. Some kind of a sunhat is good for the easily burned, too - baseball caps etc. don't cover the ears or protect the neck. The thing about the beach is if you're a bit restless and everyone else is lying down it's easy to go off swimming / walking along in the shallow water or looking at shells etc. for a while and come back.
Also, there's a fair amount of stuff to see at the NC coast, if just sitting on the beach doesn't do it for you. What part of it are you headed to?
Apo, never in my times at the beach have I gotten a good deal on seafood. Do you know another way to get crabs that doesn't involve those giant commercial crab shacks?
There's bound to be a Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum or a coquina fort or two. You could win at visiting Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museums. Time yourself, and then try to beat that time.
I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one.
I have this experience almost all the time when I'm outdoors. It doesn't take very long.
Well, I think it's well established we all suck blood.
Suck byud! Suck byud!
42 - South Nags Head, I believe.
(This is one area where I've made a huuuuge amount of progress on this trip. Usually I'm Miss Planner/Control Freak but, for this trip, so far, I've managed to just go with the flow, to the point that I know we're going to the Outer Banks but that's about it.
O brilliant kids, frisk with your dog, fondle your shells and sticks, bleached by time and the elements!
I have the experience (shared by a few other people) that if I lie for a long period with my head on one side, the lower eye sees warmer cast of colors, and the upper eye a cooler one.
Fortunately, my eyes are stacked vertically, so I have this luxury almost all the time.
When I'm at the beach, I usually buy seafood at little ramshackle roadside stands and cook it at the house. If you mean at a restaurant, though, you need to get the inside scoop from somebody local. The places where you can get piles of crabs for cheap are usually well off the main strips, a few miles inland.
Heebie, the Calculating Flounder of Texas!
JL's point about naps indoors someplace cool between, say, 1 and 3 is also a good one.
Apo's right: drinking pretty much takes care of the situation. Go down to the beach, read, play in the sand, play in the water, finish your drink. Oh my -- it's already time to go get more drinks! Back to the house, sidetracked by game/nap/snack. More beach, more drinks. Repeat. Before you know it it's nighttime.
You east coasters only think you know what a good beach is. Get to Huntington or Newport and ride a few waves while gazing at a sea of titties.
Some stuff you could do in the northern OBX.
49 -- I don't see how you could get that effect from lying with your head on one side, if your eyes are stacked vertically.
Get to Huntington or Newport and ride a few waves while gazing at a sea of titties.
There you go, Becks.
(psa: there's a lot of great thrift shops down there where you can buy all sorts of amazing things. books, albums, taxidermied animals, sewing machines, uh... and one time we found part of a dominatrix costume. so, yay!)
no fear, you won't be bored. we'll hook up w/ yr house at some point over the weekend and commence to beach-educate you.
57: That's true. When I lie down I have the odd experience of depth perception.
* don't think too hard about what I just wrote, it doesn't actually make sense.
TAXIDERMIED ANIMALS! OK, now I'm totally excited.
57: one eye's in shade, the other has the sun shining through the lid (or more sun, anyway). The cones in your retina that handle the sun's cheerfully yellow portion of the spectrum get fatigued relative to the blue ones, and voila, your more exposed eye sees things in a cool palette until everything catches up. It's like that inverted American flag optical illusion that people seem to love including in their textbooks.
You can get the same effect w/ the neurons that detect motion, too.
Seriously though, get a facemask and a snorkel. Probably not much to see in the regular waters as the water's too damn murky out there, but rock jetties are good pretty much wherever you go.
60: Hey heebie, I like your new signature block.
Tom, sucking the fun out of magic eye tricks since comment 62.
* don't think too hard about what M/llsy just wrote, it doesn't actually make sense.
65: I knew this degree would be good for something
got science, for any occasion/constantly reformulating equations!
65: I'm not liking your new new one so much though.
68: It's subtle. You may not get it.
I see white people.
And hooray to populuxe for the Hart Crane.
I see white people.
On a plane once from Orlando to London, I thought it was funny how many people were bright, bright red.
re: 71
Oh yes. A friend went to Seville a few years back to see Celtic play in the UEFA CUp final. He says he's never seen so many people with sunburn bordering on the clinical.
69, 71: I guess you've given up on the whole idea then? Pity.
I've enjoyed the beach more on trips when I gave up on tanning and just used an umbrella (and read under it).
Once a cousin of mine submerged himself almost completely in an artesian well we found in the middle of the beach. He was braver than me.
That's odd. Someone left comment 73 blank. Huh.
So if you find a small spot of bubbling sand, you could try that.
74.--Yeah, the true whitey-McWhiteys should probably just tan with refracted light. Even then I've been taken by surprise.
47 - Brew Thru is involved in winning at Nags Head. Deeply involved.
Oops, sorry, forgot to sign my name to 75.
Jeez, get a room you two.
There's also the beach walk. Somehow, you just have to walk the whole length to where the beach curves. Not sure why, 'cause it just looks like more beach when you get to the bend, but you still have to walk it. That's good for some time. I bet you have a great time!
I'm surprised that no-one's mentioned the obvious solution to Beck's quandary. Does the beach have wi-fi?
I'm surprised that you hyphenated no one. Also, 82 was meant to be siblingesque, not a genuine commentary on your hotel roomness.
I'm surprised that you hyphenated no one.
Huh? I don't see any hyphen there.
Also, 82 was meant to be siblingesque, not a genuine commentary on your hotel roomness.
Phew!
Books in number three: one trash but fun, one "improving" as Jeeves would have it, and one on your current favourite subject area. The mood changes through the day. a kite is a must if the beach is likely to be unfull of roasting humans. A cricket bat (hmmm.. make that a tennis raquet) for french cricket and a giid sized ball for volleyball. A frisbee and LOTS of spades and plastic buckets for recreating the great wall in conjunction with the andean irrigation canals. You win when the kids in the neigbourhood are playing with your stuff by the end of the day... they may even posses single dads.
Take not only enough to drink but plenty to eat. The sun, water and fresh air create hunger on a massive scale. Im certain this is why fish and chips were invented.
The coast is the one major thing i miss now that live in a landlocked country. Have fun! I'm almost jealous. I am definitely envious.
43 & 50 - I can't believe someone asked apo 'Do you know another way to get crabs?' and he responded seriously.
I hate the beach. Given that I don't tan, the only point in me being there is swimming or ball games, and I'd rather do those in fresh water and on grass, thank you very much. You can't read because you get a headache and you get sand all over you. People find this fun?
47: There's a reasonably good sushi restaurant in the Outer Banks Mall (MP 14) called Taiko. Speaking of seafood.
47: Or you could always try to find some of these.
Also, see here for great photos of these remarkable creatures..
72: I saw a guy at the second day of an Irish rock festival once, with his t-shirt off. It had been sunny all day the day before, and he'd obviously kept his shirt on then, because there was now a high contrast between his white back and his bright pink arms and purple neck. I mean seriously Barney the dinosaur purple with sunburn. It made me wince to look at it. I think the Irish and the Scots probably tie for pastiness, and for unwise sunbathing practices. (40 was me, too, btw.)
also, pigmans' barbeque. although armsmasher's head will probably explode.
I'm not really big on the beach, either. Although last year I spent a single afternoon on a beach in Almuñécar which didn't totally suck as i) the beach was empty, ii) we had a great big sunshade and loungers so I could avoid getting burnt.
Kite.
Fly a kite.
Repeat until victorious.
North Carolina is the place to go to the beach.
As NCProsecutor and Apo said, the Outer Banks is fabulous.
Sunscreen, reading material, alcohol, and be prepared to play putt-putt.
87: Low-hanging fruit only after the meat situation has been procured.
92: I like N.C.–style Q. In the same way that Muslims will say, sure, Jesus was a prophet. . . .
I like N.C.-style Q.
Who doesn't?
No, seriously, who doesn't? They must be banned.
No one doesn't. It's just not superior to the One True 'Cue.
47, 50: There's a place in Grandy (near the 158 bridge, one the mainland) with good, cheap seafood. It's also a biker bar with a dance floor, pole on said floor, and motel out back.
94: I'm on it. Unfortunately, Amazon's kite selection is disappointing. This is the most ferocious one I could find (that could be delivered by Saturday).
I used to have a pirate ship, and it ruled.
the only point in me being there is swimming or ball games, and I'd rather do those in fresh water and on grass
I like river- and lake-swimming, but I love waves. One of these summers I'm going to learn to surf, not just bodyboard.
100: Bringing a cheap kite to the Outer Banks is like taking crackers to the Vatican.
103: you can't bring white people to the vatican?
I like those kites that look like a pair of floppy legs in tube socks.
As for barbecue, the disputes always remind me of what my dad says about instant coffee (other than "I'm never in that much of a hurry."):
"I wouldn't mind it if they didn't try to call it coffee."
Anyway, I got your back, 'smasher.
M/M/: You and Sir Kraab make it to Salt Lick often? Ever go to Sam's on the east side? Tell me about home, M/llsy. Remind me, what it's like?
Sam's is the shiznit. First place I ever had mutton.
103: the standard usage is "coals to Newcastle".
Wait, where is Sam's? I don't think I've been there.
110: Never you mind where it is, heebie. They don't let white people in there anyway.
I suck at the beach. The important part is to make sure everyone knows, and then you have a long leash to do whatever ya want (in my case, drinking bloodies and reading my paper on the deck or wandering off into the beach town). Plus, the ability to wander off provides much-needed alone time if you're the sort that needs it.
I sure do. I'd kill everyone I'm with if I had to spend a whole weekend with 'em.
Okay, it's on East 12th. A couple of blocks west of Chestnut, if I remember correctly.
I suck at the beach.
You're supposed to get *away* from your job at the beach. Though I guess there's no shortage of business opportunities.
Oh, man! My best beach experience was in North Carolina. A whole week out there, mostly filled with drinking, playing catch with football on beach, walking on beach in the evening, planning meals and executing them, each and every one excluding breakfasts on the grill, mid-to-late afternoon shower, sex, nap routine.
Also, mini-golf, driving around, etc.
I just got back from a weekend in a logcabin on the lake in the North Woods of Wisconsin. Not quite beachy, but same principles: sitting on the dock reading, going out in a rowboat pretending like we know how to fish, cooking metric assloads of bacon in cast-iron skillets, trespassing on other people's property to access pretty views, etc. And playing cards.
I'm sure y'all already have this covered, but I recommend bringing a set of computer speakers to hook up to laptop and/or iPod so you can have tunes while hanging out drinking/playing cards/cooking.
planning meals and executing them
Been working on the resume lately?
M/tch, just because I don't have my finger on the pulse of the street like you do doesn't mean I'm too white for Sam's. I'll just explain to them how much I enjoy Will Smith and Condi Rice, and that I actually have a black cat. Okay, half-black.
114: Now you're just over-compensating for 87.
118: Enough with the shaming, heebie.
120: you can't be, it's out of your control.
119: That sounds like a good euphemism, although I'm not sure what it should mean:
"Man, his thick southern drawl totally gives me the shaming heebies!"
Sam's is open 'til about 4 a.m. or so—it gets slammed when the bars close. I use to live close to that place. They've offered to FedEx me 'cue in the past.
FedEx me 'cue
Do people really do that? Does it work?
Pigman's in Nags Head has excellent 'cue. Outer Banks Brewing Company has great microbrews. The aquarium in Manteo is fun if it's raining or whatever. Nags Head Woods is fun to explore if you like nature hikes. Try the Colington Cafe for haute cuisine, or Billy's Seafood if you want to cook your own.
FedEx me 'cue
Arr, they're after me lucky cue!
The Outer Banks is (are?) the only beach(es) I'm interested in seeing. I'm not normally much of a beach person myself, don't like to swim or be battered by waves, etc., but I do dearly love to sit and read for hours under an umberlla. My understanding is that Nag's Head is a lot more commercial than it was the last time I was there (1990 or so) but it is undeniably beautiful. I once entertained fantasies of moving there but then I sat out Fran a couple hundred miles inland and decided they couldn't pay me enough to live there full-time.
"then I sat out Fran a couple hundred miles inland and decided they couldn't pay me enough to live there full-time."
C'mon, there's no better place to put down roots than a hurricane-prone sandbar. I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.
Ogged, what won't you pay me $100 to do? I think we might have a more efficient transaction if you just offer me a menu and I get to check "no" down the list and hand it back.
130: Hugs, Sifu, but I say we enjoy the Outer Banks while they're still there. If somebody crazier than me wants to live there then more power to them.
"but I say we enjoy the Outer Banks while they're still there."
No doubt, no doubt. It is a crazy place to build anything permanent, though.
130.I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.
Multiple times, even. Yay flood insurance! Seriously, there is a reason that housing on the beach was originally refered to as "shacks".
you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.
Just be warned that flood insurance only covers the house itself, not the land. If the whole island washes away (or shifts a few hundred feet west, if the property is waterfront)--not a negligible concern on a sandbar barrier island--you're screwed, as the land is usually the most valuable part of the property by far.
I'm sure you'll get a terrific bailout when your house gets destroyed.
There was the developer in the southern Outer Banks who wanted to build a hotel on a part of the island the state had declared unfit for development. They sued for the right to build there, and won. Several years later, after said hotel had been demolished by some storm or another, they turned around and sued the state for allowing them to build there. And won.
133. Houses on barrier beaches are a very interesting study. On the one hand, you have some hardy spinster types eeking out an existance on the sea/ beach. Then you have the playground for the affluent. Who do you suppose gets the bailout, and who do you think it was intended for? For example, my family's house on Fire Island is over 100 years old (Get over yourself- it was WASPy waay before it went gay) We have moved it twice, but now the beach has eroded so much that there is nowhere to go. On the one hand, so what? But the barrier beach protects the mailand against the same forces, and the mainland is where the real people, and more importantly the voters, live, so we are seeing some action about erosion protection. But again, there are about 50 different opinions on what to do.
But the barrier beach protects the mailand against the same forces, and the mainland is where the real people, and more importantly the voters, live, so we are seeing some action about erosion protection. But again, there are about 50 different opinions on what to do.
Insofar as I understand it, the thing about barrier beaches is that they're supposed to move around -- shift in and out and so forth. What fucks up the system erosion-wise is efforts to keep what is essentially a sandbar motionless under the million-dollar house someone built there.
It's a shame for your family, when they built the house they didn't know. But people living on barrier islands shouldn't be able to get insurance, and they shouldn't be getting federal assistance to keep them from washing away. (Assistance to relocate to dry land? I'm all over that.)
The problem with erosion protection on barrier islands is that they're meant to erode. If you don't let them shift around and accumulate more-or-less naturally, you usually end up hastening their demise. But whatever, you have to put your barbecue joints someplace. I just don't think there should be infinite bailouts and rebuilding.
cf. my unlamented New Orleans blogging.
Invite us to your family's house on Fire Island! UnfoggeDGetaway!
137. No crocodile tears, please. As much as I love the place, I'm all for letting the sea reclaim its own. And the reality is, for all the infrastructure now in place, it really is just a jumped up shack. I am amazed how it is still standing. Probably all the termites holding hands.
it was WASPy waay before it went gay
Girlfriend, who wasn't?
140: But then everyone will knowthink we're gay!
143.---The gays on Fire Island know how to partay! Or so I've read.
Two words: Beach Bocce
One more word: Frisbee
Shacks are the best beach houses; and you should enjoy it until the hurricanes wash it away.
A friend of mine lived for several years in the park ranger station on Fire Island while doing research there. He frequently had the experience of finding gay couples having sex in the restricted areas of the seashore. They'd get mad at him, especially when he'd point out that they were not allowed to be there (this friend's initials are not SEK.)
140. Invite us to your family's house on Fire Island! UnfoggeDGetaway!
I plan to be in residence Mid July. I'm sure something can be arranged.
150: Unfortunately he was looking for birds, not hott gay sex.
Much fun can be had in something like this if you don't get too stupid about it.
"There is nothing, absolutely nothing, half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats."
I am seeing Prairie Home Companion at Wolf Trap over Memorial Day Weekend.
Any DC Unfoggers are welcome to attend.
bitchphd hates Garrison Keillor. Just thought I'd get that part of the conversation out of the way.
155:
I know. I was throwing that out there as bait.
155: Standpipe, you're being condescending to your audience. Just like Keillor.
Standpipe has been notably bitter of late. That's what Ben says, anyway.
155 wasn't intended to inform.
Oh, lolcats, is there nothing you can't do?
B. wouldn't last a minute here in Lake Wobegon. She just doesn't have the mental toughness.
Bostonians should plan something for mid-June. Something involving the beach would be fun. Does anyone know anyone with a house on the Cape?
There is no lolcats that can express 164.
And I'd bestow upon the house most of the paintings I would create there (mind you, they're usually pretty foul).
For a weekend on Fire Island, yes, I'd paint chickens.
171: what colors would you paint them?
No, I'm not a professional (hence the caveat that my painting suck eggs), and I could see painting chickens in purple.
If 175 is what's in store at the Fire Island Non-Gay Meetup, count me out.
doesn't anyone want to watch a fight between me and smasher about the one true 'cue? SC! SC! SC!
I'm not sure I could bear the sight of smasher's ruined body in the aftermath.
smasher's ruined body
Ruined, having eaten so much artery-popping, valve-bursting, delicious Texas Q. Bring it, 'meida!
