Or at least relatively huge, given what I'm used to.
given what I'm used to
We have been divorced for quite some time.
I would imagine that having a large appendage gives one an additional sense of irrational confidence in dealings with other people, making it more likely that one will succeed in his chosen path.
I would imagine
Sorry to hear about your little appendage, dude.
@ 6: yes, one of the secrets to LBJ's success. That sly Lady Bird....
Quite the contrary, I'm just giving everyone else a head start at the moment.
"When my ex-wife appeared on Norton's show, they'd discussed a certain part of my anatomy. "It was the week my son started boarding school and I thought, 'Oh my God.'"
He could have avoided this embarrassing surprise if he had just shown it to his son before he left for school.
I'm just giving everyone else a head start at the moment
I think you've misunderstood the part about it "growing."
Obligatory Onion link: Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out
Sequel: Andrew and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamboat.
Some might call it "large", I suppose, but that's only if you include the execrescent growths and knobs. He definitely could make his living showing it.
In other news, *my* ex complains that I gave her too many orgasms...
Modesty suggests that I ought not relay my relevant anecdote.
"Modesty" s/b "fear of litigation".
Presumably she meant to say that he *is* a big dick.
Nice of her not to mention that his music sucks.
She started to say that it sucks huge, throbbing cocks, but then she broke down crying over what she'd lost and wasn't able to finish the sentence.
I've been trying and failing to come up with a good penis-related pun for an Andrew Lloyd Webber song, but I spent so much time on it that I figured I should post this anyway. For credit.
Just like for all of you, my exes have said offered compliments on my endowment. And we all know women would never lie about a thing like that, right?
Just like for all of you, my exes have said offered compliments on my endowment.
You have a trust fund?
I swear, your honor, she said I have a big dick, not that I am a big dick.
"I Don't Know How to Love Him" works well enough as is.
Are you as long as they say you are?
Query for the Womenz:
What if the cock is huge, but it looks really weird? E.g. oddly shaped, uncut, insundry unsightly features and colors, etc. Is this more desirable than a really good-looking but mid-sized tool?
Size-wise, assume that width is greater than length, as I understand the former is more important as regards the pleasure factor.
I never thought I'd say that I wish I had written Cats.
as regards the pleasure factor
on a going-forward basis.
but it looks really weird? E.g. oddly shaped, uncut, insundry unsightly features and colors, etc. Is this more desirable than a really good-looking but mid-sized tool
The todger as real-estate property. Recently renovated. Marbled. Desirable location.
To answer the question: looks matter if someone's cock is going to be all up in your face. Fit and feel matter for everything else. Small is best for blow jobs.
I do not wish to give anybody a complex, but, yes, some penises are more appealing than others, completely independant of volume.
Is there an area of cosmetics I don't know about?
Small is best for blow jobs
One of the weirder statements I've heard. Pardon my language, but the man attached to the dick in question is of more import. Barring warts and so forth.
No, but you know what? There damn well should be. Women get work done on their cooches, which afaik is completely unnecessary, but as JM admits, some cocks might could use a li'l work.
I think the logic of 39 is, or should be, completely obvious.
39: She's assuming cetiris paribus.
39: I think there was an implicit "all other things being equal" in there. And small whether small is best for BJs depends entirely on, uh. Er. Never mind.
What work do women get on their cooches? Cooches are just fine like they are.
What, have you had your head under a rock? Here.
It's the new frontier in plastic surgery. And really, it's entirely logical: the real reason women need to be prettier, prettier, prettier, is because they're, you know, women. And we all know that the girly parts are icky.
I frankly don't know what could be done for those penises to which I am less attracted, which tend towards the pink and dank. Since I tend to be suspicious of body-modelling surgery, I chalk my preferences up to the infinite variety of human physiology, and I make la moue.
45: So, wikipedia's article about vaginoplasty includes:
This article may require cleanup to meet Wikipedia's quality standards.
Fucking patriarchy.
"Dank" echoes "pink" so nicely, though, doesn't it? Perhaps the word I was looking for was "clammy." I want something to describe ambient texture, not smell.
Ack, and I really don't want to give anybody a complex. The two or three men whose "fragrant zones" are in the category I'm talking about had NO PROBLEM attracting other sexual partners. It's my hang-up.
Bleh. I decline to be entirely uncouth.
Whether one likes to go down on some of one's men and not others depends entirely on the man overall, in my experience, not on the size or shape of his penis in itself. that is all.
---
I think JM may be describing partial flaccidness, but who knows.
Texture? Huh.
Just to make sure no complexes are given, I'll say that my aesthetic criteria are totally different than JMs. I'm a little icked out by super-bulgy veins. I know it's an organ and all, but there's such a thing as looking *too* organy.
Size-wise, assume that width is greater than length...
Er, ok...
Also, I think that JM's dankness and clamminess think may have to do with the balls. Uh. You men all have them.
You must air them out! As often as possible! Sleep with your legs spread wide open! It feels good!
g'night
The unfogged wank-size file is availalbe via email. Just shoot little ben a note and you can have your pick of the litter.
Michelangelo and Leonardo worked mightily to make penises seem attractive, but as far as I'm concerned they failed. YMMV.
It just took more talent than those guys had, I guess.
Someone once called me to see if I would represent them to sue their doctor over a labia gentrification.
I probably would have had to review the before and after pictures. I declined.
Is "gentrification" a typo or the actual name of a surgical procedure?
33: Ditto. Some might even say uncut is rather fascinating.
Thinking that uncut = wierd is an American thing, I assume, anyway. Given that most non-Jewish/non-Muslim people the world over aren't cut.
I believe the name of the procedure is labiaplasty. One reason for the procedure is bc a woman wants her labia reduced.
"The Phantom of the Opera's inside my .... OOF!"
60, 64: You said "gentrification" when you meant "reduction", I think. (Unless you were talking about a box-shaped condo unit.)
66:
Yes, I am aware of the definition of gentrification. I thought it fit well:
" a phenomenon in which low-cost, physically deteriorated neighborhoods undergo physical renovation and an increase in property values, along with an influx of wealthier residents who may displace the prior residents"
66:
Who are you??!? The Grammar police?!?!?
But in this case the neighborhood isn't deteriorated, merely considered outmoded by the wealthier and trendy residents.
67: Wait, so you're saying this procedure will bring an influx of wealthy, er, residents? You should consider leaving the law for marketing...
"Wait, so you're saying this procedure will bring an influx of wealthy, er, residents?"
That was her hope.
What kind of law do you practice?
I'd like to see the actual ejection of the low-rent residents by the new, tonier residents. That would be a porn film I'd watch.
this procedure will bring an influx of wealthy, er, residents
Or it could ruin your porn career. You pays your money, you takes your chances.
Les Miserables wasn't written by ALW, Choppo.
71: Your basic insurance defense mishmash, for the most part.
Fine. My musical theatre knowledge is limited to Les Miserables (my high school chorus did a few songs from it), and... um, well, that might be it. Oh wait, Cats!
Testicles, Dongs and Vesicle Splats
From the link in 73:
She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up.
Trying to hole up was her original mistake, no? She couldn't be satisfied with the one God gave her, and now look what happened.
If you touch me, you'll understand what my penis is...
My musical theatre knowledge is limited to Les Miserables
Really? No "Oklahoma!"? No "The Music Man?" I thought the musical theater standards were pretty inescapable.
81: Oklahoma, right. Someone here should be able to work with Surrey with a Fringe on Top, I'd think.
Hey Broadway people, when is someone going make Apocalypse Now into a musical?
Someone here should be able to work with Surrey with a Fringe on Top, I'd think.
As high as an elephant's eye, I was thinking.
Hey Broadway people, when is someone going make Apocalypse Now into a musical?
Better than that: check out this CT thread.
OPENING CREDITS
SOUNDTRACK: Jim Morrison sings "The Internationale". Fade into overhead shot of Karl lying flat on his back on his desk.
MARX: (V/O) Bloomsbury. Shit. Two weeks and I was still in the British Museum Reading Room. Every time I looked around, the political philosophy shelves moved in a little closer.
Everyone gets what he wants. I wanted an overarching critique of the modern politico-economic system. And for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service.
...
ENGELS: (puts down dog-eared copy of "Elements of the Philosophy of Right") It is clear to me that Herr Hegel has gone insane.
MARX: Yes, sir. Obviously insane.
ENGELS: And he is still out there, still discussing the nature of existence. We want you to go to Germany, and terminate his tenure.
PROUDHON: Terminate with extreme prejudice.
Mildly OT, New Scientist magazine tells me that the WHO has a campaign to popularise the circumcision of adult men (against HIV infection), led by one Doctor de Kock.
85. Are you sure it isn't a secret Jew conspiracy? I mean, ouch!