Re: America: Still A Banana Republic

1

No, this is right. This means we have a screwy sheriff (the one who decided to let her out) who got put in his place by a competent judge. It's a circus, still, but it's functioning.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:04 PM
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Well, yes, it is a functioning circus.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:08 PM
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You know, Marie Antoinette didn't actually say "Let them eat cake". I am all for just desserts, but the spectacle is getting out of hand.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:10 PM
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Perhaps the saddest thing about today's events.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:17 PM
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What if this actually serves as a deterrent? You know, as in, Paris might not be as flippant about breaking the law in the future if she knows that she'll actually get jail time, despite her fame and fortune.

I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin...


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:18 PM
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(Linked because I don't think I can insert pictures in comments.)


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:18 PM
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4: OMG.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:19 PM
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7: Is that OMG as in "OMG, Bush is drinking again!!11!one!"


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:20 PM
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Surely there are people who won't click through the original post but who wouldn't want to miss this:

Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants.

NOTE: I officially nominate Judge Michael Sauer for President of the Entire Universe.

I have to admit that I felt a teensy bit sorry for her on seeing the picture, the same way I feel sorry for my daughters when I have to punish them. For lesser infractions, of course.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:23 PM
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8 I saw a blurb this morning that Bush was missing part of the G8 summit this morning because he wasn't feeling well.... Stomach virus, hangover. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:25 PM
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Nick Ut's wikipedia entry notes his new assignment. Although, for all we know, he's not a particularly great photographer, right?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:26 PM
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That picture of Bush drinking a beer also contains the bottle which is easily identified as non-alcoholic.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:26 PM
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I wonder if not getting your way is much harder if that has never happened to you before.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:27 PM
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11: Well, I didn't know that. Just recognized the name. He does seem to have the great photographer's knack for being in the right place at the right time, though.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:28 PM
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13: That's why sometimes I have to punish my daughters.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:29 PM
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So that when they're sent to jail, they have the emotional resources to handle it. Good thinking.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:31 PM
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13: That's why sometimes I have to punish my daughters.
Whether they deserve it or not, just to keep 'em off balance.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:31 PM
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What, you thought he could retire off of the one Vietnam shot?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:32 PM
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Sorry, 18 to 4.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:32 PM
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18: Not really, I just thought he'd still be, I don't know, respectable? (Although I suppose after Vietnam, traveling to war-torn countries might lose its luster.)


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:34 PM
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Academics don't believe, deep down, that anyone should have to work for a living.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:34 PM
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12: Non-alcoholic being a misnomer. If you click through the "View Buckler" link in the link you provided, you learn that it does contain 0.5% alcohol. Not alot, obviously, but...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:35 PM
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But Ogged, who will donate to the endowment if no one works?


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:36 PM
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12: And alcoholics shouldn't be drinking low alcohol beer. It's a bad idea.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:36 PM
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Nick Ut seems to have the great photographer's knack for making young girl's cry.


Posted by: Zane | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:36 PM
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21: What I do is work. It's just not productive.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:36 PM
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20: I think you may have a romantic view of what it means to be a news photographer.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:37 PM
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0.5% is really close enough to nothing to not count. Some kinds of bread contain more than 0.5% alcohol.

A lot of recovering alcoholics won't drink non-alcoholic beer, but I don't think it's because of the alcohol content so much as it's because of the implied presence of alcohol. Anyway, Bush is not a recovering alcoholic -- he just quit drinking one day. He's a dry drunk.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:38 PM
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What's not-respectable about that photo? I guess my standards are low.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:39 PM
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25 is awesome.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:41 PM
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28: Not everyone agrees.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:42 PM
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29: serious. If he was out there photographing Britany getting out of a cab sans underwear that'd be one thing, but this is legitimate news. And a pretty good photo to boot.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:43 PM
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Stomach virus, hangover

Whichever it was, we have been denied the awesome symmetry of Bush the Lesser vomiting into a prime minister's lap.

For years after his father's memorable meal in Japan, Bushu-suru, or "to Bush," was slang for public vomiting.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:44 PM
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31, that article seems to back up what I was trying to say -- near beer isn't dangerous because it contains alcohol, but because it smells and tastes like beer which can trigger cravings for alcohol.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:44 PM
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I won't drink non-alcoholic beer because it tastes wrong and reminds me that I'd much rather have a real beer. I felt this way about that stuff even before I quit drinking.

As to the bread and such: I agree. My understanding is that various alcohols are produced in the body as products of the metabolism. I have had long talks with other non-practicing drunks about this and, well, opinions differ.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:45 PM
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21: I don't believe anyone should have to work for a living, but if we abolish work, we still need somewhere that people can go to hide from their families for most of the day.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:46 PM
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29, 32: I know it's news, but I mean, it's not quite the same.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:46 PM
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Academics don't believe, deep down, that anyone should have to work for a living.

Of course everyone has to work. That's when you do your intellectually challenging, personally fulfilling research and writing. If you didn't work, when would you help shape human knowledge?


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:46 PM
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SEK demands burnt children, dammit!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:47 PM
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If you didn't work, when would you help shape human knowledge?

Commenting on Unfogged, naturally.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:48 PM
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Preach it, brother. There is no reason I couldn't work from home, other than I can't work at home. Too many honeydoos.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:49 PM
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39: But only if they're crying.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:49 PM
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It is a good photo, though, and sometimes the news near you is weeping Paris rather than burning children. It seems very fitting to mix it up in such a way. The range of human experience!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:49 PM
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"I swear by Paris' blistered anus, no child shall burn again."


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 2:52 PM
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38: If you didn't work, when would you help shape human knowledge?

I do believe we should denote this philosophy as "M-work."


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:01 PM
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46

Where was Judge Sauer when we needed him? OJ would be in prison!


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:17 PM
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47

Racist.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:20 PM
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Nah, sexist -- I'm prejudiced against men who kill their wives. But it's not my fault - I blame society, and its "laws" and "morals" that have corrupted my mind.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:22 PM
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48: Boy, are you gonna feel busted when the Juice reveals the real killer. Any day now.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:25 PM
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She was his ex-wife, right? Big difference. Racist.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:25 PM
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Brock exposes me!


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:26 PM
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51:

I thought this was a no-cock thread.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:29 PM
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52: Sexist!


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:32 PM
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Whichever it was, we have been denied the awesome symmetry of Bush the Lesser vomiting into a prime minister's lap.

A friend of Buck's was working in TV news at the time: I've seen the footage uncut.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:33 PM
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54, see 52.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:46 PM
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Academics don't believe, deep down, that anyone should have to work for a living.

Not anyone, just those we deem as gifted as ourselves. I checked with the gang and we're mostly OK with you working.


Posted by: cw | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:47 PM
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Woah. In other celebrity malfeasance news, check out Judge Walton's grant of a motion to file an amicus brief in the Libby case. IANAL, so I don't know how common a snarky footnote in a routine filing is, but it certainly does sting.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:48 PM
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The first few nights of Army Basic Training, there'd be one or two guys quietly sobbing in the silence after lights out.
It's a shattering thing to completely lose control of your life, and to be utterly helpless: to realize that how you feel and what you want makes absolutely no difference.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:48 PM
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57: Ouch. I feel like I got bitch-slapped just by reading it.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:52 PM
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57:

Is that real?

If so, Judge Walton wins my vote for Judge of the Month. Fabulous!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:52 PM
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57 - Oooooph! That was excellent.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:54 PM
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Rowr. Go Judge Walton!


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:54 PM
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Awesome.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:55 PM
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It's a shattering thing to completely lose control of your life, and to be utterly helpless: to realize that how you feel and what you want makes absolutely no difference.

Some of us call that "marriage."

And yeah, Judge Walton rocks!


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 3:59 PM
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Judge Walton is teh hero! Man alive.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:07 PM
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Fabulous, wonderful judge snark is one of my favorite genres of all time. xoxox!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:09 PM
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Will Libby bring a filing like that up on appeal? Seems gratuitous to me.


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:10 PM
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Fabulous, wonderful judge snark is one of my favorite genres of all time. xoxox!

Clearly, you are not a lawyer.

I suspect most lawyers think "Whew! Glad that wasnt me!"

Not me, of course. I recently had a successful published victory in an appellate court. (This slightly offsets all the crushing humiliations in appellate courts.)


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:13 PM
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I am indeed not a lawyer, though my mom is a judge (worker's comp -- I don't think she produces much in the way of crushing snarkery, but she could, I suppose, for all I know).


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:15 PM
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redfoxtailshrub:

sorrell!@!! Gotta get sorrell!! off to the store!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:18 PM
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I do think it's generally bad behavior, because there's nothing compelling the judge to be fair about it. But it can be awfully funny.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:18 PM
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Judges are routinely expected to give careful, polite consideration to utter b.s. It must wear on them after a while.

Judge Walton, who has doubtless sentenced many a fellow who was lucky to have his public defender awake for the hearing, was entitled to raise an eyebrow at an *amicus* (i.e., free) brief's being filed on behalf of the well-lawyered Libby.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:22 PM
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Will, you're gonna like that one with the tortillas and the sorrel. BTW: "fajita-sized" tortillas, in case you don't eat a lot of fajitas, means "as big as one layer of the frittata". This was not clear to me.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:31 PM
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Ah yes, I can see how that would be mysterious.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:32 PM
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Hell, I'll go make a note of it in that entry right now.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:32 PM
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76

57 makes me happy you people are so obsessed with Paris Hilton.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:35 PM
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Why? There is some legal ethics rule requiring lawyers to soak the rich?


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:36 PM
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Yes, James, we hate the rich. That's precisely the point. Your robot super powers are TEH AWESOME!!!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:39 PM
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Yes, James, we hate the rich

Wait B, Phd I thought you were nouveau? Your self loathing can be helped, with therapy.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:41 PM
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In general, though, r-f-t-s: super yum!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:43 PM
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I'm so glad. Your enjoyment makes me very happy.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:45 PM
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Too bad Paris didn't shoot someone, she would have received a lighter sentence.
http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/0,2845,MCA_25340_5576886,00.html


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:46 PM
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Wow, that deserves an honored place in the Footnote Hall of Fame. What makes it even better is that according to his official bio, Walton is a GWB appointee.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:46 PM
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79: Speaking of self-loathing, you should see the concerned emails I get from patronizing assholes who just want me to realize that "bitch" is a bad word.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:52 PM
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The fact that she screamed and wailed and cried (genuinely instead of alligator) kind of makes Paris seem human to me, instead of her usual deeply comical mannekin self.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:53 PM
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From my secretly placed sources deep inside the nether regions of Chancery, I learn that Paris Hilton's named psychiatrist, Dr. Sophy, has a "fake orange tan going on year round". Exclusive to Wrongshore! Must credit Wrongshore!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:55 PM
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84. I always thought that you had a Ph d in Bitching, not that you were shrill. Live and learn.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 4:55 PM
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Great investigative work, Wrongshore.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:01 PM
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My source also told me that "he drives a very nice BMV or Audi and is alway dressed in what appears to be extremely expensive suits" but I held that back, because I am no chismoso.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:06 PM
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a very nice BMV or Audi

So now we know that your source is Cryptic Ned.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:07 PM
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87: Definitely not shrill. Just honest.

And my PhD's in bra and shoe studies, actually.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:08 PM
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Is he German?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:09 PM
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"Let's meet Roseland?" "Let's meet Jim?" "Let's meet Anna Beth?" Come on, Dr. Sophy, let's meet Paris!


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:10 PM
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No, he's the one who doesn't know what kind of car his girlfriend drives.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:11 PM
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To see a satirical tongue-in-cheek graphic titled "The Big-Attitudes" which updates the Biblical Beatitudes to fit the Paris Hilton fiasco...link here:

www.thoughttheater.com


Posted by: Daniel DiRito | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:19 PM
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Pastry, dammit, not spam.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:20 PM
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88: Apparently, someone hasn't been reading her shrink's blog.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 5:24 PM
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A friend just emailed me one of today's Paris Hilton photos, captioned "IM IN UR SQUAD CAR CRYIN BOUT YOUR JUSTICE".


Posted by: zadfrack | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 6:58 PM
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The news coverage for the is off the hook.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 7:13 PM
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you should see the concerned emails I get from patronizing assholes

I try to do you a favor, and this is the thanks I get?


Posted by: cw | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 8:00 PM
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A spectacle it was indeed. I watched part of it once, turned the channel, and then laughed my ass off.

If that's the worst thing that can happen in a rich person's life, how pitiful. People like her don't know what it's like to truly suffer, and that's sad. How can you grow as a person if you don't endure suffering throughout your life, as opposed to living they way she has? The worst part is that she felt she was above the law, which made me physically ill. Seeing her cry in that squad car made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Sorry, but it did. Now, on to the next topic. She doesn't deserve this much attention.


Posted by: Jacq | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 8:39 PM
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I mean, i really enjoyed her pain, but its also fucking relative. If a dude in africa gets some meat once a month its a big enjoyemnet. I bet this whole episdoe really hurt PAris, in a way we can barely understand.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 8:48 PM
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"IM IN UR SQUAD CAR CRYIN BOUT YOUR JUSTICE".

So awesome.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:06 PM
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I think now is the time for Kirk Cameron to visit Paris and bring her to Jesus.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:07 PM
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104: That would be a great plot for her next porn movie.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:11 PM
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Only if it's this Jesus.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:16 PM
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104: Thanks, but no thanks.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:16 PM
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106: Is there another?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:24 PM
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You all will be glad to hear that the medical ward where Paris will be spending the weekend (assuming the women's is the same as the men's) is actually quite comfortable, with regular hospital beds and perfectly reasonable food.


Posted by: Ulysses S. Grant | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 9:46 PM
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1: I just belatedly realized that I went to HS with the "screwy sheriff," some 47 years ago! Haven't seen him since. . . . but still, that's only 2 (3?) degrees of separation from Teh Celebritah!


Posted by: dr ngo | Link to this comment | 06- 8-07 10:37 PM
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James Wolcott has come out in defense of Hilton. He believes that we should satisfy our schadenfreude needs elsewhere.

Sorry, Jim. You seem to think that schadenfreude opportunities lie thick on the ground, but it ain't so. We take what we can get.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 4:34 AM
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Speaking of, has everyone seen this vid of Nancy Grace getting owned? [h/t xanax on Obsidian Wings]


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 6:18 AM
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Speaking of Paris Hilton, dangit.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 6:18 AM
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It's a shattering thing to completely lose control of your life

Oh come on. It's day to day normality for most people in the world. Just because a few folks in America and Europe can pay never to grow up doesn't mean we have to waste sympathy on them.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 7:21 AM
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112:

that was funny.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 7:24 AM
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110: It's a small world after all.


Posted by: Anarch | Link to this comment | 06- 9-07 10:46 AM
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