Re: Parents Love Me

1

Dude, what are you doing?


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:11 PM
horizontal rule
2

Was this one of eHarmony's scientifically determined matches?


Posted by: JGO | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:13 PM
horizontal rule
3

It's like one of those "how to build your online profile" articles:

In the interests section, you may have written, "I have an obsession with serial killers, mass murderers, dictators, cults, psychopaths, and psychotics." That might sound a little intense for some people! Changing a few words can make your hobbies seem a lot more engaging. For example, you could change the above to, "I enjoy reading about the odd corners of history, and love to hike."


Posted by: Epoch | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:14 PM
horizontal rule
4

I think this guy has a very small range of good potential partners, but once he finds the exact right girl they will be very happy together. Especially since they each thought there was no one else in the world like them.

Only problem is, it's likely all of his good potential partners live in LA or NYC. He should really put an ad in Fangoria or something.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:15 PM
horizontal rule
5

Funny, he didn't mention snuff films.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:16 PM
horizontal rule
6

He could always show up at Manson's next parole hearing and start macking on any age-appropriate women he finds there.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:19 PM
horizontal rule
7

once he finds the exact right girl they will be very happy together.

I used to work with someone who had a bulletin board full of Andrew Cunanan photographs. At the time I thought she (age 17) would grow out of it.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:22 PM
horizontal rule
8

Nothing says "Tod Browning" like "Takashi Miike".


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:29 PM
horizontal rule
9

Maybe this is emulating those London lit review personals that are as vile as possible.


Posted by: ptm | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:30 PM
horizontal rule
10

This guy is 30?

From one perspective, a born bookseller, specializing in true crime, psychotic style. There's a niche. Zero in on that bookshelf, baby.

Don't ask me why I think of this, but I do. I just do.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:31 PM
horizontal rule
11

"No, I'm not Charlie Manson. Not quite. But I'm available, and he's not."


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:39 PM
horizontal rule
12

They'll be very happy together . . . until he kills her and stuffs her body into the chimney, or else they join in a suicide pact. Whichever comes first.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:40 PM
horizontal rule
13

Naw, I bet a girlfriend would be very stabilizing for him. The serial killer potential all comes out if he spends another ten years lonely and isolated.

You know, Fangoria really does have a personals section. That would be worth checking out.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:47 PM
horizontal rule
14

I vote for the suicide pact. He looks too emo to be a chimney-stuffer.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:48 PM
horizontal rule
15

I bet a girlfriend would be very stabilizing for him.

Ladies, line up to volunteer to prevent me from becoming a serial killer! Chances of my actually killing *you* are fairly low. Ish.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 5:49 PM
horizontal rule
16

I can't believe you found my profile. How embarassing!


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 6:20 PM
horizontal rule
17

That guy is hilarious. You, the squares, are being freaked as we speak.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 6:21 PM
horizontal rule
18

Never has the "hide more" option been as appealing.


Posted by: Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 6:23 PM
horizontal rule
19

What's wrong with that guy? We've all had late-night wikipedia binges reading about Erszebet Bathory and H. H. Holmes, and that German guy who ate someone's penis, haven't we? What about those mock-horror true-story graphic novels? And who doesn't like giallo? I'm being serious. I think his interests are perfectly bourgeois.


Posted by: CG | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 6:51 PM
horizontal rule
20

I think his interests are perfectly bourgeois.

Interests: Horror movies, What Have They Done To Solange?, the Cleveland Torso Killer, giant spiders.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:11 PM
horizontal rule
21

I love that he feels he must point out "Political correctness and uptight people bother me."

Trust me buddy, your pictures say that loud and clear.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:15 PM
horizontal rule
22

I am actually surprised there is someone that interesting in Tulsa.


Posted by: lee | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:16 PM
horizontal rule
23

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

!!! If a joke, not really funny. If not a joke, pretty bigoted.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:21 PM
horizontal rule
24

23: Unless he lives in Tulsa, or nearby.


Posted by: pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:22 PM
horizontal rule
25

Actually it's funny regardless.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 7:24 PM
horizontal rule
26

10 gets it right. The guy looks 15.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 8:05 PM
horizontal rule
27

At least he's not offering his special lady champagne suppers and walks on the beach. That would be creepy.


Posted by: dos | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 9:03 PM
horizontal rule
28

20: How did I not hear of these remarkable sculptures before? I feel like such a rube, spiderless, in flyoverland. Do you think there are tiny replicas offered for sale?


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 9:11 PM
horizontal rule
29

Why didn't you link this picture, ogged? It captures the spirit of the thing much better.


Posted by: John Tyler | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:02 PM
horizontal rule
30

Or this one!


Posted by: John Tyler | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:05 PM
horizontal rule
31

Jesus. Where are you finding these?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:06 PM
horizontal rule
32

He's in the bathtub so he won't make too much of a mess for whoever has to clean it up! What a considerate, fastidious young man.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:06 PM
horizontal rule
33

I'm totally moving to Tulsa. I want to cuddle with him and his gun...in my mouth.


Posted by: lee | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:07 PM
horizontal rule
34

Same place I thought you found his profile. Googled an improbable phrase from what you posted...


Posted by: John Tyler | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:07 PM
horizontal rule
35

Those pictures are seriously screwed up but thanks they are hilarious in a hideous way.


Posted by: lee | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:08 PM
horizontal rule
36

What the hell is on his head?


Posted by: lee | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:10 PM
horizontal rule
37

I see where you are; no, I saw his Salon Personals ad, which uses the same text, but not all the same pictures.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:11 PM
horizontal rule
38

So is this guy a decent but screwed up kid or an actual danger to someone down the line? He's certainly got a little crazy in those eyes, and you can't tell me you'd be surprised if you saw him on the news one night.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:16 PM
horizontal rule
39

No way to know, really. Everybody I've ever known like that has been a weirdo but basically harmless, but then again people who snap do generally seem rather like that kid. He seems pretty social for an antisocial loner, though, if he's posting a personal ad.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:17 PM
horizontal rule
40

He definitely needs a lot of work. But I'm positive I can change him!


Posted by: wb | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:18 PM
horizontal rule
41

He's got goth chicks telling him he's sexy. And those pictures were taken by a photographer, and they are actually a bit arty. I vote "not a danger".


Posted by: John Tyler | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:20 PM
horizontal rule
42

41: Probably right, but someone considering responding might prudently wonder if the guy is trolling for victims.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:25 PM
horizontal rule
43

I just realized what these photographs reminded me of: Larry Clark's book "Tulsa." No, this guy is no menace.


Posted by: wb | Link to this comment | 07- 3-07 11:38 PM
horizontal rule
44

Does he mean this to be an actual ad, or maybe more along the likes of "Here's my personality! I'm making my mark on this tinytiny little corner of the internet" ?

I wonder if people use matchmaking ads when they just can't face the relatively interactive means of announcing themselves to the world of MySpace or Facebook or whatever.com, but still want to say, "Here! I'm here!"


Posted by: Goofyfoot | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 12:33 AM
horizontal rule
45

He's also on myspace, and seems to have some friends.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 12:35 AM
horizontal rule
46

He's also on myspace, and seems to have some friends.

So was this guy.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 12:41 AM
horizontal rule
47

This reminds me of the "worst ever dating videos" sketches from Smack The Pony.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 3:32 AM
horizontal rule
48

I think this guy has a very small range of good potential partners, but once he finds the exact right girl they will be very happy together. Especially since they each thought there was no one else in the world like them.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 6:54 AM
horizontal rule
49

I dunno, I know some people sort of like him (as far as one can tell from this ad) and most of them aren't too bad. There's a lot of posturing involved in their interests--and I don't mean that, entirely, in a bad way. There's something compelling about people who are so driven to stylize themselves, and I suppose that if I lived in Tulsa and were not-so-gender-normative I might be rather into annoying Aunt Authority.

Contra someone way way back there who remarked that this fellow's interests were totally bourgeois, my experience is that the fellows who are really into the true crime and the skulls and the "perverse" fascination with violence are often from a working class/lower middle class background. It has, in my opinion, something to do with gender and the performance of masculinity and class norms and a sort of non-middle-class understanding of what's avante-garde. (There's my thesis! Hooray!)

Also, I think the position in our culture of violence/slasher films/horrible pictures of people getting hurt (all of which I hate!) is really changing in response both to the widespread availability of pornography and the tensions within media over how to show people and bodies ("perfect", plastic surgeried/airbrushed vs. "real"/hidden camera/YouTube). So in a sense, I think ol' bleached and scary has his finger on the pulse, you know?

Granted, he's not my personal type, but I'm not entirely sure that he'd be a bad pick if one shared enough interests.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 6:56 AM
horizontal rule
50

Zee OMG, as the kids say. This guy is half my friends from college including myself. He's harmless. He lives in the middle of nowhere and feels frustrated and at 30 he's still acting out against what he perceives as complete, zombified conformity all around him. I bet he talks about nothing but his own emotions when he gets really drunk. If I woke up in 1997 and in Tulsa I would totally try to lay him. Good grief, I still have days when I try to think of myself as being like this guy. Having obscure tastes in horror movies (Miike is a great filmmaker even if I'll never, ever watch Audition a second time) doesn't make him a psycho. I wouldn't at all be surprised if he's just a person living through violent times in a violent world and one of his coping mechanisms is to try to abstract that out and separate it from himself by obsessing over films. If he's drinking all the time he's already trying to shut out some part of the world or otherwise numb himself to it. Relegating all the darkness of human experience to the DVD player is probably just another expression of that. He's posting to personals sites and going to school at 30. He's reaching out in some way.

OK, yeah, so he could be a psycho-in-waiting. I don't know. One paragraph isn't a lot to go on. Still, I look at that and I can count off a half-dozen good friends of mine, past and present, who in some way fit the bill and were just fine unless you count "confused/conflicted about their future or the future of the world in general and at a loss for how to express that" as fucked up.

I bet he is a blast at estate sales.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 4-07 9:25 AM
horizontal rule
51

Yeah. Pants--um--nails him. Guy is a walking Daniel Clowes cartoon. Really. One of the strips in--Twentieth Century Eightball, I think--is about someone very like this. Which isn't to say that he might not be lots of fun, too. But there's nothing especially weird or outre about his stated interests.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07- 5-07 12:42 PM
horizontal rule