Re: New Year's Resolution

1

Examples?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:07 PM
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2

Examples?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:07 PM
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3

Examples?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:07 PM
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4

Oops. I didn't mean to be that demanding.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:07 PM
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5

This one's mostly just a note to self.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:10 PM
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6

People seem to be out satisfying their carnal desires again.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:40 PM
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7

If only.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:41 PM
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8

Here everyone, watch this.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:42 PM
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I was staying in and satisfying my carnal desire for fancy French tea. Is the reason that the French mode of fancy tea so often involves fruits and flowers and things that they get their fancy tea habit via Russians who fled the revolution?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:49 PM
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7: Likewise. The only carnal desire I'm satisfying is my burning, insatiatiable, almost sexual desire to get this brief written. Except I haven't got a desire like that, which is why it wasn't done last week.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 3:57 PM
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11

I believe it was the ancient and wise Zaruthustra (the real one, not the German one) who said, "If you hesitate, don't."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:44 PM
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12

I was out seeing King of Kong. It was awesome.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:46 PM
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13

Carnal desires?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:49 PM
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14

13: Alas, to acknowledge is to suffer.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:51 PM
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The only carnal desire I'm satisfying is my burning, insatiatiable, almost sexual desire to get this brief under my belt.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:52 PM
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16

You can confide in Uncle John, little girl.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:53 PM
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17

Nope. I think after a solid two months, carnal desires go back in the old hidey-hole of denial.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 4:54 PM
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18

carnal desires go back in the old hidey-hole

So very low, this fruit.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:01 PM
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19

Well fine then. My prurience will have to take its business elsewhere. Be that way.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:02 PM
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20

hidey-hole of denial

IYKWIM


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:02 PM
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21

I've got some low-hanging fruit you can pluck, apo.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:02 PM
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22

I've got some low-hanging fruit you can pluck, apo.

Your "grapes" are probably sour anyhow.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:22 PM
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23

One crappy brief down (at least till it gets bounced back to me for a richly deserved rewrite); two to go.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 5:59 PM
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24

IANAL, so I've always wondered why it takes you so long to write them when they're called "briefs".


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:09 PM
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25

12 - King of Kong! Oh man, I'm jealous. That was supposed to be great. I thought you were supposed to be going to Six Flags?

I went to the Hasidic bra shop (this bra shop run by an Orthodox Jewish couple that AWB told me about that's supposed to be like the Ollivander's of lingerie stores). Eh. I was less than impressed. I didn't like what the lady picked out for me. (All of the bras are in little boxes along the walls -- you don't get to see the inventory. They decide what you can and can't wear.) I must have had this conversation twenty times:

- I don't like this bra. My boobs look smooshed compared to the one I'm wearing.
- But the one you're wearing makes your breasts look too big.
- But I like it when my breasts look big.

You might have better luck than I did, AWB, but I think I'm going to check out Town Shop or Brasmyths instead.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:24 PM
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26

Brasmyths sounds like the Ollivander's of lingerie stores.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:28 PM
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27

See the new convenient location, next door to Pantywayste's!


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:29 PM
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25: I'm sad to hear the bra shop wasn't much fun. I had heard they can be very controlling, all apparently in the name of your breast health, which both scares and titillates me. If you want someone to go with you to one of the other stores, I'm free later in the week and need supplies.

King of Kong was incredible. It was really genuinely heartbreaking and hilarious, and you should go!

Six Flags was canceled because we figured out that, for M's friend from Long Island, it was going to be about 6 hours travel each way, and we really should have planned an overnight in Jersey. We were disorganized. But next weekend is his last on the East Coast, so we're planning to go to a concert in Brooklyn full of Cleveland bands. Reunion!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:30 PM
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28 - I still appreciate you telling me about it. It was an experience! And they do indeed have Wacoals for 50% off. (It was such a good bargain I ended up caving and got two of the bras she insisted were the ones I should own, which did fit well and look nice despite minimizing, just because the price was so great. I figure I can wear them to work.) This week's pretty booked up but I'll keep you in mind the next time I get ambitious about bra shopping!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:44 PM
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30

And it's right up the street from Il Lab and they had my absolute favorite flavor (basil) in stock today.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:54 PM
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Yay AWB for going to King of Kong!

The director, Seth Gordon, shot, edited and produced New York Doll which I found elegant and beautiful. And punk rock.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 6:57 PM
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"I don't like this bra. My boobs look smooshed compared to the one I'm wearing.
- But the one you're wearing makes your breasts look too big.
- But I like it when my breasts look big."

Do it so Ogged doesnt walk into other women.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 7:28 PM
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Oh, I meant to add about KoK that there is a perfect moment when Steve Wiebe's kid interrupts a world-record-breaking game to scream "DADDY! WIPE MY BUTT! Stop playing Donkey Kong and WIPE MY BUTT!" PK would be proud.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 7:45 PM
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34

Brasmyths! Boy, talk about your dying metaphors: a smithy is a place where things are worked by hammering them, cold or hot but usually both, against hard objects, anvils and the like. Maybe the ones for Xena, or Brunhilde, but the association makes me wince.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 7:48 PM
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35

which both scares and titillates

Pun intended?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:12 PM
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36

35: What do you think, apo?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:14 PM
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37

And re:17, just as I'd decide to pack in all my desire and drop Nerve, I go over to delete my profile and I've got a message from a ridiculously cute young superstar chef with great taste in music and film telling me I'm beautiful. What am I supposed to do, Emerson? I'm trying to take the high road and live the solo life, but these gentlemen, they make me swoony, and then they break my heart!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:19 PM
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38

You don't want to date a chef. They have godawful schedules.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:20 PM
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39

Yeah, I don't care, though. Green eyes, dude. Green eyes.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:21 PM
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40

34: Maybe they make braziers.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:30 PM
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41

Hey-o!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:31 PM
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42

37: and that personality disorder is adorable!

Not that I'm one to talk. Summer of making out with bridesmaids: largely embarrassing so far, thanks.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:39 PM
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43

Don't worry, ST, school will start soon enough and you'll have plenty of opportunities to make out with other undergrads.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:40 PM
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44

Well, I haven't found out about the personality disorder yet, so we can deal with my disappointment and frustration when it manifests itself. Until then, we're in what's known as the "idealization" phase.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:41 PM
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45

I'm over undergrads. So to speak.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:41 PM
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46

44: just make sure he cooks you breakfast before climbing up on the pedastal.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:41 PM
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47

Pedostal.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:42 PM
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48

You've moved on to bridesmaids, then?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:42 PM
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49

Come on, you'll get it on the third try for sure.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:44 PM
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50

49: I only have one joke misspelling in me, thanks.

48: yes. Clearly I'm maturing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:46 PM
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51

Maybe once you graduate you'll be ready to move on to brides.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:48 PM
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52

How I see myself.

51: doesn't seem likely. They don't drink enough. I can aspire to barflies.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:49 PM
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53

Pedo-style.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:49 PM
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54

They don't drink enough.

Sounds like you're going to the wrong weddings.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:52 PM
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55

Ain't that the truth.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-19-07 9:53 PM
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56

OK. So i just googled on a (nonpolitical) subject, skimmed an article, and saw a quote that made me go "yeah, that makes sense, i should keep that in mind." Then i realized it was written by John McCain, US Senator. CAn unfooged suggest a plan of action?


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:13 AM
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57

I think that last double scotch let you down, yoyo. make the next one a triple, no ice, and that should clear things up.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:35 AM
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58

What kind of sick pervert puts ice in scotch anyway?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:39 AM
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59

i actually was smoking some stuff up. i have no booze around.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:59 AM
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60

drinking more scotch would be a good resolution, though. the last two years i think i've had a single bottle of whisky, and that was bourbon.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:02 AM
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re: 60

Me too. Maybe one bottle of scotch in the last two or three years. TBH, I really like the taste, but (irony) it doesn't really agree with me. One glass == near crippling heartburn.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:19 AM
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I've always had mine diluted a bit with water, it's what I always order at open bars, which in my life are usually weddings not important to me. Ice is common in the US.

How should it be drunk?


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:32 AM
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63

i just pour it out of the bottle into the glass and drink it.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:43 AM
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64

Most people I know either drink it straight or with a tiny drop of water. Ice, but, is definitely deprecated. I'm hardly an expert, though.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:53 AM
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I am an expert, as well as a sick pervert, and I say ice on! maybe it will take some of that just licked someone's ass peaty flavor away. or--god, I don't know why I even told you to have scotch; it seemed yoyo-ish somehow. just switch to bourbon and forget I said anything. not now though if you just smoked up, because you're liable to puke.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 2:08 AM
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66

39. Be strong, AWB. Also, reject the compliment. You are from the Midwest, no?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 3:52 AM
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67

"What a nice thing to say to a pig like me!"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:41 AM
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68

I don't see the difference between adding ice and adding water. Both bring out the flavor while making it less harsh, for me.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:00 AM
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69

I don't see the difference between adding ice and adding water.

Water doesn't change the temperature.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:10 AM
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70

That depends on the temperature of the water, I would think.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:39 AM
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71

Indeed.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:44 AM
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72

But ice cools it more, because of the change of state.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:03 AM
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73

A few drops of water should be added to good Scotch to open it up -- release the aromas and flavors. Or at least that's the ritual. More than a few drops (even a single ice cube's worth) definitely dilute the drink and spoil the pleasure. I suspect the chill from ice would also weaken the Scotch's aromatic powers; in any case, chilling single-malt Scotch is like chilling red wine. If the Scotch is cheap and blended, do what you want with it; same with other whiskeys.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:12 AM
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74

I've found that a good Scotch goes down better with 7-Up, if you don't like Scotch.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:42 AM
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75

Ice, but, is definitely deprecated.

Is this use of "but" sanctioned by your idiolect?

I had this really disturbing dream that I poured all of my booze into one big bottle for ease of storage (?!) apparently thinking that everything would separate by density, or something, so I could recover it later, and discovering to my shock that actually that didn't happen at all.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:49 AM
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re: 75

Yes, in fact it's used in other unusual ways in the general dialect where I come from. Scots from the western and central parts of the country will end a sentence with 'but'. In fact, it's a cliché that some Glaswegians end almost every declarative statement with 'but'.

"He isnae that bad, but ..."
"Cannae complain about this Chateau Lafitte 61, but ..."


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:54 AM
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77

Bartenders have a name for mixtures of leftovers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:57 AM
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78

re: 77

Long Island Iced Tea?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:57 AM
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79

Here in the US many people have an annoying habit of ending a sentence with "so", in order to convey the impression "This sentence could potentially end in a funny way, but I can't think of anything funny to end it with, so use your imagination."

"Well, you know, her mother is Irish, so..."
"And of course we were all pretty drunk, so..."

I think this started as a trick by standup comedians when they want to stop talking about something and move on to a different topic.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:00 AM
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80

I end sentences with "so," but usually to convey, "and you can guess the rest / see the implication."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:31 AM
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81

When do we start shwooping?


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:47 AM
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82

74: You savage.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:53 AM
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83

Usually I do it right in front of impoverished lovers of fine Scotch. I order a nice $100 single-malt and a bottle of 7-up, Dr. Pepper, or root beer and offer to mix them one too.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:00 AM
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84

The next logical step is some bizarre flavour of Jones Cola. Turkey 'n Gravy, maybe.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:05 AM
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85

Well, you know, her mother is Irish, so.

In Ireland, that sentence would mean "Well, you know, therefore her mother is Irish."


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:08 AM
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86

83: For the real reaction, you should use Strawberry Yoo-Hoo.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:09 AM
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87

So she's got an EU passport, the lucky skunk.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:09 AM
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86: if the real reaction in question is disgusting curdling, then yes.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:12 AM
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89

"But" is used almost exactly the same way in certain parts of NYC, especially Queens. I've caught myself doing it a few times.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:15 AM
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90

I don't have access to those fine mixes, but if I ever get a chance...........


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:16 AM
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91

Looks like I will never go drinking with Emerson, but...


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:29 AM
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92

I got fitted for a bra last week too! Wierdly, I got downgraded to a 36C, the size so many women think they are but aren't. So I bought a new bra and went home to bake a shitload of buttery cookies. Some of my old bras are nice, dammit.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:35 AM
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That's crazy, JM. When I finally got refitted, they moved me down to a 36C, too, and I balked. Where did you go? Was it more pleasant than Becks's time at the Hasidic Bra Shop?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:39 AM
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94

"But I like it when..."


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:42 AM
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95

I went to Bloomingdale's. They were advertising their semi-annual fitting event, and after all of my recent hullaballoo, I figured I deserved something nice---and it was nice! A lady from the Dior makeup counter was stationed outside the fitting rooms, and she shellacked my face for free (I think she was bored). The fitting lady was very calm about (wo)manhandling my tatas, and took about ten seconds to make her verdict. The lingerie dep't as a whole was a little frantic, though: sale + fitting event = chaos.

I'm fine with my breasticular downgrade. My nice old bras weren't really doing the job, and of course we former ballet dancers tend to get complexed about bumps in the line anyway.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:46 AM
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96

My old ones are all 38Bs, so I guess 36C is just a different approach to the problem. I hate to replace everything, though. It's an expensive undertaking.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:47 AM
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97

I order a nice $100 single-malt and a bottle of 7-up, Dr. Pepper, or root beer and offer to mix them one too.

Many of the Chinese nouveau riche drink their Mouton Rothschild mixed with Coca-Cola. I'm told that people do this in Chile as well.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:50 AM
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98

Well, I'm not going to throw them out. My weight fluctuates some, and I wouldn't be surprised if in the winter these new bras were too small.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:53 AM
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99

Last time I got fitted by some nice ladies at a dept. store (Nordstrom, maybe?), they encouraged the technique of putting on the bra and then leaning forward and scooping everything from the sides in. (Sorry if that's unclear to the men; the gals know what I mean.) Which is probably something most of you have been doing since 7th grade, but it hadn't occurred to me. It sort of felt like "cheating" at first, or pandering to the fetish for bigger breasts, or something, but then I figured that if I can get cancer in it, it can go in the bra.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:54 AM
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100

Huh. I'm comfortably in 34Cs, and would have guessed that I was significantly bigger around the rib cage than you were, not considering tits. I wonder whether my self-image is screwy or my bras are too tight.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:55 AM
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101

I've wondered whether 'women are wearing the wrong bra size' when the right size is almost always down-a-band-size, up-a-cup-size is just a change in styles and ideas of where the boobs should sit rather than us all wearing the wrong size. Like the fit of high-waisted vs. low-rise jeans.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:57 AM
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102

So how does own-a-band-size, up-a-cup-size change the sit?


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:59 AM
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103

if I can get cancer in it, it can go in the bra.

Ogged sits, quizzically, thinking about his kidneys.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:59 AM
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104

own s/b down, natch.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:00 PM
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105

The lady said I could be a 36C or, in certain lines, a 34D. It's not so cut-n'-dried as an actual measurement, it seems.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:00 PM
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106

I feel that the single-malts go better with the larger cup size, about 38D on up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:02 PM
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107

101: I think it's about where the support comes from. Having smaller cups doesn't really do anything for your boobs other than squish them around, while having a tight band (apparently) helps your chest hold them up, decreasing reliance on the shoulder straps. I can say that, in my old bras, I spend a lot of time yanking on straps, but I never have to do that with the new size.

100: I think JM has a big chest for her frame, probably from dancing. Mine's big from singing. We're probably at opposite ends of the dress-size spectrum, but chest size is one of the few things that doesn't really follow suit.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:02 PM
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107.---Yeah, I'm more sturdily built than it may appear. My sisters and I didn't fit into my mother's wedding dress by the time we were 10 or so.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:04 PM
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109

107 seems strangely Lamarckian. Yet there are plenty of sentences you could write explaining the growth of a man's chest that wouldn't make me blink. Still, the combination of activities that don't sound chest-expanding (I mean, with singing, sure, but only on the inhale) with the chest/breast confusion just addles me. I am addled.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:06 PM
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110

Huh. I look at you and think 'willowy', but if it's an optical illusion, it's an optical illusion. It's funny, though, because I think of myself as big around the ribcage -- I'm always a size or two larger in anything that's snug in that area under the bra strap but above the waist.

I suppose this is why I don't have a lucrative career as a bra-fitter.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:07 PM
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111

I've been trying to pretend for awhile that my pre-pregnancy bras still fit (too small in band and cup at 34B) and that my pregnancy bras are serviceable (too big in cup at 36C) and am occasionally conscious that neither is really doing the job; yet not until I put this scenario in print, right here, do I realize that a 36B is the obvious answer. But I don't like that size, on some emotional level.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:09 PM
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109: I broke mine open several times before it fully fused (which it usually does around age 19 or 20). Vocal training can be pretty painful, and takes advantage of the cartilaginosity of young bodies.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:10 PM
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113

Also, what does it mean when your straps are *always* falling down your arm? They do this even when I have them tightened to the smallest length. Does it mean I slouch or something?


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:11 PM
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114

102: For me, the smaller band-larger cup makes them sit a little higher. It's more flattering on me because I have a pretty short torso. I'm also happy about that change in bra-fitting because it means stores are starting to stock, say, D cups.

Of course, I'm currently wearing a bra that has developed a tear in the side of one cup. But I ordered a new one online! (andabustierididn'tneed)


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:12 PM
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115

If you do a lot of exercises that involve concentrated deep breathing, doesn't it make sense that your ribcage should expand a little? We're not talking about ten inches, just one or two more than it might otherwise be.

LB, I think it is optical illusion. Posture can make people seem longer than they are.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:14 PM
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116

113: Ironically, it doesn't mean you need to tighten the straps. They told me it was because I was wearing a too-big band size. If the band is the right size, the shoulder straps should sit easily on the shoulders without sliding around. It's crazy, and it works.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:16 PM
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115: It does make sense. It also makes me feel like my singing lessons have been really wussy.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:17 PM
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if you do a lot of exercises that involve concentrated deep breathing, doesn't it make sense that your ribcage should expand a little?

Apparently, I use my stomach when I breathe.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:17 PM
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Try breathing into your back, Will.

(Now I've got to run.)


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:19 PM
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112: what does it feel like to break your chest open? Without this kind of assistance, I mean.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:21 PM
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116: I think I've heard this before, it seems familiar. And yet I am sitting here in a 34 band, which I know is too small because it is digging into my back and sides, and the straps are falling down. There's got to be a posture element at play too.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:21 PM
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Your stomach should expand before your chest if you're doing healthy breathing.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:23 PM
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112 shocks me. I had no idea.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:24 PM
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120: It feels like a distinct, small pop, followed by a general soreness in the sternum for a week. But you really can't do it past your teens, because bones won't yield.

And yes, you should generally feel like you're breathing into your stomach, but when you're really trying to fill up the body with air for a very long passage, you should feel like you're filling up a pitcher with water, filling the gut, then the stomach, then the chest, and then even the upper chest. If you do this, very very intensely, a lot, while young, that last bit of air is what pops the cartilage at the sternum.

It is not a good idea and I have it on authority from a citified voice instructor that inhumane, backwards practices like this are cruel to children and only recommended in the most godforsaken places on earth. I thought it was kind of cool to see how some part of my voice training literally changed my body, forever, and now I have this weirdly barrelled ribcage.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:27 PM
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yeah me too.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:28 PM
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124: Is this something done to girl singers particularly? I took vocal training in childhood (esp between the ages of 9 and 13) and never had any inkling of this sort of thing.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:31 PM
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Fascinating, AWB. Thanks. Do you still sing?

As the result of of some deep eating exercises (and the decline of my youthful metabolism) I recently had to say goodbye to my long-held 32-inch waist. Just when I figured out I could have my clothes tailored to show off my skinny, it left me.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:32 PM
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125 to everything.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:34 PM
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126: It wasn't just the girls where I was, but we were in an obscure part of the country, and trained by a bizarre guy. He grew up doing backbreaking labor in the south and used that as an excuse for pushing our bodies to the point of pain. He was obsessed with absolute discipline, that kind of stuff, and, of course, we loved him like a father and would have done anything for him. He was pretty famous, in his way, in that singers from England would come to judge choral contests and would pay him the most lavish compliments before we started. But everyone seemed to fear him quite a bit, so I don't know if his methods were standard. They just reminded me of things I'd heard about singing training in other places, maybe fifty or more years ago.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:36 PM
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127: I kept it up until college, when I started drinking and smoking a lot so I could sound more like Lenya. I quit after I graduated, and haven't had much opportunity. I do a little karaoke sometimes. I still have all the equipment to be a great singer, but my range is down to two octaves from three, and my pitch and control are not awesome. It's a serviceable enough voice now. It's also difficult to find time/place to practice when you live in a tiny apartment with thin walls.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:39 PM
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124: It feels like a distinct, small pop, followed by a general soreness in the sternum for a week. But you really can't do it past your teens, because bones won't yield.

Huh. Except for the soreness in the sternum, which I didn't experience, this sounds like something that would happen to me from time to time in my early-to-mid thirties. It was like the sound of stretching and cracking your knuckles or the joints in your neck, but it would come from the center of my chest. Actually, now that I think about it, I would have soreness before stretching my chest, and stretching my arms back would produce the popping sound and release the soreness.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:43 PM
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OT Philosobleg: Yglesias writes

Rules and interpretations of this sort aren't self-enforcing (you can look it up in Wittgenstein)

What's the Wittgenstein reference mean?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:48 PM
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It means "HA HA I READ A BOOK THAT WAS HARD TO READ".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:50 PM
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Well, I haven't, and I want to be able to fake it. Seems no more or less admirable an impulse.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:54 PM
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Is Wittgenstein hard to read? I wasn't aware of that reputation, but then I haven't read any of his stuff.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:55 PM
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There's only a serious problem when you try to hold the high not and your chest explodes and sprays blood and guts all over the front row. But the show must go on.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:56 PM
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Perhaps not hard to read, but aye, to really understand it, one must struggle and strive, my dear boy. But I admire your enthusiasm.


Posted by: Cogg-Willoughby | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:57 PM
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There must be something in the water - I also recently got fitted for a bra. A last-ditch effort to see if I can actually wear underwire.

Underwire leaves marks on me, sometimes ones that last for days. I used to think I was alone on this, until a good friend showed me a *permanent scar* she got from an underwire bra...and got included into a coterie who pass around word on Cosabella and Calvin Klein soft bra sales in our sizes. 34-36B/C.

Bustier women still sometimes swear by their underwires to me, and claim I must have just had a bad fit, but I've tried a lot of different sizes and they were all painful and gougy. So I doubt it. I think underwire just happens to work for them.

Does anyone have a more informed opinion about this? If such a thing is possible??

(In a new 34B Le Mystere molded bra that feels like armor to me ... but that I will wait to pass judgment on until tonight).


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 12:57 PM
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What's the Wittgenstein reference mean?

IANAP, but I think he's talking about how Wittgenstein defined rules as a kind of contract between the various parties, one that doesn't really make sense if there isn't an enforcement mechanism provided by each side. Or something like that.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:03 PM
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Bitch on bras.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:04 PM
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I think that also said that you don't have an infinite hierarchy of rules + rules on the enforcement of these rules + other rules enforcing these rules enforcing the first rules...... etc.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:07 PM
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Hey, Wrongshore. I read B's posts on bras when they came out, and they don't address The Great Underwire Question.


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:24 PM
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mmf!, is there a reason that you are wanting underwire? If there are non-wired bras that work for you, why not just stick with those?

That said, if you still want to try, I second B's Wacoal recommendation-- their wires are really wide, with the outside edges ending just under the middle of the armpit.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 1:46 PM
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142: Hmm. Try Wittgenstein?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 2:58 PM
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Maybe 2.03 will help: Im Sachverhalt hängen die Gegenstände ineinander, wie die Glieder einer Kette.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 3:46 PM
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i have been hearing about the great Shaping Capabilities of underwire. Also I read a statistic (on here?) claiming all women begin sagging after some unbelievably young age like 21, and took heed. Also a certain green drapey grecian dress of mine, ahem...

But you're right, maybe it's best to stick with the tried and true. Soft bras are great - you just have to replace them a little more often.


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 3:49 PM
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142: Hmm. Try Wittgenstein?

that could work:

sublimate, sublimate.


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 3:58 PM
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Im Sachverhalt hängen die Gegenstände ineinander, wie die Glieder einer Kette.

"In the situation the objects hang next to one another, like breasts in a brassiere".


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 3:58 PM
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What's the Wittgenstein reference mean?

It's roughly the same conceptually as "Ok, so that's the right thing to do, but why should I do the right thing?" So, "Ok, that's the rule, now why should I follow it?" You can either have an infinite regress of rules (the rule is to follow the rules) or you need an enforcement mechanism.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:17 PM
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That's what the turtles are for.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:19 PM
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But now I'm thinking maybe that wasn't the answer to your question. Maybe the answer is, Wittgenstein went on about rules a lot.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:19 PM
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mmf!:
Charnos Bioform bras were supposed to replace underwire with something better, but it looks like they weren't a commercial success and are hard to get -
http://www.fashion-era.com/bras_after_1950.htm#Bioform


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:36 PM
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149: Satisfaction!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 4:46 PM
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152: I had one of those Bioform bras. It was really weird, and they spent a lot of time trying to engineer it using sophisticated equipment.

138: mmf! Le Mystere bras are kind of heavy duty. I'd like something half-way between my Wacoal 85814 and that armor.

If anyone ever hears of a good plunge bra for the fuller-figured, please let me know. I have a really nice formal outfit with a floor-length black skirt; it works, becasue it's hard to find evening dresses which fit me. Daytime shift dresses are fine. I couldn't find a good top that wouldn't pucker until I got this silk thing that zips on the side, but the good supportive bras show through. This thing isn't super revealing and could probably be worn suring the day, but I'd need a different bra.

I wish so very much that I could get liposuction.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:03 PM
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Is this plunge-y enough for your needs? I have two of them in 32D and find they work with pretty low necklines. The cups are made entirely of thin foam (+underwires) and don't show through lots of stuff, and I find them quite comfortable and supportive.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:08 PM
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That's plenty plungy. I didn't see that at the old-lady lingerie shop. I might be able to get away with wearing a 34DD instead of a 32DDD.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:13 PM
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You might indeed -- I'm often a 30 or 32DD, but the 32D in these fits me nicely.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:14 PM
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BG and I seriously need to go clothes shopping. Perhaps she is a long-lost cousin! And you can probably get away with a 34DD, but you won't look as perky as you do with a 32DDD.

No good advice with the plungy neckline. I tend to wear strapless bras or corset-style bras for plungy things.

And like, ohmigod! I bought that Wacoal bra today!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:33 PM
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132: I would bet serious money that Yglesias can't actually explain Wittgenstein's argument himself in a way I would find satisfactory (I'm not a W scholar, I'm just a little bitch).

As for bras, don't you all know that the reason B's got the best is that she emailed me a tit shot and I told her what to do? Y'all should follow her example; you won't regret it.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:43 PM
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The blouse in question is from Ann Taylor, and it's kind of a cross between this silk thing and this other silk thing


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:43 PM
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I had that chest-popping thing happen to me about a year or two ago when I was in a little competition with my brothers to see who could bench-press the most (one rep). I did 165 lbs, I think, and the popping happened right at the bottom of the motion. It hurt a lot, immediately, and continued to hurt for several weeks, and was sensitive for months. I was about 20 at the time. I think I remember hurting the same area a couple times doing random things when I was younger, but it never hurt so much.


Posted by: pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:49 PM
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Plunge!

I like the neckline on the first silk thing.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:50 PM
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154, BG: interesting, thank you, noted. I always steered away from Wacoal because I thought they were for more full-figured & D-cup women.

But in fact Herroom.com has not only soft bras (one of which looks kind of nice) but also deep plunge bras -- all nicely categorized. Have a look?

(just skim quickly past the frightening "foundation garments" on the opening Wacoal page)


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:50 PM
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162: Yes, I found those and Panache online. I do not know how they fit. One of teh reviews of one of the Panache bras said that it wasn't as supportive as it appeared.

I am intrigued by this Natori bra even if the memory foam sounds like it should be for my bed.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:54 PM
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I have a Freya bra (in 30DD, I think) and it looks gorgeous but the underwires do dig into my ribs if I have anything but perfect posture. That Wacoal iBra looks great, though the sizes are somewhat limited.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 6:57 PM
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Great comments, ladies.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:11 PM
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Hey, ogged, you just ran into that poor woman!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:12 PM
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I've never tried on Freya but Fantasie fits like a.. fantasy.

I could not wear an iBra on the grounds I would worry my nipples would become a wholly owned subsidiary of Apple.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:17 PM
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Oh, and Bostonian girl, you might be able to get away with a balcony-style bra with a lower top, if you don't mind the cups-runneth-over look. The bra wouldn't show.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:19 PM
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Do you all (women) really order bras online? I thought that sizing differed by brand, sort of like shoes: I can't imagine buying shoes, or clothes in general, without trying them on.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:20 PM
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They don't carry my size in stores and I tired of having ugly shopwomen simper condescendingly at me. Don't poor thing me.

And figleaves has free returns, so it's really no risk.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:22 PM
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Sizing does differ by brand, but hey, free returns. I buy all my shoes online too, from Zappos, which has the same deal.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:23 PM
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ogged, we're all petite women which means you'd probably not think of any of us as particularly busty.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:31 PM
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169:

Oh, and Bostonian girl, you might be able to get away with a balcony-style bra with a lower top, if you don't mind the cups-runneth-over look.

It's like you guys are speaking a different language.

Cripe, in the last month or so my work partner has been letting his glance fall to my, er, chest several times a day when we're talking. We're friends for over 10 years now, not a big deal, doesn't bother me at all, but I ask myself: uh, am I wearing unusually low-cut shirts, or is it just that I'm in (slightly) better shape?

Anyway, I find myself, believe it or not, slightly alarmed by the thought of seeking out bras that intentionally, uh, present myself.

This kind of confuses me: a puritan impulse on my part? I feel that I must be *doing* something to make my work partner be distracted in that way.

I realize, though, that BG is looking for a bra so she can wear a particular blouse.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:37 PM
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Unfogged, where the men have BMIs under 23 and the women are all at least C cups.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:37 PM
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What I really want is an attractive, tailored black raincoat.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:38 PM
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173: yeah I was so surprised when I met BG I was, like, staring at her breasts all night!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:39 PM
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What I really want is an attractive, tailored black raincoat.


I own two overcoats, but never get to freaking wear them because it is too darn warm here.

Emerson, need a lawyer up there?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:40 PM
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178: that's the best reason to move to Fargo I've ever heard: the opportunities for being fashionable.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:44 PM
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I've been watching the TV show Damages on FX (which is really good in a trashy way, btw) and the main character (the young girl, not Glenn Close) has this green raincoat she wears all the time that is OMG SO HOT.

I only buy bras online if I already have one of that style and am just replenishing. The bra shop that I didn't like on Sunday told me that I shouldn't be wearing molded cup bras, which I think is crap. I love those things. I told her that I almost felt I had to because of certain prominent features and she said that I should be wearing a sheer bra with little special nipple band-aid-ish covers every day. That's BS. Why would I want to do that when I can just wear a molded cup bra?


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:47 PM
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Speaking of boobies, I have to get mine biopsied. :(

(I call emoticon-exceptions rule #48 - preying on other people's sympathy.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:49 PM
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Good grief. Crazy bra shop lady!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:49 PM
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Oh boo! That is no fun.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:50 PM
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Thanks a lot Heebie. We go from Becks' nipple story to having to be concerned about you. Thanks.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:50 PM
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When do you go?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:51 PM
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Did she give any reason that molded cup bras are bad? I far prefer them.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:51 PM
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Aw, heebie. That sucks. Sending 'well, it turned out to be nothing' vibes your way.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:53 PM
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I don't know yet - I only talked to the radiologist, not my doctor. Eh, it's okay. I just wanted to drum up some sympathy.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:54 PM
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Find me an adorable raincoat, and we'll see about the sympathy, young lady.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:54 PM
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I would like to wear molded cup bras but I don't feel like they give enough support to my pendulous drupelets.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:54 PM
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But I did look it up online and the needles look unpleasant. POOR ME!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:55 PM
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Poor heebie.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:55 PM
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I do have an adorable black raincoat! It's kind of like a short trench coat with white piping, and it makes me feel like Prince.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:56 PM
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Pour heebie on these pancakes, cuz that girl's got SYRUP TO SPARE!

Hence the sap spout biopsy needle.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:57 PM
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The trick to drumming up sympathy, my dear SnackyCakes, is that you can't say you're trying to drum up sympathy or people will catch on and be unsympathetic just to spite you.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 7:59 PM
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Poor Heebie! Sending you good vibes.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:01 PM
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That's probably true. But if I tried to do it earnestly, I'd probably feel embarrassed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:02 PM
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Poor teofilo.

You realize that she has breasts, right? And a nice booty? And big sad eyes, with tears about to fall out?

It doesnt really matter what she says.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:03 PM
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I extended her sympathy in 192, did I not?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:04 PM
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are the indications for a breast biopsy like pap smears? ie lots of false indicators of problems?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:04 PM
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A kindly booty.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:04 PM
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Sympathy extensions are so cheesy. Why stop there, grow empathidreds!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:06 PM
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are the indications for a breast biopsy like pap smears? ie lots of false indicators of problems?

In this case, I think so. I've got MICROCALCIFICATIONS! I think they're most often nothing, but they're being extra cautious bc of family history.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:09 PM
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Hm, all-caps conditions are more serious.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:12 PM
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I'm no doctor but my dad is a girl doc so I know all about these issues. Therefore, my prescriptions is that until you get the results, Jammies should be examining you thoroughly several times a day.

For medical purposes, of course.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:13 PM
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they're being extra cautious bc of family history

Yeah, this is good. Microcalcifications means tiny pea-sized or smaller little thingies in the breasts? Normal, my friend, normal. But with a family history, sure, check 'em out.

Sorry about the needle(s).


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:14 PM
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Will's dad is a girl!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:16 PM
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Normal women have tiny pea-sized things in them? I thought it was just princesses under their mattresses.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:16 PM
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Lots of dads are girls these days, Heebie.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:17 PM
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I thought it was just princesses under their mattresses.

Princesses squished under their mattresses are hard-pressed to be pea-sized, John.

You need to get over your illusions.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:20 PM
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Oh and 186 - she didn't say she didn't like molded cup bras in general, just that they were wrong for me (said with an "I'm giving no explanation" hand wave). But I noticed that they didn't put anyone there for a fitting in a molded cup bra.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:25 PM
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It's an embarassing fetish, tiny little princesses.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:25 PM
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210.2: well, right. You want to use a heavier brand of mattress to really squish well.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:27 PM
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Microcalcifications

Mostly dealt with merely by cutting back on caffeine. Best of luck!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:45 PM
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Caffeine can make lumps in my boobs? But... that molecule is magic!!!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:46 PM
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That would be a very hard choice for me.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:49 PM
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Maybe they're magic boob-lumps.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:50 PM
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Mostly dealt with merely by cutting back on caffeine. Best of luck!

No, no, no. Those are the cysts, not microcalcifications, that have a pansy-ass-hypochondriac connection to caffeine. Cala, caffeine is your friend.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 8:57 PM
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Magic Boob Lumps! To the ramparts!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:11 PM
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Need a pick-me-up? Try Magic Lumpy Boob brand coffee, and relax as your Munchausen Syndrome wafts gently away on the breeze!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:21 PM
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"Waiter, waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!"
"Hmm. Well, it was just ground this morning!"

Ba-dum-ching-bang-crash-ow-get-off-me.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:27 PM
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Watch out for drummers, heebie. They always want to bang.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:30 PM
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Totally. And watch out for divers, they do it deeper.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:31 PM
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What do you call a guy who's always hanging around musicians?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:32 PM
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How can you tell if a drummer is knocking at your front door?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:33 PM
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226

224: Webelos?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:34 PM
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227

224: What?

225: How?

225: Huh?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:35 PM
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A drummer.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:42 PM
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227: The knock either speeds up or slows down.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:43 PM
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Both of you are very funny.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:45 PM
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231

Hear the one about the constipated mathematician?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:46 PM
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He worked it out with a pencil.

Too bad for the constipated accountant, though, he couldn't budget.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:48 PM
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We're on a roll.

Hear about the blind carpenter?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:49 PM
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234

What's brown and sticky?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:49 PM
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A stick.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:49 PM
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236

A stick?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:49 PM
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237

He picked up his hammer and saw?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:50 PM
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Ooh, my dad's a drummer, so I know way too many drummer jokes. One of the better ones:

Q: What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:50 PM
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He picked up his hammer and saw.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:50 PM
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240

What?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:50 PM
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Homeless.

I think that this is the degeneration of Unfogged that people have been whining about.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:51 PM
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241: Dad? Is that you??


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:51 PM
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Yeah! We're generation "de"!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:51 PM
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244

243: Generation Deutsch?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:52 PM
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245

So, what's yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:53 PM
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I'll never abuse a transhumanist again.

Transhumanist abuse is a growing threat, surpassing meth abuse in some areas.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:54 PM
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What do you call a drummer with half a brain?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:54 PM
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Zorn's lemon?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:54 PM
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249

A smart drummer?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:55 PM
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250

What does NASA stand for?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:55 PM
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What do you say to a drummer wearing a jacket and tie?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:56 PM
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252

Need another seven astronauts.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:56 PM
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253

What color were Christina McCulloughs eyes?
What did she say to her husband before she left?
What was the official soft drink of the Challenger?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:56 PM
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Heebie gets it right, proving that she is a true mathematician.

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo? How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune? Why did the violist stand outside his house for an hour? What's the difference between the first and last chairs of the viola section?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:57 PM
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May the defendant please rise.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:57 PM
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249: Gifted.

250: Need Another Seven Astronauts.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:57 PM
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What name did Achilles take when he hid among the women? What song did the sirens sing? Who cleft the devil's foot? When did the Fifty Danaids come with their sieves to Britain? What secret was woven into the Gordian Knot? Why did Jehovah create trees and grass before he created the sun, moon, and stars?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:58 PM
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How come violas are bigger than violins?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:59 PM
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One blue (blew) right, one blue left.
"You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish."
7-up.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 9:59 PM
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If someone answers 253 I'll surrender, shut up, and go to bed.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:00 PM
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Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:00 PM
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Night.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:01 PM
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Nighty-night Mr. Emerson! Sleep tight you lil rascal!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:01 PM
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264

Now, the answer to 258 is that it isn't; it's just that the violists have smaller heads. But we also know that violas are better than violins because they burn longer, which, if we assume they're made out of the same wood, would seem to imply that they actually are bigger. I await a clever solution to this problem. (Maybe there's less lacquer on violins?)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:01 PM
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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They made her rearrange the furniture, if I'm not mistaken.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:02 PM
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261.2: They moved the furniture.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:04 PM
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I think you are mistaken. Then she'd know where all the furniture was relocated.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:04 PM
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DS is not mistaken, though.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:05 PM
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Right. I heard it wrong.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:05 PM
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A plane carrying Christopher Hogwood, Daniel Barenboim, and Neville Mariner crashes in the Atlantic. Who is saved?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:06 PM
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265: Left the plunger in the toilet.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:06 PM
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270: The one who accepted Jesus Christ as his lord and savior?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:07 PM
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273

Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?

Her dog was blind, too.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:07 PM
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272: Mozart.

Ba-dump-CHING! Nighty-night, y'all.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:07 PM
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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Along with the furniture and toilet plunger hijinks, they also put doorknobs on the walls.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:08 PM
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Ah, 273 is good.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:08 PM
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264: You may await what you like, but I have stupid solutions right now. a)Futz with the definition of bigger in some way. Assuming violins are solid, they burn longer than a viola of equal volume. b)assume the violin to be traveling at a substantial velocity.I could go on, but they get even stupider very quickly.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:08 PM
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I don't get the Mozart-plane crash one. Probably because I don't know who the other passengers are.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:11 PM
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279

What did the fish say when it hit the concrete?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:12 PM
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Fish can't talk, apo.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:14 PM
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280 is not the right answer.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:16 PM
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Oh, quick hint to 278: the three guys in the plane are all famous classical musicians.

If 279 was about a concrete wall, the answer would be "mind if I scale you?"

Now it's g'night.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:18 PM
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Ah, 275 is good.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:18 PM
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Dam!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:19 PM
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the three guys in the plane are all famous classical musicians

Aren't they conductors?

What did the fish say when it hit the concrete?

Darn!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:19 PM
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Tomato, to-mah-to.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:21 PM
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I don't know about these furniture stories. Any of you ever seen Helen Keller's house?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:24 PM
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Any of you ever seen Helen Keller's house?

No, but neither did she. ZING! Good one!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:24 PM
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Aren't they conductors?

That's why the plane went down—they were flying through an electrical storm.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:26 PM
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290

How did Helen Keller burn her ear?

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:26 PM
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291

She answered the iron!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:27 PM
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292

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:28 PM
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Elephant grape sin theta.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:28 PM
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Elephant grape sin θ.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:29 PM
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Gnight.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:29 PM
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291 is correct to 290.1, and comes with the answers to 290.2 and 290.3, namely:

290.2: "Here come the elephants!"

290.3: A grape is purple.

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?

(Careful now.)


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:29 PM
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Jeez, heebie didn't even tell the followup.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:29 PM
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What's the follow up?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:30 PM
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?


(You can't do that; a mountain climber is a scalar.)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:31 PM
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300

You left out the part about the henway.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:32 PM
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296: "Here come the grapes!"

(Jane? Colorblind. I know, such a shanda. The poor thing. So pretty, too. But you've moved on for your The Calculus and left us doing Math for Business.)


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:32 PM
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Henway? What's a henway?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:33 PM
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About three ounces.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:33 PM
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Pounds! Pounds, damnit! About three pounds!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:33 PM
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Dick Hertz would have loved that one.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:34 PM
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I can't believe you set me up perfectly like that, and I fumbled it. Stupid Heebie!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:34 PM
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Oh.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:34 PM
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I'm hungry for a Hertz Donut.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:35 PM
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It could have been a very light hen. Either way...


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:35 PM
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What's a Hertz Donut?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:36 PM
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It's like a crueller.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:37 PM
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(flinches, sighs relief)


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:38 PM
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Although in many ways, the misdirection was even crueller.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:38 PM
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This thread is officially horrible now (still, however, better than swimming).


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 10:43 PM
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you are all banned.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 08-20-07 11:26 PM
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So's your face!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 7:57 AM
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So's your band!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 8:33 AM
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Rod Stewart pretty much sucked after he left the Banned Faces.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 8:36 AM
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318: Didn't Stewart once collapse on stage and then when they pumped his stomach they extracted, I don't know, 17 ounces of semen? Also spider eggs from the Bubble Yum he was chewing??


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 10:00 PM
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320

319: that plus an advanced Gerbil civilization that had developed helicopters and rocket sleds.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 10:03 PM
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320: And the body of Mikey, dead from consuming Pop Rocks with Coke.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-21-07 10:04 PM
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