The url clearly says "NSFW" but I can't really picture anything else about it. Snorkel?
I haven't clicked the link, but I'm guessing from the URL that it's NSFW.
I'd tell you if it weren't safe for work.
Work-safe picture here, with a work-safe URL.
From the same site, this book is crying out -- panting, even -- for a review on this very blog, don't you think?
4: Liar. That's not a great site to be seen visiting, I suspect.
Boy, if someone wearing that thing can't get laid....
I just ordered a copy of this book from the interwebs. Only $2!
The image, for prudes and the employed.
I read that book a few years back, and I can tell you this: there are things men well-versed in life and porn simply do not know -- and have never even conceived of -- about cunnilingus. (Even if the site's description of it as a "cunnilingus self-help guide" might make you think otherwise.)
11: Are the hands in the picture the ones that belong with the face? They look like male hands to me.
13: Cherrypicking from Ogged's flickr is an indiscretion error, 'stropher.
10: Whence, w-lfs-n? Bookfinder shows no copies for under $10.
Alibris. There were plenty of under-$10 copies.
Someone wearing that would obviously look totally hawt.
If you'd worn it to traffic court, you'd have gotten that fine reduced.
If you walk into a bar wearing that, the laydeez will know you mean business.
21: See, I can tell you're being sarcastic because I know you're irrationally opposed to costumes and accessories during sex.
22: Dude, I totally even tried to kiss up to the bureaucrat guy by asking about the collection of pirate shit on his desk. HEARTLESS, I tell you.
I'm going to rip off this idea, create an ass snorkel, and make million$.
Chick lit.
Are there other men who love Lifetime network? It's even better than El Blablazo. Or home decorating shows-- with-it chick tells group of eyes-averted men what to do. And then she tells them it's not right, do it differently. These lack narrative interest, though.
Ogged, was the holiday you had in mind Haloween?
Why should the apostropher have all the fun?
To connect the dots between this post and the previous one (Beat It), I'll note that while I'm no longer allowed to masturbate to James Kennedy, I'm awfully close to rubbing one out in celebration.
This probably makes me a bad person, or at least one who operates in extremely poor taste, but then I've never claimed to be anything else.
Look, it's only NSFW because of the URL. If you're concerned about NSFW URLs, you shouldn't click on them. Also, I am being unnecessarily annoying in this comment by beginning it by saying "Look, ".
29: I bet Rev. Kennedy is fellating Rev. Falwell *right now*.
HAWT.
I like how the obit has an offhand reference to Kennedy's having accepted Jesus when he was young. Not to his having become Christian, or something like that—to his having accepted Jesus. Barf.
Ben, your visceral rejection of Jesus is obviously a sign of demonic possession.
visceral rejection of Jesus
Messiah transplants are always touch-and-go without heavy doses of immunosuppressants.
31: Given your disagreements with these gentlemen, B, I think it's very generous of you to imagine that they've gone to heaven.
Nobody gets a fellatio in heaven. At least not the defiling kind.
36: Apo thought that other thread was cut off too soon and is looking for an opportunity to revive it here.
Fellatio, being defiling and patriarchal, only exists in hell.
"Fellatio" is the Abyssinian name for Satan.
Hence "your mother sucks cocks in hell." Not only is the devil into degredation, he tends to redundancy. Which is, of course, *the* most evil thing in the world.
Fellatios are best in the Samarian Gorge.
This product is a little weird. Has anyone ever died of asphyxiation during cunnilingus?
Scientists have invented a form of standing fellatio that is degrading to the receiver, but Big Oil won't let the information out.
40: B has studied all of the great works of Catholic theology.
I think the idea is that coming up for air, so to speak, interrupts the flow of the cunnilingus, and that if you didn't have to move around/take breaks in order to breathe properly, you could do a better job.
But m., is that true--do you really feel like a better job could be done if it weren't for all that breathing? "Take breaks" is a pretty overblown way to describe what is required in order for the performer to breathe, isn't it?
Has anyone ever died of asphyxiation during cunnilingus?
Never saw the T-Rex scene from Orgazmo, I take it.
is there an unknown (to me) subset of pungent women out there? i can't recall having ever had a problem like this.
46 is dumb. Not Leblanc, I hasten to add, but the idea that oral sex (of either variety) requires constant unremitting and unvaried performance.
48:
Never saw the T-Rex scene from Orgazmo, I take it.
I haven't the slightest clue what this refers to, but it made me laugh hysterically. Or snort. audibly.
It would seem that a skilled swimmer like Ogged would be able to work the breathing effortlessly into the rhythm of his oral performance.
"Turn to the side while reaching to the breast with the opposite arm..."
55: He turns his head too much. It chafes.
Poor Tim. You should really look into using more lube.
Why do I have to think of everything? Why can't the man take responsibility for once?
Maybe if you snapped your hips, Tim.
Nobody gets a fellatio in heaven
I'm sure that was a country and western hit a few years ago
59: Well, *he* isn't being chafed, is he? How is he supposed to know that you have a problem if you don't speak up? And shouldn't you empower yourself by dealing with your own problems instead of always expecting some man to do it for you?
So, my wife wants me to wear the Pussy Snorkel so that I'll be demeaned ... she thinks that's hot.
I'm going to rip off this idea, create an ass snorkel, and make million$.
For when she has to fart during cunnilingus?
My interest was piqued by a link at the bottom of this page ("The Oral Sex Helper"), but sadly, it was not what I seek. It occurs to me that some of you lot would know where to get what I seek.
Don't laugh at me, but basically, I'd really like some sort of. . .teeth-guard? Set of teeth-guards? to use while, um, fellating the object of my affection. Despite the hellaciously defiling nature of sucking it, I kinda like to, but damn if my jaw doesn't get tired quickly, and I'm totally terrified of losing control and accidentally scraping him with my teeth at that point. The tension makes it worse. I feel like some kind of silicony thing that fits over my teeth would make it so much easier and enjoyable. But my few searches have been rather futile (the best thing I could find was some sort of guard made out of gummy bear material, which sounds pretty gross) and I've even thought about how I could make such a thing. Any ideas?
65: You could get a mouth guard at a sporting goods store, somewhere back around the boxing gloves. You put it in hot water and then mold it to your teeth. In order to prevent the clerk from defiling you with filthy thoughts, you can buy some gloves and a speed bag while you're at it, to convince him or her that you are actually planning to wear this mouth guard while boxing. I imagine, though, that the gummy bear material would be more pleasant for all concerned, as the mouth guard is kind of hard really.
you can buy some gloves and a speed bag while you're at it
Or you could just punch him in the face.
You can wrap your lips around your teeth to prevent scraping. Or you can take a break and lick for a while or tease the head while using your hands.
69 (natch) suggests standard techniques. I would add that guys who are really touchy about teeth while receiving oral sex are just being drama queens about their sacred penis. For the most part, everyone should just relax.
66 is terrifying, and 69, while definitely standard technique, has some drawbacks that I won't go into because the solution is so obvious. Just vary your method so that you don't wear yourself out. Using your hands, for example, means for a rest that doesn't violate Leblanc's Third Law of Motion (stimulation is preserved).
71--
this from a guy whose last attempt at going down led to broken ribs.
Oh, I'm all over the 69. I mean, the 69 and also the wrapping of lips around teeth. It's just that that's exactly gets tiring. And it's true I can just take a break and go for the licking and the handling, but there are times when I'd really like to just keep going. I feel like if my lips were free to relax (instead of wrapping around my teeth), I could do so.
No-one's ever complained to me about the teeth, so I suppose I'm just paranoid and over-protective, but still. . .I'd feel so much better if it wasn't a concern. Plus I feel like it would be easier to get a real sucking motion going. That's sort of where what I get out of it comes in too. . .I love sucking on fingers and toes and ears, but I have to hold myself back a lot more on the main prize.
65: Uh. . .that sounds interesting. I'll have to check it out just for curiosity's sake. . . .though if it's very hard, it's not what I have in mind. I was kind of thinking that a similar kit, but made with the silicone they make dildos out of, would be some sort of awesome.
71: uh, what?
66 is terrifying
Unhelpful, certainly. Terrifying? I'll admit I really didn't think it through.
What, what? I really don't think you need a kit to do this the way you want to, is all.
What in tarnation is going on here? He hasn't complained, but you're going to pop in a mouthguard the next time you go down on him? You're going to say "My lips get tired?" Is that the attitude that made America great? I know the grand poobahs of sex technique will say that I'm doing it wrong, but we all know that sometimes you end up with one person totally grooving in a position that's totally uncomfortable for the other person. You gotta power through that shit, woman (oh yes, football season has started. Yeargh!)
I would add that guys who are really touchy about teeth while receiving oral sex are just being drama queens about their sacred penis
That shit can hurt, yo.
78: He's talking about the sacred penis, you're talking about the profane penis. Sometimes people confuse the two.
oh yes, football season has started
Not much of a contest to start it off, though. What an ass-kicking.
Anyway, I'll check in tomorrow.
78's NSFWness should be fairly obvious from the URL. You people do read URLs before following links, don't you?
Sorry, meant to post that in the Decider thread.
What an ass-kicking.
Yeah, sad. How about that suffocating Colts defense!
Jason David had a really good first half, but it was embarrassing watching him get smoked play after play by Peyton et al. in the second half. Guy just got burned.
Incidentally, the saddest thing about tonight's game might have been the skit with Reggie Bush before kickoff: Peyton Manning's done so many ads, he's a decent actor.
Manning's ad royalties alone are probably greater than some countries' GDPs. Everybody's probably seen this already, but it still kills me.
I don't like Manning, but that skit is great.
87: It hadn't come to Germany, but now I've seen it and the world is a better place. Why didn't Peyton spend time with Fritz G.?
What's the proper attire for this?
Father-daughter teams in opera are rare, but ones who base a libretto on the founder of the penis pump are truly one-of-a-kind. Enter, swinging to the left, John and Estela Eaton, who have come up with Pumped Fiction, a truly strange modern-day opera buffa about a not-so-cocky manufacturer of sex toys who's having love troubles with his porn-star muse. Members of the orchestra wear fake phalluses on their heads; a dream sequence with a three-foot-long dildo will have you doing double takes.
Jesus, people, what are you all, prudes? Teeth, farts, whatever. Some of us like to live dangerously.
OT:Mr. Manning is kind of the best QB in the NFL, and has been for a few seasons now. I say this as a Pats fan; he's put up numbers better than Brady's, and without the line and systems that B has provided. Also, Brady's mechanics have been off for at least a year.
re: mouthguards.
No-one has pointed out the obvious, which is that boxing mouth-guards only cover the top teeth. They are also fairly uncomfortable at first -- it takes a surprisingly long time to get used to wearing one and i) not gagging [ahem] and ii) breathing freely. MCMC is right also, they're not soft for fairly obvious 'preventing the teeth being knocked out' reasons.
This thing is more of a gag gift (so to speak...), it seems really impractical, for multiple reasons (like the nose attachment would scrape, for one thing).
But here's the real issue. When the woman's on her back and I'm going down, my neck eventually starts to get all stiff and hurt. The angle is just unnatural. From my perspective, the obvious solution is that she sits on my face, with my head comfortably placed on a pillow. But for some reason, a lot of women are uncomfortable with this position. I don't understand why -- is it embarassing? Any advice welcomed, if the question's too gauche pass it by.
Elevate her hips. These are awesome, and have all sorts of other uses in bed, but are kind of expensive; any fairly firm pillow should be a good place to try the idea out.
From my perspective, the obvious solution is that she sits on my face, with my head comfortably placed on a pillow.
From the lazy perspective: Yes, but I'm more comfortable on my back.
From the body image perspective: Yes, but won't I crush your head with my thunderous thighs?
From the practical perspective: Yes, but as long as it's your pillow the drippings are going onto - HOLLA, WET SPOT!
Of course, you could also combine activities involving other bits more easily if you didn't have to twist an arm backwards and around, so that is a definite PLUS.
Have her sit/recline with her hips at the edge of the couch/bed, while you sit/kneel on a pillow on the floor.
the drippings
This just makes me think of homemade turkey gravy.
Or you could get one of those sex-harness things that hangs from the ceiling and strap her in.
Or maybe you could learn to pleasure her with your cock like a real man.
my neck eventually starts to get all stiff and hurt
It's like you haven't even read my 77.
Re: 96
Well, it's what makes roasts at my house so ... special.
From the body image perspective, which I think is a lot of it: don't women realize that looking up at their whole gyrating upper body makes them look like a hot porn star? And that cellulite is much more noticeable when they're lying on their back and you're looking intently at a small patch of lower belly? Apparently not.
Thanks to all for the special Mineshaft combination of helpful suggestions and random insults.
73: Ignore all the other advice and learn to relax your jaw more. Most people clench their jaws a little bit all day, and it's bad for everything from posture to blowjobs. A relaxed jaw aids your breath, your overall body tension, etc. etc. But, more important to your problem, it allows you to keep your teeth safely out of the way without wrapping the lips around (truly painful--means you're more willing to bite your lips off than accidentally teethe him, plus that further narrows your mouth). It's not like you have to be able to unhinge like a snake, but a wider angle gives you more room to move in.
I used to really resent sucking cock before I figured out the jaw business.
