Re: Congestive Benignity

1

superabundant gestalt!
postnatal aestheticism!
edifying garotte!
pinkish unobtrusiveness!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:18 PM
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2

sidearm phytoplankton!
unflinching boatload!
wiggliest trichinosis!
apropos: waxing unacceptability!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:21 PM
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adventurous grip uneffeminately interwrapped!
war saying nonrepetitiously allomerizing!
honest bigot unpendulously undersleep!


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:23 PM
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4

The random paragraphs are awesome:

NCProsecutor prevails. The accepting pardon contracts the scene on top of the noticeable hardware. Around North Carolina swims NCProsecutor. Will an interfering debt jacket North Carolina? North Carolina aborts. North Carolina accompanies the soap.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:28 PM
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I've never heard the story of your abortion and eventual prosecution told quite so movingly, NCProsecutor.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:29 PM
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Bush shouts a spit over my phrase. Near a sample hesitates the flood. The ash accustoms the sarcasm. A motive devotes a table. The back trail explodes Bush.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 7:38 PM
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Will it write my dissertation?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:17 PM
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8

Totally awesome:

designer budget bog challenge

Reality TV execs, look no further.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:19 PM
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9

where are the Chicago Unfoggers? What is wrong with Aurora people?

http://ppaurora.blogspot.com/


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:20 PM
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10

http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/napervillesun/index.html

this poll deserves our bot votes.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:22 PM
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11

The random paragraphs sound surprisingly w-lfs-nesque.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:30 PM
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12

The random paragraphs sound surprisingly suspiciously w-lfs-nesque.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:32 PM
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Ishtar enjoys Emerson underneath the south curse. Emerson discriminates throughout the mystic. Should an adult bundle the dustbin? Within Emerson suffers a murder. Emerson leans against Ishtar after whatever shouted effort. The referenced microcomputer parks the tag.

This is addictive. No more.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:33 PM
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14

Back in the internet of 1998 are we?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:34 PM
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The dog fudges? The indistinguishable leisure packs w-lfs-n's penis behind this promised chunk. The former percentage cries on top of w-lfs-n's penis. w-lfs-n's penis rocks against Apostropher. A swamped mist breaks beneath the corrupting faithful. An incompetent speaker poles the shell variant.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:35 PM
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Becks' swimcap retracts underneath Ogged's TiVo. Ogged's TiVo insults a loud relative. After the iron raid hardens Becks' swimcap. Becks' swimcap pumps beneath Ogged's TiVo. Ogged's TiVo bounces. Becks' swimcap disorders Ogged's TiVo.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:37 PM
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17

I'm getting a day job as a wimple stacker.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:37 PM
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18

THE CHIMPEROR swims before OPINIONATED GRANDMA. When will OPINIONATED GRANDMA stretch? Each often prayer hurries OPINIONATED GRANDMA under its inverse. A doubtless ceremony betters the hate into whatever convicted static. The late thesis herds THE CHIMPEROR near the discrete counsel.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:37 PM
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19

hadaway rat string
eleuin estimate indicated hail
goddamnit finance heard compiler
hotcha idiot mount race

How does the eater dine? Gay Nixon does an accessible object beneath the vocabulary. Gay Nixon suffers in the travelled drum. Across Elvis pumps Gay Nixon. When will the inviting ancient stray?

max
['Needs random piratese']


Posted by: Undead Kennedys | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:39 PM
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20

Will Ogged eye the amateur garage? Ogged cases Becks. Ogged trips. Ogged cautions a rain in the memory.

Becks opens Ogged across the guard. Why can't a nastier problem disappear? A difficult pizza locates Ogged outside the dictatorship. Can Becks interact with a shed? Will Becks boil under the resulting freak? Becks demonstrates a pacifier.

Becks loves a gasoline. How will Becks interfere near a worm?

Ogged shines a documented sock against the universal. Why won't the tested straw remember Ogged? Becks bombs Ogged. A torture draws an identifier underneath an able beard. Becks breathes underneath Ogged.

Should the defeated rant into Ogged?

Ogged treks under Becks. How can Ogged wash after Becks? The accident ranks Ogged. Can the debate caution against the crawling ignorance? Becks evolves the skip beneath the shirt. Ogged rocks without a misuse.

Ogged advances! A grim sphere tries. Becks struggles inside Ogged. This bible bites the soap.

How will Ogged bow? Becks reverts against Ogged. Becks foams! Becks tags a feminist concert in the monarch.

Becks grinds against Ogged behind the swimming generator. Ogged stirs! Becks traces the twist after the homosexual.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:40 PM
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21

I enter "Labs' enormous cock" and "Ogged's skinny head" and dig the random paragraph's final sentence.

The balance constitutes Labs' enormous cock. The inverted invalid twists across the north whoop. An insignificant choice consents before Ogged's skinny head. The summer kidney hurts.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:40 PM
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22

Similar.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:41 PM
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23

It would be a good deed to tax that poll.

The top story on that page is about a soldier who died in Iraq. The 1st sentence is stunning. His service in the U.S. military forever changed Spc. Jon/athan Rivad/eneira's life.

Yes. Yes, it did.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:41 PM
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24

The output is all suspiciously porny.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:41 PM
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25

Oh, God. Using various parts of the female anatomy in the paragraph is too good. They're all priceless. Thank you, Becks.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:41 PM
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26

Anyway, philosophy outdwelt necroscopy by reencouraged private waxplants. Ready, October likely outgrew the only rapping lyric melezitose. Sfax slightly unfastens the member.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:42 PM
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27

yes, please go after that poll


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:44 PM
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28

Looky! Unseen menopausal banquet!


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:44 PM
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29

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:46 PM
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30

Fab! Purblind beloved dipped! (24 is right.)


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:46 PM
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31

I went to the poll. It's the sort of thing where the question is organized in such a way that it sways the moderates. "Should there be?" should instead be phrased as, "Should a law be passed to make it illegal to?"


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:46 PM
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32

Hollo! Funky stream huddle!

Ladies.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:48 PM
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33

I mean, ask people, "Should people cheat on their wives?" and the output is quite different from, "Should a law be passed so that marital infidelity is tested for and punishable by fine or imprisonment?" and you get two different answers.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:48 PM
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34

I expect newspapers and the media in general to be focused on generating controversy, not focused on accuracy.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:48 PM
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35

(That's not an analogy, by the way. It's rhetorical analysis.)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:49 PM
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36

The bottle qualifies matt before the panic.

Indeed.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:49 PM
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37

While you're emptying your cache to vote on that poll, won't you please read this important column? Writing of this particular quality hasn't been seen, by me, I don't think ever, outside the Onion.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 9:57 PM
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38

37: Holy shit.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:01 PM
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39

I keep trying to pick a favorite sentence in it, but I can't! I want them all inside me!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:02 PM
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40
And he exits his bus each afternoon with the same hunger, augustly displaying his latest finger-paint drawing on the fridge for Jen and me to revere with eyes wide and mouths agape.

Well, wow.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:07 PM
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41
Seeing Henry hit this emotionally gratifying milestone refreshes me in ways that I haven't experienced in quite some time.

That's really, really dirty, right?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:07 PM
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42

The whole thing is dirty, as far as I can tell. I especially liked the line where he talks about little Henry's belly full of mommy's booby-milk, and then says it makes him realize he's envious of Henry's social success. Awesome!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:10 PM
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43

The valve fiddles past the muck! How does the inconsistent homosexual forest Hamilton-Lovecraft? Hamilton-Lovecraft laughs next to your mom. Your mom spikes Hamilton-Lovecraft in the verified slang.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:16 PM
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44

It reminds me of this one time in my undergraduate fiction writing seminar when this one neutered-seeming "normal" girl presented her story about a "normal" family having a discussion as they ate dinner and prepared dessert together about whether the youngest daughter should have to announce what happened to her at school that day in front of the whole family, or just a selection of her older siblings. It ended with them all eating pie and talking about how much they loved each other.

We all stared at her, and spent our two-hour class imagining all the different ways they were all clearly sexually abusing one another, or maybe it's a story about aliens who watched a lot of TV and were trying to imitate human behavior, or maybe...

At this point, the professor turned to the author and said, "You see, if there's no conflict, and no content, and nothing but saccharine bullshit, the human mind will construct unmentionable perversities to fill that void."


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:16 PM
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45

The love of God, baseball and family;

Baseball comes second, so all this stuff must be occurring between innings.

he attacks the bus as it approaches our curb with an ambition that would have done the recently deceased former Yankee shortstop Phil Rizzuto proud.

That would be kinda cool if the kid was gnawing on a tire like he was some kind of rabid otter.

And a chubby-cheeked giggle beckons - I think I hear Henry rousing from a cat-nap.

That's just radioactive.

max
['NO! Charlie! Bus FRIEND!']


Posted by: Kill Mad Doll, Kill | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:18 PM
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46

Ok, ok,

The underaged goat bubbles beside Emerson. When will the adventure advance under its sea advantage? Emerson suspects the correct bliss. The continued expertise spoils the underaged goat opposite a partitioned bean. The butter eases Emerson.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:19 PM
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47

The butter eases Emerson.

Last Tango At The Mineshaft.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:21 PM
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48

Standpipeself delights Standpipeself. How can a partner rattle? A metaphor cases each fifteen major. A descriptive ideal decays. Without Standpipeself moans the prince.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:22 PM
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49

Thickness inseminates Ogged's horsewhipped custom. Ogged's veined pongid upraises despair. Shannies expose Unfogged's filigreed crisis.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:26 PM
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50

Hmph. The Lur is miffed for some reason.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:26 PM
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51

Standpipeself delights Standpipeself. How can a partner rattle? A metaphor cases each fifteen major. A descriptive ideal decays. Without Standpipeself moans the prince.

This could be Joyce.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:27 PM
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52
er captain teams a difficult view within the kernel. Sifu Tweety peers around a person. Cash money charms Sifu Tweety before a farewell. Under the foreseeable physics bicycles cash money. Its configured dentist kicks Sifu Tweety into another four track. Sifu Tweety changes an envy.

But how did it know?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:31 PM
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53

This could be Joyce.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:31 PM
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54

The trolley explodes a fat man underneath the owing faithful. Should the trolley result before every taste? The drunken product revolts next to the domestic lump. A plural life soils the trolley. Does the trolley farm? Why does my silent fear below the modified grandfather?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:32 PM
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55

Any woman lifts Sifu Tweety. The contract hurts the constitutional. Sifu Tweety parrots your blow past a mortal hello. The lump nests over John Emerson.

Little bit of a harsh way to put it, honestly.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:32 PM
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56
Apostropher remainders genital bisection before any amplifier. A distributed hospital flashes a word. Before a domestic clogs the manufactured factory. A stuff starves. A beating stereo packages Apostropher.

Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:34 PM
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57

Why does Dick Cheney emerge near the old man's face? Dick Cheney despairs! Dick Cheney rules! The old man's face messes with Dick Cheney into a frown. Dick Cheney decides!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:34 PM
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58

This can get quite beautiful:

The often empire acknowledges Apostropher. A flaw broadcasts genital bisection throughout a whole. Apostropher breathes within genital bisection. Apostropher duffs genital bisection beneath the undesirable. Genital bisection profiles Apostropher on top of her wonder. When will the condemned world jam next to Apostropher?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:35 PM
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59

Joyce flushes the lobster over the ordinary bath. The lobster founds Joyce within the alien creed. Joyce tempts the lobster. Joyce dines under the lobster. How will Joyce ascend?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:36 PM
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60

I sort of got lucky tonight, but I ended up leaving a library book in a crowded bar where it is now probably lost.

That feels like a very Unfogged series of events to me.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:37 PM
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61
A labeled rack boosts Nerve.com personal. Ogged storms behind Nerve.com personal. When can the administrative horse service Ogged? A departmental wound balls Ogged.

Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:37 PM
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62

60: a library book loses! The human jokes without the stomach. Whatever circumstance obsesses random sex. The unconnected rabbit vanishes outside a wired cage.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:39 PM
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63

Sort of, marcus?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:39 PM
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64

He only came twice.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:45 PM
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65
Bacon bashs against bacon-wrapped bacon. Bacon calculates! Bacon replies to bacon-wrapped bacon in the official. Bacon-wrapped bacon glows! Bacon toes the line after bacon-wrapped bacon. The museum propositions bacon under the rushing pornography.

Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:46 PM
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66

im in ur unfogged, derailing ur thredz


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:50 PM
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67

Are you commenting from her apartment, marcus? Or is she two feet behind you, begging you to come back to bed? Good God, man---details!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:51 PM
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63: By the standard definition I did, but I'm questioning the "getting lucky" paradigm. It's never quite that simple, always a little fraught. This night maybe more than some others.

Also, this sucks:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/20/washington/20cong.html?hp

I hate random phrase generators and clearly will do anything to derail this thread. I might even make up an upcoming lawsuit to distract all the lawyers.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:53 PM
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69

Marcus' sort-of sex partner consents! Marcus twins marcus' sort-of sex partner against the becoming umbrella. Its defense secures marcus. A hopeful biography kidnaps marcus' sort-of sex partner. When can marcus' sort-of sex partner absorb marcus?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:57 PM
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70

So there was coitus, but it was terrible and you felt bad? Or you grazed her butt with your hand, but felt inexpressibly lucky?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:57 PM
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71

Underage nymphette socks the ineluctable modality of the visible throughout a camp. Underage nymphette soles the ineluctable modality of the visible above the joke. Her drama poses beneath the akin menu. Underage nymphette boggles beside the man. The ineluctable modality of the visible showers underage nymphette before the substantial solicitor. The ineluctable modality of the visible covers a greasy institute behind the adopted bugger.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:57 PM
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72

Marcus' sort-of sex partner idles marcus with the cracked peanut. Marcus headlines marcus' sort-of sex partner. Why does marcus' sort-of sex partner doubt the warming explosive? When can the preview stall beneath the giving prostitute? Marcus' sort-of sex partner slopes a hum opposite the cream.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:58 PM
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73

67: Oh, OK. It's not like you don't give us all plenty of details. She sent me home, because she wakes up at an unconscionably early hour and had to get to bed. Also, I think we maybe went a little fast and she might have been uncomfortable, I could feel the OMG I barely know this person effect setting in a bit afterwards.

I did give her a good back massage though, all women love this and it is never fraught or uncomfortable when done well.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:58 PM
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When will my arrogance underestimate the wild actor? Matt Yglesias pumps Marty Peretz above the exercise. Matt Yglesias enlightens the projecting rave over a fashioned numeral. Marty Peretz moans about the bastard cable opposite the dress protein. The dust relieves Matt Yglesias. A nature allocates Marty Peretz.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:59 PM
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75

What he's saying, AWB, is that he earned it.

69, by which I mean comment number 69, is great. I was trying it with "marcus" and "someone not lucky, but skilled," but I didn't get lucky.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 10:59 PM
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76

37 is genius. We can all stop trying now.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:00 PM
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77

Thanks, ogged. Now idle me with the cracked peanut.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:00 PM
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78

In case it's not obvious, the bot is decidedly alpha.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:00 PM
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79

That sounds nice, Marcus. Do you plan on seeing her again?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:01 PM
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80

60, actually, it would be way more unfogged to leave a potential getting-lucky partner at the bar and come home with a library book.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:01 PM
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81

80: Makes for better threads that way.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:02 PM
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73: Oh, that's what you meant by "getting lucky." I figured you were letting us know that you had pruchased an issue of The Magazine About Shopping!.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:03 PM
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83

Now idle me with the cracked peanut.

Have it your way, but I was going to peel the flame under your bowl.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:04 PM
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84

Marcus' terrible performance in bed quizes the outlook beneath a detached metal. The fear idles Marcus past a phenomenon. Why won't the charge cube Marcus? Marcus' terrible performance in bed zooms into a rectangle.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:04 PM
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85

Ben w-lfs-n kisses an addict. The regime conceals a statistic. Inside that self-same little bitch dances a debate. Ben w-lfs-n twists after a crew.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:07 PM
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Ben w-lfs-n describes the Oxford English Dictionary. Ben w-lfs-n shortens the Oxford English Dictionary. Ben w-lfs-n compensates an editorial into the premium gate. Ben w-lfs-n resembles the Oxford English Dictionary. My justified lump devotes ben w-lfs-n. The Oxford English Dictionary litters ben w-lfs-n.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:09 PM
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87

79: I think so. This wasn't one of those nights that creates real certainty, but I do like her and want to explore compatibility further.

80: that's true, but the involvement of a library book counts for something. Besides, if we all posted all of those nights when we left potentials at the bar and went home with a library book we'd never be talking about anything else.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:10 PM
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The noumenon sickens in the phenomenon. Around the noumenon foams the phenomenon. Any feat wows the phenomenon. The phenomenon rests against the noumenon.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:13 PM
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Besides, if we all posted all of those nights when we left potentials at the bar and went home with a library book we'd never be talking about anything else.

What do you mean, "if"?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:14 PM
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90

Marcus' terrible performance in bed

That's what I get for being open and vulnerable with you guys. It was only subpar in comparison to my usual awesomeness. First nights are often a little off anyway.

I hope I can get my library book back. It was a hard-to-find history of the Canadian health care system.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:15 PM
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91

90: The question, though, is was it a date or a pick-up? Because if it was the latter, yeah, you're not going to see her again. But I've had second dates under similar conditions.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:17 PM
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92

Don't blame me, blame the random paragraph generator. I'm sure you were a stallion.

Also please note: here am I, at home alone, prepped to mock you.

Who is the winner here?

"A rave snacks. Will the winner mutter without bored-ass single Sifu Tweety? Bored-ass single Sifu Tweety revenges the winner near the tiger. The winner nests around a plague."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:17 PM
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93

91: From the way he's talking about it, I have a hard time imagining it having been a date.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:20 PM
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94

Irma Vep bombs a risk. Why does the pedestrian driver delete Zombie Joseph Beuys? Irma Vep paces! Irma Vep rocks every correspondence after the teacher. Will Zombie Joseph Beuys boggle next to Irma Vep?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:23 PM
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95

Sifu, judging by the photos you posted of Burning Man you are surrounded by cool, beautiful women. Also, I thought your paragraph was pretty funny. However, "terrible perfomance" rumors must be nipped in the bud lest I be banned from the DCon orgy.

91: AWB, it was a blind date...I can pull off a pickup maybe once a decade, if that. I think we could certainly have a second date.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:26 PM
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Sifu, judging by the photos you posted of Burning Man you are surrounded by cool, beautiful women

True. The missing word: "single."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:28 PM
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Can a terminal farewell nail open and vulnerable marcus? Library book prefers the frightened toad. The chunk pretends on top of the pacifier! An upsetting axis packages open and vulnerable marcus.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:33 PM
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98

Watch out for the second-date intimacy drag. I've had really bad luck with sleeping with people very soon who then freak out about having done so and then start treating you as if you're suddenly a serious partner, out of guilt. Either you can both be cool about it and talk to each other with the respect you'd give any other relative stranger, or one of you might accidentally hyperescalate the familiarity beyond what's natural.

It's not like I expect to be treated like a stranger on the second date, but I also don't like being unnaturally sucked into a position where I have to act like sex hath created this unbreakable bond, or some shit. But it's hard to know how people will react.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:33 PM
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99

The missing word: "single."

Cool, beautiful, involved women usually have cool, beautiful, single friends. Put out the word.

Sorry to blab about all this. Weird night, I felt the need to share with invisible friends.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:35 PM
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100

Another galaxy presents the contemporary teenage. Kobe promotes the doubt. When can the indicator cry on top of kobe? Kobe dumps the one hundred behind a frightening kiss.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:35 PM
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101

Greg Anderson loses every affair against the doom. An axiom exceeds a half bankrupt. Her digital fashion pilots Greg Anderson. Stephen O'Malley drags Greg Anderson around the vat. The turned absolute aborts under the numeral politician. Stephen O'Malley hurts a blind analogue.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:35 PM
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102

But it's hard to know how people will react.

I'll just go ahead and assume "weirdly" or perhaps "somewhat awkwardly."

Just, uh...

What am I doing? Possibly just being a jerk.

Save me, random generator-thing!

The relative forwards the stereotype. Her oppressed civilian flavors a big jerk beside the enthusiasm. Should Sifu Tweety return over a big jerk? How will a recipient die inside a different thread? When will a big jerk change outside Sifu Tweety? Sifu Tweety bounces on the empire.

Ah!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:36 PM
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Sub-Bass reigns outside Gloom Axe. Gloom Axe authorizes the active air beneath a salt attendant. The cute contempt doles Gloom Axe. Can Gloom Axe overflow throughout the professional? Why won't the susceptible nick fool the analysis? Gloom Axe cores Sub-Bass around a soldier.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:36 PM
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99: Cool, beautiful, involved women usually have cool, beautiful, single friends. Put out the word.

Yeah if only it were that simple. Note my hobbies.

So, who else wants to overshare?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:37 PM
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The first sentence of 101 is remarkably serendipitous...

Play your gloom axe, Stephen O'Malley
Sub-bass clinging to the sides of the valley
Sub-bass ringing in each last ditch and coomb
Greg Anderson purvey a sonic doom.

Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:38 PM
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I once kissed a bouncer.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:39 PM
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Was it like kissing heven?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:40 PM
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Or heaven?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:40 PM
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Isn't it "cwb," ben?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:41 PM
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No, it was like asking heaven for a headbutt.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:41 PM
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Sorry, "cwm"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:41 PM
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This seems to work.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:42 PM
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98: AWB, that is like really good advice. Read-my-mind sort of good advice. I have a history of that sort of behavior, feeling like I owe somebody if they sleep with me and then sticking around for that reason.

I'm looking to settle down soon, hopefully get married. Given that I should be trying to quickly determine whether there is real deep potential and moving on if there isn't.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:42 PM
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98: AWB, that is like really good advice. Read-my-mind sort of good advice. I have a history of that sort of behavior, feeling like I owe somebody if they sleep with me and then sticking around for that reason.

I'm looking to settle down soon, hopefully get married. Given that I should be trying to quickly determine whether there is real deep potential and moving on if there isn't.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:42 PM
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Tweety has been watching too much Welsh porn.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:43 PM
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Such good advice, I had to say it twice.

OK, I think I win the oversharing award for this thread.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:44 PM
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Yeah, I think men tend to react in the way I described because they feel bad for having "taken" something from the girl. Remember: ladies enjoy sex, too! Sticking around and being affectionate is just confusing if you don't actually feel it, and it can take a long time to extricate oneself from a relationship like that. Save your affection for someone you can't stand not seeing again.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:46 PM
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OK, I think I win the oversharing award for this thread.

What are you taunting me? I'm maudlin-Becks-style enough already, dangit.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:46 PM
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It's really worth checking out the lyrics to My Wall.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:47 PM
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I just made a great mix, y'all.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:47 PM
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Holy grumpy.

Hi everybody!

Hi, Becks!

Hi, w-lfs-n's mix!

I shall share no further. N.E. Patriots: thoughts?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:48 PM
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Nevermind what Tweety said, he's drunker than I am: it wasn't an overshare. I'm not bothered, and I got a good random paragraph out of, IMHO.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:49 PM
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Damn Sunn O))) does rule, though.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:49 PM
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1. Sun City Girls - Rookoobay
2. Greg Davis & Sebastian Roux - Daybreak
3. Magic City - We're Living in the Space Age
4. Yabalancilar - Agit
5. Chris Cutler - [tracks 44, 45, and 46 from "Twice around the Earth"]
6. Eyesores - Blue on White
7. Jewlia Eisenberg - Meister der Kultur
8. Dirty Projectors - Darkened Car
9. Blue Cranes - Polaris
10. Hala Strana - Quarter Mesto
11. Feathers - Tiny Lights
12. Mountain Goats - Blues in Dallas
13. Jozef van Wissem & Gary Lucas - Sick
14. Alasdair Roberts - I Walked Abroad in an Evil Hour
15. Make a Rising - When Moving West
16. Bad Plus - Heart of Glass


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:50 PM
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I made an awesome mix that I never shared with you. It consists of all the songs or bands that I've referenced in comments here, assuming most of you were (or could quickly become) familiar with them. So it was the songs, with links to the comments.

But I never figured out how to put it up, and it's not like they aren't things you have probably heard anyway.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:50 PM
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AWB: make a zipfile and put it on rapidshare or dropfile.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:50 PM
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it was a blind date

Shows what I know.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:51 PM
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Or sendspace!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:51 PM
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What are you taunting me?

Taunting? Never! I love you, man!

I seriously think you should get laid all the time just for The Poor Man. Seriously, that site is about the funniest on the web. Where are the blog groupies, damnit?


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:52 PM
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William Gibson is my groupie, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to have sex with him. Hot, smart, cool girls and acerbic blogs about hating (mostly) everything and (specifically) Republicans: oddly non-congruent.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:53 PM
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Yeah, I'm going to bed. It's late. I will consider doing it tomorrow. Goodnight!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:53 PM
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Yeesh. Sifu Tweety should shut up. I'm single because of my own nonsense. Pls ignore.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:54 PM
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Why am I single, Sifu?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:56 PM
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Three options: your own nonsense, or you never go out anywhere and meet any women, or some combination of one and two. I lean towards option three, having (transgressively!) heard rumors.

Could be the jewfro, tho.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-19-07 11:59 PM
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men tend to react in the way I described because they feel bad for having "taken" something from the girl.

No, for me at least it isn't feeling bad or that one "took" something. Instead, it's feeling that sex was like making an implicit promise to stick around. Like a woman wouldn't have slept with you if you had said that you wouldn't see them again. Even though I know from experience that being certain they won't see you again can make people *more* likely to sleep with you.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:01 AM
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Not the jewfro!!!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:04 AM
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Yeah, no, it totally isn't. Chicks dig jewfros.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:05 AM
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Okay (and I really am going to bed), but isn't there something in between? I don't need to know by the second date whether someone's going to be my boyfriend or if he's going to disappear. And it's not like you have to treat them like an honest-to-god stranger, but I prefer it if, after having sex, a guy can still be nice and flirty and fun, as opposed to "So now we have to decide what this is about!!!" or whatever.

BUT: I am weird. We all know this. Sex does not change how I feel about people in some romantic way. How we treat each other in all situations changes how I feel about them.

OTOH: I don't think you can go wrong with seeing (e.g.) this girl again, and having a second date as if it's the first, but with less nerves. Be fun. You don't have to hold her hand or stare in her eyes.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:06 AM
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N.E. Patriots: thoughts?

Unstoppable juggernaut.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:06 AM
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138: wait, eye contact and relaxed physical contact aren't required? Boy, I could rock this dating business!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:07 AM
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Um, eye contact most definitely required, dude.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:08 AM
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Do you have to contact her eyes with yours, or will tools suffice?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:09 AM
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Well, darn.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:09 AM
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Flaming dung sticks, for instance.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:09 AM
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You don't have to hold her hand or stare in her eyes.

I won't even squeeze her butt. (Almost put an emoticon after that, then realized this would probably be cause for a lifetime ban).

I'm pretty fun-oriented anyway.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:11 AM
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So yeah, actually, to be relatively honest for a minute, eye contact is something I have to explicitly remember to do, which always removes me from the situation a bit, which makes me feel like I'm not being genuine, which, etc. etc. I'm not going to make a pop-psychological self-diagnosis here, but really, it's not something I do on my own.

Dunno?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:11 AM
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142 wins. I'm going to sleep.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:11 AM
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Great. w-lfs-n, your advice?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:12 AM
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My advice?!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:13 AM
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Oh, sorry, Tweety. Yes, eye contact is important. I know it's not the normalest thing for some people, but it's worth practicing, for real. It's hard to trust someone who doesn't look you in the eye for more than a second at a time, unless you meet a woman who has no eye contact, in which case she might not notice. But a lot is communicated that way, or at least some of us have been taught to depend on it rather than verbal cues to know when to do things like kiss or whatever.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:15 AM
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eye contact is something I have to explicitly remember to do

!


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:16 AM
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I'm pretty fun-oriented anyway.

Which is why I spend hours commenting on blogs. I so wish Unfogged had an edit function so I could get rid of evidence that I'm a twit.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:16 AM
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Speaking loudly enough to be heard is also something that feels unnatural to people who've never done it. Lots of behavioral things are fakey and theatrical, but they put people at ease.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:16 AM
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Lots of behavioral things are fakey and theatrical

This sounds like a disembodied intelligence describing humans to another disembodied intelligence.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:23 AM
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Wait, eye contact is one thing, this I get. I but communicating is quite another. What is to be communicated, aide from "I like looking at you?" This one girl was making eye contact with me for the longest time; I asked her if she was trying to hypnotize me, and she didn't laugh. Damning evidence, if you ask me.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:26 AM
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Hello humans, can you feel me thinking?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:27 AM
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151: What, you make eye contact automatically?

I've been putting effort into increasing my eye contact lately. The problem is that I know fear I may sometimes be erring in the opposite direction--making too much eye contact given the conversational stage and interlocutor. I keep meaning to do a literature search to see if I can find out how long average gaze meetings last, so that I can then train myself make eye contact for that duration.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:28 AM
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151: What, you make eye contact automatically?

I've been putting effort into increasing my eye contact lately. The problem is that I know fear I may sometimes be erring in the opposite direction--making too much eye contact given the conversational stage and interlocutor. I keep meaning to do a literature search to see if I can find out how long average gaze meetings last, so that I can then train myself make eye contact for that duration.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:28 AM
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aside from "I like looking at you?"

See, that right there is an extremely important piece of information that bears much repetition.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:29 AM
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Sorry. And is it better to apologize for an accidental double post or to remain silent and thus avoid the further disruption that doing so entails?


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:30 AM
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Best to hang your head in shame and silence.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:30 AM
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Best to hank your pank in shame and silence.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:31 AM
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re: 159

Right, and also, how will women know you think they have nice breasts if you don't stare at them during conversation?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:32 AM
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it never ceases to amaze me that the human race has survived so long.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:49 AM
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Sifu, were you there for the first burn? Und wo sind your burning man pictures?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 2:19 AM
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This one girl was making eye contact with me for the longest time; I asked her if she was trying to hypnotize me

OK, getting complicated, but I think you're not supposed to acknowledge that a woman is checking you out.


Posted by: terpbball | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 6:13 AM
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not supposed to acknowledge that a woman is checking you out.

Your groceries come to $37.75, sir. Sir? SIR?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 6:40 AM
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Whee! I like it when I get maudlin late at night. Now it's going to confuse people if they meet me and I'm not a twitchy sociopath!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 6:46 AM
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I dunno, I just feel like it's more noble to stare out into the middle distance, hand shading my eyes from the sun.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 7:01 AM
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I'm not a twitchy sociopath

Isn't your average, run of the mill sociopath pretty smooth?


Posted by: terpbball | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 7:01 AM
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Darn, my cover's blown.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 7:07 AM
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unless you meet a woman who has no eye contact,

I cried for the woman who had no eye contact, until I met a woman who had no eyes. Then I met a woman who had no contacts. Her vision was excellent.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 7:55 AM
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At this point, the professor turned to the author and said, "You see, if there's no conflict, and no content, and nothing but saccharine bullshit, the human mind will construct unmentionable perversities to fill that void."

I know this was a fiction-writing seminar, not some required course, and that frank group critiques are necessary. Nonetheless, this feels very improper to me.
Damn glad I wasn't there.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:24 AM
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The story in 44 sounds excellent, based on the response it generated.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:33 AM
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175

Will the attorney mature beneath the Mineshaft? In the Mineshaft laughs the framework.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:38 AM
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How will Ogged sicken? A liberal socket advances next to the optimum amateur. Why can't Fontana Labs relax in Ogged? Should an executable network reflect on top of a girlfriend?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:54 AM
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The attack newcomer drinks Ogged after the genetic logo. Ogged propositions the beaten transformation around the wind. The yeti poses as Ogged next to the breeding dish. Fontana Labs safeguards Ogged next to the bible.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:55 AM
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When can Ogged dictate on top of the hog?


This is perhaps the most fun I have ever had.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:56 AM
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Ogged leaps upon a postage beside his powder. When will the tennis regain a realistic flour? Ogged balls Fontana Labs behind the leader. Ogged mouses Fontana Labs behind the temperature. Fontana Labs resembles a musical. The norm stumbles below the kingdom!


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:57 AM
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Unf sells Ogged. A beautiful brain coasts above the warp. Unf collects Ogged on top of the chief. The supporting class floods a vegetable saga. When can Unf blanket a tired idiot?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:01 AM
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At this point, the professor turned to the author and said, "You see, if there's no conflict, and no content, and nothing but saccharine bullshit, the human mind will construct unmentionable perversities to fill that void."

I know this was a fiction-writing seminar, not some required course, and that frank group critiques are necessary. Nonetheless, this feels very improper to me.
Damn glad I wasn't there.

Maxine Kumin visited my college many years ago and graced our fiction workshop with her presence. One of my pieces came up and Maxine decided to open up with the observation that "Happy fiction is not mature fiction." Admittedly, the piece was sort of saccharine bullshit. But, yeah, so much for the milk of human kindness.

(I will also remain forever grateful to the classmate who glared across the table at Maxine and said, "Well, I liked it." She was lying, I expect, but I remain forever grateful.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:01 AM
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182

There is a special place in heaven for those who rescue others from humiliation in front of a group.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:07 AM
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Aw, it's okay Sir Kraab. Those were honestly the glasses I liked best on you.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:10 AM
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Why won't Anne Althouse triumph next to the Gayatollah? Anne Althouse pushes the Gayatollah. Anne Althouse buttons her plastic blame around the musician. Anne Althouse delights the Gayatollah without the bicycle.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:16 AM
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The article linked in 37 is really brilliant. There's no way that isn't a deliberate spoof. A spoof of what, I'm not sure, since I've never read anything like it, but it's clever and hilarious.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:26 AM
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It's like we've got an entire thread dedicated to comment spam and Marcus's bad sexual performance.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:30 AM
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186: Get used to it, I think we're all tired of the threads dedicated to comment spam and Ogged's bad flirting performance.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:31 AM
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Anything's better than the political threads, though.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:35 AM
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188: Anything mends with the political threads. The downhill episode pauses beneath anything. Why does anything snack into the political threads? A brother stills the political threads.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 10:23 AM
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"Happy fiction is not mature fiction."

I'm the grumpiest guy in the world, but the bias toward misery and disillusion in fiction and literature strikes me as manneristic or stereotyped, like Western novels or romance novels.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 10:37 AM
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181: Writers are full of reasons why all writing ought to be just like theirs. Richard Yates once told a group of writers with apparent seriousness that it was impossible to write interesting fiction about poor people.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 11:00 AM
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181: It should be admitted that our workshop prof was a visiting fiction writer of some renown who was mean as fuck to everyone.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 11:35 AM
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One of the many great things about "Confederacy of Dunces" was how it sidestepped the happy/sad distinction. It was a sort of Dostoyevskian comedy.

This has been another edition of random irrelevant musings about my favorite books.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 11:57 AM
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I don't think that having had sex with someone means that you need to stick around and pursue a fake relationship, but I do think that a girl deserves a phone call of some sort. It's bound to be awkward, but it's teh decent thing to do.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:30 PM
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194 is true. Finding out for sure that someone doesn't want to see you again is a million times better than sending email and not knowing why he's not replying, etc.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:41 PM
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190-93: Absolutely, and the actual prof for that workshop was a kick ass guy (probably still is for all I know). My work that semester was mediocre (at best) and in a final one-on-one conference he told me, in a very kind tone, that he thought alot of the great writers were really pretty fucked up people and that drove their writing. "You are just a remarkably well-adjusted young woman."

I had a hard time knowing how to take the A I got from him the next semester.

(Truthfully, I think his gently unspoken point was that the writing only gets interesting when you are willing to really dig at the underlying emotions deeply -- and that can include happy emotions just as well as it can darkness and misery.)

Still, when some guy in a poetry workshop a year later wrote a pretty nasty mockery of some Kumin poem about a urinating horse, I was just very, very pleased. Horse piss poetry is not mature poetry. Spite is probably also an emotion that could lead to interesting writing if meaningfully explored.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 12:43 PM
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197

Scott schools dissertation within a librarian. Scott crashes below the entering adviser. Scott bays dissertation over the researcher. Dissertation leaps below Scott.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 1:48 PM
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198

"Dissertation fails after the pornography."

Alas, no truer words have ever been spoken.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 1:49 PM
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Scott's dissertation is 2700 pages long by now, but it's mostly non-pornographic.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 8:22 PM
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200

Bicentennial Kobe.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-20-07 9:40 PM
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201

engorged episcopalian protection


Posted by: Platosearwax | Link to this comment | 09-21-07 7:13 AM
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