I can't believe Wilkinson shaved. Is Sausegly the last free pundit in Washington?
Megan seems to be subverting the so-called Left with charm, sexual favors and threats of violence. A potent "cocktail" indeed!
Broken rib isn't quite up for a shotgun's kick, so instead, I made a salade niçoise and joined Catherine and Susan for a picnic in the park.
3 - Were they then killed by drug dealers having a gang war?
The Judeo-Cubano drug lords are fearsome and unforgiving.
Becks, meanwhile, filed and tempered a plastic butter knife until it could pierce flesh.
Yglz was disturbingly good, yes.
God, I love guns.
sure, what the heck--blasting targets is good clean fun.
i was pinging the hell out of a chair at the other end of my back yard this morning with a sling-shot. what can i tell you? in suburbia, people don't like loud noises. doesn't mean you can't have fun.
Booor--ing. Carl Rowan actually shot a guy.
[Backstory for the young 'uns: Rowan, now deceased, was a liberal columnist for the Washington Post -- yes, there used to be such a thing -- who shot an intruder with an unregistered .22 back in the Reagan administration.]
Plus, Yglesias is on the record as a gun control opponent, whereas Rowan was a staunch advocate, which gave the story the added frisson of hypocrisy.
OTOH, the recoil from a 12-gauge is no laughing matter, so credit where credit is due for hitting the range with the real thing.
For some reason -- no telling what; it could easily be a misfiring neuron -- I am reminded of the passage in William Gibson's Count Zero in which giving a decadent intellectual a weapon is compare to -- how do you say? ah, yes -- "arming a penguin."
I've finally figured it out! Sausagely is the spawn of an unholy union between John Kerry and Bocephus.
God, I love guns.
As all real Americans should.
Booor--ing. Carl Rowan actually shot a guy.
Am I officially old because I can remember that? I was only 12 though. I think I read about it in the L.A. Times. Given his public record, Rowan's arguments made him look like a total douche.
Oh my God he's the doppelganger of my first year roommate, the horridly sexist Star Trek enthusiast. My first thought - shit, it's X, and he's Armed.
What might be even more awesome than the Punisher pic would be shots of Saiselgy doing cowboy action shooting.
The Rowan hypocrisy argument is the same as the Gore hypocrisy argument: Gore flies in a plane and yet advocates for avoiding putting greenhouse gasses into the environment; Rowan uses a gun and yet favors gun control.
It is an entirely reasonable thing, in this society, for a person who opposes gun violence to own - and use - a gun. That should not be an argument against arranging our society more effectively, so that gun ownership is more unwise than it is.
So far, the Yglesias comment thread is funnier than this one.
Jesus. My ass is funnier than this thread. Also, drunker.
I thought the whole point of this blog was to funny-up the unfunny, and drain the humor from the humorous.
I've met arthegall, and let me tell you: he's totally right!
I mean, did you see that train-wreck of a witty references thread yesterday? Jeezum Crow! That was some not-very-funny shit.
In a reverse of my getting-lucky evening earlier this week, I went to a party which featured several beautiful single women and had no luck whatsoever. I seemed to have negative charisma, as I talked with each of them for a while and then they walked away and seemed to avoid me for the rest of the evening.
This thread could be the all Lenny Bruce fucking Bill Cosby with a whoopie cushion and it'd still be true: that dude has a funny ass.
22: uh I may have been passing the word about that thread the other night. Sorry, bro! Got me laid, though.
Actually, it's also possible that I was avoiding them, out of the belief that they were avoiding me, which then became self-fulfilling. Low self-esteem is a tricky thing to manage.
All the men at that party (except me) were wealthy, and all the women were good-looking.
"be the all"
Increase the funny, decrease the grammaticality. It's a rule of nature (cf. YouTube comments).
25: the children were all above average, the fish were jumping, and the cotton was high?
I am being awesome by staying in on Saturday!
I like to think that by denying certain of my friends my company on the weekend, I'm communicating clearly that they need to learn to be more fun. I've decided now that I simply prefer staying in to going out with humorless unfun people.
Just admit that you hate the hiccups, AWB.
28: because you have humorless, unfun people available to you on the internet all the time!
I stayed in tonight - indeed, I got out of town so as to have no opportunities to go out. It was delightfully antisocial!
Plenty of booze here, suckers! See if I deing to offer you my company!
I do, Arthegall, I do!
Case in point: Last time I was out with school chums and got the hiccups, and I tried to make them do the thing I made you do, Arthegall, they were all, "Why don't you just wait for them to go away or drink some water? This is silly." They don't understand how curses work. I ended up having to hail a cab and get out of there, since no one would assist me properly.
28: you've entered the death spiral of internet addiction, preferring your invisible friends to your real ones.
24: My performance that other night was great! It was her! Spread the word.
I know one pretty fail-safe hiccup cure, but you need somebody to help you with it.
I try to meditate on my breathing, which pretty much kills time until they go away. Holy crap, though, hiccups that don't go away? Worst thing ever.
You see? Now that there are two people here who I've gotten drunk with...
Let me finish off this bottle of wine...
Okay. Thing the first. The hiccup thing: great. Better than anything that came before it. Cures it every time. I've taught it to my brother, who I call. "I hate the hiccups," and he leads me through them.
Furthermore, Sifu, you have no business saying things like, "it was delightfully antisocial." You're easily one of the more social people, ever.
Well, I actually go out with my invisible internet friends, whereas nowadays I only interact with school chums on the listserv. Soon I'll leave Unfogged entirely and just spend all my time with you IRL.
You keep saying that, and I have yet to figure out why. Just because I get garroulously drunk at the occasional blog meetup, I'm not necessarily some kind of social butterfly.
Failing someone in their comp exam, which I did this week, delivers the kind of shock that cures hiccups.
Bocce!
Those people who were complaining about the Obscure References thread: they can go self-fuck.
That was a great thread. The goal should have been "as low a score as possible."
34: I'm so glad you're taking the hiccup thing seriously. I had a roommate in Cleveland who still calls me to do it with her sometimes. I find it hard to get people to do it, and since my hiccups will lead to self-injury (busted-open head, busted-open toe), I'm stuck in a sad, drunken cycle of sitting in the bar saying, "Why doesn't anyone believe me? I need your help!"
You were drunk and social. To claim otherwise is to deny the obvious. Don't try to play the Nerd Card with me. I know Nerd. Nerd and I are friends. You, Sir, are no Nerd.
AWB, Look.
I take seriously what works.
I consider it a form of Empiricism.
The World is All That Cures Hiccups, you know?
38: I keep forgetting whether we totally pwned bocce or lost miserably.
I've been very frightened since I found out that hiccups could be permanent, lasting months, years, or a lifetime. Every time I get the hiccups I think this could be the time they've arrived for good.
Given some of AWB's previous posts, I would think she'd be particularly partial to this hiccup cure:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?db=pubmed&list_uids=2299306&cmd=Retrieve&indexed=google
Failing someone in their comp exam, which I did this week, delivers the kind of shock that cures hiccups.
Which one of you had the hiccups? Or are you merely noting the scale?
I'm king of the nerds, man.
I also have a nerd army.
I was co-dictator of my high school's Strategic Games Club.
I'm no nerd? Nerds are no me.
No, of course I don't know what that means.
44: also, if he was that drunk, why was he grading exams?
You pwned, I lost, AWB. As I recall, your team beat ours, then fell behind early to some random Bar Losers, and then came back in the final round to win. You, and my friend M, the one who needed the Mineshaft.
Ogged, we all had the Hiccups.
I consider it a form of Empiricism.
The World is All That Cures Hiccups, you know?
Damn, where's Cala when needed?
Which one of you had the hiccups? Or are you merely noting the scale?
The latter. Frankly I'm letting you know in case I am shot to death next week by a disgruntled, etc.
Also, the link in 43 is great.
"Digital rectal massage was then performed resulting in abrupt cessation of the hiccups.".
Jesus. Let's just say: that's not AWB's cure. At least, I don't think.
Today in an effort to figure out how to cure the hiccups this guy had been suffering from for about five hours we called google's new phone number, not realizing that it was really just a 411 replacement and not a general-purpose thing. Prompted for a business name, I asked "what if you don't want the name of a business, what then, huh?" and for an intersection "esophagus and diaphragm". Strangely, it didn't work.
Ah, the National Center for Biotechnology Information. Source of so many wonderful hiccup cures.
50: See, I hypnotize you with "the curse," but really, I'm sneakily getting ass-sex out of it. It's the oldest line in the pick-up artist handbook.
Let me cure your hiccups with my wallaby thumb puppet, ladies!
Right, right. While I'm repeating the words, someone's giving me a prostate exam.
Ogged, if you're still reading this thread: have you forgiven me for ruining your References thread the other day, or something?
have you forgiven me
I never forgive, it's against my religion, but I was pulled into a long meeting just after I berated you, so it wound up not making much difference to me.
Ogged never forgives, he only forgets.
I'll confess that fully half my references were Lebowski, and the rest were evenly split between Bellow and Beckett. They were as obscure as possible, because I am a hateful person.
Why can't I quit you, Unfogged?
I'm glad I missed that thread. I was, at that very moment, making serious decisions about my career. Get this: my advisor thinks I'll be more productive on my dissertation if I start a magazine or edit/write a collection of essays for, like, a book. This sounded stupid at the time, but I know people, you know?
Neat. Need calf models? I hear Emerson might have some availability.
An eclectic web magazine, maybe?
Didn't you just (essentiallY) stop writingt a amagainze?
blah.
AWB what field are you in, anyways? I'm going to guess English or History, though I suppose Animal Husbandry and Hotel and Restaurant management are remote possibilities.
"though I suppose Animal Husbandry..."
Until they caught her at it.
64: Yeah, which was kind of her point. That I'd already developed a sort of style and focus, and that I have lots of friends who do cultural criticism that is consistently more interesting and better-written than anything at Slate or Salon, which pretend to do cultural analysis alongside journalism. It would be easy to find advertisers, as the demographic would be, like, educated 20-50-somethings who use computers. Like a webmag of cultural analysis. I'd edit it, there'd be a messageboard.
Hey, I just went to Lake Wobegon's premiere biker bar, and I wanted to stand up and say, "Hey! Guys! My Mom was more fucked-up than you assholes!" Which was not actually true, but the level of innocuousness and niceness here is hard to believe.
I was with my goddamn sister, and I wanted to stand up and say "Not my wife! My sister! She needs a good man!" I actually told three people she was my sister. No use.
We were dressed neat and tidy, which is why we had the problem. There's a biker code.
62: fuck the dissertation, you should start a magazine just because it's cool. It was cool back in the 20th century, anyway.
OK PEOPLE -- now I'm going to do what I should have done back in the references thread.
You could be the next n+1, AWB. You could call it S(S(n)).
69: So your advisor said, "Restart your blog?"
I scrupulously keep mine a secret from ... mine.
Now that one of my group-mates has discovered it, I'm twice-as-paranoid.
Unless you wanted to be original.
So the point is, I want to try to see what I can make of such a thing, using my friends from here, who know so much and write and think so well, and, past a first teaser issue for advertisers, I'd like to be able to get us all paid.
72: Did you hear the one, about the 12-inch Peano-ist?
w-lfs-n.
Namely, entering random sentences from Motley Crue's "THE DIRT", the best book about rock and roll ever written.
All of these passages are guaranteed off a random page. Open any page in this book, there is a great passage.
Didn't AWB's blog just move to the Unfogged comments section? What do we get out of this deal?
She was my friend before she was appointed at my grad school and became my advisor, so she knew about and read the blog. She's very supportive and complimentary, and she makes a good case for why I should do it. It would be realnames, not pseuds, professional-quality webmag stuff.
Dude AWB start a zine! Start spending your nights in copy shops, distribute it by mail for a dollar, do all the paste-up with a typewriter, glue, and collage. Here's the kicker, though: 100% peer reviewed!
It'd be huge.
I'd be happy to contribute grumpy celibate quasi-heterosexual male text. Do you need Mongol content?
So the point is, I want to try to see what I can make of such a thing,
This suddenly seems to have moved from something your advisor suggested to something you are actually considering and might really do.
Your advisor is also your friend? That could be both Good and Bad.
Check your damn twitter, AWB. See what you've made me do?
78: I'd leave Unfogged alone more often.
Check your damn twitter, AWB.
Not gonna live that one down in my lifetime, arthegall.
Do you need Mongol content?
Does any self-respecting publication not?
Whatever, you Non-Nerd. 1000 Gibson-sigs wouldn't let you live down what I've seen In Person.
Fuck my twitter. Apparently, non-reloading. ARghl.
Fuck my twitter.
Snort.
Okay, so I'll email you all when I get some ideas together, but if you have any, let me know. The goal, AFAIK, is Montaigne- or Bacon-style essays on topics of cultural interest. Not blog posts, but essays. We could give each other assignments.
"Listen, Nikki," I said. "You have to stop fooling around with this satanic black magic shit. It's powerful stuff, and if you don't know what you're doing, don't mess with it."But Nikki didn't care for grandstanding. "It's nothing," he said. "It just looks cool. It's meaningless symbols and shit. I'm just doing it to piss people off. It's not like I fucking worship Satan or something."
I knew I couldn't change his mind, so I left. When I returned two nights later, there were forks and knives sticking in the walls and ceiling, and Nicki and Lita looked much paler and sicker than usual.
"What the hell have you guys been doing?" I asked.
"We aren't doing anything, man," Lita said. "I tried to tell you. Stuff is just flying around here on its own"
You know, it concerns me that I dislike Twitter as much as I do. If previous internet technologies are any guide, this means I will inevitably end up using it.
my advisor thinks I'll be more productive on my dissertation if I start a magazine or edit/write a collection of essays for, like, a book.
Sooo, crack use is widespread in your department then?
I mean, by all means start a magazine if that's the thing you want to do. But frankly it sounds like your advisor is either delusional or just telling you to put the research on the back burner and do something you enjoy more.
Use it, Sifu. It's like mini-blogging. No posts > 150 letters, or whatever the limit is. Short and sweat.
95: She's been watching as my diss develops, and the direction it's going in is related to the nature of this project, as the subject is about the history of media studies and some of the methods I was using on my blog. This would be a more concentrated version of that.
I like arthegall drunk. Let it be known.
97: I love The Sciences. I had a friend (in my program) tell me the other day, that his advisor had told him, "You'd be surprised at how many theses are written a week before their defense." Hilarious.
Now that I look back on it, I realize how naive and innocent I was. There were no jets or sold-out stadiums then, no mansions or Ferraris. There were no overdoses or orgies with guitar necks stuck up some chick's ass. I was just some cocky little kid in a club who, like so many others before and after him, thought that a sore prick and burning nostrils meant he was kind of the world.
Shit! KING of the world. OK, I'll stop now before I start to look like a spambot. But "The Dirt" is a great book. It needs to be in a canon of some sort.
I want someone to watch my diss develop.
Sifu!
You so...
social...
if each of your social-skills were pastrami...
and your photographic ability was lettuce...
you'd have a pretty good sandwich.
Only one problem....
(With Every Man She Can Lay Her Hands On is an unpublished romantic thrill-ride by yo mama's friend, arthegall.)
My mamma:
Peg leg, with a kickstand.
Glass eye, with a fish in it.
Good night, you all. I'm going to go sleep off this wine.
It's time for this small creature of the night to meet its quick demise.
The Rowan hypocrisy argument is the same as the Gore hypocrisy argument: Gore flies in a plane and yet advocates for avoiding putting greenhouse gasses into the environment; Rowan uses a gun and yet favors gun control.
Dude, have you seen the kind of stuff Rowan wrote prior to that incident? Calls for total bans on handguns. Bans on manufacture, importation, possession, etc., and that people found to be in possession of a handgun in violation of the law should go to jail, no exception.
For me, the comparison that springs to mind is all the Republicans pushing for mandatory drug sentencing, and then pleading for no prison and rehab when one of their precious offspring gets caught with a bunch of narcotics.
Except that drugs are already illegal, gswift. Presumably he would argue that he wanted to obey the law, but society forced his hand
Not arguing his position by a long shot, but still.
Yom Kippur is so over. For the first time in five years, I had to leave services early, because the geniuses didn't even start mincha until 5:15. What kind of crazy talk is that? I had guests coming over for the break-fast at 7:30!
(Note: I may have drunk too much wine tonight.)
(Also, just watched the pilot for "Chuck" which looks cute. Not good, per se, but entertaining.)
Except that drugs are already illegal, gswift. Presumably he would argue that he wanted to obey the law, but society forced his hand
Rowan's used an unregistered handgun in D.C., which was/is also illegal.
114: yeah, that counts as hypocritical.
113: We were going to go to Neilah when it started around six, but we didn't get over there until around seven when it was just about over. We were out of there by 7:25.
And AWB's magazine idea sounds awesome.
We were out of there by 7:25.
We got outta dodge at 7:00, but it reports were that it didn't finish until almost 8:00. Insanity, considering Kol Nidre started at 5:30 yesterday.
How much of a bummer is it when YK falls on Shabbat and you don't get to do Avinu Malkeinu? Kind of disappointing.
You get to say it right at the end, but yeah. My mom was saying the same thing.
Goddamn jews using hebrew and talking about specific songs and verses and whatnot just to show up my ignorant ass for dropping high holy day references?
Fine, I'm not a jew. I just grew up in a jewish town, that's all. So what, huh? I spent all day eating bacon, today.
Most of the Hebrew words we're using refer to specific services rather than songs, actually.
The party I couldn't pick up a girl at was a break-fast. All the beautiful women and wealthy men were Jewish.
The internet led me astray.
Again: not jewish, however many jewish holidays I got off from school and/or jewish girls I lusted after.
Good thing I didn't start talking about Tikkun Olam or whatever.
All the beautiful women and wealthy men were Jewish.
Duh!
So teo, why don't you say Alvinu Malkeinu when Yom Kippur falls on Shabbat?
The internet led me astray.
Yes, that one's a song, but Mincha, Neilah and Kol Nidre are services.
This seems like the proper place and time to post this link.
126: I'm not entirely sure. Something about it is felt to be incompatible with the sabbath spirit.
You don't say Avinu Malkeinu when Yom Kippur falls on Shabbat because all (most?) of the petitionary prayers are cut from the service on Shabbat. It's God's day off; we don't want to be hasslin'.
So like, he's resting, quit complaining?
Fair enough.
You still get in the Book of Life, though, right?
Looks like the issue is that you're not supposed to petition God on Shabbat.
Pwned, but at least I provided a cite.
So like, he's resting, quit complaining?
More that you're resting, and God gave you this nice day of rest, so can't you just enjoy it and not bother him?
Five physical activities are forbidden on Yom Kippur:
eating and drinking
marital relations
washing
wearing leather shoes
applying lotions
Yeah, so, I spent all day eating bacon in the tub with a hooker while she shined the oxfords I was wearing and rubbed coconut oil into my scalp. Damn, being a gentile rules!
Yeah, Tweety, but the Jews are doing all those things on every other day. It's like Unbirthday; it's just better.
I mean, other than today, when was the last time you gave into the urge to apply lotions?
Dude I'm all up in the applying of lotions. It's a natural response to Boston weather trying to make my goddamn hands flake away like exposed shale.
So you can't wear sunscreen on Yom Kippur?
That's just weird, man.
Aw, I was hoping for a masturbation joke, but flaky hands, yeah, okay.
I had actually never heard the lotion thing before.
Aw, I was hoping for a masturbation joke
Again, not a jew.
145 is so opaque as to be incomprehensible, but that's the kind of coy motherfucker I am.
Masturbation presumably falls under "marital relations," so the lotion ban is a natural extension.
Masturbation presumably falls under "marital relations,"
Teo? If you have questions about things, you can ask.
I didn't know you were a rabbi, AWB.
142: Yeah, weirder. Fasting is a pretty common sort of devotional thing, but anti-moisturizer edicts, to my knowledge, are not.
151: See 144. Most of these restrictions have to do with the rabbinical tendency to obsessively identify and close loopholes; washing, for instance, is banned because you might accidentally get some water in your mouth.
147 makes me happy.
Not like that, for god's sake.
153: Yes, yes. Is your point that banning washing so that people won't accidentally swallow water *isn't* weird?
153: so, having masturbated, you might accidentally get some liquid in your mouth, somehow?
Yow!
I knew there was something up with those jewish girls in high school.
No, I'm saying the whole thing is weird, but that the lotion ban isn't particularly weird in context.
And, again, this is the first I've heard of any lotion ban. Plus, not all of these restrictions are universally adhered to. I washed and wore leather shoes today, for instance.
Ingestion makes one mildly unrepentant; it's true. It's also consistent with the history of the division between amour propre and reason. Gratifying the body is what got us into this mess in the first place!
158: Teo!
159: I always find it makes me repentant; what do I know.
Gratifying the body is what got us into this mess in the first place!
It's interesting to note that aside from Yom Kippur, this sort of thing is much less important in Judaism than in Christianity.
If it's not particularly weird, how come you've never even heard of it? Huh, huh? Riddle me that, Mr. Bad Jew.
Teo!
I'm not the only one, either. Where's mrh?
Indigestion makes me repentant, that is.
Daaaaaaark Foooorces betraying me.
He was wearing leather shoes, too? Oh, mrh gets the holy lash.
If it's not particularly weird, how come you've never even heard of it?
You don't seem to really get Judaism. There's all kinds of stuff that most Jews don't know about, but that isn't particularly surprising given all the (totally weird) stuff we do know about.
165: I don't know that he was, but lots of people do.
Yeah, because Baptists are supposed to feel shitty about self-gratification at all times, we start to fetishize it. Mmmm, self-gratification....
with a hooker
Your wife is a hooker, Tweety?
You don't seem to really get Judaism.
Does it require one to be completely unable to understand a joke?
because Baptists are supposed to feel shitty about self-gratification at all times, we start to fetishize it.
Yeah, this is why Jews think Christians are crazy.
168: pray to the dread demon Onan, AWB! Pray, and sufffer!
Whee-oo, gotta find my leather shoes after that.
169: hey, the catalog made it all seem very reputable.
171: that plus the fact that they totally are.
Does it require one to be completely unable to understand a joke?
No, why do you ask?
But at least we don't waste our time with little sins. Given the option, we go dramatic every time.
But at least we don't waste our time with little sins. Given the option, we go dramatic every time.
Again, crazy.
Not that Judaism is lacking in guilt. But it's not about sex.
I have never experienced a day's guilt about sex.
You're not exactly a practicing Baptist, though.
I dunno about this idea that there's not hot jew-sex.
Certainly doesn't match my experience.
Maybe less crying afterwards?
182: she's practicing something.
I have never experienced a day's guilt about sex.
Some mild guilt provides fertile ground for fun fetishes to develop. Although perhaps guilt is the wrong word for what's involved there.
I wish I could give you some insight there, Tweety, but alas.
I'm not saying sex with Jews isn't hot, but there's certainly a different attitude there.
IME, though, Jews other than me seem to have an awful lot of sex.
185: I refer instead to Woody Allen and the high school girls referenced above.
I think unfogged should chip in and buy teo, like, a rhinestone thong and some roofies to be self-administered, or something. I find this whole situation increasingly inexplicable.
187: maybe there's a gender difference? All I know is, sex with upper middle class neurotic jewish girls = teh hottt, according to me and all my friends from my hometown.
I'm sure the next season of the Pick-Up Artist will be seeking audition tapes soon! Teo would be perfect.
there's certainly a different attitude there.
I haven't found Jewish women to be particularly different than non-Jewish women in terms of how sexual they are.
I find this whole situation increasingly inexplicable.
Very few Jews around here, for a start.
I'm sure the next season of the Pick-Up Artist will be seeking audition tapes soon! Teo would be perfect.
I doubt it. Don't they, like, cry all the time?
Once you go black you'll never go back, teo.
All the Jewish guys I've been with have been super-bossy; it's all his way, predetermined before he even met you, or he's not turned on. No playfulness or spontaneity. "Okay, so I want to turn the TV on to the news, but with the volume low, and you're going to come over at 2pm and you'll have a seltzer, maybe a piece of fruit. At 2:15, you'll bend over the bed for a spanking."
It's not bad for a certain kind of girl.
196: Once you go... Navajo... you'll never go... Ivanhoe?
All the Jewish guys I've been with have been super-bossy; it's all his way, predetermined before he even met you, or he's not turned on.
I can totally see this, especially in New York.
197: Right? I mean, the guys who do well on that show tend to be handsome, like Teo, but a little wooden with chicks, like Teo, in need of some scripting, like Teo. And lots of them are adult virgins.
Maybe I should just watch the show.
201: dude and teo's like creative, and totally TV-hot. Can we force him into it?
like creative, and totally TV-hot
I'm not quite sure what you mean by either of those things.
Can we force him into it?
I don't think so, no.
Finale on Monday! So excited!!!
198 reminds me, hilariously, of my very good adult-virgin jewish friend, who I am still a little bit convinced is holding out for the girl who will finally have sex with him wedged beneath the sneeze-gard of a salad bar filled with nothing but chickpeas.
"Otherwise I won't be turned on, baby."
205: Keep in mind that Jewish men and Jewish women can be very different in certain ways. It's traditionally, and to some extent still, a very patriarchal culture and religion.
207.1: no worries, watch the edited version of this thread and you'll see what I mean.
Speaking of New York Jews, tonight I saw a picture of a very powerful (NIH, FDA, etc.) and renowned (in certain circles, I guess) doctor passed out drunk and high. Apparently it's how his family celebrates Thanksgiving.
For some reason this struck me as very Park Slope and very Unfogged.
OMG, yes. I think half the guys I met when I moved to NYC were Jewish guys who never got laid because they were so so particular in their scripts of what is hot and what's not. For one of them, the script was me, like I was the embodiment of years of highly specific longing, and it creeped me the fuck out.
The hottest girl I ever dated was Irish Catholic. A swirling vortex of mad driving lust. It was like she was possessed. Rather prim in public too.
I should have made it work with her just for that. She was also the best cook I ever dated.
I've never dated a Christian, or anyone who has ever been a Christian. It's weird; there's just zero mutual desire there, and I don't know why. I'm not bigoted against my people, but maybe I'm particularly wary of them.
She was also the best cook I ever dated.
Switch "date" and "cook" for endless queasy laffs.
212: well, stick to the navel-gazing emo-narcissists and you won't have that problem. Yeah, though: it's possible to be altogether too picky, especially when you don't have a frame of reference.
Just wanted to register that I'm a Jewish male and the stereotype being propagated here resembles nothing I've ever experienced or heard before.
I think sexuality is way individual, more so than most other characteristics, and it's hard to generalize for groups. Especially for women, where I believe there are huge individual physical differences, a lot of variation in physiology, etc.
it's hard to generalize for groups. Especially for women, where I believe there are huge individual physical differences, a lot of variation in physiology, etc.
Whaaaaat?!?
Where are you from, marcus? I think the type of Jewish man I'm thinking of here might be largely found in NYC.
And, of course, I have no experience of anyone's sexuality other than my own, so take everything I say with a ton of salt.
Well, I respectfully take back my stereotype, marcus. Infinite variety, etc. I'm sure, as Teo suggests, any patterns might be more traceable to locality and culture rather than religion.
217: women just seem to vary a lot in how orgasmic they are, even women from similar backgrounds and with similar personalities. I just think a lot is physical, not cultural. I don't see why this would be an outrageous claim.
218: you're right I'm not from NYC.
Or to wearing leather shoes on Yom Kippur.
We had much fun. After shooting guns, we went to the Olive Garden. It was only appropriate.
It boggles the mind that Saisegly had apparently never been to an Olive Garden before. Of course, I've never been to a Chili's or an Appleby's, so maybe it's not so weird.
220: that's fine, I was probably overreacting. Broad generalizations are always interesting even though inevitably simplifications. You probably know some NY Jewish subcultures better than I do.
and re my 216 and 221: I might have been defining "sexuality" a little idiosyncratically...I sort of meant what somebody physically enjoys and how they are sexually after you are settled into a relationship. Stuff like how quickly and with who somebody will initially have sex, what they consider "moral" and "immoral" etc. is obviously very socially influenced.
My mom used to be able to tolerate the idea of an Olive Garden as desperation food until the time a waitress told us there was no soup at the moment, she'd have to "thaw out a bag."
I tried to explain to mom that "thawing out a bag" is what most chain restaurants do, but she had these visions of Sicilian-trained chefs back there dutifully following recipes. Shattered.
223: were there only shotguns there, or were there fancier rifles and pistols? I always wanted to shoot an AK-47. The peoples' gun!
When my cousin and a friend of his were visiting us in Albuquerque once, the number one place they wanted to go eat was the Olive Garden, presumably because they'd seen the commercials on TV. So my sister and I took them there. It seemed to live up to their expectations.
They lived in a horribly unpleasant and extremely conservative New Mexico oil town, so they were coming at it from a perspective opposite to Saiselgy's. For them the presence of an Olive Garden was emblematic of Albuquerque's status as a big city.
It's really hard explaining to tourists that "Olive Garden"---even the one on 42nd St---is not the same as actually having NYC Italian food. Just because it's physically in New York...
That said, Becks and I got margaritas at Chevy's a while back and we weren't even a little sorry. Those things are as big as your head!
I always wanted to shoot an AK-47. The peoples' gun!
I have a story similar to this one involving an AK-47.
Those margaritas were delicious. Margaritas and queso are excused from the type of hatred lobbied at things like Chi-Chis and the Olive Garden.
Chevy's is a chain Mexican place that is actually quite good, comparatively. They claim to use no frozen ingredients or microwaves or cans of anything, but it's still a goofy chain Mex place, basically.
In Albuquerque, you have no need for our perversions because you have actual Mexican food.
Yeah, that sort of thing here would be like an Olive Garden in Manhattan.
That said, I'm pretty sure the closest Mexican place to my apartment depends heavily on microwaving canned or frozen ingredients. For a long time I kept going there and ordering different things, hoping something would be good, but no.
Were the margaritas on the rocks, or that awful slushy kind?
Mine was a prickly pear margarita on the rocks. Several of them, actually.
I once had a terrible margarita at a Mexican place in Montreal. Huge, slushy and lime-flavored. Ugh.
On a weeknight there would be lots of people commenting here at this time.
Us East-coasters are perhaps all putting off allergy-ridden sleep. Well, just me. But now I can avoid it no longer!
Two-hundred forty comments on a Saturday night? We need to more strictly enforce the bannings.
I'll take this thread to 250 all by myself if need be.
245: Don't worry, they're mostly just me.
OK, teo, you've drawn me out. I have nothing to say about margaritas, but I have fired an AK-47. While wearing a shalwar kameez, no less.
This was in Pakistan, hence the shalwar kameez. Later that day, I met a man who offered to take me over the border to Afghanistan on a camel for $20 (this was 1988), or to kill someone for me for $200. He was very fond of American professional wrestling.
Were they offering the opportunity to fire RPGs? Because there's a certain commenter here who might be interested.
Anyhoo, I killed the thread just so you all could get some sleep.
I killed the thread just so you all could get some sleep.
I guess my question is answered. Thanks for spending that $200 for us.
Uh.
251: They were, but you had to be buying to do that. It was a really bizarre scene coming into this town; kids in English-style uniforms playing soccer in a schoolyard while RPG fire blasted into the hillside above.
Were they offering the opportunity to fire RPGs? Because there's a certain commenter here who might be interested.
Man, who wouldn't jump at the chance to fire an RPG?
Tweety, did you see last night's UFC?
you've all seen 'some like it hot', right?
where tony curtis does his cary grant imitation, and tries to seduce marilyn monroe by pretending to be completely insensible to lust?
i'm thinking that must be the scam that teo's pulling.
and, look, it probably works for him, so why should we blow his cover?
also: sifu drunk is one funny, funny dude. as is sifu sober.
Keep in mind that Jewish men and Jewish women can be very different in certain ways.
Sexist Nazi.
I'm not the only one, either. Where's mrh?
Sorry, went to sleep. However, allow me to officially register as Jewish male who washes and wears leather shoes on Yom Kippur, and who doesn't have restrictively precise sexual turn-ons... ladies.
Failing someone in their comp exam, which I did this week, delivers the kind of shock that cures hiccups
So does having your girlfriend tell you (falsely, but with a straight face) that she's pregnant.
It is an entirely reasonable thing, in this society, for a person who opposes gun violence to own - and use - a gun.
Yes, but Rowan was still a hypocrite, because he kept (and used) an unregistered handgun in a jurisdiction with the strictest gun control laws in the nation, despite having written in favor of "a law that says anyone found in possession of a handgun except a legitimate officer of the law goes to jail -- period."
So, anyone have any idea why Yglesias has a tendency to both (1) constantly tweak his readers regarding his anti-gun control views, and (2) refuse to explain the rationale for, or extent of, his anti-gun control views in any way on his blog? Gun control's a pretty low priority for me, so this sort of this doesn't bother me too much, but this habit of "poke the liberals with my non-doctrinaire views/refuse to stand by them with any real substance" shows up in Yglesias's stuff on a number of fronts (especially labor, education and environmental policy), and it's bizarre for a self-styled wonk to so assiduously avoid actually saying why he supports certain policies.
Matt's contrarian tendencies were much, much more obnoxious when he got started blogging as an undergraduate only five years ago. The guy is still young.
I believe that Matt has said that a.) gun control is a vote-losing issue and b.) in one of the neighborhoods he lived in he would have felt safer if he had owned a gun. I also believe that Megan McArdle is subverting the so-called left with charm, the promise of sexual favors, and threats of violence.
I argued this out with some Second Amendment types several years ago, and became convinced that the level of gun ownership is overall a pretty poor predictor for anything, partly because "gun" means a range of things from 22s on up. IE, high gun ownership doesn't correlate with a high murder rate, but also, high gun ownership doesn't correlate with people being safe in their homes because they can protect themselves. There are too many other, much more important variables.
The 2nd Amendment people's argument, however, is a very strong one: gun ownership is a good thing, period, and there should be no restrictions of any kind anywhere on gun ownership, even in local situations where it might be a good idea. I don't believe this at all, but there's so much intensity about the argument I tend no to fight it. Short version, those people are nuts.
Here's an amazing piece about an education consultant and speaker who has concocted a whole new area of the brain (the crockus, discovered by an imaginary Dr. Crockus at an imaginary hospital) to explain why boys and girls are different.
It's so weird that you suspect that it's a joke internet hoax, but "Dan Hodgins" seems to be a real person at a real community college (Mott CC, Flint Michigan) who really does go around lecturing at real schools. He seems to be connected with one of those slick consulting firms that spring up to take advantage of government mental health and educational programs (NCLB etc.)
Or Google "Dan Hodgins" + Crockus.
So take that, Bitch! Take that, LB! Your female brains are just fucked! Science proves it!
Here's a report on the new designer drug, "cake".
Tweety, did you see last night's UFC?
No! I might download it, though. I just fuckin' spoiled it for myself, but damn! Now I have to see that.
Now I have to see that.
It was really something.
Also, who did you have killed?
Please. It's "whom did you have killed?".
Keep in mind that Jewish men and Jewish women can be very different in certain ways.
Jewish men don't have breasts.
Try telling that to that one character from that awful show that isn't funny, marcus.
Jewish men don't have breasts.
If they have a BMI > 30 they do.
Dudes, that Liddell/Jardine fight was great.
At the end of the fight, Liddell's sides looked like he'd been scourged.
Where are you getting your torrents these days, Sifu? Torrentspy and Fulltorrent are effectively gone. Is there another search site? I know about the pirate bay.
By the way, for those of you who get the "Versus" channel, they're showing rugby recently; France vs. Ireland today.
272: Jewish men don't have vulvas.
Also, that is the greatest show ever. No doubt Jerry would have had exactly the sexual habits described by AWB.
They kind of were. Jardine was so effective with the legs to the midsection.
272: Jewish men don't have vulvas.
Essentialist.
France vs. Ireland today.
Don't get me started.
Also, the string of Pride stars coming up short continues. On the other hand, Griffin might be the most impressive bleeder in MMA history.
I've always thought Liddell had a bit of that great white hope quality...easy for the average fan to identify with, but a bit overrated.
Marcus is still governed by atavistic ideas from back on the veldt. Note that he doesn't cite any studies or provide any evidence for his assertions.
Yes, the stupid haircut is no match for the Dean of Mean. Too bad "provost" doesn't rhyme with anything scary.
Back on the veldt, men and women had different anatomies. This aided in reproduction. Go ahead, attack me.
Back on the veldt, speculations about Jewish anatomy were part of the male bonding rituals which ultimately led to Hitler.
The veldt lives in Manhattan! Let me be the first to link the latest Style section article about the intersection of social Darwinism and dating. Countdown to Unfogged thread in...
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/fashion/23whopays.html
OT, but if you were pleasuring yourself while thinking about Marcel Marceau, you have to stop now.
Or Professor Aggressor, for that matter.
marcel marceau dead, eh?
prediction: lotta bad jokes about silence.
On the veldt pwnage was borne with dignity and grace. Also, hot dogs were made from intestines of your enemies.
296: Now let's see him try to get out of that box.
I came here immediately after reading this, assuming there would already be a post up about it. Please don't let me down, Unfogged.
We've all just been quietly gloating, Doris. Each of us has his own way of being the captain of his ship. (Yes, "his". The ladies get no health benefit from masturbation, no matter how hard they try). Having to shave the palms of your hands occasionally is a very small price to pay.
Please don't let me down, Unfogged.
It's not about you, Doris.
This isn't a new finding, is it? I'm pretty sure I've joked about the unquestionably stellar health of my prostate before.
It's not new, I remember hearing about it years ago, maybe even before the days of blog.
Huh, upon further inspection, that BBC story Hilzoy links to is from 2003. I wonder why she linked to it now.
It's not about you, Doris.
You don't seem to remember that I was named Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" in 2006. It's ALL about me.
If you send us some "candid shots", Doris, it can be about you! Provided that you can provide documentary evidence that you're not dead.
277: about torrents, ogged: meganova can be pretty good. There's some private sites for MMA stuff, but I don't have any logins for those at the moment. If you're talking about music, ask w-lfs-n. For generic TV I usually just stream it because I'm impatient.
My 20s are over, and I successfully attained the maximum protective effect.
But given how common prostate cancer is, I'm suspicious of the finding.
I just found a claim that heavy coffee drinkers have 80% less risk of cirrhosis. I'm high-risk for cirrhosis without the coffee, but I'm a heavy coffee drinker. Let joy be unconfined.
It's funny, because I've always thought of alcohol and caffeine as a matched set, with a switch about 3:00 p.m.
how common prostate cancer is
Yeah, basically if you live long enough, you'll almost certainly get prostate cancer. Which makes me wonder whether masturbation just kills guys early.
Disease prevention is not the sole purpose of masturbation.
cowboy shooting
Reverse cowboy would be more entertaining.
I almost forgot: happy birthday, Señor McManlyPants!
309: 3pm Irish coffees for all!
313: Gracias, apóstrofedor!
So all that toxic crap is in the semen? Have they measured the effects on the recipients? And is 50 the arbitrary cut-off, or does it have some other significance? It so happens a longtime habit became much less appealing about that age.
Happy birthday, Manlybust McRobopants!
296: But who got the last word?
