Re: I Want To Screw You

1

To what at Unfogged did the immigration link point? The google page doesn't reference Unfogged.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:41 AM
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It's on the 5th page of results now.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:42 AM
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This thread.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:44 AM
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Humanity, I hate you.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:44 AM
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5

Can the person doing the second search find good advice on this site? Perhaps we should offer some?

The first thing you need to do is emphasize that allowing his girlfriend to sodomize him does not make him gay. Pegging is a heterosexual act!

Next you need to loosen him up with some of those Bend Over Boyfriend videos.

Start with small objects, use plenty of lube, and let him go at his own pace.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:48 AM
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Do we assume she means receiving, rather than giving? And what if it's a boy asking?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:51 AM
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5: what makes you think the searcher was female? And, if female, what makes you think the searcher wanted to be the penetrator rather than the penetratee?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:51 AM
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Damn you AWB.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:52 AM
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5 is very funny, esp. when references to lube and small objects are followed by the signature 'helpy-chalk'.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:52 AM
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Becks, check your unfogged email.


Posted by: chopper | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:54 AM
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Do we assume she means receiving, rather than giving? And what if it's a boy asking?

I'd guess it's a boy asking.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:55 AM
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Becks is offline today, waiting for her new laptop from corporate (as they say).


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:55 AM
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Brock, bear: I assumed she was a female who wanted to penetrate because that is the funniest way to read it.

This is actually an important principle of interpretation for me. It goes along with the epistemic principle that theories which portray the world as a more interesting place are more likely to be true.

Kid: I'm always trying to help people out.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:56 AM
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Although, I've never known a gay guy to refer to it as "anal" which is how you describe that variety of straight porn. "Buttsex"? "Assfucking"?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:56 AM
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Anybody else online who can get me in touch with Armsmasher?


Posted by: chopper | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:58 AM
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14. He was being extra polite because he was talking to strangers.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:58 AM
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"Anal" is also what made me assume she wants to be penetrated, rather than to penetrate. If she wanted to get in her bf's butt, she would have searched for something about pegging or prostates.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:59 AM
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15: Do you have his email?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:59 AM
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Try emailing Catherine, Choppo.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:59 AM
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If Cath's not online, email me and I'll send him a txt for you or something.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:01 AM
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The word "depilation" was cut off of the second search phrase.


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:04 AM
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"Butt sex" is my favorite term of art. It has such a pleasing roundness to it, besides being alliterative with "brown".


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:04 AM
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awb, just sent you a message.


Posted by: chopper | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:08 AM
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17

Where does the term pegging come from?


Posted by: jamacker | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:15 AM
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Dan Savage


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:17 AM
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this guy is like highly unstable
should stay away


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:28 AM
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27

In any case, I'm pretty sure that this is the answer to both questions.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:28 AM
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#22 gets it right. "Butt Sex" is pleasingly onomatopoeic. The other night, though, a few of my gay friends and I decided to just start calling it "yoga."


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:36 AM
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I like to call it boom-boom. "Let's go make boom-boom with daddy!" For example.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:39 AM
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HBGB: isn't that a more general term of art? Of course "boom-boom buttseks" still rolls of the tongue.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:41 AM
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I think Ogged put this post up just so that he could make comment 27.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:42 AM
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27: that baby's on the next plane home.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:44 AM
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29: and your dad's into that?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:45 AM
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isn't that a more general term of art? Of course "boom-boom buttseks" still rolls of the tongue.

Not all sex is butt sex?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:45 AM
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If Cath's not online,

You'd better hope she doesn't read that, awb.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:46 AM
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You're forgetting the mouth part of ass-to-mouth, HBGB


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:48 AM
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I just want to screw you.

Can be a great statement or a horrible statement or a desperate statement.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:49 AM
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29: and your dad's into that?

It was more of a transaction, really.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:51 AM
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39

Who are these people who search using full interrogative sentences?


Posted by: fig | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:52 AM
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39: me.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:52 AM
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39: your mom.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:52 AM
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What about a performative statement?


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:54 AM
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Who?
Them


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:56 AM
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29: Heebie might not have apo's link-fu, but I think she's besting him in the "creepy hilarity" category even so.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:58 AM
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B is trying to sow the seeds of discord.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:58 AM
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44 seconded.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:59 AM
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45: I'd have said nothing if Apo hadn't earlier allowed as to how his latest baby has caused him to misplace his crown.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:03 AM
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For those of us at work, can someone summerize the porn that ogged links to indirectly in 27, and, like, a dozen other places.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:03 AM
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Someone's mentioned that it involves a rattle, whether baby, death, or snake I don't know.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:04 AM
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Can be a great statement or a horrible statement or a desperate statement.

IIRC, George Carlin has a schtick about how, given its literal meaning, "fuck you" should be a compliment. "Oh, fuck you." "No no, fuck you."


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:05 AM
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51

You just need to watch it, helpy-chalk.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:05 AM
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summerize the porn

You mean make it all humid and sunny?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:06 AM
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53

"Dearest Google, I beseech the: how might I entice my beau to rest his royal scepter in my most private and cthonic chamber?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:06 AM
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Yeah, summarizing it would do you an incredible disservice. The surprise of it is a big part of the pleasure.

But not all; I'm gonna watch it yet again.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:07 AM
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And it does need to be seen. Words will not do it justice, and will only lessen the hilarity.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:07 AM
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56

The searcher might want to consider the advice contained herein, mutans mutandum:

And if, finally, one wishes to copulate and close with his lady de typo greco (or contra natura), then he must first work thoroughly at her body's far orifice till it becomes ample and pliable. Whereupon let him call out to it, O my Spiky Urchin, duct of my dreams, or O fount of unspeakable and vain, fruitless love. Yet if any incognizant fellow burns to enter into an unworked and unripe duct, knowing not how to call it and address it, well then, it were better that he abandon his endeavor at the portal, and climb into a cold and unworthy bath wherein he may abuse himself, alone and shivering, till he grunt and squirm as befits and merits him.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:09 AM
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If you watch only one 30-second clip of porn this year, make it babysitter.avi.


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:11 AM
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"Who's a Spiky Urchin? You is!"


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:11 AM
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59

This guy needs the Mineshaft Advice Brigade's help

http://la.curbed.com/archives/2007/12/ask_curbed_how_3.php


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:13 AM
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60

I like it when people mix up prostrate and prostate.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:13 AM
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56: Clearly that book is a work of genius. I'm giving it to everyone on my Christmas list.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:13 AM
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39-41: Brock is fig's mom?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:18 AM
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I like to call it boom-boom.

The last time I heard the term boom-boom, it was a little kid (not one of mine) telling his mother, "I just went boom-boom in my britches."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:21 AM
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people still say `britches' ?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:23 AM
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for what it's worth, I'm told that butt babies never live.


Posted by: Ordem e Progresso | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:23 AM
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62: This place is complicated.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:23 AM
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I like to call it boom-boom.

Ogged likes to call it 'fun fun'.


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:23 AM
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"I just went boom-boom in my britches."

Everybody say WAY-O! WAY-O!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:24 AM
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How to get someone deported? One of the weird things about some, how shall we say, marriage-broker relationships is that when some of them fail, how fast the US citizen wants to get them deported. "It didn't work out? How can I get her ass deported?" Unfortunately for them, ICE isn't a taxi service.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:25 AM
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63: Did you give his attending parent the look of "why do you teach your children such ridiculous euphemisms?"?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:27 AM
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71

70: No. I have manners.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:29 AM
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72

69: I would have thought that reporting it was actually a marriage-for-citizenship would make them turn on the spouse. Aren't they really strict about that?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:29 AM
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63: My 2 year old still has accidents some times. We keep saying "tell mommy or daddy if you have to pee." He seems to have interpreted this as "tell mommy or daddy *that you have* peed." We get all these really pleased announcements. "Mama, I peed!" I guess the difference between past and present perfect is hard when you are 2 1/2.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:30 AM
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I would have thought that reporting it was actually a marriage-for-citizenship

Would you believe a person in the middle of an acrimonious divorce?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:30 AM
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75

Even worse, if 72 worked, it would give a horrible imbalance of power in some cases.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:31 AM
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Pacific Islanders call boom-boom "push-push". I've always wanted to use that term, but it's a joke that needs explaining.

Monty Python's "thingy" is good too.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:32 AM
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for what it's worth, I'm told that butt babies never live

I have heard that indeed one can get prgenant from anal sex. It's where lawyers come from.

Banned.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:33 AM
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Pushmi-pullyu?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:33 AM
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71: But think of the children!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:33 AM
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Heebie's ass is the measure of all things (of the things that are, that they are, and of the things that are not, that they are not). So, 'boom-boom' it is.


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:34 AM
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74: So they interrogate you interminably about the provenance of your marriage before they accept it, but once that's over with, the burden of proof is on the accuser? I'm not really considering what would be reasonable, just what the administrative impulse would be.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:36 AM
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73: Feel lucky. Noah turns 3 next month and is furiously resisting potty training. "Fuck you people, I'll just sit in it."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:37 AM
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I guess the difference between past and present perfect is hard when you are 2 1/2.

Irregular verbs are still a challenge at 4 1/2. A common call in our household is "I GOED POOP" from the bathroom ("poop" in this case is a two-syllable word which descends a minor third).


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:38 AM
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72: They are serious about fraud, but USCIS and the department of State usually try to head that off before the person is in the country, or through their own proof at an interview. And in most cases, the citizen spouse doesn't have proof of fraud; they have proof of the marriage dissolving quickly, or it 'just not working out', in many cases because the man expected Women from Country X to be All Alike, and he's spent all this Time and Money. They're usually the ones that wish the visa came with a return policy. soup biscuit's right that they're not going to believe someone in the middle of an acrimonious divorce.

The other thing that complicates matters is that often the person they want deported is legally in status. If you're here on the typical spousal visa, it's good for two years. If the couple starts having problems because they married quickly (we're talking people who have met in person once and might not exactly speak the same language), that's not USCIS's problem as long as the spouse is in status.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:39 AM
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Oh, chill out, parents. PK didn't start potty training until just about his 3rd birthday, at which point he said he wanted to learn to use the bathroom like grownups. You're gonna make your kids all neurotic n shit.

That said, I'm a firm believer in the "no pants, no diaper" method, myself.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:39 AM
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Also, thank all of you for being the ones to talk about poop for a change! I myself am proud to report that "Mama, come wipe my butt!" is NO LONGER a Bitch household catchphrase. Hallelujah.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:41 AM
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PK will always remember that as "the year my wiener was free."


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:41 AM
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the "no pants, no diaper" method?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:41 AM
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I would have thought that reporting it was actually a marriage-for-citizenship would make them turn on the spouse. Aren't they really strict about that?

I'm fairly confident that a citizen spouse who knowingly entered into a "marriage-for-citizenship" would be guilty of a federal crime no less than the immigrant.

As my friends in ICE have repeatedly noted in recent months, for no particular reason, you basically need one felony or an appropriate combination of misdemeanors.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:42 AM
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90

Oh, Noah *can* do it. The day care says he's actually pretty good about it there. But he seems to have taken the attitude that once he's at home, it's time to kick back and sit in your own urine for a while.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:43 AM
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If you're here on the typical spousal visa, it's good for two years.

At this point it's just curiosity on my part, not nitpicking, but does that mean they'd have to go back after those two years if they are divorced in the meantime?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:43 AM
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I'm fairly confident that a citizen spouse who knowingly entered into a "marriage-for-citizenship" would be guilty of a federal crime no less than the immigrant.

I'm assuming here that the citizen spouse would automatically claim they didn't know.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:46 AM
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90: Is it the infant effect? Baby doesn't have to, so why should I?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:47 AM
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But he seems to have taken the attitude that once he's at home, it's time to kick back and sit in your own urine for a while.

It's a free country.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:48 AM
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95

Everyone knows those dusky foreign she-devils always lead honest white men on, after all.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:48 AM
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92: At which point the stench of sour grapes becomes overwhelming.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:48 AM
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91: I assume they are free to acquire any other status they legally can, in the meantime.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:49 AM
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As I have mentioned before, one of the fabulous things about my fabulous gf is her willingness to wipe my daughter's butt.

My gf earned her stripes when my daughter accidently locked herself in the bathroom at a football field and my had to get down on the nasty floor and crawl under the door. It was at that point that I decided that I wasnt good enough to marry her.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:49 AM
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90--
"But he seems to have taken the attitude that once he's at home, it's time to kick back and sit in your own urine for a while."

man, that's precocious. most people don't realize that till they're in their 70's.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:50 AM
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96: Quite so. I suppose the CIS is a little more equitable than I assumed. I have no experience therewith and am going off those many Anthony Lewis NYT op-eds in the 90's about the draconian INS deportations.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:50 AM
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88, 90: Tell the kid it's a no diaper day, don't put any pants or diaper on him, put the portapotty in whatever room he's playing in (yes, following him around with the potty is kind of a pain). Give him a couple days of this, and don't yell at them for peeing or crapping on the floor; just remind them to try to use the potty and clean it up.

Weirdly, they don't mind sitting in their own wet diapers, but they're not big fans of the pee pooling under their feet. It works pretty well.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:51 AM
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for what it's worth, I'm told that butt babies never live.

Such a shame.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:51 AM
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91: As long as the marriage was in good faith, the two-year conditional green card can be renewed for a standard 10-year green-card, the difference being that you aren't applying jointly for the renewal under those conditions.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:51 AM
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'Course, we had hardwood floors when I did this. YMMV if you have carpeting.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:52 AM
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104: The approach works well in a carpeted rental space, too, if you have one of those handy home steam-cleaners.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:54 AM
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105--
i don't get this. why do you need the cleaner, if it's a rental?


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:56 AM
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89: Again, there'd need to be proof. They tend to catch people only when there's a large ring of scammers, or a large payment to the USC.

91: It depends. The visa's good for two years. The usual process is the spouse landing here, filing for a green card, and then getting the green card. Then they're a permanent resident, no longer needing a visa. If you don't file for the green card at all and divorce, your visa terminates immediately. And you're supposed to leave.

Where it gets tricky is when someone files for the greencard and then divorces. If you haven't been married for more than two years, you get a 'conditional green card', and you apply to remove conditions (by showing evidence of a comingled life) two years after being approved. Then you get your ten-year card. But if you divorce, having already received a green card, you may file to lift conditions on your own immediately.

Basically, once someone is a resident or even here, it's really hard to get them to leave.

95: I think the calculus is more 'He's fifty, I'm 20, I only have to put up with him for two or three years and then I'll be a resident of a rich country where I can send money back home.' Fair enough -- the man's calculus in some cases is 'She's from a poor country where the women are all dusky and servile and not ruined by American feminists who won't fuck a Nice Guy like me.'


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:56 AM
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B, really, this worked in just a couple days? I keep thinking I'll take a weekend and go for it, but then worry the whole thing will be undone when we return to the mishmash of preschool, nannyshare, playdates, etc that comprise our childcare during the week, all negotiated at different locations. Can one make this stick in just a weekend? Or should I wait for a federal holiday?


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:57 AM
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We have hardwood floors and my kid loves to pee on them. But it sure as hell doesn't "pool under his feet"--it goes shooting across the damn room. Which makes him laugh.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:57 AM
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106: Assuming you are actually living in the rental, even if not permanently, removing pee puddles from the carpeting makes life just a bit more pleasant.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:58 AM
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Man, we got lucky on the whole potty-training thing. A friend of Sally's (maybe a year or two older) potty-trained her around 2, by the "You're still wearing diapers?" method. And Newt inherited his father's catlike fastidiousness. He asked Buck to explain the whole toilet process at around the same age, and then pretty much did it. (We did have a month or two of epically misplaced pooping incidents every so often -- we still own the resulting carpet cleaner -- but not more than a month or two.)

If karma really evens out over a lifetime, Newt and Sally's sleeping and toileting habits probably mean that I'm about to get hit by a bus or something.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 11:59 AM
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96->90.

put the portapotty in whatever room

No, he flatly refuses to use that thing any longer. He insists on sitting splay-legged (to keep from falling in) on the "big boy potty", when he'll use anything at all.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:00 PM
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Potty chair in front of t.v. Pop "Once Upon a Potty" into the DVD-player/vcr. Wait. You will never, never get that stupid song out of your head, but yay not changing diapers.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:00 PM
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110--
yeah, i used to tell the visiting nurse the same thing, but over time i've gotten used to it.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:01 PM
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112: Maybe one of those seats that fit on the toilet? If he won't use the potty chair because it's beneath his dignity, but he's little enough that sitting on the toilet-seat is precarious, that could be what's going on. (And that could be part of why Newt and Sally had it easy - they were both so tall that there was only a very short period when the toilet was uncomfortably big for them.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:06 PM
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epically misplaced pooping is a superb phrase.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:07 PM
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117

Weirdly, they don't mind sitting in their own wet diapers, but they're not big fans of the pee pooling under their feet. It works pretty well.

This hasn't been working for us.

We haven't used diapers in a couple months, and because we are always shuffling from place to place, Joey has to wear pants most of the time. He remembers to pee in the potty about half the time. The other half, he simply tells us after he has peed and we get him the fresh pants he wants.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:09 PM
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Mmm. There were a couple of rug incidents, and then about three weeks of "Okay, pooping is for porcelain containers filled with water. And here I am in the bathtub. Score!" An unpleasant period, but a short one.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:09 PM
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Hi Sybil Vane


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:11 PM
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He asked Buck to explain the whole toilet process at around the same age, and then pretty much did it.

My current theory is that Lizardbreath is actually a member of some superior species. Consider: the sisters Breath are respectively a high powered New York lawyer and a world class transplant surgeon. Newt and Sally were sleeping through the night in their own beds at 18 months. Both learned to use the potty without any fuss.

There are non-human genes at work here.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:12 PM
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Hi will.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:13 PM
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Maybe one of those seats that fit on the toilet?

Nope. He has rejected that as well. He isn't afraid of the toilet, he just doesn't want to be interrupted when he's doing something else. I was the same way and wasn't reliably potty-trained until 3-1/2 or so.

And here I am in the bathtub.

Sigh. Familiar with that, yes.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:14 PM
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The genetic engineering broke down on the capacity to get any actual work done without endless whining, or to find my keys or wallet. Buck, of course, is tidy, organized, and hardworking, so Sally and Newt may turn out to be the master race.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:15 PM
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Thank you, Unfogged, for another thread reminding me of the many good things about not having children.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:17 PM
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My kid and I have taken her baths together since she was a tiny thing, and only in the last few months has she insisted on standing for the duration of the bath. Now that her butt is out of the water the whole time, I have realized she pees in the tub every single night. I found this info a little late coming.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:19 PM
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It's a sad state of affairs when a thread about deportation and pegging devolves into a discussion of cute baby poop stories.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:22 PM
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If you're hoping to join the Evolutionary Level Above Human, you missed your chance.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:23 PM
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126: apo started it, too. Why, O cruel universe? Why?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:24 PM
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It's a sad state of affairs when a thread about deportation and pegging devolves into a discussion of cute baby poop stories.

Watching the Unfoggedariat sink by imperceptible degrees into middle age is one of the most exquisite pleasures in life.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:25 PM
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At only 29, I am a prodigy at dragging these threads down into middle-aged banality.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:28 PM
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129: I'm waiting for the mid-life crisis, mostly.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:34 PM
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see my 99 and 114--i'm going *way* beyond middle age, baby.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:34 PM
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My kid and I have taken her baths together since she was a tiny thing, and only in the last few months has she insisted on standing for the duration of the bath. Now that her butt is out of the water the whole time, I have realized she pees in the tub every single night. I found this info a little late coming.

That made me laugh out loud. My daughter needs help in the shower. Sometimes she pees and laughs, and laughs when I jokingly scold her.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:39 PM
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I found this info a little late coming.

I guess that's what you get for making sure she always drank enough water.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:41 PM
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Never underestimate peer pressure - the Offspring was daytime potty trained in 3 days and through the night in five. Why? Because he was going to be going to the "preschool group", rather than the "toddler group" at day care. And the preschool group DOESN'T WEAR DIAPERS, MOMMY!!!


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:48 PM
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I'm starting to think that I might want fabulous Persian carpets rather than children.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:58 PM
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Persian rugs hide poop stains very well.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 12:59 PM
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You said it -- our cheap old Persian-oid rugs hide food, poop and dog-vomit stains like you wouldn't believe. Monochromatic carpeting, on the other hand, shows everything.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:01 PM
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and poop stains really blend in on the carpets themselves as well.more people should register for Persian rugs at baby showers, actually.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:02 PM
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oh yeah. 137-139 are really going to make jm want kids, alright.
it's not just that you lose your possessions. you lose your *mind*.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:03 PM
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Yeah, my bedroom as a little kid had a Persian rug in it. I spilt all kinds of crap on it.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:04 PM
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People register for baby showers?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:04 PM
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Our very sick dog is clearly trying to please me by trying to poop on our nice persian rug instead of our hardwood floors.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:04 PM
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140: 124 is just being reinforced, really.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:05 PM
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Yeah, my bedroom as a little kid had a Persian rug in it. I spilt all kinds of crap on it.

mainly, the blood of his enemies.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:05 PM
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re: 145

Hah, I was a quiet, bookish child. Not physically brave, and not really keen on fighting.

That said, I did think about hitting people a bit.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:09 PM
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Two kids, with easy transitions in the same range as LB's as to difficulty.

Our practice and experience are weirdly convergent for people who seem to be coming from a different place so often.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:10 PM
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mainly, the blood crap of his enemies.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:17 PM
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"Okay, pooping is for porcelain containers filled with water. And here I am in the bathtub. Score!"

Some people never move on to the finer distinctions.


Posted by: ixnaythemetier | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:19 PM
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I said fabulous Persian carpets, not poop- and vomit-besmeared Persian carpets.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:19 PM
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poop- and vomit-besmeared

Those are the best kinds of Persians, though.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:20 PM
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I said fabulous Persian carpets, not poop- and vomit-besmeared Persian carpets.

Don't invite Unfogged to your house then.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:20 PM
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Oh wait, carpets?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:21 PM
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149 does not link to tubgirl, unsadly enough.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:22 PM
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I am currently at a loss for Christmas presents, as one of my Balkan friends has bought little Adolf Napoleon the exact same first world war Serbian army dagger that I had been planning to get him.

(this is a true story).


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:44 PM
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I hear you can get Bosnian ears pretty cheap, if you know where to look.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:46 PM
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Surely young Vlad Caligula needs a children's uniform to go with. The Serbians must have had some quasi-military youth organization with a belt to hang the dagger from.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:49 PM
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Caesar Robespierre doesn't need a bow and arrow?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 1:51 PM
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You could get small Gaius Montezuma a military helmet.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:03 PM
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Perhaps Chaka Geronimo could use some more civilian-type weaponry? A weighted walking stick, or a cosh?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:06 PM
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Powhatan Pinochet might want a fetching canvas shoulderbag.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:09 PM
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What the hell kind of reputation does little Genghis Cheney have, such that someone would give him a dagger for Christmas?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:09 PM
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A regicidal one?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:10 PM
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(The left-hand column of the front page has had me giggling all day.)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:10 PM
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Perhaps wee Attila Magnus would like a trip to Terezin, where he could stand in the cell where Gavrilo Princip was incarcerated and hold his dagger and feel part of history?


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:10 PM
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I don't think it's a matter of Josef Pot's reputation, ogged. What little kid wouldn't want a dagger for christmas?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:11 PM
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He likes "old fashioned" things, and first world war ephemera is quite cheap in the Balkans. He is really just the cutest, running around in his tin helmet. I'm not going to let him play with the dagger or anything, but it is a really cool thing to have.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:11 PM
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How old is Enver Pot?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:12 PM
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Temujin Attila certainly needs blowdarts and curare.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:12 PM
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I got a dagger a couple of Christmases ago.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:12 PM
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Demi-pwnd by 165!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:12 PM
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157, 167: I should have guessed he'd already have the uniform.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:13 PM
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he's five. It's good for a boy to have a hobby, and slightly irresponsible uncles.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:14 PM
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Quit pwning my genocidal dictators, w-lfs-n.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:14 PM
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CaoCao Ptolemy needs a slingshot in order to become a healthy boy.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:14 PM
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167 makes sense. Liking old-fashioned things is also a good sign.

I have a 1928 Zeiss box camera he can have, btw. Free of charge. [That's a serious offer. It's a fun thing, a small child could easily use it, and it takes reasonably available film]

http://www.pacificrimcamera.com/pp/zeiss/tengor/54.htm


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:14 PM
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If 176 interests you, drop me a line and I'll pop it in the post.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:15 PM
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I have a much younger brother. (He is now 16.) When he was 8, I gave him a pocket knife. He promptly cut himself.

Later, when my son turned 7, I gave him a pocket knife. He did not cut himself.

Moral of the story: start them young with knives and guns.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:16 PM
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He likes "old fashioned" things


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:17 PM
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re: 179

Wow, I didn't think you could get Scottish primary school chairs any more.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:18 PM
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OT:

In case you havent heard the oral arguments from the Supremes the other day:

http://www.oyez.org/cases/2000-2009/2007/2007_06_1195/argument/


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:19 PM
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I've started putting ads from Amazon on my old blog posts that attract those google searches. I'm putting ads for Playboy calendars on a post that brings in the google searchers looking for redheads. Oh, the fun that you could have with your strange google searches!


Posted by: laura | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:20 PM
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Hey, I used to read 11d!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:21 PM
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I still do!


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:22 PM
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I dont know why I stopped. Probably because it was too entertaining. I needed something that wasnt so much of a distraction.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:23 PM
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176: aww that's sweet of you, but he's actually not very good at taking care of his toys, but thanks very much.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:29 PM
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181 is really painful to listen to, but good stuff.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:33 PM
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re: 186

No problem.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 2:53 PM
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When I was Cuauhtemoc Stroessner Atatürk's age or slightly older, I really liked having old and foreign coins. And fossils, which are even more old-fashioned.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:08 PM
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When I was 7, I would have been awfully pleased to receive a Pickelhaube for my birthday, instead of some lousy Legos.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:17 PM
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Hijack Question. I need your thoughts on a craigslist employment listing. These people seem nuts, but I'm wondering whether they're nuts in a good way. I'm not sure that I can promise them a long term commitment, but I'm tempted to apply, because they sound like fun. I've got to say that I don't like job listings which don't give you the name of the employer. I'm sure that my fear is excessive, but it kind of creeps me out.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:25 PM
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Just apply assuming it could be either an online dating profile *or* a job ad! What's the worst that could happen?


Posted by: Counterfly | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:30 PM
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What's the worst that could happen?

Some creep could have my contact information.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:32 PM
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191: BG, apply! They sound like fun. Something like 10 years ago some financial services company (Morningstar?) started heavily recruiting classics majors. They even wrote an article about it that appeared somewhere. They had gotten it into their head that the kids coming out of school with business backgrounds lacked curiosity and analytical flair. They lighted on classics because they thought that someone who went that route had not only a sort of independent spirit, but also a prickly attention to detail. The financial stuff they could teach.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:33 PM
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I keep reading the post title to the tune of the Beatles tune "I Want to Tell You".

I want to screewwwww you
My head is filled with lines to say
When you're here
All my Mut just seems to slip away

When I get neeaaaar you

etc.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:34 PM
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Please email your cv along with a note about something new and interesting you have learned recently.

The potential for mentioning something from an unfogged thread seems both tempting and dangerous.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:41 PM
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Absolutely apply, BG. You will be able to differentiate if they are crazy or just eccentric in the interview. Of course, the difference between the two is if one has money, one can be seen as eccentric. The poor are just crazy.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:45 PM
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Lots of big-name people put up CL ads because they're looking for different kinds of people from those they find in their usual ways, and putting their company name in the ad would ruin the game. I'd apply, BG. (I should mention that the spa job I had--shitty though it was in some ways--was advertised as a "spa front-desk" ad without the name of the spa, could have been a happy-endings parlor for all I knew, and turned out to be the highest-end spa in NYC.)

Just finished listening to the Boumediene arguments. Fascinating stuff; thanks for the link, will!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:53 PM
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103: It really works, with two caveats:

1. The kid really does have to be ready, both physically (he can hold it) and mentally (he wants to potty train) to do it. PK fought it hard--"no! put diapers on me!" but that was b/c he was *nervous* about having accidents; he'd actually asked to learn how to use the toilet, so I nervously stuck to my guns.

2. Of *course* the kid's still going to have accidents. Apo's saying that his kid doesn't want to be interrupted was true of PK, as well; he'd hold it until it was too late, even after he was potty trained. It helps a great deal if you know that they're at this stage and can encourage/remind them when they start squirming to leave their game, go potty, and come right back--PK's || signal came in really handy here. We'd "pause" the game, go to the potty, and return. And of course, don't stick 'em in pull ups or diapers, which just makes it easier rather than harder for them to ignore the call of nature.

But yes, a couple days if the kid is ready, and patience with the fact that learning something and doing it right 100% of the time aren't exact synonyms, and you should be good. IME.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:55 PM
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I'm not a law student, but I do have an unfinished law degree. If by long-term commitment, they mean 20 years, then I can't commit that long, because I do eventually want to finish the law degree.

Would it be too strange if I took my telephone number off of my resume? And how does a CV (for a non-academic job) differ from a resume?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 3:55 PM
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If by long-term commitment, they mean 20 years

Well, you won't know until you ask. Don't overthink this. Plus no employer expects 20 year commitments anymore.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:00 PM
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What about the second question? Would it be weird if I took my telephone number off of my cv/resume?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:02 PM
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202: No. Email is direct enough these days, I would think.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:04 PM
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They probably mean 'more than three years'.


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:05 PM
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I read the post's title and thought of Van Morrison singing I Want to Roo You. That song works much better once I replaced roo with screw.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:37 PM
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205--
yup. that's the tune i heard, too.
and the phonetic confusion may not have been completely unintentional on van's part.


Posted by: kid bitzer | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:46 PM
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Totally apply, BG. Nothing to lose! If it were me, I'd keep my phone number on the resume, because I try to eliminate any reason for a potential employer to put my resume in the "NO" pile. Because it's a CL solicitation, I could see them being OK with contacting you by email, but I think the risk/reward ratio here should point you towards giving them your number.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 4:51 PM
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I concur with The Other Paul in 204. "Long term" just means they don't want someone with a built-in time clock for leaving in a year or two (or three if they're just now starting law school).

As far as the phone number, if you weren't broke I'd recommend just getting a prepaid cell phone as a second number. I don't think it's horrendously expensive even if you are broke, actually. Don't give the number to anyone else, don't make calls from the phone, and just check the voicemail regularly. When you call back you can use any phone, and just *67 if you don't want them to see your name/number.

For someone who seems to have done as much for-pleasure financial reading as you have, I'd say this was a no brainer as far as applying. Caveat: If this job description seems "nuts" to you, then you have a much more conservative notion of employment ads than I do -- and I think of myself as pretty cautious.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 9:46 PM
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I just watched the video linked to indirectly in 27. That was....umm....very....um....was that a beard sticking out of the baby bonnet?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12- 6-07 10:54 PM
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It rattled you a bit?


Posted by: Martin Wisse | Link to this comment | 12- 7-07 12:48 AM
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Shall I call a WAAAmbulance, RHC?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12- 7-07 12:50 AM
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Give it to me, baby!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 7-07 9:59 AM
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