How about the Wikipedia page for Bismillah FFS?
"He said, 'Happy Hanukkah, that's when the Jews killed Jesus,' " said Adler.
Just ridiculous. Whatever happened to "know thy enemy"?
Or, for that matter, your own ostensible faith?
Just like the pedantic Jews to quibble over inconsequential details in order to distract us from the main issue.
Should be more or less linear . . . .
The gayatollah wants one in the shape of a penis, obvs.
Or, for that matter, your own ostensible faith?
Evangelicals, I'll bet. Better-educated Christians know that the Jews killed Jesus on Good Friday.
Sigh.
Why is it always the non-Jews telling the Jews about Judaism?
Excellent point, M/tch. Jews of Unfogged, when, exactly, did you kill Jesus?
So what's the chance that we can assimilate Eid al-Adha into KwanzChristmaHanukkah?
The Wikipedia page indicates that it generally falls in the KwanzChristmaHannukka season (beginning with the ritual shopping day Black Friday and ending with the Ritual Consumption Day Dec. 25.)
We need two things to assimilate your holiday:
(1) Songs to sing at children's holiday pageants, along with the Dreidl song, a million christmas carols, and some Kwanzaa thing.
(2) An icon we can put on the court house lawn, next to the menorah, the baby Jesus, and some Kwanzaa thing.
I understand that (2) can be a problem, because you guys don't do icons. But perhaps we can put calligraphy or elaborate geometric patterns on the court house lawn? Its up to you.
9: That's rank slander. The Jews didn't kill Jesus. They contracted it out to the Romans, you bigot.
Every day I kill Jesus again. It's my little ritual in the morning. I just never got into coffee.
Not so fast Rob-- it rotates throughout the year, since the calendars are of different lengths.
But you can get medallions with arabic script Allah or some surahs or something. DJ Khaled has one on his album cover. Put one of those bad boys up in the town square and watch the fun start.
Hanukkah isn't the same time every year, either. But calendars tend not to be too out of sync with each other, because they have to track large-scale weather and agricultural phenomena.
It's my little ritual in the morning. I just never got into coffee.
And here I always thought that the blood of Christian infants was your pick-me-up. I just can't keep up with you people!
But Hannakah is on a lunar calendar, too, and we managed to snag it.
Also, we are coming for Divali.
The Wikipedia page indicates that it generally falls in the KwanzChristmaHannukka season (beginning with the ritual shopping day Black Friday and ending with the Ritual Consumption Day Dec. 25.)
Wurgh? The Islamic calendar is only 354 days long, so if it was on Xmas day one year, it would be a month earlier just three years from then.
Ramadan is sometimes in the summer, and sometimes in the winter. Like all Muslim dates. It sounds very unsatisfying to me.
And here I always thought that the blood of Christian infants was your pick-me-up.
That's special-occasion food.
17: but the Jewish calendar actually accounts for its year not being the same length as a real year, by adding an extra month every couple years to get back on track. the inscrutable Muslims have no need to associate a particular date with a particular kind of weather in that way.
Further on 14: that is, hanukkah isn't the same time every year according to the gregorian calendar. It is the same time every year according to the jewish calendar.
the same length as a real year
You are so gregoronormative.
10: Speaking of which, I was at a children's string recital the other night and it was mostly Christmas songs but they had the three Jewish students present get up and play the Dreidl song.
Man, that song is lame. The Chosen People need a new, better token song, and I don't mean this one.
This one is great, but won't work, for obvious reasons.
This one either.
"Everyone tries to blame the crucifixion on the Jews, then the Jews try to pawn it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who blame the blacks."
"Blame the wops" is a strategy to live by.
Thanks, Gonerill. I'm ashamed to admit that the page puzzled me because I couldn't just slide the image onto my desktop like I do with gif and jpg files.
The earth does take a known period of time to revolve around the sun, you know. I'm proud that the Christians managed to adopt a logical calendar, continuing our unbroken streak of accepting new astronomical concepts without controversy.
Ramadan is sometimes in the summer, and sometimes in the winter. Like all Muslim dates. It sounds very unsatisfying to me.
Totally. What if you're a Muslim living in Fairbanks, and Ramadan is in midsummer?
Lent comes just at the right time, so you can drop a few pounds in advance of swimsuit season (if you bother to fast, of course).
11: Just like the Jews to refuse to take responsibility for their own actions.
That leap year jazz is so inelegant. You want to talk about calendars that track the real year, you talk about Mayans.
I totally vote we normalize Diwali. Any holiday that includes more lighting displays = +++.
A+++. WOULD CELEBRATE THIS HOLIDAY AGAIN.
31: "+++" in terms of wasted fossil fuels, I imagine. Suburban christmas lights are already bad enough. Why do you hate Mother Earth?
Put one of those bad boys up in the town square and watch the fun start.
This sentence has now made me laugh out loud three times.
33: I live in So Cal, baby. Solar-powered outdoor lights !!!
I don't know if crucifying DJ Khaled is the right idea, FL.
You want to talk about calendars that track the real year, you talk about Mayans.
Apparently the current Mayan calendar ends on my birthday five years from now. I should probably start planning a blowout party now &mdash maybe no cleanup afterwards!
couldn't just slide the image onto my desktop like I do with gif and jpg files.
Do you want me to send you a PDF?
Caroline's school pageant had a very hard time coming up with a Kwanzaa song. They won't up singing something to the tune of twinkle twinkle, but I think they just made it up.
Of course, no one at her school actually celebrates Kwanzaa. Also, a few probably celebrate holidays like Divali and Eid, but didn't get any songs at all.
Actually our outdoor lights are not yet up. Why? Because Mr. B. is out of town and that is totally a man's job.
I did finally decorate a damn tree yesterday with PK, though. Complete with non-electricity using candles, thankyouverymuch. Now all I have to do is go buy some hooks for all the shiny bulbs and then clean up the damn ornament boxes all over the floor.
So wait.
Guys, wait.
Did anybody notice the ad on Blingdom of God?
The movie, that is the big-budget documentary, that features Ben Stein taking on the godless evolutionary biologists who built Auschwitz?
What the hell?
Can someone help me with Mac stuff? I downloaded a widget and I get the "need stuffit engine" error message. Can I fix this without paying money?
Also, the whole point of assimilating Divali is so that we can have *one* holiday where we string lights, but it is totally ambiguous which tradition the lights honor.
When I said "Romans" I was actually blaming the Catholics.
The Catholics killed Christ? Great, maybe we can stop Giuliani from being elected that way.
Can someone help me with Mac stuff? I downloaded a widget and I get the "need stuffit engine" error message. Can I fix this without paying money?
What's the widget? What's the file extension of the download?
Gonerill, that would make me pleased and ashamed at the same time, just like that night at the convention.
The stuffit expander is free, btw. You can get it here. I'm surprised to see a dashboard widget compressed with it, though.
43: Totally. If the Muslims would just get with the light stringing, we'd accept them.
45: I'll go along with that. Maybe it also means that we can start ignoring the pope.
The file name is "prayerpbasicsetup.zip." I think my colleagues will react in ways that are amusing to watch if my computer plays the adhan five times a day.
If I'm being trolled, I'll just out everyone here and have the Feds raid UnfoggDCon.
49: Jesus. Who are these crazy-ass people, and why is Ben Stein rejecting his pedantic heritage to enable them?
They'll think you're mocking Muslims—maybe even your Muslim students who visit you during office hours—and vote to deny you tenure.
People, your zip files mean nothing compared to the utter insanity of the link in 41.
Labs, you're willing to go a long way just to annoy people.
Hey, M/tch, my boyfriend appears to be working (the asshole), and Ben doesn't know the answer to this question: how would you reheat a stuffed roasted chicken without drying it out? I've stuck it in the oven on low heat covered in foil, but I'm unconvinced that this is going to actually work very well.
53: OK, then just download stuffit expander, drop the prayer thing onto it and it should uncompress the files for you to install with whatever consequences.
how would you reheat a stuffed roasted chicken without drying it out?
Boil it, duh.
why is Ben Stein rejecting his pedantic heritage to enable them?
Oh wait. Money. Duh.
Not being trolled. I'm re-downloading stuffit now.
41 provides a pretty compelling narrative, if you have forgotten who the President is.
I don't mind so much the fact that the Catholics killed Jesus, but do they have to go and flaunt the fact with all those crucifixes everywhere? Seems rather in poor taste.
how would you reheat a stuffed roasted chicken without drying it out
Bake it in a pot with a lid and add a little bit of water to the bottom. Even better if you have a rack to put the chicken on, but not necessary.
Bake it in a pot with a lid and add a little bit of water to the bottom.
Let the off-blog record show that this is the functional equivalent of something I did in fact suggest.
66 could do with at least one fewer "fact".
As for the chicken, my instinct would be to add a little broth or water (and/or maybe some onions or other high-water-content vegetable) to the bottom of the pan the chicken is in and let that steam up and help keep things moist.
Okay, I can do that easy. Thanks!
(It was stuffed with fennel already, so that should help, I hope.)
Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat wondering how the chicken turned out. And 40 minutes til Isha starts.
So when did your conversion to Islam take place, Labs?
Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat wondering how the chicken turned out.
I'm sorry to tell you that the chicken died, Fontana.
One doesn't acquire SuperKoranic Fellatio Powers by remaining an infidel, ben.
That doesn't answer my question, Mai-tai.
76: You're pregnant! Zounds and zomg!
using candles, thankyouverymuch. Now all I have to do is go buy
...batteries for the smoke alarm and a couple fire extinguishers.
Ben, we're all born Muslims, but some of us stray from the path.
That doesn't answer my question, Mai-tai.
Okay, it took place in the evening.
76: now I've got that Aerosmith song in my head.
Fuck Kwanzaa, man. I lost 20 bucks to my Dad last Christmas betting that Kwanzaa wasn't made up.
Goddamn me, that was a good fucking chicken. Mmmmmm-mm.
Labs, it's just me and PK, so there's plenty left, plus roasted fennel and mashed potatoes and I made a big pan of gravy. You're welcome for dinner.
batteries for the smoke alarm and a couple fire extinguishers.
The smoke alarm's a non issue, since you don't leave candles burning on a tree without an adult in the room, duh. But yes, there is always a fire extinguisher in the room at Xmas season.
What can I say, those Germans, they hang onto the old traditions. And it is awfully pretty.
84: All holidays are basically made up.
It is that. And PK doesn't like it, so more fennel for me!
Though that means that when we have it again for a late dinner, I'll have to make him some greens. Or some kind of vegetable. But since the entire meal is white & brown anyway, it's not like that's a bad thing.
I guess we're not allowed to mention Festivus?
I would ask an actual Muslim, but my impression is that Mohammed---who had access to plenty of reliable, leap-year corrected calendars---purposefully (or at the order of Gabriel or whatnot) designed the Islamic calendar to rotate around the seasonal calendar to avoid exactly what you might accomplish by smushing Eids together with Christakah Solstice. I.e. it would be too easy for Islamic holidays to turn into seasonal, nature-worshipping, pagan holidays if they were consistently associated with them. An unnatural rotating calendar is thus more abstract, cyclical commemoration focused totally on God.
This song needs to be part of Dc Unfogged:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2j7Jx5lRhQ
Glad to hear the meal turned out well, B.
92: Holy crap, I just downloaded that song yesterday for a planned Unfogged Xmas mix.
More holy crap: so I stopped the Back Door Santa video from playing b/c I'm trying to upload something, and said to PK, sorry about that. What? he says. I stopped the song, I say. That's okay, he says, it was kinda disturbing. Why? I ask. You know *perfectly well* why," he says.
Because that girl was doing a sexy dance to a Santa song?
Exactly, he says.
I had no idea that that shit had yet registered with him. Wow.
That's okay, he says, it was kinda disturbing. Why? I ask. You know *perfectly well* why," he says.
Your kid is going to grow up so cool, B.
Sounds like PK is due for a trip to the strip club with dad.
yea, I didnt like the video, but I love the song.
But, I am hardly to be trusted with kids. My kid played with a spare speculum when he was a kid.
You certainly are a cautious one, will, keeping a spare speculum handy, just in case the main speculum fails.
Because that girl was doing a sexy dance to a Santa song?
What, is PK worried that Santa will favor her with better gifts?
He already has, M/tch. He already has.
Will, I hadn't taken you for an Irigaray fan.
101: I bet you didn't know that divorce lawyers and gynecologists use the same instruments.
Makes sense now that you think abou.... wait, no, it doesn't at all.
91: The sarcastic me who is pretending to root for the Christmas/Hannakah/Borg collective is pissed off to hear this. But the real me is impressed with the prophet for this move.
My kid played with a spare speculum when he was a kid.
That's cool, I showed PK my vulva when he started asking about the differences between boys and girls.
Parsimon, thanks. I think he's already pretty rad.
Was that before or after you started requiring him to lick your ass?
the islamic calendar moves all around the year for another reason too, related to worldwide proseltyzing: if ramadan were always at the same time of year it would be difficult for people living in some places and easy for others. this way it sometimes falls during a hot or otherwise inconvenient time for people living everywhere. I really don't know what people living in the far northern latitudes do when ramadan falls during summer.
110: they have official sunset/sunrise times set for them. It's a problem as far south as Northern Scotland.
B, could you email me about the differences between boys and girls?
Glad to see the Blingdom of God getting wider recognition after years of being featured on the blogrolls of lesser-known blogs.
108
that is radical
it's not that i'm a prude and questioning your parenting methods, you are obviously a great parent
but it could be damaging to a child's psycho starting something like oedipus complex
just my opinion
those cartoons back several threads were great
There's a mosque right around the corner from me, and one day, when the imman started up the calls for prayers at like 6:12 in the evening, I tried to look up the schedule. Oh my goodness: no wonder Muslims were famous for their skill in mathematics. There were about five competing schools of interpretative equations, into which one is supposed to plug the latitude, angle of the sun and moon at their zeniths, etc. I have no idea which school my local imman is following, and I have no idea when the prayers will be sung. It will probably be different every day. No wonder immans are still calling believers to prayer: make the professional do the flipping equations!
114: The age at which kids typically start wondering about the difference between boys and girls is also an age at which kids are not traumatized by nudity, parental or otherwise. I wouldn't worry too much about PK's psyche -- at least not on this basis...
I wouldn't worry too much about PK's psyche -- at least not on this basis...
Right, this is just a drop in the bucket.
An/nie Sprin/kle made a name for herself showing her cervix to audiences. Healthy for society? Giggly for the guys? I had mixed responses.
The Muslim calendar isn't unnatural, just an odd solar-lunar mix. Of course, on the face of the earth the sun cycle is much more significant than the moon cycle.
I asked an Iranian guy who had lived in Alaska what an Alaskan Muslim would do if Ramadan happened at the summer equinox (the midnight sun.) He was secular and just said "There are no Muslims in Alaska", which probably is almost true.
Solstice, I meant.
Arctic Ramadan: one answer here
116
yeah, psyche, thanks, i often just invent my words
when i don't know how to say it, should refer more to dictionary
so that psycho was not "psycho" like a weirdo
i am sorry if it sounded like that
just short of psychology something
i don't know may be it is better for children to be exposed early to nudity and other sex related topix to grow up more open and uninhibited
just it's very different from my upbringing
B, could you email me about the differences between boys and girls?
Talk to Roberta about it.
but it could be damaging to a child's psycho starting something like oedipus complex
Nah. He has an Oedipus complex, but they get that anyway. And the idea that people's bodies are just bodies is a good one. Plus like DK said, he was about two--not yet worried about teh sexx.
Anyhoo, it's where they come from, they best not be all traumatized about it.
many Muslims use the sunrise/sunset times of the nearest major metropolitan area south of the circle
Man, that's gotta suck. "Quick! You've got 45 minutes to eat!"
i don't know may be it is better for children to be exposed early to nudity and other sex related topix to grow up more open and uninhibited
just it's very different from my upbringing
Oh for sure. But don't worry, I think he's okay. He didn't seem traumatized by the shower we just took, either.
a muslim living north of the arctic circle would not survive a summer Ramadan, implying that no muslim can permanently live in arctic (or antarctic) regions.
Then again, this seems like a very sensible religion indeed.
Alternately, north of the Arctic circle Muslims quickly evolve to become superhumans who can go without sleep and food.
That said, I'm off to walk to the park with PK, who points out that it's a lovely warm sunny day and we should get our butts outside. Enjoy the snow, suckers.
I showed PK my vulva
That wold explain his rigid posture in the Santa picture.
The age at which kids typically start wondering about the difference between boys and girls is also an age at which kids are not traumatized by nudity, parental or otherwise
Di is correct. If you teach them at a young age, then they are not traumatized.
My son could tell you all about fallopian tubes by the time he was 5. My son didnt have much of a choice. But, even if our circumstances werent what they were, I would have wanted him to learn about this stuff early.
Periods, tampons, reproductive issues, biology ....all of this is natural stuff. A child shouldnt learn that it is shameful, secret stuff that we giggle about.
Related to a previous discussion, I have had to empty my pockets after walking into a courthouse only to discover that I had two pink panty liners in my pocket.
130: the security guards presumably thought you were a gracious and well-prepared guest.
No more masturbating to Dan Fogelberg.
