Re: It's As If She's Already Reading

1

I hope the bpl wasn't being earnest.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 4:56 PM
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Of course she's already reading.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 4:57 PM
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"I can't stand women who aren't you". Surefire winner.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 4:58 PM
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Oh, man. It would be so incredibly great if she's reading and is gradually going to slip stuff from the archives into conversation subtly enough that Ogged can't quite be sure what she's doing. I so hope that's what's going on.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:01 PM
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"There's some nookie here for you, if you'd like it."


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:06 PM
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Hi, BPL!


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:07 PM
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I can see we're going to have to start calling you "Sherlock".


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:07 PM
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4 gets it exactly right.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:09 PM
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BPL, you mean? That (or another 'code name') might actually be a good way of making it harder for her to find this, since there'd be no reason for her to search for it.


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:12 PM
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bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:13 PM
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4: My thoughts exactly. She's toying with him, and when he's hauled off, gibbering, to the psych ward, she'll say "I guess this is good-bye... ogged."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:14 PM
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Good start, Sifu, but is there a reason you omitted the name of ogged's hometown?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:14 PM
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Of course, if she is doing this, that's evidence that she's far too good for ogged.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:17 PM
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is there a reason you omitted the name of ogged's hometown?

Bass-playing lifeguard iranian swimmer Tijuana.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:18 PM
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So anyway, since I've been dating the bass-playing Iranian lifeguard, I've started to realize the band she plays in is really good, although she sucks at the bass.

Why is ogged pretending to be me?


Posted by: Auto-banned | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:25 PM
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She's not going to google "bass-playing lifeguard"; why would she imagine that "bass-playing" would be Ogged's chosen descriptive term?

What you people need to do is get "lifeguard" "Iranian" "swim" and Ogged's city up there. Maybe not even "Iranian", since it's not intuitively obvious that that would be something Ogged would be blogging about (racists), and maybe not even "lifeguard," if she believes him that he's not writing about her (the liar). Shit, the poor woman is probably googling the man's real name or his employer or something.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:28 PM
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So, what are your pet peeves?

You told her caterpillars, right?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:30 PM
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Iranian Persian swimblog Persian swimblog Persian Persian Persian Lur

All my Persian friends refer to themselves as "Persian" rather than Iranian. On the other hand ogged isn't technically Persian, but she doesn't know that.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:31 PM
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So redacted.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:35 PM
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On the other hand ogged isn't technically Persian, but she doesn't know that.

Assumes facts not in evidence. For all we know, she could have been lurking for years, biding her time before springing her trap. Feminine wiles, and all that.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:39 PM
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Lur lur lur lur lur kidney cancer kidney cancer kidney cancer breaststroke breaststroke breaststroke


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:40 PM
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It would be so incredibly great if she's reading and is gradually going to slip stuff from the archives into conversation subtly enough that Ogged can't quite be sure what she's doing. I so hope that's what's going on.

Yeah, that'd be great and all. But isn't the most parsimonious explanation that the statistically most probable pet peeves of thirty-something Bay Area professionals who wear overpriced dark-toned clothing and drive BMWs are Asian drivers and dirty hippies?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:41 PM
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Of course Ogged has no pet peeves. His peeves are raised for show. Thus the blog.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:43 PM
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All my Persian friends refer to themselves as "Persian" rather than Iranian.

Ogged is not a fan of people who do this.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:44 PM
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I think you all are overlooking the obvious. bpl is trying to plant search terms on the blog in order to track it down. So far, though, no luck.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:53 PM
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Of course Ogged has no pet peeves. His peeves are raised for show.

Awesome.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:57 PM
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22: Ooh, burn.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 5:58 PM
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25: Good one. 'BPL needs fresh water.'


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:01 PM
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drive BMWs

Racist.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:02 PM
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Oh, true. I don't think Ogged drives a BMW.

I'm pretty sure it's a Hummer or an Escalade or something like that.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:06 PM
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The Drakkar Noir-mobile?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:17 PM
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Archives, people. Archives. It's required reading.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:19 PM
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I am with Bitch. I picture Ogged driving an Escalade.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:20 PM
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Lur lur lur lur lur kidney cancer kidney cancer kidney cancer breaststroke breaststroke breaststroke

malkovitch malkovitch malkovitch


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:21 PM
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Stanley:

I drive a 4 door v6 Honda Accord. There is no way that Ogged and I drive the same kind of car.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:22 PM
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Deliberate forgetfulness is the soul of... of... of something, Stanley.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:22 PM
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35: You're right, Will. The Accord thing is probably just another smokescreen from the O-man.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:25 PM
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It would be so incredibly great if she's reading and is gradually going to slip stuff from the archives into conversation subtly enough that Ogged can't quite be sure what she's doing. I so hope that's what's going on.

If this is in fact the case, they should just get married now.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:26 PM
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31: The Drakkar Noir-mobile?

That's some cold shit.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:27 PM
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37:

No doubt. You don't buy custom made shirts and pants and drive an Accord.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:29 PM
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That's some cold shit.

I think you mean "cool."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:29 PM
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The Drakkar Noir-mobile?

O HAI KARATE


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:30 PM
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You don't buy custom made shirts and pants and drive an Accord.

Honey, I have (on very rare occasions) bought custom made clothing, and I used to drive a 15 year old Subaru wagon with a mismatched hood, for chrissakes.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:31 PM
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Honey,

An increasingly common tic from Dr B, I've noticed. A sure sign of something or other.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:32 PM
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I used to drive a 15 year old Subaru wagon with a mismatched hood

Funny, I didn't know that you were a lesbian.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:34 PM
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If 45.2 were correct, 45.1 would read:
I used to driveride a 1525 year old Subaru wagonsuburban with a mismatchedpierced hood


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 6:49 PM
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Oh, good. She sorta gets you, sorta. That's good. Uh, good.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:01 PM
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It would be even more awesome if BPL showed up in a comment thread.

Have you described the blog to her at all, even vaguely? Like, "oh, it's about everything, but most of the action is in the comment threads" or something?

That would narrow the field for her. I'll bet she is reading you. It didn't take long for people at my school to figure out who I was, or for my boyfriend to find my blog, despite me saying hardly anything about it.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:25 PM
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"It started as a political site, but sometimes people will post about what's on their mind. So if someone is buying a house, they might post about mortgages."

I'm a genius.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:32 PM
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"... but most of the action is in the comment threads"

IYKWIMAITYD.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:34 PM
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An increasingly common tic from Dr B, I've noticed. A sure sign of something or other.

A sure sign of eye rolling.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:35 PM
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That's pretty good, Ogged.

What is the Unfoggedtariat's thoughts on when to tell your SO the actual URL? A few months into dating?

I didn't, but then again there are not too many blogging female graduate law students who do employment discrimination law and who are non Federalist Society federalism scholars (e.g. commie). So I think a quick google search took care of me. That said, my boyfriend was very sweet and said that he wasn't reading the blog out of respect for the "information asymmetry" of being able to learn everything about me in 2 days of reading and me not being able to catch up.

But since my blog is mostly boring, I gave him leave to read the blog. But we've been dating a few months and by now he knows all the superficial stuff I put up.

If he read the Unfogged threads, however, I'd be in trouble.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:39 PM
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53

41: I'm practising my eye roll right now. Underrated gesture really, I've been too hard on it.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:39 PM
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54

53 before I saw 51. Huh.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:40 PM
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If he read the Unfogged threads, however, I'd be in trouble.

When someone conceals Unfogged from the SO, is it called "pulling a Knecht" or "pulling a Brock"?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:43 PM
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Knocking a Brecht.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:44 PM
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That's good. I was trying to work something with Brocknecht Mountain.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:46 PM
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53: Toldja.

"Honey" is more a raised-eyebrow thing than a rolling eyeball thing. FWIW.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:47 PM
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And is concealing a serious medical condition from the SO "pulling a Brock" or "pulling a(n) SEK"?


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:48 PM
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Knocking a Brecht.

"I should have told my wife how I really felt about Mother Courage. She was really upset when she found out."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:49 PM
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Actually, that answers both questions: "Pulling a Brock" would be ambiguous between "concealing Unfogged" and "concealing illness", so it has to be "pulling a Knecht" and "pulling a(n) SEK". Sorry, Brock.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:50 PM
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"Brocknecht Mountain" is too good to be abandoned so swiftly, o-man.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:50 PM
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out of respect for the "information asymmetry"

Law and Economics must die.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:50 PM
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||

This seemed like something Apo and Ogged would like, so I link it here for their amusement.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 7:59 PM
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65

Really, though, this becomes something like a highly constructed, or just artificially goosed, issue: the woman doesn't care about the blog, sounds like. Either leave it alone or tell her; is it really a soap opera?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:00 PM
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64: Smoothie!


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:02 PM
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Really, though, this becomes something like a highly constructed, or just artificially goosed, issue

A sort of... running gag, if you will.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:03 PM
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65: Don't you realize yet that Ogged is a monkey, dancing for us all?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:03 PM
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Damn you, foxy.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:04 PM
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67 and 68 were complementary, not redundant!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:05 PM
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I'm sick.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:05 PM
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The boston public library is always already reading.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:06 PM
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Poor me.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:08 PM
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Aw, heebie. I'm sorry. Tell us about it.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:09 PM
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Well, Jesus, I'm not going to lie to you. There's a whole lot of snot. And lots of feelings of self-pity.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:11 PM
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Aww, Heebie. Getting sick at the end of the semester/just before Xmas fucking sucks. Especially up in cold, cold Wisconsin.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:13 PM
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Your snot or someone else's?


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:13 PM
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And if it's someone else's, could you get them to make you a hot toddy?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:15 PM
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Mostly mine. This morning I sneezed and a big hunk landed in my Emergen-C fizzy placebo drink.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:16 PM
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It's snot! It's snot all over my face!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:16 PM
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79: Mmm! It's snot in my drink!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:17 PM
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my Emergen-C fizzy placebo drink.

This is my placebo drink of choice as well. Great Linus-Pauling-Madness stuff.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:17 PM
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It's everywhere! I have problematically explosive sneezes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:18 PM
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84

Fess up. Did you drink it anyway?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:19 PM
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It's snot everywhere! Oh no wait, yes it is!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:19 PM
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Fess up. Did you drink it anyway?

Before I answer this, I need to know that I'll still be liked and accepted, no matter the answer.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:21 PM
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That's okay, heebie. You were sick. You couldn't help yourself. I'd have done it too.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:22 PM
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Oh man, that's just gross. GROSS.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:23 PM
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Fess up. Did you drink it anyway?

Good liberals are supposed to recycle.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:24 PM
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Honey, I have (on very rare occasions) drank my own snot, and I used to drive a 15 year old Subaru wagon with a mismatched hood, for chrissakes.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:26 PM
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Aieeee. Poor Heebie.

I drive the 4 door V6 Honda Accord, and own that blender shaped baby bath. (Without the blender like base. It just sits on the floor. I won't be able to look at it again without thinking blender.)

I so hope she's reading the archives.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:26 PM
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92

Who is the world leader in greenscreen technology?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:27 PM
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90: Well that's just disgusting. Also, it makes no sense whatsoever.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:27 PM
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Oh yuck! Redact 84 on from my brain!


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:29 PM
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Honey, I have (on very rare occasions) made no sense whatsoever, and I used to drive a 15 year old Subaru wagon with a mismatched hood, for chrissakes.

I'll stop now.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:31 PM
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Snot thread! Yay!

Sometimes when a baby is really stuffed up, the kindest thing a parent can do is suck the stuff out. I'm not saying I've done this.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:33 PM
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For Heebie-geebie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUwTdqPkluY
be well soon
if i were you i wouldn't drink


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:33 PM
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Sometimes when a baby is really stuffed up, the kindest thing a parent can do is suck the stuff out.

You live in a first world country. There's tools for that kind of thing.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:34 PM
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Sometimes when a baby is really stuffed up, the kindest thing a parent can do is suck the stuff out.

Buy a little nasal bulb, ffs. They cost about two bucks.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:35 PM
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Sometimes when a baby is really stuffed up, the kindest thing a parent can do is put it out of its misery.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:36 PM
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What gswift said. Jesus, there are *limits* to the admirable things about the PacNW, and the sort of hippie-slash-devoted-parent activity you mention is one of them.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:36 PM
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There's tools for that kind of thing.

But they're crap. And they're not always at hand. Just saying.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:36 PM
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96: All this time I've just had vague reasons for not wanting a kid. Now I have an extremely clear picture of why I don't want a kid.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:37 PM
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97: Aw, thanks read! That's very sweet.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:38 PM
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December 18, 2007. The night I grossed out the Mineshaft.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:38 PM
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Jesus, seriously. You are crazy.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:39 PM
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Okay, I'll admit it. I didn't do it. My brother did.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:40 PM
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Sometimes when a baby is really stuffed up, the kindest thing a parent can do is suck the stuff out. I'm not saying I've done this.

Actually, my dad is right here. I'll inform him at once.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:40 PM
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92: Mucusfilm


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:40 PM
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they're not always at hand

That's what 24 hour pharmacies are for.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:41 PM
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An awful lot of Four-door Hondas in this crowd; the number self-identified in the link has to be added, not only to those coming forward now, but another thread, with still more, where after my Honda confession, Apo commented "Is everybody on this blog an Iranian?"


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:41 PM
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Actually, my dad is right here. I'll inform him at once.

Guffaw. I'll admit it. You all don't get me to do that often.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:43 PM
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That's what 24 hour pharmacies are for.

It was out in the middle of nowhere. Heaven help you people when your children discover that your love is conditional.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:47 PM
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I am not particularly squeamish about phlegm. I'll side with Jesus and his brother on this one (and not even just because that was so much fun to type).


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:49 PM
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No, Jesus is not crazy. He's absoloutely correct, and those rubber syringes don't work. At the time I thought, 'I will never tell another soul about this'. Then right away I thought 'not even Unfogged? No, not even Unfogged'.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:51 PM
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Heaven help you people when your children discover that your love is conditional.

I spent *years* wiping that kid's ass for him. Ain't nothing conditional about it. But like Gswift said, this is America. You buy a bulb and keep it around, man.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:51 PM
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See? In America we don't do that shit. The crazy Brits apparently do, but they also bathe their babies in blenders.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:52 PM
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Listen to Foxytail and Penny, people. And those bulb thingies suck. In their insufficient suction, that is.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:54 PM
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The thought of snot-sucking made me quite literally retch. I hate you all.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:54 PM
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I used them, and my child is still alive.

Also, I just said to PK, "some babies, when they have colds? Their parents put their mouths over the babies nose, and suck the snot out with their mouth."

PK says, "BLECH."

I don't think he's gonna hate me for never doing that for him.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:55 PM
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121

Cala, so when are you going to have a baby????


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:56 PM
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"Snot the same as might, " Jesus' brother thought as he slurped up the last bit of green slime, wondering deep down if he needed an apostrophe on that first word or not.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:58 PM
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might s/b mine


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 8:58 PM
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Well, there's this , which despite being sold by "The Safety Store" has lawsuit written all over it.

Imagining PK's face is cracking me up.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:04 PM
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121: shivbunny says I can't have one till I have a PhD.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:05 PM
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"Sometimes babies, when they shit? Their parents have to wipe the shit off them and sometimes the shit is really runny and the baby gets shit all over the parent."

"BLECH."


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:07 PM
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124:

The Baby Vac Nasal Aspirator helps to remove the nasal secretion of babies and toddlers nose with the help of any household vacuum cleaner.

Holy crap, now that's insane.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:08 PM
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I'm sure you could accidentally suck the baby's brains out.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:11 PM
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The ancient Egyptians used the baby nasal vac to prepare the body for mummification. I'm sure I read that.

A woman behind me at a meditation retreat had some kind of loud snot problem. I had 2 weeks of fantasizing how to get rid of it / how to kill her. The theme of the retreat was " how to live compassionately with shit that bugs you" or something like that. It was very good practice.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:17 PM
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125: That's very responsible of him.

126: Actually, there's a great PK story about that. Mr. B. was headed out, baby in arms, to get something for me at the store (I was sick, okay?). He walked to the little coop in his slippers (ah how I miss Seattle) and on the way back he stepped in dog crap. He bent down to take his slipper off and wipe it on the grass, and got it on his hand. So then he has to pick up the grocery bag with the same arm that's holding the baby while keeping his other hand sort of held out from his body (Mr. B. has poop issues).

PK says at some point, in one of those baby-asking-a-simple-question-of-fact voices, "Papa, you have poop on your hand?"


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:18 PM
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I'm sure you could accidentally suck the baby's brains out.

Not to mention the weirdo associations you'd be creating. John Locke would be horrified.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:19 PM
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129: Oh lord. I'm hopelessly intolerantof other people's body noises. Like chewing or mouth-breathing. Just reading your comment made me tense up.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:19 PM
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Heaven help you people when your children discover that your love is conditional.

Well, in that case Heaven help you when your children discover you're too cheap to by simple medical devices.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:20 PM
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Zombie babies!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:22 PM
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Me: "PK, do you love me less because I never sucked the snot out of your nose with my mouth?"

PK: "No."

Mr. B.: "I did that all the time."

Me: "YOU DID?!?!?!"


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:23 PM
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So awesome.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:24 PM
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The thought of snot-sucking made me quite literally retch. I hate you all.

You'll look fondly back on this comment if you're ever up to your elbows in baby poop and vomit, assuming it's your baby. Except you won't, because you'll be too tired.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:25 PM
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136: *You* can afford to laugh. I'm never ever kissing the man again.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:25 PM
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Youse is all such delicate flowers. Whatever comes out of a baby (whether snots or poops or whatever) is hardly worth noticing, and certainly nothing to get upset about. You can learn to deal with it one-handed, while simultaneously reading the New Yorker or trolling the internets or whatever strikes your fancy.

The diaper-free movement is another story. I freely admit that I am not a good enough mother to be effortlessly and intuitively in touch with my child's bowel movements.


Posted by: Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:26 PM
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Jesus FTW!


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:26 PM
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All right Mr. B! PK, put Mr. B in the nice rest home.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:27 PM
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This is a man with poop issues? Surprising.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:28 PM
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I know, it's weird. You have to keep in mind he's German, and was toilet-trained by Germans.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:29 PM
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Dude, I'm okay with poop. I've taken care of babies. I can clean up snot. But we invented tools, dammit.

But I do worry about vomit. Everytime I've been around someone who has been ill and throwing up, the sound and the bile smell get me. I understand, however, that the vomitless-child upgrade is prohibitively expensive and only in beta testing.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:30 PM
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Ok, I'm confessing to having done the diaper free thing, and it's worked out really well, but I have to get off this thread and go to bed so I can't say more about it, except that it's one of those things that's both environmentally great and relies on a lot of extra (usually female) unpaid labour. So I'm of two minds about it. Goodnight y'all.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:33 PM
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But I do worry about vomit.

Kid vomit pre-solids is really just spit-up most of the time and even in large quantities is not gross. This is especially true if the kid is nursing rather than eating formula.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:35 PM
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144: I worried about vomit too, because I cannot *stand* to either throw up myself or be around someone else who is throwing up. Trust me, when it's your kid, the "poor thing!" part of your brain completely overrides the "omg I'm gonna hurl" part.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:35 PM
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Yeah, don't worry about the vomit. It wasn't until ours were toddlers that it got nasty (but then, the smell, good God).


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:39 PM
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See, even now, when PK's throwing up I'm more concerned about him than the puke. Which trust me, is *completely* bizarre.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:42 PM
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147: The fine princess can't stand to have people throw up on her. La-dee-da. We'll have to make special provisions for her royal highness, I suppose.

My piemaking s-i-l reports from her waitress experience that St. Patrick's day is the most wonderful time of the year for normal people who appreciate the joys of puke. People who don't need to be protected from the hard realities of life.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:44 PM
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Spit up is not vomit, though it is proof that babies aren't designed properly and up to code.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:45 PM
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Oh for this to be the thread BPL finds; it's just getting better and better.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:47 PM
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Now that the thread's all about babies, I read the post title momentarily as being about one.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:47 PM
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Spit up is not vomit, though it is proof that babies aren't designed properly and up to code.

Babies are not designed properly. Though if they gestated as long as they really need to, other design problems would become even more pressing than they already are.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:48 PM
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shivbunny says I can't have one till I have a PhD

I'm sure you can figure it out with your current education.


Posted by: NĂ¡pi | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:49 PM
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When my now 18YO brother was of high-chair age, he stuck a bunch of peas up his nose and my parents couldn't get them out. They tried the bulb thingie but it wasn't working so my father freaked out and tried to suck them out with his mouth, getting a mouth full of snot. That didn't work so he called our health insurance's "Ask A Nurse" help line and explained what happened and the nurse thought he must be a prank caller and hung up on him. Dumbfounded by being called a liar, they took him to the ER where they used some megavac to get them out.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:50 PM
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154: Look, don't be blaming us that you insisted you needed this rush order in nine months.

Babies are neat, but mostly because it's fun watching someone try so hard to figure out what her hand does.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:51 PM
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Spray saline up a clogged baby's nose to loosen it up, then suck. There's a version of the vacuum attachment that you suck with your mouth instead of a machine, it works better than a bulb and without the fear of lobotomy.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 9:56 PM
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Though if they gestated as long as they really need to, other design problems would become even more pressing than they already are.

For example: if babies gestated as long as they really need to, we could no longer walk upright. But I guess we'd still have our opposeable thumbs?


Posted by: Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:00 PM
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Oh lord. I'm hopelessly intolerantof other people's body noises. Like chewing or mouth-breathing.

My wife is totally that way. When I'm around the house and such, I'm kind of a loud eater, especially if it's something I really enjoy. Drives her nuts.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:00 PM
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Babies are neat, but mostly because it's fun watching someone try so hard to figure out what her hand does.

much the same joy can be had by watching newborn llamas try to figure out what their legs do. well, a similar joy, because you can see them learn over the course of an hour or so.


Posted by: water moccasin | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:04 PM
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150: Vomiting tip: Some of the nastier aspects of vomit(ing) (yours, your kid's, other people's) can be noticeably improved by the addition of a recently-eaten banana. (Timing it right can be tricky, although in certain circumstances it triggers the act.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:12 PM
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For example: if babies gestated as long as they really need to, we could no longer walk upright

This is making me laugh hysterically. Good night.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:13 PM
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156: I did something similar when I was a kid. We were visiting the Netherlands, and I managed to get this tiny little Dutch coin stuck up my nose. My folks were freaking out, trying to get the thing out, and finally they ended up taking me to the ER. When they finally got to see a doctor, he yanked the thing out with a pair of forceps. Apparently this was not an uncommon occurrence.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:15 PM
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Toddlers and the things they stuff up their noses. I was told by a physician (and she herself had used it on my niece) that you can also lightly blow into the kid's mouth to apply some back pressure. The item popped right out. It did freak out my German BiL.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:53 PM
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Could be a thread all of it's own. "What did you stuff up your nose as a kid?" Bonus points for a trip to the doctor.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:55 PM
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I stuffed misplaced apostrophes up my nose, which is why I abominate them so much now.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 10:57 PM
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I stuffed misplaced apostrophers up my nose [redacted], which is why I abominate them so much now.

Fixed.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-18-07 11:18 PM
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Babies are LSD is neat, but mostly because it's fun watching someone try so hard to figure out what her hand does.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 12:18 AM
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No lie, but I once saw a (strange to me) woman sucking the snot out of her baby's nose, which was indeed not a moment to be treasured forever.

It squicked me the fuck out, man.


Posted by: Martin Wisse | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 1:30 AM
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Incidentally, guess what the 4th google return for "1r/an/1a/n 6/ay ar/3a l1/fe/gu/ard 5/wi/mm/in/g 6l/og" is? Not a good thread, either.

Careful, folks.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 1:52 AM
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171: Heh. All of these conversations are reminding me of a cat trying to hide behind a piece of furniture with its tail sticking out. It's not as if we can make the blog's archives less weird now.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 6:09 AM
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malkovitch malkovitch malkovitch

this made me think of a reality in which we're all the crazy voices gibbering in ogged's head.


Posted by: spaz | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 7:11 AM
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A woman behind me at a meditation retreat had some kind of loud snot problem.

Ha, I had a woman behind me weep for 2 weeks. Between the vow of silence and the fact that she was Nepali, I couldn't even ask her why. I don't really remember it bothering me, but I'm not sure if that's just good editing.

Ok, I'm confessing to having done the diaper free thing

As in never used a diaper? Not even a cloth one? I don't know if I'm more disturbed that you did this, or that enough people do it that you can refer to it as a 'thing'.


Posted by: spaz | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 7:17 AM
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171: Fourth google return? It's at the top of the page for me.


Posted by: new name | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 7:48 AM
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61: Actually, that answers both questions: "Pulling a Brock" would be ambiguous between "concealing Unfogged" and "concealing illness", so it has to be "pulling a Knecht" and "pulling a(n) SEK". Sorry, Brock.

Forgive me for interrupting the dozens of snot stories to return to something so far upthread, but in the latter case wouldn't it be more efficient to define acephalous as a verb, as in "It was remarkable that SEK could acephalous throughout his chemotherapy."


Posted by: hermit greg | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 8:06 AM
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173: it took you this long to figure that out?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 8:09 AM
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"some babies, when they have colds? Their parents put their mouths over the babies nose, and suck the snot out with their mouth."

"babies" s/b "roosters"

This is one way bird flu gets into the human population, from people doing this to get their cockfighting birds into fighting form.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 8:19 AM
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175. Well then. Some fine crawlers in there.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 10:15 AM
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Roosters have mucus? Unfogged is amazing.

As in never used a diaper? Not even a cloth one? I don't know if I'm more disturbed that you did this, or that enough people do it that you can refer to it as a 'thing'.

Diaper free is kind of a misnomer. Unless you're in the tropics the kid will probably be wearing something; a diaper or pants or split-crotch pants, or something to catch the occasional pee or poop. But you're offering the baby regular opportunities to pee or poop in an appropriate place; a pot or the toilet or outside or whatever, and usually that's where the baby goes. This is how most people in the world still do it. It's surprisingly easy. I took to it because I suck at diapering.

I don't tell many people about it IRL because I don't want to get hassled, but when people notice I'm surprised how many say, "oh, that's how my grandmother/greatgrandmother/family back home/used to do it. (This from my Chilean neighbour, my friend from Jamaica, my Obgyn from India, my elderly friend from Glasgow, and a friend from a farm family in Ontario.)

When you think that a small baby can pee or poop every 20 minutes, you can see most people in the world aren't set up for that kind of laundry commitment.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 11:32 AM
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That's how they do it in Samoa. But it's easier there -- most floors are concrete, covered by cheap and frequently replaced straw mats, and everyone spends a lot of time outdoors.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 11:35 AM
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I forgot the cool part - when you notice the baby peeing, you make a sound, (usually a hiss). Then later, you hold the baby over the place where they pee, ask them if they have to go, then make the same cue sound - the baby totally gets it! Even when their eyes can't focus yet. This increased my respect for babies and what they can do. Later the baby can make the cue sound to let you know they have to go.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 11:46 AM
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181: Yes, that would be a lot easier. It was hard to figure out how to keep the kid warm (wool pants, ultimately). And I think the job of peeing the baby is usually taken on by older sisters and grandmas. It's a bit much for one person.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 11:52 AM
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28: We're attacking midway? Awesome.


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 12:12 PM
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We're attacking midway?

Yes, the Yorktown is still in drydock. We can't fail!


Posted by: Admiral Yamamoto | Link to this comment | 12-19-07 12:19 PM
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184: Midway, Ogged's chances of escaping the auto-cockblock, take your pick.


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 2:22 AM
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28: in intelligence slang, the tactic of putting visibly-actionable intelligence into a conduit in order to detect leaks is known as a "barium meal".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 4:02 AM
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Though if intelligence were closer to this site in tone it would almost certainly be called a "barium enema".


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 4:03 AM
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Wow, that's a pretty vivid image, no matter which end of the GI tract the barium's being introduced from (I, too, would vote for the southern end, at least if we're talking about mineshaft-dwelling spies.)


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 5:52 AM
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Ah, but with friends like these, Paul, who needs enemas?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 6:38 AM
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Ouch.


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 6:49 AM
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