Re: Put Him Down

1

I don't believe you. The boy's line is a little too similar to one we've heard before.

Any indication that this could have been Friedman's taxi driver or ogged's swimming mate?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:10 PM
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2

Dogs wrongfully denied bacon.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:10 PM
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3

And then he'll open a dog rescue. Sister, please.

I have no idea what he could be meaning, either. Probably, " 'ooty?"


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:11 PM
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4

Someone saw The Advocate too many times.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:18 PM
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5

Don't knock the mental whateverness! If you got it, you got it!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:20 PM
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6

Gary Francione at Rutgers started the Animal Rights Law Clinic there -- but that isn't really a "firm helping needy helpless animals."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:21 PM
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7

Coyote v. Acme.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:24 PM
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8

Maybe he'll be the successor to Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:26 PM
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9

A different approach, overheard from another first date: "Your brother is thinking of law school but is wondering if it's worth applying? Well your brother is a white American guy, so he's right to wonder. I mean, I am a white American guy and I got into law school, but still."


Posted by: destroyer | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:26 PM
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10

8: HA HA HA. Loins!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:27 PM
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11

I think the moral here is clearly "don't date law students."


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:28 PM
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12

He'll want to read up closely on this book.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:29 PM
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13

Some of my best friends are lawyers!

Worth pointing out that I didn't date them, maybe.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:29 PM
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14

Well the one nice thing about representing animals is that you don't have to keep reminding them to assert their right to silence...


Posted by: McKingford | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:36 PM
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15

Any clarification on tone? Could be a good joke if deadpanned properly.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:37 PM
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14: The drawback being that, as your clients, it's unethical to fuck them.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:44 PM
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17

I swear to god I know who this is. A guy I knew left Austin to go to law school at William and Mary, and currently should be in his second year. He was stupidly, aggravatingly over the top about animal rights. Bemoaning the poor vegetables we eat. Wanting to go to law school to save the animals. And yet, he also was an unreformable gigolo who hit on every girl who walked by.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:54 PM
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18

Ask the Mineshaft:

I recently was talking to the daughter of my mother's first fiance. World War II made their marriage impossible, and each of them married someone else and had several children, including me and the woman I was talking to.

Our problem is that if our parents had married each other as they had originally planned, neither one of us would ever have been born. That was a sort of Zen revelation, but then we also realized that without Hitler we wouldn't exist, and that the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror.

Our question is, WTF?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:57 PM
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the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror

This is the bit that doesn't follow from the rest.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:58 PM
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20

17: I suppose the question then is, what was Becks doing in Williamsburg today?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:59 PM
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the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror

Fixed?


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 8:59 PM
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22

18: If my maternal grandfather hadn't died when he did, my parents wouldn't have met and I would never have been born. Not quite as world-historical, but the same sort of thing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:00 PM
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23

20: Maybe she went on a field trip?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:01 PM
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24

If my parents hadn't had sex, I wouldn't be commenting right here, right now.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:02 PM
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25

I hope this line is on the first-day handouts in some pick-up artist's class. It's sheer genius.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:03 PM
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26

Ugh, Heebie, no one wants to think about your parents having sex.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:03 PM
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24: What would you be doing instead?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:03 PM
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To address some of your comments: yes, this is laughably similar to the dog rescue guy, which is one of the reasons I thought it was so hilarious.

And I doubt he's some crazy animal rights type. He was eating meat.

And he seemed earnest to the point that he really meant it if it would get him laid.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:04 PM
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without Hitler we wouldn't exist

This line is true of pretty much the entire modern world. In the parents-hook-up sense, it's got to be true of tens if not hundreds of millions of people -- most of the people born in the state of Israel since the 40s, to start with. Russia and Germany were also a little disrupted by the war.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:05 PM
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30

He was eating meat.

High-larious.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:06 PM
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31

26: Speak for yourself.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:08 PM
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32

After he burns out defending the poor, tired, and huddled mastiffs, he'll go into estate law.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:08 PM
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33

And I doubt he's some crazy animal rights type. He was eating meat.

Then it is not the guy I know. Who once lamented not being able to live off dirt and minerals, because of the poor plants. I swear to god, he was sincere.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:08 PM
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24: What would you be doing instead?

Sexing my parents!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:09 PM
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It just make me feel creepy to think that I'm sort of like the invasion of Poland etc. Jonah Goldberg is getting to me, I think.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:10 PM
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lamented not being able to live off dirt and minerals

He should have tried all the same.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:13 PM
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There are religious cultists who only eat fruit and nuts that fall naturally from trees.

As if that would erase the stigma of being an outcome of fascism. One of the less-horrible outcomes, to be sure, but nonetheless. Not eating meat wouldn't help much, really.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:13 PM
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If my parents hadn't had sex, I wouldn't be commenting right here, right now.

No, you could have been born from a toilet seat or a swimming pool.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:15 PM
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39

Breatharians are awesome.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:16 PM
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40

I worked for a judge when I was a law student, and we had a case about whether rats, mice and birds were covered by the Federal Laboratory Animal Welfare Act: the key question is whether they are "animals." But the threshold question was whether an advocacy group had standing to sue. My judge said yes, 760 F. Supp. 923, but the circuit said no. 23 F.3d 496.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:17 PM
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41

I can go for months and months without having anything at all other than a cup of tea.

That may be the weirdest crackpot statement I've ever seen. What's with the tea exemption?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:20 PM
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42

I want to work at Goldman Sachs, I'm thinking of getting into kitten futures maybe.

Maybe some day I'd like to do portfolio management for high-net-worth puppies or songbirds.

It's no big deal or anything, I guess maybe I'm just sensitive like that.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:24 PM
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43

Several interviewers found her house full of food, but she claimed the food was for her husband.

Ha!


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:24 PM
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44

For your amusement, A Bit of Fry & Laurie a la Uri Geller.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:25 PM
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45

That district court opinion (the first link in 40) is funny to read -- I wrote it coming out the other way first.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:26 PM
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46

If rats and mice are not animals, our utility setoff orgasms will become invalid. I believe that we should join the case.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:46 PM
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47

And yet, he also was an unreformable gigolo who hit on every girl who walked by.

"Hey beautiful, wanna buy me a suit?"


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 01-20-08 9:47 PM
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18: surely the two of you should have babies, thus recombining the energy streams or something. If a strange kid suddenly arrives in the neighbourhood, making all sorts of pop culture references that don't seem to make any sense with a wry, off-hand air, and seemingly aware of major local news events before they happen, then you should definitely do this.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 1:53 AM
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He could get a job in West Hollywood, where we are no longer "pet owners" - we are now "animal guardians". I'm waiting for it to become a crime to forget to water one's houseplants.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 2:55 AM
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50

I'm not sure she has a uterus any more.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 5:48 AM
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51

You have to question her judgment if she is dating a law student.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 6:07 AM
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52

Maybe some day I'd like to do portfolio management for high-net-worth puppies or songbirds.

Here is a potential client for you.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 7:36 AM
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53

42 is completely hilarious.

the key question is whether they are "animals."

What were they supposed to be? Rocks?

If I were smarter I'd be able to come up with a joke involving "Roc."


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 7:44 AM
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54

52: I was thinking of something a bit more adorable, maybe with bigger and rounder and more soulful eyes.

But thanks anyway I suppose.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 7:46 AM
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55

With all the dogs and cats living together these days, maybe he should practice divorce law.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 7:55 AM
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56

55: OT, but you reminded me of a joke:

A married couple are having a fight in bar. As they loudly bicker at one another, a gay man sitting a few seats down from them leans over to his partner and whispers, "I told you these mixed marriages never work out."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 8:00 AM
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54: I was thinking of something a bit more adorable, maybe with bigger and rounder and more soulful eyes tits.

Fixed. (So to speak.)


Posted by: John Fitzgerald Horndog | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 8:01 AM
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32: After he burns out defending the poor, tired, and huddled mastiffs, he'll go into estate law.

Maybe he could help with the clause I have to draft for a will, wherein our client wants to leave money for the maintenance of his ex-wife's dog. My trusty precedents are not helping me on this one.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 9:55 AM
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59

I suspect that if he was intending to open anything, it was the thighs of the girl sitting opposite him...


Posted by: Cheeses of Nazareth | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 10:42 AM
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42 wins the thread. Everybody knows I-banking is better than law anyway.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 10:43 AM
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58: I thought that pets weren't allowed to be beneficiaries of trusts, since they're not persons.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 01-21-08 2:43 PM
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