Re: Ready

1

Seriously, you think a gay president will happen before a human-animal hybrid president?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:32 AM
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MANIMAL!


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:34 AM
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3

Can't we rule out foreign born right off the bat? And Becks has slighted robots, for some reason.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:34 AM
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4

Is America ready to spend four years without a president?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:35 AM
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5

3. Robots would be assembled in Korea, and therefore foreign born.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:35 AM
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6

I, President Robot. Sweet. "I can't feel your pain, exactly, but I can act in functionally identical ways."


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:36 AM
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7

Is America ready for a Chinese Governor General?


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:37 AM
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8

President Executron is merely playing to his "kill all humans" base.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:38 AM
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9

Is America ready to spend four years without a president?

FUCK YES.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:39 AM
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10

MANDOM!


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:40 AM
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11

6: I heart FL so, so much.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:41 AM
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12

I'd bet that we've already had a gay president. It's the first out president that we're waiting for. For sure we've had a gay first lady, right (E. Roosevelt)? What are the chances that could happen today? This is what happens when the press shares things with the rabble.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:41 AM
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13

John McCain was born in Panama, so a foreign-born president might not be far off. It's worth remembering that to be president you have to be a natural-born citizen. You don't have to be born in the United States.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:42 AM
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Is America ready for a Chinese Governor General?

He will retain the formal title of Ambassador out of courtesy, like the British Ambassador to Egypt in the early 20th century. In fact, he's probably already in post.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:43 AM
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15

I'd bet that we've already had a gay president.

Lincoln!


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:43 AM
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16

Also J. Buchanan was quite possibly gay, although obviously closeted if so.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:43 AM
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My research on intercrural intercourse certainly dug up a lot on Abraham "I'll keep the Union and my thighs tightly united" Lincoln.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:43 AM
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18

I included foreign-born because I wouldn't be surprised to see a Constitutional amendment to get rid of that requirement in my lifetime.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:43 AM
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19

Nixon!


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:44 AM
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20

6 made me laugh.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:45 AM
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21

Is America ready for a Zombie Nixon presiBRAINNZZZZ


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:45 AM
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22

I'd bet that we've already had a gay president.

Buchanan and Lincoln have both generated much speculation.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:46 AM
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23

Is America ready for a human-animal hybrid president?

Si! Se! Puede!
Four! Legs! Good!
Si! Se! Puede!
Two! Legs! Bad!


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:46 AM
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24

But would the first gay president have to be a top or a bear or something? I think so.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:49 AM
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25

It won't be Carson Kressley.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:50 AM
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26

So thoroughly pwned...


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:52 AM
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As for the human-animal hybrid it all, quite obviously, depends on what sort of animals are involved. If it's tough, cool animals like a couger or maybe an aligator than I'm sure most of the people will go for it. If it's a small bird or maybe a stolt people will think it's too wussy.


Posted by: Matt (not the famous one) | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:55 AM
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28

re: 18

The so-called "Schwarzenegger Amendment".


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:55 AM
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29

We need a woman president who is both a cougar and a cougar.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:56 AM
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30

Fuck you, Matt. I want my parrot president.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:00 AM
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31

But would the first gay president have to be a top

You just know that'd come up in the debates.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:04 AM
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32

Is America ready for an (out) vampire president?


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:04 AM
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33

32. Only if it's a black ribboner.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:07 AM
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34

28

Would the amendment also include 3, or just robots from the future?


Posted by: ixnaythemetier | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:07 AM
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35

We've had a semi-closeted vampire veep for seven years now.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:07 AM
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36

re: 30

The State of the Union would be great.

"Who's a pretty boy then! Who's a pretty boy then! Polly wanna hegemon."


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:11 AM
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37

You just know that'd come up in the debates.

"My opponent claims to be receptive to all points of view, but I believe he would go down on -- (cough) excuse me, that is, in the face of -- strong Republican opposition.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:11 AM
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38

Is America ready for a good president?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:35 AM
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39

My predictions for the ordering of these events:

1. Black president

2. Woman president

3. Jewish president

4. Out gay president

5. Atheist president

6. Test-tube president


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:40 AM
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40

Out gay president I don't expect to see in my lifetime. (But, then, I don't expect to see a Black president in my lifetime, and I didn't expect to see an African-American who could mount a credible threat to become President. I was wrong on the latter and can now imagine being proven wrong on the former.)


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:45 AM
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41

I wonder if an openly atheist president is more likely than the conventional wisdom suggests. Don't the religious identification numbers change a lot by age group? Give it 20 years and the Harris/Hitchens/Dawkins line becomes a familiar part of the landscape.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:54 AM
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42

"test-tube" = IVF? Or actually some sort of genetically modified lab-grown president?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:54 AM
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43

I see Atheist has already been mentioned. Other milestones:

An obese president? (Sure, we had Taft, but in the modern era, fat is arguably not electable.)

A single president?

An Asian or Latino president?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:59 AM
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44

A tattooed or pierced president.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 9:59 AM
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45

genetically modified lab-grown president. Bred for the office.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:00 AM
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46

A president not from one of the major parties?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:01 AM
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47

Visibly handicapped (and people know about it?)


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:01 AM
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48

Just the other day I was thinking what an interesting historical accident it is that the first serious woman candidate and the first serious African-American candidate are both running at the same time.

Given that most of us here have a good 30-40 years or more left, I'm betting we see most of those--manimals not necessarily excepted--before we check out.

In other news, the UK navy quits blowing goats.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:01 AM
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49

re:44
Teddy Roosevelt had a tattoo of his family crest.


Posted by: bittermedic | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:03 AM
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50

Blind or deaf?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:03 AM
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51

1) Clearly shrub-boy is some manner of repressed gay. (And it surely involves bald heads ... one of things that makes me wonder more about the Jeff Gannon episode. But that is old news)
2) First steroid-using president (during campaigning & in office, prior use does not count.)
3) per 42, I think genetically-enhanced will come up at some pont.
4) And further beyond that some manner of cyborg/computer-enhanced/genetically-enhanced combo will be debated.
5) And then it will be Skynet.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:04 AM
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48: In other news, the UK navy quits blowing goats.

Good, we don't need any more of their goat-sea activities.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:05 AM
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53

I wonder if an openly atheist president is more likely than the conventional wisdom suggests. Don't the religious identification numbers change a lot by age group? Give it 20 years and the Harris/Hitchens/Dawkins line becomes a familiar part of the landscape.

The US will have a long way to go before it becomes less religious than the UK, and I don't think there's ever been an openly atheist prime minister.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:07 AM
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54

Fair point. Do you think that currently there *could* have been an atheist PM? Or would that rule someone out?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:13 AM
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55

I don't think there's ever been an openly atheist prime minister

FWIW (not much), Callaghan was.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:14 AM
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56

#52. goat-sea program-related activities.

Georgina Beyer, the world's first transgendered Member of Parliament said

"I was quoted once as saying that 'This was the stallion that became a gelding, and now she's a mayor.' I suppose I do have to say that I have now found myself to be a Member! So I have come full circle, so to speak."


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:20 AM
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57

54: Dunno. I expect it would be possible -- there are openly atheist cabinet ministers, and Blair's religiosity is probably not helpful to him -- but I'd still think that paying a little polite lip service to religion is the safe way to go if you want to be PM.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:22 AM
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58

FWIW (not much), Callaghan was.

How openly?

I tried googling, but all I can find is Wikipedia, which says "Callaghan was, by his own admission, an atheist", but its only reference is to the "trivia" section of Callaghan's IMDB profile, which I do not find helpful.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:25 AM
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59

58. From personal memory, he never raised the issue and wasn't often asked, but didn't deny it if he was. As I say, it doesn't prove anything anyway, because he never won an election as PM - he was selected by the Labour Party when Wilson retired in '76 and lost to Thatcher in '79. Michael Foot, the next leader of the Labour Party and sponsor of "the longest suicide note in history", was also an atheist, and AFAICR it was never used against him.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:31 AM
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60

32 - There's been a lot of speculation about Benjamin Harrison, although, if it's true, he was probably closeted.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:32 AM
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61

Non-abrahamic president?

Non college-educated president?

Native-American president?


Yesterday some dude on CNN kept pointint out Huckabee territory on the map of Missouri and then pointingto St. Louis---"but this is where the PEOPLE live." Made me wonder who was voting for Huckabee---furry aliens?


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:34 AM
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62

60. Benjamin Harrison was a vampire? Wow!


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:38 AM
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63

I'd bet that we've already had a gay president.

Similarly, I'd bet that we've already had an atheist president, just not a proclaimed atheist. I think we have one now—I know, we've had this discussion, but I think Bush's self-proclaimed Christianity is a cynical ruse that's taken in even Bush himself. Satan could call himself a Christian and win the evangelical vote.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:41 AM
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64

Non college-educated president?


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:43 AM
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65

Washington?


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:43 AM
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66

"but this is where the PEOPLE live." Made me wonder who was voting for Huckabee---furry aliens?

Close.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:46 AM
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67

51.2: Kennedy used steroids: he took cortisone and testosterone to deal with his Addison's disease.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:47 AM
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68

If Bush has been taken in by his own ruse, hasn't he become sincere?


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:51 AM
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69

I think we have one now

Yep.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:53 AM
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70

64: Truman didn't get an (earned) degree, but he did go to a "business college" briefly and he went to law school for a while or at least read law. So was he "college-educated"?


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:54 AM
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71

68: sincere, or muddle headed?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:57 AM
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72

Wow. I'm not sure whether the Bush-as-not-Christian hypothesis is insane or brilliant.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:57 AM
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73

I'd guess `non college educated' was more likely in the past, than it will be in the (near) future.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:58 AM
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74

67: 51.2: Kennedy used steroids: he took cortisone and testosterone to deal with his Addison's disease.

In that case I demand that the Cuban Missile Crisis be asterisked in history books.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 10:58 AM
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75

I'm not sure whether the Bush-as-not-Christian hypothesis is insane or brilliant.

Like all great truths, it is ultimately unknowable. But I have faith in it. He may be sincere in believing that he is a Christian, but does that make him a Christian? Does he aspire to the imitation of Christ? The evidence suggests otherwise. Also, he himself is insane.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:06 AM
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76

Bush is about as Christian as I am. That is to say, he's culturally Christian, having been raised in it. But the only thing I get off of him is false piety in the service of his electoral fortunes. There's a reason his first Director of Faith-Based Whatever quit in disgust.

I'm 100% certain I could out-scripture him in my sleep.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:07 AM
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77

I think the interesting question is which will happen first - a Jewish President or a Jewish Pope? (The existence of Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger means that this is actually a closer race than you'd think).


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:08 AM
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78

"George Bush built his career on his faith. But his key religious adviser tells of a different man behind the born-again image."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:12 AM
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79

some dude on CNN kept pointint out Huckabee territory on the map of Missouri and then pointingto St. Louis

That's refreshing. Usually the implication is the opposite: that the winner of "urban" vote is somehow less worthy and that the "real" people are the whites from the heartland.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:16 AM
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80

Satan could call himself a Christian and win the evangelical vote.

And in those days, the Beast shall summon Ralph Reed and say "Ralph, let's do business..."


Posted by: Klug | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:17 AM
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81

79: As goes Branson, so goes the "real" America.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:18 AM
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82

I agree with 68, but that's just being pedantic.

Re: atheist presidents, I might say that Deism is close enough. We've had several presidents who were openly Deist or similar. And it's only since the mid-19th century or so that there's been any scientific alternatives to creation myths, isn't it? There wouldn't even be any point in being an atheist before it offered a worldview that's inconsistent with what religion says.

So we've never had an atheist president specifically, no, but we have had presidents who were willing and able to belong to the nonreligious minority. That seems close enough. But then, this means we've regressed.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:19 AM
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83

My personal belief is that Bush has only one true "principle" and that is that the fortunes of incompetent children of rich and successful parents should not be in any manner of jeopardy.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:21 AM
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84

There's a reason his first Director of Faith-Based Whatever quit in disgust.

His second one, too.


Posted by: Cryptic N3d | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:21 AM
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85

Brainerd, MN, site of the movie "Fargo", has a transgendered MTF Republican candidate for the state legislature who lives on welfare. She has remained with her wife and their four kids and thus is now a lesbian too. She gets the hormones but can't afford the operation so is probably also intersexual. No report on the poll results for that race. She's a Republican because she understands that high taxes hurt poor people like herself.

Top that, apo!


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:23 AM
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86

Non college-educated president?

Zachary Taylor was an enlisted soldier who rose to general, no college.

He also fits the category of "President who had never voted for anything in his life before running for president".


Posted by: Cryptic N3d | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:24 AM
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87

the first hIVF babies will be eligible to run for President around 2020. My legal challenge to the first candidate for not being a "natural born citizen" is ready to go.

re: Jewish Pope. Peter?


Posted by: unimaginative | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:24 AM
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88

61: It's true though, the people really do live in St. Louis, and to a much lesser extent in Columbia and a couple other cities/towns. That's why the Obama vs. Clinton county map is so funny given that he won the state.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:26 AM
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89

In the spirit of this place, how about the first pseudonymous president?


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:27 AM
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90

Is America ready for an (out) vampire president?

It would have to be a daywalker. You have to do some outdoor speeches just to get the right image, even nowadays.

VP, though, that's already happening right now, as mentioned earlier.


Posted by: Cryptic N3d | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:28 AM
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91

Does he aspire to the imitation of Christ?

The sheer number of people this disqualifies is awesome to consider.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:28 AM
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92

In the spirit of this place, how about the first pseudonymous president?

We've had two since 1970!


Posted by: Cryptic N3d | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:29 AM
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93

First "out" wanker President? Even hardcore liberals hate wankers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:29 AM
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94

93 is ridiculous, the job attracts wankers, and they often succeed. The current occupant of the office is about as `out' a wanker as you can be.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:33 AM
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95

85: Well, a Republican on welfare in Minnesota who is probably intersexual but might just be a lesbian is hard to beat top be much stranger than, but Vermont has our own Karen Kerin. She seems to be a Republican because she's a strong believer in gun rights.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:34 AM
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re: 82

Actually, quasi-scientific creation stories go back a long way. You also get crude speculation about 'evolution' going back to the Greeks.

94 is right. In fact, 'what a fucking wanker' was just about the first phrase out of my mouth when I first saw him speak during the 2000 electoral debates.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:38 AM
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We've had several presidents who were openly Deist or similar.

I wish the religious right could fucking comprehend this. (I honestly think it's ignorance, even with most of the leadership, unless there's evidence otherwise.) The U.S. was founded on Christianity my ass.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:39 AM
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98

No, he's never come out and admitted that wanking is much more efficient and convenient than either Laura or aides.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:39 AM
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99

"In 1989, Karen was diagnosed with an unusual cancer related to industrial exposures. Told that only six months of life remained, Karen returned to Vermont to be with friends and family. Medications retarded the advancement of the disease, and in June of 1992, Karen underwent surgery to remove a large cancerous tumor in the crux of the bronchial structure. Six days later when the pathology discovered that the assumed type of cancer was in error, it resulted in the removal of the left lung. Six months later, on Pearl Harbor Day, Karen underwent further surgery to remove the balance of the cancer. In the final analysis, Karen's life was changed after that, having to live as a different sex."

I feel like either an important part of that story has been left out, or I don't fully understand the role of lungs.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:39 AM
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OT, it's so cold in my office that I am typing *with gloves on*. For mysterious reasons that the building engineers can't seem to correct, mine & the office next to mine are always frigid even as the rest of the office is at a perfectly normal temperature.

Could everyone please feel sorry for me? Thank you.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:42 AM
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101

The first stoned president. Not "inhaled" as a kid, but hooka at the cabinet meetings.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:42 AM
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102

The first stoned president.

Reagan's second term probably comes close.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:44 AM
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103

Wankers are the last minority that it's safe to ridicule. The very accusation of wanking is tantamount to civil death. Yet the physical act of wanking is pervasive. Wanking is the Anti-Foundation of The Imaginary. When wanking is no longer scorned, we will see God face to face and the Kingdom of Heaven will be at hand.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:44 AM
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104

I wish the religious right could fucking comprehend this.

A president who asked to be sworn in on the Jefferson Bible might help.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:45 AM
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105

Kobe wouldn't be cold in Texas.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:46 AM
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106

Character-building, Kraab. Suck it up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:46 AM
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107

Wankers are the last minority?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:47 AM
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108

Since 1820 or so the US has alternated between fairly strong secularity and Great Awakenings. The most recent awakening can be dated to 1968 and was caused by heavy drug use. Once my generation dies off we'll probably return to sanity.

Unfortunately life expectancies are increasing. And I make no offer to die off myself.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:48 AM
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109

Why yes, LB. Are you a wanker?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:49 AM
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110

Yeah, I'd pull the lever for a wanker.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:52 AM
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111

Perhaps in 2012 I'll be the symbolic wanking atheist alcoholic candidate.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:54 AM
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112

re: 103

I think you are misunderstanding the British usage of 'wanker'. [Deliberately, for comic effect, I'm sure]


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:54 AM
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113

I know that I can count on your votes. If you don't want to be outed.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 11:55 AM
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114

111: You could announce your candidacy here the next time you come out west.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:02 PM
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115

I have been there. I believe that it's in a suburbanizing area now, but when I went there it was a pleasnt crossroads tavern, a notch better than most in somewhat the fern bar direction.

113: And you know that I was looking at you, LB. Right? Would you want your lovely kids to know?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:17 PM
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116

"Wankers -- the silent majority!"

"Pull the handle for one of our own!"

"A hands-on President at last!"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:21 PM
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117

58: Callaghan was, by his own admission, an atheist

Who the hell wrote that Wikipedia entry? By his own admission? Yes, and a shameful admission it was ....

I'd call it a tie between the unlikelihood of an atheist and an out gay president. With respect to the former, I'm not buying that the Hitchen/Dawkins narrative will gain traction any time soon in this country. Although, although ... (per 41) alright, once older generations begin to die off, hm, maybe.

Confusion over that is an extension (for me) of unclarity about the causes of the unprecedented rise of self-identified fundamentalists in the country. I can't take it seriously; they must be bluffing or something, or perhaps their numbers are overreported.

Okay, then, out gay president least likely, then. Gay people are atheists anyway, right?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:25 PM
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118

Is America ready for a Zombie Nixon presiBRAINNZZZZ

Zombie Ronald Reagan would cruise to victory over Zombie Nixon in the Republican primaries. He'd beat McCain and Romney too.

We might already have had Zombie Reagan as president, during his second term.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:30 PM
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#99 gets it exactly right. An old Zmag article explains the rest:

" ...Vermont Republicans have had their hands full figuring out what to make of their own candidate. Karen Karin, a fiscal conservative from South Royalton, plans to run for the Republican nomination on the issues of tax reform, anti-gun control and the creation of a petroleum reserve in the Northeast. The complication is that Karen used to be a male. After a bout with urinary cancer ten years ago entailed heavy doses of estrogen, Karen, formerly named Charles, decided to have a sex change operation. Now the GOP is wondering whether it will be able to keep a straight face while making civil unions its lead issue, especially since Karen, who has stated firm opposition to same sex unions, somehow managed to marry a woman in 1996 after becoming a she."

Yeah. She's a contender.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:31 PM
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"Is America ready for a Jewish president?

Is America ready for a foreign-born president?

Is America ready for a gay president?

Is America ready for a human-animal hybrid president? "

Dick Cheney is running?


Posted by: Bryan | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 12:45 PM
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100: I feel sorry for you, Kraab.

No one felt sorry for me when I complained about 4 and a half hours of class and a two hour meeting (and a back ache) So I figure us winers must stick together.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:11 PM
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121 - in a marvel of compaction, you evoke an image of yourself as both a whiner, a weiner, and a wino.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:19 PM
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Yes, but is America ready for a winer for president?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:24 PM
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122: and a winner!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:27 PM
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123 /122 sounds pretty close to Bush, really.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:29 PM
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122: Anybody know how much he drinks?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 1:45 PM
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119: Karen Karin, a fiscal conservative from South Royalton,

Your quote reminded me. That's the same town where Joseph Smith was born. Coincidence? I think not.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 3:15 PM
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118 - Zombie Reagan's sunny optimism would surely be more appealing to voters than Zombie Nixon's paranoia and obsession with secrecy.

62 - As to Harrison, it's all speculation. There've been a number of books pointing out oddities that would best be explained by Harrison being a vampire. The fact that he never appeared outside during the daytime, for instance. His strong aversion to garlic. The three wanton Brides of Harrison who seduced male visitors to the White House during his tenure. The fact that Vice President Levi P. Morton degenerated into a fly-eating thrall over the course of Harrison's term, making it impossible for the Party to renominate him in 1892. Grover Cleveland having to drive a wooden stake through his heart and then behead him in order to take possession of the White House. That kind of thing.

Academic historians have mostly ignored this stuff, though, saying that the question of whether he was a vampire is essentially unanswerable and largely irrelevant to an understanding of his presidency.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:22 PM
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Zombie's Reagan and Nixon had better get moving if they want to catch up to the electoral machinery of the front runner for the zombie vote.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:28 PM
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127: Thanks; now we've all seen the polished shaft of Joseph Smith.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:29 PM
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119 presents an interesting issue. If someone was not a natural-born citizen of the US, but then died and was turned into a zombie on US soil, is he eligible for the presidency based on this new birth into ghouldom?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:31 PM
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131: doubtful. After all, those who aren't natural-born citizens but who are reborn in Jesus on US soil don't qualify. (Some say that this is because the kingdom of god is not of this earth, so how could it be of any particular nation? But that won't help the zombies, whose allegiance is owed to Satan below.)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:33 PM
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128: It may be useful to interrogate the category called "vampire" in the context of the early 1890s. After 1872, such a mythology (in Barthes' meaning of a second-order signifier) might have been imminent, but it would have still been meaningless to most readers until 1897. Too, it could be more useful to speak of "vampires" rather than "vampire", since each iteration, located at the site of the "attack", becomes Protean and ephemeral when it is interpolated. The vampires' interventions can then be understood not as the distinct imposition of "fangs" upon a unified subject, but rather as a manifestation of the spectacular in literary, or in this case, presidential, histories.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:42 PM
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Could an umpire become president?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:49 PM
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Watch for my forthcoming work: Vampiric Commodities, Commodified Vampires: Towards A Dialectic of Cultural Desanguination


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:51 PM
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In other news: don't inhale aerosolized hog brains

Actually the really strange thing about that story is that workers at a slaughterhouse had health problems, and the factory owners were open and co-operative with public health officials.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 4:57 PM
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How would you commodify a vampire? What are they for?

You can't train them, and they wouldn't make very good pets.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:02 PM
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131 - I don't think that being raised from the dead qualifies as a "birth" in the normal sense.

There's a further question as to whether zombies should be considered citizens at all. The dominant position has always been that zombies do not qualify for U.S. citizenship, given that they are not alive. However, in earlier periods of our history, one can see that the alive/undead distinction was not treated as a firm line in the way that it is today. In fact, in the early republic, zombies were allowed to vote in several states until the early 19th century - in New Jersey, zombie suffrage was not formally banned until 1843. But even after this period it was common enough for the undead to vote - certainly this was true in the west, where populations were so small that occasionally zombies constituted a majority of the population; but it also applied in big city machine politics, where the undead were regularly raised in order to vote in the machine's ticket. The Progressives were notable opponents of the Zombies, and the system of systematic deprivation of zombie political rights which has lasted to the present day was really a legacy of the first decades of the twentieth century.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:03 PM
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Edge of the American West needs to settle this.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:20 PM
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You people's demagoguery will inevitable lead to mandatory zombie testing everywhere and the complete loss of rights for suspected zombies such as Ogged and Sifu. Please do not take us down this terrible path. We should accept zombie Americans with the same warmth and generosity that we accept libertarian-Americans, hippie-Americans, annoyin- Americans, and stinky-Americans.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:22 PM
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138 reminds me that a zombie was recently elected alderman in Chicago. Or the closest equivalent, a man about whom the public did not know whether he was dead or alive.

Schrödinger's election, so to speak. Only after the election would they find out whether they had elected him or his son. They had the choice between that, and a candidate who was known to be alive, but chose the superposition of life and death.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:23 PM
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141: Are you referring to the John/Todd Stroger debacle?

It was actually an election for president of the county commissioners board, and the only joy is that everyone hates Todd.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:37 PM
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136: Robert, that story is so disgusting that I grew literally nauseated when reading it. Fucking nasty! (This is proof that I am *not* a zombie.)


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 5:58 PM
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One of the many cynical mistakes of the Bush administration is the way zombies have become de facto enemy combatants. You raise one little army of undead who are utterly immune to the psychological or physiological effects of water-boarding and all of a sudden everybody in the executive branch is all shoot-on-sight about them.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 6:01 PM
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We should accept zombie Americans with the same warmth and generosity that we accept libertarian-Americans, hippie-Americans, annoyin- Americans, and stinky-Americans.

John, someday, someday your inclusion of hippie-Americans in that sentiment will come back to haunt you.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 6:06 PM
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I myself am very prejudiced against stinky-Americans. I won't even stand next to them in public places.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 7:32 PM
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Fuck [adjective-]Americans. You are all so provincial! Last time I was in Canada, visiting a friend and perusing his bookshelves, I asked in all innocence, apropos of several of his volumes, "Who's [um, some woman who's a first lady of poetry in Canada, forget her name]?"

I received from my friend a withering look and the reply: "Proof that you're an American."

Damn.

I should, of course, have responded, "Yeah, well, who's Billy Collins, huh, huh?"


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 7:51 PM
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I find the best course of action in such situations is to stand with one's legs apart, lower one's shoulders, and snarl, belligerently, "Clever, are ya? Sprechen sie deutsche? Well, you fuckin would if we 'adn't won the war for ya," regardless of whether it makes any kind of historical sense whatsoever.


Posted by: felix | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:05 PM
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141 Recently-defeated City Councilman Len Bodack won almost exclusively on name recognition from his longtime state senator dad. Many older L'ville voters were overheard saying, "It's nice that old Len is running again." The guy was actually a half-decent councilman - serious about constituent service, at least. As opposed to some colleagues.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02- 6-08 8:35 PM
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