Re: I walk a fine line between two kinds of tiresome

1

Labs fears the vag.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:42 PM
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V-V-V Day! Victory over violence against the vagina!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:45 PM
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Gonerill, is this an attempt to get me to argue at painful length and earnestness about why I don't need to hear my students talk about their vaginas and why this is yet another encroachment of the public/private divide at an institution where there are so many already? If so: well played, old man!


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:46 PM
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Pretty much, yeah. Life kind of sucks right now anyway, so the celebratory stuff is just going to have to wait until birthdays roll around next month.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:48 PM
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Among my other genitalia-related Google News alerts, I have one set for "vagina", but it's damned near useless. You would not believe the number of news stories every. single. day. about The Vagina Monologues. At least that Teeth movie got released, which provided a smidgen of variety.

Also, the google news alert for cock is mostly ruined by this guy.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:53 PM
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Decock, Kevin? I hardly know Kevin, and I certainly don't wish him any harm!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:54 PM
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hear my students talk about their vaginas

Silly Labs, they're not talking about their vaginas, they're talking about Eve Ensler's vagina. Which really should be old news by now.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:54 PM
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Ah, point taken, LeBlanc. Sign me up!


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:56 PM
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Coming to a campus near you soon: The Mangina Monologues starring Fontana Labs, Ogged, w-lfs-n, and Apostropher.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 12:58 PM
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Also, I will provide the obligatory Marijuanalogues link.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:00 PM
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Students talk to you about their vaginas? What class are you teaching?? Or is this during office hours?


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:00 PM
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10: I went to see that in LA. It was only fair. They didn't seem very stoned.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:02 PM
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I did giggle when I heard about Jane Fonda letting the see-you-next-Tuesday slip on the Today Show.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:03 PM
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There ain't no such thing as free vagina, son.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:07 PM
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Nevermind 11. Apparently you didn't actually say that. Weird.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:07 PM
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13: As in she said dsquared's favorite word, or as in she was pulling a Paris Hilton?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:13 PM
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15, see 3.

Stoner.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:14 PM
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Labs always told me he liked hearing about my vagina.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:17 PM
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this is yet another encroachment of the public/private divide at an institution where there are so many already

This from a man who posted is colonoscopy pictures on line,


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:21 PM
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I can't wait to see The Colon Monologues.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:22 PM
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The Angina Monolgues might be interesting too.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:23 PM
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Please don't make us argue at painful length and earnestness about why we don't need to see pictures of the inner lining of our professor's anus.


Posted by: Lab's Students | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:23 PM
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Labs'


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:23 PM
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16: Alas, the former. Said something about how she originally wasn't willing to be in a play called "C/nt". Was that the original title?


Posted by: wrenae | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:24 PM
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19: "In the first session the blogger who runs the colon workshop asked us to draw a picture of our own "unique, beautiful, fabulous colon." That's what he called it. He wanted to know what our own unique, beautiful, fabulous colon looked like to us. One guy who was on blogging hiatus drew a big red mouth screaming with coins spilling out. Another very skinny-headed blogger drew a big serving plate with a kind of Devonshire pattern on it. I drew a huge black dot with little squiggly lines around it. The black dot was equal to a black hole in space, and the squiggly lines were meant to be people or things or just your basic atoms that got lost there. I had always thought of my colon as an anatomical vacuum randomly sucking up particles and objects from the surrounding environment..."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:26 PM
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"... But from the begginning of history, Man has sought to overcome the colon. The inventor of the colonoscope was born in Hamburg, Germany, in 1897. As a young man he was gripped internally by a great fire to quench the suffering in the world brought on by poor bowel control and bad colon habits. But conservative anti-liberals prevented him for many years from acheiving his goals (Professor Labs, In Class Notes) ..."


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:30 PM
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17. alright, I'm not crazy. I'm just having all the downsides of being stoned without the benefits. Or maybe I'm just trying to think about too many things at once when I'm not nearly smart enough to do that.

18. Only until he gets it. After that, he doesn't care any more. Poor young Ben.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:33 PM
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But from the begginning of history, Man has sought to overcome the colon

It's the asshole's version of Nietzschean self-overcoming.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:33 PM
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I had always thought of my colon as an anatomical vacuum randomly sucking up particles and objects from the surrounding environment..."

Interesting. For most people, shit gets into the colon via the gastro-intestinal tract.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:37 PM
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Man has sought to overcome the colon

If you ever get to see this happen, be forewarned that it's strikingly reminiscent of those Diet Coke and Mentos videos.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:37 PM
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Either you must master your colon, or your colon will master you.

Seeking to escape this hard truth, many men attempt instead to master others' colons, thinking that will make them the master of their own.

In the quiet of the night when they can no longer ignore the futility of their efforts, they despair.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:38 PM
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29: People get all kinds of shit in their colon, you gastronormativist.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:39 PM
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Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:41 PM
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If you overcome your colon, then you get to be called "The Colonel".


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:42 PM
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Do other male professors have the same experience of their students talking about the va-jay-jays? Ben, you're a grad assistant; ever have the hoohah talk (in an academic setting)?

I have the sneaking suspicion that girls have been coming to Labs in his office hours, closing the door, and talking about sex...and he sits there and thinks "god! more tiresome academic discussion about women's empowerment that skirts the more difficult but more practical solutions..."


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:43 PM
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Why do all these homosexuals keep mastering my colon?


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:43 PM
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32: and then of course there's the modern route.

The Angina Monolgues might be interesting too.

The Simpsons already used this pun. I think it was The Angina Monologues starring Wilford Brimley and Burgess Meredith.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:44 PM
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33: "A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:46 PM
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The Simpsons already used this pun

Also, Roz Chast.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:47 PM
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40

Then you have the Regina Monologues for people who want something bland.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:49 PM
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None of my students has ever discussed their vaginae with me. We are probably all better off for this.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:52 PM
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There's an Orangina Monologues video on Youtube, but I couldn't get through more than about 90 seconds of it. Maybe it gets better after that. I am sad, however, that I cannot find any video online of The Bert Fershners' Orangina skit, because it badly needs to be included in this thread.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:53 PM
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And I'm surprised that nobody has done much of anything with The Carolina Monologues yet.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:55 PM
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I roomed with some younger women a few years ago who spent a good month arranging and talking about the Vagina Monologues. Some of the other participants were annoyed to see me at their after-party, which was unreasonable, seeing as how they were guests in my house.

A couple of drunken dudebros wandered in at some point and did something to upset everyone, which I didn't mind.


Posted by: Michael Vanderwheel, B.A. | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:56 PM
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The Piranha Monologues promises to be both short and exciting.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:56 PM
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45: most women would prefer the Caipirinha Monologues.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:57 PM
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And I think I could get behind the Selena Monologues.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:58 PM
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I remember inviting one of my professors to come see me in a somewhat racy play, but it was my theater professor, and I was not in a particularly racy role. We were standing in front of the class before it started and he made a big show of explaining that he couldn't possibly come see me in a play like that because I was one of his students and it would be so inappropriate for him to envision me in that context, blah blah blah. A month later, he very sleazily propositioned me in his office. (I refused.) Whatta schmuck.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:59 PM
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On the other hand, The Virginia Monologues returns 3300 hits.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 1:59 PM
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49: As you so aptly demonstrate.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:00 PM
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40: Isn't Regina the San Francisco of Saskatchewan? Or at least the Sacramento of...?


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:02 PM
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Of course: The Fontana Monologues!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:04 PM
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Yes, but Saskatchewan is the Sacramento of Canada, which is in turn the Sacramento of Earth. Once you reach second-order Sacramentoness, things pretty bland.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:06 PM
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What's the Sacramento of Sacramento?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:14 PM
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One Google result for "Vagina Monopod", but it's not very illuminating.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:15 PM
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55: "Mark and Mandy" could make a good sitcom, but "Hong, Margherita, Mark and Mandy" sounds even better.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:16 PM
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54 - Pancake Circus, at 21st and Broadway. That would be the essence.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:17 PM
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55: I'll do you one better.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:21 PM
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57: What's the quintessence?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:22 PM
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three for "vagina monorail". two of which are spam blogs.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:22 PM
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59: FIFTH-order Sacramentocity?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:22 PM
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The Fontana Colon Blog


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:23 PM
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I love you all so much.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:52 PM
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Regina_Monologues

Don't try to outguess the Simpsons.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:52 PM
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Though it turns out that a lot of the Regina Monologues are Spektral.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 2:54 PM
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5: FYI, Google can be made to exclude terms. That could help. Just type the word you want, and then a "-" before the word you want excluded, with no space in between the dash and the word to be excluded. For example, you might start a Google news search for cock -aids, since that disease is the specialty of that doctor, and you'll get every news article that uses the word "cock" but not the word "AIDS."

Of course, that might exclude some of what you're actually looking for. God knows why you have a Google news search for "cock" in the first place. Maybe search for cock -kevin, then.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 3:35 PM
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You must be new here, Cyrus.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 3:36 PM
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Happy Valentine's Day! We hated your interview so much it took us less than 24 hours to call you and tell you to go to hell.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 4:08 PM
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Bastards. Have a drink, and remember that they're not good enough for you.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 4:10 PM
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It's hard not taking interview rejection personally, but don't take it personally. God, that's lame.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 4:10 PM
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Anyway, if you'd gotten the job, they just would have had you shoveling PingPong balls into 747's all day, and who wants to do that?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 4:12 PM
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At least they told you. In dotcommia, more often than not they don't even bother with the formal rejection.

(Still, sorry to hear that they suck.)


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:10 PM
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Of course it's personal. I mean, what the hell else would it be?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:16 PM
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A superficial judgment based on absurd criteria?


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:17 PM
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Still personal. I made it far enough that it wasn't a criterion like 'no philosophers.'


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:19 PM
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I've not received offers from a number of jobs I've interviewed in person for and let it get to me more than I think retrospectively it should. I used sloppy language in passing along the (impossible to follow) advice that you not do that.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:22 PM
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Not so much not personal, as not valid. (A) The criteria they're hiring on have no meaningful relationship to anything important, and (B) they couldn't have gotten enough information about you to you to make a well informed judgment even on those criteria.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:26 PM
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Yeah. Would be easier if yesterday hadn't been such a pain in the ass. I had a pretzel and a diet coke for dinner. Woo.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:29 PM
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I've been turned down for jobs I should have had and been hired for jobs I had no business doing enough to have lost all respect for hiring managers. This outlook has done wonders for my post-interview emotional hangovers.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 5:33 PM
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Sorry, Cala. Fuck 'em.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 6:26 PM
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81

Their loss, Cala.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 6:32 PM
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What mrh and Witt said, Cala. HopE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER. (My daughter Maura took over typing that message. She's really into using the shift key.)


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 6:51 PM
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Fuck 'em.

I don't think they're going to change their mind, no matter what she does. Props for optimism, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 7:06 PM
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84

I'm sorry to hear that, Cala.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 7:24 PM
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I'm in favor of being one of those civilizations where 1/4 of the days are holidays of some sort. Since we lack any good religious ferver, its going to be corporate holidays that drag us a cross the line.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 7:40 PM
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Aww Cala, I'm sorry.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 7:53 PM
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Sorry Cala.

Was it a good pretzel?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 7:56 PM
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That sucks, Cala. I'm with LB and mrh: if you got to that stage, the rejection was trivial and essentially random. Fuck 'em.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:16 PM
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I'm in favor of being one of those civilizations where 1/4 of the days are holidays of some sort.

What civilizations? I can think of...Catholicism.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:33 PM
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That blows, Cala. What everyone else said: hiring is a random process, and you have absolutely no reason to take it personally. (Not that that helps. IME, the only thing that helps is going through the process enough times that you get inured to it.)


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:36 PM
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Being a city employee in NYC should count as one of those civilizations. We get off for Christian and Jewish holidays as well as all the political ones.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:40 PM
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92

Cala, it's possible that they were nearly all the way to deciding to make an offer to someone else -- or even made the offer and were waiting to hear -- by the time your interview came around. Obviously I don't know, but it's certainly possible that this isn't about you, but rather someone else accepted an offer, got the support of one last person, or didn't get knocked off her perch by you.


Posted by: NĂ¡pi | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:41 PM
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What civilizations?

Rome, for one. Though actually, 2/7 is more than 1/4, so our civilization is another.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:47 PM
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83 made me chuckle. The pretzel was ok.

I don't know. This was just the second round to third round, so I don't get an office flyout. I just wish they'd let it cool. Nice of them not to leave me hanging, but they could have pretended to debate it over the weekend.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:49 PM
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92 makes a good point. But I bet if someone like, say, Jon Corzine, came and asked for the job, he would have gotten it even over this other person.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 8:50 PM
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Too bad for them, Cala. But I'm sorry you feel down. What Napi said sounds pretty likely, also. Hope you feel better soon.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 9:48 PM
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I bet if someone like, say, Jon Corzine, came and asked for the job, he would have gotten it even over this other person.

Governors do tend to get what they want, yes, but I'm not really sure why Corzine would want an internship at a consulting firm.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 9:56 PM
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I'm not really sure why Corzine would want an internship at a consulting firm

Patronage.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 10:03 PM
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Of course it's personal. I mean, what the hell else would it be?

- They have an offer outstanding to someone else and you're a backup.
- They know who they want to hire, but company policy/govt contract restrictions require that they interview X number of people.
- The interviewers have skill/work hours/experience expectations that are out of whack with what they're willing to pay.
- The interviewers aren't actually looking for what's on the job description.
- No one, but no one, will make the hiring manager happy.
- Someone you interviewed with is lobbying fiercely for someone else.
- One skill that you don't have and someone else has has assumed disproportionate importance in someone's mind.
- Soneone has an irrational bias against women/philosophers/Unfogged commenters.
- Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day.

I'm pretty sure I've been turned down for a job in just about every one of those situations.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 02-14-08 10:41 PM
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