Re: Getting An Unoriginal Thought Off My Congested Chest

1

Amen. I've had three colds in the past seven weeks. It seems they mis-guessed the flu strain that would be going around, but everyone I know who's been sick hasn't had the flu.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 6:44 PM
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Oh, and the answer to your question is, of course, the Chinese.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 6:49 PM
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This thing that is going around, too. This dry cough, congested, no-fever horseshit? Fuck you, hacking cough thing! Fuck you straight to SARS.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 6:53 PM
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Anthrax is seldom diagnosed before the fatal stage. Dry cough, etc.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 6:54 PM
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Ogged is probably correct. Why do all these Chinamen keep sneezing in my mouth?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 6:59 PM
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5: I usually have to pay extra for that.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:05 PM
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You know that you're supposed to kill the chicken before you get stapled to it.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:08 PM
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I have completely lost my voice. I thought I paid my dues for the winter by spending 3 solid weeks of December bed-ridden with a 103 degree fever and bleeding sinuses. My mood was not aided by getting an email from Obama that started out,"I need you to make your voice heard today -- literally."


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:09 PM
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It's looking more and more like staying home alone at all times is the safer strategy.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:11 PM
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Solidarity, Becks. One of the bands I play with canceled a CD-release show tonight, because the guitarist is down with the flu. He's been in the hospital twice this week with it. First time I can ever remember canceling a show.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:14 PM
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10: if this is the prog band, you could definitely rock a Headhunters kind of thing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:15 PM
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9: And wear a helmet with a sneeze guard when you do go outside.

Better living through government regulation.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:16 PM
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Wait you can have a helmet with a sneeze-gard? How does that work? Is it attached to a salad bar, or is there like an unprotected salad bar that you can clip your sneeze-gard on to?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:18 PM
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I think I was sick for a while in January. But other than that, no problemo. Mr. B. and PK got sick this week, but as always, Mama soldiered on.

(Which sounds good, unless you realize that not being sick means "doing everything.")


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:27 PM
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I am both sick and doing everything. Where do I sign up for your deal, B?


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:29 PM
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13: I was thinking of something like this.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:29 PM
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1: I've had three colds in the past seven weeks

You know that if you really wanted to stop having them you could.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:31 PM
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You're sick and still doing things???

Wanna get married?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:31 PM
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You're sick and still doing things???

Wanna get married?

Or join a band? Seriously. Dude should've have ROCKED through his flu.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:33 PM
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I never get flu or colds but people tell me I'm more likely to get cancer. My mom's cancer wasn't bad at all, hopefully I'll get that one.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:33 PM
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The upside of being a hermit.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:40 PM
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You know that if you really wanted to stop having them you could.

This is actually true, as 21 notes.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:43 PM
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My mom's cancer wasn't bad at all, hopefully I'll get that one.

Why would you want used cancer?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:45 PM
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I heard on the news that the scientists in charge of these things put entirely the wrong flu strains in their flu shots this year.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:54 PM
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24 meet 1.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:55 PM
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26

(not to be dickish!)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:56 PM
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26: Too late! Embrace your inner dick, man.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:57 PM
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1 is poorly phrased.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:57 PM
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Enjoy your spring break, JM.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 7:59 PM
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I had a hideous multi-stage 17-day cold, but it was the only one. Thank God. I'm totally useless when sick.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:00 PM
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31

28 is funny.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:00 PM
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32

My mom's cancer has a good track record. I'll stick with a winner.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:02 PM
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33

27 is some seriously low hanging fruit.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:02 PM
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34

Beloved grandnephew: Your peepee is big like Daddy's. Mine is little like Mommy's.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:08 PM
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Indeed. I had a terrible cold a couple of weeks ago and a couple of days of something flu-like at the beginning of this week. That's a lot worse than average for one winter, let along one month. I'm kind of suspicious, since I've gotten flu-like diseases two out of the three years I've gotten flu shots, whereas I only had one in the ten years before that.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:08 PM
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34: Oh dear.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:09 PM
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He was untroubled.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:09 PM
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38

The wonders of amyl nitrate.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:11 PM
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I had a hideous multi-stage 17-day cold, but it was the only one.

I read this as "17-day-old" at first.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:13 PM
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Four feverish days of viral upper-respiratory type shit, a week of laryngitis (Ile, I feel your pain!), another 10 days of sinus infection. And actually, I'm still coughing a month later, but that part isn't worthy of complaint. Whatever went around this winter was obnoxious. You know what helped? Nothing. Except time. Nuts.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:17 PM
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Yeah, WTF is with the lingering hack of a cough this year? No flu, just a bit of a cold, but had a TB like cough for a couple of weeks.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:23 PM
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41: yes! You to! That thing is fucking weird.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:24 PM
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Yeah, whenever I get some cold or flu or whatever, it's not the super-sick part I dread; it's the month of coughing up the same goddamn teaspoon of mucus ever 30 seconds for a month. And the whole time, I'm thinking, "Do I even remember what it was like to not cough up this teensy bit of mucus all day? I do not. I have always been coughing up this mucus."

You know what finally killed it, Becks? The brand-new super-steamy room at the Russian Baths. I walked out of there and haven't coughed since. Went back today just to get the last bit of it out and done with. Feel like a million bucks.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 8:56 PM
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I'm back from ther ER myself! With vikodin!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:04 PM
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Heebie's cat is insane. That video rules, and your friend is a huge pussy for flinching from a cat when there's a door protecting him.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:07 PM
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Vicodin and antibiotics, I hope. The former for the cat, the latter for you.

That was an interesting video.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:08 PM
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Also, the cheap trick for disinfecting puncture wounds is epsom salts. Learned it from a doctor when I was kid and had an infection in my foot from stepping on a nail.

Hot water with added epsom salts, and soak.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:12 PM
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18: One of the things that I'm not doing while sick is getting divorced and then remarried. I really don't have the energy.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:12 PM
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Heebie pls to get all high on vicodin and then (pick option A or B) comment all high / turn the computer over to the beast.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:14 PM
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47: The trick for disinfecting puncture wounds acquired from stepping on nails is getting tetanus and dying. At least that's how we do it in my family. But we're weak folk, real hothouse flowers.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:14 PM
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I loved the cat video and made Snark watch it too. Oh, crazy beast. I particularly like how he goes off to cuff the other cat periodically before stalking back to attack the door invader again.

Everyone sure has been sick so much this winter. I feel a little guilty that I haven't been (yet).


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:15 PM
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If Vicodin doesn't nauseate you, it should make for wonderfully blissful slumber.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:16 PM
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I am all high on vicodin! It feels great and my hand feels way better too, and I bought epsom salts when I got my perscription filled. With lavender. La-la-la.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:19 PM
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You got your prescription filled with lavender?

I do suppose that vicodin is working.

I disinfect puncture wounds with a second shot to the same place.

I, CYBORG KILLER.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:21 PM
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So heebie what if you kept your cat wrapped in bubble wrap as a general rule?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:26 PM
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55: We've tried this with our children. Not recommended on warm days. Otherwise, though, an excellent idea.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:27 PM
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Well, he didn't like it when I tied helium balloons to him for my birthday. But I bet he'd love bubble wrap.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:28 PM
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57: you could tie a bell to the entire rest of the universe, so he'd never be startled.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:30 PM
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56: sweet jesus Ari you need an air hole. Do I have to tell you historians everything?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:30 PM
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Is it a bad idea to have a beer? Im not driving anywhere. I think it's fine.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:31 PM
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59. Thanks. I wondered why I was having trouble breathing.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:32 PM
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61: you need to consult your dolphin friend more, my man. Squeaksalot'll keep you breathing if none of us man-apes can.

60: it's actually a great idea.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:34 PM
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It IS a great idea. Jammies bought this weird blueberry beer, so yknow, antioxidants.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:36 PM
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Since we're dispensing advice, should I eat the rest (I've already had half) of my wife's Violet Crumble? Or not? It's a bad idea, of course. But a delicious one. Thoughts?


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:37 PM
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63: yup.

64: yup.

Christ, I'm a fucking Oracle. I'm glad you guys are still around to receive my good advice, since Blume appears to have been rendered unconscious.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:39 PM
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You probably should. Violets are good for you, and you've been looking a bit wan lately.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:40 PM
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67

Beer and Violet Crumble for all! I myself am having bourbon and ginger cookies.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:40 PM
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I am having hop-tard beer and (until quite recently, actually) acorn squash.

I enjoyed my half of the acorn squash very much, and to be honest, I enjoyed Blume's half, too.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:43 PM
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67: I'm intrigued by this combination. Are you dipping?


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:43 PM
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Also: the candy was good. Vicodin would have been better.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:44 PM
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Bourbon, ginger cookies, and Skoal? Ari you are a man of the west.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:45 PM
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I am rough. And tumble.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:47 PM
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As long as you're being an oracle, Sifu: should I get a cat? (Heebie should weigh in too.)

I'm not going to ask you whether I should have some scotch, because I already know the answer to that question.


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:51 PM
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No dipping of any sort.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:52 PM
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My keen powers of deduction tell me that Violet Crumble (otherwise mysterious) is candy. And that heebie is fuuuucked up by now, blueberry beer and vicodin making my stomach churn at the very thought.

Also you guys are completely nuts about soaking puncture wounds and cats liking bubble wrap.

Carry on!


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:53 PM
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I dated a guy who dipped. It was kind of gross.

Cats are the best! Get a cat.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:53 PM
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This winter I have had a cold that proceeds like this:
Sunday I feel fine.
Monday I feel fine.
Tuesday I feel like I am starting to get a sore throat.
Wednesday I feel worse.
Thursday through Saturday I have a bad sore throat and bad congestion.

Repeat for four weeks.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:55 PM
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No really, at the ER they told me you should soak puncture wounds in epsom salts. And do you all appreciate that I'm typing with one hand while the other soaks and is too tender to type with anyway?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:56 PM
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Dipping was what the true assholes did in my high school. The experience of watching those morons spit into empty coke cans, their lower lips bulging, has left deep scars. And no, don't get a cat. Get a dog. They're more fun. Evidence? they don't mind balloons.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:58 PM
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73: yes and yes!

I love my cats, they love me, everybody else in my life is allergic to them: it's a win, win, fuck them!

I would never dip a cat in Epsom salts unless it was for a really good reason.

77 is a public service announcement by The Cure.

75: I do not think the churning of your stomach is enfuckening heebie. I could be wrong, but I do not think so.

78: for god's sakes woman type with your boobs if you're feeling that poorly.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 9:59 PM
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Dogs are a lot more work, they lick you, which is gross, they make slurpy noises, and your hand smells after you pet it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:00 PM
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79: my friends in [ ULTRA-UPSCALE-SUBURB ] used to dip, based on third- or fourth-hand reports of what the assholes did, just because it would make the local girls erupt into prissiness.

I make no excuses for them.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:00 PM
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81: "it" grodily underdefined.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:01 PM
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81: True, they are more work. Only those that lick lick. If you see what I'm saying. What kind of dog makes slurpy noises? Seriously, that is gross. But also not true. And your hands only smell if your dog is really dirty. Which leaves me wondering: do you know people who don't care for their dogs? And if so, is it because the dogs are licking, slurping stink-monsters? Because that's not the kind of dog I have. Or have ever had. Plus, dogs crap outside. Game, set, match.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:03 PM
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Or maybe it's so grodilily over-defined that you can't handle it, hmmm?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:04 PM
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And do you all appreciate that I'm typing with one hand while the other soaks and is too tender to type with anyway?

I'm impressed. It makes you sound like a delicate Victorian invalid. With high-speed internet access.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:05 PM
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82: Shaker Heights? I ask because everything you describe is what I witnessed. Assholes.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:06 PM
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85: don't grode the lily.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:06 PM
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And your hands only smell if your dog is really dirty.

This is really, really not true. A clean, well-trained dog is lovely, and many dogs are truly noble beasts, but unless you are giving your dog a daily shampoo, its fur carries the smell of dogness.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:06 PM
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87: nah wrong state. Really, they were ironic about it. I mean, yeah, they were assholes, but the fun, rejected kind.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:07 PM
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Cats, by contrast, smell delightful. My cats smell like fresh cedar, as per their litter.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:08 PM
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92

My cat also smells wonderful, like a newborn's head. In fairness, I must note that I have also met cats who do not.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:09 PM
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86: If only I had a wooden wheelchair, a blanket, and spindly legs, and a prescription for some weeks by the ocean for my Nerves.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:10 PM
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Outdoor cats can get pretty rank. But mine are cute smelling.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:11 PM
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92: have you ever thought about why?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:12 PM
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89: Sorry, I was assuming that "your hand smells after you pet it" implied that "your hand smells" bad "after you pet it." But if we're talking about dogs smelling like dogs, which is to say smelling loyal, comforting, and wonderful, and then hands smelling like that after coming into contact with dogs, well that's another story entirely. I'll cede that point as well then.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:12 PM
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FASTEST ONE HANDED TYPER IN THE WORLD who lives in my house.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:12 PM
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Oh, indoor cats can too. My cat is currently an (indoor/)outdoor cat, and it only enhances the effect, like hanging your wash out on the line.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:12 PM
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Yes. I have ridden in people's cars and said, Hey, your car smells like dog.

I can't figure out what dipping is.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:13 PM
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But if we're talking about dogs smelling like dogs, which is to say smelling loyal, comforting, and wonderful

Uh huh.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:13 PM
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101

Stereotype of bloggers surrounded by cats borne out by this thread.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:14 PM
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102

Loyal, comforting and wonderful smells like buttbreath?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:14 PM
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101: in fact I was tricked into getting my cats by my co-blogger, as part of what I now believe to be a sinister initiation ritual.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:16 PM
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102: Given that you're obviously terrifically stoned, and also surrounded by what appeared to be, in that video at least, thousands of cats, at least one of which has clearly never had anything to eat but the contents of very old thermometers, and so therefore could be holding a sharp object to your throat as you type, I'll let you off the hook for your unkind statement. And also ask that you not knock my hobbies.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:18 PM
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Type with just one hand, I should have said. Sorry. I didn't mean to diminish your prowess. Particularly given the danger you face.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:20 PM
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You know what smells bad? Vitamins. I just opened the cabinet where ours live, and boy, yuck.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:21 PM
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107

I'm knocking your hobbies like they were yesterday's pinata.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:21 PM
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You know what smells bad? Vitamins.

For real. They smell like an unwholesome combination of fake citrus flavour and rancid yeast.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:24 PM
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109

Yeah, and B complex vitamins give you awful breath. But lots of energy.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:25 PM
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Think this glucosamine stuff is going to make all my precociously elderly aches and pains melt away?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:25 PM
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107: Jesus, Heebie, what are you on? Must be something stronger than smelling salts.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:25 PM
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As well as lifting weights would?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:26 PM
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Are smelling salts strong? Truth be told, I feel only moderately loopy but I've got a rockin sense of all-is-right-with-the-world.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:28 PM
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114

Yay. Sounds like Vicodin treats you the same as it does me.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:31 PM
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I've got a rockin sense of all-is-right-with-the-world.

Yup, that's the Vicodin talking.

And, returning for a moment to cats and dogs: it seems to me that a good cat is a truly great thing. But good cats are hard to come by. They are born not made. Good dogs, by contrast, are relatively common. Because dogs, far more social creatures than cats, are reflections of their people. If you raise a dog right, it will, except in unfortunate cases, be a good dog. With a cat you're taking your chances.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:31 PM
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116

I'm pretty bad at lifting weights. Also at going to the gym regularly. Maybe someday I'll get better at both.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:31 PM
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Pwned on the Vicodin comment. But only because of my dogged determination to get to the bottom of the other issue.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:32 PM
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and B complex vitamins give you awful breath

Huh. And here I thought I was the only one who was, like, burping midway through the morning and saying to myself, Oh right, there's the B vitamins.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:34 PM
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True: there are great cats and awful cats. Get the friendliest kitten you can find and you'll be fine. And there are no unfriendly dogs, but we sure had a pair of supremely stupid dogs when I was growing up.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:34 PM
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But good cats are hard to come by. They are born not made.

IME, lots of households have a dipstick who chucks around kttens like a rag doll, then is shocked, shocked when that kitten grows up to be a nutty animal who scratches people.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:35 PM
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116: Yeah, I'm bad at lifting weights too. But when I've done it regularly, I've felt great. Grrrrr! Elastic! Healthy!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:36 PM
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Everyone should lift weights. Unfortunately, lots of people mistyakenly think weightlifting is for bodybuilders and football players rather than a good habit for the masses.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:43 PM
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mistyakenly? gah


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:43 PM
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Some dogs smell regardless of how often you wash them: IME, retrievers, e.g.

Both dogs and cats have many drawbacks. How about a nice fern?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:45 PM
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Ari's picking a fight. Cats and dogs aren't much different in terms of their susceptibility to upbringing. I'd say cats are more able to rebound, which is why I like them. I haven't met many bad cats.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:49 PM
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Ferns require all kinds of watering, Bave, are you kidding?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:51 PM
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I want a sensitive-plant. (Video!)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:57 PM
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I just saw Once. Verdict: it was pretty good.

Better than pretty good: ribeyes, bourbon, chocolate cake, salty caramel ice cream.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 10:57 PM
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People own pets because they want to take small actions each day that allow them to feel needed by another living creature. By owning a pet, you create an artificial situation in which a small furry thing depends on you completely, and you congratulate yourself for your compassion in maintaining that creature's life and well-being and bask in the creature's apparent adoration -- to the extent that you are able to ignore your own role in creating the original situation of dependency.

A cactus would be a poor replacement for this type of emotional scenario. A fern or an orchid that requires daily misting fits the bill much better.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:02 PM
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I owned two or three sensitive plants when I was a kid. Then I got a dog.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:03 PM
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I had a Venus fly-trap one summer. I was working at a kids' educational camp and wanted a little friend. I loved my fly-trap, but while I was gone, one of the counselors, who was stuck in my office all day with a troublesome kid, overfed it (cruelly catching flies for it and force-feeding it!) and it died. Smelled terrible, of course, but it would have been cool to see it grow up to be big and healthy.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:05 PM
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I have sensitive cats.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:06 PM
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Resurrection plants are pretty good for the careless waterer.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:07 PM
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People own pets because they want to take small actions each day that allow them to feel needed by another living creature their damn kids to shut up about getting a pet.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:08 PM
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Let's get back to commiserating about this goddamn universal cold. Very frustrating. I know someone who was just diagnosed with whooping cough, which I had thought was a disease that lived only in 19th century novels. My cough is not whooping, but it is loud and frequent.

This winter feels like the first chapter of an thriller, the last few weeks of normalcy before it becomes clear as that 99.9% of humanity is going to die off from a mysterious superbug released from a secret government laboratory.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:11 PM
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I like cats, but I find that even a really great cat is not as good a companion as a dog. Fundamentally, the cat doesn't care that you exist.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:14 PM
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AWB had it right earlier: the Russian Baths have remarkable curative powers. If you're not lucky enough to have a similar establishment in your town, build a sweat lodge.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:15 PM
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My solution for not ignoring plants is grow herbs that you really want to eat. Then you'll pay attention to them. In return, you get amazing pesto and sauces and ....

What's not to like?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:18 PM
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I need to get back to growing herbs. I had some really nice chives, basil, and cilantro in my window for a while. I am trying to think of any savory food that wouldn't benefit from one of those three things, and I am at a loss. Now, my only plant is a frighteningly hardy bamboo that Tonks got for me four years ago.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:22 PM
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What's not to like?

I don't know, maybe the fundamentally exploitative relationship?!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:23 PM
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This made me think of Heebie.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:26 PM
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Indifference to suffering is the closest to happiness one can get in this life. Remember, if you are fond of a jug, think "I am fond of a jug"; for should it break you will not be troubled. If you kiss your own child or wife, think that you are kissing a human. For when it dies, you will not be troubled. We can learn a lot from the cats in our lives.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:30 PM
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142: I earnestly hope this is how your dissertation reads, Ben.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:37 PM
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Nobody writes like the Stoics any more. The wisdom tradition has been driven out of the philosophy departments and is ekeing out a miserable existence in the self-help section.

You should become one of those positive psychology guys, w-lfs-n. That is a movement that badly needs more pessimists. Then it would be less annoying.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:46 PM
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The post is so true. I was out for nearly a week with some sort of flu, then as soon as I was over it I developed some sort of mostly benign but still irritating cold. Mostly just stuffy nose and sore throat, occasional sneezing. I got some Sudafed (via the ridiculous process of picking up a card and taking it to the pharmacy to sign your name so they can track you down if they think you're using it to make meth) and it's done wonders for it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:50 PM
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I can't figure out what dipping is.

Putting snuff between your lower lip and jaw.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03- 1-08 11:51 PM
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Plus, dogs crap outside. Game, set, match.

Having had both dogs and cats (and liking both), dogs are way way way more work. And the fact that they don't crap in a box is a big part of that.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 12:46 AM
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Also, I haven't been sick this winter aside from the got so exhausted from not sleeping I had to take a day off work variety, but both the little ones are all feverish and unhappy right now. So maybe it's coming.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 1:07 AM
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Plus, dogs crap outside

So do cats, if you let them go outside. We haven't had a cat box in years. *And* the cat buries its own crap.

Basically, although I like dogs okay, the problem is that the best dogs are big dogs. And then when they want attention, you've got this very large (and, yeah, they do kinda smell) animal all up in your face.

Whereas when the cat gets all up in your face (cats don't care if you exist? You people are obviously not kind enough to your cats), it's kind of small, and its tongue is dry, and it generally smells either like dust (which is a pretty neutral smell) or maybe like lavender or rosemary, if it's been outside in the garden. And it's not so huge that it overwhelms you, or is capable of knocking you over if it gets too excited.

Plus, purring. Dogs don't purr.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 1:46 AM
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Hey Bitch, Wanna go to bed?


Posted by: MrBitchPhd | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 2:05 AM
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Stop following me around, man.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 2:09 AM
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B is not a dog person, doesn't want to be followed around all the time.
I have a large dog, but he is even more high maintenance than a regular dog- brushing long haired breeds sucks (although my wife usually does it.)


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 4:27 AM
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I only raise pets I enjoy eating; that way I can be sure I'll remember to feed them.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 6:44 AM
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Boy, did I miss the fun. The party's over. Sniff.

My beloved grandnephew wore out at least three people yesterday, between crying hopelessly and being super cute. He has no middle gear.

Asians say that honkies smell like dogs, though many profess to be fond of the smell. All those supposedly submissive little wives you hear about think of their honky husbands as lovable, sexy but rather stupid, smelly pets. You heard it here first.

There's a gland westerners have that Asians don't that is responsible for the stink. Supposedly it can be surgically removed.

I used to know a very attractive young woman who dipped. Hopefully she's quit by now. She later became a field geologist and married her professor. I can't google her because I forgot her husband's name.

For the mission in 144, I am the very man! Pessimism galore!

I laugh at your colds and flus. Later on you can laugh at my cancer.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:30 AM
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cats don't care if you exist? You people are obviously not kind enough to your cats

I am kind to my cat. She purrs and plays fetch and is generally lovely. But she'd be quite okay with any other human.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:56 AM
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One of my cats likes pretty much everyone after he's gotten a chance to get to know them. The other one pretty much only likes me, although he'll grudgingly tolerate other people.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:03 AM
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i had a bad cold in August, coughed almost a month, but that was first due to irritation from formalin which i used to fix cells, my boss was very kind to order a fan to dissipate the fume, i do the fixation in the hood, but then i have to take photos and the plates smelled even through the mask
so imagine our surprise when instead of the fan we got a fan grill (shaped like fan or target) i think he did not read the description of the product
i took almost all antibiotics i brought though have of course student's insurance
this winter was cold-free
what helps me most is cranberry juice if without sugar, hot milk with chocolate or honey


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:05 AM
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153: Pets or meat.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:10 AM
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You can quantify your cat's love for you. Set a heating blanket at 5 degrees higher than your lap temperature and find out which one she prefers. Most cats prefer a warm clothesdryer to any human.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:16 AM
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And then, I forgot to say, keep setting the temperature up. Some cats may think you're worth 5 degrees, others 10 degrees, but at some point they abandon you.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:19 AM
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A truly loyal cat prefers the oven.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:22 AM
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I think that cats belong in a well-seasoned stew. Too skinny to roast.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 8:25 AM
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I guess everyone's off satisfying their carnal desires or attending church. Or maybe engaging in wholesome outdoor activities, or eating gourmet vegan meals.

Motherfuckers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:05 AM
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Clearly, unsafe blogging spreads disease. Don't sneeze on the keys! Wrap it before you tap ... the keyboard.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:05 AM
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163: I know it's puzzling. Wherefore art thou, motherfuckers!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:07 AM
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Only recently has if become known that among the communicable computer viruses are rhinovirus, coronavirus, parainfluenza virus, syncytial virus, adenovirus, enterovirus, and metapneumovirus. It is hoped that HIV viruses infecting computers are not communicable.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:13 AM
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164, 166 were, eerily, kinda pwned by a famous-yet-middling sci-fi novel.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:15 AM
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Come back, ye of the love-monkey congregation! Close your hymnbooks, put away your sex toys, wipe the pew clean for the next celebrant, and return to your imaginary friends.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:37 AM
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Yeah, I can't believe I'm the first to link to this piece of crap....


Posted by: Katherine | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:48 AM
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or not.


Posted by: Katherien | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:51 AM
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163 -- Or maybe for some reason blackberry comments wouldn't go through.

154 -- JE, you can look up someone by their original name on privateeye.com and find out their married name(s).

I just picked up the Post, and took a look at the sports page, while waiting for the news. Portland State beat Montana 108-52. They had beaten Montana State by 28. The Vikings are likely to go to the tournament, I think, and might get a couple of rounds in.


Posted by: Napi | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 10:57 AM
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169: I read that one just after reading the Linda Hirshman companion piece.

It's nice to see the Post make an effort to include women's voices, eh?


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 11:18 AM
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171: I found her under her maiden name, which I had misspelled. She seems to be an ecologist or botanist now.

At one time North Dakota State (Fargo), Pittsburg State (KS), and Portland State were perennial Division II title contenders in football. 4 of the 6 Emerson siblings lived in one of those obscure cities. We were a Division II family, I guess.

NDU (Grand Forks) beat Minnesota in football last year. I have many inlaws with a NDU connection, including one who played football there. They fully expected to win, too, and were pissed at having been called underdogs.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 11:18 AM
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Dipping was what the true assholes did in my high school.

I have previously mentioned in this forum that I was one of the few males in my HS who didn't dip Skoal. An earlier adverse experience turned me off the habit forever.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 12:34 PM
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Outdoor cats can get pretty rank.

You know what smells unbearably rank? A cat with late-stage terminal cancer, half the flesh of which has turned necrotic.

Fleur's parents couldn't bring themselves to put down their old, sick cat. I finally took their cat to the vet myself for a Gnadenschuss of sodium pentathol.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 12:39 PM
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167: Snow Crash read awfully like a comic book. I think I remember reading it was originally supposed to be one. I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but I rather like some others of his books.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 3:16 PM
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175: I really hate it when pet owners refuse to face up to their pets terminal diseases. There's nothing like watching somebody run up thousands of dollars in bills, engage in bedside vigils, get kitty dialysis and chemo, etc. It's a pet, goddamnit.


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 3:33 PM
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I know someone who was just diagnosed with whooping cough, which I had thought was a disease that lived only in 19th century novels.

My doctor told me it's making a comeback. There's a booster for it mixed in with the tetanus vaccine, though. So if you're due for a tetanus shot, it could be good to get it for both reasons.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 4:47 PM
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177: I dunno, man. My sister's cat had breast cancer, and my sister paid like $1400 for the operation to remove the tumor. And about 4 years later, the cat's doing just fine, with basically no health problems (except for being old and arthritic). I think the money she spent was way more than worth it to her. I'm not a pet person, but I get why people do this.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 4:53 PM
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Trashbag and a taipipe. Cures all pet ailments.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:03 PM
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tailpipe, damnit


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:03 PM
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leblanc--some people spend a lot more than that, though. Tens of thousands. Kidney transplants for cats are my particular pet peeve, since you're making another cat donate a kidney. Plus they cost about $10k.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:10 PM
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My sister's cat was diagnosed with cancer last winter. Now the cat has only 3 legs but has been cancer free since the operation. She can still run, jump, etc. and doesn't - judging by body language, facial expressions, meowing - seem much different than before. Just older. My family's other cat was diagnoses with cancer last summer. A day later she was gone.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:15 PM
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182 is how we know there is no God, because our civilization surely would have gotten the Gomorrah treatment by now.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:18 PM
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182: since you're making another cat donate a kidney

All those poor pussies waking up without a clue in bathtubs of ice with a scar on their (side? back? where the hell are cat kidneys?). Oh the felinity!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03- 2-08 7:20 PM
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