Re: Kiss Off

1

Glad to have missed this!

What are they advertising?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:13 PM
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So sick of them, you're getting right the fuck out of the city!


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:14 PM
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They're all over New York City. Wasn't sure if the ads were elsewhere as well. (I think I've also seen a few TV ads but I could be misremembering.)


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:15 PM
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I haven't see a single one. But I see the Tudors everywhere.

Someone should change "Gene" to "Richard."


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:16 PM
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At that rate he'll never catch Wilt Chamberlain.


Honestly though, isn't this a bit of a man bites dog story?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:16 PM
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Well, someone has to link to the Gene Simmons sex tape.

He's probably just figuring that he slept with at least one new woman after each show or something, right? Maybe only the ones he's recognize today should count. But that wouldn't be very rock n' roll.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:17 PM
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That works out to be a different woman every day for more than 12 years.

Spread it out over the 40-odd years he's been sexxoring, and it's a different woman every third day or so. I guess a long weekend = long term relationship for Gene.


Posted by: wrenae | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:18 PM
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There's no reason to assume serial sex. After all, every time you take four women back to the bus after a show, you can skip a few days and still keep your average up.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:20 PM
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That's a lot of oxytocin! He must have trouble forming lasting relationships these days.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:21 PM
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(Unless he's been married 4600 times.)


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:22 PM
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Are they really fucking to Foreigner in that clip, or is that post-production?


Posted by: Michael Vanderwheel, B.A. | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:23 PM
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4600 times and he never took off his shirt.


Posted by: asl | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:25 PM
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it's not that many when you consider that he is older than the Sun.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:25 PM
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Are they really fucking to Foreigner in that clip, or is that post-production?

Sweet catch. I was watching with the sound off. Seems like it's ambient.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:27 PM
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I suspect that to a large degree, populations get the ads they deserve.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:32 PM
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I don't want to watch him get it on, but I do want to know how many minutes coitus lasts for GS. Can one of you fellas clock it?


Posted by: wrenae | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:33 PM
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I don't think it's the whole tape, wrenae.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:36 PM
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You're going to trust a camera, wrenae?

There's really only one way to be sure of a decent measurement. By the sounds of it, that wouldn't be too hard to arrange.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:37 PM
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Is it clear whether Becks objects to the number or to the bragging?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:37 PM
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Granting that women want to have sex with Gene Simmons, why would would they choose intercourse?


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:38 PM
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20: Quid pro quo. See the comments of that fellow who no longer posts on the other thread.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:40 PM
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There is absolutely no way 4600 women were willing to have sex with Gene Simmons. No. Way.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:41 PM
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19: Or, to be reasonable, Gene Simmons.


22: You haven't spent much time around a band, have you?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:44 PM
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4600 times and he never took off his shirt.

And pants still around the ankles. What a stud. From the first clip, it looks like he also has bad breath.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:44 PM
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heterosexuals are all sluts, Robust


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:44 PM
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4600 is promiscuous these days?


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:49 PM
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From the first clip, it looks like he also has bad breath.

Apparently one of the most effective things you can do to combat bad breath is scrape or brush your tongue. You can see how this would pose a special problem for Mr. Simmons.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:50 PM
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4600 is promiscuous these days?

Wouldn't that depend on how many years? I mean, look at him.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:55 PM
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His Terry Gross interview is more disgusting/awesome.


Posted by: Moby Ape | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:57 PM
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Well sure it *sounds* like a lot, but in truth it could be as little as 230 hours of intercourse.


Posted by: Tom | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 3:59 PM
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Is the slut-shaming really necessary, Becks?


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:06 PM
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4600 is promiscuous these days?

Wouldn't that depend on how many years? I mean, look at him.

Maybe he just took part in two 2,300 woman orgies and is counting himself as having slept with every female participant.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:07 PM
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two 2,300 woman orgies

One for the primary and one for the general.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:09 PM
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scrape or brush your tongue. You can see how this would pose a special problem for Mr. Simmons.

He would've had time for no more than 4000, ahem, encounters.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:10 PM
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Seriously, though, what is the add for? Ultra-durable condoms?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:11 PM
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Well sure it *sounds* like a lot, but in truth it could be as little as 230 hours of intercourse.

With a little work ethic and a good logistics team, you could knock this off in 3 weeks easy.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:12 PM
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Oh, no. I've fallen prey to a laughing fit at this thread.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:14 PM
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With a little work ethic and a good logistics team, you could knock this off in 3 weeks easy.

With a bigger work ethic and a better logistics team, you could do it in under 10 days.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:14 PM
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With a bigger work ethic and a better logistics team, you could do it in under 10 days.

What, and never savor the moment? Heathen.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:16 PM
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Without false modesty, I must say that it is difficult for me to imagine finding 4600 women whose interest in me, and in whom my interest, rises to the sex-having level.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:17 PM
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Sure, Flippanter, but this just illustrates why you aren't good material for fronting a 70s/80s hair and makeup band.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:19 PM
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40: Probably true for all of us who do not have a high enough profile to need a shitty stick on hand 24/7. Even 'smasher has to cast about in shallow pools like the rest of us single folk, instead of just taking the next person in the queue.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:21 PM
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Oh, I really wished I hadn't just watched Gene Simmons have awkward sex with that lady. In the second video, in which she tries to change positions (in a way that looks a lot more bored than lusty), I got a little sad.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:25 PM
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When ben said `follow the links people', he really didn't mean *all* of them, AWB.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:27 PM
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I like that scene in Spinal Tap where the guys are hanging out with some groupies after their first tour gig, and then a couple of scenes later you see them going off to an interview or something with their mouths covered in cold-sores.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:29 PM
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I can easily imagine there being 4600 women out there who I would want to have sex with and who would want to have sex with me, but I suspect I would be very unlikely to meet most of them.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:29 PM
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47

That's what the internets are for, teo.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:33 PM
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To heal you, if you also watched the GS sex, here is a video of Flocke the baby polar bear learning to swim.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:33 PM
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More videos of Flocke being her adorable self here.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:35 PM
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Alas, the future does not look bright for little Flocke.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:37 PM
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That's what the internets are for, teo.

Why do you think I spend so much time here?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:39 PM
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One at a time, Teo.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:40 PM
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One at a time, Teo.

Why do you think I've been spending so little time here?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:42 PM
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Why? Is she engaged to psycho Knut?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:42 PM
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50: That's about the third article they've published calling a small bear psychotic. The Daily Mail's blood feud with a zoo animal tickles me to no end.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:42 PM
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There are certainly more women commenting on unfogged than there used to be, but 4600? Maybe you should expand your reading habits, teo.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:42 PM
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Don't we have a presidential commenter with a lifetime record in this range?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:43 PM
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50: Holy shit, this white=psycho self-promoter problem is even broader than we realized!


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:44 PM
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A mentally healthy polar bear attacks and dismembers people and eats the good parts.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:45 PM
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There are certainly more women commenting on unfogged than there used to be, but 4600?

You're forgetting the lurkers. They're all over me in e-mail.

Maybe you should expand your reading habits, teo.

This, however, is a good suggestion. How many women read EotAW?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:45 PM
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Why does it have to be an accomplishment *or* be disturbing? Can't it be a disturbing accomplishment?


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:46 PM
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How many women read EotAW?

Lonely nymphomaniacs are pretty much their core audience.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:48 PM
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At the risk of sounding like (1) a man and (2) an analytic philosopher I suggest that the reason 4600 partners sounds disturbed is that there is an assumed quantity/quality trade-off, which sounds like it is reinforced by the videos. (I can't watch the videos because they are NSFawake kids running around the house)

If we were talking about 4600 really high quality (for both partners) encounters, it would be an achievement worth bragging about.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:49 PM
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Lonely nymphomaniacs are pretty much their core audience.

Excellent. Maybe I should go to grad school in history after all.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:51 PM
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If we were talking about 4600 really high quality (for both partners) encounters, it would be an achievement worth bragging about.

I guess that's the difference between:
dude, I bagged like 5000 hot chixors

holy crap is my life lucky, I meet all these amazing women and we have great mindblowing sex, like 10 times a week. You can't even imagine

Somehow it sounds like he's more in the first camp.

Also, 4600 partners and he hasn't tried a few guys for variety?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:57 PM
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No one said they were women, Teo.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:58 PM
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67

Since my beloved girlfriend is likely to start reading Unfogged any day now, I should probably emphasize that I'm only kidding and I'm very happy with her.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 4:59 PM
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Excellent. Maybe I should go to grad school in history after all.

Dissertation topic: April Fools


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:00 PM
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I can't be the only one who thought a comment like 67 was inevitable.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:01 PM
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I slept with Gene Simmons 4600 times.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:01 PM
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I wonder how many people in the world have had sex with the same person 4600 or more times.


Posted by: peter` | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:02 PM
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70: Ogged shares Naruto's harem power.


Posted by: peter` | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:04 PM
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beloved girlfriend

Didn't you only just sodomize her last week?


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:05 PM
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You know how much oxytocin he had saved up?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:06 PM
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71: From age 15 to age 60 is 2080 weeks, so that would be slightly more than twice a week during that time. Is 3x/week normal in a late-stage marriage between 50-year-olds?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:09 PM
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"Age 20"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:10 PM
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late-stage marriage

Love it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:11 PM
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This reminds me of the reaction of one of my college friends when Wilt Chamberlain made his claims about the extent of his sexual contexts. It was around the same time that a hacker had released the first computer virus to spread into the wild beyond the lab (sweet nostalgia: it propagated by way of floppy disks). My friend observed, apropos of Chamberlain: "It's like the guy who created that computer virus: the morals of it are dubious, but you can't help but admire the technical accomplishment."


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:17 PM
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75: It probably helps if you get a good run of 2/day averages in your twenties or whatever. It probably also helps if you never have kids.

I don't really know why you specified 1 partner though, the question more like: what's an average lifetime count.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:22 PM
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78: in fact, I think it was probably not the first computer virus in the wild (that happened earlier) but Robert Morris's internet worm -- the first worm to really fuck with the internet -- which hit in 1988, a few years before Wilt's second autobiography, in 1991, which was the source of the 20,000 women claim.

Pedant-o-nerd-a-thon.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:24 PM
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I don't really know why you specified 1 partner though

Probably because he was responding to 71.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:25 PM
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The roommate never misses an episode of the Gene & Shannon Show on whatever cable channel.
Joke premise of episode is on Gene at least 75% on the time. Gene goes skiing, breaks ankle type thing. Gene cleans up dogshit. This is why we lead separate lives ten feet apart.

AFAIK, Simmons has been faithful to Tweed for around 15 years, so y'all need to revisit your long division on the 4600.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:27 PM
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The two-a-day period was less than a year in my case. By the fourth year it was a relatively good day if we both said goodbye at the end of a phone call. I'm old, but not a good source on the late-stage marriage due to an acute and deadly condition during the early stage.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:28 PM
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AFAIK, Simmons has been faithful to Tweed for around 15 years

That's not a 15-year-old video in the linked post.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:31 PM
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On Ben Stein's now-defunct talk show, Simmons claims to have kept count via Polaroids. I suppose one day the Library of Congress will inherit the collection.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:32 PM
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Or the Vatican's art museum, perhaps.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:32 PM
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Following on #84, I think Simmons is explicitly allowed by Tweed to sleep with other people. I remember reading something like that.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:33 PM
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Is 3x/week normal in a late-stage marriage between 50-year-olds?

Why do you ask?


Posted by: Viagra | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:33 PM
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85: It's much faster than making plaster casts.

On the other hand, polaroid went out of business. I hope he's stocked up on film.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:34 PM
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That's not an accomplishment to be celebrated

Becks probably thinks Sir Edmund Hillary was disturbed.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:34 PM
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87: Huh. Google suggests that I'm wrong.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:34 PM
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87: That's not so unusal an arrangement.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:34 PM
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Probably because he was responding to 71.

ah, different question then; intercourse isn't fungible.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:36 PM
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Oh. And IIRC from the show, Simmons rarely ever drinks even a glass of wine, has never taken a pill, avoids even doctor prescribed medicine, and didn't indulge in drinks & drugs during the kiss days. This must have given him much time & stamina.

In one episode, Simmons takes a stress test, brags that he can lower his heart rate at will. The doctors don't believe him, so while on the treadmill, he lowers his heartbeat to below 70. Then he goes into irreversible afib, and straight into surgery.

Hilarious, huh.

The lady will not let me talk abou CDS's & CDO's, but I have to hear Gene & Shannon stories. Thus are healthy relationships maintained.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:36 PM
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He tried daguerreotypes at first, but he realized that the women never showed up in the resulting pictures.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:37 PM
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I didn't know he had a show. My life has probably not improved by knowing this.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:38 PM
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Aside from learning in this thread that Simmons is involved in music, I don't actually know who he is. And I'm not planning to seek out that information.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:40 PM
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97: the answer is in the post, really. You've probably dated yourself with that comment.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:43 PM
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slept with

Kill this please.


Posted by: Inkeri | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:46 PM
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100

We both watch a lot of movies. When we talk about movies she asks:"Wait, did any humans get blown up or eaten, in a light-hearted manner? If not, just go away."

So Kim Ki-Duk and Babel are out of the question.

I understand nihilism, from personal experience.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:46 PM
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He's a guy who's all over advertisements I've never seen in a city I'm living in, apparently. I am timeless.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:46 PM
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I don't actually know who he is

C'mon, eb. Surely you recognize this guy.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 5:58 PM
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I took the risk of actually clicking on that link. I don't recognize him. I believe my ignorance of music has been made clear once and for all.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:00 PM
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Quid pro quo. See the comments of that fellow who no longer posts on the other thread.

You mean that one Unfogged thread about sex? Link, please?

No matter. I would think that giving Gene Simmons a blowjob would be a small price to pay to discover whether he is as orally talented as he is endowed, particularly for someone who is already inclined to have sex with him, so I don't get why the quid pro quo should steer anybody away.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:01 PM
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He's a guy who's all over advertisements I've never seen in a city I'm living in, apparently. I am timeless oblivious.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:03 PM
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Someone knows what I'm talking about. (NSFW)


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:03 PM
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105: Actually, I'm willing to bet that I've seen the ads (not the tv ones) but never noticed or paid attention to them. But I'd already written and posted that comment.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:05 PM
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I don't recognize him.

Were you raised in a Skinner box or something?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:06 PM
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A Skinner box?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:07 PM
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Skinner box.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:12 PM
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That looks like my crib! Ah, memories.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:14 PM
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Parsimon in 37 is exactly right.

Also, yay Teo! I've been here less, didn't see the announcement. Or is he kidding? Damn you, irony; damn you, sarcasm. And damn litotes, too, for good measure.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:28 PM
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110. Heh. My wife's cousin's husband was raised in a Skinner Box, or whatever the human equivalent was called. He is mostly normal.
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1O87-aircrib.html


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:31 PM
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Didn't you only just sodomize her last week?


Did teo divulge that detail?? Or are just assuming that teo is a sodomizer?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:36 PM
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If I recall correctly, Skinner himself spent a good amount of time in a Skinner box.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:38 PM
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There is absolutely no way 4600 women were willing to have sex with Gene Simmons.

I guess there's just no way any of them wanted an encore.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:41 PM
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117

How many of those were oral sex?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:42 PM
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an advantage claimed for the air crib is that, because the baby's crying is almost inaudible from the outside

I'm sold.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 6:43 PM
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114: You really need to read the archives. All of them.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 7:27 PM
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According to teh internets, Jessica Hahn was one of the 4600. It kind of blows my mind to learn that "The Demon" also had sex with Jim Bakker's favorite church secretary.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 7:53 PM
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Robert Morris's internet worm

I go watch one episode of Rockford Files and miss a chance to wave my tiny nerd cock around. Sigh. This is just like that time I missed pub quiz the week they actually had Twin Peaks as a category (unless KR is thinking of Michelangelo - which was early '92 - as that one was transmitted by floppies though I confess I had to look it up to make sure I had correctly recalled it).


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 04- 3-08 9:35 PM
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the rockford files theme song came up randomly on my ipod the other day, causing me to annoy everyone in the aa meeting by dancing around going "nah nah nanana...nanana nhu nhu" etc.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 4:40 AM
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80 & 121: You nerds have got me dead to rights. I was conflating the Morris episode with the 1992 episode that RMMP describes, and mischaracterizing both to boot. Y'all should know never to trust a humanities major to get the facts right in these matters.

Tweety correctly surmised that I was thinking of the Morris worm and the 1991 Chamberlain biography.

I might have to turn said friend on to unfogged just so he can relive this glorious bon mot (made even more glorious by the horrified silence of the wimmin classmates at the table). Also, because he confided to me the other night that he wastes time at work by watching youtube and reading redsox.com; heobviously needs a less lame way to slack off. (FWIW, by my crude calculation, I can slack off 1.6X as much as him for the same net drain on the economy.)


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:15 AM
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