Re: They Just Need Space

1

Are those crickets I hear?


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 4:57 PM
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2

Hm, are you and the girl going kayaking?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 5:04 PM
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3

Sharks!


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 5:26 PM
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4

going kayaking

That's a euphemism I haven't heard before.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 5:31 PM
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5

Well, if it was sex, it wouldn't take all weekend. It would just take 3-13 minutes.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 5:58 PM
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6

Each time, mind you.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:00 PM
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7

Not counting oarplay.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:01 PM
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8

3-13 minutes

The rapids!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:05 PM
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9

What did you guys decide on that 3-13 minutes thing? Because if 3 minutes is acceptable, that's going to be a huge time-saver.


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:08 PM
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10

Um. Not even off the front page!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:09 PM
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11

What did you decide

Zippy has been reading for comity.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:13 PM
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12

That's a euphemism I haven't heard before

"Playing 'hide the kayak'" is the more common form.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:14 PM
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13

I don't want to read that whole thread!


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:26 PM
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14

Oh, none of us agreed that I remember. But the therapists say 3 minutes is acceptable, and I think ogged's going to run with that.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:29 PM
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15

"Baby, I want to explore your inlets, paddle your estuaries and cross your tidal basin. Aw, yeah."


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:29 PM
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16

Do you guys want to hear a necrophiliac joke?


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:33 PM
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17

I once heard that the Eskimos have 42 words for "rolling" a kayak.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:33 PM
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18

16: Over my dead body.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:34 PM
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19

I'll take that as a yes:

"I used to be a necrophiliac until that rotten cunt split on me!"


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:35 PM
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20

19: That's good, but it'd be better if it were the punchline after two other people gave reasons why they'd given up some more acceptable sexual habit. E.g., The first guy says, " I used to be into getting tied up until one girl just left me there and took my wallet." I'm just cribbing that from events on Seinfeld, I'm sure there are better ones.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 6:51 PM
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21

20: I think you're right. That's a good example because it includes the theme of someone leaving or "splitting."


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:02 PM
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22

Maybe start with bondage, then talk about a pedophile whose "partner" got too old for him, then close with the necrophilac.


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:11 PM
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23

Coprophilia was fun at first, but after a while it just gets to be the same old shit.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:13 PM
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24

La zoophilie: c'est vachement fou!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:24 PM
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25

"Playing 'hide the kayak'" is the more common form.

You mean "the man in the kayak."

(I am ignoring the revolting jokes subthread that seems to be developing.)


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:27 PM
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26

"Playing 'hide the kayak'" is the more common form.

Don't forget your spray skirt!


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:41 PM
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27

"I used to be a gerontophile, but after a while, it got old."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:47 PM
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25: I am ignoring the revolting jokes subthread

Stay over here then, mcmanus is in fine form over on "Make Them Want It".


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:47 PM
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29

"At first I thought she was cool with it when I told her I was a frotteur, but apparently it rubbed her the wrong way."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:52 PM
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30

I used to be into Frotteurism, but then I realized I was rubbing people the wrong way.

OK KR ... I challenge you to a rub off in comment 31. I ain't deleting this one just because of a lousy 15 seconds or so.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:55 PM
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31

Rubber match, you mean?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 7:57 PM
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32

30: a lousy 15 seconds or so

... or 3 minutes either.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:01 PM
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33

I asked a French girl if she knew what a golden shower was, and she said, "Oui."


Posted by: Rutherford B. Youngman | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:02 PM
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34

28: I haven't clicked that thread because Shearer's in it.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:11 PM
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35

When asked if he knew what kind of girl he was looking for, the masochist said, "Beats the hell out of me!"


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:18 PM
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36

34 seems somehow counter-intuitive.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:20 PM
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37

"I want to get off on autoerotic asphyxiation, but whenever I try get up the nerve do it, I choke."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:27 PM
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38

36: No, no, I'm not the one that goes out of my way to read infuriating drivel; that's Labs.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:32 PM
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39

I don't know why my latex fetishist girlfriend broke up with me. Did I rubber the wrong way?

Can we give the pony play a rest hon? I'm sick of just horsing around.

Alright, we can do watersports, as long as you quit pissing and moaning all the time.

Anal was great until you started being such a hard-ass about it.

Baby, why won't you wear this diaper?


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:40 PM
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40

"I knew it was risky to hook up with a girl who would indulge in my diaper fetish with me, but we took great care to cover our asses."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:41 PM
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41

Masturbating was fine at first. Then it got out of hand.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:42 PM
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42

When I have to choose between bondage and any other fetish, it's a tie.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:45 PM
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43

I was going to go out with a woman who had the most beautiful feet -- but she stood me up.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:48 PM
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44

"She caught me trying on her underwear and got her panties all in a wad."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:49 PM
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45

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, you'd better be at a furry party."


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:51 PM
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46

I asked him to go bareback, and he said "Sure, but why do I always have to be the horse?" And I said, "That's what she said!"


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:57 PM
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47

I used to be into spanking, but then it hit me: [ohfucki'mtoodrunktofinishthisjoke]


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:58 PM
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48

"I've tried everything I could think of to get over my obsession with amelotatism, but now I'm stumped."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 8:59 PM
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49

When I broke up with the spanko, it really knocked me on my ass.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:00 PM
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50

48 is very good.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:04 PM
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51

39.1: I don't know why my latex fetishist girlfriend broke up with me. Did I rubber the wrong way?

AKA, I used to be into Zentai, until I saw this video. (You may want to skip ahead to about 4:30, although there is a certain fascination in trying to figure out why they bothered to film the first two-thirds ... or the last third for that matter, I guess.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:13 PM
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52

Pedophilia? You've got to be kidding.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:30 PM
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53

I thought about becoming a nullo, but when it came right down to it, I just didn't have balls enough to go through with it.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:35 PM
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54

All subsequent entries are much better than mine, in that they actually engage in wordplay. Nevertheless, I take all credit for suggesting the project.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:52 PM
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55

"My girlfriend finally figured out what I meant when I said I was an ephebophile; it was on the vocabulary list for her SAT prep course."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 9:59 PM
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56

"I used to whine and beg to get her to indulge my shoe fetish, but she finally put her foot down."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 10:02 PM
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48: I've tried everything I could think of to get over my obsession with amelotatism, but now I'm stumped.

Same with me and agalmatophilia, now I just spend all my time stoned.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 10:35 PM
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58

Not enough people are sensitive to the difference between ephebophilia and pedophilia.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 11:54 PM
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59

I used to be into mysophilia but it made me feel dirty.


Posted by: ixnaythemetier | Link to this comment | 04- 4-08 11:57 PM
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60

I wish I were hip enough not to be troubled by how easily these jokes come to you people.


Posted by: iancgdi | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 1:13 AM
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61

Sorry, I meant {squinting} "yew people!" where " = irony tags

honestly (cough) that's what I meant


Posted by: iancgdi | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 1:16 AM
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62

I used to be into exhibitionism, but my girlfriend saw right through me.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 1:57 AM
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63

I used to be feel shame and embarassment about my latex fetish, but my new girlfriend has helped me feel comfortable in my own skin.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:57 AM
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64

The state legislature had a different opinion on the matter, but I thought supporting three wives was awfully big o' me.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 7:28 AM
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65

53: Holy crap.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 7:43 AM
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66

When I said I was into ailurophilia she said "no more pussy".

Also, I woke up this morning imagining that thismust exist. Sure enough! (NSFW, also not very funny. Still, it exists!)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 7:54 AM
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67

"This is how I take my pleasure!" cried the dacryphiliac.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 8:20 AM
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68

66: "I see what you did there" make me smile, but yeah, mostly very unfunny.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 8:26 AM
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69

53: There's got to be some possible joke about jury nullification.


Posted by: Zippy the Comment Frog | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 8:31 AM
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70

I think Nullo would be a great clown name.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 8:35 AM
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71

68: "Invisible pubic hair" made me chuckle.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 9:42 AM
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72

the upthread jokes were intended unfunny, right?
not original, but in the spirit of nullo
so little vovik asks his mom
- mom, how were you born?
- i was found in the cabbage
- dad, how were you born?
- the tide brought me home
- and you, sis?
- the stork brought me too
- what's wrong with my family, nobody was born the normal way


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 10:14 AM
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I think Nullo would be a great clown name.

"Ladies and Gentlement, boys and girls, direct your attention to the center ring. Introducing, for the first time on this side of the Atlantic Ocean, straight from Palermo, Sicily: The Coglione Brothers: Nullo, Dangle, and Scrote!"


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 10:24 AM
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74

Alternate title for this thread: "The Aristocrats".


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 11:59 AM
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75

After more of the same old cock and bull, bestiality began to bore me.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 4:03 PM
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76

"If have something embarassing to confess to you. I like to relieve my sexual urges with livestock," Tom said sheepishly.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 4:27 PM
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77

"I'm choosing my words with a lot of precision: I enjoy being stared at by bears until I feel good," Tom said carefully.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 5:48 PM
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78

Friends, this has nothing to do with sex jokes, so forgive me, but I have to share with you the most delicious of beverages, which I have just concocted from a recipe of my own design.

First! Boil 2 cups of water and 1 cup of sugar in a saucepan for 4-5 minutes, and then add approximately 6 inches of peeled fresh ginger, sliced. Simmer for 10 to 15 minutes, strain out the ginger, and reduce the remaining liquid to an oozy syrup. Put the ginger in a Mason jar, pour over the syrup, cool to room temperature, and store in your refrigerator.

Later that same day! Pour an appropriate amount of cold gin into the glass of your choosing. Stir in two good teaspoons of the ginger syrup. Do you wish to add a piece of the candied ginger as well? By all means!

Stir vigorously! Top with a splash of soda water! Enjoy what I have decided to call the "Double Gin-ger."



Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 5:48 PM
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79

Sounds like a poor man's Gin-Gin Mule.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:03 PM
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80

Yummy, Mr. H.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:07 PM
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81

New England Eat-up at mrh's place!


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:08 PM
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82

79: I had one last night at Pegu! And 3 French Pearls!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:10 PM
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83

Gin-Gin Mule

Ooh. Sounds delish.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 04- 5-08 6:17 PM
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