Re: Modern Love: Keyboard Casanova Edition

1

I christen him Teh Game-boy.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:06 PM
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Reed College!


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:09 PM
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And he's (self)published... laydeez.


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:24 PM
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Rocky Horror Picture show: 26 and SE Clinton. Everyone's a geek at Reed, even the girls.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:36 PM
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But they're not just any geeks, John, they're geeks on drugs.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:41 PM
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Ah, lay off the kid. He learned his lesson.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:48 PM
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My eyes are rolling so hard I can't actually compose any response to that article.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:50 PM
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8

Oh, except "80th level paladin" immediately marks the author as a pose[u]r.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:51 PM
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6: We'll see about that. A member of our winemaking cabal is a current student; I'll have her dig around for the untold story.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:53 PM
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I did think he displayed adequate self-consciousness for someone who had been a total jackass and proceeded to tell it to Modern Love.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 3:55 PM
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At Reed hott women strip naked, paint themselves blue, and wander around in a crowd drunk and stoned men, and no one ogles or leers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:04 PM
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Jesus Christ. If the Modern Love editors would venture out on the intertubes more, maybe they wouldn't embarrass themselves by publishing this sort of thing. (The triumph of hope ever-diminishing recollection of the Times' reputation over experience.)


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:16 PM
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I was on campus for a concert one afternoon last year and saw hott women cooking naked in their first-floor dorm kitchen (the large windows of which look out onto one of the main pathways from the street). I neither ogled nor leered, but rather applauded them for their candor as well as their nubileness.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:18 PM
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Cooking naked is not for the faint of heart or delicate of skin. Ouch.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:19 PM
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11: That's not because of how sophisticated and worldly Reed students are; it's because they're so awkward they don't know how to act other than aloof. I recall plenty of casual sex at Reed, but it wasn't swingers swinging from bed to bed. It was people too awkward and inexperienced to know how to chat or date, so they clumsily ended up in bed.


Posted by: freight train | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:19 PM
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Applauding is a tool of Western hegemonic thinking, Jesus. Reed students prefer finger-snaps or ululation.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:20 PM
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I smiled at her. "Thanks," I said. "You'll be the only person on my contact list."

... because I don't have any friends.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:29 PM
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It was people too awkward and inexperienced to know how to chat or date, so they clumsily ended up in bed.

Welcome to twenty-first century America. Have you had a chance to peruse the wine list? May I offer you an aperitif?


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:41 PM
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Mmm - a glass of pinot grigio would be lovely, thanks. But I'll tell you: I've lived in twenty-first century America, and I've lived at (twentieth-century) Reed, and the former has nothing on the latter when it comes to pure social terror, cluelessness, and clumsiness.

Also, perhaps some cheese and crackers to go with the pinot? If it's not too much trouble.


Posted by: freight train | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:52 PM
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I can attest to the truth of ft's 19.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 4:57 PM
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21

I would love to have thoughts about this, but I'm taking my oral examination on Wednesday and am totally losing my shit.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:20 PM
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I just saw the Jungle Book movie. It struck me as a demented fantasy movie. How much of that is Kipling, and how much Hollywood?

I know it's a children's story, but this had other layers of dementia.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:25 PM
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21. Good luck. You'll knock 'em dead. (That could be a problem down the line though. Who'd you get to sit on your committee?)


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:30 PM
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Only 1.something more days of losing your shit left! Soon you will feel glorious release.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:37 PM
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Wait -- what exactly *is* the general principle, anyway?


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:39 PM
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13: "nubility"


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:42 PM
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26: 'Nubility' is anthropology-speak for 'marriageability.' 'Nubileness' can mean whatever I choose it to mean, because I just made it up.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:50 PM
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Oh. Sorry. 26 to 25 then.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:54 PM
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Also, I just read the wikipedia article on Reed, and am suddenly really regretful that I never went to a university.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:54 PM
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"Nubile" just means "fertile". Contrastive terms are "sterile" and "gravid".

Also, Jesus is a perv, like all ex-Reedies older than 24. Hott, bright, socially-inept nudes painted blue are not for the likes of us, however hott, bright, socially-inept, nude, and painted blue we might happen to be.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:55 PM
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21: Hang in there AWB!


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 5:58 PM
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#8: Oh, except "80th level paladin" immediately marks the author as a pose[u]r.

I had the exact same thought.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 6:00 PM
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<strike>How come there's no post on the Gawker article?</strike>


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 6:18 PM
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#8 pwns my comment (unless the guy was playing Diablo, but then why would you brag about an 80th level?), but really, the phenomenon struck me as less 'geek' and more 'shy boy in high school.

21: AWB, you'll rock it. One more day of losing your shit and then sweet, sweet, alcohol.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 6:18 PM
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Also, true geeks use the term "n00bility."


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 6:22 PM
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Also also, I had no idea so many Picts went to Reed.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 6:24 PM
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Don't worry about your orals too much, as long as you don't go get drunk with your advisors the night before.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 7:05 PM
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AWB. Are these qualifiers or the defense orals?


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 7:08 PM
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I like how the link in 37 describes as not a rite of passage something that sounds exactly like a rite of passage (and in fairness, he sort of acknowledges that).


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 7:09 PM
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See, that's the difference between grad school and undergrad. We just do our drinking during lecture.


Posted by: bbass | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 7:23 PM
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29, Reed is cool because Steve Jobs went there.


Posted by: Econolicious | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 8:10 PM
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Reed is cool because Steve Jobs Lew Welch, Philip Whalen, and Gary Snyder went there.

Speaking of which, my copy of Aram Saroyan's Genesis Angels is signed by the author to "Ken & Zandra, Bolinas 4/27/79." Anyone have any special insight into who Ken & Zandra were/are? (I like to think that it was Zandra Rhodes, but that seems unlikely.)

Regarding the article, #8 gets it exactly right.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 8:59 PM
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My little brother went to Reed. Doesn't seem to have done him any harm. They, uh, don't run around naked & blue in Prairie Village, Kansas.


Posted by: NĂ¡pi | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 9:05 PM
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Are these qualifiers or the defense orals?

I'll answer for AWB since she seems to have gotten offline: qualifiers. And yes, she should rock them.

AWB: SLEEP! SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 9:50 PM
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I don't get it. What does he mean by "seduce" in this case? Did they just chat on the net? If they went beyond that, then things would have gotten more emotional and less removed than he portrays it. Not very well written.

It is piece of evidence #256 that this is an easier time to grow up a nerd than it was when I was a kid.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 9:58 PM
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Cooking naked is not for the faint of heart or delicate of skin. Ouch.

One day, naked at home (I was living alone), I decided to sharpen my knives. Nothing bad happened, but the acute consciousness I had part of the way through that very bad things could happen has led to the experience never being repeated.

That and the fact that I haven't lived alone for a while, and living with roommates impedes one's ability to wander about the house undressed.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:19 PM
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ZOMG, I just finished finalizing the document with all my lists and a solid 14-page explanation of my dissertation project and why it's doing what it's doing that just barely hinted at why half this shit is on the lists, and is therefore not really a justification at all but more like a plea to please ask me questions about the texts I address as if I know what I'm talking about when writing about them. Sigh. Suicide is NOT the answer. NOT the answer.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:22 PM
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living with roommates impedes one's ability to wander about the house undressed

Speak for yourself.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:22 PM
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48: Yeah. I walk around ben's house all the time when he's not there.

AWB: You'll kick ass. And you know this. Woo!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:34 PM
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^ naked


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:34 PM
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Um, the naked gets to go anywhere you want in #49.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:35 PM
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Wandering around naked is a luxury of living alone, but I feel weird about it. I don't know what that says about me. Knives?! Oh, w-lfs-n.

I like living alone, but am thinking that cohabitation sounds nice too. But then I would have to get out of pajamas and shower before an unseemly afternoon hour, which is a luxury of working at home that I am unwilling to give up.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:35 PM
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53

Fortune cookie opened just now: "If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted."


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:42 PM
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"If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted except in bed".


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:44 PM
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62: depending on the pajamas, your cohabitor might welcome you lounging in them all day long.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:44 PM
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I'm anticipating that new details about lounging in exotic pajamas will be revealed in 62.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 10:46 PM
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What are exotic pajamas? This is a source of contention between me and my former roommate, who insists that men care about this, and my guy, who tells me he doesn't.

Not that I wear ugly pajamas, mind you.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:11 PM
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AWB, e-mail me. Or don't. But if you choose not to e-mail, know this: your advisor wouldn't let you take your exams if you weren't going to pass. Why? Not because s/he likes you, though s/he may. But because it looks much worse for the advisor than for the student when an advisee fails. See? It's all about faculty self-interest. Really, though, you're going to do just fine. Then it will be over. And you won't have to take another test ever again. (Though I still have anxiety dreams about showing up to a final for a math class that I've never attended -- shudder.)


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:11 PM
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57: my girlfriend just steals sweats and a T-shirt when she comes over. I tend to sleep in boxers and a T-shirt. This whole talk of "pajamas" is deeply confusing.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:14 PM
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But because it looks much worse for the advisor than for the student when an advisee fails.

Looks pretty bad for Gonerill, then.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:17 PM
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Looks pretty bad for Gonerill, then.

Really, in so many ways.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:21 PM
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Reed is awesome because Sarah Dougher taught there. (I haven't heard the new stuff, but her first two albums are wonderful, especially if you like it a little dykey and a little punky and a little folky all at once but not so Ani.)

Also because one time on a road trip, I had the name of a friend of a friend who was at Reed, and we pulled up and got out and went to the dining hall and even though I had never seen him before I walked up to his table and said hey do you know this guy? and the guy said THAT's ME!!!! how did you know?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:27 PM
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OK, Ari, I emailed you from my realname email. Many reasons to panic therein.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:29 PM
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I think Reed an Bennington should have a yearly competition of zaniness. I've never been to Reed, but it seems the students could get along swimmingly. (And IM or whatever afterwards.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:31 PM
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63: Return e-mail sent. And I've posted your e-mail address on my blog. That was okay to do, right?


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:46 PM
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I know someone who stood around for over half an hour outside the room where the quals took place while the professors talked. When they finished their deliberation they said, supposedly reassuringly, "don't worry, we weren't discussing whether or not you passed, because there was no doubt that you did. We were actually discussing how to make the program better."


Posted by: daniel coit gilman | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:52 PM
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65 - Yes! Now I know where to forward all my spam.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:59 PM
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66: Second, more useful, e-mail sent.


Posted by: Ari | Link to this comment | 05-26-08 11:59 PM
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AWB, you'll be fine. I actually *did* fail one of my exams, and it sucked, but I did, in fact, live.

Anyway, my advice is just do the reading, don't get crazy and think you have to be actually original (it's an *exam question*), tell your committee that you're "really interested in (would like questions about) ___", and remember that an exam is just summarizing.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:01 AM
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Thanks, y'all. I think my anxiety is stiffened just because the last time I walked into a room with three professors, feeling very confident about my MA thesis, I walked out covered in tears, having been deeply insulted by the woman who convinced me to become an English major as an undergrad. I had to go meet all my friends, who were waiting for me at the bar, and plead with them to please stop accusing me of kidding, because I really had failed my thesis. It was mortifying, so much more so because everyone who knew me (but had not read my work) was convinced I would pass brilliantly. What a sad day that was! Just to be sure, I haven't scheduled any kind of party, either the consolation-kind or the celebration-kind.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:15 AM
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AWB, was there really some big problem with your thesis that you hadn't noticed, or were the professors just being jerks?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:37 AM
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Hard to tell. On one hand, I've reread it since that day and I hate it and think it sounds stupid. On the other hand, the prof admitted she failed it because reading it kept her from watching ER.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:40 AM
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That sounds like grounds for invoking some sort of university dispute resolution thingy.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:41 AM
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Eh, she was a drunk. My adviser and I revised it in a week and the rest of the faculty bullied her into signing off on it. She was sort of a sad case.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:45 AM
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What time is the oral exam tomorrow? We should have a massive Unfoggedian good vibe/positive thought sending event...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 4:31 AM
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75. Absolutely. Levitate AWB, like the Yippies.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 6:15 AM
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everytime people pull out old threads i think how they remember who said what
really great memories you have all
the thread linked upthread for example i must have read and don't remember reading it, though sometimes i skip threads
must be it was the was skipped thread


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 6:19 AM
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that sleeping advice is good maybe
i remember i was taking my hs and the uni entrance exams sleeping like 13 hrs a day, it was like i'll sleep more in the morning or take a nap after lunch to have more time to study at night, then at night i'd think i'll wake up early to study


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 6:26 AM
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Your brain continues processing facts and whatnot during sleep, but more importantly, since orals are sort of a performance, sleeping will help with energy and stamina and coherence.

I was pretty much insane by the time I took my orals (which was so unnecessary!), and by the end of the second hour, I was gibbering with exhaustion.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 6:40 AM
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go AWB! go AWB! gooooooooooAWB!!!! [insert hootin' and hollerin']


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:10 AM
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I'm sending Bear good vibes. Am I too late?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:18 AM
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And if the going gets rocky, AWB, just rely on the old strategem of imagining everyone else in the room being naked to restore some perspective*.

*Assuming no one in the room is actually transcendentally hot.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:19 AM
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Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar
All for A White Bear, stand up and holler!

Wooooooo!!!!

* * * * * *

Pork chops, pork chops,
greasy greasy greasy,
White Bear will pass this
easy easy easy!!


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:28 AM
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Go get 'em, AWB.


Posted by: Idealist | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:37 AM
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I actually *did* fail one of my exams, and it sucked, but I did, in fact, live.

I didn't fail mine, but my committee made sure to emphasize to me how very close I had come to failing, and implied that they really had only passed me because they were being nice, or maybe because they didn't want to have to do this whole thing again.

Exams are in that category of things that loom incredibly large before you've done them, but become a mere blip once you've gotten through them. Small comfort when you're on the before side, I know.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 7:42 AM
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Assuming no one in the room other than you is actually transcendentally hot.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 8:43 AM
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I didn't realize Unfogged was a hotbed of Reedies, but I suppose it makes sense. I can attest to the truth of 15. If there's one thing better than clumsily ending up in bed, it's the over-intellectual rationalization the next morning about how banging a near stranger is a transgressive act of patriarchy-smashing.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 9:03 AM
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Go got 'em, AWB!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 9:10 AM
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it's the over-intellectual rationalization the next morning about how banging a near stranger is a transgressive act of patriarchy-smashing

The Man is inured to your piddling transgressive hookups. The only hope of smashing the patriarchy is more MFF threesomes. (Because I'm a feminist, of course.)


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 9:18 AM
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Aw, you guys are sweet. Exam is 2pm tomorrow.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 9:19 AM
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GO SLEEP.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 9:22 AM
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Ahh, so all that stuff about naked with blue body paint is some kind of Reed College in-joke? Because I was getting so confused.

I guess I should ask my cousins Raina and Maron about it. They just finished their junior years at Reed. Come to think of it, I guess this ML author might sort of be the type for one of them -- they aren't particularly geeky, but they're much closer to that than to the cheerleader/athlete/fashionable girl paradigm, although they can be pretty concerned about style too. They're identical twins, so I can only tell them apart by waiting until I hear someone address one of them by name and matching that to the hairstyle she's using.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 11:19 AM
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Argh, I'm late with the good wishes, but Go AWB!


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 11:46 AM
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94

RAWR! The charge of the White Bear Brigade! FOR GLORY! FOR HONOR! FOR A TENURE-TRACK POSITION!

Also, when I was fifteen and nerdy, I totally learned how to talk to women and flirt and generally be socially successful as an adult via IRC and telnet chat and whatnot. A big part of it is confidence; once one has the experience of being socially successful, it's easier to go forth and attempt to be successful again. I got past some of my hangups and then had the confidence to practice until I got past (most of) the rest and get better.


Posted by: NBarnes | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 12:59 PM
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The naked-and-painted-blue meme was started by me, based on a Rennfaire I inadvertently observed on my way to the library, which I occasionally used when I lived in the neighborhood. There were about 200-300 Reedies standing in line for barbecue, and about 5-10% of them (15-25) were naked and painted blue, including some hott laydeez.

By that time I was 30 years out of Reed. The thing that really struck me, based on my extra-Reed experience, was that there were as many as 300 drunk or stoned people in one place, little or no security, and no apparent hostility or conflict. Violence and threats are severely sanctioned at Reed; rudeness, sarcasm, and verbal provocation are not.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05-27-08 5:52 PM
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94: Yeah. I think a lot of what makes online socializing easier for the nervous and nerdy is just that being hesitant and unsure of yourself isn't visible. In face-to-face interaction,being anxious fucks everything up, unless you can cover it well enough that it's not visible. And then you get into a vicious circle where things go badly because you're nervous, and that makes you more nervous the next time.

Online, exact timing doesn't show up (that is, there's no such thing as an awkward pause), and body language doesn't show. At which point it's easier for nervous people to get a little positive social feedback, which turns into confidence, which can be exported into offline interactions.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-28-08 7:45 AM
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What NBarnes said -- go AWB!!


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 05-28-08 12:09 PM
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96.2 is dead on. Though, it can be a bit awkward when, in an offline interaction, one reflexively blurts out things like "Comity!" or "Because you're a feminist?" or "Pwned!" to a bewildered conversational partner... At the risk of earnestness, Unfogged has done alot for me in this respect -- if only because I am not nearly so hesitant to tell people to fuck off and take it a little less personally when they say as much to me.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 05-28-08 12:19 PM
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