The height of toolishness:
How did the Flair-Do® get its name?We asked you! We talked to trendy people who are having this done and got their feedback. The consensus was that these designs made them feel hip and stylish. Flair represents style, pizzazz, and attitude. We tweaked the word flair by adding the word do like a hair do, this is a flair do.
As with all laser hair removal treatments, blond, gray and red hair does not respond since the laser targets melanin, the pigment in the hair follicle.
I was unaware of that.
It's true! So if you want a gray pubic hair heart, you'd better plan ahead.
Wait..."the laser targets melanin"? A laser isn't like a monoclonal antibody, it targets whatever it's physically focused on. I call BS on that explanation.
Peter Gibbons: Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.
blond, gray and red hair does not respond since the laser targets melanin
Damn, and I had ten dollars in hand for the hammer & sickle.
(With all my prejudice against blondes y'all should have known...a self-hating blonde)
There has to be a gallery of funny pubic hair designs somewhere on the web. Apo?
Laser hair removal is actually only so-so on the permanence, so you may be disappointed in your geriatric chili pepper dreams.
Looks like your chili pepper is getting a little moldy or something.
7: I'm pretty sure I've linked this before. Maybe twice, even.
OT:
Have we discussed another great snooping device:
http://fundrace.huffingtonpost.com/neighbors.php?type=city&city=new+york&search=Search
Find out who is making donations!
I want a map of pubic hair designs in my neighborhood.
And howcome none of the laydeez wants more hair? Is it because of the PATRIARCHY? Have you considered the benefits of TEMPERATURE REGULATION?
I think, TJ, you mean that the virgin mary would be so fucking meet.
I look forward to an 80 year old having to explain to her doctor...
Octogenarians don't give a damn about what other people think about stuff like that. Near as I can tell that's about the only advantage to growing old.
4) Their explanation is clumsy but what they're trying to say is light colored follicles don't heat up enough to stun the cells.
I want a map of pubic hair designs in my neighborhood.
When one represents a brazilian waxer on a case involving alleged client stealing, one learns much more than one wants to about one's neighbors.
10 is new to me, too, and I agree it's totally awesome. I want peacock pubes.
I'm considering getting laser hair removal (not a Flair Do, thanks) because my company has a discount thingie with a local place that does it. The idea of not shaving again (especially since I get bad ingrown hairs) sounds appealing. W/R/T Foxy's 8, anyone have experiences with it or heard bad/meh things?
The food designs are worthless unless they are flavored also.
It's really the male peacocks who have those displays, you know.
Maybe you'd like to nitpick this one too, Ben.
I did it. It did not really work for me. Maybe it will work for you. Maybe newer machines work better. It did hurt, and while my leg hair was thinner than it had been, it was far from all gone, even after several sessions. A year and a half later, it's back to at least 75% of the original amount of hair. Not shaving anymore was certainly not the result.
My hair is dark and my skin is very fair, which is supposed to be the most fortuitous combination for effectiveness.
I should hope there are no nits in there, ogged.
(I've since read more first-person testimonies online that report similar experiences -- I didn't come across many of these when I was first researching it.)
23: But it opens up! Of its own accord! Come on, that's totally awesome.
28:
It really does fit well for Bitch bc peacocks are really bitchy.
Wait, wait, wait. Foxy's had laser hair removal, and Becks is considering it. I thought *I* was supposed to be the shallow one.
30: OMG, aren't they? And shallow, and vain....
This post was brought to you by the letter G.
All true. But, I HATE peacocks with a passion. And I love BPHD!
One peacock flaired up and double-leg kicked my daughter in the chest. I still have rage.
I bet your daughter kicked the peacock's ass in the end, though.
Laser hair not-removal, to be fair. I'm failed shallow!
Nope. She just sat down and cried. broke my heart.
I've never really wante to kill something like I wanted to kill that darn peacock.
Still. I'm honestly kind of shocked. (I have a friend who had laser hair removal, but she also does things like wears Chanel and got in trouble in grad school for bringing her toy poodle to class all the time. The classes she taught. She's marvellously high femme, and has a smile exactly like Caprica 6 in BG.)
Still. I'm honestly kind of shocked.
It was something of a last resort, in my case, after a lot of very unhappy skin. I wanted to wear skirts with bare legs and not feel deeply hideous. I will say that however far short the results fell from what I hoped for, the whole thing did tame/toughen me to the limited degree that I can now at least successfully shave my legs without instantly turning into a complete festering yet bristly wound. Boy, do I feel pretty when I talk about this!
How many sessions did you have, Foxy?
Seven (!) . I am sure it is very possible to get better results than I did. I think my hair must be the strongest hair ever grown by human follicles.
Okay, not being able to shave w/out cutting yourself up, I can see that. I just quail at the thought of permanent anything, esp. b/c I've had hairy phases, semi-hairy phases, and hairless phases, depending.
But like, I didn't mean to make you have to explain, Foxy. Sorry about that.
arent you a red head?!?! You are supposed to have fine, fair hair.
Oh, that's okay. It's a confessional kind of topic.
It is not often this blog makes me feel like a hairy-legged feminist.
Irish + English + Jewish = a lively and hirsute blend.
You arent hairy in my mind, rfts.
Not that I really care if you are. As I think I have mentioned, all the girls that I swam with had hairy legs until the end of the season.
I like to think that I don't come off as hairy. Also that I seem taller than I really am!
Peacocks are guys though.
In other news, there is no henroach. They're all cockroaches.
When we sober up we'll forget everything, rfts. On the other hand, there's a written record.
Reading all this girl stuff always makes me think "Faut souffrir pour être belle".
I killed a peacock once. Ate it too. I've probably already mentioned this. And I think it was a peahen anyway.
Peacocks have annoying voices that can be heard far away. They are not good people.
I knew that there was a reason that I liked Napi.
Do you know, at one point I actually had kind of an idea that I might keep peacocks as pets, just for fun.
Now I've downgraded to "maybe chickens." If we buy a house.
I had a friend whose parents had peacocks and golden pheasants wandering around (just some random land in New Jersey, not an estate or anything), and two emus. The emus were the most evil things ever to exist. The non-Australian birds were perfectly amiable.
Peacocks roam freely at the zoo here, but perhaps not for long, since a cornered bird scratched a four-year-old recently. I would rather the zoo ban slow-witted toddlers than cussed pretty fowl.
Make sure your chicken coop is coyote proof. Not a pretty sight, otherwise.
As I think I have mentioned, all the girls that I swam with had hairy legs until the end of the season.
Not aquadynamic in the least!
My gf has much thicker/visible-er hair on her arms than on her legs. She wonders if it would be weird to shave it. I said that I think they only do that in Japan and other primitive patriarchies.
Ah, chickens. The tuna of the land. Or koi of the land, if that sounds better to you.
Roosters. Turns out they don't limit their crowing to the dawn hours. Nothing like a cock crowing at 1 AM to get the blood flowing.
Bitch, we've got a chicken farm that you and pk can run, if you want to come east.
62: I think we're in town enough to avoid coyotes. (Not our current place, which is right near a barranca, but anyplace we'd move to.) Rats, raccoons, and possums, on the other hand...
And no, no roosters.
67. That's what I am saying B. Them coyotes is everywhere. I live in a completely built environment (Pasadena), and there are coyote sightings daily.
Coyotes often carry off kids about PK's age. Police think that there are more incidents than are reported, because you know, bratty.
Are you going for chickens just as pets? If you want eggs you'll need to at least borrow a rooster I believe.
I do not wish to run a chicken farm, thank you. I merely wish to have the Marie Antoinetteish fantasy of urban rural life. That and fresh eggs without guilt about battery hens.
Chickens are disgusting. They'll eat wing leftovers if they're in with the slop.
The Denver Zoo has a massive flock of peacocks and hens. They're incredibly shrieky but also very, very lovely. My older son was enchanted by them when we lived there. I was, too. Until, that is, a cock/hen mating pair menaced him during one of our frequent visits. I ran off the birds and tried to pretend that it was all in good fun for the boy's benefit. He laughed and laughed. Now he kills sparrows with his bare hands.
The Denver Zoo also has one of the great lion enclosures in North America. And, on top of all of that, it has two capibaras, who live in wonderful rainforest habitat. They have a huge pond and seem to like nothing more than filling that otherwise lovely body of water with their own shit. My son, the one menaced by the peas, thought their shit-filled lake was hi-larious. Apples and trees and all that.
Okay, I think I'm done now. Carry on.
I think you do not need a rooster for eggs.
On the subject of battery hens, I have been buying "Phil's" eggs, which have cryptic notations on the cartons indicating that the American Humane Society approves, or something like that. They definitely taste better than factory-made eggs, which was an unexpected bonus, since in my experience organic produce generally tastes worse and goes bad about five times as fast.
I'm fine with only buying humanely made eggs and pork and whatnot, but as for the produce, I just await the day when we return to the standard of living of the 1930's and organic is the only thing available.
Now he kills sparrows with his bare hands.
!!!!!!!
You're making it up. Right?
75 is right. You do not. And roosters are almost certainly illegal wherever B might move. Almost every urban area in California has pretty rigid animal husbandry (sexist) laws: not more than five dogs, no roosters, etc.
78: AND NO HEDGEHOGS
Organic produce doesn't last as long because it's not sprayed with chemicals. Solution: buy what you'll eat in the next few days.
77: Of course I'm making it up. He wept yesterday when the pool guy pulled a dead rat from the bottom of the deep end. Speaking of which, swim party at my place this weekend?
True, no hedgehogs. Nor gerbils, either.
70. How right you are.
http://www.wkrg.com/news/article/when_coyotes_attack/13482/
Coyote season is year round with no limit, but they should have a bounty.
http://www.jesseshunting.com/site/calvarmint.html#coyote
Glad to hear I'm wrong. Roosters are horrible.
Wait, you have a *pool*??? Hell yes, I'm coming for a swim party. Why didn't we have lunch at your place last time?
Hmph.
Seriously, he cried himself to sleep last night over the damn suicidal rat. He was inconsolable. So I think the sparrows are safe, B.
84: Sometimes chickens turn into roosters, which is a real bummer. That's when you de-coyote proof the enclosure.
85: You and PK are welcome any time, of course. We even have a waterfall. Though my efforts to have a swim-through bar installed have come to naught.
68, 70: I know coyotes are perfectly capable of coming into town. Still, I am not terribly worried.
If I *were* worried, I'd be worried about the cat, not the kid.
86: I totally sympathize. Mine still cried himself to sleep two nights about because I read him a story in which at one point a Bad Person picks a mouse up by the tip of its tail, which hurts, and makes the mouse squeak. PK, who has been warned that doing this sort of thing *can* (but will NOT NECESSARILY) break a mouse's tail, was convinced that said fictional mouse's tail had been broken, despite the lack of textual evidence.
I think you do not need a rooster for eggs.
You think right, B. The rooster is only needed to fertilize the eggs that the hens will lay regardless.
See? So thanks for coming out, B, and sure, there's nothing wrong with wearing Prada...
Organic produce doesn't last as long because it's not sprayed with chemicals. Solution: buy what you'll eat in the next few days.
Exactly. However, since I live alone and eco-consciously do not have a car, I can't go to the grocery store three times a week to buy one pear at a time, since they all go bad at once very quickly.
Maybe I could get some chemicals and spray the organic produce when I get it home. After all, my main concern is to avoid polluting the earth, not to avoid polluting my own body.
87.1: That's when the chicken "runs away." Or is returned to the feed store, I suppose.
87.2: W00T! You totally know that next time we go visit grandpa, I'm completely going to come up to Davis just to use your pool, because I'm tacky and opportunistic like that. I'll even bring some booze.
Sometimes chickens turn into roosters, which is a real bummer.
Only amphibians and fish do that, Ari.
90: It is true. I've almost given up eating pears. Although even the non-organic ones are never any good. There needs to be a pear revolution on par with the apple revolution.
If I *were* worried, I'd be worried about the cat, not the kid
Cats and kids can run away. Chickens in a pen, that's just an all you can eat buffet for a coyote. And I only say this because my wife wanted to do the same thing, so I did a little research.
since I live alone and eco-consciously do not have a car, I can't go to the grocery store three times a week to buy one pear at a time, since they all go bad at once very quickly.
Bahahahaha. That's where my bike, I, and the swap meets and farmer's markets win.
94: Free-range chicken-fed coyote is tasty anyway.
There needs to be a pear revolution on par with the apple revolution.
If you haven't read this, http://www.masumoto.com/epitaph-for-a-peach.htm
I highly recommend it.
94: Meh. I have a mom acquantance who has entire flocks of chickens and doves and shit in her yard, and she says nothing of coyotes. I will not be deterred.
Hey, Farmer Ben, I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
Only amphibians and fish do that, Ari.
Not true! Also not safe for work.
Hrm, and one can adopt a tree and have all the peaches for oneself.... and it's in Fresno.... interesting idea.....
But what if the sexer was wrong? Rooster!
104: Hey, I haven't made a mistake sexing the mice yet, knock on wood....
If my plans to acquire the lot behind us come to fruition, there will be chickens in our future.
My parents have a huge lot (for suburban L.A.), about 30,000 sq feet, and we did all that stuff. Chickens, ducks, geese, our own beehives, goats, ponies, etc.
Goose eggs are friggin huge, and I still have great memories of those geese chasing my brother around the yard when he was still in diapers. Also, good times like "is the goat sick? Because my cereal tastes bad."
arent you a red head?!?! You are supposed to have fine, fair hair.
Other way around, actually: by far the coarsest. About 90k to the head, as opposed to 100k for dark and 120 or so for blond. In 10th grade biology we pulled our hairs for microscope comparison and my (red) ones were twice as thick seen that way.
My coöp has started selling duck eggs. I haven't bought them yet, but I hear they're delicious.
I also want to try unlaid eggs, but it does sorta squick me out.
Is anything more awesome than Powerline?
"One of our readers makes the point that the Scott McClellan-Peter Osnos affair has the earmarks of communist thought control, as in Darkness at Noon."
the Scott McClellan-Peter Osnos affair has the earmarks of communist thought control
The best part is "earmarks." Other than that, it seems plausible enough. Or so the little voice that my molar emits says.
WHO DO YOU TRUST? ME AND MY TELEPATHIC DOG, OR YOUR LYING MOLARS?
Molar. Singular. And it's never led me astray. That said, I'm a big fan of telepathic dogs, so I'm torn.
"good times like "is the goat sick? Because my cereal tastes bad."
Yeah, not going there.
I thought I wanted ducks, but Emerson made noises about "thick membranes" under the shell needing to be "cut with a knife," and I thought, who needs that crap first thing in the morning? Even though ducks are obviously far more pleasant creatures than chickens.
109:" Back when I lived in the country, we had ducks; great omelets every morning. They were very free-range, what with having the run of the yard and the house, as they insisted on coming inside to be scritched, petted and otherwise fussed over.
Emerson made noises about "thick membranes" under the shell needing to be "cut with a knife,"
We had a lot of ducks, and I don't remember that. I think we had Khaki Campbells.
Khaki Campbells
Soup is good food. Though that's an awfully hard flavor to market, I'm guessing.
By the time she's 80, I expect it'll be old hat to the doctor.
Fifty years from now, is any gerontologist going to be surprised by all the tramp stamps and saggy tribalism? I think not.
Soup is good food.
More good childhood memories: Watching Dad chop the heads off of ducks with a hatchet, and throwing the severed feet at my siblings. Dad also showed us that if you sucked air through a duck larynx it would make a quacking sound.
Free-range chicken-fed coyote is tasty anyway.
So says Ted Kaczynski.
121 - oh, I want to do the quacking thing! I'm sure I can get the dog to catch me one ....
Chickens are disgusting. They'll eat wing leftovers if they're in with the slop.
Mythology is full of people being fed their children en casserole. They never get upset until the piemaker reveals the horrible truth, which you can't do with a chicken. How is a chicken supposed to know what chicken tastes like? Quit picking on the chickens.
I also want to try unlaid eggs
How does that work?
in 50 years time, the medical profession will be toutin the quality of their wares via the style and excellence of the elective nano-surgery they opt for on their own faces (or whichever bodily part it is then fashionable to have on public show); pubic art will be considered charmingly quaint and softcore
nu-hippocrates: "benway or the highway"
"Tastes like chicken" said the Little Red Hen.
When we raised chickens a cat reached through the chickenwire, snagged a chicken, and killed it, but couldn't get it out. When we found Henny Penny, her sisters were pecking away at her.
OT: John, this was really excellent, the most thoughtful piece I read on the subject. Thanks for doing it.
My great-grandmother, a Mormon matriarch who was fond of music, famously bought two Steinways and an organ with the chicken money. No, I have no idea how she did that.
Easy enough once you realize 'chicken' was an old code for 'cocaine.'
In polygynous societies there are a lot of single men, and it makes economic sense to pimp out the unneeded younger males to the older ones. Funny Colorado City didn't figure that out.
So under that scenario, "chicken" would be code for "sex slave"?
Yes, as in "chickenhawk."
Heritage investigation can be fun. Maybe you, too, have a lewd Puritan condemned woman in your ancestry.
125: Apparently, when they kill old laying hens, they have inside them four or five eggs, at various stages of development, and word on the street is, they're delicious.
134: Which street? Because that's icky and wouldn't be tolerated on my tree-lined street. At least I hope not.
I certainly hope that when I'm put to the ax, someone finds a use for any unfertilized eggs they find.
That would be Chickenhawk Street, where nothing is forbidden and your every fantasy can be realized.
word on the street is, they're delicious.
I also find the idea of them strangely fascinating. Not precisely vegetarian, though.
Heritage investigation can be fun. Maybe you, too, have a lewd Puritan condemned woman in your ancestry.
No, but I have a colonel who supposedly jumped his horse off a cliff running away from British soldiers. It's still called ____'s Leap, and is somewhere in Pennsylvania. I'm willing to bet it was more a mound-type situation than an actual cliff. Both colonel and horse survived.
I work at a Renaissance Festival for a jeweler. I DID see a tat that will eventually make the girl the laughingstock of her grandchildren and maybe her children. As well as making herself pretty much unemployable.
She'd shaved her eyebrows and tattooed triangular aime eyebrows in the middle of her forehead. Black black black.
I spent nearly half an hour in face-to-face dealing her and they WERE Tattooed on.