A serious commitment to therapy -- perhaps even analysis -- would take much less time than this blog, Ogged. Also, ick.
I know that in kindergarden people are told to "share everything" but really, some things are best kept to yourself. This is probably one of them.
For god's sake, ogged. "Masturbating one's penis" is redundant. The correct choice here was either "masturbating until her penis spewed geysers of semen," or "stroking her penis until it spewed geysers of semen." "Stimulating", etc. would also have been acceptable.
I assumed that "masturbating her penis" was so phrased in order to allow the interpration that the penis in question belongs to her, but is not part of her body.
Well that's the last time anyone round here gets in the same pool as you.
to allow the interpration that the penis in question belongs to her
I'll ignore the mispelling, but can't let the ownership pass by. We, whatever we might be, even in dreams, own our penises, inalienably. Our penis, ourselves, I say.
You know, like apostropher's yogurt-dipped penis.
I guess that should be "Our penises, ourselves" instead of like the witches that shared an eye. A communal penis.
Wah, my blog sucks, with all the commenters and discussing of misogyny! I know just the fix!!
So. It WAS all about penis envy.
Ogged's penis envy.
max
['It's ok to get lesbian married in SF now, dude!']
Have you given any more thought to that idea of blogging about wine, the stock market, and corporate finance?
Back when I was 19 and the Monica stuff was going on, I used to fantasize about being the White House intern whom Hillary Clinton would pull into the (Lincoln?) bedroom to take revenge on Bill.
It's one of the things I bring up to explain why I emphasize polling data so heavily in political discussions. I know that my subjective impressions of political leaders may not be widely shared, and I need direct data about the impressions of others.
In course of researching the shared eye, which of course was remembered from Clash of the Titans cause Harryhausen is where I learn all my Greek mythology;and because Stygian Witches didn't link to a page or entry, I went back and found the Graeae and that Harryhausen made up the "Stygian" part. I can no longer trust him. How would you pronounce "Graeae" anyway.
Anyway from there to the Moirae and this nice 16th century tapestry detail and all the Primordial deities like Nyx and Ananke, Chthonic deities, and Personified Concepts like Apate many or even most of whom were female.
This is could be way to move the thread from penises to a profound Jungian interpretation of ogged's dream. Or we could wait for oudemia to show up.
I pronounce the "ae" diphthong the way I pronounce "I", which I think in the IPA is something like /ai:/? Anyway, I would use that sound, twice in a row, for the vowel portion of "Graeae".
This is could be way to move the thread from penises to a profound Jungian interpretation of ogged's dream
24: People who dream often, and with great enjoyment, of swimming, cleaving the waves,
etc., have usually been bedwetters, and they now repeat in the dream a pleasure which
they have long since learned to forgo. We shall soon learn, from one example or another,
to what representations dreams of swimming easily lend themselves.
Others can decide whether that quote should be updated for our current milieu with "blog" in place of "dream".
I once had a dream starring Monica Lewinsky, but all we did was talk about sex. And not about sex with each other, either.
And I'm pretty sure that I've never had a fantasy involving anyone known from politics. Geez people, it's called "Hollywood for ugly people" for a reason!
are you one of those very visual people whose dreams capture what things might look like with a movie-like realism?
Was she circumsized?
More importantly, was she bigger than you?
are you one of those very visual people whose dreams capture what things might look like with a movie-like realism?
Please say no.
More importantly, was she bigger than you?
And did she actually have three cajones?
We need to see how much the media is influencing you, ogged.
Plenty of people have had dreams of Bill. (You can buy this book for mere pennies, and you should. It's funny. Great to have in the bathroom for guests.)
Tonight: "I felt her hot throbbing member thrusting deep within me, again and again and again until I was overcome with shuddering ecstacy. Afterwards....."
The next night: "Let me introduce you to my dear friend Lynne Cheney", said Hillary, idly flicking her 14 foot bullwhip....."
Okay Ogged:
Your cover has been blown - in fact you are Michael Wulff and Unf is Anders Morgenthaler.
And I don't really want to know what fantasies John McCain triggers in your brain.
Last night I dreamt Hillary Clinton naked...
I've just realised we've all been missing the point here. Ogged is telling us he can affect reality with his dreams. Don't cross him or you too will end up with an extra penis.
Jesus Christ, Ogged. You're going to end up cited in some article on sexism and the Clinton campaign. One blogger, who posts under the name Ogged, even went so far as to confess to a dream in which Hillary Clinton...
Someday you're going to take all this stuff down, right?
34: I never thought I'd say this, but Americans pay too much attention to politics.
Haven't there been studies, years ago, about how many people from UK and Commonwealth countries have sexual thoughts about the queen? I'm sure I haven't made that up.
36 great comics, i like it
the post is so-so, and i doubt it authenticity
how one can be so obsessed with politics to dream about politicians is beyond my understanding
I was going to ask whether Ogged really did have that dream. But it was more fun to run with the concept.
37: I was going to leave a comment to this effect, but it was almost better to find someone else had already done it.
I've just realised we've all been missing the point here. Ogged is telling us he can affect reality with his dreams. Don't cross him or you too will end up with an extra penis.
Umm, Obama stinks? Wait, do I get to choose where ogged puts it? I take it back! Obama rocks!
(I guess it's been an hour now I've been googling the Graeae, the foam of the sea. There were people who worshiped dread, horror, and alarm? I need to build a temple)
Clinton sex-dreaming has becoming archetypal.
You know, if Obama were Joh Turturro, he would have won the Pennsylvania and Ohio primaries. That creep can roll.
The only way to prevent 38 from happening is to salvage your real name by leading the media to believe that you are secretly Farhad Manjoo.
Thank you for ruining sex for me, ogged.
46: (Brad has asserted the moral right to be identified as the author of this post.)
You know, Brad, you can always waive that moral right...
I still haven't figured out if this post is a desperate bid to increase traffic, or a desperate bid to reduce it.
By preventing Cain from having sex, you prevented me from existing, ogged. And therefore the English language has no epic.
At least it was geysers of regular ol' semen, and not blood or fire or serpents.
I think dog is an ill-favored sacrifice. Just trolling, more in sorrow than in spite. I know the/a name Brian Downing from somewhere past.
He was a star slugger for the Angels a while back.
More swimming posts, please.
57: So this Iranian guy was swimming in a geyser of semen...
58: No link? That last kid must be really throwing you off your game.
56:Right. Or it could have Winds of Change or some other milblog back when.
Here's Downing's First Book and his second
I gotta go read.
Well, look, just the other night I dreamed of Barack Obama masturbating L/ouis Far/rakhan's penis until I experienced that falling sensation, the typical jerking-awake gasp we all know in dreams.
Now, it's clear from this that ogged's dreams are as child's play, a product of (a) Making Shit Up; (b) going to bed in wet clothes; and (c) fear of losing his Man Card in the upcoming swim meet.
Don't worry, o-dawg, word is your breastroke is gorgeous, and we got the election covered. Also, you read too many political blogs, and the hair growing back in won't itch too much, eh?
Do you know what I love? Parliamentary procedure. I am not even kidding; I have just spent the last half hour or so swooning around over the magnificent details of Robert's Rules of Order.
63: you should be some kind of legislative staffer. Maybe for Robert Byrd, who obsessively studies and memorizes Senate procedural rules. Just like Roberts Rules of Order, except more complex and they really, really matter.
In another life, I would truly love that job. My own brilliant idea is that there should be a parliamentary procedure MMORPG. Sure to be a runaway bestseller!
That's weird -- I don't think geysers spew.
The geysers were not spewing -- the geysers were being spewed by the penis.
The post is true; I really did have that dream last night. And I'm kind of liking this post. Who, really, wants edited Ogged?
The real question is: did you, uh, have to change your PJs when you woke up?
Oh, sure.
"No really! Would I lie to you?"
That's a real knock-down argument there.
I see 8 has not yet been answered.
This is crucial in order for us to interpret what this means about your true feelings, ogged.
One thing this blog has taught me is that white people really don't like talking about semen.
Ac seemed to like talking about semen in the thread linked in 14, and she's a white person.
Only euphemistically, and jokingly. I think she called it "toast." Classic avoidance behavior.
167 in that thread should have been mouseover material at some point.
72: What? I don't get it. I guess I'll go read the linked threads (must I?)
(Nevermind, I've already read that thread.)
What a great thread that was. 236 was particularly excellent.
It's posts like these that make Ogged a larger-than-life figure. I'm sure that he knows, from long experience with this blog, that people will be linking to this post in the comments section fifteen years from now. But he doesn't care.
Hey, that thread is the one where I mention Huun-Huur-Tu!
Hey, ogged, assuming that dream was real, it's pretty funny, as in: Wow, do you really have such odd associations with Clinton, and if so, should we be astonished or sad or sorry or what? I prefer the "random junk" theory of dreaming myself, given the extent to which I seem to throw together, in my dreaming, random junk accumulated from daily life. Such dreams tell me, at best, what's been more occupying my mind than other things; at which news I am sometimes surprised.
||
We're having some kind of apocalyptic thunder-and-lightning storm that the New York Times didn't even warn me about. You can't trust the media!
|>
Well, they're not going to TELL you about the apocalypse. That might bias you.
That might bias you.
I would have kept an open mind.
Sure, you say that, but then it comes time for the election and you're all "Well, I'm not personally apocalyptic, but what about my property values?" No good will come of it.
Dudes, the weather people told us about this thunder and lightning thing. If it ushers in the wind and the rain, as it has here, the air becomes livable. Rejoice.
I saw some awesome chain lightning over Lincoln Center a few minutes ago. Reminds me of the summer when I scrambled out of a lake when the sky darkened, only to be treated to the sight of a brilliant blue bolt striking a few dozen yards offshore. It was pretty apocalyptic, for an 8 year old boy.
79: He's just building up the image in preparation for faking his death and joining the FLDS.
Well, they're not going to TELL you about the apocalypse
I think the canonical headline is "Apocalypse Arrives; Women, Blacks, Worst Affected."
in preparation for faking his death and joining the FLDS.
Persecution!
It's like no one wants to let you bang a bunch of 12 year olds in a private Texas compound anymore.
88: ((Cut it out, cut it out, no fake dying, no blaze of glory, jeez.))
The hell, Mary Catherine. You and your zoning laws just sent the apocalypse my way.
It's not too late to repent, Cala, though it's later than you think.
The apocalyse appears to be heading this way. I'd better fetch my waders.
67 degrees and still light out at 7:30pm over here.
it's later than you think
That's a great song.
It's a lovely warm night here, at the moment, but then I see this: http://www.wunderground.com/radar/radblast.asp?ID=BOX®ion=a5&lat=42.36796188&lon=-71.05477905&label=Boston%2c%20MA
Neat! I should do that on purpose some time.
I am telling you all, loose your hair from your sweaty nape(s) and shout! The wind will set you free, and all.
67 degrees and still light out at 7:30pm
We only sporadically had the good weather, but one of the great things about Ireland in the peak of summer is that the sun doesn't set until 10pm, and the twilight stays an hour or more after that. And the sun comes up again just before 5am. Great for late-evening beers and all that.
one of the great things about Ireland in the peak of summer is that the sun doesn't set until 10pm, and the twilight stays an hour or more after that
Magpie and I just got back from 3 weeks in Europe, with the last bit of the trip spent in Strasbourg. It was disorienting, realizing that although it was still light out it was almost 9:30 PM. Quite pleasant once we got used to it, though.
Like that from PNW boyhood, too. Winter was cruel dark, though.
I thought that happened...everywhere that was farther from the equator than, say, Florida. I guess the sun sets later and later, the farther west you go within a given time zone, though.
How very curious that there was not more interest in conversation about parliamentary procedure.
We're near the west edge of our time zone here, and this time of year is indeed lovely that way.
I'm interested in parliamentary procedure.
I hope that, if I ever read the second Gormenghast book, it contains a lot of procedural intricacies, since I understand that the kitchen boy whose name I've forgotten is apprenticed to the, uh, the guy who knows the rules that the Groans have to follow. Actually, hasn't that already happened by the end of the first book? I believe it has.
Motion to eat pancakes in the bathtub
Sez you, Tweety. As the only currently commenting active poster, I'm chair, and recognition is implicitly granted to me for each of my comments.
Do we have a second for Ardent reader's motion?
Motion to divide the question. I support the eating of pancakes, but not the other part of the proposal.
111: you're making a mockery of Bob's rules of order, Ben.
Deluge update: Worcester beneath the waves.
I read the first two Gormenghast books, but find that I remember them very poorly, as with a dream. Wouldn't my MMORPG be great? Today I was learning about personal and general questions (sometimes points) of privilege, among other things. I was inspired to read up on it because today I was in a department meeting in which someone incorrectly used "point of order" to pose a parliamentary inquiry.
111: you're making a mockery of Bob's rules of order, Ben.
If you like, you can move to declare the chair vacant.
The meetings at your department must be very, very different from those at mine, red.
I'm not sure how the MMORPG would work? Is the chair a PC? You get experience by getting your motions passed, I assume, but I hope also by doing really sneaky or tricky parliamentary mischief. But that would require that the software be able to tell a clever application of the rules from one that's ordinary.
RTFS you would really dig my MMOPRG idea, based on a simple model of tribal dynamics, and featuring aging of players (and comcomitant declines in resource-producing usefulness) but by gum I don't feel like describing it right now.
RFTS, I think you'll find that such a conversation is out of order at this time.
(and comcomitant declines in resource-producing usefulness)
But gain in wisdom, right? Or are they just tossed to the hounds?
Holy christ, was I ever pwned. I yield the floor.
My chair is very gently trying to get the department (which is a small one, and I am not a voting member) to use a rough facsimile of the very simplest approximation of Robert's Rules of Order. This results in a lot of reading agenda items and saying "Would anyone like to make a motion?" Then someone says "sure," and the chair types a nice formal version of the motion into the minutes, which are visible to everyone via a data projector. "Is that an acceptable version to you?" he asks, and people point out a typo. It goes from there. But how much fun it would be if people were really fluent!
I hope also by doing really sneaky or tricky parliamentary mischief.
But most definitely. The AI would of course be superb. I'm not sure whether the chair should be a PC or not.
Also, no one objected to the misuse of "point of order."
121: well, there would be a voting system that allocated both resources and votes, so the key would be to manuever yourself into a position of strength when your resource production still exceeded your own personal use. If you failed to do that, yes, you would be thrown to the wolves.
well, you should have said "Point of parliamentary procedure! My right honorable friend Professor Tooth's point of order is void and should not be considered."
An interesting page with some formulas, charts and graphs on variations in the length of daylight and twilight with latitude and date. The significant increase in the length of twilight in the poleward regions is the real bonus on top of the already lenghtened days.
It's one of the really nice things about Scottish summers, the incredibly long days. When we were kids we'd be allowed to play out until it got dark during the summer holidays. So at 10pm there'd be dozens of little kids outside playing football.
People forget that Aberdeen [for example] is pretty much exactly the same latitude as Sitka, Alaska and even Stirling is only a little over half a degree further south.
As Gonerill says, walking back from the pub in twilight is great. Even better, boozing until 1am, then slowly strolling a couple of miles home, and finding the sun coming up before you get back.
I wonder if, in real life, you had a friend start out a conversation with Ogged's story, 128 utterances later, you'd find yourself chatting about Scottish twilight.
Probably.
129. If you knew what was good for you.
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Is this the current American politics thread? If so, am I expected to believe this?
|>
I once dreamed that I was a range of hedge funds. It was OK, but I couldn't talk to my family because I was worried about compromising my offshore status.
69 meet 21.
131: Via the Froomkin link "Alexander attributes that scene to 'a source close to a key adviser to the president.'" I'd reserve judgment until I see the nature of the denials (if any).
All academic meetings should follow the Congressional rules of order and allow filibustering.
128: When my brother was in Alaska the game was to go into a tavern at sunset and come out after dawn.
I once dreamed that I was the worst bad-mortgage tranche of a;;. The Stagolee or Simon Legree of tranches -- cackling with glee as I murdered innocents, ruined lives, drove families from their homes, and tied nubile blondes to the railroad tracks as the train approached. Vengeance was mine, and Western civilization as we knew it was going down!
And then I woke up.
When my brother was in Alaska the game was to go into a tavern at sunset and come out after dawn.
October to April? That's hardcore.
The rumors that bother me are the war with Iran rumors. It sounds as though Bush intends to hand Obama an impossible situation. Facts on the ground.
Broder ridicules the idea of impeachment, as does the brainless crypto-Republican shit John Aravosis. OTOH Jonathan Turley and John Dean think that it's not only justified but necessary. It's really the only hold we have over Bush, but Pelosi and the Democrats have renounced it. They're still more afraid of DFHs than they are of runaway authoritarianism.
I briefly participated in a competitive parliamentary procedure team when I was 12 or 13. I dropped it before the first competition (this was in the Future Farmers of America).
My father was an advisor to an FFA chapter and coached several teams to the national finals, both in parliamentary procedure and land judging.
The land judging teams always tanked in the nationals, because they were held in Oklahoma, and those mountain boys would look at all that flat land and say, "Hell, it all looks GREAT to me!"
Now Ogged can phone an Iranian and explain this peculiar interpretation of the phrase, "the American Dream."
137. This prospect has me absolutely paralysed with terror, because it's so typical of them I can't imagine they won't do it.
Alex Harrowell has a track record of explaining why there's not going to be an attack on Iran any time soon, which is usually very good for the blood pressure. I wish he'd show up and explain it all again.
re: 135
In midsummer? That's hardly hard-core. That's about 4 hours drinking. In mid-winter, a bit more impressive.
In Edinburgh, when licensing laws were a tiny bit less liberal than they are now* it used to be a standard student thing to do 24 hours. That did involve some work, as after about 3am the struggle to find places that were open and which you could time leaving so as to make the sorts of pubs that open really early, was quite hard. The Glasgow equivalent [mentioned here before] is to do the Clockwork Orange. Getting off at every stop on the circular underground line, finding a pub and getting a drink at every stop. With the added thrill that there's a long stretch on the south side of the river where the pubs are often deeply sectarian.
* but, at the time, quite a bit more liberal than England [or Glasgow, even]
where the pubs are often deeply sectarian
As in, Presbyterian versus Anglican? Protestant versus Catholic? Seriously, I had no idea that Glasgow had sectarian cleavages.
And how can the locals tell if an interloper is not of the true faith? Is it an accent thing? Or do they make you deny the corporeal presence of Christ in the Eucharist?
Protestant versus Catholic
This. Only it's all filtered through football and the conflict in Northern Ireland.
And how can the locals tell if an interloper is not of the true faith?
If it's like parts of Ireland, basically if they don't already know you (or one of your relatives) then you're not of the true faith.
Protestant versus Catholic? Seriously, I had no idea that Glasgow had sectarian cleavages.
This is an example of how there isn't so much a uniform North American view of Europe, as an ethnic divide in how it's seen: I can't remember when I didn't know this, even though I've never been there. On the other hand, there are probably shockingly basic things I don't know about Germany, that many other Americans do know.
due to the thunderstorm i did not have power yesterday and spent the evening browsing my pictures and listening to the mp3s in total darkness
should buy some candles and matches at least
surprisingly, i recognised and liked all songs in the summer mix except tracks 1 and 10
re: 144
Plus (as you know) they look at whether you are wearing the appropriate colour or not, and whether you join in when they start singing the appropriate songs, etc. I used to live near Ibrox, and on match days would never leave the house wearing anything other than a blue and red [not football related] jumper I happened to own.
Seriously, I had no idea that Glasgow had sectarian cleavages.
This is funny because Glasgow's sectarian divide via Rangers & Celtic is about the only thing that a lot of Europeans know about the city.
I was in Lisbon at the time of the Rangers/Sporting UEFA semi-final in April, and the Americans I was with couldn't understand why all the Scots were waving Union flags instead of Saltires, so it's not a unique lack of knowledge. (The Portuguese just clocked that they were falling down drunk at lunchtime and despised them indescrimately.)
ttaM, what do the Old Firm heavies do if you wear, say, Partick colours?
If the Scots only had guns. If they did, they could rise to the American standard.
Mmmmm. Sectarian cleavages. I love the Italian Catholic cleavages best. And Ann Hathaway's, which is also Catholic.
This is an example of how there isn't so much a uniform North American view of Europe, as an ethnic divide in how it's seen: I can't remember when I didn't know this, even though I've never been there.
Well, Renfrew Co. They still have parades there on the 12th July.
According to David Hackett Fisher's Albion's Seed, the Scotch-Irish cleavages have tended toward the prodigious since colonial times. Modern exemplar: Dolly Parton.
The Portuguese just clocked that they were falling down drunk at lunchtime and despised them indescrimately
I was in Paris during the 1998 World Cup, and the visiting Scottish fans were the talk of the town. There was a lot of discussion in the press of the atavistic bond between the French and the Scots through their shared hatred of England.
I wasn't sure what to make of that until I saw a group of drunken Scotsmen in kilts on a Metro train singing (to the tune of the Pet Shop Boys' Go West), "Stand u-u-u-p, if you hate Eng-land, stand u-u-u-p, if you hate England."
Within a few seconds, they had successfully prodded the entire subwaycar full of Frenchman to get on their feet.
Michael Manning-pwned. But Hillary Clinton isn't Shaalis, the Sacred Androgyne, I'm afraid.
ridicules the idea of impeachment
Congress isn't likely to impeach Bush at this point, but I don't think it's a waste of time to read in to the record a list of every crime and misdemeanor that he can be accused of. Maybe that record will be helpful to future prosecutions.
154. That sounds about right, although the ould enmity has gone off the boil since I was a kid. A Scottish friend of mine once told me that Alf Ramsey, the England manager in the 60s, was the last decent England boss, not because he won the World Cup, but because he was the last one who understood the fundamental importance of stuffing the Jocks.
I prefer the "random junk" theory of dreaming myself
As, apparently, does ogged.
Back when I was 19 and the Monica stuff was going on, I used to fantasize about being the White House intern whom Hillary Clinton would pull into the (Lincoln?) bedroom to take revenge on Bill.
I kind of love Neil.
I have dreamt about having sex with bill clinton before. when I woke up I was annoyed at myself that I had fallen for his sweet-talking bullshit.
Shouldn't those actually have been gaysers, not geysers?
I think the thug solution to Partick Thistle is to beat the shit out of you anyway, because you're obviously a wimpy middle-class twit who isn't man enough to support Celtic or Rangers and therefore chose the opt-out club.
And yes, long northern summer evenings are great (especially if you really want to get something done - I changed job round about this time last year. it's sort of the opposite of the dark before 4 pm, sod it let's drink, cry and masturbate effect)
ttaM, what do the Old Firm heavies do if you wear, say, Partick colours?
They're inclined to wonder if you're a Rangers supporting Partick fan or a Celtic supporting Partick fan. And then do what Alex says in 161.
I'm all for a simplied form of Robert's Rules when it's needed, but with a cohesive group*, consensus is the way to go. Contrary to popular belief, consensus doesn't have to be an endless and tedious process. It can, in fact, be extremely efficient and can lead to better outcomes.
*Up to 200 or so if it's really cohesive and big philosophical differences aren't at stake.
