What play? What play? Was Blume's cousin in it?
Now he tells them that their text messages are showing up on the actors' teleprompters
Absolutely brilliant.
Bwa ha ha! I can hear the sneer in which he delivers the news: "Um, folks, so you know, everyone back stage is havin a laff over your bullshit."
This post is not from one of the new bloggers. SEND IT BACK.
One of the new bloggers will be posting the Whitey tape at 0900 hours.
The fact that Becks is not one of the new bloggers is mitigated somewhat by the fact that this is a very funny post.
I would expect some of the kids to respond to this by starting to send messages designed to crack up the actors.
"Raise your hand if you're going to die in the third act"
Are you sure these young people were not located on or in the vicinity of your lawn?
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The fate of male pigs would make any feminazi happy. Most are castrated and eaten. A few are kept intact for breeding, but they never see a lady pig. They just watch porcine porn and hump a robot semen-collecting lady pig.
Everyone knows this. But not everyone knows that a few intact boars are assigned the job of sniffing out the ladies to see if they're ready. They never get to touch them either, because they're unworthy. Their job requires them to be in a constant state of horny frustration.
An image for our times. I blame B.
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9: Last I checked, I was pro-fucking.
Terribly.
Who wants to cook dinner? I'm still tired.
(bursts through wall holding smaller version of self)
OH, YEAH!
14: I'm thinking of ordering out despite the obvious fiscal irresponsibility in doing so. If I do, I'll order ribs.
I had a whole chicken thawed and ready to roast and couldn't bear turning ont he over for 3 hours so I ordered pizza.
I see a future in sex-friendly pork.
So among male pigs, having sex with non-sentient beings and watching porn is encouraged, rather than stigmatized. Sounds OK except for the minority who would prefer artisanal sex.
A popular breed of pig in Germany and Scandinavia is the topig. I have sources you guys don't.
The pork you eat is from sexless pigs who just eat and shit, or maybe from lady pigs who've had enough litters. There aren't very many of the perv boars, and I doubt that they end up in the commercial pork stream.
Sorry John, but PERVs are in every bite of pork you eat.
Sounds OK except for the minority who would prefer artisanal sex.
You can't spell 'artisanal sex' without buttfucking.
Contemporary mass-market pork production derives from an astonishingly narrow gene pool (some breeding lines developed in the UK for rapid maturation and low fat content). That's why artificial insemination is de rigeur; the cost of raising a pig that falls even a few pounds short of the target slaughter weight after the standard feeding period can equate to the entire profit on the animal.
Another curious fact that I learrned working in the pork business: the wholesale margin on shrinkwrapped, case-ready pork is almost entirely accounted for by the addition of water. That is, after you account for waste and the cost of processing, the price per pound of meat of the raw material is identical to the price per pound of meat of the finished product. The only difference is that the finished product contains 10 percent water.
This is pretty clever, I will admit, but I do rather wish that the usher would just throw the fuckers out between scenes. Maybe it would teach them a lesson.
Contemporary mass-market pork production derives from an astonishingly narrow gene pool (some breeding lines developed in the UK for rapid maturation and low fat content). That's why artificial insemination is de rigeur; the cost of raising a pig that falls even a few pounds short of the target slaughter weight after the standard feeding period can equate to the entire profit on the animal.
I'm not sure how anything that follows "that's why" is actually explained by the narrow gene pool.
Another curious fact that I learrned working in the pork business: the wholesale margin on shrinkwrapped, case-ready pork is almost entirely accounted for by the addition of water. That is, after you account for waste and the cost of processing, the price per pound of meat of the raw material is identical to the price per pound of meat of the finished product. The only difference is that the finished product contains 10 percent water.
I'm always kind of amazed that it's legal to do this without including a notice to the effect that water has been added to bump the weight. Oh, FDA, how captive you are!
Meat is pretty cheap, though.
I know what the feminazis are thinking, though: "What happens to all those tasty pig nuts?"
I'm always kind of amazed that it's legal to do this without including a notice to the effect that water has been added to bump the weight.
There are actually labeling requirements depending on how much water is added.
There are actually labeling requirements depending on how much water is added.
Yeah, I know. But why should it depend?
I also have this admittedly unrealistic thought that, if you have to adulterate your own product, you should get out of business, because you're behaving shamefully.
I'm always kind of amazed that it's legal to do this without including a notice to the effect that water has been added to bump the weight. Oh, FDA, how captive you are!
I'm fairly certain there's (supposed to be) some disclosure at some point down the chain. At least, there was 20-odd years ago, when members of my family were indicted for bribing USDA inspectors to overlook the fact that the water content of their meat products was higher than it was supposed to be. (Which was, according to those family members, standard practice in the industry, and the only way to make a profit.)
Did Emerson spend the day on a pig farm or something?
We seem to have a surprising number of commenters with detailed knowledge of the pork industry.
I'll go into my very rare pro-business mode. On the one hand, meat is really incredibly cheap compared to almost any time in the past, due to high-tech factory-farming and cutthroat competition. On the other, at worst, the reason everyone does it is because people buy meat by the pound and don't notice the doctoring, and at best because the doctored meat is juicier and people like it.
Dinner is ending up being something halfway between bobotie and plain old meatloaf. Sigh.
I was reading a story in the Sauk Centre newspaper about some German pig farmers visiting their American uncle.
I have no pig farm. No Republicans were harmed during the research for these comments.
33: You mean most people don't notice b/c they've never had anything different.
Also we eat too much meat blah blah. Whatevs.
And here I thought you watered stock before you slaughtered it.
Is it true they're going to start allowing the use of cell phones during airline flights? Please tell me this is nothing more than an internet rumour.
What I hate is when people stage these Very Important Phone Calls (so important that it simply cannot wait! that it has to be done at cramped quarters in a shared social space, and in a vocal tone that is at least 50 percent louder than regular conversational speech) in order to demonstrate to the other passengers what Very Important People they really are, when all they're doing is gossiping about one of the branch managers and double-checking on details (meeting times, and etc) that could easily be handled by email or text messaging.
Okay, I guess that sounds a bit cranky. But if you've ever travelled with small children...the surplus of tolerance for loud adults making noises on cell phones, combined with the deficit of tolerance for little kids making little kid noises, is an odd (and cranky-making) combination.
Are there people who prefer unwatered meat? Seriously? Do they try to figure out ways to get unwatered meat, or to dewater the meat they buy? It's not like water is carcinogenic.
On the train to the airport, I had the privilege of listening to a guy consult with a lawyer about what sounded like an impending divorce. Apparently he put her through grad school and paid for almost all their stuff. She shouldn't get half.
Hmmm. That would be a good time for an old, cranky theater-goer to beat the teenagers with his cane. Or her umbrella, depending.
I'm going to make a pretty cranky old man, I can tell already. I'll probably get shot by a teenager at some point.
Cranky old men of the future will pack heat.
I wouldn't get the joke, but there aren't really new bloggers, are there?
man do i hate it when people text during a movie. Last time some young guy did this right in front of me I just kicked the back of his chair till he stopped. I'm a people person.
I'm not sure how anything that follows "that's why" is actually explained by the narrow gene pool.
The simple explanation is that the impact of good genetics is such that it is more profitable to purchase semen from the producers who control the prized genetics than to allow inferior breeding stock to inseminate the sows naturally. Roughly the same process played out in the dairy industry in the 1960s and early '70s, until the genes of the most sought-after sire (the legendary holstein-frisian bull Elevation) became so widespread that the relative advantage was neutralized. The pork industry is still in the early stages of the process, as the revolution in pork genetics is still relatively recent.
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Where's ogged to post a basketball thread?
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Ogged is in heaven, Sifu, swimming with a hot lifeguard and murdering infidels.
Well he can still put up a basketball post.
I know what the feminazis are thinking, though: "What happens to all those tasty pig nuts?"
Sausage, we expect.
Last I checked, I was pro-fucking.
"I prefer fucking as just a hobby, myself."
Or something like that.
That comment was obligatory, perfunctory, and joyless, since it should have been made far upthread. Whither the commentariat? Man, ogged leaves and standards just go all to hell.
porcine sexual identity is wntirely environmental and not at all inherited, and consists entirely of being castrated, being pregnant, humping robots, and sniffing ladies' butts, according to what the farmer wants. Talk about subjectification and shit!
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Who knew you could just steal from Kobe at will?
I will make a rare foray into the food side of things here and recommend that if you are ever in Hungary (or anyplace else where it is available) try some Mangalica pork. Best pork and maybe the best cut of meat of any kind I have ever had. Does not do well on factory farms so it tends to be a little expensive, plus they're cute!
I will make a rare foray into the food side of things here and recommend that if you are ever in Hungary (or anyplace else where it is available) try some Mangalica pork.
Now you tell me.
52, 54: Speaking for all of the Internet, I hereby stipulate that: yes, yes, indeed, the Celtics rule and the Lakers drool. Any further woofing on this topic will be viewed as an irrevocably hostile act and met with massive retaliation.
It's only in an age of reliable medico-techno birth control, which would also be an age of deeply incoherent but also deeply heartfelt opposition to that reliability, that it would even occur to anyone to declare herself as "pro-fucking." Formerly, that stance would just have been assumed of the majority of the population, whether male or female, which is to say of both, and with only the possible exception of the priests. Hence Malthus, the "gloomy parson" (see, they said he was "gloomy" not because of what he said on available food to population ratios, but because it was thought he wanted to stop people from doing what they would otherwise just naturally be inclined to do). "Sex as [personal? political?] emancipation" is a uniquely modern conceit, and one that breaks down with even the most cursory glance at, you know, its putatively "pre-emancipatory" history.
58: S'okay. It doesn't seem to be too common over there anyway.
So sweet. So sweet.
"I remember when Jordan yelled at his teammates, didn't hit a field goal for 20 minutes, and got blown out of the finals by 30 points" That's the ad I want to see.
61: Yeah, I only stumbled on it during my 3rd visit, I think it was basically gone after being popular before the factory farm era, and just now making a comeback.
I am going to start a webpage titled "Allen torches Vujacic"
64: the bandwidth costs would be prohibitive.
Can this be the basketball thread? Or maybe we should just go over to Ogged's and listen to the game on an AM transistor while sitting on his stoop.
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17 reminded me to take an ingredient I need for work tomorrow out of the freezer. Thank you unfogged for improving my productivity.
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This is always already the basketball thread.
I should probably add that I'm about to make quite a bit of money when the Cs win tonight. I've always had the audacity of hope. Now, if only I had bet Petey, too.
64: nice
That Phil Jackson is a genius, I tell you what.
Texas Republican convention—keeping it classy. (Button for sale that reads "If Obama is President will we still call it the White House.")
66: nobody wants basketball threads anymore. It's all reading lists and pig nuts.
Can this be the basketball thread?
Some say basketball, some say swimming...Elvis has left the building is all I know for certain.
Thank you unfogged for improving my productivity.
Thank you for inseminating all those sows so we can have delicious pork.
The blog that weaves together basketball, reading lists, and pig nuts will positively pwn the internets.
55: Hmm. I've had Mangalica pork in Hungary. I remember it as good, but not distinctly better than other good pork I've had. Maybe I tried it at the wrong restaurant.
Oh they're singing. The Garden fans are so polite and welcoming.
The blog that weaves together basketball, reading lists, and pig nuts will positively pwn the internets.
I should note that I have total faith that the new bloggers here will be able to achieve the above while also occasionally posting about swimming and stand mixers. And white people will like them. Again, I am nothing if not audaciously hopeful.
Truly, Kobe is reminding us of those legendary Finals moments of the Jordan era.
I should probably add that I'm about to make quite a bit of money when the Cs win tonight.
Ari! Please tell me that wasn't you I saw earlier this evening, outside the off-track betting, smoking a cigar and looking surly.
Sam Cassell looks 70 again he's so happy.
82: I only bet very occasionally (every day) and tiny amounts (the mortgage) on shoe-ins (longshots). So don't worry about me; I'm practically swimming in donuts.
How much time is left in the game? I want to know when to expect the rioting to start.
Query: If the Jazz had had Kobe instead of Jeff Hornacek, would they have beaten the Jordan Bulls at least once?
Celebrate with dignity! No public ice-cream eating!
The most interesting part of this series has been watching Doc Rivers outcoach Phil Jackson. Score one for Red Auerbach's ghost.
87: They beat them twice.
They beat them twice.
Twice each series, as I recall.
So don't worry about me; I'm practically swimming in donuts.
Oh, no worries. No money down? No problem! Our professional mortgage consultants hired thugs will be in touch with you break your kneecaps very soon. Hey! What do you know about Zoom airlines? I'm about to fly Zoom from TO to London Gatwick and nobody here has even heard of this airline. Should I be worried, or what?
Does anyone have Tim's e-mail address. I'd like to make absolutely certain that he's okay miserable.
Should I be worried, or what?
Um, yes? Did you buy your ticket from a street vendor on St. Marks? I only ask because I, too, have never heard of that airline
I hardly think Garnett will use this of all times to check up on Tim.
Also, I meant would the Jazz have won an entire SERIES, obviously.
The Jazz were good enough to take the Bulls in a series, but apparently decided to choke instead.
Did you buy your ticket from a street vendor on St. Marks?
Um, yeah. Just before heading off to the lunchtime buffet at the fabulous little Afghan restaurant. He swore to me it was 100 percent pure imitation authentic. I declined to parse the meaning of that phrase at time of purchase.
Zoom Airlines Incorporated is a Canadian low-fare scheduled transatlantic airline based in Ottawa, Ontario.
Sorry, didn't realize that was going to be 100, which really should have been some sort of Kobe reference.
55: What teo said. On the plus side, you know what we had there that really kicks ass? Hungarian fried chicken. Damn tasty.
Damn Celtics, couldn't hold a lead. They let the Lakers make a run in the last two minutes. Only thing better than this will be the first tuesday in November.
Teo! That's good information. You know more about Canadian transport than I do, that's for sure.
Also, after flying from Canada to England on the so-called Zoom airline, I plan to take a brief foray into the southwest of Ireland, where I'm supposed to have hired a car at Cork Airport from some sort of car rental wholesaler based in Germany. What could possibly go wrong?!
I think I used Zoom to fly from Paris to Valencia. They are adequate. Then again, all those low-budget carriers sound the same.
Hungarian fried chicken. Damn tasty.
We've made falafel-battered fried chicken a couple of times. Damn, do I wish we had pictures. Delicious.
You know more about Canadian transport than I do, that's for sure.
All I did was google zoom airlines. They have a website too.
The Celtics are the least obnoxious team in the current Boston sports dynasty, and their opponent is the most obnoxious faced by any recent Boston team. So, good.
Also, I would like to reiterate once again my pre-series statement that Kobe Bryant is overrated.
I think Boston's current three-sport run is historically unprecedented. No city has ever even come close to this.
109: rilly! Who woulda thunk? And Dannyainge!
The revelation that people backstage were reading my texts would be incentive to text more, not less, to screw with the actors.
Where's Ari? Keep hope alive, you may get that Obama sock monkey yet!
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_9612403
A stuffed sock monkey doll dressed as and named after presidential candidate Barack Obama may not be shelved just yet, despite cries of racism from around the country.
OT: I think he's talking about us.
Anyone know what's up with Bird not showing up for any of the games?
115: That guy looks like Bob Knight.
"I am aware of all internet traditions and also of literary conventions."
118, Couldn't be apo, "sport's nuts" make him sick.
115: I love the look on the kid's face. That kid is mocking his elders beyond his years.
Also love that Racists made the list. Along with Dykes on Bikes. Two of my bêtes noirs, for sure.
119: It's like a robot from Mars discovered comment boxes.
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How bad is your hangover, Sifu?
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Also love that Racists made the list. Along with Dykes on Bikes. Two of my bêtes noirs, for sure.
I am trying to figure out why "computer freaks" is on the list. Not that I doubt that guy would dislike them, but how they fit into his whole scheme of things God hates.
124: I guess I didn't really need to pause & play since this turned into a basketball thread, but I'm rule-abiding like that.
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Apo, was last weeks weather normal for NC or does your state just hate me?
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127: It was a little hotter than usual, but not extraordinarily so. There also was the big blanket of smoke from the fires down in the eastern swamps.
I assumed the smoke thing wasn't normal. I just wasn't sure that the 100+ temps were normal for Early June.
100+ temperatures are bloody unnatural.
Well yeah. Those were records for that early in the year, actually. But we've been trending that way for the past decade or so, with summers getting progressively hotter and winters getting progressively more disappointing.
100+ temperatures are bloody unnatural.
At your latitude, I'd hope so. I'm often surprised when reminded just how far north most of Europe actually is.
100+ temperatures are bloody unnatural.
Agreed. When the thermometer rises above normal human body temperature, it's like walking around in a fever.
re: 132
Yeah, I pointed out on the 'day length' comments the other day, where I'm from is roughly on a parallel with Sitka, Alaska.
In England, temperatures in the high 80s or very low 90s aren't at all uncommon in the summer, but I think 100 has only been broken once.
Winnipeg: record high, 105; record low, -42. What a wealth of weather experiences they have.
Trivia question: which two U.S. states have never recorded a temperature above 100 degrees F?
As is not terribly unusual with Wiki, you have another option for record low: -54 F. That makes more sense to me. I like Wiki's "we report, you decide" policy.
Heh, for the entire UK, the temperature range is:
-17 F --- > 101 F.
[I'm using nonsensical F measurements under sufferance]
One is Hawaii. I suppose the other is Alaska. Right?
For years I have endured the winter slurs from my southern brethren about how COLD it is in MN and how do I like the COLD?! For years I have held my tongue as the same brethren fell torpid in their sweltering summer.
Now global warming is exaggerating the effect and ha, haha, haha, ha ha.
Sure a swath just south of me has endured flooding but here in my neck of the woods the weather has been absolutely brilliant lately. Warm days, cool nights, dry air.
Envy me. Hate me. I love it.
139:
Alaska is a state?! Then how can Obama be eligible to run for President?
An interesting trivia question is what was the 48th state added to the US? The answer seems to make no logical sense so it is curious.
Wasn't it Arizona and 1912? I know it's easy to look up, but that's what I remember.
142: Correctomundo. I don't recall the year but it was Arizona. I've always wondered how Arizona came to be the last of the contiguous states. Obviously I didn't wonder enough to actually look it up, but I did wonder in a lazy way.
a brief foray into the southwest of Ireland
The car will probably seem smallish and yet expensive. Roads narrow and twisty, and badly signed. From your comments here about your home area I think you'll find a lot of common cultural references and maybe even accents.
124: can't be hung over when you're high on life, Kraabby.
143: The 47th state is New Mexico, admitted January 6, 1912. Arizona was admitted February 14, 1912. (The 46th state is Oklahoma, admitted in 1907.) From a history classes I took long ago, I remember that Congress wouldn't admit AZ until it removed the part giving women the right to vote from the state constitution. The part was removed, AZ became a state, and then the constitution was immediately amended.
Thank you Michelle. I knew if I groveled sufficiently someone would do my work for me!
But once in, a state like Wyoming can set its own electoral standards, protected by Article I. So you had full adult sufferage and a Congresswoman elected from there in the same period AZ was being forced to conform.