Dammit Bob, I am sick of being the one who does all the work in this relationship.
And now everyone's going to point out the conventional well-established name for this phenomenon, and I'm going to feel en-dunced.
En banc?
max
['Asti sua sponte.']
||
So Usain Bolt just set a new 100m world record in Beijing.
|>
re: 7
While slowing down, spreading his arms wide, patting his chest and chilling out. God knows what time he can do if he runs flat out beginning to end on a fast track.
I see what you mean, if you're talking about things that might cause arguments. But, for things that don't raise issues, it's nice to have a partner who does give a fuck about things that I don't - mainly I suppose because otherwise stuff wouldn't get done. C takes photos and cleans the house, I book activities for the kids, and so on. We don't need to duplicate effort, and it's good that one of us gives a fuck and gets on with it.
C and I aren't very good at having arguments though, one of us usually ends up laughing. Having not really known each other very well before we got married, it's been a constant source of surprise to us how much we agree on things.
True. That sounds like a healthy division of labor. Maybe I'm painting with too broad a brush here.
1983 called.
"What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.
Make your move !
My only positive message about relationships is that the happiest relationships are between accepting, uncritical, affectionate people who really like to have someone else around.
People not much like me, for example. Others may speak for themselves.
A collective "oh, fuck it" doesn't help when you really need an answer. To take a mundane example: picking a place to go to dinner. If there's disagreement, one person can certainly give in and go with what the other person suggests, but you can't both do that, or you're left hungry.
Yes, that's a famous philosophical problem. In the New York restaurant districts you often find the dessicated, emaciated corpses of intelligentsia couples halfway between two equally-good restaurants. Usually they are face to face in argumentative postures, but sometimes they are holding hands and pulling in opposite directions.
I'd actually disagree with this one. What you want is for the person who cares less about any issue not to mind that they lose all the arguments, and to have the issues pretty evenly split. Buck is deeply misguided about how to prune houseplants -- he doesn't ever want to prune anything. While I disagree, he cares and I don't, so he wins, and I avert my eyes from the straggly plants, and it's okay. On how one interacts with children not eating their dinners, we also disagree, but I win that one because I care more. (He's a bit of a control freak, along the 'eat more of this, eat more of that, don't keep eating bread until you finish your meat' lines. I have one very serious mealtime rule, (barring table manners and politeness generally) which is that they have to eat as much as they want to, and then stop. ) He's dropped it mostly, because I find it maddening, and I care more about that one.
If I were seething about not getting my way about the houseplants, or he were seething about the mealtime management, we'd have a problem. As it is, we're in good shape.
14. I care about very few domestic issues. I am happy to lose arguments on that basis, indeed not to start them. I am generally content to do whatever anybody else wants to do. My wife finds this infuriating.
if you're talking about things that might cause arguments
Asilon, you're making the common but faulty assumption that there are topics that couples cannot argue about. My own experience indicates that no such topics exist.
Can this marriage be saved?
OFE will deliberately continue to agree to everything his wife suggests until finally she is pushed beyond her limit. What a cruel man.
Things my girlfriend and I have argued about.
NOTE: This is fiction.
re: 18
Not strictly, no. Mil Milington used to write a newspaper column. The website and his newspaper column were all, allegedly, (although I assume exaggerated-for-comic-effect) versions of real events.
His book, on the other hand, was mostly fiction. I remember the novel as quite funny, although it's been a while since I read it.
Heebie, it is so right of you to occasionally make posts in which you are so wrong. Let Michael Phelps stand as an a example of what happens when someone ignores the need for balance in their life.
The road to success in math was made plain by Erdös, but Heebie has refused to follow it. She's wrong, wrong, wrong! I reject the cult of Heebie! If she's going to continue to call herself a mathematician, she should be required to take smart pills like the others. She's like an Amish mathematician using sixteenth century methods.
Did Erdös ever come around on the Monty Hall problem?
The road to success in math was made plain by Erdös, but Heebie has refused to follow it.
Did Erdös ever come around on the Monty Hall problem?
Plus
Asti Spu Mante?
I can solve the Heebster's paper issues and make a bad joke at the same time!
Asti sua sponte is, of course, another name for the Drunken Monty Hall Problem!
max
['Solve this and the world is your (drunken) oyster!']
After all these years, those little bracketed endnotes on Max's comments still piss me off. I need to find a woman who shares this foible.
You're supposed to prune houseplants?
OT: I just had the nice facebook experience of seeing a guy who I remembered as the nice-enough cousin of my annoying jock neighbor put a whole bunch of n+1 issues on his "Visual Bookshelf".
Depends on the houseplant. Anything that has stems a couple feet long with a few sad leaves at the end needs a haircut.
Most of my houseplants seem to have said "Oh fuck it!" and died, which is why we all get along so well, me and my plants.
Heebie's probably mostly right, though. At least, Mr. B. and I don't follow her rule: we both Care Deeply about amazingly petty crap, and will argue about it even after one of us has said "I don't care any more." Then the other says things like "but we need to do this!!!" or whatever.
If you break the "fuck it" rule, you have to be able to say, after the Person who Cares has won the day, "you know what? Thanks for pushing that--you were right." Also, of course, you have to have a fairly high argument tolerance.
Of course, by John's standards, we're deeply unhappy.
It's possible, B, that behind your harsh, evil persona lies an affectionate person who really likes to have someone else around. The "easygoing, accepting" part may even be true, though it does seem less likely. Perhaps venting on the internet takes some of the pressure off Mr.B.
I think most of it is not to be a dick and to have similar argument tolerance. Also, willing to pull your weight once you lose the argument, especially if it's about housework.
Mr. B. and I don't follow her rule: we both Care Deeply about amazingly petty crap,
Isn't the rule that you have to have similar levels of oh fuck it? This seems to be a case of parity at low levels.
This household has gotten old & placid enough that we need the dogs in order to generate an argument. Not between us, but we argue with the dogs.
Ok, she does think I am too submissive and Beta, but I think I am winning that one.
31: I am an extrovert, yes, and I can be affectionate. Easygoing and accepting = hell no. And no, the venting on the internet is a lot like how I am in real life with people who know me.
Your theory is crap, is what I'm trying to tell you.
Yeah, I think similar argument tolerance, and even similar degrees of Giving a Fuck are good, it's just that it's even better if the same degree of Fuck Giving is distributed differently across issues for each partner, so that you can empathize with the degree of Fuck that your partner gives, while taking advantage of the division of labor for expending mental energy and getting things done.
Manteca is sort of like Kansas, and B. is blonde, wholesome, and perky, a veritable Suzy Creamcheese. Perhaps that's Mr. B's kink.
I don't feel that she's damaged my theory of relationships much, however.
In other news, I just made buckets of delicious salsa verde, and soon will be turning some beautiful dried hominy into this, and this.
Remember, Kansas is where my sister met her sociopath husband. The Kansas I saw was reasonably blonde, but not very wholesome.
After all these years, those little bracketed endnotes on Max's comments still piss me off.
People are sticky
when you're a weirdo
Faces look sneaky
when you're alone
Postmen seem tricky
when you're unlisted
Streets bite your feet
when you're down
When you're...weeeiiirrrdddd
Faces come out of the drain
When you're weeeeiiiirrrdddd
The TV sings your name
When you're weird
When you're weird
When you're weeiirrrrrrdddd
Toilets are listening
when you're a weirdo
Faces look fishy
when you're abalone
Tentacles appealing
when you're a muppet
Puddles are mirrors
where you drown
When you're weeeiiiiiirrrddd
Your Voices argue the game
When you're weeeeiiiirrrddd
YHWH mangles your name
When you're weird
When you're weird
When you're weeiirrrrrrdddd
When you're weeeeeeeiirrrrdd
Faces come out of the drain
When you're weeiiirrrrddd
YHWH mangles your name
When you're weird
When you're weird
When you're weeiirrrrrrdddd
I need to find a woman who shares this foible.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a (very very small) online dating site dedicated to hating me. And likely you as well.
max
['THOU SHALT HATE THY NEIGHBORS AS THYSELF']
42: Hint, John: Central California is not primarily blond. Except for the grass.
But Central California is primarily wholesome.
Except for the gang activity, drugs, poverty, foreclosure crisis, low education levels, materialism, and high debt loads, sure.
When I think Central CA, places like Bakersfield and Fresno jump to mind. No thank you.
30: I also hate the contraction 'em.
30: I also hate the contraction 'em.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a (very very small) online dating site dedicated to hating me. And likely you as well.
I'm offended that you'd think I've only alienated a small number of women.
I'm offended that you'd think I've only alienated a small number of women.
OooooK! You've also alienated some very very large women!
"And then..." the vampire panted, "the 40-something soccer mom dressed in a crotchless bondage outfit leapt into my lap and demanded me to "feast on the steaming blood of her womanhood." I almost didn't escape, for I was being crushed by her loins which were as thick as a hippo's buttocks. Meanwhile, other women were tearing at my hair and one almost ripped my foot off. I got lucky when the women around me began to fight with each other. In their distraction, I managed to scramble to my feet and jump through the window..."
max
['Sadly, I have nothing more peppy to add.']
46: I hate it when B brags about her native culture.
Much of which is shared with the rastier parts of Kansas.
47: I like Bakersfield, so there.
53: You can describe them in similar terms. But that doesn't really make them alike.
Mantecans are so fucking touchy. What are their sports teams named anyway?
The Albino Buffaloes.
At my California high school, we were the Dons. Not everyone really gets the mascot thing.
Know who else was a Don? Norm Van Brocklin.
51: I'm resisting the urge to write a W-lfs-nian response.
['Next time, try making some fucking sense.']
51: I'm resisting the urge to write a W-lfs-nian response.
Aw.
['Next time, try making some fucking sense.']
Why? Millions for nonsense, not one cent for tribute!
max
['Irritable much?']
48:I also hate the contraction 'em.
Read 'em & weep.
God, I'm a cruel sadistic bastard.
I think this thread deserves more attention than it got.
I can't believe you don't get this; in fifty, a hundred years, people will be clutching their heads saying "how did they not realize that heebie was right here too? Especially here!"