Re: Serious.

1

A heeblet-geeblet! Congratulations!


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:06 AM
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Wow. Congratulations.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:07 AM
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3

So you guys didn't even buy it for a little bit?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:08 AM
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I mean, thanks! We're excited.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:08 AM
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I admit, you had me for a moment.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:10 AM
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Yeah, for a long moment.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:11 AM
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7

Oh good!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:11 AM
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8

Congratulations!

Can I rub your belly at Unfogged DCon III?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:12 AM
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Two months pregnant! With twins! Twice!


Posted by: Nakku | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:12 AM
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8: Yes, but only if I can give your fortune.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:12 AM
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I said to myself, "Is this a joke?" And refrained from commenting.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:12 AM
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Two months pregnant! With twins! Twice!

No twins! Are you having Bobbsey twins?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:14 AM
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Flossie and Freddy are excellent names. As are Nan and Burt.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:15 AM
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Twins! You could name them Herbert and Gerbert.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:16 AM
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Hokey-Pokey and Hawaiian Punch! (It is definitely a single-ton, btw. Saw a heartbeat and stuff.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:17 AM
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15: But how will you know if it is your tits or the babies that Jammies is talking to?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:17 AM
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I still think we prefer twins. Can you get to work on that?


Posted by: Nakku | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:22 AM
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16: They both call him Daddy, so it'll be fine either way.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:22 AM
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So you guys didn't even buy it for a little bit?

Phew.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:25 AM
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Such a lack of self-awareness (in blogging, if not in conceiving) would be grounds for expulsion from the Kingdom of Unfogged. Everything must be interrogated.


Posted by: Chris Conway | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:32 AM
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21

Why havent you posted the three-deeeee ultrasound picture??!??!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:33 AM
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21: To be honest, I was kind of disappointed by it. My fetus is supposed to be spending an hour each day practicing piano and learning french, but it was just bobbing in space like a goddamn slacker. Already.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:35 AM
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Congrats!

(And that means the post two months back about whether it was okay to have kids before the wedding and how to deal with the parents was a little more than hypothetical, wasn't it?)


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:36 AM
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22: When Molly was pregnant with Caroline, I would read passages from the Tractatus Logico Philosophicus to her belly. It didn't seem to have much effect.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:41 AM
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Congrat's Heeb! Buying a house when you're relationship ambivalent also works very well.


Posted by: asl | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:42 AM
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22. Bobbing in space like an astrophysicist astronaut.

I bought it for a few long seconds. I've known a couple who did that. But even they weren't quite that honest with themselves, so your first part wasn't (I hoped).

Congratulations!


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:42 AM
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You're getting married first, though, right? J/k!!

Congratulations.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:43 AM
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Yeah....good memory. They're (rightly) concerned about HIPAA.

But lately the argument has calmed, once we pointed out that we can just say we're married if we're at a hospital. It's not like anyone is checking. (Plus, it turns out in Texas that to be common law married, all you have to do is declare it, so this is even a legal thing to do.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:43 AM
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28 to 23


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:44 AM
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26- Bobbing in space like MIA.


Posted by: asl | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:49 AM
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31

wait, were you kidding about the whole thing, or just the fighting part?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:49 AM
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32

You're just trying to steal the blog attention back from me and Sifu, aren't you?


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:50 AM
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33

Whoa! That's crazy. Crazy awesome! Congratulations, heeb.

And I was totally fooled.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:50 AM
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34

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Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:52 AM
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Thanks, all! Whoo!

31: Just the fighting part. The pregnancy part is true.

32: That attention was rightfully MINE!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:53 AM
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How do you know that a twin wasn't hiding behind its sibling during the ultrasound? It happens, you know. Congratulations!


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:54 AM
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36: Is that what happened with you guys? Were you originally told there was just one baby?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:54 AM
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That attention was rightfully MINE!

Oh yeah? Well you're not the only one who can... um, on second thought, nevermind.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:56 AM
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39

I'm still fooled.

But I was thinking if the post were straight I would be better off not commenting at all.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:56 AM
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37: No, thank God. We had fair warning from the first ultrasound.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:56 AM
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35: Oh, then wait, I need to congratulate you. Congratulations!

You know you aren't going to sleep at all for the next five years, minimum, right?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:57 AM
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Congratulations.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:59 AM
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43

So this means future unfoggedcons will have childcare and I can bring the family?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:59 AM
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Blume, your next step is clear.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:00 AM
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Way to cut straight to the buzzkill, rob. Don't forget the myth of the terrible twos: three is even worse! Have fun, heebster.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:02 AM
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46

A Heebie Geebling! Congratulations!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:02 AM
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47

Yes, but did you let people know via text message? Our thunder will not be stolen so easily


Posted by: Obama/Biden '08 | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:02 AM
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Just the fighting part. The pregnancy part is true.

This is the new "kidding on the hypotenuse" I've been hearing about, isn't it.

Congratulations!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:02 AM
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49

But JE, we've gotta space these things out so that there's always something going on here at unfogged.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:03 AM
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Wow! Congratulations! Sir Kraab is up in Massachusetts in a cabin in the woods, so probably won't read about this till later, but I'm sure she sends her congratulations too!

And I totally bought it up until the "And so, we decided to have a baby" part, whereupon I moved slightly down the credulous scale to "They wouldn't handle it that way! Would they??" Well done, ma'am.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:05 AM
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You know you aren't going to sleep at all for the next five years, minimum, right?

I know. I'm sort of fixated on how much work parenting is.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:06 AM
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Just the fighting part. The pregnancy part is true.

Another plus: when you're both sleep-deprived, moving on to the fighting part is easy-peasy.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:07 AM
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You dork. I was like, "That's an interesting angle to take, I guess."

Congratulations!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:07 AM
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Thinking ahead to the shower gifts, we totally call dibs on the baby-hammock that you'll set up next to your cat hammock.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:09 AM
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Don't know how that hyphen got in there. Get it out of there!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:09 AM
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I'm sort of fixated on how much work parenting is.

It's a lot of work, to be sure. But once the baby arrives, you'll be fixated on how you've never loved anything nearly as much. [/Hallmark]


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:10 AM
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Ari is a sap, but what he says is true.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:11 AM
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how you've never loved anything nearly as much

More than getting everyone to momentarily believe we're having a baby to heal the pain of our relationship?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:12 AM
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Awwww, a new bubbie! Congrats, heebie!


Ari is right in 56, one of the upshots being that Mr Vane seemed a lot less loveable than Baby Vane suddenly. Which was probably a drag for him, but oh well.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:14 AM
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58: No, not more than that. You need to have reasonable expectations.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:15 AM
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I see real risks to the quality of posting/commenting on unfogged for the next seven months if heebie has to give up smoking pot for the duration.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:15 AM
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I know. I'm sort of fixated on how much work parenting is.

"is" s/b "can be". I'm sure you can find a way.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:16 AM
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if heebie has to give up smoking pot for the duration.

S'okay, I've still got my speed.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:18 AM
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"is" s/b "can be". I'm sure you can find a way.

With, like strings and things, so you don't have to walk down the steps too often.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:22 AM
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Pfft. Parenting isnt that difficult. It is the same as any other job where you are working twenty-four-seven with someone's life totally depending on you.

Plus, your kids will remember (after the memory has been suppressed for years) every little insignificant thing that you did.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:27 AM
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Jesus, I'm gullible. I was in full "Come on, heebie's smarter than that, oh dear, what am I going to say?" spate untill I saw the comments. Congratulations on the non-hoaxy bit! And the no-sleep for five years thing really isn't inevitable.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:27 AM
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67

Where's JRoth been? He can tell you.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:28 AM
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LB is correct in 66. If you drink enough, then you can sleep through the crying.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:29 AM
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S'okay, I've still got my speed.

As I've explained, teeth aren't really very important.

As a mathematician, you can deduct your speed expenses as long as you get receipts.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:29 AM
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And the no-sleep for five years thing really isn't inevitable.

So true. Could be six.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:29 AM
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We didn't have the not-sleeping part. As an infant he'd get hungry about 3 am, I'd get him and he'd nurse until he was asleep. As a toddler I believe he just crawled in with us on his own. Whether we were lucky or just perfect parents I don't know.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:32 AM
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Six contains five, Jesus.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:33 AM
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I just called Sir Kraab in her cabin up in the Massachusetts woods to tell her the news, and it turned out she had just looked at the post (apparently her situation isn't quite as rustic as I'd been lead to believe), and her reaction was exactly like LB's in 66. Against my natural inclinations, I set her mind at ease.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:33 AM
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72: And seven ate nine, ben.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:34 AM
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71: Lucky, but that's not far off what it was like for us. No sleep for the first month to six weeks, then sleeping most of the night but a nighttime feeding, and then sleeping straight through by six months or so.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:34 AM
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Congratulations!!!!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:35 AM
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Okay, ben. Could be seven. Does that work better for you?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:35 AM
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And hey, there are brief periods of relief. Like how my kid started sleeping all night at 18 months, and then, after a year or so of that she just stopped. And has been up 5 times a night every night for the last 3 months. And the nice thing about that is how it helps you to realize how totally awesome your life was for that year. And how you felt like it was worth living. And, by that same logic, maybe it will be again someday.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:35 AM
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As an infant he'd get hungry about 3 am, I'd get him and he'd nurse until he was asleep.

Emerson has working titties! Hooray!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:35 AM
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Jesus, I'm gullible.
and her reaction was exactly like LB's in 66.

*Sniff* Moments like this make it all worthwhile.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:37 AM
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Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:39 AM
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80: I think her exact words were that she was "seriously concerned" about the situation.

And to be fair, LB's and SK's reaction was also mine until I read the comments.

As I said above, well done! Punk.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:39 AM
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the argument has calmed, once we pointed out that we can just say we're married if we're at a hospital

Wait, so the objection was "what will the nurses think"???

Your family is so weird.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:40 AM
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83: No, that one of us wouldn't be allowed in the ER under HIPAA if we got a super-beaurocratic entry person.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:42 AM
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85

You can just tell the people at the hospital that you're looking for sinners, heebie.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:42 AM
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86

To get into pushy advice, I looked at your blog, and this is totally the moment to buckle down and find an OB you don't hate. (If this is your only insurance possibility, you'll be fine. But if there's any way to get in with someone sympathetic, it's make you much happier.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:43 AM
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I sorta kinda bought it, because I'm astonishingly gullible, but at the same time I was thinking, "huh? Heebie and Jammies fighting? That seems so unlike them . . . I guess you never know . . ." and then the have a baby part sort of stunned me not so much b/c I believed it but b/c it was so wacked (though I did know a couple where the wife was hoping to do that and Mr. B. and I were like NOOOOOOO). But yeah, basically the "have a baby" part startled me into realizing that you were TOTALLY LYING YOU BITCH.

Which is a good skill to have, because lying to kids about stuff is one of the great joys of having them.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:43 AM
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71, 75, 78: All I can say is what I said to my triplet-having neighbor: you FUCKER wow, that's really great.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:43 AM
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89

teenie-weenie-heebie-geebie!!!


Posted by: disaggregated | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:44 AM
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Plus, it turns out in Texas that to be common law married, all you have to do is declare it, so this is even a legal thing to do

Common law divorce is a bitch, though.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:44 AM
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...if it ever happens


Posted by: disaggregated | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:45 AM
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84: Oh, okay. Your family is sweet and concerned. Good for them.

(Parenting isn't as hard as people say it is. Or rather, it is, but it just sort of becomes not "this is hard" but more like "this is life" and you just sort of do it. Also LB's 86 is awesome.)


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:47 AM
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What B means is that the memory of how much less hard (and occasionally more awesome) life used to be fades with each passing year of parenting.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:49 AM
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Hey, congratulations. Damn that kid's gonna have a fine ass when he or she grows up.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:50 AM
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Well played, Heebie. Congratulations!


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:52 AM
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96

Great baby song for h-g. Wainwright's "Being a Dad" is also a fun parenting song, but I couldn't find a clip.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:53 AM
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Dr. Vane is mostly correct. It does get better and better as they become functioning people with their own thoughts. Then, one sad day, they start rejecting the thoughts that you so vigorously planted in their little brains and start having their own thoughts.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:54 AM
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and this is totally the moment to buckle down and find an OB you don't hate.

I can't believe that it seems to be hard to find a local OB who doesn't do lipo and botox. I don't know if you went back a few entries, but that was my original complaint with the first guy.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:55 AM
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Daughter is another fabulous Wainwright song.

While we discuss the fabulousness of kids, I am sitting here next to my daughter with my laptop, while my daughter sleeps off a seizure. Nothing you can do but sit and hope she doesnt have another.

Darn kids!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:57 AM
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100

Come to Richmond and have your baby!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:57 AM
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101

That's scary, will.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:58 AM
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84: I know we've been over this, but I don't think that's right. The kid is (will be) related to Jammies, and the whole thing with ERs is that you normally don't have time to get your next of kin there before you get stitches. (Has no one here ever taken a friend to an emergency room?) So that leaves what, giving birth? Yeah, no one who is unmarried ever gives birth with anyone else around. Please.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:59 AM
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Oh, I'm sorry, Will. That's rough.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:00 AM
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99: Is she okay?


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:00 AM
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||

Synchronized swimming is on!
But let's still talk about me.

|>


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:02 AM
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102: No, yeah, I agree with you. Would you like to talk to my parents?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:05 AM
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It seems to be hard to find a local OB who doesn't do lipo and botox.

Like all elite liberals, Heebie feels she is too good for the blue-collar, down-to-earth NASCAR culture real Americans love.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:07 AM
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You don't want me to talk to your parents. "Let's drop the act, Mrs. Geebies. This doesn't have a damned thing to do with you worrying about the ER and the baby and Jammies and everything to do with what you think the neighbors will think. And they're not going to give a flying fart about it."


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:07 AM
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Eh, you get used to it. But it is not much fun. There really isnt anything to do but watch her and keep her from choking or falling out of the bed.

So I sit and talk with you about heebie's innards.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:08 AM
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My church lady mother was totally cool with the fact that a third to half of her grandchildren were bastards.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:11 AM
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---


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:12 AM
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Plus, heebs, this way you get to avoid the post-marriage "so, when are you having a baby?" teasing.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:15 AM
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Congrats, Heebie-Jammies!


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:17 AM
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Congrats, Heebie-Jammies!


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:17 AM
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Hey, congratulations, Heebie & Jammies.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:22 AM
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112: That is true! Say, when are you guys going to have a baby?

113-114: Thanks! Thanks!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:24 AM
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117

Have you picked out a religion yet?


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:24 AM
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118

and 115. And all. Whoo! Thanks for celebrating and being supportive of us.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:25 AM
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Sorry to hear, will. Best wishes for better times.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:25 AM
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I can know disclose the first thing Jammies ever said to me. He said, "I really want to have babies with her. She has great genes." Then, BR went and smacked her butt and said "Yes, she does!"


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:26 AM
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There really isnt anything to do but watch her and keep her from choking or falling out of the bed.

I understand that Valium can be quite helpful in these situations, will. For you, that is, not your daughter.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:27 AM
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Sounds difficult, will. Hope that doesn't happen often.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:28 AM
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Say, when are you guys going to have a baby?

Honestly? We have no idea. shiv wants one, like, yesterday. I figure that we should probably wait until I have a job. Of course, that might be never, so...


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:32 AM
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Huzzah huzzah heebie!

I have until October of next year to get my fiancee two months pregnant. Those are the rules.

Baby song. (I've put that up here before.)


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:37 AM
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Thanks for celebrating and being supportive of us.

Well now that you mention it, heebie, are you sure this whole baby thing is such a good idea???


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:38 AM
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I mean, have you even thought about how much work parenting can beis?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:39 AM
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127

Wow. Late to this, but big congratulations, guys. That will make four front-pagers with kids then, right? Man, has this place changed over the years.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:41 AM
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KR:

So this syringe of valium that says "give rectally" should go to me, not her?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:42 AM
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127: Yeah, I think we need to change the name of the blog to "Unthirtysomething" or something like that.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:43 AM
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Baby song. I have never put this up here before.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:43 AM
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--


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:45 AM
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127. Unf, gone and forgotten.

Don't forget all the Meekins kids.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:45 AM
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Hey, that's fantastic.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:52 AM
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132: How could anyone forget Meekins and all those adorable posts about his/her children?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:52 AM
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If this baby doesn't make Jammie love you, just wait, he'll settle down and be ready for adulthood once the third kid comes around.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:59 AM
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And evenif he doesn't, all that fertility will make all the tenant farmers around want to snap you up.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:01 PM
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Congrats, Heebie & Jammies! I suspect hospitals are used to unwed parents; just don't admit to being a blogger. There are rules against that in Texas.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:01 PM
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Daughter is another fabulous Wainwright song

Which is actually by Peter Blegvad.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:02 PM
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Unless you can't remember how many blogs you've got.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:02 PM
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Wait, I might be seriously confused there. n/m.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:03 PM
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140: No, I think you're right.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:05 PM
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Oddly, I think that I may never have heard any music by Blegvad at all. I've read his Leviathan comics, though.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:06 PM
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Congrats, Heebie!


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:07 PM
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Woohoo Heebie! Woohoo Jammies!


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:10 PM
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Oddly, I think that I may never have heard any music by Blegvad at all

You should!!

Allow me to recommend the following songs and albums:

"War", from the Henry Cow/Slapp Happy collab In Praise of Learning
"Casablanca Moon" and "A Little Something" from Slapp Happy's Acnalbasac Noom
"Some Questions about Hats", "Strayed", "Bad Alchemy", and "Caucasian Lullaby" from the Slapp Happy/Henry Cow collab Desperate Straights
Kew. Rhone., the entire album, but especially any of the songs with numbers in the title ("Twenty-Two Proverbs", "Seven Scenes from the Painting 'Exhuming the First American Mastodon' by C. W. Peale", "Catalogue of Fifteen Objects & Their Titles", "Nine Mineral Emblems"—we exclude "Three Tenses Onanism" explicitly from this list)
"Incinerator", "Stink", "Mad Love Vanishes", and "Special Delivery" from Just Woke Up
"Dog" and "Marvellous in the Everyday" (yes, despite the title) from Hangman's Hill

If you have the Art Bears' Art Box, or the version of The World As It Is Today with bonus tracks, Blegvad is playing on the live tracks.

I have the Leviathan book but it seems to be much more a selection than a comprehensive collection, and since I really like it I want to see the ones I'm missing, dammit.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:22 PM
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So this syringe of valium that says "give rectally" should go to me, not her?

I might have related this anecdote here once before. If so, I beg your forebearance.

A former colleague was working for the Treuhandanstalt, the government agency that was charged with privatizing the industrial holdings of the former German Democratic Republic. So one day he is taking a representative of a potential investor, an American, to see some decrepit factory somewhere in the boondocks of eastern Germany. The investor gets a terrible headache, and asks the guy if he can find him some aspirin. Drugs, even aspirin, are only available in pharmacies. So they finally find an open pharmacy, and the German guy goes in to buy some aspirin. It turns out that the only form of aspirin they have available is a suppository. So the guy has to decide: does he tell the American that he has to stick the aspirin up his ass, or does he tell him he can't help him with his headache.

Thinking quickly, he returns to the vehicle, gives the American the suppository, and tells him, "Sorry, but they only had these ridiculous East German aspirin tablets. They taste a little strange, but they work. It has something to do with raw materials shortages, I think."

The American then ate the suppository, and they both had a good-natured chuckle about the idiotic communists who couldn't even produce a proper aspirin tablet.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:26 PM
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Heebs -- don't let people sucker you with all this "hardest job you'll ever love" mush. Focus on the part about it being hard. Two of my best friends have birthed babies in the past year and both have a near constant chorus of "No one told me it would be *this* hard." So it's my new mission to make sure all expectant parents understand that it is going to really, really suck at times. You will not melt and feel a warm glow every time you look into your little one's eyes. Sometime you will look into your little ones eyes and want to scream, "Quit crying! Just fucking stop crying already and go to sleep! I fed you, I changed your diaper, I cooed and cuddled and drove your around town int he damned car seat for 40 minutes. What the hell else could you possibly want from me?!!!"

Also, aside to Jammies based on lessons learned observing new parents, yes, you do have to get up in the middle of the night, too.

To Cala in 123: If the job hunting seems too hopeless, just have the baby -- it makes a very nice explanation for gaps on a resume.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:27 PM
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"Seven Scenes" and "Nine Mineral Emblems" are really virtuosic pieces of songwriting, and "War" contains one of my fav. couplets in a song evar ("They gut huts with gusto / Pillage villages with verve") plus it has a freaky-deaky cabaret interlude.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:28 PM
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If the job hunting seems too hopeless, just have the baby -- it makes a very nice explanation for gaps on a resume.

Don't even bother having a baby. You just have to make an awkward face, tell the job interviewer "I feel a little uncomfortable telling you this...", and then launch into a story about how you and your husband were trying to have a baby, and because of fertility problems you had to be on bedrest, and after several failed pregnancies you finally gave up.

Then you get the double benefit of explaining the gap in the resume AND making the employer think that you will never need maternity benefits.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:32 PM
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Quit crying! Just fucking stop crying already and go to sleep!

This is essentially the message of Wainwright's "Lullaby".

Do you like to sing? Because singing lullabies is one of the best things about having babies. This was my favorite.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:36 PM
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Nico Muhly says his parents sang him grim, murderous Childe ballads and the like when he was a young 'un, and he turned out a great success, so I suggest imitating their example.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:39 PM
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Yep, you do want to build up a list of soothing songs you like singing -- you don't want to sing something annoying because you're desperate, and have it turn into the only thing that soothes the kid. ("Inchworm, inchworm...")

Where's Brock, if we're trying to throw the fear of God into Heebie? Brock knows colic.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:39 PM
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Yay heebie and jammies!!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:41 PM
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I seem to have posted the lyrics to "Nine Mineral Emblems" here before.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:43 PM
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Many, many congratulations, Heebie.

Don't forget the myth of the terrible twos: three is even worse!

So fucking true.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:47 PM
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Two of my best friends have birthed babies in the past year and both have a near constant chorus of "No one told me it would be *this* hard."

One of my college girlfriends had a particularly difficult time adjusting to being a mom, which was made more difficult in part because she thought she was supposed to be blissfully happy all the time, and she had to learn not to beat herself up for not living up to a Perfect Mom fantasy. But she has a great line about having kids: "no need to rush; you can't undo it or take them back."


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:47 PM
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But she has a great line about having kids: "no need to rush; you can't undo it or take them back."

Logic is eternal, so it can wait.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:50 PM
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Brock knows colic.

Is *that* what was causing his rectal bleeding?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:52 PM
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During my son's first few years we were caretaking a hippie farm, etc., and didn't work much. Making as much time for the kid as you can really helps.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:52 PM
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Yep, you do want to build up a list of soothing songs you like singing -- you don't want to sing something annoying because you're desperate, and have it turn into the only thing that soothes the kid.

My first cried continuously for about five months. I mean, literally, she had no waking, non-crying state. She was asleep, or she was crying. I have never experienced such a rapid abandonment of all scientific method in favor of superstition ("Wait, the last time you were wearing a red bandana and I was standing facing north, and she went right to sleep; let's try that again!").

Anyway, I discovered serendipitously that the little one found "Long-Haired Country Boy" by Charlie Daniels Band to be soothing (or, at least, I think she did). Fleur was happy to let me hold the baby, but she never got used to me singing sweetly to our newborn, "The poor girl wants to marry / and the rich girl wants to flirt / Rich boy goes to college / and a poor boy goes to work / Drunkard wants another drink of wine / and a politician wants a vote / I don't want much of nothing at all / but I will take another toke".


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:55 PM
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Because singing lullabies is one of the best things about having babies

This was one of my favorite things, too. I have two that I made up for Rory that every now and then she'll feel sentimental enough to let me sing to her. Mostly, though, she's getting to that age that she realizes I am horribly embarrassing. She may have always known that -- but when she was a helpless infant she had no choice but to listen to me sing.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 12:57 PM
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Nico Muhly says his parents sang him grim, murderous Childe ballads

Yeah, we have this woman's CDs, which are ideal for little children because she sings in a high, clear voice and the songs have mostly simple intervals and harmonies (plus, they're full of folk classics). But it's a little disconcerting to go from lighthearted stuff like "Chickama Craney Crow" and "Frog Went a-Courtin'" to "Pretty Polly" and "The Wind and the Rain." That said, if you really want to feel how grim those songs can be, there's nothing more effective than hearing them with your vulnerable little infant cradled in your arms.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:01 PM
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160 raises a good point about using discretion in what music you expose the child to -- you never can predict which song the kid is going to insist you play on continuous loop for every car trip, but you can at least make sure to restrict the field they have to choose from. (And don't go kidding yourself that you're not going to let a toddler dictate what plays on contiuous loop in your car either. Do you like hysterical screaming on continuous loop? Do you?)

For Rory, it was the Veggie Tales theme song. No, I do not like to talk to tomatoes, okay? You'll know you've lost when the best deal you can even think to bargain for is "Can we please just skip ahead to Silly Songs with Larry?"


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:04 PM
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That said, if you really want to feel how grim those songs can be, there's nothing more effective than hearing them with your vulnerable little infant cradled in your arms.

UNG started reading Grimm's Fairy Tales to Rory when she was an infant. When the king slaughtered his 7 sons to save his beloved servant, we decided it was time to move on to Eric Carle. (Still never figured out the moral to that one -- better to suck up to your boss than to trust your dad?)


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:08 PM
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Allow me to recommend Alasdair Roberts' solo albums, in general; they fall into two types, those consisting of renditions of folk songs, and those consisting of originals composed using tropes from and in the manner of folk songs—Farewell Sorrow's "I Fell in Love", for instance, uses the familiar making-an-instrument-from-body-parts idea to new ends.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:08 PM
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(Still never figured out the moral to that one -- better to suck up to your boss than to trust your dad?)

Those who have the power to dispose over life and death are apt to use it, once had, capriciously and arbitrarily; be wary of anyone who argues for the necessity of such power.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:10 PM
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We're watching the Olympic hula hoop competition at the moment. The 3 1/2 yr. old grandnephew is enthralled. Does that mean he's gay?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:12 PM
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He's not listening to Obama and Biden? He may not be gay, but he sure seems apathetic.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:17 PM
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More congratulations for you, Heebie and Jammies!


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:19 PM
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UNG started reading Grimm's Fairy Tales to Rory when she was an infant.

I don't have any memory of being married to you, Di, but sometimes I get the feeling you're talking about me.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:19 PM
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I can't wait to share Struwwelpeter with my children.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:21 PM
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Does that mean he's gay?

No, he might just be Baptist. Only time will tell.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:24 PM
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170: People do have a remarkable capacity for blocking out their most painful memories...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:25 PM
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He's not listening to Obama and Biden? He may not be gay, but he sure seems apathetic.

Heh. A friend called this morning to tell me she got stood up for a blind date last night because the guy didn't want to miss the VP announcement.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:28 PM
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Stood up for Joe Biden? Now there's an ego deflater.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:30 PM
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Okay, he's gay.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:31 PM
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Added humor. She met a bunch of friends of this other guy she's been seeing the other night and they were all like, "Really? We all totally thought he was gay!"


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:34 PM
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Stood up for Joe Biden? Now there's an ego deflater.

Now, now, apo, I'm sure Governor Sebelius is taking it all in stride.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:44 PM
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Here is a recording with my mom and dad along with a friend singing a song that was a lullaby growing up.

One of the things that most makes me want to feel comfortable singing is the desire to sing songs that I remember from my childhood.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:46 PM
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Heebie! This is AWESOME! How could you announce news like this on a Saturday?!

OK, seriously, big congratulatory hug to you and Jammies.

And with regard to children and music -- my brother-in-law thankfully has excellent taste, so my toddler niece adores Motown, classic jazz, and the like. She also really likes Jack Johnson, who is at least tolerable. Best of all, the horrible kiddie music CD that she got for free: Hates it!


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:47 PM
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Congratumalations!


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:49 PM
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I wouldn't stand your friend up, Di. Call me.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:49 PM
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OK, Kai just blew out his diaper while AB & Iris were at the park with the dog. I'm telling you, H-G:

It's not too late to turn back.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:50 PM
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She does have a thing for Jewish guys, Ben. Let me know when you'll be in Chicago...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:53 PM
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For the price of the Iraq War, we could buy enough Cristal for all humans and higher animals to congratulate Heebie and Jammies with a toast, except for the pregnant ones, who could instead fly to the next Unfoggedcon and speak, whinny, or oink to heebie about how happy she's going to be.


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:54 PM
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OK, Kai just blew out his diaper

Impressive. I didn't trust little Barnabus with an afro pick until age 5.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 1:57 PM
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I am sad to say that filling Lake Superior with Remy Martin Louis XIII cognac would be significantly more expensive than the Iraq war, at least if you buy it 750ml bottle by 750ml bottle. (All that Baccarat adds up.)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:03 PM
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187: I did that calculation for Two-Buck Chuck. Turns out that even filling Lake Tahoe with that swill is more expensive.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:07 PM
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I am sad to say that filling Lake Superior with Remy Martin Louis XIII cognac would be significantly more expensive than the Iraq war

Have you run the math on grooming the ski slopes at Chamonix with uncut Peruvian cocaine? Because, frankly--and I'm speaking as a non-cokehead here--I think that would make a better party.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:07 PM
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But then everyone in the lift lines would be just jabbering on incessantly.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:09 PM
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187: Um ben, heebie and jammies don't live anywhere near Lake Superior.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:12 PM
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Chamonix

Aren't they the guys who make Rock Band?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:13 PM
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Yeah, filling natural bodies of water with anything interesting is pretty hard. I've basically given up on that.

Somebody did calculate that you could make a Washington Monument out of cocaine though. That inspired me to realize that you could give every invading coalition soldier their weight in platinum, gold, and pot. Then I replaced the pot with something more boring so that I could have a more fully pot-based future post... it's in the queue...


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:17 PM
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Wikipedia gives $40,000/kg as a high end price for putting a payload in orbit. What's photogenic and weighs 75,000 kg?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:29 PM
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If you shop for a slightly cheaper service, you could put the Statue of Liberty (200,000 lbs of copper, so ~100,000 k) in orbit.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:31 PM
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What's photogenic and weighs 75,000 kg?

Heebie, in the 39th week of gestation.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:32 PM
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How big would you have to make an American Flag foe it to weigh 75,000 kg.?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:41 PM
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194: The New England Patriots.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:45 PM
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I was thinking along exactly the same lines as LB & B ... "erm, this doesn't seem like a good reason ... what is everyone else saying?" And then I was totally confused. So, congratulations! (I hope I've got things straight now.)

My 'baby' (6 next month) lost her first tooth this week. I guess I can't get away with thinking I have little children any more. She is also really into Pascal's triangle (though she can't add up past 20, so she can only do the first few lines) and surprised me by being able to work out how many combinations can be made of 3 things out of 4. "What, the baby's capable of logical thought??? Surely not!" But it's great being able to get kids interested in stuff you like.

Congratulations again to you both.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:47 PM
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No, wait. That's not right. The AFC North, maybe.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:47 PM
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it's great being able to get kids interested in stuff you like

So true. Keegan's all about taking Percocet and watching the Playboy Channel.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:49 PM
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I was never fooled at least. Congratulations, Heebie.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:49 PM
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200: All the members of the Senate, the House of Representatives, the President, the Cabinet, and the Supreme Court. At 100 kg each, I think that still gives you a fair amount of payload to play with.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:53 PM
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203 et al: I think that idea is covered by the "Send everybody from South Ossetia into space" post.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:56 PM
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All the members of the Senate, the House of Representatives, the President, the Cabinet, and the Supreme Court.

So you're accepting a pretty loose definition of "photogenic", I take it?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 2:57 PM
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204: Blast. That also suggests either I or he have slipped a couple of orders of magnitude; probably me -- I've been doing this in my head.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:02 PM
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206: Well, I wasn't doing it with payload calculations. I just read about a space tourist who paid $25 million to go up and ran that for each person.


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:07 PM
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But I did drop a factor of 1,000. So that's 1000 Statues of Liberty.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:15 PM
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207: I'm sure the South Ossetians could get some kind of package deal and bring it down to something reasonable like $21,999,999.95 a person.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:16 PM
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The Statue of Liberty only weighs 750 kg?


Posted by: Fatman | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:16 PM
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209: Plus $15 per checked bag, of course.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:17 PM
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filling natural bodies of water with anything interesting is pretty hard. I've basically given up on that.

Maple syrup.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:22 PM
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209: Yeah, I'm generally assuming no additional bulk pricing or economies of scale on one end, and no market distortions due to illiquidity or supply constraints on the other.


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:24 PM
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returning from a lurk in Lapland to say Yay Heebie!


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:28 PM
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212: A bit too expensive at $21.50/gallon. It'd be sweet, though. (ducks)


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:31 PM
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I don't know how many bodies of water you want to fill up, but maybe you could go with 'all the swimming pools in Orange County' or 'all the water around Three Mile Island.'


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:33 PM
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3: I said "Shit! She seemed to have her head screwed on straight!" before I was told it was a joke. There was no way I was going to read the comments about the situation as presented, my blood pressure wouldn't like them.

Congratulations and condolences.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:38 PM
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Oh, and I just read your stuff about not enjoying your loved ones going hear the edge at the Grand Canyon. Yeah, that gets a LOT worse with children. Niagara Falls for 2 days with a 21 month old stands out in my memory. She could barely breathe in the end from the tightened and retightened pushchair straps.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:44 PM
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As long as we're doing math....

Pop Quiz: China supplied the Olympic Village with 100,000 condoms. There are 16,500 athletes living in the Olympic Village. The Beijing Olympics are 17 days long. Assume for simplicity's sake that there are two Olympians involved in each condom use and that an average of 1.5 condoms are used per sexual encounter.
Q: If you are an athlete competing in the 2008 Olympics, approximately how frequently did the Chinese government think that you would get laid?

Answer.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:51 PM
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207 - I work with the guy whose job it used to be to chaperone the tourists going to the ISS. He has some interesting stories.

217 - I ventured into the comments praying it was a joke. Good thing it was, cause I was beginning to really stress out about how to politely say "Hoover your cooter and DTMFA, dumbass!"


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:52 PM
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Heebie: I have Secrets of Parenthood to divulge to you: Never never never let anyone give you/let the upcoming heebie-jammie listen to It's a Small World. For reasons unfathomable, anything under five loves it and insists on listening to it over and over and over... And seek out Japanese anime, or you'll end up with mawkish cartoons that will exhort your offsprung to love Barney or his successor. Over and over and over...



Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 3:57 PM
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187: Um ben, heebie and jammies don't live anywhere near Lake Superior.

We could send them really long straws.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:05 PM
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For the price of the Iraq war, we could give every organism on the planet 78,298 plastic straws!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:08 PM
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219: the answer makes a simplifying assumption ("zero safety stocks) that is generally erroneous when applied to real life supply chain situations. To-wit: assume for simplicity's sake that the actual number of sexual encounters per athlete is normally distributed around the a mean μ with a standard deviation of σ. Further assume that athletes are strongly disinclined to miss out on a sexual encounter due to lack of condom availability, and that the cost of maintaining an inventory of condoms is zero. Finally, let us suppose that all athletes estimate their own probability of a sexual encounter to be at least as high as the mean, and that there is no possibility of just-in-time redistribution of condoms as the need arises.

Under these not unrealistic assumptions, the mean athlete is likely to stockpile condoms well in excess of his or her actual needs. If we assume that athletes will tolerate at most a 5% chance of having a sexual encounter for which they are not prepared with a condom, the total number of condoms required will be μ plus 2σ times (1.5/2) per athlete, unless I am making a calculation error.

This is a steady state calculation that ignores the possibility of hoarding, which in fact is quite likely when the aggregate supply of condoms is 20,000 below demand. OTOH, it also ignores any Bayesean effects as the Games progress and athletes acquire more information about their actual likelihood of getting laid, leading to a compression of safety stocks.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:12 PM
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I'll bet we could buy each athlete a hella lot of condoms for the price of the Iraq War. Not to mention a lot of hours worth of high-end hipster prostitutes.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:15 PM
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Is Di still around? Does 224 make 170 seem a little spooky?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:34 PM
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I used to sing 'I'm an Old Cowhand from the Rio Grande' to my daughter. I don't think her preference for Animal Collective derives from this.

221 -- I refused to allow a VCR in our house, for exactly this reason: I have no idea how many times I'd have watched The Little Mermaid, but it would have been way too many. In the late 80s/early 90s we were freaks, but we could get away with it. Nowadays, you'd have to not have a computer, so it's impossible.

We did allow cassettes, after a time, so I can sing 'wir sind die kinder, die kinder von Suederhof' if anyone is interested.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:42 PM
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Where else would I be, Knecht? At first glance, I thought 224 was too filled with mathematical/economic concepts for me to bother even attempting to give a shit about what it said.

But then... Wait a minute! UNG'S degree is in economics and it was often difficult to attempt to give a shit about anything he said... Suddenly 170 did start to seem a little spooky. Maybe Knecht really is UNG after all!

Then I remembered some important details. Like, when UNG talked about economics, it was generally quite clear, even to someone who doesn't know shit, that he was full of shit. 224 is a convincing bluff, at the very least. Also, to date I don't recall you being a self-aggrandizing schmuck, so there's that.

Unless I misunderstood and 224 is calculating the probability that we had an athletic sexual encounter that we do not have any memory of. In which case we are back to spooky.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:49 PM
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When athletes have sex, is it, by definition, an athletic sexual encounter?


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:53 PM
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229: And if rhythmic gymnasts have sex, are they practicing the rhythm method?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 4:56 PM
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225: Hipster prostitutes? With fashionable contrarian sexual opinions and boasts of having been fucked by everybody before they sold out?


Posted by: Neil the Ethical Werewolf | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 5:04 PM
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When olympic athletes have sex with both male and female counterparts, does that make them biathletes?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 5:05 PM
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232: If so, I'll pass on watching the decathlon, thanks.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 5:18 PM
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Suddenly, being the world's fastest man doesn't seem like such a selling point.


Posted by: Usain Bolt | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 5:24 PM
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Congratulations, Heebie! All the best to Jammies and your spawn.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 5:32 PM
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Congrats, Heebie and Jammies. Having kids has been for me an overall awesome experience, in spite of the sucky parts, and I hope the same for you.

We had a singularly awesome CNM named Mary Barnett who was involved in the births of all 3 of our children. It is not for the faint of heart, however, to have a home birth, which is probably the only option with a midwife here in Texas, currently. There was an OB practice that had a team of midwives who could attend in the local hospitals, but something changed (insurance, iirc) between the births of our second and third children. Staying with Mary meant a home birth, and we did it, and it was cool, but we didn't have the confidence to do it the first time.

Our friends just had their second child 8 days ago, and they used Dr. Lisa Schneider from Hill Country OBGYN and had a good experience.

The next Austin meetup, whether it is before or after the event, should be fun.


Posted by: Pantene | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 6:31 PM
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I figure that we should probably wait until I have a job.

I realize that you don't need or want advice, but even so, I'm going to give it: having a baby while your time is still quite flexible is probably a lot easier and less stressful than having a baby once you're on a tenure clock somewhere. Plus, if you have a kid while you're interviewing and it comes out, then the places that are hostile to people-with-kids might reveal themselves.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 6:44 PM
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Heebie, they're lying to you! The only way you get to stop being a parent is if you convince someone else that being a parent is a good idea! They're just trying to get you to take their place!


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:11 PM
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I just saw this:

Where's JRoth been? He can tell you.

Which makes my 183 funnier.

But anyway, Kai's first 3 days made me question whether I could survive a newborn again - Iris was really rough (for me mostly) the first month, but then it became tolerable. Kai, bless his heart, has been a manageable sleeper since Day Four, although I've never felt so tired after spending 8 hours mostly in bed - even when he's already in bed for the nursing, it still disrupts my sleep enough that I don't get rest (and I'm a low sleep-needer).

Anyhoo - kids, great, have some.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:29 PM
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237: Good advice, generally, perhaps, but I'm on the market this fall and I've heard that babies take more than two months to assemble. The problem with getting pregnant now would be the gap between when my student health insurance ends and the theoretical new job kicks in.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:45 PM
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Congratulations Heebie! Excellent work. And to think, you were toilet training your cats because you didn't want to clean up their shit. Hah.

I hope you never really enjoyed sleeping anyway. Or going out. Or having free time.

Here's some parenting advice for you.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:47 PM
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Ooh, parenting stories: I enjoyed this week-by-week take on it.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:49 PM
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I'm on the market this fall

Good luck!

Unless you're competing with Stanford grads.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:52 PM
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240: Ah yes, gotcha.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 7:59 PM
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240: You can mail-order them from China now. Much quicker than two months.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:04 PM
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And, and I just read your most recent post and Jesus Christ do you need a new OB. Make that priority #1.

And I don't know your insurance situation, but my wife had a MUCH better experience the second time with a midwife practice (affiliated with a hospital) than she did the first time with a traditional OB. MUCH.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:09 PM
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On the Olympic condoms, once every other day is a vast underestimate, especially considering that a lot of athletes get eliminated early and (poor things) have nothing else to do.

I strongly suspect that Chinese coaches recommend sexual abstinence or at least temperance as a training method, and that the estimate was arrived at by taking the estimated Chinese baseline and then multiplying by a licentious-foreigners adapter which was too small.

I'm also wondering what will happen to Chinese coaching practice if the Chinese athletes find out that some of the gold medalists follow the Mutumbo regimen.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:09 PM
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242 is awesome.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:11 PM
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Also, didn't someone link to LB's report on the problems ensuing when a man puts Magic Shell chocolate on his important part, since it shrinks painfully when it hardens? It seems to me that you could solve that problem by applying liquid marshmallow first, since the shrinking chocolate would just compress the marshmallow.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:16 PM
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249: There's only one way to be sure. Try it and report back to us, but please don't upload the pictures to the flickr pool.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:45 PM
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249: If you're going to go that route, surely you can integrate graham cracker in there somewhere...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 8:52 PM
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Probably yes, Di, but they they aren't especially compressible.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:01 PM
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Graham cracker "flour" around the marshmallow, before the chocolate.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 9:24 PM
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Yay Heebie! Congratulations to all of you.!


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 10:13 PM
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you had me going for a while there, heebster. congratulations!!!


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 08-23-08 11:24 PM
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1-2.

Woo!


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:19 AM
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Congratulations!


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 3:49 AM
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Yay, heebie !


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:22 AM
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The Chinese beat us in women's windsurfing. We can't even win in our indigenous stoner sports. America is doomed.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:51 AM
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i didn't follow Olympics very closely just wondered like why the professionals participated
recalled that reading about Kobe Bryant, Federer
i thought it was for like amateur sports, no?
and from what i read the USA has the highest medal count, so why JE is upset?
We had 2 golds, 2 silvers to my knowledge, wonderful!


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 7:46 AM
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Congratulations about the pregnancy, heebie. I'm sorry about the fake fighting.

Emerson isn't really upset, read. He's just pretending.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 7:51 AM
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China actually has more gold medals, which used to be what determined the winner. But the US has more total medals, so that's what we're counting this year.

And congrats to Mongolia at one of their national sports.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 7:56 AM
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the Olympics
i'm back and a bit jetlagged
waited long in Beijing, our plane got delayed, they needed to do some repair of the aircon system, inside the plane was hot and stuffy for some time, but people were not suffering from claustrophobia, except one guy before me who bought two seats in the economy class and wouldn't allow anyone to seat on the vacant seat or exchange the seats with a woman with a 2 mo baby on her hands, i thought maybe the vacant seat meant something to him, like maybe it was in memory of someone, otherwise just a selfish person and kinda meaningless purchase, just buy the seat in the business class or what, instead of being annoying
almost missed the plane from Dulles to EWR
so my vacation was so great, time with family, friends
everybody told me to come back and have a baby coz i don't need any husband, a very clear like logically advice :)
congratulations Heebie-geebie!, babies are always a great solution for almost everything


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 7:57 AM
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Congratulations, heebie!


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 9:00 AM
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Another vote for yay,midwives, although I wouldn't have had the guts to do a homebirth. But that's an irrational reaction, if you look at the stats attended homebirths have statistically slightly better outcomes (IIRC) than hospital births.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 9:52 AM
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In Oregon midwives and hospitals work completely cooperatively. My sister in law really wanted a home delivery and it turned out to be medically not right, so she had a C section. Best of both worlds.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 9:55 AM
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263: babies are always a great solution for almost everything

They're the universal solve-it.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 1:06 PM
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265: Does this account for the fact that most complicated pregnancies are going to end up in the hospital and that women choosing homebirths are more likely to be ultra attentive on the natal health front? (I know nothing about this subject, so this is an honest question.)


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 1:17 PM
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268: I think that's a huge part of it.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 1:25 PM
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--


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 1:51 PM
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268 - Actually, I don't think women planning homebirths are going to have ultra attentive antenatal care - most women planning homebirths are doing it to reduce medicalisation of their pregnancies, not increase it.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:01 PM
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Congratulations Heebie!
That is fantastic news!!!!!!!! It took me a little while into the thread to realize you were joking about the fighting (thank God!) and not the baby!
Children are incredible- in 360 degrees.
I have not slept for six years, but that is because I have two 22 months apart.
Great, great, news.


Posted by: Fleur | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:08 PM
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271: But surely they've done some work to determine whether they're likely to need emergency medical attention, even if it's the midwife that's done the evaluation, right?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:15 PM
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271: I meant, like, eating green leafy vegetables and not smoking.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:17 PM
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Aren't emergencies, by their nature, kind of unpredictable?


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:20 PM
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274 - I'm not sure all it takes to have a nice easy safe birth is green leafy vegetables, and not smoking.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:22 PM
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276: It is if you're having a cabbage patch kid.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:24 PM
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Well, sure. But I was making I thought a sort of simple point that folks selecting midwife-led homebirths are likely to be more health conscious than the go-with-the-flow hospital crowd.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:33 PM
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276: I think the idea is that the set of women who opt for home birth includes a greater concentration of women who are attentive to their health than the set who opt for the default hospital birth. IME (in the People's Republic of Portland), women who hire midwives are more likely to be middle- to upper-middle-class and healthy to begin with. Also, as John noted above, here you can jump from the "alternative" track of home birth to the hospital track pretty easily.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:33 PM
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Damn you and your concision, oud.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 2:34 PM
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There are many, many more health conscious women who choose the "go with the flow" hospital route than choose at home births. Just look at the numbers. As cited above, you can use a mid-wife in the hospital in many cities. I don't think that you can generalize if someone is educated or health conscious by where they choose to birth their children. There are many uneducated hippies (and trustafarians) who have babies in bathtubs under the full moon in their back yards- (yes, I know some).


Posted by: Fleur | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:01 PM
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275: Well, if you're the type who likes pretend you're a stunt car driver when you get really drunk, you yourself are unlikely to predict an emergency, but other probably will.

In my hospital job I worked at times in an OB ward which had a smoking room where the new mothers gathered. There were other facots like psycho boyfriends, and emergencies were not only predictable but routine.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:02 PM
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Yeah, more power to anybody else's birth plans, but if it were me having a kid, there's no way in hell I wouldn't be in a hospital. Noah almost certainly wouldn't have survived a home birth.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:06 PM
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I had the best of both worlds: a nurse-midwife at a birthing centre that was affiliated with a hospital. However, had my only two options been homebirth or hospital birth (and for most American women, these are the only two options: birthing centres staffed by nurse-midwives are actually few and far between), no question I would have chosen hospital, even though, like LB, I realize this is not borne out by the statistics on outcomes.


Posted by: Mary Catherine | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 6:27 PM
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I was ultra attentive on the natal health front with all 5 pregnancies. My fourth one was my first full term successful one, so I was already very used to the hospital, and in fact found it to be very helpful in my situation. That combined with being all about pain management and never once thinking it would be a good idea for *me* not to have an Epidural, the hospital was my only choice.
Which turned out to be good luck, as my daughter's head was larger than my pelvis, and with out a very timely emergency C-section, she would have died. However, my sister-in-law had two of her three children at home in her bed (I always wanted to ask: "Who did the laundry?") without incident and was very, very happy she did so.
It was very comforting for her to be in her own home.


Posted by: Fleur | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 7:09 PM
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Yeah, to be clear, my wife had two Very Bad Pregnancies, and there's not a respectable midwife in the country that would have attended a home birth with her. She had to be in the hospital. It's just that the second time, she chose a midwife center attached to a hospital. A Dr. happened to be there for the delivery, but that was actually something of a fluke--the dr. just had some time on her hands. The midwife was there too, and the drs are generally only called in if there's a problem. I thought this was all clear in my earlier comment, but apparently not.


Posted by: Brick Landers | Link to this comment | 08-24-08 8:14 PM
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Oh well, if we're talking anecdata ... had one hospital birth - went swimmingly, hated being there afterwards - two home births which went very well, then the last one ended up being an unattended home birth, which was absolutely bloody brilliant. No pain relief in any of them - not because I'm some sort of crazy martyr, just didn't need it. (Actually, I tried gas and air for about 10 minutes during no.2, but didn't like it.) I've said here before, if I found myself, god forbid, pregnant again, it would be another home birth.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 6:36 AM
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Oh and Fleur - sorry about your first three pregnancies. Too many friends of mine have lost too many babies, and it's completely crap.

As for the laundry - I think we used some old stuff and just chucked it away, and then whoever was around threw the rest in the washing machine. Had some plastic sheets, last time I had a pack of those Pampers 'care mats' or whatever they're called. It really wasn't a big deal when it came down to it.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 6:45 AM
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268: I should look up the stats rather than opining about them off the top of my head, but I think the better results for attended homebirth shows up even after matching prior medical history -- that is, if you look at only women with low-risk pregnancies who a licensed midwife would have been willing to attend as a home birth, the outcomes are (very slightly) better for homebirths than hospital births.

And I did the midwife practice affiliated with a hospital thing as well. God knows why that isn't a more widely available option -- it's such a good idea.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 6:57 AM
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We're a huge fan of our nurse-midwife. We'd originally planned to try to deliver in the alternative birthing center at the local hospital, but that tricksy extra fetus kind of nixed those plans. Now we're seeing a midwife and OB in concert, and we're lucky that these two are used to working together and are both committed to a birth that is as non-medicalized as possible. (Non-medicalized as possible for twins is, of course, considerably more medicalized than a non-medicalized singleton pregnancy.)


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 7:22 AM
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Oh, thank the gods. I've been afraid to open this comment thread for two days in fear it was for real. Fucking A.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 7:31 AM
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I had a friend who almost had an unattended taxi birth of twins. The two of them were born within less than an hour of reaching the hospital. No problems or complications.

For anecdata purposes, it's a darn shame that the taxi made it to the hospital.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 7:35 AM
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Wow.

291 gets it exactly right.

Heebie is teh ur-lol!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 7:49 AM
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(Non-medicalized as possible for twins is, of course, considerably more medicalized than a non-medicalized singleton pregnancy.)

We went from being committed to as non-medicalized a birth as possible to—after two sleepless nights in the hospital with the OB trying unsuccessfully to induce labor—giving the command to storm the womb. It happens.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 7:53 AM
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292: And the doctor's name was Max Miracle, though he didn't actually have to do much of anything. Quote: "Wait, there's another one in there!"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:02 AM
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292: with my most recent, my wife woke me up at 3:00 am, concerned that she might be going into labor. We called a sitter for our older son, waited for her to arrive, and left for the hospital around 3:40. We arrived at the hospital around 4:10; she was clearly starting labor during the car ride, but it wasn't yet terrible. We were checked into the hospital and in our room by about 4:20. The baby was born without complications at 5:03 am.

Not twins though, so maybe it's different.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:12 AM
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292: My Lamaze class instructor claimed that the statistically best-outcomes birthing location was a car. Not that there's anything special about cars, but if things are moving too fast to get to a hospital, that's very strongly correlated with everything being just fine.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:23 AM
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296 postscript: my wife informs me that the car ride was indeed terrible. It didn't seem so bad to me.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:26 AM
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298: Heh.

Buck was timing contractions while we were in the taxi, and lying to me about how far apart they were. "Yeah, it's about five minutes inbetween," when it was actually about two. He was not happy about this.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:28 AM
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With Noah, Roberta started labor around 10 or 11 pm and we went ahead to the hospital. By 7 am, she was only dilated 2 or 3 cm. What we didn't know was that the doctors had been vigilantly watching the fetal heart monitor because of some sort of weirdness. About 7 am, the doctor came in and said they needed to get the baby out right then and there because his heart rate had been crashing with each contraction, now had begun doing it between contractions, and he wouldn't survive an actual delivery (or probably even get that far). It's amazing how quickly they can get somebody into an OR and cut open.

Turned out a kink or a leak or something had developed in the umbilical cord, so he hadn't been getting any nutrition for some undetermined period of time and was quite weakened from starvation. You could see where his body had eaten the layer of fat under the skin to stay alive, and he weighed less than five pounds when we took him home from the hospital.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:29 AM
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My son was born with a knot in the umbilical cord, but it didn't pull tight.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:30 AM
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Well, 300 should do the trick. Good luck at Will's dad's clinic, heebie!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:34 AM
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giving the command to storm the womb

I'm so borrowing this phrase, should the need arise.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:37 AM
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I don't know if this was already mentioned but my one word advice is "epidural."

Get one. My wife has gone without and then with and she personally highly, very highly, endorses the epidural. I've had one, too, for knee surgery and I liked it so much better than a general. Not that most women in labor get a general anymore.

Still, epidurals sound much worse than they are and really work great. For my wife they totally blocked about 98% of the pain and yet left just enough feeling so that her contractions were excellent.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:43 AM
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Also, I am so glad I'm gay. So glad. Gods but I am glad.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:45 AM
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305: Yes, butt.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:47 AM
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304: for a counterpoint (because this thread really is pure anecdata at this point), my wife went with and then without, and much preferred without (primarily because it preserved her mobility to a much greater extent).


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:49 AM
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307: Yeah. I'm not a data point, because I've only gone without, but my anecdotal impression from friends is that women who had epidurals come out saying things like "Thank god for the epidural, there's no way I could have managed anything worse than that," and women who didn't came out saying "Wow, that was impressively painful, but nothing I couldn't handle or that I'd hesitate to do again."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:52 AM
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306: I had my butt reinforced for safety. Modern medical advances negate my mother's anachronistic concerns.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:53 AM
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McManlyPants' butt is OSHA-certified. Safety goggles, steel-toed boots, and a protective helmet are required at all times.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:56 AM
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Is this the place to tell birthing horror stories?

With our second child, my ex was bed-ridden in the hospital from Dec 2 until dec 31 due to a slow leak. She was a trooper and had a fabulous attitude.

Even with that, our son was born about a month premature.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 8:58 AM
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my wife went with and then without, and much preferred without (primarily because it preserved her mobility to a much greater extent).

How long ago was this? Because 17 years ago, we heard horrible stories about epidurals from women who had them in the three or four years prior to that. But, by the time we had our first, the epidurals had improved very much.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:00 AM
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305, 306: No bees and flowers at all? Just the butt warning?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:01 AM
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The first child of one of my friends crowned on the way to the hospital, and my friend says trying to keep the baby from being born in the car was the most painful part.

My objine, who I only need for the ob part now, is a nurse-midwife and really wonderful. Birthing center attached to the hospital makes the most sense to me; we perhaps went to far in medicalizing something that mostly takes care of itself, but on the other hand, 'mostly' isn't 'all' and surgery is hard to do at home.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:02 AM
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312: with in 2006, without in 2008.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:02 AM
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It's amazing how quickly they can get somebody into an OR and cut open

You're not kidding. We were parents 20-30 minutes after signing the authorization.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:02 AM
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My objine, who I only need for the ob part now,

Is this an announcement, or did I miss one?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:03 AM
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Most hospitals have those fabulous birthing rooms that are basically a high tech living room. Half the family and several friends hang out watching tv, interrupted by the occassional groan.

Heebie, can BR and I be in the room with you??


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:04 AM
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Half the family and several friends hang out watching tv

Sweet! Do they have porn channels? 'Cuz that'd be fucking confusing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:05 AM
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my friend says trying to keep the baby from being born in the car was the most painful part.

You betcha. Sally came fast; no painful contractions until 5pm, and ready to push by 6:30 or so. And then they figured out that she was breech, and there was a truly lousy hour during which they were telling me not to push while they figured out whether they were going to let me go ahead vaginally, or do the emergency C. Not pushing when you're ready sucks hard.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:06 AM
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317 gets it exactly right. What?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:08 AM
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I only need for the ob part now

Cala had her vagina removed!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:09 AM
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I argue for Cala transposing terms. Either that or she and shivbunny have been fighting a lot and need to do something about it.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:10 AM
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we perhaps went to far in medicalizing something that mostly takes care of itself, but on the other hand, 'mostly' isn't 'all' and surgery is hard to do at home.

Someone I know was quite keen on a home birth for her 3rd baby, but, as a nurse, she knew there was a slight risk. So, she went to the hospital.

Lucky for her. The birth went well: superquick labour with no pain, but immediately after she haemorrhaged really badly and lost a huge amount of blood. If she hadn't been in a hospital, she'd have died. As a nurse, she was able to read her own chart, the morning after. Apparently her blood pleasure went lower than any she'd ever seen where the person survived.

She was still home from hospital the day after giving birth.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:19 AM
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Ugh, not an announcement, just commenting pre-coffee. Just the jine part.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:40 AM
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Re: Epidural

Our experiences were 22 years ago and later, but I think the fact that it was the Mayo Clinic (second in the nation - curse you Johns Hopkins!) meant they were pretty advanced in their technique.

The biggest problem my wife had was they had trouble getting between the vertebrae so the first epidural never got going. For the other three I'd tell the Doc about what happened during the first and they got the epidural in real soon, calling in the experts if they needed to.

My wife says the IV painkillers they gave her the first time didn't do crap but I do know that it quieted her screams so while she still fully experienced the pain the rest of us could happily ignore it. Yeah, that is sarcastic.

Anyway they tweaked the epidurals just right and my wife swears by them.

For my knee surgery I was numb for a couple hours but I was back on my feet after that and out the door the same day so I loved the epidural.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 9:41 AM
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310: Love means never having to say "severe ass trauma."

313: I got some hemming and hawing of the "I know they talked to you in health class this year and... well, the thing is... well, you see... see, what I'm trying to say is," and so on, and then the butt warning out of nowhere.

319 wins everything.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 10:59 AM
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318: Half the family and several friends hang out watching tv

Having a TV in the delivery room caused some friction when I became too absorbed in a Pitt basketball game in the Big East tournament during the birth of our third child.

No such problem with the 2nd, who almost was a car delivery. And the timing was very convenient for the Ob/Gyn who basically got paged into Magee during his commute from his downtown office to his home in Squirrel Hill (it is almost on the way). He came in, changed and turned around to basically catch the baby coming out. Probably got home no more than 15 minutes late.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:15 AM
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328: Thank god none of my children were born during the ACC tournament.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:17 AM
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328.1: I may have mentioned before that a friend of mine solved the sports vs. childbirth problem by going to a fight with his dad while his only son was being born. He turned out not to be much of a father, unsurprisingly.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:19 AM
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Each of apo's children were born exactly 9 months after a UNC win in post-season play.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:24 AM
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Thank god none of my children were born during the ACC tournament.

My daughter was born during the ACC tournament. It was perfect. We sat there and watched basketball all night long. Even better, for my daughter's birthday, we get to watch the tournament!


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:27 AM
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Mine are both nine months after Halloween. I'm not exactly sure what this says about my marriage.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:27 AM
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That's why I had my both children in late July. A sports dead-time.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:29 AM
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333: probably says less about your marriage than about your taste in Halloween costumes.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:29 AM
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We got really lucky here - I'm due a week or so before the school year ends.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:30 AM
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I'm not exactly sure what this says about my marriage.

Candy makes Buck horny.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:35 AM
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I'm due a week or so before the school year ends.

Not being full-term in the midst of a Texas summer is a good thing indeed.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:36 AM
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Aww - I didn't know this had switched to birth stories. Briefly: AB transitioned in the car, but by the time we were in the car I was anxious about getting to the hospital, so I had to drive aggressively (ie, normally for me), which made things even harder. As it was, our doctor missed the birth, so je ne regrete rien.

Our doctor always said AB was an excellent candidate for home birth, and I kind of wish we had done one, simply because then our doctor would have been there - her office is 1 block from our house. Due to incompetence at Magee Women's Hospital, our dr. wasn't called until we'd been in the hospital for ~20 minutes (when the first words out of my mouth to every person we encountered were, "you need to call our doctor"). Hence the missed birth.

Once it was time to push, Kai came out in ~8 pushes. His head was even normally shaped, so swiftly did it pass through the birth canal.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 11:58 AM
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My doc didn't make it in time for the birth either. But that's okay, because in his place I got the delightful resident who chastised me for yelling too much during labor.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:33 PM
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chastised me for yelling too much during labor

Well, that is unladylike, Di.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:38 PM
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Probably a Scientologist or Christian Scientist.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:40 PM
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I got the delightful resident who chastised me for yelling too much during labor.

ACC tournament was on during Rory's birth too?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:41 PM
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the delightful resident who chastised me for yelling too much during labor.

Was this resident a man or a woman? You totally should have yelled at him after labor was over and told him that he was being a prick.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:54 PM
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told him that he was being a prick

Also unladylike. Tsk.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:57 PM
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I saw some scientologists in the park on Saturday. They were offering to do stress tests--with electronic gizmos and everything. At first I thought that they might be nice health workers doing blood pressure screenings, until I saw the copies of Dianetics.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 12:57 PM
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346: It's called auditing, you ignoramus.


Posted by: Isaac Hayes | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:01 PM
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Where do scientologists go when they die?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:05 PM
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The cemetery.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:06 PM
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I know it's called auditing, but they didn't display that on the sign. I was running late or I might have engaged them in conversation.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:08 PM
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Unfogged.


Posted by: Isaac Hayes | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:09 PM
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They don't go to heaven where the angels fly.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:10 PM
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I got the delightful resident who chastised me for yelling too much during labor.

For Smaller Child, we got a nurse who was familiar with the (horrible, new age-y) birthing classes we had gone to, and tried hectoring Molly to "focus" more. She gave back one of the loudest FUCK YOUs I've heard from her.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:11 PM
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BG, your e-gram is coming over the intertubes loud and clear, and they tell us that are being seriously impacted by malign engrams in a way that demands immediate intervention. How much money do you have?


Posted by: Isaac Hayes | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:12 PM
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Isaac! Quick, everyone, masturbate!


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:26 PM
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We were all already masturbating furiously, Wrongshore. The only difference is that now we can turn or thoughts to Isaac Hayes.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:29 PM
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You totally should have yelled at him punched him in the nuts after labor was over and told him that he that he was being a prick shouldn't whimper so loud.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:36 PM
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See, 357 is *totally* ladylike. Everybody listen to Cala.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:50 PM
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Even if she's had her vagina removed, which is indeed the very height of unladylikeli...hood...ed...ness.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 1:51 PM
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357 is, besides totally ladylike, completely sexist. The resident-from-hell was a woman...


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 4:25 PM
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As I read the post, I felt how frustrating it must be for jammies to argue with She Who is Always Right. Then I read the happy news. Best Wishes to all. Don't worry, Heebie, I'm sure your ass will return to its former glory after the inevitable changes during pregnancy.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 08-25-08 6:08 PM
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Congratulations! Babies are the best thing ever...always.

Highly educated urbanites are very scared of their babies when the babies draw near but they are all very happy when the babies finally arrive. Just remember that babies are the greatest, as are children. Everyone thinks this after they have the babies but occasionally have difficulty envisioning it ahead fo time.


Posted by: ozma | Link to this comment | 08-26-08 11:01 PM
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360: so you kick her in the ovaries.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-26-08 11:02 PM
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Well played, Heebie-Geebie. And congrats to you both!


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:23 AM
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Just remember that babies are the greatest, as are children. Everyone thinks this after they have the babies

Shame this isn't true.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:24 AM
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Seriously. Kids are the greatest. Babies cry a lot. And don't do much else.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:34 AM
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366: Well, there is all the shitting, Brock.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:49 AM
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366: How's Brocklet II: The Revenge, been treating you? From the lack of plaintive posts, I'm hoping your second was less colicky than your first?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:53 AM
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363: I did get my revenge, and in a manner that played well with the "less yelling, more pushing" line. "How'd you like that pushing, huh?" I will leave the details to your imagination, but note that my uterus kicks some ass.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:57 AM
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Yeah, but babies stay right where you put them until you come back for them. They are a lot more trouble once they're mobile.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:57 AM
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370: with decent tape you can make that work until their 20, apo.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 10:58 AM
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368: Materially better than #1, but still a good deal shittier than most babies, from what I gather. And I don't mean "shitty" literally, either. And I resent your use of the past tense.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 11:09 AM
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Well, better than #1 is something, at least. And now you know firsthand that it doesn't last forever.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 11:12 AM
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still a good deal shittier than most babies

Get that baby on performance-enhancing drugs, stat!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-27-08 11:12 AM
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very thanks for article!


Posted by: magic | Link to this comment | 08-29-09 5:06 AM
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