Re: Let me get my hands / On your mammony glands

1

Yeah, everyone's saying it's in rank ignorance of the Golden Calf, but aren't they praying for the "passing" of both the bear and the bull markets in favor of something more godly?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:20 PM
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Except they seem to be fondling the thing.

max
['But they lack the 50's Bible movie-style blasphemous dancing!']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:26 PM
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I don't know, laying on of hands?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:27 PM
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Yeah, but then they're trying to heal the idol. Or draw power from it. (!) Really, I can't imagine deciding to pray to God to heal the economy, following that up with some fondling of the Merrill-Lynch bull, and not be thinking 'Whoa. Save me, Mammon, you're my only hope.'

max
['And yes, Ben, you have the best title.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:33 PM
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Later, the crazy prosperity gospel people wept and wailed because of the misery that has come upon us, then fattened themselves for the day of slaughter. Then they went home and watched Kirk Cameron fondle a banana.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:46 PM
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This reminds me of an unsuccessful dinner party I had recently. I gave my guests lots of red wine and unleavened bread, and for dessert I let them eat a huge, gold foil wrapped chocolate cow. Total disaster; it's true what they say: you cannot serve both God and Mammon.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:47 PM
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1: Yes, that's right, they're praying for the advent of the "lion market." But the laying of hands on the statue is still bizarre, and the whole resemblance to the "golden calf" thing should have given them pause regardless. The smite-happy Old Testament deity would probably not have cared to understand the fine distinction they're making.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:59 PM
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6: heh.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 7:59 PM
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9

An apocalypse would be a heckuva lot easier.


Posted by: Michael Drake | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:02 PM
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I just have a hard time imagining they're not aware of the symbolism, even if it came off wrong. The Golden Calf, unlike the Good Samaritan, is pretty hard to misinterpret.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:22 PM
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11

I hadn't seen everyone and their siblings (note garbled, strained politically correct grammar) linking to this, but really, this sort of thing isn't new, is it?

Weren't there a bunch of prosperity theology types, from Texas, I think, visiting Jerusalem, wearing oversized ten-gallon hats and American tourist outfits, celebrating the Holy Land in the streets? I believe this an annual thing. They're just all ... confused.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:34 PM
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12

I hadn't seen everyone and their siblings (note garbled, strained politically correct grammar) linking to this, but really, this sort of thing isn't new, is it?

The part where there's an actual golden calf involves is not always a feature, however.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:36 PM
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13

Next they'll set up banks inside the churches so people can change their money.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:38 PM
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14

I thought the Starbucks inside the church was pretty much over that line already. Wasn't Christ pissed about the sale of sacrificial animals inside the temple? What about sacrificial lattes?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:39 PM
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10: Yes, I assumed this was something along the lines of Billionaires for Bush, but I guess not. Seems to have been the idea of prophetess Cindy Jacobs; take a look at this video to hear about another of her projects (I-35 liver-nears like heebie need to get with the program).

And I learned a useful new concept, PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens).


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:44 PM
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12: Yeah, I guess so, but a really short step, cognitively, for them. Maybe it helps the rest of us to see it represented.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:45 PM
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17

the Starbucks inside the church

For really and honest? You'd think there'd be an uproar.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:51 PM
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18

Here. I guess it's off-brand, but money is exchanged for coffee there.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:53 PM
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19

Drive the baristas out using a coil of rope for a scourge.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 8:53 PM
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20

Drive the baristas out using a coil of rope one of those wood stirrers for a scourge.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:03 PM
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21

The whole "lion market" thing doesn't seem to make one bit of sense as either economics or theology. Though I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:20 PM
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22

||
Palin jazz piano piece
|>


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:20 PM
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23

21: Maybe that was in one of the unpublished Narnia books.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:21 PM
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23: Indeed.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:29 PM
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14 had me worried for a minute, but 18 is hardly what I'd call a church, so no worries.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:30 PM
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26

23: The Lion, the Witch, and the Fiscal Stimulus Package.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:31 PM
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27

Voyage of the Interest-Rate Treader


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:31 PM
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28

The Magician's Treasury Secretary

The Horse and his Federal Reserve Chairman


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:33 PM
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The Last Rate Cut


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:34 PM
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30

13: as if they haven't already gone there.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:38 PM
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I guess it's off-brand, but money is exchanged for coffee there.

I guess I don't see why this is surprising at all. The ginormous churches have been serving the role of community center for some time now, and are commodified, just as the municipal community center or the hospital offers a television screen or five. It's not very different from what, say, Hamas does: government services let you down, private organizations step in and provide, due to need if nothing else, and they therefore garner your support. In the US, this goes hand in hand with our love of the free market way (despite the fact that these megachurches enjoy, I think, 501(c)3 status).

- This comment, half written, was lost in a browser crash and is partially reconstructed, with less enthusiasm than before.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:39 PM
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32

I wish there were a better peg parser generator out there. Alas, there is not.


Posted by: pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:39 PM
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33

27-29 inclusive: Prince Small Capsian


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:40 PM
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34

It's so weird, but the Narnia books are such a part of my subconscious that hearing you make jokes about them is like hearing someone make jokes about my soul. I love you all.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:45 PM
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35

I can't wait for President Obama to point out that megachurches and Hamas perform similar roles, right before he razes them all.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:50 PM
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36

35: I know, it'll be excellent, eh?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:54 PM
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37

Oh ben, you tease.

But seriously, can we have these "Obama will destroy the very concept of America" assholes agree never to vote again if they're proven wrong? I'm already pissed that, every time a Republican who promised the Clinton tax increase would destroy the economy goes on the TV, they don't run a chyron saying, "This hysterical asshole doesn't know anything about anything."


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 9:57 PM
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38

can we have these "Obama will destroy the very concept of America" assholes agree never to vote again if they're proven wrong?

We'd need them to agree on what counts as being proven wrong.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:16 PM
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39

Comments like 35 are going to a problem for me in 2020.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:32 PM
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39: I might still nominate you as my running mate. I'm very forgiving and so are the American People.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:34 PM
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41

To be. Going to be a problem.

And thank you, Stanley. That's very generous. I just hope that America's ready for a Drummer-American president by then.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:35 PM
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42

I just hope that America's ready for a Drummer-American president by then

If history serves as a guide, they'll say I'm rushing things a bit.

*rim shot*


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:42 PM
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43

I realize you're all ahead of your time, but the thought is appreciated.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 10-30-08 10:47 PM
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44

Yes, that's right, they're praying for the advent of the "lion market."

Someone with more experience with the modern Christian Right than I might be able to explain why fundies have so latched on to the lion as their preferred god-animal of choice. In the New Testament there's a bit of comparing Christ to a lamb, especially in Revelation, and there's a point where Satan is compared to a lion, if I recall correctly, but I missed the point where Jesus became a lion. Does it really stem entirely from C.S. Lewis's popularity with the evangelical right, or is it just the desperate need for a stronger, manlier mascot?


Posted by: inaccessible island rail | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 5:38 AM
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45

Voyage of the Interest-Rate Treader Day Trader


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 6:08 AM
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46

And let us not forget C.S. Lewis' other poplular work, The Screwtape Letters of Credit


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 6:10 AM
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47

46, alternatively: The Screwed-Up Lenders


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 6:26 AM
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48

44: The lion imagery also originates in Revelation (5:5, where "Lion of the Tribe of Judah, the Root of David" is traditionally supposed to refer to Christ).


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 6:36 AM
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The lion imagery also originates in Revelation (5:5, where "Lion of the Tribe of Judah, the Root of David" is traditionally supposed to refer to Christ).

But is now more commonly used to reference Ras Tafari. Who I'm sure is what the fundies have in mind.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 7:09 AM
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50

What better animal for the 'who would Jesus bomb?' crowd.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 7:14 AM
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51

Yes, that's right, they're praying for the advent of the "lion market."

There's already too much lyin' on Wall St.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 7:19 AM
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52

Cheetah's never prosper.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 7:29 AM
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53

Ben, adding to the awesomeness, today is Johnny Marr's birthday.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 7:33 AM
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54

51 is totally over the lion.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:00 AM
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55

They'll all be happy as soon as the Dow stops oceloting so much.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:01 AM
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56

Maybe it will if we can get the cheetahs out of the market.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:03 AM
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57

Around the markets, the financial markets, the lion creeps tonight.


Posted by: Solomon Linda | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:07 AM
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58

The real problem, of course, is all of the lynx between the stock market and the collapsing market for CDOs.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:09 AM
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59

Pray Unto Mammon's Attribute


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:15 AM
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60

58: and let's not forget the wildcat speculators.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:16 AM
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61

And we can't fail to note that the downturn began to accelerate when it seemed like a new bank felidae.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:18 AM
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30: I wonder if all those church ATMs give cash back?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:20 AM
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63

What better animal for the 'who would Jesus bomb?' crowd.

Seagull?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:26 AM
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64

We wouldn't be in this trouble if the Feds didn't panther to the banking industry.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:29 AM
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65

I assume the PUMA crowd is somehow mixed-up in this mess.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:32 AM
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66

Something tells me we're in for a serious meerkat correction.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 8:39 AM
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67

this animal's associated with wealth in our pop folklore
i thought i'd say


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 9:00 AM
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#67. You can take that to the bank vole, but money won't buy you muskrat love.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 9:39 AM
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69

It isn't the richest campaign that wins, it's the one with the best Get Out The Vole operation.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 9:43 AM
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70

Every time we try to shut these people up they Babylon.

OK, but seriously, I'm gonna give away one of my GREAT ideas for making money, and I'm not kidding.

I happen to know that there are oodles of antique malls which have large numbers of small stalls in them with oodles of items to be picked up, compared, put back, and gathered. Nothing new there, right?

Well you put a lounge in a side room, not too big, not too fancy, just some old couches, chairs, a selection of reading material (nothing dirty!), an old TV, and some coffee. Maybe have a courtesy can for paying for the coffee. Maybe some cookies, too, but they are not necessary.

So where does the money come in? If you give the guys a place to relax, take a load off, and kill some time you'll give the shoppers much more time to comfortably browse. I bet sales would go up too.

As someone who has spent way too much time in these places I can attest that there is a NEED for these lounges. Everybody is happy, and everybody wins.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 9:49 AM
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70. I know some department stores will have "the game" on in the women's departments. With comfy chairs.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 10:03 AM
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Don't worry, people. The Dow will be hyena week or so.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 10:03 AM
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73

Totally. And they should have shoe stores in the basement of stadiums to give me something to do while my hubby is watching the home team at the big game. He leaves the seat up sometimes!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 10:16 AM
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heebie,

I know what I said sounds sexist. I know. And I really am not saying that everybody is like this.

I'm saying I personally have felt this need and would like to accommodate and support my mate in what she desires but there are times that I get tired and end up having to ask her to leave and in this case instead of that compromise I would love to have both of us get what we need at the same time.

I also know some other people feel the same way. I'm really not saying this is the way it is for everyone, but I think it is true for enough people that it creates a market niche and makes business sense.


Posted by: Tripp | Link to this comment | 10-31-08 10:31 AM
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75

73 is said in bitter jest but actually might not be a bad idea.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 11- 1-08 1:04 AM
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