Re: Transubstantiation

1

Link fixed. (daily intel, not Blago). And someone not on an iPhone can update the post to use the real nymag link if they please so the baby Jesus won't cry.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 4:44 PM
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"They always tell you that love and sex and relationships take work. But suddenly I understood that it worked the other way, too -- work means nothing without love and sex and relationships."


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 4:57 PM
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That was sad.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 4:57 PM
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3: The comments are sadder. And being someone who actually read the comments is the saddest of all.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:05 PM
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Eh. Modern Love was bad enough. Please, please, tell me this is meant to be satire.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:11 PM
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I'm with 5. It read like a fiction to me. Carefully constructed.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:14 PM
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Reads like fiction to me too, but what do I know about the life of a young consultant in Manhattan? Certainly each individual event was plausible. But the inner dialogue read like someone trying to satire the mentality of a vapid consultant.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:29 PM
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Fiction. I hope.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:34 PM
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I get this sense of "striving for McSweeney's and failing miserably".


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:46 PM
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Bummer. I got bored partway through Day Four. How did it end?!?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:53 PM
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Jesus Christ. Bristol Palin has named her son "Tripp."


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:54 PM
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I get the sense of 'McSweeney's isn't funny... it's such drab realism.' I don't think it's fake, just heavily edited.

so the baby Jesus won't cry

The baby Jesus always cries; he's kinda colicky.

max
['His folks aren't getting any sleep.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 5:54 PM
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10: Alien invasion. The narrator was killed mid-sentence.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:00 PM
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Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

I'm generally a strong supporter of children getting theit mother's surname, but in this instance...

"Mitch Johnston" is practically anonymous.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:03 PM
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Does New York Magazine usually tag those posts by the music they mention? A quick search reveals that the "Love Actually" soundtrack and "Britney Spears" are on different labels, both owned by Sony Music. Not that advertising could be involved or anything.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:04 PM
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11: That made me laugh, but I also noticed that the last name is Johnston. I wasn't aware that you could give your kid a last name not (yet) yours.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:06 PM
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There are hundreds of posts with a Britney Spears tag, but that's the only one tagged "Love Actually." So maybe it's a tag celebrities mentioned policy.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:06 PM
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13: Ah! I've seen a few of those made-for-TV movies.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:18 PM
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You can give a kid any name, can't you?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:20 PM
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Becks, Ya gotta stop sublimating.


Posted by: jim | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:22 PM
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|| I just bought $400 worth of books on Amazon about boring but important topics I really should know something about but don't. WHen they arrive at my house I will fondle them, then sleep with them under my pillow, my brain will absorb the knowledge through the covers and then I will know EVERYTHING ||>


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:27 PM
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He does not know, however, that I have mentally cut him off. How am I supposed to relay this if he refuses to get in contact with me?

My beloved 4-y-o grandnephew has a very dramatic sulk when he's mad. He hunches his shoulders and turns his head and upper body away from you with a scowly face. He did this to my sister, his grandmother, and she basically ignored him and went about her business, still sitting next to him. After a few seconds he turned, poked her in the arm, and went back into his sulk as soon as she looked over at him. This happened more than once. Then he said "You're not LISTENING to me!"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:35 PM
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PGD: presumably connected with your change of situation?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:36 PM
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I call shenanigans with the title 'The Consultant With a 100 Percent At-Work Sex Life". The only actual sex in the story occurs at home.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:39 PM
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Where's Tripp? Is he flattered or insulted?


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:39 PM
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The NYMag story just doesn't seem that weird to me: the woman is getting all her sexual jollies via the workplace, which is where she mostly hangs out. She's young, it seems, and that's how most younger people do things, isn't it? She calls her female co-workers "girl coworkers." She's the giggly sort, seem like, and she gets all wrapped up in the day-to-day drama of who texts whom when, blah blah blah. Pretty normal and usual for a young thing.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:48 PM
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that's how most younger people do things, isn't it?

I was explicitly advised by a friendly co-worker/mentor, "Don't shit where you eat." I didn't follow her advice and soon regretted it. So maybe? Once, and stupidly; lesson learned.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:51 PM
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I object to the parallel between sexual liaisons/flirting and shitting, but aside from that, yeah.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:55 PM
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I was surprised to know that there was another person in the world for whom Britney unfailingly gave solace.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:55 PM
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Don't burglarize your own neighborhood. The principle is versatile and robust.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 6:56 PM
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Certainly each individual event was plausible. But the inner dialogue read like someone trying to satire the mentality of a vapid consultant.

REally? Well how embarrassing. I was thinking most of the individual events seemed contrived -- seriously, sex on a hotel podium? I can't even begin to sort out the physics/geometry/logistics of such a thing -- but the inner dialogue, well, it was just like the voices inside my head. Seriously,

"He does not know, however, that I have mentally cut him off. How am I supposed to relay this if he refuses to get in contact with me?"
I am sure I have had exactly this same thought.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:05 PM
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28: Don't take laxatives at your kitchen table?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:12 PM
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21: You're doing it wrong.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:27 PM
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I was explicitly advised by a friendly co-worker/mentor, "Don't shit where you eat."

Was it The Trader Who Will Fly for Sex? See Day 4, 8:00 am.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:33 PM
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sex on a hotel podium? I can't even begin to sort out the physics/geometry/logistics of such a thing

Now that you mention it, this does seem a rather odd detail. Most podiums are pretty lightweight and mobile. Not to mention the height problems. If you want to get frisky sitting/standing on a hotel ballroom stage, you'd be much better off finding a room where they'd just held a panel discussion. Tables are a much more appropriate height, and generally heavier.

Also, not having gone down on anyone since high school: they do go in for the depressing stories, don't they?


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:34 PM
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If it's real, it reads like she started this promiscuous-by-her-standands lifestyle very recently. And reads a lot of Cosmo.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:35 PM
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35: She's a revolutionary.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:41 PM
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37: She does it on a merry-go-round?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:42 PM
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35.2: Oh, that was you in the comment thread over there.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:43 PM
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"Some... went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:51 PM
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40: Some do it in the minivan on the way home.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:53 PM
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42

39: What in the where now?

34's link seems to confirm my suspicion in 35.2.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 7:54 PM
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God Lovin' Damn It Becks, I have now read nine of these things today, and I need to draft a half-hour speech by noon tomorrow. Well, really by Saturday, but there's a New Year's weekend of debauchery and wine touring Tues-Fri.

If someone can post a list of what I need to bring to Thailand, that would help. I already have the shorts that turn into pants and then back into shorts, via the magic of zippers.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 8:00 PM
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A healthy dose of skepticism that anyone claiming to be official is in fact so, per M/tch.

Also, a hat. (Per me.)


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 8:09 PM
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44 to the other thread?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 8:11 PM
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45: To the meetup thread? Definitely.

Back to 43: M/tch has certain other things to say about a visit to Bangkok, including a serious recommendation to catch some Filipino cover bands. E-mail him for more if you want, though alameida will have more up-to-date info. His pseud with i's instead of slashes at hott mail.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 8:16 PM
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Awesome, thank you.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 8:58 PM
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Immunizations!


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 9:04 PM
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Where are you going in Thailand? I don't think you need to bring anything special, though immunizations might be a good idea. It used to be the case that if you looked poor enough, they would ask to see three hundred dollars in cash or traveller's checks.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 9:22 PM
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49: Up to Chiang Mai, down to the eastern beaches, maybe the western beaches, maybe over to Angkor Wat. It's a bit ad hoc.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 9:49 PM
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We bought a bunch of malaria pills (in Thailand), but ended up not using them. My wife complained that the sheets in some of the hotels were dirty, and she wishes that we'd brought a bed roll. Anything you need you can get in Bangkok, and probably in Chiang Mai as well.

The overland trip to Angkor Wat is sucky (flying is probably nicer, but more expensive), but Angkor Wat itself is one of the most fucking amazing things in the world.

If you do go from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, and you like ruins, I would also recommend Ayutthaya and Sukhothai, which are ruins of old cities.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 10:34 PM
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PGD: presumably connected with your change of situation?

kinda, yeah, although I'll only need all this new knowledge if the new position really works out. Now that it's too late to change I have this queasy feeling I may have made a practical mistake -- some big chunk of my motivation was grass-is-greener type stuff and just the desire to change things and get a fun burst of excitement. Like career impulse shopping. Oh well.

34: um, wow. Full-on sexual nihilism, complete with an Applebees!


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 11:09 PM
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34 reads like an advertisement for various websites.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 11:22 PM
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The link in 34, of course.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 11:23 PM
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I'd take any excuse to never have a dick in my mouth again

closet lesbian


Posted by: michael | Link to this comment | 12-29-08 11:28 PM
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I always thought the acronym was RDT, which has the advantage of shortening the phrase to 'relationship-defining talk.'


Posted by: Mike d | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 1:24 AM
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43: Extra luggage, to bring back silk and embroidery. And paper umbrellas - I think the Bo Sang umbrella festival occurs in January.

I used to have a client who lived in Chiang Rai, somewhat north of Chiang Mai. It was a bitch getting papers signed. We had to fax them to the bar he patronised, then he had to travel to the US Consulate to get them notarised.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 2:58 AM
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I'd take any excuse to never have a dick in my mouth again
closet lesbian

Bah. Why would she want a stinky, cootie-filled pussy near her oh so bleached teeth? Sometimes it even bleeds! Also, did you know that meat comes from dead animals and carrots come out of the ground? And have you seen what comes out of people's asses? EWWWWWW!

max
['Closet asexual.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 7:00 AM
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Have a great trip, Wrongshore!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 7:03 AM
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58: To be fair, some of those things really are kinda nasty.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 7:39 AM
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Filipino cover bands.

these are everywhere in China. I do not understand-- if Chinese can make an art scene out of recycled trends, why not eagles covers with local flavor?


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 8:09 AM
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Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 8:32 AM
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60: Di hates carrots.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 8:41 AM
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58: To be fair, some of those things really are kinda nasty.

Quite. But if I'm guessing the type correctly, the only things that aren't nasty are sterility and food pills.

max
['Because that's the way humans are meant to live.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 8:49 AM
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64: The kind of gal who considers Purel an appropriate lube?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:03 AM
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that is just gross, Di!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:09 AM
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65 - As a field expedient spur of the moment thing it's not that weird, is it? It's not axle grease or mayonnaise.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:11 AM
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There are Filipino cover bands on the US West Coast. They're family operations and kids grow up learning instruments and vocal styles. The guy I knew was a middle class professional, but he still played music some. He had some slightly mafia-esque behaviors, but was very funny too.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:11 AM
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Gross, but antimicrobial!


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:11 AM
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That isnt why Apo told you to rub like you were washing your hands.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:14 AM
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67: Actually, I'd imagine it would be a horrible idea what with being alcohol based and designed to evaporate quickly.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:16 AM
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70: Oh! That was a technique thing -- I just thought he was commenting on my hygiene.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:18 AM
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71 - Now that I think of it, you have a point. It's not so much gross as it is a poor choice of tools for the task at hand. Axle grease it is!


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:34 AM
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That made me laugh, but I also noticed that the last name is Johnston. I wasn't aware that you could give your kid a last name not (yet) yours.

Why not? The kid's genetic material is 50% Dad's. And there are plenty of married women who never take their husband's name but who give the kid a name that's "not theirs."

(Why do I keep picturing the pony picture with NOT YOURS on it?)


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 10:07 AM
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Nickname: "Tripper". They decided against naming the kid "Stone" or "Tweak".

So where is Tripp, to take credit?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 10:10 AM
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Invading Alaska's "air space." IYKWIMAITYD


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 10:14 AM
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Thanks for the tips all.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 10:31 AM
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Reads like fiction to me too, but what do I know about the life of a young consultant?

None of it accords with my experience, but that could be just me.

Also, PGD, you probably wouldn't have suspected that the secret life of senate staff assistants could be so titillating before Washingtonienne, right?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 10:58 AM
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74: It just struck me that last names are also a matter of choice, and that I missed an opportunity when we were having our baby name squabbles conversations. "You can choose whatever first names you like, sweetie. And for the last names, I'm going to comb through the Antananarivo telephone directory."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 11:45 AM
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Antananarivo is my choice for best name for a capital city. Until DC gets renamed Wizard Cocksucker Burg, that is.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 11:50 AM
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Clearly fiction -- day four, 4:08pm, "Realize I am contemplating my ethics on a somewhat frequent basis. Wonder if this is a sign of my adaptation to life in New York City." As I understand it, adaptation to life in NYC involves less ethical contemplation, not more.


Posted by: Hamilton Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 1:40 PM
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67: Actually, I'd imagine it would be a horrible idea what with being alcohol based and designed to evaporate quickly.

But sterile. And safe. Unlike those nasty skin bacteria.

To be fair, it would be better than the time I got confuzzled and wound up using Ben Gay as lube.

max
['That didn't work out well.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 2:10 PM
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The world music group "Tarika" has a song about the cool places to go in Antananarivo, and a lot of other good stuff too. "Balance" is their best, IMHO.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 2:25 PM
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82: Ouch. Just ouch.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 3:26 PM
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Ouch. Just ouch.

Cease flinching, Di. He didn't say there was another person involved.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 3:33 PM
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At least it wasn't Fixodent or something.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 3:39 PM
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85: Ouch. Just ouch.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 4:06 PM
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87 If you are experiencing pain, perhaps you should try some lube?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 4:10 PM
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Sadly, there was another person involved before realization dawned.

'OMG, it BURNS!'

max
['That said, the long-term effects were short, unlike the time we ran out of lube and kept going. And going. And going.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 4:27 PM
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So, you were fucking the Energizer Bunny?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 4:30 PM
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She was a lot like that at the time. Just like me!

Much grislier:

The man tied a rope to the minivan's back seat and put the other end around his neck and jumped off the bridge, and after "falling a great distance," the rope decapitated him. [...] Minutes later, police found a woman's badly decomposed body under a blanket in the master bedroom. [...] Goeke left behind a signed suicide note on a computer table in the residence's living room that read: "I'm sorry. It was an accident. It was too late to save her. I'm going to join her now. I'm sorry."

max
['Poor people.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 4:40 PM
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81: As I understand it, adaptation to life in NYC involves less ethical contemplation, not more.

No, it's more ethical contemplation, of the type offered by the NYT magazine's "The Ethicist" column. I.e., much contemplation, not very ethical.


Posted by: PG | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 5:40 PM
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83: Tarika! I have one of their albums.

91: I'd like to understand Max's story as it is unfolding, but alas, I find the up-down arrows provided by Safari on the borrowed Mac I'm using counter-intuitive.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 6:26 PM
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91: - Every so often that sort of thing happens. It's sad really, and could be greatly reduced by teaching safe erotic asphyxiation techniques in High School. I predict that in 2009 Obama will address this problem.


Posted by: Togolosh | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 6:59 PM
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Obama thinks safe erotic asphyxiation techniques should be taught in kindergarten!


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 12-30-08 9:38 PM
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The thing that was really odd about that story, from my perspective, was the comments. On an English paper, they would have been straight up horrible -- jeering , moralistic, and all from strangers. Here we had a local paper being used by people who actually knew and missed the couple, and thought it was a tragedy, not a comedy. How much nicer people seem in PA.


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 01- 1-09 12:02 PM
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There was a terribly sad double suicide in Portland OR awhile back by two counterculturalists who had many friends. The online response was violently mixed and may have had to be closed down, as I remember.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01- 1-09 12:21 PM
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Presumably Portland is a lot larger than wherever that paper comes from?


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 01- 1-09 1:20 PM
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