Re: I'd call it On Your Knees

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Paging AWB...


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 4:44 PM
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IIRC, AWB's childhood character would play the straight man for all the drunk kids to bounce off of.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:01 PM
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There's a country song where the girl goes to Nashville to try to make it as a country singer, and in the chorus she remembers her mother's advice: "Just remember what your knees are for." I practically got whiplash the first time I heard it, until I realized they were talking about praying.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:03 PM
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The title! Good work.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:04 PM
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Isn't that sort of the deal with Saved?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:04 PM
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Saved is a great movie. But I'm picturing something with episodes!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:16 PM
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Also, in Saved she leans to ditch the church/popular crowd, and the tension is pretty one-dimensional. I'm picturing two dimensions!

Actually I'm picturing something like Big Love meets Friday Night Lights.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:18 PM
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You must be imagining insufficiently great writing and actors, you contrarian. Now you see?

It's a miracle!!1!

3: in the chorus she remembers her mother's advice: "Just remember what your knees are for." I practically got whiplash the first time I heard it, until I realized they were talking about praying.

I think maybe there is a good possibility that that line was intended to be taken either way.

max
['What's the song called?']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:19 PM
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I went to a church camp, age 14. It was Presbyterian, but there were prayers and hymns. As far as I could tell, all the kids were very nice and nonrebellious and nonsexual.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:24 PM
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The song is Sugarland's "Baby Girl," and I assumed when I heard the song that it was a double entendre between scrubbing the floor on one's hands and knees, and giving head. Praying didn't even occur to me as an option.


Posted by: JennyRobot | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:25 PM
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Also, "Jesus Camp."


Posted by: JennyRobot | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:26 PM
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I think maybe there is a good possibility that that line was intended to be taken either way.

Well, it's not in the chorus, it the last line in the second verse. But the song seems extremely earnest and single-entendred to me.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:26 PM
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9: Yeah, some of us emerge from our youthful religious education all repressed and inexperienced, ya know?


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:27 PM
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I've seen people praying many, many times, and never while they're on their knees. I suspect that the idea of "get on my knees and pray" only exists in pop culture as a cliche in song lyrics, like hitchhiking. But am probably wrong.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:34 PM
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Sugarland irritates the living fuck out of me because the woman's voice sounds like a caricature of an exaggeration of a ridiculous fakey Texan twang. No one's accent is that naturally audible when they sing.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:35 PM
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14: You've never seen anyone face Mecca?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:36 PM
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16: Or been to a Catholic mass.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:45 PM
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The video indeed doesn't wink at that line.

In my Christian days there was lots of kneeling. Also check out Zurbaran.


Posted by: Vance Maverick | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:46 PM
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No, I've never seen someone face Mecca, or been to a Catholic mass, that I can remember.

The point is: I think in the Christian tradition that this song comes from, exemplified by my aunts and cousins, praying isn't really done while kneeling. Maybe if people are really really desperate for something they will kneel. But really I was just trying to say that it makes sense to not hear "knees" and think prayer, if you're a Protestant.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:49 PM
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Sorry to derail the thread if that has happened. I thought the first word of the post was "I'd", rather than "I".


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:58 PM
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When I hear "on your knees" I always picture the kid kneeling at the side of their bed with the trapdoor PJs on. (I'm talking about Jammies and my sex life again.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 5:59 PM
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20: This was a thread where I had a solid agenda of items I wanted to see addressed, so I'm pretty upset at you, Cryp.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:01 PM
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14:On one of my many hitchhikes, somewhere in that long stretch between Amarillo and the California mountains, after talking for hours with a young Christian in a bug, he still made me sleep outside while he slept in the car. Next morning he took me a few hundred miles more.

I remember nothing else about that incident, or about what came before and what after, or which trip it was. Well, except for desert stars and dry trees as I was falling asleep.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:02 PM
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Shouldn't the title be Fall on your Knees? It references a classic religious song, plus you get the double meaning of "fall."

I went to Methodist church camp 4 times--twice in the Black Hills, twice in the Boundary Waters. My main memory of the Black Hills camp was providing an impassioned defense of the Twisted Sister song "Burn in Hell" as a christian song. No one bit, but I maintain to this day that I'm right.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:02 PM
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plus you get the double meaning of "fall."

But you lose the blowjob joke.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:03 PM
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I don't want to be lost.


Posted by: the blowjob joke | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:07 PM
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See?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:07 PM
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25-27: Poor form, heebie.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:17 PM
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I wasn't actually commenting, on my knees.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:19 PM
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Sock-puppetry, the one unforgivable internet sin.


Posted by: Cryotiuc nerd | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:19 PM
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30: All comments on Unfogged make more sense if you add the three little words on my knees.

Sock-puppetry, the one unforgivable internet sin, on my knees.

I don't want to be lost, on my knees.

Yeah, some of us emerge from our youthful religious education all repressed and inexperienced, ya know, on my knees?


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:25 PM
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31 reminds me that the new fortune cookie add-on is "down there", replacing "in bed." Same basic concept, but slightly more open to misfortune and skeeviness.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:27 PM
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One time we were playing that game, except with billboards and the phrase "in my pants!" My favorite was the billboard that read "Santa's coming!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:28 PM
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We played it on Slacktivist once only with the phrase "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" on my knees.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:29 PM
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God listens to Slayer in my pants!


Posted by: Cryotiuc nerd | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:30 PM
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Heading out - I'm going jogging on my knees.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:32 PM
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10: Praying didn't even occur to me as an option.
12: But the song seems extremely earnest and single-entendred to me.

Text lyrics:

Dear Mom and Dad please send money,
I'm so broke that it ain't funny.
Well, I don't need much just enough to get me through.
Please don't worry cause I'm all right,
See, I'm playing here at the bar tonight.
Well, in this town I'm going to make our dreams come true.
Well, I love you more than anything in the world,
Love your baby girl

Black top, blue skies, big town full of little white lies,
Everybody's your friend, you can never be sure,
They'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings and all sorts of shiny things,
but girl you'll remember what your knees are for.

Yeah, I think Jenny has this one right, Heebie. She does have to pander to her market.

max
['Still in Hollywood.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:34 PM
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I suspect that the idea of "get on my knees and pray" only exists in pop culture as a cliche in song lyrics, like hitchhiking.

IIRC, there's a scene in Camp Out (a surprisingly entertaining movie) in which the ultra-religious camper leads people in prayer while on their knees.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:35 PM
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I suspect that the idea of "get on my knees and pray" only exists in pop culture as a cliche in song lyrics, like hitchhiking.

Or in Catholic mass. The praying, not the hitchhikers.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:38 PM
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25:Another time, or the same trip this redneck picked me up in Amarillo. Short hair, pickup truck. On the dashboard, passenger side, was the classic gay pickup book of the era. Something like The Bestest Kiss, 100 pages of color stills, starts off with hetero blowjobs, then threeways, then 50 pages of guys. After realizing what I'm reading, I glance carefully over and he's got his joint out, playing, flaccid, pretty big and circumsized. I concentrate on my mag, because he's a big guy and I want to get to the outskirts.

At the time I thought it was funny and a little sad that he never said a word, or touched me or made eye contact. What do I know from the law?

Anyway, I was outbound from Dallas, and needed to get out of Texas more than I needed money. He let me off at the Albuquerque sign. I hit him up for twenty on general principles, or just to be friendly.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:39 PM
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Offblog comm call on deleting BobM!

Raised Catholic I spent much of my youth on my knees. They used to have these little foldout padded benches that would bang your ankles when you weren't kneeling on them.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 6:57 PM
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39: A worse Catholic beat you to it at 17! But seriously, Episcopalians and Anglicans kneel too. It isn't simply Romish, Ned.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:00 PM
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They used to have these little foldout padded benches

Padded? Ah, you were lucky.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:04 PM
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All comments on Unfogged make more sense if you add the three little words on my knees.

Darn you, Jes. Im going to be thinking that in court tomorrow.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:09 PM
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I went to an Evangelical church camp when I was 15 and I'm pretty sure no one was getting on their knees (or back). The people who ran the camp were pretty fastidious about keeping the boys and girls separated. Bummer because I have no scandalous stories. At least not from that summer.


Posted by: tonks | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:09 PM
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45: Tonks! Hello!

1,2 are true, of course. I think I must have told the story about how, on a ski trip with the youth group during high school, the youth group pastor's eighth-grade daughter pulled me into a huddle with some other girls to talk about how many boys in the youth group they'd blown. I was all, uh, hm.

It wasn't that I was all judgmental about pre-marital sex or anything, but this was that weird sort of "Oh see, we're actually very attractive and you can tell because we found a few disgusting boys who will tolerate oral sex from us" conversations that make me profoundly uncomfortable.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:18 PM
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42: Heh. My very (liberal) Catholic mother taught me that Episcopalians were Catholic Lite and that, in a pinch, we could take their Communion and vice-versa.

I'm recalling bits by comedians who talk about the little old lady at the front who knows when to kneel, sit, or stand, and how everyone watches her. But no specific comic names come to mind.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:20 PM
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A worse Catholic beat you to it at 17!

Ah, so you did. But you are probably a better Catholic.

I wasn't allowed to do youth group things because of the risk of possibly having sex, so I imagine the series heebie proposes would be very good.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:25 PM
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In college, my roommate belonged to a student-run "Christian" group that, like many college-student-run Christian groups, had a pretty rogue doctrine, not being tied to any particular church. They ran their own services because regular churches were not "Christian" enough for them.

They went the opposite way with sexuality, in a terrifically creepy way. All the guys in the group were constantly evangelizing to the girls about the necessity for no physical contact between the sexes. There was this book How I Kissed Dating Goodbye that was popular at the time that recommended "courting" instead of "dating"--group dates and an explicit intent to marry, little or no kissing, etc.--and this group took it to the extreme. You should never have conversations alone with someone of the opposite sex or whatever.

It should not have surprised us (excepting that we went to Nerd U where most of the guys were frankly terrified of sex due to nerdery and it was really hard to get laid, even if you were trying) that my roommate's courter (?), a delightful son of missionaries to China, chose to announce at one of the group's services that he had a real problem about masturbating pretty constantly to gay porn. It was the first my roommate, who figured God wanted them to get married, had heard of it, and everyone asked a lot of questions in public about how he planned to be fully a husband to my roommate with this terrible burden of homosexual lust.

My guess is that quite a few of those dudes were harboring similar future testimonies. I was gay, but now am found, was blind but now I'm in a tragically sexless marriage with some chick who thought marriage meant we'd finally get it on like rabbits.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:33 PM
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Two AWB-bait threads in a row today. Sex and god-camp, DFW -- if we could get a post about how the finest of organic ingredients unmasks the fearlessness of seemingly conservative students at a religious school, she might never leave us again.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:37 PM
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Hmm, buzzkill. Enough stories to keep you up all night there. Or just the summary.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:39 PM
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Heh. I've been teaching an insane schedule that, pace-wise, is equivalent to teaching eight classes in a semester (9am-12pm and 1pm-4 MTWTh), but just for three and a half weeks. It's at a school two hours from where I live. I mostly teach, come home, pass out, wake up for a few hours, then pass out again until 5am to do it all over.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 7:40 PM
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||

Tiller Clinic Closing ..Digby

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:01 PM
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46: I went to the worst church camp ever. Damn!


Posted by: tonks | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:08 PM
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I didn't envy them. The boys they were bragging about blowing were truly pathetic little trolls.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:11 PM
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the new fortune cookie add-on is "down there", replacing "in bed."

I'm pretty sure I have mentioned previously, though I can't find the link, that it was customary in Deep Redstatia to do this with the titles of hymns to pass the time in church (there being neither Chinese restaurants nor fortune cookies in the vicinity). "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing" and "How Great Thou Art" reliably cracked me up on that score.

I attended possibly the coolest church camp ever.* They totally softpedaled the religious aspects, and the formal religious instruction seemed to consist largely of explaining to us Presbyterian kids why our theology and our moral code were in every way superior to the crude fundamentalism of the Baptist majority amongst which we lived.

*Evidence against this claim: there were no blowjobs that I was aware of. However, I suspect the qualifier in that sentence is doing a lot of work.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:33 PM
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My very (liberal) Catholic mother taught me that Episcopalians were Catholic Lite

My devout Presbyterian sister used the same phrase in reaction to my conversion to Anglicanism. She added the tagline, "All the Ceremony, None of the Guilt".


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:37 PM
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55: Yeah, but there was nothing scandalous about my church camp. The biggest news was when Michaela had to be sent home with chicken pox. Woot.


Posted by: tonks | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 8:56 PM
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57: The Garrison Keillor joke is "4 commandments, 6 suggestions."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 9:13 PM
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Jewish youth group camps are famous for massive amounts of sex, but it's not really the same sort of thing as at Christian camps. There's nothing particularly transgressive about it, though it's not formally allowed or encouraged. Judaism has plenty of restrictions on sex, but they're not central concerns of the faithful the way the equivalent restrictions are in Christianity, and outside of the Orthodox (who don't have camps as far as I know) no one seems to really care that much about whether the teenagers are having sex. Or, perhaps more accurately, people who care about it care for basically secular reasons that don't have much to do with the specifically religious context of the camps.

I was involved in some youth group stuff when I was in high school, but I never went to camp. In retrospect I probably should have.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 9:39 PM
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I find your lack of pants disturbing, on my knees.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 9:45 PM
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Good f*#king god but 15 gets it exactly right. Holy motherhumping demons out of goldarn shithaus hellfire her put-on accent is annoying. Can I please unhear that song???????


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 10:03 PM
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All the country music chatter I hear is that you can't get a song recorded by anyone with clout unless the song's written by a specific group of folks in Nashville. It all sounds vaguely like a "Oh, man, the Jews control Hollywood" type of line, but I'm not trying to make music there, so I don't know. Weird scene though.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 10:45 PM
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First time I smoked pot was on a church youth group retreat. Never had sex on one, but lord knows I tried.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 10:45 PM
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Never had sex on one, but lord knows I tried.

Yes he does.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 10:48 PM
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I should clarify 63: it's not the Jews who are purported to control things, but rather some version of the Good Ol' Boy Network and/or, vaguely, "The Unions".

I don't know what these people mean, but hey, there it is. Front-line reporting.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 10:58 PM
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I don't know what these people mean

THE JEWNIONS!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:01 PM
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||

You know what's a weirdly adrenaline-soaked experience? Selling a car on eBay.

|>


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:13 PM
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68: Makes sense, but I suspect it's not nearly as adrenaline soaked as buying a car on eBay.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:14 PM
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69: that certainly could be the case. Both of us had an air of unreality about us when making the transfer.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:15 PM
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You know what's a weirdly adrenaline-soaked experience?

Shooting up adrenochrome?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:24 PM
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Reading the trip reports, apparently not.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:36 PM
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Not like a giant line of meth is, anyhow.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:36 PM
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Speaking of meth, I took some more pictures of Farmington today. I'm uploading them to Flickr right now.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06- 9-09 11:51 PM
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44: Im going to be thinking that in court tomorrow on my knees.

*evil grin*


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 2:16 AM
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So that's what happened to ogged's girlfriend!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 2:27 AM
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Hassocks.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 2:40 AM
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Hassocks.

68 - my dad's friend sold his car on eBay, and asked my dad to go and be present for the handing over of car and cash. (My dad is not any kind of hardman.) 3 Bulgarians came to collect the car, and my dad counted the money. The pair of them were certainly hyped up afterwards.


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 5:49 AM
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Shouldn't the title be Fall on your Knees?

I like: This One Time, At Jesus Camp...


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 5:51 AM
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The most gentle, sort of nerdy guy I know who is now a doctor did pot (I think it was the only time) at a youth church retreat. One of his coworkers, a nurse, was kind of shocked that he'd ever done pot, since he seemed so oon teh straight and narrow, but he's an Episcopalian, not a fundie. No real moral objections to pot.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:05 AM
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But seriously, Episcopalians and Anglicans kneel too. It isn't simply Romish, Ned.

Less than we used to, oud. Only some of my church's congregation kneels, except on a day like Ash Wednesday or Good Friday. And they seriously discourage it during Easter, since it's not a penitential season.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:12 AM
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My Dad bought a car for me on ebay (an 85 Mercedes 300D) which he got in Kansas and drove out to California. The thing that I find weird about buying and selling cars on ebay is that you can;t have your mechanic check it out first.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:22 AM
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I went through a rather pious period between the ages of about 10-14 during which I prayed on my knees before going to bed. Previously I just prayed lying down before sleeping. There is something about being on your knees---the physical discomfort, probably---that concentrates your mind.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:31 AM
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49: I take it this was not the roommate who compulsively gave blowjobs to groups of strangers. (It would be interesting if it were.)


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:35 AM
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I went through a rather pious period between the ages of about 10-14 during which I prayed on my knees before going to bed. Previously I just prayed lying down before sleeping.

Yeah, IIRC the Mormons actually encourage kneeling by your bedside for personal prayer. I think I did this most nights from probably age 6-12 or so.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:20 AM
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I also delivered the pre-dinner prayer for my family (no kneeling, just arms folded and heads bowed and eyes closed at the table) on probably 90% of nights from 1989-1997 or so.

I was a very prolific prayer.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:22 AM
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I did some sort-of church camp things that were basically sleepovers or overnight camping with some singing and praying. There was definitely some fooling around going on, but the primary culprits were the daughters of USAmerican missionaries - there was a family with 4 drop dead gorgeous daughters, the eldest two of whom were about my age. The guys were mostly fairly "delayed" in the then-current argot.

One of the key moments in my loss of religion was at one of these sleepovers when I got busted for something one of the missionary girls had done and was accused of lying when I wasn't. Getting that horrible, aggressive lecture from someone who was supposed to help me find God really shook my confidence in everything these adults had told me. So good for her, horrible bitch.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:52 AM
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88

Would this be better as a scripted tv show or a reality show? Both have potential.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 9:12 AM
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Poor, innocent Brock.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 9:40 AM
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I suspect that the idea of "get on my knees and pray" only exists in pop culture as a cliche in song lyrics

Get up off your knees.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 9:44 AM
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88: There's still a lot of untapped potential in the scripted show that pretends to be a reality show. When I picture it as a show like that, I'm thinking about putting it on HBO or Showtime.

Maybe the premise of the reality show within a show could be that the contestants are trying to maintain their chastity, down to not even making eye-babies. Meanwhile, off camera for the show-within-a-show, but on camera for the real audience, some of the campers have a contest to see who can lose their virginity first.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 10:45 AM
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"There's still a lot of untapped potential in the scripted show that pretends to be a reality show."

Isn't that like 1/2 of MTV's programining now?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 10:50 AM
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"programining"

At least I misspell in novel ways.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 10:50 AM
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Oh, wait I know.

Some time ago, I remember reading about a female filmmaker who wanted to make a movie about three 18 year old HS senior girls who have a contest to see who could achieve orgasm first. No one wanted to fund the movie, because it was too risqué. This, even though it was just the female equivalent of American Pie.

In any case, I think in our show, there should be two groups of campers, one male, and one female, each with separate sexual contests going on behind the scenes of the show within a show, which is itself all about maintaining chastity.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 10:51 AM
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Moby Hick writes his comments on a typewriter and then scans them in using character-recognition software. "Programining" will be followed by a lot of confusion between cl and d, and f becoming an l followed by an apostrophe.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 10:57 AM
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95: Moby Hick is just distracted by a big paper.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:17 AM
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96: Like this.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:22 AM
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94:Some time ago, I remember reading about a female filmmaker who wanted to make a movie about three 18 year old HS senior girls who have a contest to see who could achieve orgasm first

Coming Soon

2nd Review:"Apparently, the subject of female orgasm is not as "funny" as some guy having sex with an apple pie" ...Jeff Frane

(The language is so close I am wondering if rh-c isn't making a joke)


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:23 AM
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98: Since nobody knows how to create a female orgasm, so it's harder to make good jokes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:28 AM
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Knows, or cares?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:33 AM
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97: Our judges say ... "That's OK, they roll big joints too!"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:39 AM
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Yeah, that's the movie I was thinking of.

I was making a joke in that i thought that stealing the premise would make our fictional reality show funnier. I don't know what else you thought I might be doing.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:39 AM
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I think Bob assumed, from your 94, that the movie hadn't been made (which I would have assumed as well) and was surprised to find that it had.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:43 AM
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I think I might have heard the director on Fresh Air complaining about the American Pie/Coming Soon double standard.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 11:43 AM
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74: I took some more pictures of Farmington today

You should do US-64 series, since Shiprock, Farmington, Dulce, Chama/Tierra Amarilla, Taos, Cimarron/Raton and Clayton are a good representative slice of a number of the many different faces of New Mexico. Plus great scenery.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:18 PM
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Coming Soon is ok, not great, although I have only seen large chunks of it. The cast is attractive and likeable, in a Kirsten Dunst/Alyson Hannigan kinda way.

One problem I have is that it is very much a Manhattan movie, and triggers several phobias:agora-, acro-,
claustro-. Even interior shots of a luxury apartment/condo have me wondering if it's on the 41st floor and there can be no quick escape.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:19 PM
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No quick survivable escape.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:21 PM
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106: As someone who's lived on the eighth floor most of my life, I'm always surprised by people who are comfortable sleeping at ground level. Someone could be right outside your window, and you wouldn't know.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:21 PM
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I don't especially love sleeping at (slightly above) ground level, especially with only the five-foot setback and a barred fence separating me from my sidewalk. Second story seems ideal, and looking straight into treetops is very pretty.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:25 PM
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looking straight into treetops is very pretty.

Elevated subway lines are lovely like that. I know they're noisy and bad for neighborhoods, but I don't get to ride the elevated lines much, and it's a treat when I do -- just cruising along, thirty feet above Brooklyn, and then a beautiful bridge crossing to Manhattan.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:29 PM
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49: I take it this was not the roommate who compulsively gave blowjobs to groups of strangers. (It would be interesting if it were.)

I'm sure this is in the archives somewhere, but yes it was the same roommate. (I'll leave the details to AWB; she and I talk about this girl a fair amount.)


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:31 PM
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I don't think I've lived higher than the third floor my whole life. I worked on the fifth floor once, but that's about it.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:33 PM
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110: speaking of, are you going to check this out any time soon?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:35 PM
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I'm very excited to be moving from ground level (literally on the ground, with patio doors, facing an internal pathway through the complex) to the third floor. I've only had an apartment that far off the ground once, I think.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:36 PM
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111: Yow! At least her and the man she was courting had something in common. That's the sort of trainwreck of a situation that you can't make a movie out of, because so many people would think the characters are unbelievable.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:37 PM
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Hmm. I've gone 2nd, 2nd, 7th, 7th, 2nd, 9th, 2nd, 2nd, 3rd. 9th, the floor I lived on my last year in Chicago, was definitely my favorite. So much to look at! Metra tracks, skyline, lake. 9th is a good floor.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:38 PM
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Huh, I used to live a block from the north end of that, over a nice old steakhouse. (Morans, if you're ever looking for steak in the neighborhood.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:38 PM
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91: I could watch a scripted non-faux-reality show on this topic and really enjoy it but I couldn't watch the scripted faux-reality show. The latter, with its on-camera-off-camera aspect, creates too many opportunities for the humor of anguish inflicted on "real" people for me to find it funny. I know, I know, I'm a freak. Anyway, I would totally watch the former.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:38 PM
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I lived on the 10th floor of a building that was on some of the highest land in its general neighborhood for a year and a half. It was also the first year and a half of my life that I hadn't lived in the mountains. I was stunned at how the horizon just went and went and went. I loved it. I had zero fear of burning to death because it was a dorm and I somehow doubted a building made of concrete slabs would light up that quickly.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:42 PM
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Top floor of a three-floor brownstone is very nice for me; we've got access to the tar beach roof, too, which is a nice place to drink Budweiser.

We snuck up on the High Line during that all-night walk last winter. Cold. And I was a scaredy-cat about getting caught, since we had to walk past what looked like a security guard sitting in his car (but was really just a shiftworker waiting to start work).


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:43 PM
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The first time I ever spent any considerable amount of time in a tall building was my first real job. I was only on the 11th floor and that didn't really bother me. But, sometimes I'd go up to the higher floors (it was 40ish story building) and I'd always be unnerved by the slight trembling in the building. But, I really prefer to be closer to the ground.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:44 PM
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My grandparents used to live up near the top (28th? something like that) of the Red Road flats,* but I've never lived any higher than the third floor of a tennement [the Glasgow equivalent of a brownstone].

* at one time the tallest residential buildings in Europe, and formerly fairly notorious as a haven for junkies and criminals.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Road_(flats)


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:50 PM
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You should do US-64 series

This is a good idea, but it would require a bit more time than I have available on a typical weekend. I have been intending to take some pictures of 64 going through Farmington, Bloomfield, and maybe Kirtland/Fruitland.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:51 PM
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Is Kirtland/Fruitland still predominantly Mormon?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 12:58 PM
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Hey, I think there is a Molly Ivins quote somewhere below that once you've gotten used to the vast exxpanses of the Great Plains a Walmart parking lot, everything else feels like a cage.

Within a 10 minute drive, I can walk the dogs in a straight line on grass(es) for five miles without fences, buildings, concrete or asphalt. Or I could before it reached 100 degrees.

83 with an 86 heat index last night at 2 AM. Fuck me.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:04 PM
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I should stop expressing amazement at the people and events in AWB's life. Clearly I am just sheltered.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:06 PM
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I don't love tall buildings to begin with, although I've worked in one for a long time. The few evacuations I've been part of were orderly, but immensely unnerving nonetheless.

Especially the one that ended with several dozen people pressed up against an iron gate to the street. Fresh air could blow in, we coudn't get out. The people on the street couldn't help us, either. Eventually we had to go back up the stairway for a flight or two and traipse around to the other side of the building.

I wrote an enraged letter to building management about their liability in the event of a fire. Apparently the gate was kept padlocked because homeless people would sleep in the doorway or leave bicycles there otherwise. It was "policy" that the security guard would come and unlock it during daylight business hours. No explanation for what happened if the security guard had an attack of human fallibility and forgot, or what would happen if the building had to be evacuated after hours.

In general I'm less scared of violent crime and more scared of structural, property, or natural-disaster disasters. I might die if my house caught on fire in the middle of the night, but I have a fighting chance. At the office... I don't spend a lot of energy thinking about something I can't change.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:11 PM
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Is Kirtland/Fruitland still predominantly Mormon?

And how. I really should take some pictures of that area one of these weeks.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:13 PM
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I think there is a Molly Ivins quote somewhere

Yep:

Good Lord, Lubbock, Texas. Well, about 88.3 percent of the world thee is sky, and if you are used to that, it feels like freedom and everywhere else feels like jail.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:14 PM
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tall buildings

The people in charge of the elevators are never on the upper floors, so are unaffected by how broken the controllers are. My office building locks stairway doors from the inside after "working hours". I have opened the door for a distraught and screaming colleague pounding from the stairway side at 6:30.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 1:50 PM
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and formerly fairly notorious as a haven for junkies and criminals.

So they finally evicted your grandparents, did they?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 2:07 PM
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re: 130

People have been lost/trapped in the stacks where I work. Some of the floors have no exits [as they are half floors like in Being John Malkovich] and when doors get locked, etc I'd imagine it's fairly easy to get turned around inside.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:15 PM
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People have been lost/trapped in the stacks where I work.

Well, at least you have something to read while you wait for the rescue party.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:22 PM
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If they leave the lights on after they lock the doors.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:24 PM
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I got locked in the locker room in 6th grade on a Friday afternoon. The only windows were those little vents near the ceiling, and I got out by climbing to them from a wall of a bathroom stall, and then on the other side there was a water fountain to help me get down.

It was totally the gym teacher's fault. I needed to get into my locker. She let me in and left, assuring me that the doors are only locked from the outside.

I definitely thought I'd be spending the weekend there for a little bit, but then I was proud of myself for getting out, and a little embarrassed about the whole thing, and so I didn't tell anyone for a long time.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:40 PM
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I got stuck in an elevator between floors christmas eve day once. With my mom. Mercifully, someone was working in the building, opened the main doors so we were able to climb out. Yikes.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:48 PM
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I don't use elevators much, and I've never been phobic about them. But a couple weeks ago I got on one and remembered that video of the guy who was stuck in one for, what, 40+ hours? Brief phobic feelings, I tell you what.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 3:51 PM
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When I was in a dorm my freshman year, a guy on my floor got trapped between floors about 7:00ish one Sunday morning. He was strong enough to rip the doors open. The elevator was only for the even numbered floors, so he couldn't climb up to get out. He jumped down and fell backwards. Fortunately, we were on 2, so he didn't fall that far, but, except for a visit to the hospital, I don't think I saw the guy again.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 4:04 PM
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So they finally evicted your grandparents, did they?

"Has anyone seen a pair of brown loafers?"

My dad loved that joke. A little too much.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 4:35 PM
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Once, when the power went out, I got stuck on an escalator for four hours.


Posted by: pain perdu | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 5:10 PM
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You should sue for emotional pain.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 5:44 PM
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A few years ago I was stuck in an elevator with a cute undergrad for a few hours. I think you're meant to resort to panic-sex in those situations, but for some reason the mood wasn't right. Also, cameras and stuff.


Posted by: Nakku | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 5:58 PM
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Excuses, excuses.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:03 PM
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||

I just found out I don't have to be at work until 12:30 tomorrow. Woohoo!

|>


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:08 PM
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||

And I just found out that the schedule's changed again and I have to be in at 8:30. Damn.

|>


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 6:45 PM
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Hell, for a minute there I thought you all were talking about power outages. The power went out here last night around 5-ish -- major, major thunderstorm, horizontal rain, numerous trees coming down, such that you could hear the crashing sounds.

The power was restored at something like 7 am; over 12 hours. It's truly pathetic when you don't find this calming, but rather find yourself fussing over it. How will I get up in time in the morning? How shall I make dinner?

Two of the older trees in the neighborhood came down, 3+ feet in diameter trees. Dang. A couple of cars smashed as a result, roads closed, chainsaws ripping in the early morning. The neighborhood was rather jolly by then, actually.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:28 PM
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Two of the older trees in the neighborhood came down, 3+ feet in diameter trees. Dang.

Double Dang.

A couple of cars smashed as a result, roads closed, chainsaws ripping in the early morning. The neighborhood was rather jolly by then, actually.

We had one of those storms 5-6 years ago. There was something jolly about walking around in the sunny morning surveying the damage.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:48 PM
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Double Dang.

But now you can see exactly how old those trees were!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:53 PM
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Ha, and actually just after I posted that there was loud boom -- transformer? -- and lost power again. My roommate and I both shouted "Shit!"

I should really fetch the hurricane lamp from the basement, and get some oil for it. And a lighter.

But yes, as I drove into the city this morning, it was obvious that the storm had not been so severe there. Meh, just dinky little branches on the ground. While I'm certainly not living in old-growth forest, there are older trees around, an older reservoir nearby, and things do seem to crash much more dramatically.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 7:58 PM
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I think it was the same storm that resulted in the rather tragic loss of hundreds of 100+ year old trees in our magnificent Allegheny Cemetery.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:10 PM
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150: You mean the one 5-6 years ago?

Did you guys get much in your area from the hurricane a few years back -- was it Isabel? Maybe that's what you're referring to. (The thing here last night was pretty wild, but lasted only about an hour.)

I had friends on the Chesapeake Bay who underwent the incredible flooding there during Isabel. Astonishing: boats lifted up out of the water and moved 100 yards inland. Houses buried up to the second floor in water and sludge. The boat yards were to marvel at; the houses, not so much, pretty depressing.

I am a fan of the wind, nonetheless.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:19 PM
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I don't know about your end of town, but around here, we lose power quite a bit. It's never been out for more than 8 hours or so, but in the past year we've had at least a 1/2 dozen outages of an hour or more. And every time there is lightening, I have to reset all the clocks. What really makes it annoying is that the houses across the street never lose power.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:20 PM
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I don't know about your end of town

Do you live in the Baltimore area?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:24 PM
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No, Pittsburgh. 152 to 150.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-10-09 8:26 PM
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As a freshman I was stuck in a dorm elevator for a couple of hours, between floors, with nine of my friends. We had a good time, actually, though it was a holiday weekend and very few folks around so eventually it got sort of scary that no one was answering the alarm or our collective pleas for help even after we got the doors partly open. One of the friends was this mind-bendingly studly guy who was one of our more casual acquaintances and with whom I'd enjoyed mad mutual flirtation all evening that continued in the elevator, lots of pleasantly unnecessary physicality and sidelong glances and more chattiness in a couple of hours than he'd exhibited all year. One of his closer peers was among the crowd that formed while we were rescued, though, so when we at long last got out of the elevator he was all monosyllables and hands-in-pockets and I never had a chance to pursue it further.

I think about that every time I have to take a long elevator ride. The whole thing utterly failed to make me bothered by elevators, though. The memory is actually rather nice.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 7:01 AM
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152: No. In fact, I've heard complaints from others that "the power goes out all the time in Pittsburgh," but we hardly ever lose power. Maybe a half dozen times a year we get a quick loss that gets the clocks, but power loss that actually takes time to come back on, maybe every couple years. Whereas, when I lived in Miami, it was the norm - probably a couple times a week, all summer long.

151: We've had heavy rains from hurricanes a couple times in the last few years, but the tree-breaking storm was a "microburst," which is apparently similar in intensity to a tornado but without the funnel. It actually collapsed a structure at the local (nat'l historic landmark) amusement park and killed a woman. 2002, as it turns out.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 7:16 AM
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155 sounds like the makings of a really romantic (ok, hot) short story. Cloistered, intense, constrained, under the gaze of others....hubba hubba. Write it!


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 7:21 AM
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152: No. In fact, I've heard complaints from others that "the power goes out all the time in Pittsburgh," but we hardly ever lose power.

Well, he did admit that "around here" doesn't even include the other side of his street. Maybe it's just one house!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 7:51 AM
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But a couple weeks ago I got on one and remembered that video of the guy who was stuck in one for, what, 40+ hours?
Ever since I read that article, I've taken the stairs when leaving work on Fridays.


Posted by: the Other Paul | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 8:14 AM
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The tree guys are removing one of the two large trees in our front yard right now. It is a maple that grows quickly, so it probably isn't as old as it looks, but it is still a little sad.

The tree had several major dead limbs, and the three guys said its roots were probably entangled with the tree next to it, so the best thing to do would be to remove the weaker tree. Tree euthanasia. Also, there are phone lines right near by.

These dudes are really blasé about being right next to large falling logs.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 9:21 AM
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155 sounds like the makings of a really romantic (ok, hot) short story. Cloistered, intense, constrained, under the gaze of others....hubba hubba. Write it!

We could have a McManlyPants slash fiction contest!

Of course, all entries must end with the line, "Fuck you, clown!".


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 10:12 AM
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160: A silver maple I might guess (or maybe a red). One of the least appropriate trees for yards and yet one of the most planted.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 10:18 AM
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What makes something an "appropriate tree for yards"?


Posted by: Celerino Sanchez | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 10:18 AM
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Answer with a negative: Silver maples grow too fast, are weak and shed branches, often have multiple split trunks, break in windstorms and have root systems near the surface that spread out over a wide area and crack sidewalks etc.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 10:28 AM
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158: No, it isn't just us. It's a good 3 or 4 city blocks that usually go out. We just happen to be at the edge.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 5:13 PM
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Of course, all entries must end with the line, "Fuck you, clown on my knees!"

Of course.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 7:18 PM
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MH has neglected to mention that he lives in the toy neighborhood that comes with a model train set.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 06-11-09 8:01 PM
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