Re: The Dressing Room As It Was

1

a subject fairly remote from that of the electric mix of cosmetics and libido

You'd be surprised.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:34 PM
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Philo of Alexandria was all about the cold cream.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:36 PM
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I have smelled what foundation and cold cream smells like spread over the faces of horny Drama Club teens in tight quarters backstage.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:37 PM
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The rivalry between Hillel and Shammai was a product of sublimated lust.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:39 PM
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Attack ships on fire off the shoals of the cosmetics counter at J.C. Penny...


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:40 PM
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It is for some reason hard for me to read the post without parsing "quarters" as some juvenile sort of sexy pants.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:40 PM
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I love it when you push my secret DFW button, Standpipe. Also, that smell! I am also haunted by smells.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:41 PM
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Uh, 7 should be on your blog. But now this is your blog. So.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:42 PM
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But only Hillel could apply the foundation while standing on one foot.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:43 PM
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5: Nice. My first thought was "Howl".

6 is awesome.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:45 PM
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It is for some reason hard for me to read the post without parsing "quarters" as some juvenile sort of sexy pants.

It took me a moment to get your meaning, since I read the last bit as "parsing 'quarters' as [I would parse] some juvenile sort of sexy pants." How do you typically parse juvenile sexy pants?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:48 PM
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Also, that smell! I am also haunted by smells.

It always surprises me, how effectively they can rouse dormant memories. For instance: That entrance I totally missed! Crap. I was probably off flirting somewhere.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:58 PM
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That sounds like a book, if not a scent, that I'd enjoy.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:58 PM
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14

Smells and earrings.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 8:58 PM
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The book. The scent is a special order.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:02 PM
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If only it smelled like kugel! Mmm. Kugel.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:03 PM
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Ells and smearings really take me back to my days on the stage crew too...experimenting with makeup...using archaic measurements and terminology to pretend that we weren't doing mind-numbing carpentry...


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:03 PM
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Rats, 16 got there first.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:04 PM
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horny Drama Club teens in tight quarters backstage.

Fifty bucks says there's a porn site in existence right now that caters to this fetish.

Who's brave enough to take the Prude Filter off their Google and confirm? Not I, but surely, surely one among You.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:05 PM
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You know what smells better than kugel? A whole mass of kugel.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:06 PM
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The smell of unwashed Goodwill clothing also takes me back. I was the costumer for all the plays I wasn't in, which mostly meant hanging out in the boys' dressing room and studiously measuring inseams. God, I was such a virgin.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:06 PM
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19: I tried and ended up here. Needed to lie down indeed.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:10 PM
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Noodle kugel is better than potato kugel: discuss.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:10 PM
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23: Lies! They're both good, but potato is better.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:12 PM
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I was one of the people working on the stage crew for the 8th grade school play. I have no memory of the smells. But I do remember that one of the lead actresses had an amazing singing voice, which I never would have guessed from her conversation voice.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:13 PM
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God, I was such a virgin.

Which reminds me of an aphorism posted in the computer lab. "C++ is like teenage sex. Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it; hardly anyone is actually doing it; and the ones that are, are doing it badly."

I liked this a lot, because God, I was such a virgin.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:14 PM
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electric mix of cosmetics and libido

-- and the way she looked from the audience during her scene, at dress rehearsal, when I went out to watch --

-- and the way she looked backstage halfway through the first act at opening night, after an hour under the lights --

Um. Yeah. Hey, if anyone finds that site DS mentioned, post a link?


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:15 PM
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28

Widget, I suggest sending away for books on biblical hermeneutics. You never know!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:18 PM
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29

Herbical bimleneutics is cosmic, man.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:20 PM
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The only picture of me (that I know of) in my underwear is from a backstage dance party in the dressing room. I was 15, and still thought of myself as an ugly duckling, since nobody would date me. But I see that picture now and think, look at you, you hot little number in the leopard-print bra! I guess it's technically child porn now, though, right?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:22 PM
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31

Also.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:22 PM
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Sadly, although the incident to which I refer was certainly a religious experience, it did not lead to my acquiring any biblical knowledge.


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:25 PM
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28: Widget, I suggest sending away for books on biblical hermeneutics.

Is Kugel's following book acceptable or do I have to have the whole set?

max
['Always the bridesmaid...']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:25 PM
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31: I missed out. With us it was all strip-poker, backrubs, and Serious Conversations. In college, it upgraded to lots and lots of making out and drugs. Still no fucking though.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:27 PM
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I managed to do theater in college with none of the things AWB mentions in 34. God, I was such a virgin.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:29 PM
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36

How did you make it out of doing theater without Serious Conversations?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:32 PM
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Is Kugel's following book acceptable

I admit, I haven't smelled it.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:32 PM
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38

Incredible shyness!


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:32 PM
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38 to 36, but, you know, give 37 a whirl, too.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:33 PM
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40

Actually, that's not true. I have smelled it. I've developed a habit of sniffing books, on the theory it might help me tell those with acidic paper from those with acid-free. It's disheartening to see so many ante-sniffuvian trade paperbacks turning brown.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:38 PM
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I used to be a dirty book-sniffer until I worked in a special collection of 16-18th-century books and got rather sick on the stuff. When I die they will find my lungs coated in fine layers of book.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:43 PM
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40: It's disheartening to see so many ante-sniffuvian trade paperbacks turning brown.

It is sad, isn't it? The paper is all crumbly... and the prices so low!

Also: you just became Standpipe Booksniffer.

max
['My copy smells like smoke, oddly enough.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:48 PM
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Books that have mellowed in my parents' basement have a soothing and benevolent mustiness about them. When I was young, there was something of the sacred and intimate about taking one of their old high school or college books down from the shelf and leafing through it in badly-lit solitude.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:54 PM
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44

Is the Mineshaft overrepresented (as compared to the general public) by people who did Drama (either acting or crew) in high school and/or college? I'm not sure if this says anything, but I find it interesting something.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 9:59 PM
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45

Certainly seems like it. Not really a surprise either, I'd say.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:02 PM
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46

I never found out how I ended up on the stage crew. I never signed up or expressed an interest in it. I'm pretty sure this was true of one of my friends on the crew, too. It seems they picked our names out of some list somewhere.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:05 PM
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Old paperbacks are always redolent of sex for me, from paging through my parents books looking for the dirty parts.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:06 PM
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48

I never found out how I ended up on the stage crew.

Dear Penthouse Forum...


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:06 PM
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49

I did some poor acting in elementary school, but otherwise have not had anything to do with theater.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:07 PM
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I'm with 45, given that the population here is roughly selected for (1) verbal aptitude, (2) taste for acting out under an adopted persona, and (3) frequent detours into off-color humor.


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:10 PM
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49: My high school was very homogeneous: very white, very middle-class with some upper-middle-class folks. But mostly: white, white, white. As a result, social grouping ended up falling out not by race or class, but along a single generalized divide: the Preps and the Freaks. And the Freaks did, or were friend everyone who did, Drama stuff.

High school was weird.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:11 PM
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"were friend" s/b "were friends with everyone"

Stop trying to make salsa and comment at the same time, me.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:13 PM
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Old paperbacks are always redolent of sex for me, from paging through my parents books looking for the dirty parts.

I hope your parents didn't have many William F. Buckley novels lying around.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:13 PM
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54

Buckley wrote paperbacks?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:14 PM
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As a result, social grouping ended up falling out not by race or class, but along a single generalized divide: the Preps and the Freaks. And the Freaks did, or were friend[s with] everyone who did, Drama stuff.

Interesting. The divide among the white kids at my high school was similar: drama kids on one side, and on the other a sort of generalized middle-class prep/jock/etc. group. I was in the latter. Relations between the two groups were somewhat tense but not uniformly hostile.

Of course, white kids as a whole were only about a fifth of the student population.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:20 PM
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||
Two things I learned today:

1 (also to 49.2): The heart of whitebread whiteness in America is located in Frankenmuth, Michigan. (From the picture you might fear that the displays (the linked picture show just one of many) at Bronner's CHRISTmas Wonderland were tacky, but a very smooth rendition of "Little Drummer Boy" was playing in the background so it was OK.)

2: There is a Felch Street in Ann Arbor. (But I am pissed that I was too slow to get a picture of the sign which alerted me to its existence: "Road Work Ahead. Felch". A bit startling.)
|>


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:24 PM
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At my high school, it's true, we also had freaks and jocks!

Every once in a while I get a smell like elementary school cafeteria smell and my insides feel very small and wary and hungry for chalupas.

It most often happens when I need to be in an elementary school cafeteria.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:28 PM
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58

I totally did drama club. I was always a chorus girl of some variety. thus, I can do the charleston very well.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:33 PM
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I never tried out for drama -- one of many regrets -- but, oddly enough, can do the charleston very well myself.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:45 PM
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60

Bizarrely, I was given a solo in Godspell in h.s. Clearly they were completely, utterly desperate, because I can't sing for shit. Anyway, stage crew was always way more fun than performing.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:46 PM
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holla, text, it occurs to me that you and I should meet up and do the charleston together seomtime, lol.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:46 PM
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I just remembered that I did once try to sign up for a theater class in college because I thought it might be a good way to help my public speaking, which was really bad from a nervousness standpoint, and still isn't something I'm used to. But it was full and I did something else.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:47 PM
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63

I've never done any theater nor had any desire to do any.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:50 PM
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64

But that was probably pretty obvious.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:50 PM
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63: Not really a surprise either, I'd say.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:51 PM
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66

Goddammit.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:51 PM
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67

nonsense, teo, you could have been back there painting the scenery in a meticulous way. there's room for the shy in the world of hs drama.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:53 PM
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68

holla yerself! I'd love to try, but afraid I'd step on your rosey toes.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:53 PM
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69

Indeed, I could have done that. But why would I have?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:54 PM
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69: I dunno. It's like an automatic 60+ friends/friendly people, and you get to wield power tools while quietly making fun of everyone else in the whole world. At least, that's what I gathered on my co-intel missions.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:58 PM
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71

Come to think of it, I'd bet Sifu did stage crew. He seems the type.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 10:59 PM
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72

None of those things sounds particularly enticing.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 11:01 PM
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When I was on stage crew I spent two months in a garage with four other guys building things out of wood. Maybe if I hadn't quit just before the actual performance I would have met some of the drama kids.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 11:02 PM
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I was in drama, and in band, and on the track team. Not that I had any interest in any of those things, but I knew that infiltrating diverse school communities was the way to get elected "easiest to get along with". A masterfully Machiavellian scheme, don't you think?


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-15-09 11:08 PM
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75

Stage lighting. Fun, now that I think of it. Huge levers to push and pull. Now it's all done with computers, I guess.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:17 AM
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Our high school drama teacher asked me to try out for his 'amateur'* dramatics group, so I did that for a year or so when I was 14 or 15. I found this recently:

http://tinyurl.com/damnamdram

[I'm in there somewhere]

As a result I was repeatedly asked to be in school productions -- which were usually a fairly big deal in terms of their scale -- but always refused as they were always musicals and I can't sing for shit. However, I did do backstage work for them, and yes, I remember lots of semi-naked people in close quarters, and some good parties.

* they were all amateurs, but it was fairly serious stuff, with entry into national competitions, tours, and so on.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:18 AM
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re: 75

When I did backstage work in 1987/88 at our high school it was computer controlled even then. There was a small desk which you could work manually but which could also record and playback sequences.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:19 AM
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I confess I've missed the DFW tie-in, perhaps because I've never even read DFW. (But I do own a TV.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:26 AM
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79

I see the local paper recently did a profile of the drama teacher at my middle school.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:47 AM
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80

why have you all gone to sleep, you bastards? wake up and entertain me.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:05 AM
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81

Good night, alameida.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:20 AM
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63: Poseur. I'm kicking you out of this thread.

I've never actually done any theater (since probably the second grade) but I think my acting ability suddenly improved a lot right around high school, which is when I left school. I'd've probably ended up in drama eventually.

I dated someone into drama for awhile, and it sort of inspired me to try finding some community college or something where I can try out. I wouldn't be interested in stage crew, though. Too much creativity for me.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:21 AM
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80: I was just taking a nap! Geez.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:22 AM
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84

6 out of 14 of the posters listed on the main page are no longer here. That's nearly half. Someone quit to make it even.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:25 AM
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85

don't make me paranoid, you android.
hey something awesome happened, I found 4 huge framed old acupuncture charts at the salvation army. one has a cutaway diagram of the taint! they are so great that I don't even want to sell them. well, maybe I will keep 2 and sell 2.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:58 AM
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I also just got up on top of a ladder and lifted down some inappropriately heavy chairs without dropping them or hurting myself, so, you know, yay me.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:00 AM
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For a few months one time I lived in a house where my bedroom, on the second floor, had a window opening out to part of the roof. That was pretty cool; I miss it. Even though you couldn't get to the second story roof that way.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:03 AM
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88

How's that flan coming?


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:06 AM
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I haven't come through on the flan yet, the girls are complaining bitterly. the mysteries of manga are many. who will the girl choose? the wussy guy? the wussier guy? or that guy who is so wussy you didn't realize he was meant to be male until like the third volume?


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:25 AM
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I accidentally got an anime series (Sukisho) that I discovered was, I think, yuri. (There was no indication of that in the description.) In the first scene, an apparently female character pines over a guy sleeping in the same room, actually sitting down on top of him, her face drawn close to his. Now, in yuri, often one of the males looks extremely effeminate and speaks with a high voice, and I soon discovered that the first character was indeed male. That reversal of expectations was quite creepy considering the first scene. Later came the cross-dressing.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:34 AM
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Smells and tastes are much more evocative of memories because of our origins as tiny shrews in the late Mesozoic, running around by night and sniffing for things to eat while trying to avoid being eaten by dinosaurs. True.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:01 AM
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6 out of 14 of the posters listed on the main page are no longer here.

5 of 13. But Meekins isn't listed, so.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:19 AM
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WMYBSALB, apo?

Huh, I never noticed Meekins. I'm pretty sure I was reading the blog at the time.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:30 AM
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94

Word of the day: "titivate".


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:39 AM
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Meekins made one (two?) posts, then never returned. Arrived the same time as the last batch of posters.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:49 AM
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Yeah, I remember some of the posts on the archive pages containing his posts. Just didn't notice his name I guess. I probably wasn't reading many of the threads at the time.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:51 AM
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good ol' meekins. morning apo. I'm knocking off work early at 7pm to go home to the bosom of my family.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 4:55 AM
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98

I didn't do no stage-whatever in high school. All the work, none of the adulation? Not for me.

I hung out with the kids that did, though. And wish I had picked up some of their skills. Useful!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:13 AM
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99

Also someday Meekins will return, in a great jet of purifying fire.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:14 AM
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Good morning, alameida. I assumed you were the bosom of your family.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:17 AM
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99: And he will bring cargo.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:17 AM
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101: Cargo pants, not cargo.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:47 AM
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103

Is that cargo in your pants or are you just a blogger?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 5:53 AM
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104

It's more difficult than I had hoped it would be to find a picture of cargo pants with an old-timey butt flap.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 6:06 AM
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105

I had a beloved pair of cargo pants in HS that I wore until the ass had completely worn through. My solution was to wear college boxers (over tighty-whiteys!) with them.

Why no, I didn't date much in HS. Why do you ask?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:22 AM
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106

A whole mass of kugel.

They say that Paris is worth a whole mass of kugel.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:25 AM
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107

Never did drama except for a skit in the Senior Show. My one flash of school spirit I guess, but I did it mostly because it seemed easy. Be loud and move around. It is impossible to be too big of a ham.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:28 AM
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108

Road Work Ahead. Felch

Worst. Travel Game. Ever.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:30 AM
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105: I had a pair of army pants that I would have worn until they wore out, but the damn things were indesctructible. I wore them for several years after sitting in a pool of epoxy -- somewhat stiffer in the ass, but still perfectly serviceable -- and for several additional years after the zipper broke irrevocably and all the buttons came off. Don't tell Blume, but I may still have them somewhere.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:32 AM
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110

I didn't know any of the drama kids in HS, but hung out with a ton of them at college. I did fool around with one, but it was mostly missed (and/or undesired) opportunities.

BOGF's roommate was an actress with a pretty face, striking curly red hair, and by far the most stunning body of anyone I've seen in a nightgown. Heck of an actor, too, but she had only one brush with success, alas.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:37 AM
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111

Don't tell Blume, but I may still have them somewhere.

I had a garment or two in that category. I think that, after 8 years of marriage/being in this house, they're gone now.

Actually, the jacket I wore throughout college persisted long after it was hopelessly raggedy. But the first time I ever put it on, it just hung on me like like a security blanket, and I was loathe to give it up.

Last one: I had a pair of shoes that I wore relentlessly from before 8th grade through the summer after 11th. They were in terrible condition (flopping sole and all), but I loved them. My mom finally made me replace them, leading me to realize that they'd actually been terribly uncomfortable, but I'd simply gotten used to it. Oh.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:42 AM
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112

I did middle-school and a year of high-school drama but quit because my dad thought it might make me gay. God I was such a virgin.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 8:19 AM
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112: Did you shoot yourself right after your star turn as Puck?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 8:20 AM
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I was in the drama club in high school, but people always seem to assume it meant more than it did. I was in it for two years. There was only one play a year. (Maybe more than one production of a given play, one for the school audience itself and another for the regional competition or something, but only one set of lines to learn and costumes to scrounge up and stuff.) The people in the drama club were not, as far as I could tell, any hornier than those in the general student population, I didn't join for that reason specifically and it certainly didn't result in anything like that. Which is actually kind of odd, since I've had friends and girlfriends who were into that artsy, creative, sort of cosplay set of interests, but not myself. Too self-conscious, maybe, and/or I take myself too seriously.

In my school the cliques existed, but weren't well delineated or very exclusive. No room for that in a graduating class of 25.

112: And he was right!


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 8:38 AM
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I was a big drama jock. They picked My Fair Lady as the school play my senior year because the director wanted to star me, but my singing voice was lousy. They also tasked me with putting together some kind of original work to celebrate our township's quincentenary, and the resulting work borrowed heavily from a performance art piece that had been staged by students in my summer theatre class at Northwestern. Heavily, borrowed heavily.

I wouldn't call it a fuckfest, but there was lots of if you'll pardon the expression drama.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 8:50 AM
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They picked My Fair Lady as the school play my senior year because the director wanted to star me

Some fruit is just too damn low to even pick.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:23 AM
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And here I was all focused on the use of "star" and "task" as verbs. I figured k-sky was writing a scr-nplay that took place in an o-fice or s-mething.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:26 AM
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scr-nplay that took place in an o-fice

The whole thing doesn't take place in an orifice -- there's also that nice conversation between the pizza delivery guy and the housewife with no pants.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:34 AM
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Did you shoot yourself right after your star turn as Puck?

I'll reveal more of my ongoing lack of literary cred by admitting: on the first take, I read this comment as a Real World reference and was quite confused.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:38 AM
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I'll reveal more of my ongoing lack of literary cred

Literary cred? Your Robin Williams-scholarship cred, I guess, but that's worth rather less.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:40 AM
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While walking my dog one day in Chicago, I met another lady walking her dog, Puck. I said -- having heard it on the radio that morning -- "Oh! Today is Shakespeare's birthday!" And she looked at me as if the conversation had gone, "This is my dog, Rover" and I replied, "In England everyone only has one spoon."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:44 AM
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121: Perhaps her dog was named for that annoying bike messenger guy from one of the seasons of The Real World from when I was in high school?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:46 AM
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Maybe she just liked hitting her dog with a hockey stick.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:52 AM
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"No, you misheard me. I said his name is 'fuck'."


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 9:52 AM
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Wait, quincentenary?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:01 AM
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I replied, "In England everyone only has one spoon."

Yay.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:04 AM
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125: Either he really meant sesquicentennial (150-year anniversary), or he's not on one of the American continents would be my first guesses.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:05 AM
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Slept later than you thought, teo?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:06 AM
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re: 126

Until the Blair government of 1997, which mandated their replacement with the New Spoon, which turned out to be a spork.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:08 AM
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And if you lose that spoon, you have to starve to death. It's true.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:10 AM
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Lots of puzzling things about quincentennials.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:11 AM
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Slept later than you thought, teo?

Eh?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:13 AM
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130: no, it's worse than that. Not one spoon each. One spoon between the lot of us. It's eighty feet wide and weighs approximately thirty tons. The population gathers around its rim thirstily like wildebeeste around a water hole. Government bureaucrats decide on what sort of soup we have each day.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:15 AM
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Aye, well they call it soup, but some of us have seen the pipe coming out the back of the Goldman Sachs lavvy.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:17 AM
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132: As if you'd slept long enough for quincentenary to be true.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:19 AM
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Ah.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:20 AM
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77: When I did backstage work in 1987/88

I'm thinking of more than 25 years earlier. The lighting sequences were on paper and cued to lines or actions in the play, and there was no communication between the people pointing spots from the booth and the people running the panel. Not exactly Broadway or even off-Broadway.

However, there were compensations, such as the French exchange student actually named "Colette" who said she couldn't wear less than 3 inch heels because her tendons had shortened to accomodate them.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:25 AM
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Fifty bucks says there's a porn site in existence right now that caters to this fetish.

I know all the "barely legal" porn out there has nothing to do with the real adolescent experience of sexuality. But what if there was porn out there that did capture it: the terror, the confusion, the acne? The strange combination of intimacy and inability to communicate? The exhilaration and self loathing? The clumsiness and stamina?

Would anyone watch it? Who? Would it lead to suicides? Addition?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:37 AM
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Addition?

In some ways, math is at the heart of everything we do.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:38 AM
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Who's brave enough to take the Prude Filter off their Google and confirm?

Fifty bucks says someone here already had it bookmarked.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:40 AM
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In some ways, math is at the heart of everything we do.

As has been noted.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:42 AM
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Addiction


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:47 AM
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Would anyone watch it?

It would be hugely popular.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 10:48 AM
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I guess it wasn't a quincentenary. More of a tricentenary.

Sorry about all the v-rbing. I try to avoid that usu.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 11:00 AM
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143: Popular as porn or popular as embarassing spectacle?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 11:03 AM
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It would be taken off the air after six episodes, but it would be loved by critics and the full first season would sell briskly.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 11:05 AM
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They took it off the air because Cindy farted.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 11:08 AM
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90: I believe you're confusing "yuri" with "yaoi".


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 11:11 AM
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138
But what if there was porn out there that did capture it: the terror, the confusion, the acne? The strange combination of intimacy and inability to communicate? The exhilaration and self loathing? The clumsiness and stamina?

Would anyone watch it? Who?

Except for the acne and stamina you're describing BDSM with some light exhibitionism, and there's plenty of audience for that. "Inability to communicate" made me think of ball gags.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:05 PM
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Would anyone watch it?

Isn't there a network called "the CW" already?

I couldn't take drama for credit because it conflicted with band (my school prevented the formation of an artistic super-clique or a single artistic superstar by scheduling every arts/performance class for the same class period) but I was in the spring musical every time and occasionally I'd get permission to skip band to perform some specific role in a drama class exercise. Every role fell into the category of Slapstick Nerd or Lascivious Old Man. I wasn't exactly on the road to the Tonies but I had an absolute blast and made some great friends. It also, of course, turned out to be the white-hot center of repressed homosexuality. Lots of uncomfortable pauses after being caught staring at one another, lots of volunteering to be packed into tiny cabanas to provide the invisible backing chorus, zero actual action.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:14 PM
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the white-hot center of repressed homosexuality

Eventually replaced by the Republican National Committee.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:17 PM
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Eventually replaced by the Republican National Committee.

"The RNC: We cruise a better class of bathroom."


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:19 PM
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No wonder they want such a small tent.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:21 PM
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No wonder they want pitch such a small tent.

Fixed.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:23 PM
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How many licks does it take to get to the white-hot center of repressed homosexuality?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:27 PM
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155: Well, I'm sure I wouldn't know!


Posted by: Sen. Lindsay Graham | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:33 PM
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GODDAMMIT! EASY WITH THE BEAK THERE YOU STUPID F&*KING OWL!!!!


Posted by: OPINIONATED REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:33 PM
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Why, ah would purse mah lips further, were that at all possible.


Posted by: Sen. M/tch McConnell | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:34 PM
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i like white hot center


Posted by: Rep. Mark Foley (ret.) | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:35 PM
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Should we start talking about The Thread That Must Not Be Named over here then?


Posted by: Yawnoc | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:43 PM
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For the record, 158 wasn't me.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:44 PM
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160: No.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:45 PM
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If you're still around, ari, how did the promotion interview thing go?

Did anyone (that you know of) take photos?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 12:46 PM
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163: Um, I submitted my packet, talked to the people who needed talking to, and now I have to wait to hear. Because everything in the academy -- job interviews, the publishing calendar, internal personnel matters -- proceeds in geologic time, I won't know the results for a very long time, probably not until April, May, or even June.

All of that said, I'm glad to be done with the paperwork, about which I'm always quite anxious (weird phobia). In the end, the case likely will hinge on the assessments of the external referees, who submit letters to the relevant departmental committee. Do I have lots of enemies in the profession? Not really, no, so maybe it'll all be fine.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:04 PM
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Resolved: Terry Moran is a jackass.

Although actually, I think this news may help Obama. I haven't seen it called his "Sister Souljah moment" yet, but I'm sure that's coming.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:08 PM
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probably not until April, May, or even June.

Damn. Best of luck.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:10 PM
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And where the hell did everyone go? I guess this is what happens when you take the tawdry out of Unfogged.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:11 PM
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Oh, there it is.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:12 PM
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Can we get a top post that's not archived?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:17 PM
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Best of luck.

Thanks. I'll try to remember to let you know if I hear any good news. You'll know if it's bad news, of course, because you'll have to step around the fetal ball curled up in the middle of the comments section.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:22 PM
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Some years ago, the fedora Bonar-Phelps trilby was involved in a dangerous episode involving blonde Nazis in lingerie, several car chases, a puppet show, an actual night of the living cheesecake and several, possibly shady, transactions involving stocks of large international investment banks. Also, there was a horrendous and dramatic domestic dispute and some kind of strange and really really spooky supernatural event. I even hear the trilby was posting to Unfogged at some point.

But I'm really not at liberty to discuss it, particularly since entire comment threads were faked to cover up the fact that the original comment threads had been deleted.

max
['wat?']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:24 PM
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Is this now the new thread about the thread today that was about the old thread that was deleted and may not be discussed?


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:32 PM
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Apparently it is big news when the president has an opinion about an event involving other black people, whether they are Harvard professors or rappers. This does not say good things about the American polity.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:33 PM
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172: No.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:33 PM
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173: Yep.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:36 PM
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Can we get a top post that's not archived?

Done.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:37 PM
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||

Remember the talk about taxes a few months back, and the problematic choice of tax attorneys? After the third letter from the state tax authorities, despite my attorney telling me he was dealing with it whenever I could get a hold of him, I called the state up to see what the deal is. They have no record of any correspondence on my account. At all. Motherfucker.

|>


Posted by: James K. Polk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:47 PM
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177: uuuugh. You might get to sue an attorney!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:50 PM
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It was your brother-in-law or something, right?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:52 PM
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I sat next to a legal malpractice attorney once on an airplane. Strange field.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:55 PM
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Airplanes?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:57 PM
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You know, those long metal tubes with wings that fly through the air.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 1:59 PM
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169: Can we get a top post that's not archived?

{sigh} Ya know, ya'll can just write a new post with the same title as the old post and the magic archive problem vaporizes.

max
['And then people will wonder what the hell I'm babbling on about... a concept I find totally awesome.']

p.s. DELETEME


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:00 PM
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183: Wat?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:07 PM
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(a) If you can't write posts at all because you're not a front page poster, you can't write posts with the same title as old posts.

(b) By "magic archive problem" do you mean "the fact that the thread is closed"? Because I doubt any of the people with posting privileges want to vaporize that "problem".

(c) Are you thinking of a different blog authoring system? Permalinks aren't keyed solely to the name of the post in Movable Type.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:07 PM
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(d) wat is ya'll?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:09 PM
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(e) CAN I GET A WAT WAT?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:10 PM
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I think what happened the last time was that the post with the permalink was turned into an empty post with a blank title for a few days to flush it out of the rss readers like google reader and bloglines.

I never got a chance to tell Sifu that I don't even own an Apple phone.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:10 PM
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That is, the post remained in those readers, but was turned into empty title/empty text when they updated.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:12 PM
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So did your classmate star in the school drama, the Pirates of Penance?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:13 PM
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188: you've just won a free apple iphone!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:13 PM
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183.last: Gunmen have been dispatched to your location and should be arriving momentarily.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:13 PM
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Wrong thread. Or is it?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:14 PM
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Oh, the "magic archive problem" is that the post and comments are still visible?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:14 PM
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I would like to express an interest in whatever anonymous information of a purely educational nature follows from 177. That's fucked up and I'd like to hear more about what happens in those cases - maybe not your case in specific, President Polk, but in general terms what options one has when one's legal representation has been so bad as to cause harm.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:16 PM
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I think Minivet just meant that he wanted a top post with comments open for posting.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:16 PM
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194, 195: That's what I thought max was referring to.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:18 PM
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It was your brother-in-law or something, right?

Something. Good friend's father-in-common-law. My anti-confrontational tendencies are rearing their ugly head. It's only a few grand in penalties, right?


Posted by: James K. Polk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:19 PM
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what options one has when one's legal representation has been so bad as to cause harm.

Here's one.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:19 PM
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I think Minivet just meant that he wanted a top post with comments open for posting.

Ditto.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:20 PM
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Is there a way to automatically ban anyone who starts a comment with "Sigh." ?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:20 PM
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Sigh.

No.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:24 PM
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I'll have to ban you artisanally, then.

Apostropher is banned!


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:27 PM
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Wait, so does 191 mean that Sifu is going to send me an iphone? Will it get here before my class that starts in 20 minutes?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:28 PM
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I always thought Minivet was a woman. No idea why.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:29 PM
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204: just sign up for this free trial offer.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:30 PM
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205: could be, could be.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:30 PM
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Mrs. Miniver, but Mr. Minivet.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:31 PM
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206: Please hold the line while I get credit card information.

[Leaves phone off the hook. Walks away.]


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:32 PM
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209: Canadians are so rude.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:36 PM
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195: Generically, options include --

1. Get a new lawyer to talk to the court (or the agency, in the case of tax authorities) and see if the harm can be undone (depends greatly on the circumstances). Doing this may also cause the bad lawyer to be disciplined by that court or agency without you having to do anything else.

2. Report the lawyer to the relevant state bar counsel, disciplinary committee, or similar enforcement agency, depending on the jurisdiction.

3. In extreme cases where a lot of money is involved, get a new lawyer and sue for malpractice. This will probably have to be a different lawyer from the one used for option (1) because malpractice cases are pretty specialized.

If you are observing that there are not any options here (except 199, I suppose) that do not involve convincing another lawyer to help you -- and that other lawyers might be difficult to convince to do that -- then your observation is an accurate and common criticism. Although telling the client one has taken care of things that one actually hasn't done anything about, especially if the result actually injures the client, is serious stuff. A disciplinary committee might very well actually do something about it.


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:39 PM
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Ned has it.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:51 PM
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177: Just to be safe - was the response you got from the state conclusive? Could there be kinds of interaction that don't leave records?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:53 PM
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212: I thought about it, and I think it's that when I see Mini I automatically think Minnie Mouse. This is a habit of thinking I should probably erase.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:58 PM
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211
If you are observing that there are not any options here... that do not involve convincing another lawyer to help you... then your observation is an accurate and common criticism.

Your second option ("Report the lawyer to the relevant state bar counsel, disciplinary committee, or similar enforcement agency") doesn't seem to. Polk will still be talking to lawyers, but theoretically he won't have to hire one to take his side, just google "[STATE] bar association" and call the phone number.

Of course, this might also be the weakest option, since even if it gets the lawyer punished it doesn't get Polk square with the state tax attorney. The bar association might care about fraud (?) by one of its members, but I can't imagine them requiring him to actually fix things.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 2:58 PM
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Just to be safe - was the response you got from the state conclusive? Could there be kinds of interaction that don't leave records?

Maybe? My lawyer claimed he contacted the state, they required a power of attorney form, and then that he sent in the power of attorney form along with his letter. The guy from the state said there was no record of any phone call or mailed correspondence relating to my account. I asked about a power of attorney form, and the guy from the state said that it would show up if they'd gotten it. The form was supposedly mailed three weeks ago now.


Posted by: James K. Polk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:00 PM
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215: I did say convincing to help, not hiring.

I've worked with one lawyer who was serving on a disciplinary committee in our jurisdiction at the time, and I think he took his job very seriously. But people outside the profession sometimes point out that you basically can't get any kind of (legal) relief against a lawyer without going to another member of the same guild, and it's a fair point.

Just thought of a fourth thing -- some jurisdictions do have ways to help clients who've been hurt without a malpractice suit, such as a fund administered by the bar association that reimburses people who've had money stolen from them by their lawyer. I don't know if that would extend to something like a missed deadline (probably not, I would guess).


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:12 PM
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I'm more or less prepared to write off all the penalties as a learning experience. Assuming this guy will have the sense not to try to send me a bill.


Posted by: James K. Polk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 3:14 PM
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Did you sign a power of attorney form? If not, it's a safe bet that he never sent one, since the whole purpose of that form is for you to tell the tax authorities "yes, this guy is my lawyer, please talk to him." Also, a competent lawyer should be cc'ing his client on correspondence, so it's a danger sign if you didn't get a copy of the purported letter.

As far as the substance, get someone competent to talk to the tax authorities, or do it yourself. Reasonable reliance on counsel may be a defense to penalties relating to the delays while Mr. Competent Tax Lawyer Person was doing his thing, and in any case it often isn't that tough to get most penalties waived when you've acted in good faith and are trying to clean things up (interest, not so much).

IANYL, etc.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 6:49 PM
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I signed and faxed the power of attorney form back two hours after I got it.


Posted by: James K. Polk | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:10 PM
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Sometimes state bureaucracies do screw things up, so if you signed it and he says he sent it, it's conceivable he's telling the truth. Still doesn't solve your problem, though.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:17 PM
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201: Is there a way to automatically ban anyone who starts a comment with "Sigh." ?

I've already been banned via a similar method. The script processor would need to be set up to hunt for that phrase as the opening of line. Easily fooled though, and people's posts would start dying. You can announce I'm banned if that would make you feel better.

197: 194, 195: That's what I thought max was referring to.

It makes no sense to only close comments on a post to prevent a previous indiscretion from being revealed if the comments revealing the previous concealment of the previous indiscretion still exist. Talk about pointless. (Or not talk about pointless, as it were.)

max
['No, officer, I always walk around with my pants around my ankles. Why? I mean, it should be OK, since my fly is unzipped as well.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 09-16-09 7:29 PM
horizontal rule