I laughed at the second one, when he hit the wall. C loves (well, he has a knack for finding them, loves may be a little strong) all those crappy police shows, and I think I've actually seen number one on tv already.
Three is so fake. I do love 2, though, and 1 is also pretty funny.
The second was the best. I suppose he was lucky to hit the drywall between the studs.
Oh, Heebie. That's so aught six
That was really funny. I don't know why you would hesitate to post it.
I should just trust that I'm a terrible judge of what people will find funny.
I liked the first. Right to the point. Clonk!
I like the fact that after the suspect falls over and puts his head through the drywall, the officer still has to try again to administer the sobriety test.
Topically, I assume everybody has seen this?
(Oh wait, I linked it here before. Well, who cares!)
Two points: first, that is so totally not alcohol making him act that way. Second, I would feel bad laughing, but hey, I've been there.
The incredible Boston subway near-miss is good candidate for a fourth way. (Happened very recently, right?)
that is so totally not alcohol
Ain't that the truth.
9: Yes.
I actually found the faceplant in 1 to be too painful-looking to laugh at. But the guy's inability to stay in the room in 2 was fantastic, and the cop's, "You're going to have to stop doing that" was a nice touch.
I liked the way the third guy swaggered down the line.
Are you kidding? That made my morning, Heebie.
You know, I've never been drunk enough to truly lose my balance, so it's not a very familiar motion. But yesterday I sat on the couch surfing the internets for too long with my foot folded beneath me, and it was totally asleep, and when I finally got up I basically pulled everything in #2 except actually making contact with the wall. Very disturbing but also hilarious.
That story at the end of 11 about the priest's son is so sad!
But then it goes back to drunks, drunk pilots.
10, 12: What is it that makes him act that way?
it made me think of the maitre d' here, only slightly less graceful.
21: I don't know, but it looks like some kind of strong downer -- a barbituate or perhaps heroin.
It seems possible that it's at least partially due to a diability. I kind of cringed watching him. He could easily be drunk on top of a muscular deformity or no-balance-y disorder.
By diability I mean disability, not diabolical.
Possibly, but it looks like a combination of booze and ketamine to me.
24: I dunno. Maybe. In my experience, if that were the case, he would have explained that to the guys and asked for help, and/or brought some kind of visible mobility aid with him in the first place to ward off misunderstandings.
But I SUPPOSE not everyone is exactly like me.
I'm pretty sure the whole physical room is tilting and spinning, but it's undetectable since the camera is mounted on the wall. Poor sad sack.
I'm really voting some sort of disability, compounded. He looks so hapless.
I certainly know of disabilities that make you lean in weird directions and fall down a lot. I just can't imagine trying to buy booze without being real clear and up front about the whole thing.
(I have one such disability and I am super hyper sensitive about the possibility that other people might think I'm drunk when I am, sadly, not).
It sure looks like ketamine (or some similar drug) to me.
I've also seen similar reactions to salvia divinorum, but that wears off way too quickly to be the culprit there.
Oh my god, that is so long. I can't believe how long it goes on for. The very end hurts particularly much to watch.
33 gets it right.
The part where he's sitting on the floor and trying to lift himself up, but he's about six inches too high in where he thinks the floor is? Total ketamine.
Possibly it could be some combination of ativan or another heavy-duty knockout drug and some other things but yeah, I vote for K.
I would really love to know what they all are saying to each other. Especially what the sober guys' commentary is like.
I think I've been that drunk. It's a little hazy at this point, but I do remember very clearly *crawling* across campus to get back to my dorm, because I was unable to stand.
I hold out hope that he was on an ether high, because there aren't enough people being filmed on ether.
I feel like I'm losing my drug cred here. I've never even heard of salvia divinorum.
But I've had a hell of a time on Special K!
The cereal, not the horse tranqs.
Didn't lose any inches off our middles, though.
Sort of tangential, but I was rather intrigued by the ovelapping-in-time splices from camera to camera as he moves out of frame. It almost makes it like a game, trying to reorent yourself, waiting for him to appear in the new frame and for things you saw in the last frame to happen.
Didn't lose any inches off our middles, though.
That's a very thick septum.
42: It's a plant that you can order online, but it really isn't something that most people find fun. It will absolutely turn your world upside down for about ten minutes, though.
I think his behavior could best be described as tangential.
Wow! You snorted Special K cereal!
You're one of those people my parents warned me about!
49: true also for DXM, 5meo-DMT, Foxy, and pretty much every other hallucinogen you can order (basically) legally online. How is that fair?
Now, when you could get G legally? That was something.
52: Now you are just name-dropping.
Don't even get me started on AMT, MDA, MDEA, Escaline, Datura or 2CT-7. Just say no, kids!
At least some of those are illegal now, and good riddance. Lactone! Who needs Lactone.
Order your DMT now, though. The FDA's period for comment ends on the 27th of this month and they're almost certainly going to make it Schedule I.
5meo or n,n,? Fuck 5meo, but it'd be sad if you couldn't get n,n anymore.
I'm pretty sure the archives have recorded that Tweety and I disagree about whether MDA is enjoyable.
I'm still nursing. Would Hawaiian Punch like it?
57: it's how you meet the machine elves.
58: 5MeO. But I guess you could always get some Colorado River toads and homebrew it.
60: I know people who claim to enjoy all of the drugs I've mentioned. I think the main knock on MDA is that it lasts so damn long.
62: And the interdimensional mantids.
63: or that plant that goes in Wisconsin.
5meo is really a weak cousin to n,n. Ordinarily you just feel like you inhaled some kind of horrible chemical exhaust and stopped breathing. The whole "psychedelic wonderland" thing is pretty rare. n,n on the other hand is supposed to be dynamite.
One man's knock is another man's bonus, I guess.
Oh, Clifford Pickover, you garish numbskull.
||
Have we discussed Baconnaise? My dad got some and says it tastes more like salami than bacon.
|>
Wait, DMT is legal and available by mail?
5meo-DMT, which isn't the machine elf kind.
72: You can make your own from mimosa hostilis root bark if you're ambitious.
There are also Ayahuasca ceremonies that are, I think, not too hard to find.
There are also Ayahuasca ceremonies that are, I think, not too hard to find.
This is a good idea for an Unfogged meetup.
Gravity also becomes a whole new experience on Ketamine. Balance is difficult, and walking requires intense concentration and an almost mechanical determinism. Vision is also drastically altered. Ketamine is not hallucinogenic in the classical sense, but while under the influence, vision becomes blurred and distorted as if anything you attempt to focus on is softly pushing your attention elsewhere. You can move around, grab things, etc., but is kind of like you are operating your body remotely while looking through a fishbowl. Light is oddly refracted and does not hit the retina cleanly - or, light hitting the retina is normal, but the translation to the brain is somewhat softened and distorted.Needless to say, hazardous activities that require acute attention, like driving in traffic, riding a bike, performing surgery, etc. should not be attempted while under the influence of Ketamine.
Speech also becomes difficult while in the peak. Coming up with the simplest sentences, like "I am experiencing something very phenomenal right now" can take an immense amount of concentration and deliberate intention - partially because there is no tactile feedback on the lips, and partially because thoughts you might wish to express on Ketamine don't always translate quickly or easily into English.
Another problem is that while experiencing the phenomenon of "eternity," each thought, action, and word takes on a new and complex weight. Because you are so aware of the cause and effect relational web that transcends time and space, each word you speak seems to carry an immense weight and power. For instance, uttering a simple word like "slurp" can conjure images of the first creature who pulled itself from the primordial sea onto land, and the sound it made as it struggled through the thick mud on its evolutionary journey towards self-awareness. You not only get images, but an actual physical reliving of this event!
...Ketamine is a very "process oriented" entheogen. I would describe it as a "transdimensional information navigation device." To take this metaphor a step further, consider this: If mushrooms were an ornately carved chariot pulled by untamed horses, and LSD was a fancy, suped-up sporstcar, DMT would be an elfin-crafted hypersonic anti-grav device, and Ketamine would be a VR headset and bodysuit with a T-1 line into the universal database. It gives you TOTAL immersion, and navigation is accomplished purely by thought and body movement.
sorry, meant to delete much of that before posting.
79: Why? Each word carried such immense weight.
sorry, meant to delete much of that before posting.
Cutting and pasting on Ketamine can be difficult.
Needless to say [...] riding a bike [...] should not be attempted while under the influence of Ketamine.
Not in traffic, maybe, but it's pretty damn fun.
Being pwned cold sober on the other hand, is easy.
Oh, Clifford Pickover, you garish numbskull.
So very apt.
TELECOMS....ANALOGY....STUCK...IN...90S...PLZ...HLP...
Gravity also becomes a whole new experience on Ketamine. Balance is difficult, and walking requires intense concentration and an almost mechanical determinism.
I've never actually found balance per se to be a problem on K, but the rest rings very true. Sometimes I had to actually grab on to my legs to move them. And speaking is a very weird experience. Formulating a sentence, saying it, and hearing yourself say it are three temporally distinct events.
I've never actually found balance per se to be a problem on K
My balance was fine, it was the gravitational field that was tilting and bending in odd directions.
62: but isn't it weird that everybody meets the machine elves, or the insects or living trees and stones, or whatever, and they all say "we're here! it's us! we've always been here but you never notice us!" it sort of makes you think that machine elves are real, you know what I'm saying?
89: I've heard that, that they're real. Not the machine elves, don't know about that, but the living trees and stones and the reeds by the side of the road or pond. I have heard that.
Shit. I sadly remember the time I faceplanted into the corner of a wall at a bar with a bunch of people here, blood everywhere, and ended up with a huge scar at my hairline and all the bartenders accusing me of being on drugs. No! I had the hiccups! I wasn't even that drunk.
This thread is just like when all my friends in college started tripping all the time. Yes, your stories are interesting, but no, we don't seem to have anything else to talk about anymore.
88: Sifu, did you ever find any ether to try?
As for varying gravitational fields, that's what the remnants of the stroke feel like. The damned thing did just enough damage to my proprioception that I'm always feeling just a little off balance and very slightly clumsy.
It's not terrible but I can't imagine wanting to take a second hit on a chemical that produced that effect the first time.
95.1: I did! Very odd, there were people with masks ... I was counting backwards from 100 .. I was 5 ... I woke up with the worst sore throat....
I do actually have a fairly strong memory of it. (I assume it was still ether being used at the time.)
I huffed ether a couple of times in high school.
89:
Es sind daher objektive Gültigkeit und notwendige Allgemeingültigkeit (für jedermann) Wechselbegriffe.
99: Yeah, before that I had sore throats all the time.
62: but isn't it weird that everybody meets the machine elves, or the insects or living trees and stones, or whatever, and they all say "we're here! it's us! we've always been here but you never notice us!" it sort of makes you think that machine elves are real, you know what I'm saying?
Or lizards!
What, lizards are real, you say?
This one reads like some Beck lyrics or something. Okay, I'll stop.
Wine, beer, Coke, Kokakorakokakora was the largest disaster in the history of postwar Japan!
Japanese sure is a polite language.
Let's try that again. It's an extremely polite language.
114: Japan is the language that is always polite.
115 is making me laugh till I am crying. It is hard to see to type.
No really, 115 has a really great last sentence before it gives up. And one unexpected sentence in the middle.
It's always great when they go completely off the rails right away. "Devil, if you Gyeongsang up with a long spoon."
115: Great* Hmmm. I'll stop too.
*From somewhere in the middle, .. on preview never mind.
115 is the best thing I've ever seen.
The Japanese will never be satisfied with the payment date of the burger.
You know what that middle sentence in 115 must become, even if I'm not allowed to ess ay why it.
The things it'll do with a perfectly comprehensible sentence.
I was making the mistake of feeding it lines of Shakespeare (which is fun, too). 115 wins everything.
The Japanese have a shame-based culture.
More fun with song lyrics. Makes about as much sense as the original.
If you can't find a city, incorporate it.
Rob Base was really singing about machine language.
Fuck it, nothing will top 115. It had me laughing with tears streaming down my cheeks for like five solid minutes.
134 is funny, but not the one that reveals Rob Base's true intentions:
http://translationparty.com/#5245501
136 s/b "115 does not delete anything. Tears of minutes, I was 51 again, and again rolled back the smile on the stability of the stream and walked back up."
Laurence Sterne's true intentions revealed.
This went off the rails quickly.
Oops, it's mind is going:
Many years later, the colonel was in charge of the firing squad: Author: Unknown Date: 2005 Studio ::::: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Manufacturer: Enter the father: the ice has been collected by: by: by: by: Aureliano Buendía Tsukarimase Sun: Author:: In the studio, naked.
The Smiths do not translate well.
This was definitely best starting in the past tense.
146: I don't know, it seems to do okay.
The "crash other parties" link reveals that someone just typed "Persifleur seeks flaneuse for badinage, repartee."
That was me. It's one of my all-time favorite Unfogged lines.
Unfogged people how many people from many different tribes and nomads to get?
150: I had tried it including the "No Irish need apply" an hour or two ago. And someone else just did, "Why must you be such a little bitch?"
154.last: And apparently it worked well.
And now it's dwelling on the misuse of a colon.
There must not be a lot of traffic on the site, since sometimes if you put in a couple queries in quick succession and then check the crash other parties, your first ones are still on the page.
If, you have a blog, a more complete role and mission: Unfogged final editing, after the blog?
It's not polite to be so insistent about punchlines.
The never-ending chains of 'please' crack me up every time.
158: I shot my man date in Reno, just to watch him die.
Or to travel through time, inexorably, like us all.
We need to offer something to stop the chaos of the global burden of death while sleeping in your dreams
This one starts at equilibrium. I'm spending way too much time on this.
And apparently languagehat covered a lot of of this months ago.
167: Translation party pooper.
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down" no longer becomes "Mercy of God" - now it is "It is intended to be abandoned". Basically the same thing.
I haven't figure out quite what to do with the fact that apparently anything starting with the word "O" translates that word as "library".
Hey shouldn't the west coast/Europe night shift be picking up about now? Doesn't seem right that the Pittsburgh crew is here doing all the heavy lifting.*
* OK, I haven't done any lifting at all - I just finished the 4200 word draft of a proposal that I stand maybe a 10% chance of getting. Why? Because it's for a cycling plan for the City! I've included links to the relevant places in TFA.
Shit, 173 written before I even saw bizzah was here. 4-1-2, represent.*
* ??
Wow. Even more people are in Pittsburgh than I realized, apparently.
175: Fucking A! It's the shit.
Uddochakkuchakkuuddochakkuuddochakku wood and how much time?
If people don't post links to it all night the world will end. It's just like "The Nine Billion Names of God" only different.
We have to keep the commentariat using the site, or it will revert to people typing in "dick vagina boob anal", and that would be terrible. (Or maybe that was one of you.)
And I'm very sad because, inexplicably, translation party has stopped working for me right before I got to the now-legendary 115. WTF?
I guess that it's telling me to go to bed, as I still have hours more to do on the aforementioned proposal.
182: Not me, but you have to admit that "Anal penis vagina pickles" is a pretty good outcome.
No wonder Hamlet had so much trouble making up his mind.
Yeah, "pickles" was an unexpected surprise.
183.1: Just e-mailed you the output from 115. You know us "City of Brotherly Love" types need to work together. Not like that useless ballsack, Moby Hick.
Hee! Good work, whoever typed in the Gatsby line.
Don't ask too many questions when the sun doesn't set.
E-mail - only e-mail, e-mail - 115 - e-mail e-mail - e-mail is sent to print the e-mail. My brother and I love the city, "we" I need to know the type of work. Ballsack, Mobihikku useful.
189: Indeed. nosflow would not be happy about the outcome, however.
187: Yes. And it helpfully adds, "Translation Party is hiring, you know."
192: The reason is because in the past, this victory is always screw steamer.
193: We will make Mobihikku rue the night he blissfully slept while others labored.
192: That's "beak nosflow" to you, Ottofonbisukuikku. And you too, Ned Mystery.
I expected much worse; maybe Marx is meant to be machine-translated into Japanese?
And eb is "Beauty", that's so precious.
199 is fantastic. Colleagues, we are in the sperm lottery indeed!
Nicely reminiscent of William Carlos Williams.
O eb!
The Beauty of the Library.
Colleagues, we are in the sperm lottery.
Rain.
105: AWB is the ... Devil!
G'night.
1111111 President Bush is 1,111,111,111,112 bird gets to use a single value..
This is the sound and fury, I can do something stupid do I have to backtrack?
He is all life in the universe, the fall of the descendants of this dead end, I was stunned as snow.
By the way, if ttaM's reading, I went to see the Buzzcocks tonight and they were definitely decent, so thanks for the advice.
188: Everytime I try to be useful, something fucks up.
I always, please Shiina Pavilion. The mate is not something useful. - Mobihikku
From The Wisdom of Mobihikku Vol. 1
The other line I was thinking of using for that link was "Titties, hooray! Wangs, hooray!"
Prices are as follows: 11111111 person: is 111111 you can benefit more than one claim in a single batch of 211,111 people. There is a bug triggered by the word "one" I think.
212,
I started with
"A blank white screen is the last thing many aspiring writers ever see."
and reached equilibrium at
"For many aspiring writers, a blank screen. Quit."
58 minutes 51 complaints, too, please do not leave the living room.
115 made me pee on my cat.
If Martin Luther had spoken Japanese, perhaps the Protestant Reformation would have come to a quick conclusion -- http://translationparty.com/#5252698
I seem to be missing something. The very first link I followed to Translation Party worked, but all the others (and now, even the first one) doesn't work. That said, the page's source is pretty entertaining in its own right.
220 is great.
So, I'm going to fight for the rights of third parties.
219: I like the butt of Crete, I lie.
226 - is that what you typed in, or what you got out?
My translation: I will introduce a translation of them..
The scary thing is that the only reason we know this is a machine translation is volume and speed. Back as an undergrad I used to help out struggling students with their French lit papers. The minimum requirement for those classes was three years undergrad French or the equivalent, but some still insisted on writing them in English and then translating with a dictionary. The typical results can be seen in the comments above.