So cute, HG. LIGHT AND FUN. SO DELICIOUS.
HG deserves to be famous after that performance.
(Also, you managed to create something that, while looking inedible, really doesn't seem nearly as bad as the Kwanza cake. Who doesn't love Lucky Charms?)
I am happy to mail the top eight bidders a slice of St. Patrick's Day Cake.
What really makes it great is the froggy high chair (?) watching the whole thing with an unwavering expression of happiness and anticipation.
My favorite bit is the "Dum-ping. Dumping dumping dumping dum-ping."
I guffawed at "There's nothing worth than pausing to take a breath during your monologue."
I find that this goes really well with . . . just drinking in general.
I like imagining that Heebie talks to herself like this whenever she's in the kitchen.
"You're probably thinking, 'I've got this hole,'" laydeez.
Either auto-captions are not very accurate, or this is a weird fucking monologue.
Hooray! I'm glad you guys are getting a chuckle out of it. I may sound vaguely deranged free-associating like this when I teach as well, although not quite as peppy.
16: How do you get auto-captions?
OMG, the CC is hilarious. I like that it says she talks about drinking while she's drinking when she says nothing about it.
"I'm a little nervous at first I think about keeping up the church entered his back object...
in her case allied itself with the love and singing really is the plan.... the shi'ite it La and Michael Kinsley.... the extraction into rwanda I think it"
in the youtube page (not the embedded one) the "cc" button now has a menu.
It's all "Michael Kinsley" this and "Shi'ite" that.
Either auto-captions are not very accurate, or this is a weird fucking monologue.
Oh my god the the auto captions make it even better. "The church enters his back object".
"The United States mind it is a husband and a half."
... and in the menu, if you pick "transcribe audio" (and then acknowledge that it is only in beta and is not guaranteed) it plays them.
The auto-captions clearly show that speech-recognition software still has a long way to go.
(I can make caption files, but someone else would have to do an actual transcription with timecodes. If anyone's bored)
Wow. Those subtitles are inaccurate. In fact I never mentioned the extraction into Rwanda or the radiated runs.
It's nice when HG says, "Doesn't that look good?" and the CC says, "doesn't look good."
The auto transcribe feature does seem to have a political bias.
but you were talking about how Michael Kinsley is a shi'ite, right?
26: So if you had a transcript you could make subtitles? I could transcribe, except you should be braced for a lot of rambling nonsense.
I can't listen to the sound but I so hope Heebie is really saying "I'm a little nervous at first I think about keeping up the church entered his black object."
29- I think most speech/monologue type files of this sort are probably politicians or newspeople talking about politics. If there was music in the back ground it might be different?
Quick, Heebie! In the name of science! Add a background song to the video and upload it again; maybe in that version you'll be talking about being on a boat and/or being a baller!
31: yes. I need the time code for when each chunk of words (sentence, or paragraph, or whatever) starts and ends.
Also, HG says, "Some worms!" and CC says "why on earth." Oh lord I have work to do but this is hilarious.
I never mentioned [...] the radiated runs
You get those from yellowcake.
That was excellent, heebie. Simply excellent.
I can't watch the video from work, alas, but I can mention that I first heard about the captioning thing just the other day.
So awesome. What's the next major holiday you can make a cake for?
What's the next major holiday you can make a cake for?
March 28th is Something on a Stick Day.
Wow. That's a riot.
Can I share the youtube link?
And Google has over 3000 hits for "cake on a stick". So.
From some random website I found so it must be authoritative, tomorrow is:
Absolutely Incredible Kid Day
Awkward Moments Day
Companies That Care Day
Forgive Mom and Dad Day
National Biodiesel Day
Flag Day (Aruba)
Oh and, good patter--harder than it looks in my experience.
You need to make an Awkward Turtle Cake, heebie!
47: Or—here's an idea—make two Awkward Turtle Cakes, see, and name one of them Tor...
Is there an awkward turtle cake recipe?
Combining Absolutely Incredible Kid Day, Forgive Mom and Dad Day, and Awkward Moments Day into one cake wouldn't be too hard, but getting it on a stick will be a challenge.
Absolutely Incredible Kid Day
Awkward Moments Day
"Try this goat curry I made specially for today, it's absolutely incredible. Wait, you mean that's not...how totally awkward!"
51: And if you bake it in memory of Natalee Holloway, you've got you're Aruba Flag Day covered.
49: Are you telling us you were working from a St. Patrick's Day cake recipe in that video?
It was a modified Kwanzaa recipe. Try to keep up.
49: Awkward Turtle Cake--you can reuse existing materials.
I was on a trip with this guy i liked, and was taking around the remains of the cake from our mini birthday party for my friend. The plate was empty and i decided to run up and scare him. I ended up throwing the cake crumbs all over him. Everyone just stared and i felt really embarassed. Awkward Turtle!
I have a good Turtle Cake recipe. If you made it badly, that could be awkward.
Good recipes are fine, but are they quickly executable? Perhaps that's what would make it awkward.
55: I figured you could use the same recipe as a base for exploring all sorts of holidays and themes.
So now all ethnic holidays are the same to you? Racist.
59: Trying to put a live turtle in the whole in the middle would be pretty awkward.
58: Sure! Very easy, and, coincidentally, vegan.
61: We're talking about your cakehole, not your whole cake, M/tch.
62: So you only use mock turtles?
The problem with this recipe is that it's not terrible, but I'll share anyway.
1 c. toasted pecans
3 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. cocoa
2 t. baking soda
1 t. salt
3/4 c. veg oil
2 T. white vinegar
2 t. vanilla
1 c. chopped chocolate or chips
1 1/2 c. caramel sauce (homemade or storebought)
Oven to 350. Grease 13x9 pan. Sift together flour, sugar, cocoa, soda, salt, and whisk together. Add 2 c. water and oil, vinegar, and vanilla. Beat until just blended.
Spread 3 c. batter into the pan and bake for 15 min. Sprinkle pecans, chocolate, and caramel sauce on top, then add the rest of the cake batter. Bake another 35 minutes.
So you'd need to pause for the two baking parts. But it's deliciously awkward.
OT: I so love the doctor on Arrested Development. "He's gonna be all right."
1 c. toasted pecans tin Planter's Cocktail Peanuts
3 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. cocoa Nesquik Chocolate Milk Powder
2 t. baking soda small bags Pop Rocks
1 t. salt
3/4 c. veg oil 2 ¾ teacups Wishbone Italian Dressing
2 T. white vinegar
2 t. vanilla
1 c. chopped chocolate or chips crumbled Chips Ahoy!
1 1/2 c. caramel sauce (homemade or storebought) a bunch of Kraft Caramels
The video's amazing. I fully support store-bought-dessert-enhanced blogging.
The one thing in the video that keeps bothering me is that no one ever needs to "cut a sandwich" along the horizontal plane to "cut it into two pieces."
The one thing in the video that keeps bothering me is that no one ever needs to "cut a sandwich" along the horizontal plane to "cut it into two pieces."
If you are cutting a sub or deli roll to make a sandwich you would cut it along the horizontal plane.
To make a sandwich, yes. But one doesn't cut the sandwich.
"Ireland! Ireland! Ireland! Who wins? We all win!" is so bizarre. Gawd. SO GOOD.
HJ, this is the greatest thing ever.
Snake and rats. All right!
71,73: The price you pay for choosing to do a single take. It's a Dogma cooking show.
To make a sandwich, yes. But one doesn't cut the sandwich.
One creates the sandwich by the act of cutting it. Like cutting a switch.
You could make open-faced sandwiches that way.
Heebie Geebie: my highly specialised faculty for distinguishing American accents tells me that you are from ... Ohio.
||
Caroline came home from school today with a St. Patrick's day project: a piece of brown construction paper cut into the shape of a potato. On one side it said "facts" and then listed things like "From 1845 to 1847 Ireland's potato crops were destroyed by disease."
The other side was labeled "opinions." Some of the items on the list are things like "potatoes are fun vegetables to grow." But the list also includes "More people like baked potatoes than potato chips" and "Potatoes are everyone's favorite food in Ireland"
Its wrong in so many ways.
|>
79: Better look into calibrating that faculty a bit. Heebie is from Florida, as she has mentioned several times.
||
Ah, Caroline's teacher explained an opinion as "Something that might be true or might not be." Now the assignment makes a little more sense.
|>
Her accent, however, is basically General American with no obvious regionalisms. At some points in the video she is clearly imitating Sandra Dee's southern-ish accent.
Sandra Dee is notorious for transmuting base metals into cake.
82: Still very unhelpful for those of us who have to put up with this fact/opinion crap when they come out the back end of K-12
s/b Sandra Lee, obviously. I'm a little tiercely.
I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking cake!
P.S. Awesome.
The one thing in the video that keeps bothering me is that no one ever needs to "cut a sandwich" along the horizontal plane to "cut it into two pieces."
AWB is quite right here. Only I thought I was being funny.
JP pwned me way back at 41. Also, having Pandora on in the background while this was playing worked pretty well. It's amazing how well the unrelated musical transitions end up syncing with the video.
It was funny! But it still bothered me!
81: 79 is not so far off....Ohio was the Florida of 2004
Ohio wears Florida like a detachable penis.
86: I hate the fact/opinion divide that students come to college with, but the divide I try to replace it with is belief/justified belief. So basically Mrs Hervol was using the fact/opinion divide as the divide that I want to use.
The thing that bothers me is that the fact/opinion divide gets overlaid with the empirical judgment/value judgment distinction and the state of the world/belief about a state of the world distinction.
On the other hand, isn't talking about potatoes for St. Patrick's day a little like taking about watermelon for Black History Month?
On the other hand, isn't talking about potatoes for St. Patrick's day a little like taking about watermelon for Black History Month?
Not really, no.
Heebie Geebie, you are awesome on the internet.
The seekrit meetup sign should read "mutombo.com".
Rory and I laughed ourselves silly. Silly.
I'm so glad I didn't watch that at work, as it would have been awkward explaining to my cow-orkers the fits of uncontrollable laughter and growing puddle of urine at my feet.
Bave, I am leaving for your hometown tomorrow! If you have any last recommendations or requests, let me know.
Another St. Patrick's Day Cake--Cookie O'Puss.
It's cakes like Cookie O'Puss that lead people to believe that pies are better than cakes.
People who have not had really great pie think cakes are better than pies.
They need to start making pies with icing. That would be the best of both worlds.
105: Um, it's my hometown too. Just sayin'.
I want a second helping of this post. So delicious!
115: It does slow down the flow of a good hockey game.
actual tears are coming out of my eyen. bravissima!!
I enjoyed the "extract" drinking.
Seems to be a Sutter Home™ screwtop. Let it breathe, heebers. No need to re-cap.
no one ever needs to "cut a sandwich" along the horizontal plane to "cut it into two pieces."
Sometimes I want a piece of bread with peanut butter. Sometimes I want a piece of bread with jelly. But sometimes, all I have is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
113: Feel free to advise! I don't have a car and don't really know anything about how easy it will be to get around or how much time I'll have, but! Advise me!
119: Awesome.
Without a car, it will not be easy to get around. Just as a general rule. If you can find someone who has a car, though, there's plenty of stuff to do. I see from Facebook that you're staying at the Hilton?
Seems to be a Sutter Home™ screwtop
Ha! I too thought it was vanilla extract.
Drinking vanilla extract straight from the bottle would be pretty hardcore.
See, 121 is a good example of violating the Sanctity of Off-Blog Etc.
The price you pay for choosing to do a single take. It's a Dogma cooking show.
It's like Rope. You've murdered a cake and stuffed it in a box.
The CC is hilarious. One sentence was " ... something something Clintons something something cake ..."
Are you happy now, M/tch?
I just can't get enough.com.
I missed the origins of this .com joke. Is it I'm Oscar Dot Com based?
129 is incorrect. It originated in the presence of some youngsters, but Sir Kraab and I were the inventors/discoverers.
It's much funnier in real live spoken conversation. In fact, it's really not funny at all in writing. But trying to make something that's not funny work can be kind of funny.
We'll demonstrate it for you next time we see you, heebs. And we'll even give you a special Sanctity of Off-Blog Communication Exemption so that you can then tell everyone here how incredibly funny it really is.
It originated in the presence of some youngsters, but Sir Kraab and I were the inventors/discoverers.
Ah. That was ambiguous in the linked comment.
133: No. That Diablo Cody comment I made was not for nothin'! It's in Juno -- more than once, I think.
135: Well, the one I remember is "You need to move on dot org!" or similar. So maybe not quite the same.
136: Not quite the same at all.com.
Also, thanks for 135. I had no idea what your Diablo Cody reference meant, but I was just sure, considering the source, that it meant something good.
but Sir Kraab and I were the inventors/discoverers.
Great minds working independently and all, but my cow orkers and I used it ten years ago, in my one job in the dot-com world.
139: And clearly you people didn't have the persuasive and trendsettin' skillz Sir Kraab and I do. Because now dot com is here to stay.
141: When we were steeped in bullshit all day long (the three of us were the online journalism wing of a small-cap stock analyst company), and everything was dot-com this and dot-com that, it came naturally. I'm surprised it didn't become widespread years ago, to be honest.
Some of my cow-orkers may grow concerned, as I've been sitting at my desk for the last several minutes saying aloud "Dot Com, Dot Com" in the manner of the gentleman who's always standing outside the music club in DC saying "Black Cat, Black Cat."
Independently widespread.com this side of the pond.
And we definitely need a new .omg TLD. Call ICANN now!
I drop dot coms like gumdrops, fool.
130: Is it funny?
Not as funny as an Awkward Turtle Cake video would be.
144: Inured.com by now.com I'd think.com.
136, 137: not Juno. Jennifer's Body.
149: Ohhh, right. Thank you, Herr Sifu.
I finally got to watch the video. Laughed myself silly. It was awesome.
Coincidentally, yesterday as I was enjoying a break from the spirited and constructive discussion over on the "Snicker" thread, I was confronted by a piece of St. Patrick's Day cake all too reminiscent of something from the Sandra Lee milieu (and much less fetching than Heebie's creation). It was dyed green, covered in a -- "slimy" is the most polite description I can think of -- green icing of indeterminate origin, heavily admixed with jelly beans, and being proffered by a proudly-beaming acquaintance who'd apparently been wanting to show me what good baking was for some time.
I smiled and ate it. She watched me as if to make sure I was actually swallowing it, and I'm pretty sure I still haven't fully digested all of it. So I really connected emotionally with this video. Light and fun. So delicious.
She watched me as if to make sure I was actually swallowing it
I hate people who think that being hospitable means actually forcing you to eat something they've made, complete with strict verification that you've actually eaten it. There seems to be a strong correlation between this personality trait and being a dreadful cook. We have a fair number of employee potlucks at my place of work, and there always seems to be one of those types around to make things unpleasant.
