I love this video! Life is incompetence, failure, and disappointment!
I love that one. I also love "Oh no, my pants pocket seam came unglued!" and "My food keeps squirting out the back of my burger!"
The whole montage of pouring failures is great, too. It's a miracle more people don't die of thirst!
Can't watch it from my current undisclosed location, but is this the one with the person chopping onions all frustratedly? Because that shit cracked me up. I wanted to be all Ree can help you! Don't buy the onion-chopper thing!
And I'm totes curious which of the video's life failures has been solved in the geebies/jammies/HP household.
And I'm totes curious which of the video's life failures has been solved in the geebies/jammies/HP household.
"Ugh, this carbonated soft drink has gone so flat!"
All these things that have to be made to seem so, so hard to sell product X. Eating a burger! Dispensing cling-wrap! A dog jumping onto a bed!
The onion chopping is great. I love the one handed hacking like they've been told to poke the onion to death.
6: Ah. I must drink pop too quickly for it to go flat. Or I'm unsensitive to flat pop. My mom has a variation on the onion thing and swears by it.
2: Yeah, I assumed that was an add for mousetraps.
"Keep mice out of your muffin batter - for good!"
10: I think it's for one of the egg-managment devices, so you can prevent fear-inducing, poisonous eggshells from invading your muffin.
It's weird that I should be so humorless, in some ways.
The solution to that problem is to drink faster, not to buy a device.
But what if you desire to put away half your carbonated soft drink, for later consumption?
And you buy said beverage in cans? You should see your face when you take a swig.
Don't buy the onion-chopper thing!
Why do you hate progressives?
And who are you? Time who subdues all things.
Why do you stand on tip-toe? I am ever running.
And why you have a pair of wings on your feet? I fly with the wind.
And why do you hold a razor in your right hand? As a sign to men that I am sharper than any sharp edge.
And why does your hair hang over your face? For him who meets me to take me by the forelock.
And why, in Heaven's name, is the back of your head bald? Because none whom I have once raced by on my winged feet will now, though he wishes it sore, take hold of me from behind.
Why did the artist fashion you? For your sake, stranger, and he set me up in the porch as a lesson.
My former roommate had a carbonation-saving device specifically for champagne bottles. I found this endlessly amusing, because who drinks champagne often enough to need an accessory for it? Also, whose celebrations or mimosa-drinking Sundays are so staid that they expect they'll be re-sealing the bottle anyway?
Hah! I was about to make a comment about actually having soda at home and how weird that seems to me but of course this: "I found this endlessly amusing, because who drinks champagne often enough to need an accessory for it?" reminds me that we all have habits that can seem amusing to others.
My former roommate had a carbonation-saving device specifically for champagne bottles.
Using a regular wine cork and the wire cage thing that came with the champagn, you can accomplish the same thing without a special device.
We don't actually have a device, and generally manage to choke down all the sparkling wine we open within a short timeframe, you know, somehow, but we certainly drink it non-trivially often. That shit tastes good! And isn't expensive!
After I start on the bourbon, I always need to save the sparkling wine for later.
24: I hold a perhaps irrational aversion to champagne with a standing exception for champagne mixed with orange juice and Cointreau on lazy Sundays.
26: in truth, I basically never drink actual Champagne, or even stuff that isn't Champagne but says it is. Would it be better if you could tell yourself you were drinking Cava?
27: Oh, yeah, I'm using "champagne" technically incorrectly here. I mean all of the sparklies. Not really my thing.
That shit tastes good!
Maybe to you. Brut champagne often has a vinegary, I'm-giving-you-heartburn flavor. Perhaps you drink less aggressive stuff. I dunno. What I'm saying here is, I can understand the desire to adulterate it with orange juice.
But what if you desire to put away half your carbonated soft drink, for later consumption?
Put it in the refrigerator.
Go ahead. And see how sad and flat it is when you retrieve it.
The carbonation can still escape through the open can, essear, even if it does do so less quickly as a result of the cold.
27 to 29. But also, I am unconvinced by alameida's assertion. I'm sure, with the crisp light of sobriety shining down upon her, she would be willing to reconsider it.
Oh, cans? I was thinking bottles. Putting the screw-top right back on and keeping it in the refrigerator works well enough for me. (For a few days, at least.)
The nice thing about returning a screw-top soda bottle to the refrigerator, if you're a dude in a heterosexual relationship, is that you can insure that nobody else will drink any of it by cranking the cap down tight! Of course, all men know this, it being discussed at the secret meetings.
That you're actually drinking cava, or whatever, doesn't change my opinion. Basically every sparkling wine I've had, I've only been able to enjoy adulterated, or I have thought, "this is ok, but I'd rather be having a decent non-sparkling wine" (or semi-sparkling or whatever beneath semi-sparkling wines with very light carbonation are called).
However, feel free to invite me to a champagne brunch to change my mind.
35: I thought you did that by establishing a reputation for drinking straight out of the bottle. Has worked for me, anyway.
"this is ok, but I'd rather be having a decent non-sparkling wine"
That was always my opinion. But I'm not sure I've ever had a really high-quality example of sparkling wine.
If you make it to Boston I imagine we'd cheerfully assent to using that as an excuse to having a champagne brunch.
That said, you're in much closer proximity to Sonoma than we are, which means you're much closer to Iron Horse Vineyards, whose free tastings did much of the initial work of convincing me that sparkling wine could be wicked awesome, and whose blanc de blanc is, like, mega-delicious by any wine standard.
I've only been able to enjoy adulterated
This surprises me, neb.
blanc de blanc
Sounds like some Arizona bullshit.
Sounds like some swear words got bleeped.
you can insure that nobody else will drink any of it by cranking the cap down tight
What it insures, in my experience, is that I'll soon be fielding complaints about rendering it inaccessible.
44: by people who inevitably harbor deep suspicions about both your intent and the secret dude meetings where we plan such nefariousness, in my experience.
On occasion I've closed a soda bottle so tightly that I couldn't open it. I'm a failure as a dude.
I find prosecco to be an improvement over champagne (or champagne-like beverages) in all applications.
46: I once hid my cigarettes so well that I couldn't find them. I went and bought some more and decided that hiding cigarettes is a really stupid way to try to stop smoking when you live a few blocks from a store.
48: Similarly, I've been able to refrain from smoking for longer when I have half a pack readily accessible.
49: I've been wearing nicotine patches since before I ever heard the name "Obama."
It's a matter of taste. If I hit the lottery I would drink no white wine other than the Widow for the rest of my life (not true - except with food). But I can see why it isn't everybody's thing. My taste buds are shifted to anti-sweet by about 30 degrees compared to most people's, which may have something to do with it.
My own smoking-avoiding strategy has been to put off having a first cigarette as long as possible. It's been a surprisingly successful way to cut back to ~0-2 cigarettes a day, with zero-smokes days on the ascendant.
That never worked for me. I had to (have to) have nicotine within an hour or so of waking-up.
I've been able to refrain from smoking for longer when I have half a pack readily accessible
You and I exist on opposite ends of the smoker scale, I guess. If they're in the house, I'll smoke them until they're gone. But if I don't have them, it's easy enough not to buy them.
53: My much-heavier-smoker of a roommate is constantly perplexed by my approach. "Smoke?" she'll ask at like 11pm, and I'll reply with a stern, "Still too early!"
44, 45: I had suspected this was a conspiracy. Say hi to Buck if you see him at the meetings.
When I was little, I was really clumsy, so I developed a routine in which I pretended suddenly to be acting out one of the poor-motor-control situations from a TV-product commercial. It was funny a few times.
The tastings at Iron Horse convinced me of a lot of things. Their cabernet sauvignon made me cry, and I don't even like cab sauv. That was a beautiful day, all misty up in the hills...
Iron Horse Vineyards, whose free tastings
There is a ten-dollar tasting fee. Do not want.
We paid for our tasting there. I don't know how Sifu got it for free. But the pours are much more generous than other wineries, and the staff is really helpful and smart. It was worth it.
I like fruity reds. Also, the cheap ports that are just a couple of steps above hobo wine. For years, I pretended that I like dry white wine because I knew that was classier than what I actually did like. Then I stopped caring.
Oh I forgot they generally charge. The first time I went, they hadn't started doing that yet. The second time we dropped the "oh, we're engaged" card, and not only was the tasting free, they gave us a bottle of wine.
62: Damn, you're good. Those are $40 bottles of wine.
I'm amenable to paying for tastings, provided there's a souvenir glass of some sort. What can I say? I'm sucker for tchotchkes. More embarrassingly, I also donate to the local NPR affiliate at precisely the level that gets me the mug.
64: We paid for the "higher end" tasting at one place that offered us a souvenir glass, but, sadly, the wine was so disgusting that we didn't really want to be reminded of it when drinking something else. It was awkward, the guy standing there describing the qualities of a wine to us, we're pouring out pour after pour. We'd just come from Iron Horse and some other really amazing places, so I'm sure it was just the contrast that made it so gross.
Honestly, of all the vineyard's I've been to, Iron Horse was far and away the most satisfying, and was the only one I can whole-heartedly recommend.
Actually, I take it back! There was one really tiny estate winery with, like, a tasting shack, where the person doing the pouring was basically the sole proprietor, and she was pointing out the windows, like, "there's the cab right there", etc. But I don't remember what it was called, so this paragraph is useless.
That said, there's a limit to how bad any place with free tastings can be, fundamentally.
Man. I must be hammered, using apostrophes like that.
Perhaps you drink less aggressive stuff. I dunno.
I've been pretty into sparkling rosés recently. This one is so fucking good.
68: Man, that website gave me an annoying pop up: "Welcome Charlottesville wine lover. If you set your location you can shop from stores in your area. Would you like to set your location?" And the only option is "Yes, please!"
66.2 In that same area? We went to one like that. The shack had no electricity, and all the wines were organic. P...something.
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I saw a few well-dressed youngish people in Newton with "Impeach Obama" signs. On the drive back I noticed that they were Larouchies.
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72: that sounds right. Kind of down in a valley?
Yup, with dogs walking around. Great carignane. I bought their viognier.
Brut champagne often has a vinegary, I'm-giving-you-heartburn flavor
Basically every sparkling wine I've had, I've only been able to enjoy adulterated
I find prosecco to be an improvement over champagne (or champagne-like beverages) in all applications
You people are monsters, with a few exceptions. I look forward to someday visiting England again and spending the entire time indulging in Churchillian consumption of Pol Roger with OFE.
My favorite tasting room experience was in New Mexico just before Halloween one year. The proprietress was in a witch costume (and seemed delighted by it, but maybe she was just drunk), a tiny dog was yapping and bouncing around the place the entire time, and one of the wines smelled like reefer.
Once at Per Se, they decanted my rosé champagne before pouring my glass, so that the petillance wouldn't be so agressive as to conflict with the texture of my soup. I'd never heard of such a thing.
You should have made the "yuck flat beverage!" face.
I would like to know how they got that dog to clothesline itself on the bed.
I eagerly await the TV ad for the product that makes such washing easier.
84: I have spent the past half hour writing this ad in my head. Has this ever happened to you? Soft nipples get in the way! (emphatic nod from hapless soft-nipple-haver)
Apparently hardening the nipples is good for breastfeeding. I found a thread in which a woman reports being told to use a toothbrush on them, and my nipples cried.
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NMM to this crazy Nazi cult dude.
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84: Me also. Since such ads always start with the 'sadsack' party, I keep picturing a bare-breasted woman fumbling with ice water. Then I forget that about the next part.
Feel free to use the extra "that" in any comment.
Monsters is right.
Admittedly, a lot of the stuff that comes out of the big champagne houses is industrial swill (I'm looking at you, Veuve Clicquot), but a lot of it isn't (e.g., Bollinger), and a ton of great small-producer "grower" champagnes are now distributed in the US. There's plenty of delicious cheaper sparkling wine around as well. Prosecco is wonderfully fun and friendly, though somewhat lacking in complexity, what with being carbonated in giant tanks rather than fermented in the bottle, and, done well, Cava (especially Raventos i blanc and Gramona) and Vouvray (Huet, Foreau, and Pinon) can be delicious examples of methode champenoise.
I had the pleasure just this evening of tasting a wonderful Montagnieu Brut, from the French region of Bugey, at this event. Sadly, only 10 of the 26 winemakers were able to get out of Europe, but the maker of the Montagnieu had rented a car and driven 1300 km from Bugey to Barcelona, whence she managed to fly here.
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Should we all chip in and buy one of these for Apo?
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Should we all chip in and buy one of these for Apo?
Let's hold off. The man's promised a review of the KFC Double Down, and we don't want to kill him prior to that forthcoming beauty.
Should we all chip in and buy one of these for Apo?
Bob Evans is more of a midwestern/mid-Atlantic chain. I can't recall seeing any in his area and I have my doubts that it is the authentic sausage gravy experience even if it doesn't come out of a machine.
91: There's a couple in Richmond, VA, so maybe?
Durham and Charlotte (if you choose the state). I'm clearly bored on a Saturday night.
Oh, wait. Charlotte's pretty far from Durham. I have NC all screwy in my head.
Man. I need to go to a meetup with Mr. Blandings. Preferably a wine-tasting meetup of some sort.
95: Get Stormcrow to go, too, so you don't get the drink dumped on you.
Depending on the champagne it sounds lovely to have it dumped on me. Yay! I won the World Series!
Speaking as someone whose breasts are currently in the employ of a nursling*, I would like to say YIKES NO THANK YOU to nipple abuse.
*I love this word.
89: Raventos is my very favorite cava, and the couple that makes it is super adorable.
There is a ten-dollar tasting fee. Do not want.
Don't go to Napa, then. The standard there is $20.
(Actually, don't go to Napa period. Most of the places that have wine you'd actually want to drink require an appointment for tastings. AFAICT "wine tasting in Napa" basically equates to "getting hammered with pretty scenery".)
AFAICT "wine tasting in Napa" basically equates to "getting hammered with pretty scenery".
You say that like it's a bad thing.
College basically equated to getting hammered with pretty scenery for me.
There is a ten-dollar tasting fee. Do not want.
I'm generally happy to pay tasting fees, though I'm also generally tasting at small-production wineries, who can't really afford to give a lot of product away because they don't have that much of it to sell. If they only make 200 cases of a wine, opening even a couple of bottles every day and getting nothing in return isn't really sustainable.
Even for larger wineries where in theory free tastes would be an absorbable marketing expense, charging a modest fee makes the people who are just on a "Give me anything with alcohol in it" drunk-driving tour take their custom elsewhere, which materially enhances the tasting-room experience for anyone who is actually interested in the wines.
My belief is that wine tastings should be free.
Also, I will modulate my earlier statements and say that I often do like those wines which, while not champagne-alikes, are mildly (to very mildly) sparkly. A key selling point of vinho verde! Unfortunately aside from that one I can never remember which they are.
103: Whereas I mostly didn't get hammered in college and then stayed in the same pretty location upon graduation, proceeding to get hammered a lot more often. I'm not saying it was a better plan; it was not a plan at all.
Even for larger wineries where in theory free tastes would be an absorbable marketing expense, charging a modest fee makes the people who are just on a "Give me anything with alcohol in it" drunk-driving tour take their custom elsewhere, which materially enhances the tasting-room experience for anyone who is actually interested in the wines.
This does not match my experience of Napa at all, but I'm willing to accept that it's different elsewhere. IME Sonoma wineries a) pour better stuff in the tasting room and b) charge less.
Hey, wine question: are Virginia wines even really making it out of Virginia much? The marketing is increasingly towards a "we're the new California now!", and I'm totally skeptical that that's the case.
107: I seem to remember Napa had better restaurants, but in Sonoma, you could visit Jack London's house and make a bad joke on "To Build a Fire."
108: I have never in my life knowingly drank a wine from Virginia.
A question for Mr. Blandings or any other champagne drinkers: about a decade or so ago I picked up a ridiculously reasonably priced champagne that was very good, it had a Spanish sounding name, but was AOC Champagne. I remembered it for a while but couldn't find it anywhere again the next time I wanted carbonated bone dry spoiled grape juice. I have since forgotten the name, any ideas?
Also, while on the topic of wine, I'm drinking a pleasant one right now. It's from an Italian region I'd never heard of called Anglianico del Vulture. Really good for fourteen bucks, though a bit of a strange cinnamon after taste.
By far the best tasting experiences I've had were in the Mosel. Full spectrum of wine selections from all the producers, for free with personal discussions with the winemakers. If you're in the area, take a local train from Trier or Koblenz to Bernkastel, rent a bike, and have fun. You can buy their products for massive discounts on retail and if you buy at least six bottles (mix and match are fine) they'll ship them to you for next to nothing. Extra bonus: absolutely wonderful biking terrain, though you might want to avoid Saturdays with all the buzzed drivers.
they'll ship them to you for next to nothing.
PA's liquor laws make it very difficult to ship in a wine that isn't sold in the state stores. Few small winemakers will deal with it even if you were willing to deal with the hassle on your end (they ship to a state liquor store, not your house).
The only thing I can think of as a possibility is José Michel. Could that be it?
Also, Aglianico is the grape, Vulture (in Basilicata) is the region.
The man's promised a review of the KFC Double Down
There's not really much to review, actually. It's not nearly as over the top as it sounds in print. You put a bun around it and it's just a big-ass chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon. It's tasty, but there's nothing about it that surprising or special. You know what chicken tastes like, you know what bacon tastes like, you know what cheese tastes like. They're $4.99 here, and it seems like about $5 worth of fast food. They've done one hell of a job hyping it and getting free press.
My photograph appeared all great big in Parents Magazine (Or maybe Parenting Magazine? One of those.) standing in front of the Durham Bob Evans with my ex and Keegan on my shoulders when he was a toddler. It was an article on family-friendly restaurants and we happened to be walking out at the right time.
That biscuit and gravy machine is hilarious. Now I want to see a vending machine that drops a plastic bowl, then squirts it full of grits.
Now I want to see a vending machine that drops a plastic bowl, then squirts it full of grits.
It'll never get around decency laws.
Now I want to see a vending machine that drops a plastic bowl, then squirts it full of grits.
I have a new found taste for cheese grits. Plain, it's just mush.
114.1 I think that's it, though the prices seem to have gone up over the past decade.
114.2 Ah, like Montepulciano d'Abruzzo which for years I assumed was some place in Abruzzo called Montepulciano, as in Tuscany.
I went here for dinner tonight and had filet mignon and crawfish grits with spinach.
96: You dump one fucking drink on yourself...
And when I was your age Stanley I had like 30 goddamned drinks dumped in my lap on a Saturday night ... and you have what to show for yourself, some comments on a weblog?
Also, Go Pens! Canada squats to pee!
120.last: I worry about the rising death toll from overtime hockey playoffs.
Given the post's title, maybe the Pirates are more appropriate.
121: My wife and I watched the game at different venues, so no worries.
are Virginia wines even really making it out of Virginia much?
The only one I've ever come across here was a Norton from a winery whose name I forget. It was surprisingly good for an American varietal, and inexpensive. A+ would drink again.
And when I was your age Stanley I had like 30 goddamned drinks dumped in my lap on a Saturday night ... and you have what to show for yourself, some comments on a weblog?
Yeah, I almost spilled a beer and made some bad jokes, but it was pretty tame. I blame you old people for everything anyway.
a Norton
Ooh. Could it have been H/orton? I could probably send you one or two on the cheap free. E-mail me.
I'm pretty sure that was it. That's where your friend worked, right? Email on its way.
I'm less good at sending CDs. I still owe mcmc CDs, which stack of CDs stares menacingly every time I power up the laptop. Sorry, mcmc. I haven't forgot.
I've had some good wines made from Norton grapes.
128: That's okay, Stanley--I don't really deserve cds, since I failed to send a mix. (But I still want them!)
Dear Montrealers,
I have occasionally followed the NY vs. Montreal bagel debate with interest, so when I came across some at the Flea I decided to try buy a few, in spite of the insane price. Unfortunately, my batch seemed to be some special dietary version for folks on a zero sodium diet, or so I initially assumed, since who would want to eat bread that was tasteless except for a bland and flat sweetness. But when I looked it up, it turns out that you guys don't seem to realize that breads, like most foods, require a little bit of salt to be palatable. Please make a note of this for future reference.
Sincerely, disgusted New Yorker.
132: I'm not a Montrealer, but if I were, here is where I would make a reference to Mayor Bloomberg.
OT: Is it weird when you're about to leave to hang out with someone and they call you in advance to tell you it's not going to be any fun?
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I am delighted that the first real-life iPad I've ever seen is being used to play solitaire.
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132: Montréal bagels are ok -- I think all the ones I've had have been from St-Viateur, since it was around the corner from CA's brother's old apartment. They are sweet, though, and nothing at all like NYC bagels (in addition to being sweet, they're quite light, entirely lacking the dense, chewy, dumpling-esque quality that proper NYC bagels have). Final verdict: I like eating them -- but the whole fight is stupid since one is in no way like the other.
This talk of proper NYC food reminds me of the restaurant I saw a week ago advertising its "Manhattan Deep Pan Pizza". I guess a lot of Danes might be surprised if they ever actually go to Manhattan.
139 Poland has become sushi-obsessed over the past few years. In most cases the stuff comes with a layer of mayo between the fish and rice.
138 These were St. Viateur bagels. I think part of the 'lightness' is a result of their relative thinness compared to NYC bagels, which I actually liked. But they won't be acceptable eating until they learn to add salt to the dough.
Mister Smearcase and I had a bottle of "Elbling" last night, apparently a fairly obscure German white, which was really good and had very faint bubbles.
Gruët is a nice methode champenoise from New Mexico that I suspect has been mentioned here before. I grew up down the street from one of the owners.
Also, I completely fail to understand how anyone could not adore champagne, despite the proffered explanations.
Bagels in my small town are terrible. I was surprised; I thought basic bagels were mainstream. In the prepackaged aisle, they have plain, everything, and fruity flavors only.
In the bakery, you get these strange spongy torus shaped bread-things. These come in wheat or fruity.
140.1: That sounds pretty good. Is it?
torus shaped
Hey, at least they get the math right.
I've always thought that Einstein's Bagels weren't bad. This may have something to do with not having seen a bagel until college.
Here in the 'Burgh, the ex-NYers I know swear by The Bagel Factor, which I believe is not too far from you.
which I believe is not too far from you.
Assuming your microchip is transmitting correctly.
Poland has become sushi-obsessed over the past few years. In most cases the stuff comes with a layer of mayo between the fish and rice.
Any sympathy I felt for the Polish people after their recent tragedy has now vanished.
146: It is not far, but it's a pain to go that way in the morning. I'd have to drive through Squirrel Hill, find a parking spot, and then I'd be coming to Oakland right with all the traffic. Einstein's has a branch between where I park my car and my office and I can take the way to Oakland where I only have like six traffic lights.
We did indeed discuss Gruët recently.
Every time bagels come up, I feel obliged to point out that my burg features acceptable-to-Yglesias (and by extension, to all New Yorkers) bagels.
But he always uses that same bagel chute picture when he blogs about them.
That looks like "better than anything in DC" (low bar), although I suppose "acceptable" is implied.
The weird thing about the place he mentions (and I think I've mentioned it here before) is that they absolutely adamantly refuse to toast anyone's bagel. Dudes? Some people in NYC eat toasted bagels, chill out.
I believe non-toasted is traditional for NYC bagels, and that many New Yorkers have strong opinions on the matter.
Personally I like my bagels toasted, but then I'm no New Yorker.
154: There is a place by me that always refuses to toast bagels.
I kind of hate toasted bagels, but often I'm too lazy to bother to tell them not to do it. I wouldn't mind if the bagel cooled before they put the cream cheese on it. I toast bread for sandwiches, then wait a bit before making the sandwich.
I live a few blocks from a great Brooklyn bagelry, and about 2/3rds of the customers get their bagels toasted.
The guy at Arby's always says that he can't toast food I brought from another place.
I believe non-toasted is traditional for NYC bagels
That's fine. And if you want to raise awareness about the fact, put it on your sign: "we serve our bagels the traditional way: non-toasted". But make toasting available for fuck's sake. Some people like it, and being all righteous about it is nutso.
But anyway, they do make a good bagel, so whatevs.
The bagel place on my block asks "toasted?" as their second question.
In NYC, it's apparently quite odd not to take both sugar and milk in coffee. Always I get "No sugar?" as a verification, like are you sure?
165: I think I commented here or at my heavily trafficked personal blog that I heard someone in NYC order coffee "light with milk" which the barista afterward clarified for me meant with a lot of milk (that is, not cream, and by omission no sugar). I take my coffee this way! Let a thousand baristas adopt this shorthand so they might give me enough room!
I take my coffee the way I take my women: with wild abandon, yet also with respect for their autonomy.
Sometimes I take my coffee the way nosflow takes his woman, which is to say, not at all.
Yeah, it's light 'n' sweet (cream and sugar) and lesser variations on that. I just say, "coffee, milk," and this seems to be inefficient in that I then have to clarify no sugar, not light. But I do love that they do it for you here. I fucking hate elbowing in at the condiment bar.
Sometimes I take my coffee the way nosflow takes his woman,which is to say, not at all.
171: One of my favorites from that thread is B's simple but effective: neb "is so gay, he's not even around reading this thread because he's too busy being gay somewhere."
I have no idea why that cracks me up so, but it does.
I take my coffee the way I take my women. From a nationally-franchised storefront operation convenient to my office.
But I do love that they do it for you here.
That would drive me up a wall. I'm very picky about how much cream I take in my coffee, dammit, and I don't trust anyone else to get it right.
Out here the only question you ever get when ordering drip coffee is "room for milk?" If you answer in the affirmative, they give you half the coffee you'd normally get.
89: Is Cliquot really so terrible? Admittedly I don't have a sophisticated palate, but I've always liked it. I think I tried it after reading the name in Pushkin and Tolstoy (ok, also Jeanette Winterson) and thinking: this must be something I'm supposed to know about.
154: They won't toast your bagel at H&H, which I think many New Yorkers regard as the gold standard, or at least the standout in an age where "blueberry" and "asiago habanero" are acceptable modifiers for "bagel." I always assumed it was less a purist thing, though, and more a matter of dealing with the long lines they get.
It's true that toasting does slow things down a lot.
177: Yeah, I suspect that's the real motivation behind the local joint's no-toasting policy. They move a lot of bagels, especially on big tourist weekends like Homecoming or the stupid horse races we had this weekend.
stupid horse races
It's a professional sport, so they don't need to worry about the "scholar-athlete" nonsense.
But the stupid horses all run into each other, and it's just a mess.
Unlike NASCAR, they don't start on fire after crashing.
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My roommate's soon-to-be-ex-husband has rented a moonbounce for our house tomorrow, in honor of said roommate's birthday.
I think when your ex- rents you a moonbounce, that's a good sign of an amicable divorce, even if a bit hipster-regression-session.
But I'm growing concerned about reports of random people saying, "Oh yeah. I heard there was a moonbounce in town tomorrow night."
I really don't want to come home to some crazy party after work tomorrow.
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There's a moonbounce. It's going to be a crazy party. Steel yourself.
183: Will you come with your iPod and your Budweiser to calm my police-are-coming nerves? I fear that you will not.
Tomorrow? Tempting, but I am teaching in the morning. If this were, say, May, or July, I'd be there.
Remember that the police are not there for you. You're just some guy.
Plus, I have a terrible record with (a) not indulging in crazy parties, and (b) the police. :-(
My idea is come to NYC instead! We'll go to the baths and then get cocktails.
I'm okay with cops. I hate that I'm usually the Designated Person to Talk to Authorities, is all. Otherwise, yay party!
188: A great idea, and I would if I could. I forgot to tell you that we ran into a recent-NYC-transplant friend the day after our baths visit. We told her all about our visit, and she excitedly confirmed the bath in-question and how we left totally ravished. She asked if we then to Veselka, and we rolled our eyes and admitted yes.
I hate that I'm usually the Designated Person to Talk to Authorities, is all.
I had a roommate like that in college. He was very good at it and never managed to make the police mad or feel like they should look around the house. I think the police liked him because he was a football player and because the one time he did something wrong, he admitted it as soon as the cops asked him if he did it.
Uh, I don't think I meant "ravished" on looking that up. We were totes hungry.
If you rent the moonbounce, can you leave your shoes on inside?
196: If you knew how to spell it, I'd have been so pwned.
One could perfectly well leave the baths in New York ravished, but it would sort of have to be 1970. And AWB would not be there, as she is not a gentleman.
The Baths in Cleveland were of the 199 variety, Kobe.
Hey, as long we're sub-threading: anyone got ideas for album art for a pop-rock EP full of break-up songs?
All I've got so far is a possible watercolor image of a U-turn sign based on a song called "Take Me Back" (which seems kind of cheesy) and a similar sign of the exit we had to take off Rt. 64 to get to the studio at which we recorded.
It's true that toasting does slow things down a lot.
Unless you ask for untoasted, because toasting is the default, and they don't know what to do, and everyone else gets served and walks away and you're still waiting, and then the cashier talks to the bagel-preparer, who appears to be trying to return the bagel with nothing on it or done to it, and then the bagel preparing finally cuts the bagel in half, puts cream cheese on it, and then sends it up to the counter.
Yo, fake accent, is the Montreal-style bagel place, the one pretty near the beach, maybe it's located on first or second and quite close to the large street that begins with G and has a bridge on it, still open? Also, do I have to go to these sorts of lengths to avoid discretion errors in your case? I mean, I'm happy to do it. But if I don't have to, I won't.
I have no idea, but I should go looking for that place when I get back in the fall. And no, you don't have to obscure locations like that.
But no educational institution names, please.
175: Yes, it is so terrible.
Re: toasting -- Timing is an issue, but the real problem is that a lot of places will tell you "We don't need to toast; here is your bagel, fresh and warm from the oven." These people are idiots. I don't insist on a toasted bagel, but those who do don't want (or don't merely want) warm bagels, they want bagels with a crisp interior surface. Which requires toasting. So fuck off, purists.
205: For some reason I assumed it was the one on that peninsula, but it occurs to me that it could be the one named after that one guy, or even a different one altogether.
I don't insist on a toasted bagel, but those who do don't want (or don't merely want) warm bagels, they want bagels with a crisp interior surface. Which requires toasting.
Indeed. I think the issue ultimately comes down to some fundamental disagreements about what a bagel is and how it is to be eaten, subjects about which many New Yorkers (but few people elsewhere) have very strong opinions.
208: Exactly. And my opinion of people who have strong opinions about it is: life is short. Some people like things; some don't. Have some more coffee and bagel and worry about something else that fucking matters.
207: The one named after that one guy doesn't appear to offer the degree in question. So.
I like untoasted bagels but untoasted bagel holes lack substance, like those who prefer them.
208: Life is short, and I'll even stand up for toasting, but let's not pretend that all bagels are equal. There exist today so-called "bagels" of a quality so poor that they must be stamped out. We can do it on our way to the giant-papier-mache-puppet protest of the things that fucking matter.
Some people like things; some don't
And some people like both toasted and untoasted bagels. If I get them still warm, I'll always eat them untoasted. If I'm not eating them the same day they were baked, they need to be toasted. My bagel desecration of choice is to use both butter and cream cheese for a nice healthy vegetarian meal.
both butter and cream cheese
Decadent!
212 There are good bagels, there are not so good ones, and then there are the perfectly decent bagel shaped ballons au pavot that some people in my neighbourhood like. In other bread product issues, why are American foodies so into Italian breads? IME French bread beats Italian and German bread is awesome. Admittedly, the American versions of Italian breads tend to be better than what you'll typically get in Italy, but this is still inexplicable.
If I'm not eating them the same day they were baked, I'm not eating them.
Take that for Brooklyn snobbery!
I guess I just don't like bagels enough to eat them when they're not fresh.
215: Sometimes one wants something crunchy rather than crispy? It serves a need.
So it's resolved: people with strong opinions about how other people eat food might be jerks.
You've got a few extra words in the middle of that sentence.
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Dog Day Afternoon takes a quite surprising turn if you've not read up on it.
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Crappy chain bagel place near me used to serve hot bagels. Now they have the signs up saying something is hot, but they always tell me it's not true.
I don't particularly like toasted bagels. Warm from the oven is best.
There''s a pretty good Montreal-style bagel place in Ottawa. I don't remember them having no salt/
... like I like my bagels: topologically equivalent to a torus.
http://www.richardneill.org/humour.php
(scroll down to Mobius Strip)
I don't know. I like my tori, but not my bagels, flat and with a complex structure.
This video belongs in this old thread.