"This is how the human brain often works when our status changes."
What?
I mean, to every single sentence of this: What? But to that sentence in particular: What?
Another thing I learned from this story is that blind people have nothing to live for. Also, that doctors will gladly take both eyes out of a healthy alive person and give them to any blind person they like because that's how medicine works.
2: I was thinking the same thing. Didn't want to seem stingy with the eye-donation, maybe.
Also, "Christ, what an asshole."
Reminds me of this story:
http://divorce.clementlaw.com/divorce/compensation-for-kidney-into-divorce-denied-by-court/
3: You're so closed-minded, thinking that he needed to resort to conventional medicine to donate his eyes to her. True love, and a melon baller, are all that anyone needs.
8: I loved the story about the young couple who ate each other's brains at Christmas.
Apparently after years in a relationship, she received no information as to whether he was sighted?
Are you supposed to identify with the girl in this story, and through the telling of it, think, "Oh wow, that is so something I would do, and now I realize how ungrateful I am"? I'm desperate to know who is forwarding this to Heebie thinking, "I think she's really going to appreciate the lesson this has to offer."
10: Don't you get it? She was blind! That means she knew nothing!
11 implies that these emails are ever forwarded to one or a select number of people at a time.
The dreaded "nice guy" maneuver.
At the stoplights near the school for the blind, they crossing lights are tied into a beeping thing indicating that it is clear to cross (assuming the drivers are paying attention and not shits).
If we read "marry" as "fuck," it's a much more interesting and disturbing story.
So he thought she was good enough to date, but not marriageable until she got eyes?
The lesson is clearly to make sure your loved ones have low self-esteem.
It needs to be rewritten as a limmerick.
18: Are you blind? She wouldn't marry him until she could see.
16: These are also set up by all the lights near Gallaudet.
There once was a self-hating blind lady...
Chapelle's blind black white supremacist was much more principled.
It's slightly reminiscent of one of the stories in Generation X, too. Something about a space rocket? It's been a while since I read it.
Wasn't there a Twilight Zone episode, only instead of being blind they were ugly?
17 offers the way to a happy ending, I believe.
She read the letter and repented her hasty decision and went back to him. And that night they fucked. And it was terrible; they were completely incompatible. So they worked on it, but it didn't get any better. But they couldn't break up because of all the stupid emotional baggage with the eyes, so after about six months of misery they made a suicide pact and shot each other.
And the world was a better place.
There once was a blind narcissist
Her boyfriend could barely get kissed
He gave her his eyes
She looked round and sighed
"Blind's on my dealbreaker list."
I realize it's not actually the most irritating part of the story, but I'm very hung up on "he wrote her a note and she read it". If she was blind this whole time, how did she know how to read? And who helped him write it?
34 is why stories like this are traditionally set in the early middle ages, so there can be a wise scribe or letter writer in each village, who sometimes comes in handy for giving the protagonists clues/gratuitous advice.
In reality he left her a voicemail.
34: She was probably from New Guinea. Some very fast learners from that island.
She learned to read using raised letters, which is why she was so crabby in the first place.
...but then she realized that all these years he hadn't been feeding her albatross at all, but fried spiders.
21: I'm supposed to read the first paragraphs now?
This story lost me on the first line. Why did being blind make her hate herself? Why did it make her hate everyone else? Why won't she marry her loving boyfriend, whom she supposedly doesn't hate? (She just hates herself too much??)
Urple, you seem to be very logical, except when you're not.
Today before you mockingly mimic playing a violin - Think of someone who has never even heard a real violin.
"I cried because I had no sight, until I saw what a total chump my boyfriend was."
40: Everyone knows that having any sort of disability makes you hate yourself and everyone else, and usually you become a supervillain, except when it makes you miraculously able to perceive beauty and truth where others cannot so you can provide inspiration for normal people who have forgotten about what is important.
42: But don't give them your violin, whatever you do.
28: I think lines 3 and 4 need to be in the present tense to get a rhyme.
crossing lights are tied into a beeping thing
There was a particularly loud one of these at a light a half block from an apartment I once lived in, and it made me crazy. Why they had one at that crossing and no others in Cambridge, I do not know. Maybe there was a blind child who had to cross that street to catch the bus or something.
In Germany, blind people wear a little pin that sends a signal to crossing lights when they are near, so the signals only beep when there is a blind person around who might want to use them.
Also, I am sure there are stories with the same moral, both more realistic and easier to relate to, out of Machiavelli.
The moral of the story is to always withhold part of the payment until completion of the job.
And who helped him write it?
I can write legibly with my eyes closed.
This thread is making me laugh so hard I'm crying.
I can write upside down and/or backwards. With either hand.
It's slightly reminiscent of one of the stories in Generation X, too. Something about a space rocket?
There is a space rocket story in Generation X, but it has a different perspective on the value of self-sacrifice.
I can write "I can write legibly with my eyes closed." legibly with my eyes closed.
The moral: don't make sacrifices no one asked you to make and then insist that they owe you gratitude for it.
Generation X
Looks like the story starts on page 38 here, in case you're interested.
57: While I agree with your conclusion, it's not supported by the text:
She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'
34: He used voice-to-text software and she used text-to-voice. Medieval scribes? There's an app for that!
60: She didn't say, "So give me your eyeballs!" now, did she?
54: Ironic self-sacrifice?
Sort of. A character in the story makes a sincere self-sacrifice in the name of love, but both the teller of the story, and the sister of the character find the sacrifice incomprehensible.
The moral is that the Generation X characters find the trope of, "love conquers all" (or "love justifies all") to ring false, but they also feel a sense of regret at their own inability to believe.
The moral: don't make sacrifices no one asked you to make and then insist that they owe you gratitude for it.
Turning the moving van around now......
The real reason she didn't marry him was that he hadn't told her before about the time he attended a speech given by Marc Antony.
This is my favorite comment thread in a long time.
It reminds me of my friend M in high school who used to say "they tell you if life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but the thing is you need sugar and water to make lemonade."
66: Do you mean she dumped him for liking Marc Anthony or for cutting off his ears at the request of Mark Antony? Either seems reasonable.
69: I'm sure everyone here uses their disabilities for good and not evil.
I'M DIFFERENTLY ABLED, STORMCROW.
I can write legibly with my eyes closed.
Impressive. I can't write legibly with my eyes open.
In the Land of the Blind teh Two-Eyed Grrl is King
The story is actually a summary of Kubrick's first draft of Eyes Wide Shut.
I believe this story was originally told by "Mystery" on VH1's The Pick Up Artist.
68: Neither. She dumped him for being a chump. Everyone knows that if you lend the powerful anything, you'll never get it back.
"Lord, what about the times when things were really bad in my life but where--thanks to my ex-boyfriend's eyes--I can see now there are only two footprints instead of eight?" "My child, it was then that I carried you. And your Guide Dog."
I used to ride the bus with a woman who was bllind. She got understandably upset at people who didn't clear the sidewalks for a whole week or more after a snow.
When there were eight footprints, the woman was being carried by Spider Jesus.
Spider Jesus, Spider Jesus / Traverses snow piles / When it freezes.
82: Fascinating! What is Jesus holding in his human hands? It kind of looks like he just tore a fish in half.
Spider Jesus, Spider Jesus/ Everyone get's wet/ When he sneezes
Spider Jesus is farting, right? Or his butt just smells bad?
Spider Jesus, Spider Jesus / Whenever he farts / We feel the breezes.
How do you suppose the bearer described that to the artist?
I am not just doing this to make a cross-thread callback but I started a limerick and gave up because I'm so exhausted I can't come up with fun rhymes. I thought I was being clever with "highballs" but then I found I had rather backed myself into a corner.
In Germany, blind people wear a little pin that sends a signal to crossing lights when they are near, so the signals only beep when there is a blind person around who might want to use them.
Holy shit is that a good idea.
If we could use the same technology to end the "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP" noise that trucks and vans backing up are required to make, I, for one, would surrender the nation immediately to the Germans.
89:
Eyeballs
My balls
Naipaul's
Skymall's
For further clarification, my office is on the 17th floor. I hear no traffic noise, ever, except when a backing up truck is making that BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP noise.
91: Would everyone have to wear a pin for that one?
94: I take the stairs to my office at least 95% of the time.
Occasionally! But I should do so more often. The fastest route from my office to the bathroom involves going into the stairwell and making a Parkour-like leap over a railing, so that's fun.
Why should sighted pedestrians who happen to cross with a blind person have to be subjected to such noise? They could simply make the pin vibrate, or give a small electric shock.
62: No, but she did promise to take action Y if condition X were true. He then caused condition X to happen, so he had a claim on her to perform action Y.
Here's an example that is less ambiguous. If someone says, "If this charity raises $100,000 I'll shave my head," and you contribute, and the charity raises $100,000, then they owe it to you to shave their head. Even if they didn't also say "Please give."
Not saying he was smart to assume she'd follow through, though. There was very little chance she had in mind the implicit request that he give her his eyes.
I don't know if it is to make it safer for blind pedestrians or not, but the corner I am thinking of stops traffic in all directions and lets everybody walk at once. There are a few other corners like that and not all of them have the beeping.
Should one offer blind people assistance in crossing streets? I worry there's an implication of helplessness.
I used to have a similar dilemma about offering my seat to older people, but I solved it by never sitting on a bus that was close to full.
The kids on the buses I ride seem to try not to notice old people. I want to throw gum at them.
When blind people near me need to cross the street, I just give them my eyeballs.
For people who are not as loving and giving as Heebie, it's okay to ask if someone wants help. Just so long as you don't get angry and offended if they say no.
Twas blind, and the shoepack thoracoscopes
Did golland and gab in the vassalty;
All meningorrhea were the bikhanocinitine,
And the microcopy onerousness.
>>> import bisect
>>> words = [w.lower().strip() for w in open('/usr/share/dict/words')]
>>> diff = bisect.bisect(words, 'brillig') - words.index('blind')
>>> fakewords = 'slithy toves gyre gimble wabe mimsy borogoves momeraths outgrabe'.split()
>>> for fake in fakewords:
print words[bisect.bisect(words, fake)-diff]
When I see old people who are trying to cross the street I always hope a bus is coming so it'll maybe have a seat I can give them.
I can't figure out what lesson we're supposed to take away from the story. Don't be nice to other people? Bitches be trippin'? What?
There's a blind lawyer who works on the other side of my (city-block sized) floor, and I do get a little odd about riding the elevator with him, because while he seems like he's managing fine, I feel like I should be helpful. But he doesn't seem to need help, so I don't offer. I do say "Good morning" where I wouldn't bother greeting someone I know that little, on the theory that he probably finds it helpful to have an active clue where people are standing.
I do a running narrative of everything I see, and everything that's going on in the vicinity, just in case. But I do it in ASL so it won't bother any of the hearing people.
I think I may have mentioned the woman who defrauded the blind people at the state office building back when I was in Ohio. The state employed blind clerks and they had a scanner that beeped once for a five, twice for a ten, and thrice for a twenty. Except, when the government switched to the new twenty dollar bill, the scanner didn't work so a dollar bill and a twenty dollar bill were indistinguishable should you be willing to defraud a blind person for $19.
The kids on the buses I ride seem to try not to notice old people. I want to throw gum at them.
I suppose that's better than not noticing them at all but, in my experience, old people usually have their own gum already.
113: I hope she did it more than once, as it would be disheartening to learn of yet another person the price of whose integrity is
115: $19? Is this a common number?
115: She did it enough that they set a sting to catch her. Turned out to be a non-attorney employee of the Attorney General's office.
less than or equal to $19. Sorry, forgot to escape the left-carat again.
Although unless they were pocketing the money, she wasn't defrauding the blind people, she was defrauding the state.
Otherwise it would be just as accurate to say she was defrauding the machines.
$19? Is this a common number?
119: I suppose, but being X * 19 dollars short in your drawer every day will get you fired very quickly for positive interger values of X.
I do a running narrative of everything I see, and everything that's going on in the vicinity, just in case.
My 8 year old does this. I say, "Thank you Kid D, we don't need the audio descriptions for the blind."
I just read Kid A the story. She told me one back about someone who had like cervical cancer, but then like someone donated their like ovaries, and when she woke up her boyfriend was dead. And her mother was like, yes, he gave you his ovaries!
Which is a bit weird.
109: I can't figure out what lesson we're supposed to take away from the story.
49: Also, I am sure there are stories with the same moral, both more realistic and easier to relate to, out of Machiavelli. The moral of the story is to always withhold part of the payment until completion of the job.
"Goddamit! I should've only given that bitch ONE eyeball! ARGGGGHHHH!"
max
['And then she wouldn't have been staring at my acne when we made out! AHHHHHHHH!']
Life Is a Gift. Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about ... (Blah blah blah, long predictable sanctimonious crap ending in a plea to send it on.)
I wanna see the rest of it, just cuz I am a masochist like that.
max
['Life's a piece of shit/when you look at it...']
I once had a blind lawyer on the other side of a case. Whatever difficulties this might have presented him were, it seemed to me, far outweighed by his being (a) arrogant and (b) stupid. He came into the case after I'd already moved for (partial) summary judgment. Called me, and offered to pay a substantial sum to settle the case. This was kind of surprising, since he was representing the plaintiff, and I a defendant. Later on, when we had the hearing on the motion, he stood up and told the judge that he didn't oppose my motion, and that there was no merit in any of his claims, even the ones I didn't move on.
As he was walking out of the courthouse, he didn't see the $5 just sitting there on the stairs.
Called me, and offered to pay a substantial sum to settle the case. This was kind of surprising, since he was representing the plaintiff, and I a defendant.
So did you accept?
127.last: ... he didn't see the $5 just sitting there on the stairs where I had maliciously put it.
Is the title for this thread an "Amazing Grace" reference, but with an added "T"?
Of course. How unobservant--how blind--of me.
For Max:
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who died too young.
Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.
And before you think of signing out, Please think of sending this to at least ten people including the one who sent it to you.
God Bless You.
The entire forward was in that fake-poem style, but I turned it into paragraph form so that I wouldn't have to donate my eyes to you all after you tore yours out.
The leading 'T' is because I twam an idiot.
133 isn't exactly good, but it's mostly more sensible than the weird story about the guy tearing his eyes out.
Huh. Even more sanctimonious than I would have imagined. Seems to fit in with that book Brightsided, which I'm meaning to read.
So the lesson is "stop whining."
Exactly. And the original story illustrates that, because the woman who was ungrateful for her sightless boyfriend didn't realize how good she had it. There aren't too many men who will give you their eyeballs.
"Before you dump your blind boyfriend -
Think of someone whose boyfriend didn't cut out his eyes for her."
133: So the message is your sorrows and troubles are all invalid, you are oversensitive and ungrateful, and nobody wants to listen to your crap?
But the person who was doing the whining got the eyeballs and hightailed it. Didn't the whining pay off?
I'm pretty sure the message is that, in life, we are like a genie trapped in a bottle. If you can get some other shmuck trapped in your bottle, then you'll be free.
The moral is: some people will forward any damn shit.
|| I am watching Phineas & Ferb and Doofenschmirtz says, "Philosophers have long asked, 'If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?' And the answer, well it's obvious, right? I mean, duh, of course it does. Philosophers. Get a job thinky people!" It made me laugh. And I've only had one beer.|>
My freshman year in college I got an e-mail forward* via a class listserv that has a message on the top telling you to be sure to scroll through all of the many headers with long lists of e-mail addresses before you reading the full message at the end, because it will blow your mind. The message at the end was something about how this is a cautionary tale about how diseases like HIV can spread so quickly to so many people - imagine if this e-mail being forwarded was an infection!
As it happens, I had just dropped the class. So I wrote back something along the lines of "who goes around intentionally and consciously infecting everyone they know with a serious disease and then asks them all to pass it along?" And then I asked to be unsubscribed from the list.
*This was maybe the second year when all students at my college had university given e-mails. There were a lot of e-mail forwards. E-mail was so cool!
142: But make sure the other schmuck wasn't a necrophiliac serial killer.
I'm sure everyone here uses their disabilities for good and not evil.
I use mine as an excuse not to go to the bar in pubd. Seems good to me.
I once had a blind lawyer on the other side of a case. Whatever difficulties this might have presented him were, it seemed to me, far outweighed by his being (a) arrogant and (b) stupid.
But he could track you by the sound of your heartbeat, right?
God it must be awful being a blind American lawyer. Not only are you blind (and a lawyer) but you also have to put up with all the Daredevil jokes.
Damn, it's been two days and almost 40 comments since 110 and I was amazed I'd get to make the joke, but no, ajay beat me to it. Clearly I'm falling through on my Unfogged-reading duty. Although I'd note that LB's blind lawyer is explicitly in New York, unlike CharleyCarp's, who isn't.
God it must be awful being a blind American lawyer. Not only are you blind (and a lawyer) but you also have to put up with all the Daredevil jokes.
I was trying to figure out how to work the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was into the comment thread somehow.
I was representing a bank. We're not encouraged to even have hearts. But yes, this fellow was from Providence. Old world shadows hung heavy in the air.
133: "Please think of sending this to at least ten people including the one who sent it to you."
?!
