Re: The Beards

1

Both met and married their husbands in (non-Austin) Texas. One has since moved to a blue state, however.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 8:28 AM
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Delurking to say my wife had this feeling about an old friend's husband. Yesterday the friend messaged to say that her husband is gay, had met someone else, and they will be divorcing. They tell their high school aged kids on Sunday.

I don't know the couple well, but I feel awful about it. I don't think the friend's background (conservative Catholic) is making this bad situation any easier.

I know this is my wife's to handle and she knows her friend best. I just wish I saw a way for her friend and the family to get through things with as few mental abrasions as possible.


Posted by: Blank Stare | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:24 AM
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There's probably a way to make an app to disrupt the field of pondering the sexuality of your friends and acquaintances. Beardr? Anyway, I'm thinking you list your significant other and your Facebook friends can vote anonymously. They can also send you an anonymous suggestion to list the person.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:38 AM
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I thought this would be a Mast Brothers post.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:40 AM
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The chocolate thing?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:41 AM
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Gaydr?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:43 AM
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Gaydr?

Soooo last decade.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:50 AM
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8

The whole idea is retro anyway


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:54 AM
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What you really need is a way for everybody at the wedding to make secret bets about the reason the marriage will blow up (sexuality, alcoholism, gambling debts, etc.) that are only revealed if there is a divorce.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 9:57 AM
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9: doesn't everyone do this already?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:07 AM
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Not in a way where you can definitively prove that you were right.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:10 AM
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Somewhat related: I have 22yo cousin who came out to the family two years ago. (Prior to that, he was out in a more limited way to friends.)

The cousin's dad (my uncle) is convinced that it's "just a phase," which I find both hilarious and very sad. The dad already had a bit of a "little man" complex and now seems to be taking his son's sexuality as a reflection of his own manhood—as if he failed as a father somehow, since his son ended up gay. Anyway, I hope the uncle gets over himself soon.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:21 AM
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You haven't met either of the husbands? Where is the vibe coming from?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:31 AM
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Theres a betting book provided at a lot of weddings. Big fancy pen, everyone writes in it, you wish the couple luck...


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:44 AM
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a Mast Brothers post

I kind of love that whole fiasco.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:47 AM
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Image-management related. I've come to the point where I immediately feel sorry for couples who post cheerful photos of themselves alongside phrases like "So in love!" or "So blessed!" "There's some shit going down there," I automatically think, which of course may or may not be true; it's just that this seems often to turn out to be the case, like when on being recently reunited with a close and now twice-divorced friend who used to do this, I discovered that her ex-husband in her "So in love" and "So blessed" pictures had been a nutcase who regularly beat and abused her.


Posted by: Lord Castock | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:50 AM
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Totally totally superficial and judgmental. I'm almost embarrassed to explain what I'm using as cues.

1. She's super extremely cliche Texan - think rhinestone crosses, bottle blond. He's significantly better looking, in a very crisp, clean urban way. Their body language always looks...lopsided to me. New baby, heavy on religion.
2. She is very conventional and j. crew-ish and he looks grungey seattle clean cut earrings pretty way. New babies, a decent dose of religion. He is mostly absent from all photos but popped up for christmas.

I told you it was super, super terrible and judgmental. Both women seem like such convenient foils. (Where the fuck do I get off, anyway.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:53 AM
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Also what Castock says.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 10:54 AM
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I just saw a study (was it any good? no idea) that people who lurk on Facebook are generally happier than people who post on it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:11 AM
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Yeah, I dunno. I'd go with the 'Then I feel bad for not letting the husband just be whoever the hell he is, without judgment. Just let them give off whatever vibe they give without inferring anything about their private life' option if at all possible.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:20 AM
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On the other hand, if you assume the most luridly awful disfunctional relationship imaginable going on beneath the happy facade, you'll eventually either be pleasantly surprised or get to say "I knew it all along". Win-win!


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:25 AM
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"Pick one player at random. Every other player says why they think that player's marriage is doomed. You score one point for everyone who agrees with your guess. If the player selected is the bride or groom, points are doubled."


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:37 AM
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20: you are right that I'm being an asshole! You are wrong in that I am not asking for advice.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:39 AM
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I didn't think you were. 20 was just my way of saying that this thread makes me uncomfortable. Speculating about who's secretly gay makes me uncomfortable. That's all, over and out.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 11:51 AM
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I have friends who are always posting about being #soblessed #foreverlove #bestfriends and even maintain some kind of actively gruesome Twitter feed under their (diabetes-inducing) pet names for one another that condescends to instruct others on the ways of #foreverlove. If I didn't know them as well as I do, I would flat out assume he beat her or something based on that mess.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:26 PM
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26

beards? seems a little judgey, but why is it your concern?


Posted by: maura | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:30 PM
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27

I would flat out assume he beat her or something based on that mess.

At a minimum one of them is a serial cheater.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:38 PM
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26: I'm just thinking I should probably intervene.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:50 PM
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Just tell each wife her husband's having an affair with the other wife. That way everyone's free to go their way with no complications!


Posted by: Awl | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:53 PM
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You should invite the acquaintances in question to a dinner party and then spend the evening finding subtle, wacky ways to demonstrate their S.O.'s are into Queer Guy Culture things like Clay Aiken and the Miss Universe pageant. The climax of the evening would come when you pop in a Blu-Ray of a beloved Quentin Tarantino classic, but oops! It's "Drill Bill" instead of Kill Bill! Watch the mesmerized expressions on the hubbies' faces and the dawning realization on their wives', then provide them a printed invoice for relationship therapy. Game, set and match.


Posted by: Lord Castock | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 12:56 PM
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From what I see, just advice columnists usually say you should butt out of whatever the issue is in other people's marriages. But maybe try the new Dear Prudence. She seems open to meddling. She has twice told people they could steal a dog.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 1:02 PM
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It would be irresponsible not to intervene.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 1:37 PM
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33

And a free dog would cushion the blow.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 1:52 PM
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34

You could separately ask each of the husbands to help you prove the other is gay by going on a "fake" date.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 2:16 PM
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I feel certain 34 will soon be the premise of an actual reality show. (Also, "Beardr" is genius.)


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 2:30 PM
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36

Facebook probably already knows if people are gay. They have algorithms. And browsing history.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 2:53 PM
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37

Just see who reads Tom and Lorenzo?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 3:09 PM
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Why do all these homosexuals keep banging my wife?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 3:42 PM
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39

I know a former baptist preacher that came out as transsexual. And then he and his wife just became old lady friends. Still live together and all.


Posted by: Trivers | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 4:08 PM
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40

Congratulations Heebie. It looks like your post from 2014 is a sleeper hit.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 5:07 PM
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41

Post-breakup Facebook updates are not much easier to craft than not-explicitly-noting-the-awful-relationship ones were, I'm finding.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:19 PM
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42

I just did a snowman.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:21 PM
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43

Did you use protection?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:28 PM
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44

Can snowmen consent?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:32 PM
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45

No. Yes.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:35 PM
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||

Turns out the lines aren't "when we're in the scullery room / who will follow whom" after all.

|>


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-26-15 6:36 PM
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47

I simply assumed y'all are into the kinkiest relationships ever culled from the pages of Penthouse Forum. I don't have to speculate, I just look at the chart I drew up to keep it all organized.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:12 AM
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even maintain some kind of actively gruesome Twitter feed under their (diabetes-inducing) pet names for one another that condescends to instruct others on the ways of #foreverlove.

😳


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:18 AM
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49

If " :-\" was good enough for F. Scott Fitzgerald, it's good enough for you.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:35 AM
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8-0


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 2:15 PM
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51

There's a couple I know from the arts scene who had to postpone their wedding due to unspecified issues, but then they got married, and I am pretty sure they are both straight, but they had a baby a few months ago, and all the Facebook posts about the baby are treacly in the extreme -- do you think the baby might be abusive?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:21 PM
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They all are.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:26 PM
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53

But yes, in all seriousness, there's a certain brand of baby sap that makes me suspect a very colicky baby.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:33 PM
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54

52 was serious.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:36 PM
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How much baby sap do you need to get really syrupy?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:39 PM
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And where do you put the tap?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:54 PM
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That's not sap.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 8:54 PM
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do you think the baby might be abusive?

Well, babies are like puppies, Natilo. All cute and cuddly and wide-eyed in their innocence, and that's how they draw you in. But you never know when they might chew up your favourite pair of shoes, or take a leak on your living room carpet, or something horrible like that.

Abusive? Maybe so. But it's just the laws of nature in operation, I guess. The most recent-born generation is always the most likely to extend into a future generation, and must therefore always take precedence.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:34 PM
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59

Yeah but some of those shoes can last a really long time.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:35 PM
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59: Well, sure. Unless you make the mistake of bringing home a baby, or a puppy.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:40 PM
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Wait. Why are your shoes in the crib or your baby in the closet.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:43 PM
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I forgot the OP. The baby is in the closet to visit her dad.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:44 PM
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Why are your shoes in the crib

It's attachment parenting, Moby. The baby's sling of course doubles as the filter for an espresso machine.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:49 PM
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GEDDIT? The shoes can "LAST" a long time?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:53 PM
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A babysitter should stick to his last.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:55 PM
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For a long time, I thought that "cobbler, stick to thy last" meant something like: cobbler, you just keep on cobbling, like, to the end, stick it out to the last bit of possible cobbling. Like basically: "cobbler, keep on truckin'". I don't know why I thought it was "thy" last (or rather, I do know that I couldn't make sense of that).


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 10:55 PM
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"The cobbler's kids go barefoot" is what my mother always said.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:04 PM
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68

That would seem to have another meaning entirely.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:09 PM
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'There isn't a pocket in a shroud" was another of my mum's sayings. My mother had her own system of reference to probably a whole other system of meaning.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-27-15 11:14 PM
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Someone I know ran away with his best friend's wife. Their Facebook feed is best described as 'uxorious', with an element of exhibitionism. Basically, rubbing her ex's face, and the face of all of their friends about how much in love they are, how 'hot' he thinks she is, and how much sex they are having. It's boak-worthy.*

* http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boak


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:48 AM
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69: that saying would be pretty familiar to me, as a more vivid version of "you can't take it with you".


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 7:00 AM
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If the ancient Egyptians could take it with them, I don't see why I can't.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 7:29 AM
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70 -- sometimes the decline of shame and guilt in matters sexual feels like it has its costs.

More generally, though, while overcompensating is definitely a thing, I'm generally inclined to believe that people who project as happy and successful on Facebook are in fact happy and successful. Maybe that's naive, but the alternative reeks of "this rich/attractive/apparently very happy person is really unhappy/stupid/pursued by inner torment, glad I'm not him!" which 90% of the time is just a comforting delusion to alleviate envy.


Posted by: R Tigre | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 9:47 AM
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More generally, though, while overcompensating is definitely a thing, I'm generally inclined to believe that people who project as happy and successful on Facebook are in fact happy and successful

Well, sure. For now. Because they are naive or are overlooking their own flaws or their spouse's flaws. Or they can't see the doom that is hurdling toward their currently happy marriage.

That is what makes it so much fun. We see the intersection in the future that they are ignoring.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 9:57 AM
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I'm generally inclined to believe that people who project as happy and successful on Facebook are in fact happy and successful. Maybe that's naive, but the alternative reeks of "this rich/attractive/apparently very happy person is really unhappy/stupid/pursued by inner torment, glad I'm not him!" which 90% of the time is just a comforting delusion to alleviate envy.

Maybe, but shouldn't the unhappy and unsuccessful be allowed a comforting delusion?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 9:57 AM
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That is what makes it so much fun. We see the intersection in the future that they are ignoring.

will knows how to comfort the bitter and lonely!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 10:00 AM
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The blissfully unaware and those who purposefully do not look too closely at their spouse's flaws are probably doing marriage the right way.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 10:05 AM
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75 - yes! That is why my billion dollar social media idea is for schadenfreude-book (that's the concept, the site name will be "urnotsobad.com") where an algorithm cherry-picks negative information about friends, relatives, acquaintances and celebrities for you from social media and the public internet and serves it up in maximally comforting form.


Posted by: R Tigre | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 10:08 AM
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53: Or a certain kind of mommy-sap that makes me suspect that the poster would rather have an office job than stay home with the kids. #mostimportantjobintheworld #goals


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 10:35 AM
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I'm not content if only my spouse is willing to not look too closely at my flaws.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 11:40 AM
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81

My mother was my father's beard. I didn't know my dad was gay as a kid, I just assumed cross-dressing and love of musical theater, Barbara Streisand, interior decorating, and fashion were common straight male interests. Lots of the other "straight" men we knew were secretly gay too. Most of them ended up amicably divorcing after 30 years of marriage, and I imagine my parents would have too if my dad hadn't died of AIDS in the early 90s.


Posted by: Presidential | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:27 PM
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In that kind of arrangement do the partners have extramarital lovers? Or does that make the beard, uh, too patchy?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:32 PM
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I'm sorry, Presidential.

Ive told this before but my most recent ex-significant other's first husband was gay. It made the split easier for her bc she knew it wasn't something she had any control over.

It is shameful the pressure that we placed on people to pretend to be straight. (place)


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:33 PM
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Are there any good stats on percentage of the population that's closeted, and how that's changed over time? Stories like 81 -- it's not that it doesn't happen at all any more, given all the evangelical pastors out there. But you have to hope (and assume) that it's happening a lot less, now that it's easier being out.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:42 PM
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Sorry, Prez. I have several friends who grew up with gay parents whose secrets did a number on them, which I've tried to learn from, though time will tell. Mara would like me to find a boyfriend and never say the word "girlfriend" in public in any context. It's fascinating to watch how their feelings and preferences evolve, but they know I'm not normal even as our little family unit is essentially their normal. It's hard stuff to balance even without deliberate deception, but maybe all families are like that.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:54 PM
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81: I have an extended family member (male, late 20's) who I'm fairly certain is closeted. He got married this summer to a woman. He isn't religious and his family isn't homophobic so it's really hard for me to understand why he would choose to do this. His family is, however, good Midwestern folk and are culturally quite "straight" and I surmise that he values the benefits of continuing to exist peaceably in that culture rather than live out his sexuality in society that is foreign to him.

Until it becomes stifling to him in 10, 20, or 30 years and the whole artifice comes crashing down in dramatic fashion, of course.


Posted by: Presidentialette | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 12:56 PM
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87

To 84, not 81.


Posted by: Presidentialette | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:00 PM
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88

To 84, not 81.


Posted by: Presidentialette | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:00 PM
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I feel more for her than him, unless she knows. Or you're wrong about the guy.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:00 PM
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90

I've been nominated for Top Doctor Winter 2015 award. So, that means I'm brilliant or my spam filter sucks.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:05 PM
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90: Sure, you might have bagged the Top Doctor nomination, but Who's Who in High Education plans to include me in their 2016 edition!*

*Provided that I buy at least 2 copies.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:18 PM
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Not "higher"? That is an accomplishment.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:21 PM
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It's ok. The relationship wasn't open, my dad just had lovers behind my mother's back. She found out when he contracted HIV, and made the decision to stay and raise the kids together and tolerate his at-that-point-long-term lover. She says the marriage was still good after that point. When I was young my dad took my brother and me to meet him, introducing him as his good friend. It wasn't until I was older I learned from my mom that was his boyfriend, who also died of AIDS around the same time.

The hardest thing psychologically was on his deathbed, my dad made us promise never to tell anyone he died of AIDS. This was a month before the movie Philadelphia came out, and AIDS was still a pariah disease. It's understandable that my dad was worried he'd lose his job and insurance and friends if he told anyone his real illness, but it is hard to tell kids to lie for the rest of their lives, and it was in part rooted in some level of self loathing.


Posted by: Presidential | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:23 PM
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Well, I've been included in Who's Not for the 20th consecutive year! And I only had to buy 3 copies each year (but I buy extra anyway to send to my nephews and nieces)


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:25 PM
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Have airplanes with usb ports become common and I've just not seen one before or is this a special plane?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:47 PM
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Alaska has been putting them in a lot of their planes. Regular power outlets too.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:52 PM
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A baby took a huge dump and we've been at the gate for a half hour with no movement. Except the bowel kind.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 1:59 PM
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Just sitting here waiting for somebody else to shit so I have some new sensory input.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:21 PM
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Or the de-icing truck, whichever is easier.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:30 PM
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100

Just urine so far.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:32 PM
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101

You picked a really shirty seat.


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:38 PM
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Shirty s/b shitty


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:39 PM
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103

I had a cousin, from a wingnut sub-branch of the family who died of AIDS in the early 90s. His wife had died a few years before he did but we'd been told she'd died of cancer. My aunt and uncle tried to keep his condition secret until my cousin was very near death at which point they sent out a letter saying he had AIDS and that AIDS had also killed his wife. There was a long paragraph about "We have no idea where he got it! Could've been a past relationship of either his or his wife's! Or surgery maybe!" So I basically had long assumed he was closeted due to wingnutty macho (if not really religious) parents. I mentioned this recently to a brother who answered, "What? No. They were both junkies and everybody knew that." Oh.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:45 PM
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104

What's a baby supposed to do when a flight is three hours late?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:46 PM
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Poop.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:51 PM
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104: In the immortal words of Tommy Pickles, "A baby's gotta do, what a baby's gotta do".


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 2:52 PM
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85: Does she feel the same way about Lee?


Posted by: J, Robot | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 4:33 PM
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His family is, however, good Midwestern folk and are culturally quite "straight"

I've known some of those. This one guy in my Russian class Freshman year came out the next year, and I ran into him at a party, and he was telling people about how the first time he'd walked into a gay country western bar and seen men dancing together had been even worse (yeah) than the first time he kissed a guy. I guess the change of identity is a big deal. I wouldn't know, having been a big homo since maybe 16 and sort of a fag before that anyway.

Whatever, guys like that will provide hot hookups for gays who get something out of believing they've blown a straight guy. Sorta win/win/lose/lose.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 4:41 PM
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I don't know what you've heard, but something is supposed to come out.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 5:03 PM
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After all this long day, I'm going to miss my next flight because there's no fucking gate open.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 5:20 PM
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107: Right now they're all pretty conflicted about Lee on non-gender-related fronts and I think most of the focus is there, though I haven't pressed her in it at all.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 5:25 PM
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I was talking to my girlfriend about this thread, and she sent along The Recollectors, a site dedicated to children telling the stories of parents they lost to AIDS.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 5:40 PM
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Adult children, that is.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 5:43 PM
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114

The first hour on the ground after landing was frustrating, but I think the second might be an improvement, the way Empire Strikes Back was better than Star Wars.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:05 PM
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115

To be clear, on the ground and in the plane.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:05 PM
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116

|| No more masturbating to Lemmy Kilmister Motörhead.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:11 PM
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117

I'm so sorry, Prez. Getting ready to read The Recollectors now. I bearded for my best friend / boyfriend all through high school. He died of HIV/aids in 2001. I miss him no less each year. The best thing about bearding was that we were kids enough that it felt like a game of top secret super spy games, and it kept me from confronting my own fears around consent / non-consent, bullshit expectations, my own queer-ness. The worst moment was the night one of the many creepy older men (the closet covers for abuse too) sneered at me for being the ignorant beard (I did cultivate an ingenue look as another kind of protection). I hope kids have it better now .


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:20 PM
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118

116: Loaded up Space Ritual


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:31 PM
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119

Re: 116

Shit, two members in a few weeks.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:38 PM
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120

God damn. Kinda seemed like it was coming, but still, he felt immortal.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:40 PM
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121

Is that the guy who lived on cigarettes, whiskey, and steak?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:42 PM
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122

Yes. When the cancer diagnosis happened he switched to vodka.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:44 PM
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123

I wonder what the Rainbow will be like tonight. One of my recs for tourists for years was to go there for a drink to see Lemmy, often playing a video game.


Posted by: Roberto Tigre | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:47 PM
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124

Clear liquors aren't healthy in large amounts.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 6:47 PM
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125

I'm so sorry, Presidential. I don't know how old you were when your dad died, but that deathbed promise sounds like a heavy psychological burden for anyone (of whatever age) to bear.


Posted by: Just Plain Jane | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 7:10 PM
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123 He had learnt of the disease on 26 December, and was at home, sitting in front of his favorite video game from The Rainbow which had recently made it's way down the street, with his family.



Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 12-28-15 7:45 PM
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127

the second might be an improvement, the way Empire Strikes Back was better than Star Wars.

Careful. If you put it that way, it implies that the plane flight equivalents of the prequels are somewhere in your future...


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 12-29-15 7:53 AM
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128

It will all be worth it for the flight 35 years in the future with Carrie Fisher.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 12-29-15 9:22 AM
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129

Mara would like me to find a boyfriend and never say the word "girlfriend" in public in any context.

Ouch. How much does she really understand of what she is saying and how that makes you feel?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12-30-15 7:40 AM
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130

129: I don't think she's trying to hurt me with any of this and I'm not hurt just as I'm not when she wishes she hadn't been adopted or if she had to be adopted that at least I'd be black. It's genuinely how she feels and I'm grateful she's honest about it. She has a lot of fear of losing caretakers and I know our breakup has exacerbated that. She's just seen our relationship fall apart and most of her friends with two parents have a mom and dad, so I think it's more that she's hedging her bets than internalized homophobia or anything like that.

The ban on saying "that was her girlfriend" is maybe more like that, but I've always assumed they'd go through stages of wanting to be more closeted and I will never ask them to lie about out family history or composition but won't stop them from not being forthright when that feels more convenient or necessary. But none of that makes me feel offended or unloved.

Nia, by contrast, is very offended that Lee keeps claiming that celebrities in People magazine are her new girlfriend, which Nia disapproves of since it's been years and years since she herself was ready to marry the Biebs, but she was also clear that any girlfriend of Lee's would NOT be her mom. (She only provisionally thinks of Lee as her mom anyway, and I think her mental schema for a family is mom plus mom's partner. So Lee could be in the latter role but isn't allowed to push into the former by virtue of having a partner herself.)


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 12-30-15 8:42 AM
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