Ah, subtype codes. We used to see stuff like that splashed all over people's signatures on Usenet, back in the day. Wow.
Pretty disappointing. I was hoping it would be like those other tests and give me the name of some famous gay dude I resembled.
Hey, have you guys heard of Michelle Shocked?
I'm dying for a hanky code joke, but I can't make one work.
I was thinking red, maybe. Worn in the right pocket, of course. It would explain that picture of the swelling from his "cancer."
ML -- you haven't seen the beard in about a week. The terrain changes fast.
I can't be the only person here who filled in the form and generated a code.
B0 cd e f- r s+
I filled it out for my bearish beau: B5 c+d- e f- g++ k++ m+ q- r+ s- w
They didn't have options to include me, like "nine feet tall" and "white, silky fur all over."
I'm a sad panda (ducks):
B0 c-d e++ f-- g- k-- m q r-- s-- t+ w-
It specifically says it's not talking about, you know, willies there, right? Right?*
*Note to self: Don't take these things after hours of listening to mindless lectures.
**You know, because upon re-reading, it is talking about willies and you look immodest. Not to mention "like a liar."
Did you think it was just asking, like, how "big" you are, generally, and whether "even straight men" are "impressed" by your "bigness," in a way that's disambiguated from height and belly size?
21: Yep, like "We're not talking about LENGTH here, but whether you'd ever consider going to Dodger Stadium to watch the Mets clinch the League Championship Series when you knew you'd be a lone black cap in a sea of Dodger blue," to which I thought "BOY HOWDY PLUS PLUS PLUS!"
Like I said somewhere else recently presciently, "I'm never afraid to sound like an idiot because I assume I always do." See, I'm an idiot, not a liar...
Yes, it's true, it does neglect to ask explicitly about the size of one's balls. Balls plus plus!
Scratch that: I thought they meant something more metaphysical, like "attitudinal size."
On a completely unrelated note, I think I ought to double-check those four pages I wrote this morning. Something tells me they may not have been too sharp...
Isn't the teabag unit of measure pots of tea?
No, I think that's watersports.
Actual line overheard this weekend: "What part of me pissing in her mouth and then leaving the hotel room made her think I wanted her to come visit me?"
Those religious scholars!
The transubstantiation, of course.
Actually, the person who said it wasn't a religion scholar, but the story seemed funnier that way.
Metaphorical balls, why not? Physical balls, I could not care less. There was a spate of testicle-enlargement spam a while back, and it mystified me. Are there lots of people who sit around fretting over the size of their nuts?
Ah, metaphorical balls++, now that makes sense. Testicle-enlargement sounds incredibly uncomfortable.
Testicle-enlargement sounds incredibly uncomfortable
Perhaps, but when it's time to nut up…
But you can decorate your But Big Balls with peace signs!
36 was me; the laptop doesn't want Unfogged to remember me...
Holy crap, the picture in 36 is disturbing. What in the hell is going on there?
Evidently, the gentleman in question injected 900cc of saline solution into his scrotum, painted himself with peace signs and when to the Anarchists' Book Fair.
I've seen a scrotal inflation IRL; 'tweren't anything I do to my balls. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
I think ball size is one of these things guys worry about a lot more than women do. I mean, I'll appreciate them if they're remarkable in some way, but it's not like they do anything particularly cool.
But really, do many guys even give much thought to the issue? I'm skeptical.
41: I think guys with enormous balls think about them pretty often, as do guys who've lost one to cancer.
41: nobody i've ever heard of, no.
The normal range is pretty wide, and I don't know why you'd want enormous balls. Normal-sized ones get in the way enough as it is.
"Dammit, I closed my enormous balls in the car door again. Ouch."
Those guys in AC/DC seemed to attach a lot of importance to testicle volume.
I think the guy in 36 actually has a UT Longhorn, enhearted, on the side of the sack. Must be local.
Nah, I take it back. That doesn't make sense, with the green and yellow. Plus it looks like fall there.
Does Deditrix's 39 assert that the fellow pictured periodically injects his scrotum with saline, and that furthermore on one of these occasions he had a tattoo inflicted upon himself while in the inflated state?
So that when he's deflated, the drawing looks all puckered and scrunched up? He's like a balloon animal.
I saw an unfixed ram once, and theirs seem to weigh 1-2 lbs. each. The ram couldn't have weighed more than 300 lb.
Perhaps after hundreds of years of selection for virility, they're pretty specialized to that task.
Jared Diamond has a bit in one of his books (I think it's The Third Chimpanzee) that talks about penis/testicle size ratios in mammals. Apparently most mammals are highly biased to one end or the other of the scale; humans are unusual in that we're pretty much in the middle.
I have nowhere to go with this... I just thought I'd throw it out there.
I have a fetish for mediumness in all physical attributes. It's the craziest thing, it seems. All the straight ladies and gay dudes I know are into bigness or littleness in every male physical part, but I definitively like medium everything. It's rather hard to get everything sized medium.
I'd like a fast food chain that asks, "Would you like that normal-sized?"
Lovers of mediocrity have a wide selection to choose from. (I don't know where the skin rashes fit into that line).
In fact, as a connoisseuse of mediumness, I'd argue that it's actually rather difficult to find.
"Lovers of mediocrity have a wide selection" stands in direct opposition to "It's rather hard to get everything sized medium".
In fact, as a connoisseuse of mediumness, I'd argue that it's actually rather difficult to find.
I don't know how that happened. Sorry for doubling.
I don't really care about ball size one way or the other, but big ones are kinda entertaining, for a few minutes at least.
You are not the only connoiseuse of mediumness, AWB. I also like medium.
My new beau has a falsie. Teh cancer.
I can say that over-large balls are not something guys want. Due to some...hormonal issues, I had over-large balls for a while and let me tell you, "uncomfortable" doesn't begin to describe the experience. For anyone who spends much of their time seated, balls of unusual size make life very, very difficult. Women can simulate this by donning a pair of briefs, sticking two tennis balls in them, then trying to sit comfortably. Can't be done. Now, imagine the same experiment performed with the most pressure-sensitive area of your body and you can see why such a trait wouldn't be desired and shouldn't be selected for.
You all deserve one million hugs for the word "conoisseuse".
Was that a Princess Bride ref, SEK?
In T-shirts, large is the new medium.
Medium testicles are the new black.
69: You may think so, JE, but I have dated me some medium-sized men and have made it my personal quest to put medium-sized men in T-shirts and sweaters marked M, not L. We must not allow the medium-sized to feel largeness envy!
68: No, unfortunately, that was a cancer reference. I just didn't want to seem throw a pity party. (But the experiment, it really works. That is what it's like to have swollen...I think I'm going to take your implicit advice and start commenting here as "SEK.")
Medium testicles are the new black.
What are black testicles?
Testicles belonging to a black man?
70 works on so many levels!
72: I'm sorry, SEK. My fellow just went through that about three months ago, just before I met him, and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the aftermath.
Crap, yes, "of unusual size" was a Princess Bride reference. Have I mentioned that sleep ain't for me of late?
Any progress on the rashy front?
Jesus. Seriously, fuck cancer. I'm glad that AWB's beau, and SEK, and ogged are all cancer-free, but honestly, can we stop having people, especially young people, get cancer now? KTHXBYE
79: Not since I last asked you guys about it. Every time we have sex, we end up waiting like a week to see each other again, which blows, but it's better than exacerbating the situation. I'll see him Friday.
We should get T-shirts that say "FUCK CANCER."
73: No worries, AWB. I'm fine now. And it wasn't testicular, it was thyroid. Swelled my lymph nodes like balloons. Just that no one mentioned wearing muscle shirts with swollen 'pits, so I went for the other lymph nodes...
P.S. Your fellow will adjust fine, I think. But no matter how much he thinks he shouldn't, group therapy's a good idea. You know how I feel about psychoanalysis, but the talking cure actually helped.
Lymph cancer's scary, man. I'm glad you got through it.
I think he thought it would give him a new-lease-on-life-type attitude, which partially explains his quickness in acting on his interest in me, but instead, I think he's not feeling great and has just been going to bed early a lot. This seems not like a solution to this bear.
Since we're talking about cancer, can I just say I'm terrified of breast cancer? My mother contracted it at 34, her sister at 35, two aunts on the other side in their forties (although they survived, my mother and her sister not so much), my grandma, and now another aunt?
Like, Jesus Fucking Christ, people. I've half a mind to get a pre-emptive double mastectomy and just say "fuck it."
I think he thought it would give him a new-lease-on-life-type attitude
Once that "I won't wake up tomorrow morning with a death sentence" feeling fades, the new-lease-on-life attitude will kick in...which is why I recommend he talk to other survivors. The pure physical reinforcement represented by the bodies of fellow survivors helps with that.
I think he's not feeling great and has just been going to bed early a lot.
It's what I called the "why even start this book" syndrome. For a couple of months, I only re-read things, as I was afraid that I wouldn't make it to the end of something new. (Yes, I know, I've been mocked already. But Billy Crystal ain't got nothing on me.) Eventually, that particular oppression will lift, I promise. The thing about your body turning against you is, well, you body turned against you. It takes a while before you trust it not to fuck you over again.
86 - I'm positive for one of the breast cancer mutations, and will be getting a prophylactic masectomy after I have kids. With a family history like that, you should seriously get tested. At least if you're Ashenazi Jewish you should.
86: Just be vigilant. Compare the price of a mammogram to that of your peace of mind. So long as you're in a high risk zone, go with the mammogram. I've spent way too much money on unnecessary procedures to make sure I'm still healthy. Maybe that's not healthy, in and of itself, but if it's the difference between a night in West Hollywood and a month of sleep, I'll take it.
I'm definitely not Ashkenazi Jewish. However, I do plan to get tested, although I don't know that I really want to know about the mutations. What is it going to tell me? I already know I'm at risk. Even if I don't have either of the mutations, I still have to be vigilant. So, I don't know.
I have a referral to go get a risk assessment at some fancy "breast center" from my doctor, which I have put off making an appointment for months, for reasons that aren't clear to me. I just keep thinking, goddamnit, I'm 24! I don't want to worry about this shit now!
89 - One exception. If you get tested with a family member who had early breast cancer, and they're positive and you're negative, then you can relax and not be so vigilant. I knew that the mutation ran in our family.
It's what I called the "why even start this book" syndrome.
I think he's at the point where he's not afraid of dying anymore, but that fear did make him lose track of a lot of his favorite things, like working out and writing a lot. Now that he's pretty aware that he'll live, he keeps expecting to want to go back to those things, but just hasn't yet. I imagine it will take time. Of course, therapy would help. I suck at talking people into therapy, though.
M, half of me says just get the masectomy and be done with it. At least I'm tempted to sometimes.
I wrote a post about it a few weeks ago, but I don't know how to put links in the comments, so I'm using the link built into my name at the bottom of the comment to go to that entry.
AWB, send him some links to some of my anti-psychoanalytic diatribes, tell him to Ctrl-F for "Psychoanalysis The Movie," then say "this guy found group therapy helpful." I didn't think it would--and rolled my eyes through half the session--but if folks like Alameida and I can benefit from it, he probably can too.
Also, we ought to start a Cafe Press site or something and make shirts that read:
UNFOGGED SAYS:FUCK CANCER
I'm with you, SEK. I was dead-set against therapy of all kinds my whole life until I needed it. It was even bad therapy, and it seriously helped. Last time I hung out with the fellow, I asked him if he thought he might be depressed, and he said he wasn't sure, that he didn't feel depressed most of the time. It's hard for me to say something because I don't know him very well, and I know his roommate (whom I've known for like 8 years) is watching out for him, but I'll definitely bring up the fact that it helped you get out of that rut.
AWB, go for it, just don't make it sound like you're forcing him. No, that's not easy, but yes, it'd probably help. Death sucks the joy out of life via constant specter, and the only way to rid yourself of that is to see that people you know already have. Tell him it's not about the analysis so much as shaking the hands of fellow survivors...and now I sound like a know-it-all. Take this all with a grain of salt, as I'm an anti-social bug anyway and probably not the best test subject for normal folks.
But yes, upon preview, "CUCK FANCER!" works much better. Where's Ogged when you need him to set up an account for you? Sleeping off his fancer, probably...
heebie-geebie, just clicked on the link, and that sounds like a wonderful idea. Why fill yourself with another carcinogenic agent when you can decorate yourself with non-toxic fair?
97: Well, he's not so normal as all that. In fact, it's hard for me to tell where the semi-awkward insecure dude stops and the holy-fuck-memento-mori problems start, which is why I may appeal to the roommate's superior knowledge.
This T-shirt is going to end up triple-encrypted, d00dz.
90: Go and get the assessment already -- you'll feel better once it's over with. And yeah, unfair that you have to worry about this at 24, but if you get the assessment maybe that will save you some worry down the road.
Solidarity! If anyone here comes to the MLA, just approach the guy with the "CUCK FANCER!" shirt. It'll be me...unless I'm wearing my "a rat always knows when he's in with weasels" shirt, but now you know that's me too.
But what if someone's wearing a CUCK FANCER! shirt while you're wearing your rat-with-weasels shirt? What if someone else has a rat-with-weasels shirt? You've instantly mired all MLA attendees in an epistemological morass from which there is no extrication.
ben, I'm friend to all cuck-fancers and rats-with-weaselers, so there'll be no quagmire.*
*You're still not getting the secret password, though.
Cuck-fancer? Cuck-fancerer? Alright, that's all from me tonight.
I think the phase you're looking for is "cock fancier."
You know what makes the gravy grander is coriander.
That and human flesh.
94: Are you envisioning it like one of those "Frankie Say" shirts?
'Cause we could do a whole line of "Ogged Say" shirts!
112: Exactly. We start a trend, become incredibly wealthy, then retire to some delicious island resort. Ogged Say Let's Do It!
This could be the yellow-lettered group project we've all been searching for!
36 is really disturbing. It reminds me of a video that I saw on My Alter Ego's blog (and linked to here) that was even worse.
You really must click on the second of two links that MAE warns against clicking. It's so much bigger than the puny one in 36, and the guy clearly sees his dick as some sort of performance art.
Everyone should thank BG and MAE for the experience of a lifetime.
Surprised noone's brought this up :-
www.geordie.co.uk/articles/viz/buster.htm
90 - Leblanc, I was sent to see a breast specialist last year after a lump I discovered (thankfully) turned out to be non-cancerous. I've got breast cancer all over my family tree, including my grandfather. The specialist actually told me that my risk was lower than I had expected (I'd pretty much assumed it was inevitable) and I went away feeling a lot more optimistic than I had going in.
