Does this video feature violence against a squirrel?
(I am too sensitive and squirrel-loving to watch it, if so.)
Breaking my religious hiatus to say that is sick and you should be ashamed of yourself for posting.
And the answer to 1 is "yes".
It depends on how you define "violence." I can imagine an adventurous squirrel paying for the experience.
Squirrels? I want to try that on the neighborhood children.
It does. I sort of wish I hadn't watched it. (Oh, it's possible that the squirrel is all right at the end, but certainly not clear.)
I think the squirrel's fine at the end. I suspect they land on their feet, much like cats.
Does this video feature violence against a squirrel?
Nothing that certain people don't voluntarily have done to themselves.
Oh, it's possible that the squirrel is all right at the end,
If by "all right" you mean "died instantly," sure, I guess that's possible.
I'm sure the squirrel is fine. Vermin are tough.
Reminds me of Zodiac, which I saw yesterday.
I really love squirrels, to the point of ridiculousness. I will often interrupt a walk (say, when we are already running late to work) to deliver an encomium to the charmingness of a passing squirrel, frequently more than once in a single trip. Poor Snark, he has a lot to put up with.
Ogged, you can fling me in your catapult, IYKWIM.
I agree with LizardBreath in 6. Does this mean that I have become a sissy, squirrel-loving liberal? I think not. But really, that video is not funny.
This may not reflect favorably on me, in light of 12, but I found the video very amusing.
I'm just traumatized by the plight of the poor squirrel.
And of course ogged would be, the monster.
Now I kind of feel bad for finding this funny.
I was staying at a B&B this weekend, and I did see a pair of squirrels frolicking in the yard in a very cute way: all chasing each other up trees, jumping and rolling around in the yard, and whatnot. So I can appreciate the cuteness of squirrels, and I'd never do this myself to a squirrel, but still: kinda funny.
I love squirrels dearly--to the extent that an x once renamed me sqrrl--but I am certain that this video is hilarious. Like all good cartoon violence, it gives you a plausible deniability about actual harm.
That said, I would never use such a contraption, because I am not sure what a "squirrel problem" is. Squirrels are only a problem for people who aren't willing to share birdseed with squirrels.
30: Yep, I reckon that is, in fact, a squirrel problem.
What if the squirrel is physically fine, but psychologically traumatized? I see him on a little couch, telling a squirrel shrink how he's too scared to go out looking for nuts anymore.
I watched in glee. The squirrels, they done me wrong, you see.
Is Brock giving up the blog for Lent? Forty days in the desert, tempted by Satan, yep, sounds about right.
For 33, Becks, you can squirrel-catapult my spider babies.
I have had the, wake-up-after-a-party-and-find-a-squirrel-in-your-house-eating-the-leftover-munchies-on-the-floor kind of squirrel problem. It is a problem, really.
I don't have any problems with squirrels myself—kinda like 'em, actually, though have never unwillingly shared a domicile with them—but that video is funny. Bet that squirrel was hella surprised.
I picture it squeaking WHAT THE FUCK!? at the top of its little squirrel lungs as it careens through the air.
Also, this story about a squirrel (Act Two: Squirrel Cop) unfailingly makes me fall over laughing uncontrollably.
Come to think of it, the way the guy explains why he and his partner go into the house to deal with the problem makes me of how ogged might act if he were a cop.
The story linked in 30 could have been avoided if Sausagely had only been able to keep a gun in the Flophouse.
Aw, you weenies, that squirrel was clearly fine. I mean, you know, did it suffer pain tantamount to organ death? Clearly not.
No shit: I checked in here immediately after reading this article about squirrel problems. Freaky.
Once one of the Mineshaft's own, via the Flophouse, has a "squirrel problem" causing a perfectly nice but emotional dog to bite her, THEN squirrels are a real problem.
And then another batch of squirrels kills a barking dog.
Problem? What problem?
though have never unwillingly shared a domicile with them
Each squirrel cell has a different MO. Some let you on to their presence, some prefer you remain unaware.
A friend of mine whose dad is a veterinarian there says that in Pennsylvania the main transmitters of rabies are squirrels. People trust squirrels and unfairly blame bats.
However, we mustn't assume that rabies is in some sense "bad". We should deal with what is, and not with what "should be".
You die of the degenerative nervous system infection you have, not the degenerative nervous system infection you wish you had.
the way the guy explains why he and his partner go into the house to deal with the problem makes me of how ogged might act if he were a cop
So right. I hope this ends well for him.
Every once in a while they signal to their distant comrades by standing upright, holding very still, and shrieking out these glissando yawps that stop your heart. It's a bad scene.
Cops frequently appoint one of their number to sit at the highest point in the region, scanning the horizon for danger while their fellows forage for grubs.
So that was a flying squirrel, yes?
Now that's an amazing story. See if I'm ever nice to a beautiful woman. Squirrel problem!
53: When grackles have sex, the female flips her tailfeathers up, points her beak straight up in the air, and tense until she starts quivering. The guy hops on and off in about 2 seconds.
You want to say, "Grackles! Could you set a better example?! Could you avoid the most cliched steroetypes?! People look to the world of nature for behavioral models."
"Squirrel Cop" is such a famous This American Life segment that they gave out flaming squirrel patches to NPR donors. I have one.
(sorry about the humorlessness there.)
Cops frequently appoint one of their number to sit at the highest point in the region, scanning the horizon for danger while their fellows forage for grubs.
As in the case of vervet monkeys, people of various intellectual disciplines have argued that the vocalizations that police produce in such circumstances are evidence for their having something akin to language, if not language itself.
(sorry about the humorlessness there.)
I regret none of my humorlesness.
Time to write another check to the Police Benevolent Association.
It's been forever since I've heard that This American Life segment. So good.
I'd never heard it before. What a story.
I live to serve. (Except you, Becks; you, clearly, don't need me.)
Squirrels = rats with furry tails
Bluebirds & Robins & Cardinals = rats with feathers.
They do, however, make for entertaining dog toys, tho they don't last long enough.
Just kidding. I have backyard squirrels that have entertained my dogs for years without ever getting caught. For hours a day, every day.
The Chinese name for squirrels is "pine rat" = "song-shu". They still seem to think they're cute, though.
Could someone paraphrase the story? I'm not wired for sound here.
Rookie cop and partner show up at house of rich young couple in response to animal scurrying noises in the attic. Partner says that's not a cop job, about to leave when stunning wife appears in the background, rookie cop says, "no matter, we'll do it." Examines attic, startled by squirrel, drops flashlight on nose of man of the house, drawing much blood. Squirrel runs down to living room, hides under couch. They try to flush it into a box, instead it dives into the lit fireplace, catches fire, goes back under couch. Couch catches fire, flipped over, put out with expensive throw pillows. Squirrel dead. Wife cries. Man of house says, "I can't think of any one thing you did wrong, but I can't thank you for this."
I was going to say it's not easily condensed, but I'm clearly wrong.
I'll tell you the life story of Solomon Grundy sometime.
My favorite part is when the cop describes the dead squirrel clinging to the undercarriage of the burning sofa as a lump of charred gristle, which they then "smear" around with the silk pillows they're using to beat out the fire. It's just the perfect grotesque detail.
If you could summarize Being and Time like that, I'd really appreciate it.
That's funny, since my first stab at 77 was "Being and Time: about being."
And the relationship between them.
Well no wonder the reading group fizzled. What else is there to say?
Somewhere I do have a one-paragraph summary of Being and Time. I'll look for it.
Somewhere I do have a one-paragraph summary of Being and Time. I'll look for it.
Great - I've got a barely-touched copy of Being and Time lying around here I'd like to take out of hiding; I'd like to be able to sound intelligent when people see it on my shelf.
Ah well, I found it, but it's not a one paragraph summary of Being and Time, it's a one paragraph summary of the first parts, particularly authenticity/inauthenticity. Sorry. It might be fun to try to write a one-paragraph summary though.
It might be fun to try to write a one-paragraph summary though.
Not unless that's a euphemism. For something fun.
Agree with M/tch. Ogged is going through perilous times.
Bluebirds & Robins & Cardinals = rats with feathers.
You forgot pigeons.
Isn't the German summarization method a 10-page paragraph made up of three sentences, one of which consists of three words?
91.--You forgot the systematic table of contents for the summarisation. Systematic tables of contents are very important to the Germans.
Man of house says, "I can't think of any one thing you did wrong, but I can't thank you for this."
This was the high point of the story -- the guy who's just had his nose bloodied, his pajamas ruined, and his couch set on fire in the middle of what was supposed to be a romantic evening struggling not to lose it, and managing to be fair about the whole thing. Just.
A squirrel recently invaded my house. The dogs saw it, a chase occured, and the squirrel ended up camped out in a hole behind a radiator. The dogs sat waiting patiently for the squirrel.
We finally found a woman with skinny arms who could reach behind the radiator, into the hole and grab the squirrel (with heavy leather gloves). She grabbed and pulled the squirrel out (biting her glove). I swopped a big net and grabbed it and raced out of the house.
If we hadnt convinced the woman to perform this task, I was dreading the possibility of having to kill the squirrel with some sharp device. Leaving the squirrel to come out and hopefully go into a trap was not viable since squirrels can do a LOT of damage to a house.
Your story confirms that dogs are useless when squirrels pose an actual threat.
Ogged is a sick bastard who clearly hasn't outgrown his salt-on-caterpillars, fire-hydrants-in-the-faces-of-strangers youth, no matter how much he lies.
The squirrel story on This Am Life, however, is hilarious. Tragic, but hilarious.
Fire EXTINGUISHERS in the faces of strangers. Please don't lump ogged in with all those white southern sheriffs.
96: I'll buy into the idea that squirrels outside are cute. Inside, they're sleep and property destroying party animals who have noisy orgies at 3am. Outside, they can live. Inside, they die, no quarter given.
Ogged is a sick bastard
Ogged may aspire to sick bastarddom, but he's got some serious work to do.
"96: I'll buy into the idea that squirrels outside are cute. Inside, they're sleep and property destroying party animals who have noisy orgies at 3am. Outside, they can live. Inside, they die, no quarter given."
Agreed. But how do you do the actual killing? As in war, killing an animal from a safe distance with a gun is vastly different from killing a squirrel at close distance with a sharp object. I was not enjoying the prospect.
By the way, I love This American Life.
Don't make me 12 you.
Is that the quickie version of "10 and 2 me, baby?"
We finally found a woman with skinny arms who could reach behind the radiator
I love this. Did you advertise on craigslist or just go into the street and stop size zero passers-by until one of them agreed to come back with you? "Excuse me Miss, would you like to help catch my squirrel?"
Is that the quickie version of "10 and 2 me, baby?"
Rather more complicated, actually.
"Excuse me Miss, would you like to help catch my squirrel?"
One more story. My family breeds monkeys. One of the baby monkeys was brought by my office. The next day, a very attractive woman who works in my building approaches me. We have seen each other, but never spoken. She walks up and says "I cannot believe that I missed the monkey. I want to touch your monkey!"
My eyebrows go up. She pauses, and says, "Yes, damnit! I said it. I want to touch your monkey!"
100: Oh, right. Sorry. Posting pre-coffee and under the gun in getting the kid up and out of here within an hour for a nine-hour drive home. Have I ever mentioned that PK gets carsick?
My family breeds monkeys.
Your family is completely fucking insane.
Or at least much more interesting than mine. What kind of monkeys? Or just assorted monkeys generally?
My family breeds monkeys.
Gah!
Hey, speaking of completely fucking insane, here's Jonah Goldberg:
But here's my primary objection: I don't care. There's something about The Enemy at Home that gets the Irish up, even in a guy named Goldberg. I can criticize and complain about my brother all I like, but if my brother bothers somebody outside the family, well, that's just too bad. Similarly, Ted Kennedy may or may not be a Caligulan carbuncle, but if the jihadists want to behead him for it, they'll have to get through me first.
That's right, jihadis! You'll have to go through Jonah "O.G." Goldberg to get Teddy Kennedy! Just you try it, suckas.
106: Happily, I already know how to play French Horn. I'd be stronger on the trumpet variant, though, and I'm fresh out of lederhosen. Leiderhosen? Whatevs.
You know, I bet Ted Kennedy is going to sleep better at night, knowing that.
"Your family is completely fucking insane."
On this point, we are in absolute agreement.
LB: capuchins, vervets, debrassa, squirrel monkeys, spider monkeys. and lemurs as well.
Please tell me they do this as part of some kind of zoo or research thing, rather than for people who want a damn lemur as a pet.
112: It's all a game to that idiot, isn't it?
"rather than for people who want a damn lemur as a pet."
No, no, no. Don't be silly. Most of the animals are sent to Republican hunting camps.
Oh, well, as long as it's for people who like to kill endangered species, that's all okay then.
My family breeds monkeys.
Thankfully not a euphemism.
squirrel monkeys
Bringing the thread full circle.
"Republican hunting camps" is great. Alternatively, the monkeys could be trained as courtiers and sent to Bohemian Grove.
Are there no needy organ grinders?
"Are there no needy organ grinders?"
I winced when I read that.
122: Exactly when is republican season, anyway?
125 -- have you been around the U.S. for the past 7 years? We're right in the middle of fucking Republican season, man.
my stepfather used to try to quench my youthful desire to have a pet monkey by explaining that they jerk off all the time and it's gross. is that true, or was he just fucking with me?
103: But how do you do the actual killing?
Seriously? With a Sheridan air-rifle in .22 caliber, or a Crossman CO2 pistol, depending on range and access.
I've had lots of practice with getting critters out of some delicate machinery, the first place an escaped lab rat on psychedelics would head for would be the darkest & warmest spot inside one of our old Offner recorders. Given I was the lab tech and therefore the most expendable, I'd get to locate, grab, and extract them without tearing up the wiring. I finally figured out that shooting them in place and then getting them out was much, much easier.
126: so do you have to buy tags or is the season open due to overpopluation?
128: first place an escaped lab rat on psychedelics would head for
Now my favorite comment ever.
Predicting the behavior of crazed rats is a surprisingly useful skill, applicable to a variety of real-world situations.
Inspired by Farber's visit yesterday:
Small mammals may fall from remarkable heights without injury. The reason is the ratio of surface area to mass. The density of mammal's flesh and bone is the same, mouse to elephant, but of course the surface area can vary by hundreds of times. Terminal velocity is effected by mass and air resistance, which is proportional to surface area. And furry animals with bushy tails, like many cats and squirrels, have that much more effective surface area.
The larger the animal, the greater its mass to surface area. This is the reason arctic animals are almost always larger than their temperate-zone cousins: relatively less surface to radiate heat away from the mass of the animal.
So a graduated scale of vulnerability to falls might be compiled for the animal kingdom. Mice could fall from any height, and hit the ground running. Rats might be stunned, and have the wind knocked out them, but they'll be ok. Most cats can handle a couple of stories easily, springing onto their feet. A dog might very well break bones, but would probably still be alive. A person, of course, would break open like a watermelon thrown to the ground.
OK. So what would happen to an elephant, falling from thousands of feet? It would explode, like a water balloon.
How do they know that, you may ask. Elephants were airlifted during WWII, to be used to assist troops advancing through difficult terrain in Burma. On at least one occasion a transport aircraft carrying an elephant came under Japanese fighter attack, and broke up in midair, so witnesses in other aircraft got to see this Letterman-like experiment.
This is a remembered story from Guy Murchie's Song of the Sky, a remarkable exploration of and meditation on the explosion of knowledge concerning the atmosphere and its environment that came out of WWII.
The guy who ran the hardware store in Carcross once had a ground squirrel trapped in his basement, so he called all the neighborhood boys in and offered whoever nabbed the squirrel five dollars. My dad actually cornered and caught the thing, but then the squirrel bit him and he had to spend the rest of the summer getting rabies shots in the stomach. He figures it wasn't worth it.
131: Observing the changes in those critters kept me from trying anything stronger than pot in the '60s even though we had a whole closet full of mind-altering goodies from Sigma Pharmaceuticals. Crazy & aggressive Norwegian Hooded rats are not as cute as the Disney flavor.
Learning to predicting the behavior of deranged PhDs was a more useful skill to acquire.
132: On Being The Right Size:
You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft; and, on arriving at the bottom it gets a slight shock and walks away, provided that the ground is fairly soft. A rat is killed, a man is broken, a horse splashes.
Having watched the video, there is practically no way those squirrels got hurt, unless the filmmaker's lawn is covered in spikes. You gotta figure that something that leaps vigorously between treetops can handle a nasty spill.
I'm not sure. I hope you're right, but I was looking at that thinking broken legs. Depends on what it hit, of course -- a tree-trunk, bad. A bush with a whole bunch of light flexible twigs, good.
I'd say the real danger would be a cat in the yard that jumps them when they're stunned.
137: Doesn't say what the date on the Haldane essay is, but the very similar argument, even down to the flavor of examples, means it's the same story. I'll have to look up the Murchie, which I haven't read in years, to see whether or not in fact it's partly a quotation. Very possible.
127: Classic field trip moment from son's preschool: orangutan jerking off, using large bowel movement as lube.
"With a Sheridan air-rifle in .22 caliber, or a Crossman CO2 pistol, depending on range and access. "
My only options were a .40, a .22 Mosquito, a .410, or a knife. None of those seemed like good ideas.
Jackmormon: moral of the story: always let someone else do the squirrel extraction. I'm keeping Biohazard's cell on my speed dial.
I'm figuring that any rodent problem from now on can be solved by carrying a tab of acid at all times. If I see a rat, I toss it the acid, and then call Biohazard: "Okay, the rat is on psychedelics. Now what?"
145: Now you are thinking like a mathematician!
orangutan jerking off, using large bowel movement as lube
I'm not very squeemish, but this anecdote is profoundly anti-Asilonian, in the sense that it takes my horn away.
"I'm figuring that any rodent problem from now on can be solved by carrying a tab of acid at all times. If I see a rat, I toss it the acid, ....""
You just gave me an outstanding defense for my case on Friday.
it takes my horn away
That's just 'cause you're totally squaresville, Pops.
"my stepfather used to try to quench my youthful desire to have a pet monkey by explaining that they jerk off all the time and it's gross. is that true, or was he just fucking with me? "
Not true. But the females often get their tails bit off.
I'll buy into the idea that squirrels outside are cute.
Squirrels outside and at a great distance are cute. Squirrels outside and close up, not so much. There's a squirrel who came with my house that I named Evil Fucker. I'd been in the house less than a month and came out to find this beefy squirrel standing in the middle of the path, just... staring at me. His body language could not have made it clearer that it was his yard, not mine, and that I best not be crossing him. He and his shiftless relatives like to jump from the trees onto my roof, so I'll be sitting on my couch watching TV, then see a squirrel shadow fly by the window, then hear a THUMP on the roof.
I'm not even sure if Evil Fucker is still alive. There were a couple of squirrels who bought the farm while we were on vacation last summer -- one landed on the sidewalk and the other's passing was represented by a tail sticking out of the top of my juniper bushes. Was there a squirrel attached to the tail, or was it just a tail? Only Animal Control knows for sure.
What's the life expectancy of a squirrel anyway? How many years can pass before I can feel reasonably confident I won't be greeted by Evil Fucker again?
Looks like all the small rodents can make to around three YO as pets. In the wild, probably not. In my house, never.
With the time distortion effects though, they think they're living for centuries.
My only options were a .40, a .22 Mosquito, a .410, or a knife. None of those seemed like good ideas.
But did you think of those first? I ask because of someone's comment about having a good and large military makes it more likely it will be used, and few experiences of my own where my first thought was to shoot the problem and my second idea was to try a third.
The gun idea came last. First thought was to hire someone else. Second thought was to bitch about varmit catching places being closed on weekends. Third thought was that it would be fun to watch the dogs chase a squirrel through the house. Fourth thought was that I didnt want to find a new place to live. Fifth thought was knife-like device. Last thought was gun.
And you never even thought of calling the police and asking them to ignite the squirrel.
Correct. I am also disappointed that I didnt think of our friends fire and water. Or even a firecracker. My imagination totally failed me.
Ha! Squirrels in the attic aren't a patch on chipmunks, who take residence in the form of bowling teams. And we used to find them lolling on the sacks of duck-feed, fat and sassy.
We kept the ducks in the bathtub during the worst cold of the winter. I often thought about letting them loose in the house to chase the chipmunks.
Is it wrong of me to imagine you've lived the real-life version of The Royal Tenenbaums, DominEditrix?
Squirrels, weeee!
oh my god I think you wanted to link to this and I was like weeeeeeee
160: More like Running with Scissors crossed with Alice's Restaurant, with a touch of The Addams Family.
