Re: Worth a shot

1

Voila


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:37 PM
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Are you trying to move to San Francisco itself?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:39 PM
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A-yup.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:40 PM
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Why, have you had enough of Queens?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:40 PM
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Warum?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:41 PM
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I have good connections in the East Bay, but not the city.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:41 PM
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4 - There's plenty in San Francisco, thank you.

What neighborhood are you looking at? I think my one friend in The City is pretty nicely situated, but I can ask.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:44 PM
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Ist der Grund wirklich wichtig? Genügt es nicht, dass ich so entschieden habe, ohne eine Rechtfertigung meiner Entscheidung geben zu müssen?

(I hit "post" in full fear that there are ten zillion horrendous mistakes in the above...)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:47 PM
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What if your reasons are bad?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:49 PM
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snarkout: we've mostly been looking in the mission, duboce triangle, hayes valley (some surprisingly reasonable places), panhandle, haight/ashbury, lower haight, & like that there. Though of course even suggestions on where to consider would be worthwhile; as I said in the post, desultory.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:50 PM
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You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:51 PM
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Badness of reasons only rarely prevents one from taking a course of action, ogged, so I don't see how any discussion on that score is to the point.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:51 PM
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You needn't share, dear Ben. I thought it might be relevant.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:53 PM
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Have you considered the possibility that there may be some neighborhoods within San Francisco that are much less convenient than might be, say, East Oakland?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:54 PM
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Something to consider: everyone in Oakland is murdered, every day.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:56 PM
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You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.

And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:56 PM
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Maybe I meant West Oakland.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 8:57 PM
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And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.

I would pay money to see that. I'm betting that Yglesias can't go left. Also, the idea of w-lfs-n in the post makes me happy. Especially if he puffed out the fro, Corzine style.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:03 PM
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I've been killing--or at least severely wounding--a lot of threads recently. Hmm.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:14 PM
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To commit a minor indiscretion error, I was just theorizing to Ogged over email that NYC has the craziest Craigslist personals but the Bay Area has the craziest Craigslist apartment section.

The timing.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:24 PM
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Kosher salt! But must he be circumcised?


Posted by: DaveB | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:29 PM
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Is that for real? Wouldn't it really hurt?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:32 PM
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The opposite of Lot's wfe turns out not to be Lot's wife with a moustache.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:33 PM
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I don't really know anything about Oakland, and I think craig wants to be in the city b/c he'll be working there.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:33 PM
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Wait, we have to limit the unremitting mockery of YOU, or of Jo-Jo the Tan Room-mate?


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:34 PM
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I love how the woman in that ad specifies, "no creeps."


Posted by: alif sikkiin | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:36 PM
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Hmm.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:37 PM
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24 s/b "I really do not feel I need to explain this further."


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:37 PM
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Is it too late in the thread to make fun of the mistakes in w-lfs-n's German?


Posted by: BZA | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:39 PM
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Never.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:41 PM
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I found that ad on Metafilter and then I made the mistake of clicking around the NYC CL personals looking for other funny ones. Yeeech. Now I want to bathe my brain.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:41 PM
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If the mockery were limited to the first 150 comments, would it be unremitting?


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:41 PM
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24 -- Wait, you're going to be living with craig? He of the list?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:46 PM
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I really do not feel I need to explain this further.

Especially if it gets right in the bloodstream, it doesn't take that much salt to kill you. Packing it in there like that, who knows. I really want to believe she isn't serious.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:53 PM
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Now I want to bathe my brain.

In saltwater?


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:53 PM
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I haven't put anything in a vagina since I read this Straight Dope column.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:58 PM
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At first glance I read 29 as having been posted by RZA.


Posted by: Tarrou | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 9:58 PM
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A not unanticipated misreading.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:02 PM
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I haven't put anything in a vagina

This seems a bit of an overreaction . . .


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:02 PM
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SMWH WLTM ...


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:07 PM
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You have to tell me what they are, and not just maintain their existence, bza. How else will I learn?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:10 PM
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After I posted that, it seemed kind of pissy to go on. And I might be wrong too. But: "Entscheiden" has to be reflexive in this sort of case. And "eine Rechtfertigung geben" might be right, but it sounds kind of weird to me; you could use "ohne meine Entscheidung rechtfertigen zu müssen."


Posted by: BZA | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:15 PM
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If we're going to talk about things germanic, it's probably more interesting (and relevant to the roommate search!) to consider the sitzpinkler.


Posted by: BZA | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:27 PM
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The sitzpinkler thread. Ben's sitzpinkler post.

Verily, we are all little bitches. And this little bitch is going to bed.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:39 PM
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You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.

And we'll totally take you in a hoop-it-up contest.

Dance-off or cook-off and I'll put money on Team West. Dude! We could have a training montage. I love a training montage.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 10:40 PM
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Ok, I thought "entscheiden" should be reflexive, so I'm not too put out by that. No one ever explicitly told me when to use "ohne ... zu" bzw. "ohne dass ...", so I was worried about that.

cook-off and I'll put money on Team West

Maybe you're thinking of your own mad skillz, but I wouldn't put myself and ogged against Spackerman any day of the week.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:02 PM
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You, Megan, and Ogged so need to form Flophouse West.

Who would stab whom first?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:02 PM
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48

Smart money's on whom.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:12 PM
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49

Does anyone have a spare $250? I'm feeling acquisitive. I would like to acquire your $250.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:13 PM
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Anywhere within walking distance of BART in the East Bay will be closer to anywhere near BART in the City than the Sunset, Richmond, Marina, etc...

My commute to the Financial District is faster from Oakland than when I lived out in the Avenues.

The only problem is the BART stops running after 12:30, so have friends' places to crash at or be forced to wander some unfriendly streets.


Posted by: talboito | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:15 PM
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I wouldn't put myself and ogged against Spackerman any day of the week.

You'll take him no problem, after I put you through the rigorous training reqime, with the windsprints and the push-ups in slow motion and the practice chopping onions. Besides, we would be the underdogs. We're guaranteed to either win or to have a personal revelation that is even better than winning. Have you never seen the movie?


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:27 PM
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The important question is which river's water you prefer: the Tuolumne or the Mokelumne?


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:32 PM
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There don't seem to be any images of the MAD feature "Book! Movie!" online.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:32 PM
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So exactly true and such an important consideration, eb.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:40 PM
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49: If you post a public naked picture, SB, I'll pony up.

Anyone with me?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 9-07 11:57 PM
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If you post a public naked picture

Of whom?


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:01 AM
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You'd sell someone else's naked picture? Tacky.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:15 AM
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Pseud nude shrewd, dude.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:46 AM
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57 prude.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:52 AM
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Stewed dude on 'luudes queued to view lewd nudes, said Hugh'd wooed prude too into crude mood.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:56 AM
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What's your problem with Jo-Jo? He's hot, cool, fun, and no drama. Are you afraid you're not good looking enough?


Posted by: MQ | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:02 AM
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60 rock the mic while I strum tha oud


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:04 AM
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51: this is America, there are no personal revelations better than winning. Personal revelations come after the defeat in the middle of the movie, and lead inevitably to victory in the final sequence.


Posted by: MQ | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:04 AM
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59: I'm not the one who's all squeamish about naked pictures.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:18 AM
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64: I can't speak for whom.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:22 AM
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D'oh. I just finished searching for housemates for my Berkeley flophouse. Some of the craigslist catch was really weird. Ah well, all done now.


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:51 AM
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holy shit is that straight dope column for real? that's going to give me nightmares. . .


Posted by: Ile | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:56 AM
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68

Alice says don't worry quite so much.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:29 AM
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I heard that if you blow in the vagina of a female that it could kill her.

Usually, though, they just inflate and float to the ceiling.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:32 AM
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I can't speak for whom.

Speak not for whom the belle trolls.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:38 AM
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Indiscretion error in 70?


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:41 AM
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I was referring to bitchphd.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:48 AM
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Spaq commands the court from the point, but Team East has its share of role players: C-Money's a diverse threat at the 3, running baked goods and pasta dishes. Becks rocks the 4 with her Midwestern game. As the SG I deliver slow-smoked brisket & ribs and Tex-Mex. MY picks up the offensive rebounds.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:50 AM
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Can I be the celebrity judge?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 7:57 AM
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75

Cala Abdul.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:04 AM
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76

I hadn't really considered Catherine. For some reason, I imagine her as being a sort of Stephen Jackson: a good and decent player and person who might shoot you. Not because she's particularly angry or anything; she might shoot you out of pure happiness.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:04 AM
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Cala has vicious mood swings? Or does she like to dance with Bunnies?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:06 AM
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I don't know how well it describes Catherine, but 76 is a terrific character sketch for somebody. Welcome to my home page! I kill you!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:10 AM
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Bitch PhD floats on the ceiling?

Blowing in vaginas is a very inefficient way of killing people, even women. The guy who first did that probably was really missing his favorite blowup doll. Sort of like calling out the wrong woman's name in the heat of passion, except that calling out the wrong name is an even less efficient modus operandi.

Richard Thompson wrote a song about a man who divorced his wife to marry a blowup-doll, whom he divorced in turn three years later to marry a different blowup doll.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:11 AM
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Unknown Hinson's "Polly Urethane" is my favorite blow-up doll love song.

...You're soft and yet resilient
Your colors are so brilliant
Even says right here you're waterproof
Polly Urethane, that's a purty name
I know you won't play games
Play games with my heart
You're adorable, and you're portable
Polly Urethane, you're everything to me...


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:33 AM
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calling out the wrong name is an even less efficient modus operandi.

More of a suicide method than a homicide one.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:33 AM
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Christine Lavin's Artificial Means is also in the same genre:

She says "our love is being kept alive by Artificial Means
You've grown emotionally attached to that polyethelene
Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems
'Cuz our love is being kept alive by Artificial Means"


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:38 AM
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I remember thinking that "Be My Girl--Sally" by the Police was incredibly edgy when I was 14 or so--OMG! He's singing about--doing it--with a doll! But I'm pretty sure I had no idea what a blow-up doll was before I heard it.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 8:55 AM
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I've never had sexual relations with a doll. I presume I probably know someone who has, but I don't have any knowledge of that. It seems an exceedingly creepy thing to do. I know someone who had sex with a dog; the doll thing seems almost worse.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:03 AM
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It seems an exceedingly creepy thing to do.

Please don't otherize people.

I know someone who had sex with a dog; the doll thing seems almost worse.

Uh, no. It really, really doesn't. (Not that there's anything wrong with having sex with a dog if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.)


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:08 AM
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For example, if you were hiring an assassin and the first applicant's preferred method was blowing in the vagina, you'd probably interview more candidates.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:08 AM
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Dog's play hard-to-get sometimes, but they love it.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:09 AM
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"Dogs."


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:09 AM
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(Not that there's anything wrong with having sex with a dog if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.)

I'm on board with saying that even if the dog has a screaming orgasm rivaling the millions of mice, there's something terribly terribly wrong.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:10 AM
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No kidding, what will you raise the children as?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:13 AM
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I find it despicable that Unfogged has not taken a strong, official position against sex with animals.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:13 AM
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We don't want to lose Emerson.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:15 AM
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Canine-questioning?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:15 AM
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94

In related news, a new twist on jumping the shark.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:16 AM
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Cala condones sex with blow-up dolls while denying the lower animals the right to feel loved.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:18 AM
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93: are you coming on to me?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:18 AM
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I know someone who had sex with a dog

Just out of curiosity, in what context did he (I'm presuming the person in question is a he) divulge that he had had sex with a dog? Or did you learn about their tryst in some other manner?


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:20 AM
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93: I think the term is "canine-theoretical."


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:22 AM
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94: I believe the proper term for that is humping the shark.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:23 AM
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There was a girl in high school of whom it was said that she liked to play with her dog's penis. I wonder if a similar situation gave rise to "curiosity killed the cat."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:23 AM
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There was a case here where a guy stopped having sex with his gf, started having sex with the dog. She was naturally upset, so she called the cops.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:24 AM
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97: He had a website he maintained with a group of old money friends, racking up points based on number of species molested. Extra points for sex outside your phylum. (Sure, sponges are easy, but after that it gets tricky.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:24 AM
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100: Jeebus, how did that come out?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:24 AM
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86 is cracking me up.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:24 AM
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how did that come out?

I'm not a vet, but I think it's just hanging out.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:25 AM
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106

#97. Couples counseling, I'm guessing.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:26 AM
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re: 100

I think those stories are urban legends. There were identical stories at my high school too.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:27 AM
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how did that come out?

Redrocket redrocket redrocket redrocket...


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:28 AM
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Dumping your gf for a dog sends a pretty effective message.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:28 AM
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110

There were identical stories at my high school too.

Given teens and their hormones, I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it, rather than that they're all urban legends.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:29 AM
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if there is some sort of indication that the dog doesn't mind, etc.

Remember, "Arf!" always means "Arf!"


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:29 AM
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112

Reference.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:30 AM
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113

re: 110

That's also a possibility.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:30 AM
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I need not repeat that in farm towns stories about sex with animals name names and give helpful "how to" details.

You know what else fits into one of those nozzles on a milking machine?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:31 AM
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97- I think he was about 14 when the "incident" occurred, and by the time I knew him (his mid-20s) he had distanced himself enough from the event to be surprisingly open about it. Open enough that I thought at first it was just b.s., but I believe he was sincere.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:31 AM
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Given teens and their hormones, I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it, rather than that they're all urban legends.

...he said defensively.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:33 AM
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"Arf!" always means "Arf!"

Totally cracked me up.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:33 AM
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118

Well, sometimes "Arf!" means "Meow."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:34 AM
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119

To elaborate on 115, this came out in the context of a conversation in which another participant was openly discussing how he routinely received oral sex from his pet ferret. (A consensual arrangement, trust me.) Also, I should note that I'm no longer friends with these people.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:37 AM
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120

118 brings this strongly to mind -- though I know this is not the Children's Literature thread.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:38 AM
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121

And 119 is way disturbing.


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:39 AM
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122

Are you trying to top S/EK? How do these conversations occur? I just can't imagine. Apparently, I'm much more of a prude than I realized.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:39 AM
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whom it was said that she liked to play with her dog's penis.

Not to get all bullying/oppression-of-women conscious on everyone, but if your knowledge wasn't directly from the alleged-dog-masturbator herself, isn't the likeliest explanation both in Ogged's and ttaM's high schools that people were spreading false stories about some girl out of malice? Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:39 AM
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It might have been nastiness, of course, but if you're really curious about penises, and there's one right there.... Anyway, a quick google indicates that she's now married, so I think all's well.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:41 AM
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re: 123

Yeah, that was my initial thought re: the stories I heard.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:42 AM
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126

Bringing the conversation back into the gutter, has anyone else here ever bottlefed a calf? There's a farm chore I wouldn't assign to a teenage boy.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:43 AM
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I'm amused that the dog masturbation discussion is in the comments to a post titled "Worth a shot".

Also, better just to train your dog to do it on its own.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:43 AM
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re: 126

I've bottlefed a sheep [I was about 7 at the time though and innocent of all the gutter-dwelling insinuations] ...


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:44 AM
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? Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality.

Can I just say that I am so happy that the malice-tell was that ogged's story was insufficiently attentive to female pleasure?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:45 AM
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And 119 is way disturbing.

No kidding. I mean, either that ferret had one hell of a big mouth, or . . .

No, I will not contemplate it.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:46 AM
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131

Don't ferrets have sharp teeth? I'm inclined to disbelieve that one.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:47 AM
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I've bottle fed calves, camels, lyynx, monkeys, lambs, and zebras.

How on earth do you make that sexual?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:47 AM
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You have a very clean mind, and I'm not going to explain. I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:49 AM
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Maybe she means the vigorous sucking?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:49 AM
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will lacks imagination.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:49 AM
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will's real name = Noah.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:50 AM
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For example, if you were hiring an assassin thinking of having sex with someone and the first applicant's their preferred method was blowing in the vagina, you'd probably interview more candidates.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:51 AM
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I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:51 AM
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130/131- as he told the story (and I can't believe I'm elaborating on this), mouth-size and sharp teeth didn't come into play. The process involved some sort of syrup stuff that his ferret loved, and lots of licking.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:52 AM
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I need to hire someone to click on apo's links for me.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:52 AM
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Playing with a dog's penis, as providing sexual stimulation directly for the dog rather than the person, is a pretty low-odds form of bestiality

But when prominent cultural figures do this sort of thing, it ups the odds. For more information, Google search "xaviera hollander" and "german shepherd".


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:53 AM
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That one was harmless. I'm not cautious enough generally -- if there's any centralized log of how often I run into the netnanny block on adult content, I'm in terrible trouble.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:53 AM
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"You have a very clean mind, and I'm not going to explain. I will say that I felt comparatively inadequate."

Your mouth isnt full of huge teeth and amazingly frothy?

Yea, our animals tug and bite at the bottle. Vigorous may be nice, but biting and tugging, not so much.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:55 AM
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130: Maybe he spread ketchup or something on his, er, dog, and let the ferret lick it off.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:55 AM
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But when prominent cultural figures do this sort of thing, it ups the odds. For more information, Google search "xaviera hollander" and "german shepherd".

I'm not going to google because I'm at work, and of course I'm stating the blindingly obvious, but there's a difference between what a woman who gets paid to perform sexually for men is likely to do as part of constructing that persona, and what a woman is likely to do because she actually gets a sexual kick out of it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:56 AM
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If the ferret doesnt lick, you must acquit him of buggery!


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:56 AM
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143: This was a very young calf -- I'm not remembering teeth.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:57 AM
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I'm going to firmly say that the "did you know that so-and-so plays with her dog's penis?" high school story is utter bullshit. The fact that people make bestiality porn notwithstanding.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:57 AM
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I need to hire someone to click on apo's links for me.

You might ask your Indian manservant to do this when he isn't busy peeing.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:57 AM
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147 Must be a gender thing


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 9:57 AM
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re: 148

I generally agree.

Although, in one case, I've heard someone claim to have been doing that sort of thing [themselves], but, I suspect that was also bullshit -- in the sense of a joke combined with a bit of 'aren't I so dangerous and exciting' posturing.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:00 AM
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I honestly don't understand the skepticism. If you were to have asked me, for some reason, what percentage of teenaged girls play with their dog's penis at least once, I would have guessed something like 40%. Kids get curious. (Note: I've never had a pet.)


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:00 AM
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You've also never been a teenage girl, Ogged.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:01 AM
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Or a dog.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:02 AM
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Even very young calfs have back teeth. My mom has a scar on her finger from learning that the hard way as a kid.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:03 AM
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152- 40%?! I was mighty curious about vaginas at one point, but I don't recall ever playing with my dog's vagina as a teenager.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:03 AM
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154: Sexist.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:03 AM
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I don't recall ever playing with my dog's vagina

Non-denial denial.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:04 AM
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152: The skepticism comes from the fact that in high school people often spread stories about girls that aren't true. The most common one was the "she got a hot dog stuck in her vagina and had to go to the hospital to get it removed."


Posted by: alif sikkiin | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:06 AM
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I think we've opened a window here on some of Ogged's problems with women.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:07 AM
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145: IIRC (I was maybe 14 when I read it), the dog incident happened well before the sex-worker career. Maybe she made it up, but it didn't seem out of character. I hasten to add that I'm not making any generalizations, and mentioned it only because, well, the Mineshaft.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:08 AM
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I'm generally willing to believe most crazy stories about adolescent (or older) guys and sex, but (a) bestiality is a move too far for easy acceptance, and (b) perhaps because of internalized sexism, or because I assume they can have sex whenever they want, I assume girls (and women) are much less likely to behave in ways that many in society would deem strange and sexually aberrant.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:09 AM
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161: I would hypothesize that, if true, there was some abuse situation going on in the background of both the dog sex play and the porn career.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:09 AM
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159: Hey, I remember hearing that one!

In other crotch-related news, this picture I took Easter morning demonstrates the great risk under which mine remains.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:12 AM
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re: 159

Yeah, there were variations on that in my school. Also stories involving confectionary. To be fair, there were also similar stories told about some of the guys too -- but it was always slightly dorky social awkward guys who couldn't fight back.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:12 AM
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That picture is teh awesome, apo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:13 AM
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Once again, as in the Volokh/bloodlust threads, I'm surprised by y'all's genuine belief that people are basically civilized. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll bet there are a lot of dogs that, if they could speak, would say different.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:14 AM
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164: That's your younger kid, right? I can never remember his name.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:14 AM
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I assume girls (and women) are much less likely to behave in ways that many in society would deem strange and sexually aberrant.

My experience of high-school and immediately after is that there are more girls out there doing things society really wouldn't approve of than you think ...


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:14 AM
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169; I probably should have included some further qualifier like "and less obviously sexually stimulating than just sex." I'd be pretty surprised if there were that many guys who got (and I can't believe the need for the qualifier, but...) human sex regularly, and yet were still nailing the dog.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:17 AM
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168: Noah. Keegan's the redhead, who's about to turn 10.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:18 AM
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A friend of my cousin's brother-in-law's neighbor was in the hospital when the hot dog was pulled out with a forceps.

She didn't want to have it cut out because, you know, wasting a perfectly good hot dog.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:18 AM
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Any woman who knew ttaM in HS and immediately after was a slut. Spread the word. Slut! Slut! Slut! Scottish Slut!!!!


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:19 AM
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I can't believe the need for the qualifier

That's known as a retronym, one of my favorite silver dollar words.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:19 AM
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I'm surprised by y'all's genuine belief that people are basically civilized

I don't believe that. That's why I'm inclined to think that people are spreading rumors about some girl to ruin her reputation / make her cry.


Posted by: alif sikkiin | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:19 AM
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159: Yeah, it's the combination of a very common form of malice, and an activity that wouldn't be particularly attractive to the person engaging in it.

161: The relevant timing isn't when the dog incident allegedly happened, it's when the story was told, isn't it? At which point she's a sex worker writing a titillating memoir.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:19 AM
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163: Quite possibly. I'll leave that for others to find out, as "The Happy Hooker" is a book I'm unlikely to pick up again.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:20 AM
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an activity that wouldn't be particularly attractive to the person engaging in it

This I also don't get. I mean, there's a penis right there, who could resist?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:21 AM
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A guy at my school supposedly had sex with a box of noodles. As a teenaged girl, I believed it totally and ruthlessly mocked him. Behind his back, of course.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:21 AM
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171: Awwwww! That gives me hope that maybe if I *do* have a second kid, PK's disappointment when the age gap means they aren't really playmate won't be permanent.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:21 AM
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Man's best friend, faithful, undemanding, adoring, low-maintenance, can be put to sleep at will, edible. What's not to like?

When young N. Kinski was asked to play a young object of male fantasy, she modeled her character on her dog.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:22 AM
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167: I think it's not that people don't do it, but that you should rarely believe anything about it second-hand, since it's more likely malicious than not.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:23 AM
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178 has *got* to be a joke.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:26 AM
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It's a pretty nice age gap, actually. No fighting, and Keegan is actively helpful with tending the little guy while we take showers or fix dinner or what have you.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:26 AM
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Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll bet there are a lot of dogs that, if they could speak, would say different.

This may be lack of familiarity with dogs, but if you've got a male dog, you've seen a dog erection. They're frequent, bright pink, and slimy looking. The only information you'd need to touch the dog's penis to get would be 'what happens if I masturbate the dog to orgasm?' and the level of sophistication required to have a good sense of how one goes about that would be beyond the level of someone who was looking for information about human sexuality by comparison with a dog hardon.

Seriously, it's not that girls are unlikely to do sexually adventurous/aberrant things. Just that they're unlikely to do such things if they're neither getting direct sexual stimulation from whatever they're doing themselves, nor doing them for an audience.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:26 AM
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178 has *got* to be a joke.

No, Ogged honestly can't resist a penis.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:26 AM
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B. doesn't like penises. Lesbian!


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:27 AM
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re: 180

My nephew is 14 and my niece is 6 -- they get along really well most of the time.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:28 AM
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The only information you'd need to touch the dog's penis to get would be 'what happens if I masturbate the dog to orgasm?'

There's also, "I wonder what it feels like?"


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:28 AM
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179: Cooked, I hope. Wouldn't raw noodles be sharp?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:28 AM
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184 is very heartening. That's what I'd hope for, plus actual affection. Hmm.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:30 AM
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So, basically, we know a few things: (a) kids are mean, (b) kids have (or had) a sufficiently limited set of sexual experiences such that all manner of crazy stories involving sex seem possibly true to them, and (c) kids are sufficiently ramped up on hormones as to make all manner of crazy stories involving sex credible to adults who remember those days. So you order those truths, and pick the perception on "she nailed a dog" that makes sense of that ordering.

Personally, I don't believe the story ogged's selling. But I guess I can see why he might.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:30 AM
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190.--We never found out for sure, but we all assumed uncooked. I think we may have wanted to be disgusted.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:30 AM
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LB must have hung around with the nuns-to-be.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:30 AM
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Color me skeptical about canine penis-playing stories, too. It isn't impossible, I guess, but malicious gossip seems so much more likely--oh, +85% (to pull a number out of my ass) of the time, at least.

I need not repeat that in farm towns stories about sex with animals name names and give helpful "how to" details.

reminds me of:

Farm boys wild to couple with anything ...


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:31 AM
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176: Right. She was unquestionably a sex worker writing a titillating memoir; I brought up the timing only because the wanking of the german shepard may not be just a part of the constructed persona, it may be, you know, the actual persona. I don't care either way myself, since I don't have a dog in this fight, so to speak.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:32 AM
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189: The answer to that is fairly obviously "Slimy".


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:32 AM
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189: Seriously, Ogged. First of all, most teenage girls know what a penis feels like. Second, as LB said--dog penises are, frankly, disgusting. Third, EWWWWWW.

I know your own penis is vitally important to you, and you can't imagine the girls not all being so fascinated by such a lovely organ that they simply can't resist, but come on.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:33 AM
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You're no naturalist, LB.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:33 AM
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we all assumed uncooked. I think we may have wanted to be disgusted

Call me a pastafucker if you must, but I don't get what's so disgusting about this.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:35 AM
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And, you know, I'm not committed to the idea that no teenage girl has ever touched a dog penis. It's a big world, and everything's happened somewhere. It's just much, much, much more likely as a malicious rumor than as anything anyone's likely to do for sexual gratification (which was the initial story -- 'liked to' play with her dog's penis. The whole naive curiosity about teh cock, and the dog's is the only one available, idea is a very different story. Not a much more likely one, but a different one.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:36 AM
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re: 200

Carbs, obviously ...


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:37 AM
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Call me a pastafucker if you must,

Isn't that Derek Jeter's nickname?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:37 AM
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First of all, most teenage girls know what a penis feels like.

Or so the mullahs would have you believe.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:37 AM
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199: Okay. What kind of freaky sexual experimentation did *you* do in h.s.? Anything comparable to playing with a dog's dick?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:37 AM
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195: The laureate of the hillbilly sheep-fucking joke, James "Purty-mouth" Dickey.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:38 AM
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Perhaps it would be tactful to shift to a topic with which B. is more comfortable. She's our friend, and everyone has things in their past they'd just as soon not talk about.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:40 AM
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Like you, B, I'm as pure as the rivulets of melting snow in the High Sierra in the spring. But other people...


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:41 AM
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You are just chain-yanking, right? I'd hate to have to worry about you.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:42 AM
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Me? No, I'm totally serious. I never had a pet, and I think animals are kind of disgusting on the best of days, but teenagers do all manner of crazy shit when no one's looking.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:43 AM
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208: I'm not that pure, and I certainly played with shit like inanimate objects and other people's affections. But by the time I was older than, say, five, I had a pretty clear sense of difference between people and animals--much as I love animals--and was socialized enough to think of animal sex as taboo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:44 AM
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The real question here is "What kind of pasta?" Ziti, I'm thinking.

206: Indeedy. A man can go far on a few good sheep-fucking jokes.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:44 AM
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152: And one time I heard about how this girl was in the pool and some boy thought she was hot and he came and then the sperm swam up and got her pregnant!11! And then she woke up in a bathtub full of ice and a note saying call 9/11, and it's good that she did without turning on the light because the guy had murdered her roommate and left a note saying "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?" after masturbating with the coke bottle.

40%?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:44 AM
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Me? No, I'm totally serious.

"A man can have sex with animals such as sheep, cows, camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village, but selling the meat to a neighbouring village is reasonable." - Khomeini


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:46 AM
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210: Go back and read 129. Sexual pleasure is a powerful drive, and people violate taboos to get it all the time. People don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them. This really shouldn't be hard to grasp.

What percentage of teenagers do you think eat shit once or twice, just to see what it's like?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:47 AM
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It's not about pleasure in this case, but simple curiosity.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:48 AM
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re: 215

I'm generally on the 'it's a nasty untrue rumour more or less all of the time' side on this one.

However, as a general point "people don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them" seem false. For some people, violating taboos is what's sexually pleasurable for them and any definition of sexual pleasure has to include that kind of thing: someone doesn't have to physically get off, to get off.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:50 AM
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So, you'd say the story that she liked to play with her dog's penis was maliciously false, but that it's probable that she touched it out of curiosity. And somehow (?) the story got around to be a subject of gossip. This sounds likely.

Again, do you think a lot of people violate other sexual taboos out of pure curiosity?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:52 AM
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214 just sounds like the worst advice ever. It makes no sense from any consistent ethical position.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:52 AM
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However, as a general point "people don't violate taboos to do sexual things that aren't pleasurable for them" seem false. For some people, violating taboos is what's sexually pleasurable for them

Sure. And for someone in that category, the taboo-violation is rewarding in itself. But that's a minority taste, not general horny-teenager behavior.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:54 AM
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I mean, even if you did play with your dog's dick.... how are we imagining this going down? She did it in front of an audience? Told her friends?

Plus, about 35% of American homes have a dog. Not all of those have a teenaged curious girl, so if we think that 40% of American girls have done this..... wouldn't that be nearly all girls who own dogs?

(Silly Cala. They go and molest their neighbor's dog.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:54 AM
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Color me skeptical on the Khomeini quote.

you'd say the story that she liked to play with her dog's penis was maliciously false, but that it's probable that she touched it out of curiosity. And somehow (?) the story got around to be a subject of gossip. This sounds likely.

Yes, exactly.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:55 AM
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I'm pretty sure 214 is fake.

I hate when you're trying to circulate some malicious gossip and everyone is all "Oh, that's malicious gossip!" Well, duh.

What was her name?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:56 AM
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So the point of all this is that it's going to be impossible to find a roommate in SF who has not had at least manual sex with a dog?


Posted by: wen bolfson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:57 AM
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219:Someone ought to look it up in what it's written in, either Farsi or Arabic, and see if we're dealing with a wretched or deliberately misleading translation.

The fact that I first read of the "writings" of Khomeini in The New Republic in the late seventies/early eighties now leads me to question their veracity looking back.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:57 AM
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how are we imagining this going down?

You're sick. As I understood it, another classmate was her neighbor and had spied her in the backyard. Perfectly plausible. (And it's 40% of teenaged girls with a dog, of course.)


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 10:58 AM
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another classmate was her neighbor and had spied her in the backyard

You are the most gullible person in the universe. I thought I was bad, but this is risible.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:00 AM
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226: 40% of teenaged girls with an un-neutered male dog.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:00 AM
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If I'm getting pissy here, it's because I'm getting the feeling that the syllogism in ogged's head is as follows:

(1) In today's modern liberated world, we must accept that women, and teenage girls, have strong, active sex drives.

(2) What would a strong, active sex drive look like in a woman? I know, let's turn to kinky porn made for male audiences -- that's the truest expression of unfiltered female sexuality!

(3) Of course teenage girls are going to be jerking their dogs off, nasty bitches that they are.

(4) No, I don't know where the clitoris is located. Why do you ask?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:00 AM
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According to the book Dog Love (written by my college Shakespeare teacher) in the chapter "Sex and the Single Dog" the vast majority of women who have sex with animals have sex with dogs (mostly oral sex, as the penis bone makes dismount painful) while most men who have sex with animals have sex with sheep (mostly vaginal).

The amazon reviews for this book are priceless as they're either of the form "I thought this would be a nice cute gift for a dog lover I know, but it's evil and repulsive (0 stars)" or of the form "I only got this for the chapter on dog sex, but the rest of the book is really interesting too (5 stars)."


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:03 AM
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re: 220

Yeah, definitely.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:03 AM
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I believe everything I read on websites whose titles drip with blood.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:03 AM
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Damnit, missed a slash closing out that italics. That'll teach me not to preview. Sorry.


Posted by: Unfoggetarian: "Pause endlessly, then go in." (9) | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:03 AM
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This is bizarre. Don't you people know any scientists or biologists? They want (and wanted) to feel and smell and taste everything. I know a girl who, of her own volition, collected and catalogued animal droppings and bugs. Plain old curiosity. I don't know why you think the scary dog penis would have magical keepaway properties.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:05 AM
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235

229.4 is definitely justified. But I think you're skipping a couple interim steps, like (2a) Having never owned a pet, because animals are disgusting, I can only imagine that people who like pets cannot distinguish between animals and humans. (3) It doesn't have to be "nasty bitches"; it can just as easily be "silly naifs." (3a) Those silly girls! They're probably so fascinated with penises that they just want to touch one, even if it belongs to an animal and looks almost nothing like a human penis!

Plus, let's not forget the most basic assumption underlying this whole thing: Someone told me someone else saw something by peeking over the fence! What do you mean that's not reliable?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:06 AM
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I don't know why you think the scary dog penis would have magical keepaway properties.

We haven't been sufficiently liberated from society's instruction on sex roles.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:06 AM
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So, you're not talking about girls particularly (that is, you'd expect aspiring young male biologists to be jerking their dogs off as well), or about any sexual motivation at all. It's all SCIENCE!

This seems pretty far from the initial gossip you found plausible, and still pretty unlikely.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:07 AM
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You can troll your own dog penis blog.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:07 AM
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Amazing how quickly things slid from blowup dolls to beastiality. I want to return to the plastic blowup doll front: those are totally 20th century. Check out the new wave:

http://www.realdoll.com/


Posted by: MQ | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:08 AM
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235: I think you and LB are underestimating the extent to which we might find similar stories about guys credible. (I'm not sure how to read LB's reference to porn, so maybe I'm wrong.)


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:08 AM
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234: Because there's a difference between a very strong sense of intellectual curiosity that overwhelms weak taboos, and what you're assuming is a *normal* sense of sexual curiosity that overwhelms very strong taboos.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:08 AM
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Ok, I give up. Apparently you're all either so genuinely incurious about the natural world or so committed to anti-bestiality taboos that this seems implausible to you. Like I said, I would have figured that many people would have done this, and it doesn't strike me as particularly odd. I hate you all.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:10 AM
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239: We've talked about it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:10 AM
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Color me skeptical on the Khomeini quote.

Me too, but it came up high on google when I searched for "Iranian animal sex".


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:10 AM
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244: I can't wait for ogged's book on the same subject: "If I Fucked It, Here's How It Happened."


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:12 AM
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O.J. stands for Ogged Jerks.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:13 AM
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B is a cafeteria Catholic, and the part about bestiality is one of the ones she feels most strongly about.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:14 AM
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240: I don't think I'd find the kind of stories that JM and ttaM reported upthread about guys plausible, no. Spreading malicious gossip about people, especially sexual gossip, is extremely common in high school; I'd be disinclined to believe any story that was of a particularly shocking kind of sex behavior and was attributed to a specific individual.

I'm willing to believe things like "some teenage boys have sex with sheep" or "some teenage girls have touched dog dicks out of curiosity," sure. But "Bitch, specifically, likes to play with her dog's penis--this girl I know in math class said she saw her doing it once over the backyard fence" is highly implausible, because (1) it takes the form of most urban legends; (2) it's clearly malicious; (3) it's improbable on the face of it--how could you, looking over a fence, see clearly that someone was playing with a dog's dick instead of, say, putting medicine on a bite wound? Why would a girl performing an obviously taboo and highly stigmatized sexual act do it in the backyard during the daytime? Who the fuck peeks over someone's backyard fence and just happens to catch them masturbating a dog?

Come on.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:15 AM
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Not that I'm suggesting it's likely, but at this point if a female commentator were to say she had done this, would she be believed?

The first line of attack would certainly be identity/veracity—"Martha Washington" wouldn't cut it.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:17 AM
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instead of, say, putting medicine on a bite wound

I looked over the fence and saw BitchPhD biting her dog's dick.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:17 AM
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Furthermore, I'd say half of high school girls, whether they're sexually active or not, are a little freaked out by their own vaginas, and wouldn't seek out a dog penis because there's no curiousity when you're freaked out.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:18 AM
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248 captures my thinking exactly.


Posted by: alif sikkiin | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:18 AM
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"I think we should shoot for limiting the unremitting mockery to the first 150 comments, with only discussion of the plausibility of various bestial acts after."

Prescient of you, w-lfs-n.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:19 AM
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248 nails it. High school kids spread nasty rumors. That's far more likely than the daylight dog-diddling.

Though I'm sort of wondering how many other high school rumors ogged believes as fact.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:23 AM
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Incidentally, y'all we're pwned by a schizophrenic.

In high school there was this girl that everybody said used to suck a snow leopard's ass.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:26 AM
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It really bothers me that, after decades of liberation, women still feel that they have to deny something that they all do.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:27 AM
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255: Those lyrics are restricted to education and personal use only.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:29 AM
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255: Snow leopard's ass is commonly believed to taste like cotton candy, so that's at least believable.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:29 AM
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Though I'm sort of wondering how many other high school rumors ogged believes as fact.

Did I mention that I hate you all? Note that I never said I believed or disbelieved the story, and was careful with my original wording. My gripe is that y'all think it's so implausible.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:30 AM
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Those lyrics are restricted to education and personal use only.

There's one poem somebody's daughter could recite for her assembly, then.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:30 AM
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258: The snow-leopard-rimming lobby hires an amazing PR firm.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:31 AM
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My gripe is that y'all think it's so implausible.

But people are disagreeing with just that. If you had said that the woman sucked her dog off or mounted it, that would have, of course, been different.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:32 AM
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I'm more inclined to think that people everywhere do it

It might have been nastiness, of course, but if you're really curious about penises, and there's one right there.... Anyway, a quick google indicates that she's now married, so I think all's well.

Those, plus the 40% theory, pretty clearly imply that you believe the story, you prevaricator.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:34 AM
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Well, yeah. We're not defending your classmate's honor because we know her and she wouldn't do a thing like that, we're making fun of you because the story's implausible and you don't get that.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:35 AM
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you prevaricator.

I heard Ogged prevaricated a dog in high school.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:35 AM
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With a box of noodles.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:36 AM
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I heard he let the dog prevaricate him.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:36 AM
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Obviously the believabillity is predicated on whether the dog (snow leopard) was fixed.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:37 AM
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You disbelieve the story about ferret masturbation which someone claimed to have done himself, as well as the Craigslist ad about salt and circumcision which was (I assume, not having followed the link) posted by someone on their own behalf. Both first-person stories involving human dicks. Whereas a third-person story about a woman touching a dog's cock seems plausible to you.

Maybe LB's 229.2 and 3 wasn't so uncharitable after all.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:37 AM
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Ogged prevaricated a racehorse's bootyhole.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:37 AM
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A simple phone call could settle this. Are you still in touch with the dog-pecker lady?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:39 AM
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You disbelieve the story about ferret masturbation which someone claimed to have done himself, as well as the Craigslist ad about salt and circumcision

Teeth, pain. Different than (one reading of) LB's charge. I don't think he disbelieved the story in which Brock's friend fucked his dog.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:39 AM
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Looking again at that Criagslist salt ad, I don't really believe it either.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:40 AM
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Teeth, pain.

But kids are curious! Maybe they wanted to know what pain felt like!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:40 AM
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There are no guys who can get it up who are unaware of what pain in that area feels like.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:41 AM
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271: He shouldn't rock the boat. She and the dog just had a baby.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:41 AM
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And there are no girls with a healthy sense of sexual curiosity who are unaware that bestiality is strongly taboo.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:42 AM
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249: Not me, but I've heard some stories about Hannah Van Buren -- It's not an accident that her "maiden" name was Hoes.


Posted by: Martha Washington | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:42 AM
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There was a girl at my high school that everybody said was Richard Gere with a gerbil up his ass.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:43 AM
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Again, "taboo" is different than "pain." Believe it or not, there are, on the whole, strong sexual taboos against dog-fucking for guys, too.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:43 AM
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(Coincidentally, Hannah was on the first women's basketball team at Rutgers.)


Posted by: Martha Washington | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:44 AM
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Wow, I hadn't seen this thread until now, and boy am I glad to have missed it.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:45 AM
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It wasn't one of those cute little old lady dogs, was it, like a shihtzu or a Pekingese?

That would be really sick. But I don't see what the big deal would be about a nice, healthy, loyal, sexy German Shepherd.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:46 AM
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My high school had the kid who claimed he fucked horses using WD-40 as lube. Kids claim a lot of shit they don't do so that they can sound experienced and are pretty value-neutral a lot of the time about whether that experience counts as good or bad.

Hey, ogged, I have some property I'd be willing to sell you...


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:46 AM
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C'mon, Labs. Haven't you ever wanted to masturbate a dog?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:46 AM
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282: Too busy rimming snow leopards?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:47 AM
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There was a girl at my high school who everybody said mistook a blue whale's testicle for her Volkswagen bug.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:47 AM
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And when she drove it away from the drive in, she found a hook hanging off the vas deferens.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:49 AM
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A whale's penis is called a dork

...


Posted by: Clownaesthesiologist | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:49 AM
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And said, "why does it taste so salty?"


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:49 AM
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There was a girl at my high school whose nickname was supposedly "Turtle" because "once you get her on her back, she's fucked."

I never heard anyone call her that directly, though.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:50 AM
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288: Arr! The white whale nuts will be MINE!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:50 AM
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I just always found that funny, not like it's the most shocking thing ever.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:50 AM
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There was a girl at my high school whose nickname was supposedly "Turtle" because "once you get her on her back, she's fucked."

Deeply wrong, but awesome. I'd never heard that before.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:51 AM
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Some of the things Sifu Tweety says aren't entirely trustworthy. Be warned.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:52 AM
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291 We used that nickname for a girl in our circle in college. She didn't mind. Her boyfriend at the time, however, was not amused.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:59 AM
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Don't you people know any scientists or biologists? They want (and wanted) to feel and smell and taste everything.

No I didn't.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 11:59 AM
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So you say now.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:00 PM
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Well, not with Oggers around claiming that by "everything" he means "every penis".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:03 PM
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300!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:05 PM
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242:

No, it's not particulary odd. Maybe odd to diddle your dog or cat for your own sexual satifisfaction, but not odd to have done it out of curiosity, or a simple impulse to please the animal.

(Haven't read comments since 242, so maybe I'm repeating something)


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:05 PM
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Turtles are very insistent about their penises.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:07 PM
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225: One quoter here gives citations. It's a start.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:09 PM
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302 That was some lackadaisical insistence.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:09 PM
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Turtles spread salmonella. Avoid mouth-to-genital contact and use protection.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:12 PM
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Maybe odd to diddle your dog or cat for your own sexual satifisfaction, but not odd to have done it out of curiosity, or a simple impulse to please the animal.

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:14 PM
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Don't you have to diddle female cats in heat so they don't get all crazy?

I could look it up, but I'd prefer apostropher to.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:16 PM
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Maybe the girl was just trying to stock up positive-utility-points in preparation from doing something negative. If she got the dog off, everything's cool.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:17 PM
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I thought it only counted if it was mice. Or rabbits.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:18 PM
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At least everyone is agreed that doll fucking is worse than dog fucking. I was worried I'd gone out on a limb with that one.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:19 PM
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308: Kind of a pay-it-forward thing involving peanut butter and a hard-up friend?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:19 PM
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307 - Q-tip


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:27 PM
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A friend subsituted his cock for a young calf's milk bottle. He emerged in pain but uninjured, saying that the roughness of the tongue was the real problem.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:32 PM
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A friend substituted his cock for a young calf's milk bottle. He emerged in pain but uninjured, saying that the roughness of the tongue was the real problem.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:32 PM
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313 and 314: Can you spot the difference? Sorry. I thought it was a save, but it was a gaffe.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:34 PM
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See? That's believable.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:34 PM
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LB's comparative adequacy has been restored!


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:34 PM
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312 - Yep. We diddled a young resident cat in heat in that way. It helped her. Else teh crazy.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:35 PM
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There was this one girl? In my geometry class? And like, everyone said she, like, trained her cat? to, like, lick, you know, her, you know? eewww!!!!


Posted by: Heather | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:35 PM
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244 is pretty much the bestest apo comment ever.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:35 PM
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I would think LizardBreath of all people couldn't be made to feel inadequate by a mere calf.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:37 PM
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On the urban legend tip, there was a boy in 8th grade known as Skippy for a peanut butter adventure with his dog. I think you all had one too. I didn't know him well, but I thought of him as a lower-rung jock -- hapless, predictably abused, but played enough sports to have some status.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:38 PM
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321 came up first when I searched for "lingual tricks" "lubricated cavities".


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:39 PM
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When I heard that story, the dog's name was Skippy, and he was there in a Jif.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:39 PM
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323: "The accelerator muscles are essentially sphincters." Hott.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:44 PM
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325: I've clearly been driving all wrong.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:46 PM
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326: Now you know why in-car Kegel exercises are such a good idea.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:48 PM
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At least in stop-and-go traffic.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 12:50 PM
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326. Oddly, it is when my wife steps on the accelerator that my sphincter engages, but your mileage may vary.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:10 PM
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It occurs to me that Emerson could start a dual-purpose organization to address both critter love and his no-relationship policies. Perhaps Americans Against Anthrophilia. That's not a word, of course, but this is just brainstorming anyway.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:30 PM
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Americans Against Philogyny?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:34 PM
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NAMALA


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:45 PM
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NAHSGDPTA


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 1:46 PM
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IFKWIMAITYD


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:01 PM
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IDUWYAASBAACTTNITK


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:03 PM
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334 isn't it IYKWIMAITYD?

335: North American High School Girl Dog Penis Touching Association


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:09 PM
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Wouldn't dogs be better than bananas for explaining proper condom use?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:22 PM
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"OK, boys and girls! See how Duke is showing some pink? He's hot to trot, but your mommy doesn't want any puppies. So what can we do, boys and girls?"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:26 PM
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338: I hadn't realized proper condom use involved neutering.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:32 PM
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No, their erections are pink.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:34 PM
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Just, personally, that's not the solution to "don't want any puppies" that would leap immediately to my mind.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 2:37 PM
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307: Yeah, you can do that. But you can also not do it and just be sadistically amused by the cat's desperate horniness.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 3:02 PM
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Neutering is cruel. Dog condoms are humane. I thought everyone knew that.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 3:05 PM
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I'll be darned.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 3:17 PM
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It gets better:

Use of these recalled condoms may result in unwanted canine pregnancies. Additionally, meat-scented Dog Condoms® may present a choking hazard, ...

Link


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 3:46 PM
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They're still updating that site, huh? They've gotten a lot of mileage out of that one.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-10-07 3:50 PM
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