Yuck. Professors should be banned from writing ML columns. This is clearly a grotesque exaggeration, right? Like the fashion in the movie The Devil Wears Prada? Like in case you didn't get the subtleties, we'll throw in metallic zippered pants where there were previously a pair of slightly slim jeans?
I'm imagining Max writing something like this about me, thinking back on that time I bought him his first medium-sized shirt for his medium-sized body. He thought it was so radical and disingenuous for a man of his age not to dress as if he were a whale.
Oh, and, OT, I have a date this week. Yay!
You people are such haters. I liked that column.
He keeps wanting to meet up in my neighborhood, though, which means I have to clean my apartment and stock breakfast foods, just in case things go well. I would much rather suggest a place in his neighborhood, which he just moved to and I know very well, but he is being evasive. Is this a control thing or does he have a wife?
I have one of those motivational shirts. It's motivating me to wear something else, like a dress shirt with a necktie, to draw attention away from my paunch.
Be proud of the paunch, I say.
5: Maybe he just likes your neighborhood better? Or maybe he's a stalker freak.
and stock breakfast foods
This is obviously nonsense. You go to the nearest, awesome burrito place. Burritos solve everything. If he's married, then at least you've had a good burrito.
That was good for a Modern Love column. Imaging ogged as the narrator gave it especial pathos.
8: If I like a guy, I like to be able to offer a fantastic omelet in the morning so we could potentially have more sex afterward. "Let's get dressed and go to La Bagel Delight" doesn't have the same erotic potential.
9: Heh. "And then she seductively shaved my feet, and I knew she didn't understand me."
Burritos for breakfast? Ick. Plus you have to get dressed. I think all one night stands should supply lattes before kicking you out.
Imaging ogged as the narrator gave it especial pathos.
Dude, I don't put up with that infantilizing shit. And I try not to date women who are prone to infantilize their significant other.
12: Burritos are the gentle pastry of the morning-after. Served with a latté, they will swoon with you.
14: Who wants to watch a new sexual partner eat a burrito?
13: Aww, baby, why so cranky tonight? Can I make you a nice drinky winky?
15: Okay, I'll bite: what food would you prefer to watch your newly bedded mate eat?
(Second thought: burritos: bad for the first date.)
what food would you prefer to watch your newly bedded mate eat?
My peach tart.
13.---Either you and my honey would understand each other right off, or, well, you make very polite gestures around each other, which would be so fucking typically Iranian .
Crumpets are nice for breakfast, too. Maybe with a li'l honey from the honey pot.
18: You're a peach tart.
17: An omelet, with toast, and, if he dawdles in bed while I'm cooking, hash browns.
Obviously, there are those who like sausage for breakfast.
Or there's churros, dipped in chocolate. Delicioso!
18: I wouldn't call your peach "tart," but hey, you know, words.
Huevos are good, especially when coddled.
Pain au chocolat, good coffee. What more do you need?
Or maybe some good wholemeal rolls and some cold meat. Although the omelette isn't the worst possible thing, either.
Leftover dessert is always good: cream pie for breakfast? Cheesecake? Yes to both.
An omelet is good because it's what I make really well without much effort or morning sobriety. In fact, a little post-coital disorientation seems to help with the wrist movement necessary for tossing.
As long as it's a plain omelette, I assume?
Tortilla/fritata style ones not really being ideally suited to early mornings ...
I like a few light veggies and a nice cheese in them. Plain omelets are not impressive. After a first night with a new partner, one does get up very hungry.
What you want is a egg-based light meal that shows off your cooking skills.Something like a tomato-onion-cilantro thin fritatta. Kind of like a breakfast pico. Slice the onions thin, and add the tomatoes late.
And if you must make an omelette, do not fuck about with the cheese. Gruyere or Emmenthaler, there is no third way.
Ah, I think a plain omelette, with maybe just a little cheese grated into it mid-way through is some pretty flashy cooking if done well with the eggs to just the perfect consistency. Maybe a spoonful of creme fraiche and some freshly chopped herbs spooned over it just before it comes out of the pan.
I like the other, heavier kind, but not for breakfast.
33: I like Bucheron, and you can't stop me!
Ah, fuck it. If I go shopping, I'll jinx it, or at least be mortally sad when I wake up alone and make an omelet for my lonesome self. It is a blind date, after all.
re: cheese, I just use whatever hard cheese is in the fridge. That's usually grana padano or pecorino.
If appreciation of goat is a must for you, go ahead. You could do worse. But the Emmenthaler/Gruyere + herbs is the omelette that most diner omelettes aspire to imitate, and as such serves as the archetypal American omelette. I appreciate the jinxing potential of going shopping, but a) you get to pretend that you just have expensive cheeses lying around, and b)worst case scenario you've got really tasty cheese.
One should always have eggs, crème fraîche, milk, and decent coffee. Anything beyond that is gravy.
I have just recalled that he is a litigator with, like, a job, so weeknight hanky-panky will probably be minimal at best. I should probably not plan on sleeping with first dates, anyhow.
38:
I refuse to ingest anything that requires me to hit ALT.
39:
Lies. Quite obvious ones, really. You're trying to anti-jinx, which is admirable, but you need to work on your rationale.
40: Sigh. I'm going to bed. Thanks, all.
Step 1: helping us with clothes.
Step 2: teaching us how to navigate the supermarket.
re: 43
That article on grocery shopping is tragic.
Damn, B is using pretty naughty words in this thread. Peach tart? Sausage? Cream pie?
MY EARS!
Er, eyes.
Whatev.
38 -- gravy for breakfast? I guess with biscuits, yeah. But does AWB have biscuits-and-gravy materials lying around her park slope pad? I think not.
I expected to hate the column from the quoted bit, but the part with the ex on the second page was quite nice. That first-described woman though was frightening.
People haven't been hating on the GF enough. The guy does seem lame. Plenty of blame to go around.
Someone once said something like, "Don't expect them to get better". If there's something mildly annoying about someone at the beginning, it's not going to go away, and it will become much more annoying.
The successful relationships (past 18 months or so) I've known of have been between obliging, affectionate people who are not easily annoyed, and who intrinsically like being with someone and don't like being single at all. (I.e., dependent losers and emotional cripples.)
I know that I am getting old. My first thought about AWB was "Sweet! Breakfast!!," not "Sweet! More sex!!!"
When I get this time reversal thing working I'm definitely making a play for AWB.
43-2: The supermarket execs can go fuck themselves. How the hell am I supposed to know which "substitutes" work and which cause projectile diarrhea and prolonged carrion farts? The occasional need for that sort of info is why they invented cellphones. I don't send other people out with vague instructions to get a fuel injector.
Unlike women, men tend to hone in on the specific thing they want to buy instead of surveying the entire aisle, consultants said. That can be a problem for manufacturers and retailers trying to promote new products that are the life-blood of packaged food companies.
"They were great at picking out the stuff that they bought before. It's the new stuff, or something new and different that a manufacturer is trying to promote, that they have trouble with," said Putnam, who walked along with men as they shopped as part of her study.
Misogynist.
An omelet is good because it's what I make really well without much effort or morning sobriety
Do make sure you make them yourself. A friend of mine once sent the guy she'd brought home down to make breakfast while she had a bath. He found some eggs and decided to make an omelet. He also found what looked like half a dozen baby red peppers, which he chopped in to liven it up. It did: they were habaneros. End of beautiful friendship.
I don't send other people out with vague instructions to get a fuel injector.
This really cracked me up.
The rest of the thread: totally lactonormative.
You people have no souls. I find it enormously moving to contemplate the feeling of being, for one brief but glorious moment, seriously overchicked, and being so overwhelmed by this unexpected state of affairs that one would be tempted to wear odd pants.
PS this has nothing to do with the fact that I am wearing Alexander McQueen-style "bumsters"
Yeah, but you're gay. Also, he wasn't overchicked. He'd become raw material in a fashion busybody's hands.
54: You've just described the last year of my life, except for the odd pants.
56: He'd become a potential recruit for our new galactic overlords and flunked part of the induction screening.
How the hell am I supposed to know which "substitutes" work
I'm sorry, I imagine some lover telling this guy that he has to change his entire wardrobe because right now he's an okay boyfriend but with new clothes he'd be a better boyfriend and I suddenly find myself an advocate for the death penalty for both of them.
The missing part is whether this guy really cares about his former fashion style.
I suspect that many guys (and girls) do not have an intentional well-thought out fashion style.
Much like cooking, I dress in the clothes that are around me or are convenient.
I would be thrilled if someone showed up one day to help train me in cooking or fashion. Of course, I reserve the right to reject any or all of the ideas. But the suggestions and advice I would welcome.
If there was ever a Craigslist poster who I wanted "contact this poster with services or other commercial interests" it was the olean guy.
"Hello, sir, this is John from Pringles. How are you today?"
"Hello sir, this is John from Depends. I have a product here that you might find helpful"
He's making it up. Too few "You ungrateful shit!" and "I only wore those pants so I wouldn't have to hear you bitch!" exchanges in that story to convince me that Professor Copulsky knows what he's talking about.
For once I didn't have anything against the writer (except that the metallic pants did sound fictional). The girlfriend sounded misguided -- pressuring someone into clothes they don't like is stupid -- but no one was bizarrely insane.
ttaM wins as far as I'm concerned. Chocolatey pastry and coffee is perfect. Yes, the omellette is probably more filling, and perhaps more satisfying. But something about parting just ever so slightly hungry after a decadent treat just seems... nice.
"ttaM wins as far as I'm concerned. Chocolatey pastry and coffee is perfect. Yes, the omellette is probably more filling, and perhaps more satisfying. But something about parting just ever so slightly hungry after a decadent treat just seems... nice"
It was a close call for me:
sex with woman plus omlette
v.
sex with man plus chocolate pastry and coffee
I'm not interested in trying out men, but than chocolate pastry and coffee is mighty tempting....
56: But while choosing a really nice pastry would make me look like I have good taste, making an omelet shows that I am comfortably skillful with knives and pans. Also, I am a freak who doesn't really like sweets.
I find it enormously moving to contemplate the feeling of being, for one brief but glorious moment, seriously overchicked, and being so overwhelmed by this unexpected state of affairs that one would be tempted to wear odd pants.
That Neil LaBute movie was terrible.
And while I have a sweet tooth that goes on forever, I don't really want sweets at breakfast. I've never really gotten the hang of omelets myself, though -- scrambled eggs with some kind of cheese melted into them, and bacon or some such, is what I want when I've woken up hungry.
I've never really gotten the hang of omelets myself, though -- scrambled eggs with some kind of cheese melted into them, and bacon or some such, is what I want when I've woken up hungry.
So what you want is...an omelet.
67: A cute little knife in a pretty girl's hand can be a really killer accessory.
No, scrambled eggs aren't an inferior type of omelet, they're something different. Creamier, and less leathery.
71: Is an eight-inch chef's blade "cute"?
Chocolate and coffee for breakfast? Jesus, there'd be a trail of dead bodies between that and my next real meal.
59: And this stuff sounds wonderful too. I'd think any psychological boost from losing a few pounds is going to be offset by the pure joy of encountering uncontrollable intestinal leakage at the mall or mosh pit.
72: If you're omellettes are "leathery," you are absolutely right that you have not gotten the hang of them.
As for creamy scrambled eggs, my SIL was recently describing a dish she made scrambling the eggs in a double boiler then adding smoked salmon and a bit of cream cheese. She said the eggs come out much creamier and lighter cooked that way.
Jeeez people. Too much food talk. Some of us are trying to work here!!!! Lunch isnt for an hour or so!
76: That's about right -- very low heat, although I don't go all the way to a double boiler, and constant whisking. They end up almost like a savory custard.
Adorable, AWB. When will the bunnies be done?
78: Right, the poached scrambled eggs from the NYT Mag a few years ago? I love that.
67: But what about those of us who really don't like eggs? Are we to remain ever hungry after some one-night lovin'? Or must I survey all future first dates on their feelings toward pancakes?
I suppose if I awoke with someone who didn't want eggs, I'd make French toast.
Saying that, my wife used to live near a proper bakery in Prague, and when she came back from working early in the morning, she'd wake me up with freshly baked rolls, rye bread, and other savoury baked goods. Served with cold meats.
That was a pretty stellar breakfast.
82 -- if someone didn't want eggs, the odds seem fairly high to me that they would also not want French toast. I think the best breakfast is oatmeal with strawberries and cream; but I'm polymorphous perverse when it comes to breakfasts, all of the suggestions so far sound delicious to me.
Make sure there's coffee. Some of us will judge others of us very harshly for failing to have a coffee contingency plan.
what about those of us who really don't like eggs?
I don't see why we should have to accommodate Communists.
I think the best breakfast is oatmeal with strawberries and cream;
You misspelled blueberries and maple syrup, but other than that, it's a close second.
re: 86
Communists like eggs. I think you are thinking of some more deviant group -- christo-syndicalists, or something?
See, this is the problem with high achievers, or frustrated high achievers, or whatever it is that y'all are. There's no fancying up necessary here: eggs, bacon, toast.
or whatever it is that y'all are.
I like it when Ogged channels Britney.
Coffee is indeed crucial. I also agree that French toast is fundamentally an example of eggs, though I have no problem with that myself; quite the contrary.
At Julius Meinl in Chicago this weekend, rfts had some just killer baked eggs with spinach, covered in a lovely slightly browned layer of feta. Holy cow (sheep?), was it tasty.
There's no fancying up necessary here: eggs, bacon, toast.
And honestly, the eggs and toast are optional. They can be easily replaced by cigarettes and gin.
Damn, B is using pretty naughty words in this thread. Peach tart? Sausage? Cream pie?
Yeah, but none of the pussies here picked up on it.
Yogurt and honey is a good breakfast.
They can be easily replaced by cigarettes and gin.
Nothing quite says ennui like the early morn swig of gin, while in the background little children are giggling and shouting at the bus stop.
I love how conversations about sex very quickly turn into arguments about food.
re: 96
It's not really an argument, though. Some people have access to the Truth, and some people are apostates.
96: the line which separates sex from food is a very fine one. And re: blueberries and maple syrup, agreed that they are an excellent accompaniment to oatmeal, but not in the summer time. Oh and look: we'll be getting strawberries soon!
94: Who says no one picked up on it? Some of us, apparently, just find ourselves far more distracted by fantasies of actual food than by food-related double entendres. I'm still thinking about ttaM's chocolate pastry and coffee...
"You'll do more situps."
My grandma has a way of ordering everyone around using the future tense. "You'll get me more coffee." "You'll change clothes before you go out." "Did I ever tell you this long, boring, twenty-minute story that could easily be summed up in a sentence if I had any compassion? You'll listen now."
Heebie, it's time I admitted to you that I am in love with your grandma, or at least your stories about grandma.
85: I was taking coffee for granted. Are there actually organism who don't crave coffee after morning sex?
It isn't a Yiddish thing, is it? My Chasidic landlord does the same thing.
I know a surprising number of people (well, a couple, but that there are any surprises me) who have a poorly founded belief that all of their physical and emotional ills can be traced to caffeine. So they're out there, although admittedly I'm not having sex with them.
102: I do, but unfortunately, I've not made coffee in my apartment for two years. I get really addicted to it and get to where I need a whole pot just to get out the door. Now I just have very strong Scottish Breakfast tea. I'm not sure if, addiction-wise, it's not worse.
My mother was only happy in the morning if she fixed everyone A Good Breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice. No substitutes.
it's time I admitted to you that I am in love with your grandma,
Well then, you should know that for breakfast she prefers high-fibered cereal that tastes like dog mush sitting in the milk for ten minutes, and very dilute coffee. It's important to dilute the coffee because she doesn't want to build up a tolerance to caffeine. (Sensitivity to low amounts of caffeine is a virtue.)
I don't know how vigorous the previous night will have been though.
re: 105
I have a whole pot before leaving for work. Admittedly, it's not a huge pot -- 2 big mugs. Then again, I'll probably have only one more mug of coffee all day.
re: 104
Yeah, the anti-caffeine people are crazy. Every recent major study on caffeine consumption has found pretty much none of the ill-effects alleged for it (at reasonable consumption levels).
It isn't a Yiddish thing, is it? My Chasidic landlord does the same thing.
It could very well be. Grandma would deny this, staking her identity around assimilating as best she can. But her parents certainly spoke Yiddish around her all the time.
I'm mad about caffeine, but I find that having a pot of strong tea and then a small cup of coffee before teaching, instead of a huge pot of coffee alone, keeps me from getting evaluations that say, "SHE IS SO HYPER IN THE MORNING YOU WANT TO SHOOT HER IN THE FACE."
My place is free of caffeine, save what various guests have left behind in the way of tea bags and such. There's a Starbucks about a two minute walk from here, so people can deal. Addicts, the lot of you.
There's a Starbucks
GLEEEARGHGGHG
I've somehow picked up a taste for coffee-related sweets without actually picking up a taste for coffee. It's too bad, because sodas don't have enough caffeine.
113 gets it exactly right. Hey have I ever linked this before, here?
So can I brag about the meal I made last night?
Thanks.
Grilled Bread with Sun-Dried Tomato, Goat Cheese, and Caper Spread
Terrine of Charcoal-Roasted Summer Vegetables
Wilted Spinach and Basil Salad with Garlic, Fresh Mozarella, and Tomatoes
Provencal Barbecued Pork Loin Roast
Shit was good, yo.
112: This attitude right here is why Ogged isn't getting laid. "Oh, you want coffee? There's a Starbucks a couple blocks away."
Guys who pull that shit get talked about, you know. And not in a good way.
The Yiddish part ruins Heebie's Texas mystique.
No, I don't especially like Kinky.
118:
Chopper, that sounds delicious. I'm really going to enjoy my turkey sandwich now. Thanks.
116 -- is Manhattan Special available in your neighborhood?
You'd make the girl walk over to the Starbuck's on the corner? Dude.
Is there a way to have coffee available for the poor little dears without having a coffee machine? I think somewhere I have one of these, but fuck if I know what goes in it or how to use it.
Whisper whisper whisper whisper....Starbucks! whisper whisper whisper whisper .... so I put my clothes on and got some coffee .... whisper whisper whisper whisper .....corkscrew shaped! -- like a warthog's!
I bought that doohickey in a fit of considerateness for any potential future caffeine-addicted guests, but my considerateness didn't go so far as to learn what to do with the thing, or what one needs to put in it to get caffeine out the other end. I'm sure any dates can't detect my moralizing contempt for their addiction.
"You'd make the girl walk over to the Starbuck's on the corner? Dude."
Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.
Is it a little drip cone? Filter in the top, scoop of coffee, pour in a cupful of boiling water and wait for it to drip through?
That'd be perfectly acceptable. If you don't drink it yourself, an unopened can of espresso grounds is probably your best bet for emergency coffee service freshness-wise.
The point of all this, of course, is that it would look really ridiculous to appear to have been prepared for the eventuality of this gentleman coming home with me after a first date. Sure, if we'd planned to spend a weekend together, or if sleeping over were understood on a later date, preparations would not seem out of line. We're not talking about hosting a boyfriend here. We're talking about potentially hosting a very attractive stranger whom I may or may not want to see again.
No, the point of this is to individually arm you with the specific information to bed each of us, one at a time.
Espresso grounds. Got it. Thank god they come in cans, or we'd have expired condom type depression.
I don't know about that machine, but a french press is cheap. You grind up some beans or throw the pre-ground stuff in, boil some water, pour it over the coffee, let it sit for a few minutes, put the top part on and press the plunger down. It really isn't hard.
Just please god don't stock shit like those teabag-style coffee bags. My dad had those and I went out and bought him a fucking french press.
it would look really ridiculous to appear to have been prepared for the eventuality of this gentleman coming home with me after a first date
Having eggs and toast in the house is not going to look ridiculous.
132: You can also get little sample-size packs of ground coffee.
130: The trick is having well-thought out ingredients that appear to just be hanging out in your fridge from which to "spontaneously" "throw something together." I would think whipping up an amazing omelet from what appear to be random leftovers would be quite impressive.
134, 136: Yes, this I can do with what's already here without psyching myself out.
104: & 109: I know it's possible to work into a potassium deficiency if one seriously over does it. I think the caffeine tuning is best done like tuning an engine; increase the feed until it sputters and then back off a little at a time until it's running smoothly again.
You can always explain away having perfectly normal and civilised supplies like coffee damnit by refering to houseguests or dinner parties. The lady might then think you have an active social life.
I can see the guy coming in the door, looking in the refrigerator, seeing the eggs, and chuckling smugly to himself.
139: He's a guy, but the principle stands.
140: Of course, if it's not a full dozen, does he start to worry about where the other eggs went? Who ate the other eggs? Does AWB make alot of omelets? Should he be worried if her omelet is *too* good?
And why is her Tivo so fastidiously up-to-date?
"Your eggs aren't just for me, are they? Some other guy seems to have gotten three of them".
Back on the veldt, you know, men were keenly attuned to these things.
"140: Of course, if it's not a full dozen, does he start to worry about where the other eggs went? Who ate the other eggs? Does AWB make alot of omelets? Should he be worried if her omelet is *too* good?"
That made me laugh.
Forget the large box of nearly empty condoms. Check the eggs.
Personally, I want to stay away from eggs when having sex.
144: Alas, not since mid-April.
I'm ridiculously late for work, but I just had a very nice scramble of eggs with spinach, cheddar, and New Mexico green chile sauce. Yum.
74: Boy, you ain't kidding about that. I'm both mean and incoherent until I get an actual FDA-approved serving size of protein and carbs on my stomach. I almost didn't make it during a conference in France... I think French breakfast habits explain something about the national character. Cheese after dinner, and nothing but coffee and white flour for breakfast, and what do you expect but a nation full of people who are constipated and dehydrated until midafternoon.
Your coffee contraption is pretty good - get some decent ground coffee and keep it in the freezer if you don't go through it fast (as a coffee snob, I think Starbucks is good enough for your purposes, but since you're in the Bay Area, you really ought to go for Peets, and they'll sell you 1/2 lbs freshly ground). 2 tablespoons of ground coffee per cup, heaping ones for your west coast guests.
I don't know if there's an apostrophe in Peet's, but I really like their coffee.
Clearly, I should be dating cerebrocrat.
You've all forgotten that you should keep a tart apple on the nightstand, which will allow you to take care of your morning breath and get busy without having to get out of bed and brush your teeth. Then, when you've really worked up a good appetite, you can have a proper breakfast -- oeufs en meurette, perhaps, or eggs Benedict. The trick is never to sleep with anyone who can't make basic French sauces.
what do you expect but a nation full of people who are constipated and dehydrated until midafternoon
The national breakfast motto is "café, clope [cigarette], caca."
AWB, as happy as I am to find another un-besweet-toothed freak out there, I have to hate you for a while. I, too, have a date coming up, and while I was already resigned to a week of sleeplessness in anticipation of it, you've now given me two more things to worry about. It hadn't even occurred to me that it could go so well that I'd have him over the first time out. So now, I've gotta get a haircut and some duds, AND clean the apartment and buy breakfast foods before this weekend.
How the hell am I going to get any work done this week.
I seldom have anything more than coffee for breakfast -- yet am I ill-tempered? Hardly!
Forget the large box of nearly empty condoms.
Ew. I'd find a large box of "nearly empty" condoms pretty troubling too.
Peet's. I meant Peet's.
And while 152 may or may not be true, just for clarity, my date is not with Ogged.
155: Oh, fuck. The haircut. I have needed a haircut for ages.
I don't even know when the date will be. He asked if I could be spontaneous, and he'd give me a call after work today, or tomorrow, or Thursday. Clearly he does not understand the kinds of anxiety and preparation that will go into this.
nearly empty condoms.
Sorry to hear about your problem, there.
154: I have a girlfriend who says, in a gin-soaked old lady voice, "cigarettes and coffee, oo needs laxatives?"
I'd find a large box of "nearly empty" condoms pretty troubling too.
Keep your box of condoms chock full of full condoms. Tie them off like balloons if you're a tidy sort.
nearly empty condoms
Hey enough with the size jokes huh? Some of us are touchy about that kind of thing.
He asked if I could be spontaneous, and he'd give me a call after work today, or tomorrow, or Thursday.
Dude, that's just not right. He'd better be good.
multiply pwned. Oh well.
I seldom have anything more than coffee for breakfast -- yet am I ill-tempered? Hardly!
Me too, and I too am delightfully magnanimous in disposition.
He asked if I could be spontaneous
Is this another signal that this guy is married?
I wasn't going to say anything, but yeah, that'd make me very tense in the absence of a decent explanation for his being unable to make plans a couple of days out.
161: I have a friend who did outdoor education trips (a la NOLS, Outward Bound, etc) for years and they'd always keep an emergency stash of coffee on hand for the inevitable person who was all freaked out about pooping in the woods and would get themselves so stopped up after a few days that it'd become a drag on the group. Coffee was a magic antidote, he assured.
would get themselves so stopped up after a few days that it'd become a drag on the group.
That is stopped up.
167: Maybe he's married, maybe he's not; what does it matter? It could actually be that his life is not such that he can make plans very easily. I certainly know people like this, and the reasons are usually career related. And if he's married, that'll come out eventually--if the relationship lasts that long--and decisions can be made at that time.
Yeah, married, schmarried. Just don't forget the eggs.
Remember, though, only one egg per condom. You want them nearly empty.
Don't make him eggs if he's married. What a jerk. No eggs for you.
I doubt he's married, actually, as a quick search of his name on various social networking sites shows he's looking for dates there, too. And he seems otherwise eager; he biked by my neighborhood yesterday while I was at Coney Island and thought it would be fun to hang out in the park. He just seems kind of seat-of-his-pants, which is good for me, but anxiety-producing for a first date.
I wasn't thinking married necessarily, just someone being an obnoxious control freak: "How bad do you want this date? Badly enough to hang by the phone for a couple of days prepared to jump when I call? Good. Next week, we'll find a new hoop to jump through."
Professional reasons might justify it, but I'd want some apologetic and well-fleshed out explanations.
173: Or put milk in the condoms, and poke little holes in the bottom, and you can pretend you're nursing. Very romantic.
166: It's such a pity that we can't teach everyone the magical secret of our good nature.
You should poke little holes in the bottom of all your condoms anyhow. Otherwise, your penis can't breathe.
Hmmm...what was it I said earlier about some people feeling that their ideal romantic relationship would take place purely at their convenience and take up no more than 10% of their free time?
177: Not all of us have unguline udders, you know.
10% seems like a lot. Maybe that's my basic problem.
This is a math problem. He is juggling various women. The calculations of availability and desirability cannot be finalized until the last minute.
Or maybe it's a blind date and he's treating it casually. Which doesn't bode well for AWB's fretting over possible breakfasts, I admit.
Eggs and coffee goes into the equation somewhere.
Darn it. I need to preview before I post.
176: That had occurred to me, since I've dated a damn lot of control freaks and tend to be paranoid about them. I just don't know. He seems good-natured, smart, and open, more so than other people I've gone out with. I'm wondering if his recent move didn't have something to do with a break-up, which would explain some of this behavior--not wanting to end up at his place if it's not totally furnished, not knowing where in his neighborhood to go for a date, etc. Everyone is kind of weird about stuff after a break-up and a move.
Doesn't AWB actually dislike eggs? Isn't that what's holding her back from delicious aïoli?
seat-of-his-pants, which is good for me
Shorter AWB: "Bend over, boyfriend!"
NO AIOLI
SURELY NO MOBY
OBI WAN KENOBI TOLD ME
IN THE LOBBY
188: It's just mayonnaise I despise, and I have said before my hatred of it is irrational. I have contentedly consumed a nice homemade aïoli, but I still wouldn't seek it out.
187: Seriously, dude, you are overthinking. Does it bug you that he did that? That's all that matters. If it bugs you, then you probably won't want to be dating this guy; if it doesn't, then hey, maybe you will if you and he have a good time on this one date.
193: Shhh. Next you'll be saying that Starbucks is perfectly good coffee.
re: 194
Man, Starbucks coffee mings like a very minging thing. I'm not a coffee snob, 3 out of the 4 big chains here in Oxford make perfectly acceptable coffee (for me), but Starbucks... meh. Watery, sour cat's piss tasting shite.
Hey speaking of mayonnaise, I made potato salad last night which came out truly remarkably well. And with mayo from a jar! But check it out: I rinsed the potato cubes several times in cold water after I boiled them -- this did something magical to the starch to make it combine with the dressing (mayo, mustard, salt and vinegar) in this fantastically creamy way. It was one of the best potato salads I've ever made, on a par with my grandma's. We had a very nice barbecue though a bit more pedestrian than the Chopper's.
195: Oh for god's sake, it's fine. It's not the best coffee in the entire world, but it's a damn sight better than what my parents drank.
It's probably a sign of subjection to obsolete food fads, but potato salad with a healthy dollop of pesto added to the dressing is fantastic.
I like tuna salad with apples in it.
I should really start sleeping with more people so they can be exposed to the delight that is coffee at my house in the morning: freshly ground Intelligentia beans through my lovely coffee maker, better than some coffee shops that serve it.
And a little curry powder in the mayo? Mmm.
201:
Yummmm Curry. Just about anything is better with curry.
200: Sounds delicious. Do you have a sign-up sheet or something?
Orgy at M. Leblanc's! Coffee and doughnuts to follow.
203: I'm second on the list, after Jesus.
Starbucks is better than what my parents drank, but not better than what I make myself, or alternatives often available. Near Chicago and State where I often find myself, a shop sells Intelligentsia only a few doors down from a Starbucks.
I still drink freeze-dried once a week, just before an appointment. It makes reminiscing about my past rather appropriate.
Oh also! I meant to thank LB for her yogurt-garlic marinade recommendation, which I followed with good results. (Also put in coriander, cumin, fennel and ginger.)
"203: I'm second on the list, after Jesus."
After Jesus comes, do you really want to be in an orgy?
One trick for you drip-machine users is to rinse the filter in extremely hot water just before putting the coffee in. I'm not exactly sure what this does, but I think more of the nuance of the flavor gets through or some shit.
I also want to echo B's yogurt and honey breakfast. Except best with Fage or other sour greek-type yogurt. Yum yum yum.
Jesus' first coming is no big deal.
209: When Jesus comes, it's all gonna be one big orgy, man.
209: Unconditional love, baby.
I've recently realized about Greek yogurt and what I've been missing all my life. Never again with that watery shit.
I'm thinking that Jesus is not your best sexual stud-model.
Yogurt needs fat. Full fat yogurt, a little honey, and berries? So, so good.
Fage is actually not particularly sour, but it is super thick and delicious.
Okay, I haven't had Fage, but it is my experience that greek yogurt is less sour than the watery stuff. Even without honey.
Starbucks beans are fine or good, definitely better than our parents' coffee. The way to get a good cup at a Starbucks is to order an Americano with LOTS of extra room. On the rare occasion when they actually follow that direction, you'll get the freshness of an espresso drink, not as watered down as their brewed coffee.
I'm intrigued by the Intelligentsia beans, maybe I have to try these? I've still never had anything better than Peet's, but I'm open to the idea that such a thing exists. The darker roasts from GimmeCoffee are pretty close.
218: w-lfs-n:fage::apostropher:thick southern drawl
180: You should poke little holes in the bottom of all your condoms anyhow
There's already a hole in the bottom. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to put it on, would you?
217: Oh hell yes. Nonfat yogurt, why bother. J'ever try that sheep milk yogurt with the green label? Spendy, but tasty. I like a bit of tang in my yogurt, so's I know all the little beasties are in there, on their way to take up residence in my insides.
Starbucks isn't that bad, but their coffee always tastes a little burnt to me. Not enough to outweigh the convenience factor, though. I have two Starbucks within a mile of my house.
Cerebrocrat: Have you bought beans from Porto Rico Imports, on Bleeker Street? It's been a long time since I drank Peet's so I won't hazard a comparison; but I'm a big fan of Porto Rico beans. Plus they are inexpensive.
Fresh fruit for breakfast. Also yogurt (plain, sans high-fructose corn syrup) and granola. With fresh fruit in it.
Funny, when I was in college, the salad bar in the cafeteria always included yogurt and something like grapenuts, and I used to derisively describe the concoction people made from this as "gravel and paste." Now I love it. With fruit. Goes to show that one never stops growing up.
221: Oh, right, thanks for jogging my memory. Yum.
Apo just said that in 221, rfts.
228: By which I mean that apparently I've had Fage after all.
222: You're holding them upside down.
This is why we all say you aren't funny, b.
226: Our Memorial Day breakfast (having feasted on plank-smoked/grilled salmon and salad and things the day before) was Grape Nuts and fresh strawberries from the farmer's market. Rah had a touch of yogurt in his, I took mine dry. So delicious.
They're putting high-fructose corn syrup in yoghurt now? Jesus.
The 'fruit-on-the-bottom' stuff. That's all corn syrup, I assume.
I can't believe it's been almost 100 comments and nobody followed up on cerebrocrat's 155. Tell! Is this the woo-by-academic-articles guy?
Grape-nuts remind me too much of a childhood in which I was not allowed to eat any breakfast cereals with sugar in them, which sort of limited me to rice/wheat/corn puffs and Grape-nuts -- later in childhood my parents decided to allow Cheerios despite the presence of a little bit of sucrose. Funny cause nowadays I don't like the sweet cereals, and seek out ones that are not sweetened -- but they have to be other than what I was constrained to eat as a child. Aren't Grape-nuts the only packaged breakfast cereal made from barley?
True; my only explanation is that we were all bedazzled by the thought of breakfast foods. Yeah, what gives?
Aren't Grape-nuts the only packaged breakfast cereal made from barley?
Baby says no. And nobody puts Baby in a corner.
They're putting high-fructose corn syrup in yoghurt now?
Fuck yeah. Read the labels, it's pretty annoying. Not even just the fruit-on-the-bottom stuff. All of 'em, pretty much.
Around here, the only ones without it are Stonyfield Farms (a little hard to find in most stores) and Brown Cow (harder to find).
234: You ate Grape Nuts DRY?! Can you talk afterward? That's like chewing on aquarium gravel. You are a badder ass than I.
Clownae, I'll give the Porto Rico beans a try. I generally favor Indonesian beans, but I'm always game to find something that's both good and cheap.
Yeah, my definition of an annoying business trip is one where the hotel breakfast bar offers a choice between yogurt with corn syrup and yogurt with aspartame. Blech.
re: all the Starbucks defenders.
Seriously, it's fucking rank. Maybe they make it differently in the UK from the US, but it's massively worse than any of the other big chains in this area. And I don't say that because of some prejudice against the company, the place I tend to favour is another big chain.
yogurt with aspartame
Truly an abomination.
And yes, that's the guy. Although I didn't mind at all being distracted by breakfast food talk. Believe me.
242: Of course; the yogurt was potentially a little manky and I was not brave and I do not take well to straight-up milk. I prefer all cereal dry anyway. Wet cereal is gross. The strawberries were all sweet and juicy and just fine to dampen it up a little.
ate Grape Nuts DRY?!
It's good for your teef. And, um, your jaw muscles.
I do not take well to straight-up milk
You poor thing, bless your heart.
245: Is it your first date with him?
Wet cereal is gross.
McManly Pants speaks the truth.
I like a bit of tang in my yogurt
I was under the impression you didn't roll that way, cerebrocrat.
241.---I just checked the big thing of yoghurt I just bought. Phew. Stonyfield Farms, as you say.
249: We all have our cross, darlin'.
I've been cleaning my kitchen and now have gotten into that weird mood where I think things like "Holy shit, my kettle is filthy," while completely ignoring much more noticeable things, like the numerous stacks of papers all over my couch.
I don't say that because of some prejudice against the company.
I do have a prejudice against the company, they spent a lot to buy out our lease and it's noncompete clause. But it is better than the freeze-dried my parents drank, often handed to me fizzing.
I'm just bending over backwards to be fair to what I detest, the Keillor-syndrome, named for something else I detest and try to be fair to.
From now on, every time I see a woman in a store buying eggs oe coffee, I'll wonder what she's up to.
From now on, every time I see a woman in a store buying eggs oe coffee, I'll wonder what she's up to.
Look for the tan line on her ring finger, too. But then again, wouldn't that violate the Emerson Relationship Policy?
The first time I ever heard of Starbuck's, they bought out and tore down a beloved local ice cream parlor so that they could compete directly with a long-established Peet's less than a block away.
Despite this personal animus, I have given the coffee a fair taste as an adult. It tastes like ass. I'd rather drink watery cart-coffee: at least that costs only 50 cents!
I don't see how homewrecking would be in violation of Emerson's policy.
256: It's been said: you're way overthinking this. You said it's a blind date? Heaven's sake, woman, the chance that you'll like this guy enough for him to spend the night are probably less than 50%.
Not to say that any excuse for cleaning the apartment isn't good.
JM: I thought cart-coffee was more like $1.00 nowadays.
Seriously, it's fucking rank.
As coffee, yes. For various sorts of caffeinated but non- alcoholic flavored cocktails fancied by the sort of broad Phillip Marlowe or Mike Hammer gets involved with just before the beatings and shootings begin, Startbuck's is okay.
Isn't the point of first dates to overthink them and get all excited and start preparing days early?
262: My paranoia and anxiety has been acknowledged, yes. It doesn't make them go away.
266: Yeah, and I get the sense that he's the kind of guy who would find my particular brand of nervousness quite titillating. Or maybe not, but I am a severe nervous blusher, and very cute when I do so.
248: well, if he eats 'em often, I'll assume Robust can bite through steel.
252: What, it was good enough for the astronauts, good enough for me. Complete rda of vitamin C, too.
250: yep. Also, 256 is hilarious because my kettle is shined to a mirror as a result of my last cleaning, even while unpacked boxes still remain sitting awkwardly in my living room.
265 -- I am not remembering now. I know a donut plus coffee was usually $1.00 downtown in 1996 or so, when I was regularly buying a donut and coffee at a cart. And I seem to remember pretty regularly walking past carts in midtown over the last couple of years and noticing that the prices were higher than that.
261. I don't see how homewrecking would be in violation of Emerson's policy.
I am disturbed by the image of Emerson cruising the grocery store, pretending not to know where the items on his list are located, chatting up the unwary female with eggs and coffee in her cart (and adultery on her mind). Best not to dwell on it.
I see Emerson dressing up in a giant white quart-of-milk costume and getting inside the freezer and hoping some unsuspecting MILF picks him.
266: Yeah. Yes. It's the cutest damned thing.
re: 272
Like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViRvNM9R4G4
?
269.2: Such charming innocence. I was thinking about this kind of tang.
You guys want to see something pretty? Look.
Re: Starbucks. I don't drink coffee, so I don't care. Affect a new complaint.
275: Aha! I *knew* I didn't really get what you were talking about; and now it's clear why. I did my best to cover.
Then in the morning the pretty young thing siezes her cute little knife with the 8" blade, and I'm in a world of hurt. But excited!
I hate coming in 300 comments into one of these threads.
On coffee: see this illustration plus following pages.
On breakfast: there's a pefectly charming bit from one of those 19th or maybe 18th century famous lovers, Casanova maybe, on how a gentleman ought to be able to break his fast in any place, and consequently should have some bread, tomatoes and olive oil on his person at all times.
On the grocery store article: "Men tend to hone in on the specific thing they want to buy instead of surveying the entire aisle... That can be a problem for manufacturers and retailers trying to promote new products." And this is a bad thing?
"I see Emerson dressing up in a giant white quart-of-milk costume and getting inside the freezer and hoping some unsuspecting MILF picks him."
Never really liked the term MILF. Besides, I've gotten to the age where the women are "of a certain age." (ie mom's or could be mom's.)
280: "on his person"? As in, "wallet, keys, watch, Blackberry, sourdough starter..."?
I actually kind of detest the word MILF too. I was just trying to make the joke go through.
276: So that's mountain laurel? You just answered a question I never asked out loud. I came across a huge flowering bush of this the last time I took the kids down to the Eno River and wondered what it was. The flowers are really strange-looking
Samantha Bee did a thing on "Newscasters I'd Like to Fuck". Mostly blonde chicks.
Oddly enough, Lara Logan, a hardcore reporter, is blonde and very cute. So is Amanpour, in her distinguished Segolene-esque way
MILF comes from dork comedy, no?
284 -- Yep. Well that's what Ellen calls it anyway, she who is my conduit for all matters involving gardening knowledge.
Amanpour is cute but not blonde. We regret the error.
285: Lara Logan is sometimes blonde.
way up at 103: very possibly a Yiddish thing. In a closely related Germanic language the second-person future and a slightly odd but grammatically acceptable construction of the second-person imperative are the same. You will see there may be some overlap.
almost as far up at 118: but did you bake the bread? Just sayin.
289. Can we get a carpet and drapes comparison shot, Apo?
I'm intrigued by the Intelligentsia beans, maybe I have to try these?
Cerebrocrat, they're definitely worth a try. The Intelligentsia House blend is a delight.
Also worth a look are Metropolis Coffee Company, who I haven't been able to try yet since they're a much smaller roaster and their cafe is pretty out-of-the-way for me, but their prices look reasonable, they've won a number of awards, and I've only heard good things about them locally.
282: I believe so, although he might have recommended carrying a small and handy breakfast kit containing such items. Couldn't find the quote with a half-hearted google, and I'm not sure I read it online anyway.
289,292: "Blonde" for a mediterranean value of blonde anyway.
Metropolis! I hear good things about that place, then I forget about it. I've been shopping around for a coffee shop at which to camp out for the summer to do my studying, so I should check it out.. only a few stops from me on the red line. Thanks, JAC!
a gentleman ought to be able to break his fast in any place
Exactly right. I've taken to always carrying some snacks wherever I go.
Ogged, what's your snack of choice? I go with Clif bars, but I should mix it up a bit.
I'm starting to hate that we're the same person.
292: Well, the Intelligentsia site definitely got my attention. May have to have some 'o that fancy Sumatra. (is it just me, or is their logo lifted from San Pellegrino?)
A gentleman needs no grander repast than a simple olive and simple gin.
Fruit and Nut Delight, baby. Clif bars are good, but a bit sweet for me. I also carry some soy milk, but that's optional.
292: I hate when someone does this to me, but the quote you're thinking of isn't Casanova. It's Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett in Good Omens inventing a quote from Casanova.
But how did you know JAC was thinking of a quote, LB?
Ogged, what's your snack of choice? I go with Clif bars,
Personally, I prefer restricting my snacking to food, rather than kibble.
301: irregardless, it's a great quote. thanks.
292, 293... small differences are unimportant to someone who's just outed herself as having memorized the complete works of Terry Prachett. When I think of the more useful things I could have done with my life....
Wow, ogged, you swear by food from a company called "peaceworks" that's handmade in Australia and benefits Middle East peace? You really do live in California.
Hey, my link didn't work. Is there a trick to linking to an Amazon 'search inside the book' page?
295: Hey, for all your Chicago-boosting needs.
And that fast-breaking point is a good one, but that's why I've developed a handy knowledge of brunch places and 24-hour diners in most neighborhoods where I'm ever likely to end up. There's no such thing as a portable breakfast that doesn't violate LB's extremely sensible no-kibble rule.
And totally OT, some troll over at Ezra Klein's just turned in Bob McManus to the FBI. I think, anyway -- it's not absolutely clear that it was Bob who got turned in.
If you need legal assistance, Bob, just email.
I eat them because they're good, leblanc. I don't like Arabs any more than you do.
Carrying snacks around -- god, I always think I must be old, or weird, for this. The last time I took a day trip out of town, I brought a bag of mixed cashews, sunflower seeds and organic raisins (red flame!) and munched on them in the museum.
Friends and I used to play a silly game: What's in your pocket?
A hair tie, some loose change, a couple of ticket stubs ...
Ogged: Fruit and Nut Delight, baby.
256: It seems reasonable to draw a line between filth and a mere mess. My kitchen is maybe not perfect, but much cleaner than my living room. Who cares that a pile of receipts and credit card junk mail and stuff have been where they are long enough to gather cobwebs? It's not like there aren't plenty of other chairs, cleaning them up will be relatively easy when I do get around to it, and the worst-case scenario resulting from that is looking disorganized. Not roaches or salmonella or the hideous smells that could potentially result from being negligent elsewhere.
The point of all this is twofold: one, you really shouldn't worry about a mess in some parts of the house as much as in others, and two, at least you aren't as bad as me.
I can't dislike the ex in the NYTMOdernLOve story, for two reasons.
1) People should dress better, it makes them hotter, that seems like a reasonable request.
2) I get the feeling that girls trying to get their boys into cooler clothes is like boys trying to get girls into better music. Happens all the time, rarely sucessful. Also, a dude's clothes (and a girl's music taste) is a quick way to find otu abotu their dating history, since thats probably where they picked up any good habits.
ALSO why is this thread not abotu sex? this site is going weird lately.
I tried to make it about sex, yoyo, but they turned into a discussion of food, as usual.
(and a girl's music taste)
Well played, sir -- well played.
what's your snack of choice
I've mentioned this previously, but I am fond of Sahale Snacks. They're a little bit more expensive, but I prefer nut based snacks to protein bars.
Also, my favorite raisins ever are the Sunview Raisins. I like them so much that when the local co-op stopped carrying them I order them by the case and give cans to all my friends.
IT could just be that my perception is off. I switched from prozac to effexor and its like jr high all over again in my pants.
308 is exactly right. People, we live in the US of A. Food is not hard to find.
319: Really? I thought effexor was supposed to have the opposite effect.
Usually. Doesn't seem to make a difference to me either way. Anyway, congrats on the switch.
Well, neither are/were doing much for the depression/anxiety. Still, One less thing to worry about it good. I've heard people say it was bad too, so i guess i'm just a bit unusual.
320:
People, we live in the US of A. Food is not hard to find
Meh. B., why do you say such retarded things some times?
Gah.
That's weird about the effexor not helping the depression. How long have you been on it? Because ime, it worked right quick.
323: It's retarded to say that carrying around protein bars so that you don't have to hit a vending machine is kinda silly? Sue me.
Speaking of right quick, b, you should reply to my email.
The good Clif bars are the chocolate mint that have added caffeine.
You can't sue somebody for being retarded.
Done. Let me know if you didn't get a reply--Yahoo's a li'l wonky for me this afternoon.
328: This is the US of A. You can file suit against anyone for anything.
No, I got it. Please don't bring up the email failure possibility; I'm too busy checking every five seconds as it is.
Sweet. I'm gonna go put on my suing panties.
331: Huh. Well, I didn't get your reply, so obviously Yahoo's not entirely up to speed yet.
Right. I did. Fuck this. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Ogged, this is no time for your juvenile antics.
Try my other addy? firstlast at gmail?
You're right, I'll just report you to the FBI, like a big boy.
About 3 weeks, and maybe 4 weeks on prozac before that.
Look, I'm going to be really upset if my email isn't sending messages. This is serious.
341: What, you thought after all your abuse I was going to remain faithful? Tool.
Although its (social mostly) anxiety more than depression, i think.
345: Ah. Mine was definitely the crazy ass depression shit. The social anxiety, I have no useful advice to offer. Drinking?
Get buzzed and text her. Just try not to text anyone else.
Having email that won't work truly sucks. We are sorry, Mr. Labs.
It takes like 12 drinks to get me to the stage where anxiety reduces. at about 15 i'll pass out.
and it only takes like 6 for me to start saying crazy funny stuff. but i can't force myself to start conversations for shit.
Doesn't the drinking interact poorly with the medicating?
Ah. Yeah, that's gotta be no fun. Good luck with the Effexor, and if it doesn't work, make the bastards give you other shit until something does.
I dunno about anxiety, but I think highly of Celexa.
Oh, i haven't drank that much since i've been on the meds. just a couple a few times a week. Mostly becuase i've been trying to get cuaght up on schoolwork and its not like i'm going out with friends anyway. I haven't really noticed any interaction.
1.) Mojo bars (from Cliff) sre pretty good.
2.) I was kind of disappointed in Fage. Trader Joe's Greek-style yogurt is thicker and slightly tarter; it's delicious.
#309. Outlaw that he is, Bob must be used to that sort of thing by now. Still, in memory of Bernadette Dorn (who is alive and kicking, I realize), Bob McManus is always welcome at my house.
It takes like 12 drinks to get me to the stage where anxiety reduces
Atta boy! Deal with your problems the old fashioned way.
#352. As a friend of mine used to say, "What I like about booze is how it mixes so well with the lithium."
ate a lot of phage in greece couple decades ago. super, super good. whole new meaning to the word giaourti.
what gets here on the export market, i couldn't say.
I always wish they'd separate out the do-not-drink martini glass with a slash through it symbol on medication. Like, am I going to have a low tolerance and a great time? Or am I going to wreck my liver? These are two very different scenarios.
yeah, i wish you could still get ahold of ghb. that shit was great with booze.
323: It's retarded to say that carrying around protein bars so that you don't have to hit a vending machine is kinda silly? Sue me.
How quickly they forget that not all vending machines are the West Coast variety. Forget corn-syrup-laced yogurt, try working in a place where the hideously expensive vending machine sells tiny packets of oily, fake-sugared "food." At that point bringing your own food is not only cheaper but the only way to avoid becoming a crank.
Nick, I'm going to have to check out those Sahale things. I'm always looking for stuff like that.
In ohio the only thing in vending machines are sodas, candy bars, chips, and m&ms.
And gum. And life-savers. Don't forget the weird little rack at the very bottom of all vending machines.
I never considered the possibility that healthy vending machines might be common somewhere. Is 361 serious?
Don't forget the weird little rack at the very bottom of all vending machines.
Nice, heebie. That won't make them self-conscious at all.
I can't bother to google myself, but I had a bad experience with effexor + one martini where I ended up on the bathroom floor once. Before that I hadn't noticed any particularly different effect when drinking, but the combo of a strong drink quickly drunk on a mostly empty stomach and the pills really knocked me on my ass. Be careful with that shit.
364: I don't know about finding healthy food in vending machines. But I still stand by the statement that it's not hard to find something to eat if you need to, even if you've somehow unconscionably failed to pack your morning yuppie energy snack in your bag.
Rack didn't mean breasts, and bottom didn't mean tushie, Standpipe.
But I still stand by the statement that it's not hard to find something to eat if you need to, even if you've somehow unconscionably failed to pack your morning yuppie energy snack in your bag.
Yeah people, eat that nasty vending machine food and shut your traps already.
I can't bother to google myself, but I had a bad experience with effexor + one martini where I ended up on the bathroom floor once.
Whereas this is when I start googling myself. Heebie, you sexy thing.
I dunno, i've only blacked out once, and it was an intentional attempt at it. Alcohol doesn't do increadibly much for me, and seems to do less and less with age. Maybe this will be my time to shine.
If it's depression, you'll want to cut the alcohol for the most part anyway -- it being a depressant and generally tending to counteract the point of the meds.
For anxiety, I know a couple of people who swear by Lexapro. Personally, nicotine does the trick for me. Hard to say how much any of this anecdotal evidence is placebo-effect...
124: I think somewhere I have one of these, but fuck if I know what goes in it or how to use it.
They just give out M.A.s in philosophy like cheap candy these days, don't they?
Rack didn't mean breasts, and bottom didn't mean tushie
So sorry. I have committed a boner.
Hm, i never really enjoyed nicotine, just the smoking ritual. maybe i shoudl try smoking more, at least before i try to socialize. my depression is mostly about failure to socialize anyway.
Yeah people, eat that nasty vending machine food and shut your traps already.
Or, you know, they have these things called grocery stores.
Or, you know, they have these things called grocery stores.
Indeed! They are great places to go to pick up tasty snacks, or the ingredients for tasty snacks, to bring to work with you!
375: ...which is where one gets granola bars, etc. to carry in one's bag. I always carry a bag of trail mix or a granola bar to go to the school where I teach. There is seriously no food within a mile radius from my office that isn't headache-inducingly bad.
Update: So I decided, re 159, that not knowing the day was making me overly anxious and annoyed, and that I hadn't been forthcoming about that, so I asked for an estimate. He said probably tomorrow. Yay!
J'aime les taistie snaques.
Standpipe eats french fries.
Yay, A White Bear has a date!
So, hey, AWB, what makes this guy such a tempting fruit, anyway? Whet our appetite a little bit.
Est-ce que c'est un snaque Andalou?
380, don't jinx AWB's chances by calling her date a fruit!
Who does not eat french fries? Crazy people, that's who.
377a, pwned by rfts.
Snacks were something I didn't understand the purpose of until I started teaching after a 2-hour one-way commute. After my second class, students start annoying me with loads of questions, and I'm all hungry and testy when I should be loving and helpful. Granola bar saves the day. Kashi makes an extremely yummy honey-almond-flax one that gives me great joy.
At Ma Bell the vending machine had in it microwavable pork rinds.
microwavable pork rinds.
Wow. Huh.
380: (a) He's one Daniel-Day-Lewis-lookin' motherfucker. Super-cute.
(b) He writes clear and varied prose.
(c) His stated purpose in dating is to find a witty and lascivious lady who will tell him about all kinds of stuff he does not yet know about.
(d) He seems to have an excellent grasp of history, literature, and film, and has a degree in studio art.
(e) He expresses what seems to be quite genuine political outrage and desires the same in a partner.
I tend towards the weak and useless when I need a snack, but the same principle applies. Meanwhile, one of the members of my dissertation committee gets extremely cranky when hungry and is also rendered completely incapable of recognizing that hunger is what is afflicting him. Eventually I started automatically stopping by the vending machines on the way to his office and bringing him a small bag of Fritos.
387 addendum: In fact, he seems so much like "our type" that I'm terrified that I'll find out he's a lurker here. Uh, hi, date.
387: Sounds excellent. So what are you going to wear?
In preference to Doritos?
Doritos smell kind of horrible, and Fritos at least are composed solely of corn, corn oil, and salt. They're practically actual food!
390: Probably this parachute-silk skirt I have (worth $300, bought for $5, wore it to the last meetup here), some kind of cute top (still undecided), and maybe my new Burberry pumps. Or maybe my more walkable Steve Madden pumps, since he's the "active" type and might like a tour of the neighborhood.
Fritos have in common with Wheat Thins that chewing converts them into this horrible grainy sludge that I don't want to have to swallow.
How long is the skirt? What color is it? Is it clingy or billowy? How high are the heels? (I like clothes.)
When pork rinds appeared in the vending machine at my last job, I sent out an all-staff email about it.
They're practically actual food!
I nearly eat them. I really, nearly do.
Fritos have in common with Wheat Thins that chewing converts them into this horrible grainy sludge that I don't want to have to swallow.
First, that's hilarious. Second, add Power Bars to this list. Power Bars make me do the little kid move where you spit out the food and then try to wipe your tongue off with your hand.
You're supposed to put stuff on Wheat Thins. Like brie or tuna.
The SMs are pretty tall, like 3.5", but they're wedges and the front is also like .5", so it's not so severe. They're super-comfy and I wear them all over.
The skirt is a narrow A-line, with several panels of black silk about seven inches wide, with a liner underneath. It billows a little bit. The hem came out ages ago bc I treat it like crap, but it looks pretty cool.
I'm thinking of wearing my babydoll T that has a printing press on it and says "despair stops / tactics begin," but maybe that's going overboard. I'm getting the sense he's pretty casual, though, and I don't want to show up looking too fancy.
Power Bars are definitely not anything approaching actual food, for me.
I've tried putting cheese on Wheat Thins. It never seems to make them more palatable, in their chewed form.
The skirt sounds awesome. I endorse it. And I endorse wearing it with a casual t-shirt. Baby-doll t-shirts fit me weird - I look overly muscular and broad-shouldered. But if it's a good cut on you, go for it.
It's actually a horrible cut on me, which make me want to wear something else, but I don't want to wear a button-down and look all teacherly. Any suggestions?
It never seems to make them more palatable, in their chewed form.
Just let mama bird keep her own food, okay?
What would the slogan on the t-shirt you will probably not wear signify?
415: The importance of the printing press for social and political revolution. It's like my dissertation in T-shirt-slogan form.
414: I'll bring you fat juicy worms
I'll bring you millipedes
Open your beak and shut your eyes
We're gonna live in the trees
We're gonna live in the trees.
A v-neck tee shirt sort of thing? Sleeveless top?
What about like a super-thin old t-shirt? Like maybe a men's white v-neck or an old 70's shirt that's not too obnoxious in it's time-travelling-ness.
I personally don't think there's such a thing as "too obnoxiously 70's", but I'm trying to be more widely palatable in advice-form.
417 -- so it would not be intended as meta-commentary on the interaction the two of you would be engaged in?
I do have a super-bitching men's Christian Dior shirt that I found in a subway stop in a dry-cleaning bag, that I then cut V's out of to make it girl-shaped and then sewed the edges together with tiny red and gray X's. Very DIY chic.
I happen to own the perfect super-thin old t-shirt, featuring the English Beat. It incidentally makes my tits look spectacular, but does not at all give the impression that this is the point of the shirt. If you have something similar, that would be great.
Or a men's undershirt style tank top. Notice I didn't say wife-beater, but that's what I'm trying to communicate. Or any kind of tank top that's flattering and comfortable.
On a date, I'm most comfortable when I'm wearing flattering clothes.
Hm. I like the idea. I don't have the world's greatest upper arms, though, and fear that T-shirtyness will make me self-conscious. That is, my upper arms are all strong and awesome at sports, but my best upper-body feature is my neck/clavicle area.
Power Bars have corn syrup, guys. That's why they're gluey and disgusting on your tongue.
But, uh, I like Wheat Thins. On occasion.
As far as the healthy foods in vending machines, I was a little bit tweaking B but a little bit serious. It is emphatically true that I have found it easier to get single-serving nutritious food on the spur of the moment on the West Coast than the East. Particularly in the PNW.
Ah! I do have a 70's vintage light-green-and-white-striped T, super-thin, that I like, but maybe it's not the most flattering of my parts. Or--ex-boyfriend's old wifebeater under a bright green deep scoop-neck top?
Wouldn't that make the ex sort of a silent witness to the affair?
Is it a 5? I rank my clothes on a scale of 1 to 5 about once or twice a year. 1's and 2's I get rid of. 3's I keep, but they're on probation. 4's and 5's are clothes I love everything about, including how they fit on me. 5's are what you wear on a date.
Bright green + white wifebeater might look a little odd with the silky black, but obviously hard to judge from all the way over here.
I like your system, heebie. I've been trying to get myself to purge, and hadn't come up with a good system.
Also, I bought shoes on the internet again, but this time with no reason to believe they would fit me. They do not.
My experience is that vending machines on California college campuses have a variety of healthier things - like more than one kind of granola bar - while vending machines in federal government buildings have maybe one kind of granola bar and it's probably one of the blander flavors, possibly on the assumption that anyone not looking for a regular candy bar has no interest in taste in the first place.
430 is a nice system. All it needs is a few small mammals and it will be just about perfect.
I don't have any shirts right now that are 5's. I have been desperately seeking shirts for over a month now, and nothin'.
Combine this with my sexual-interest-rating system, and we've got trouble. If he's a 2, and my outfit is like a 4, does that make our likelihood of doing it on the first date 80%?
Oh! I have a brand-new short-sleeved black sweater I could wear with the skirt, and then wear these shoes instead. I'm a little concerned that they will clash too horribly with my hot-pink pedicure, but guys don't really notice stuff like that, do they?
You multiply his number times your outfit. If it's over five, you're in the sack, baby. If it's between 3 and 5, it's a push, and it goes to alcohol. 0 to 2 is no good.
I also like wheat thins but was recently surprised to find out that I like triscuits better.
434: If it has small mammals living in it, get rid of it. If it has pet fur all over it, keep it.
The otters sing from La Traviata: it's a 5, but tragically so.
Triscuits are magnificently salty and also nice and crisp with fat.
Oooh, I like the red shoes a lot. I meant to say so at your blog. How are they for walking? How are they for looking like Lucille Ball, because that's what they make me want to dress up like?
Yes! Backup on the CA vending machines. Thanks, eb. (How's the rodent problem, btw?)
AWB, does weather factor into the clothing options at all? Sometimes the easiest way to decide sweater vs. shirt* is how cool it's going to be.
*Don't listen to me; I have no credibility on this issue and can barely even picture the skirt described in 404.
I'm a little concerned that they will clash too horribly with my hot-pink pedicure, but guys don't really notice stuff like that, do they?
No, we don't. On the other hand, if this guy is as awesome as you say he is, maybe he will have good enough taste to notice. On the other hand, shouldn't he give you the benefit of the doubt on knowing what goes with what?
Oh, the unbelievably trivial dilemmas!
Then go with a frilly short sleeved thing that covers up your upper arms but shows off the neck. tshirt seems really casual unless its underea jacket or something.
I'll be content with some good making out, actually, especially if he's all "I have to go to work in the morning" and stuff. He claims to be really into kissing, and I am a remarkably good smoocher, so maybe we'll just be all coy and make-out-y and stuff, which is cool.
Oh, the unbelievably trivial dilemmas!
"Gosh," thought Ned. "I wish I had a posse. Who will help me with my clothes when I have a date?"
I agree with 449. It's like brown with black.
443: Just kitten heels, very comfortable soft leather!
444: I think short-sleeved sweater should be weather-appropriate. I have a jacket I could toss in my bag.
445: Yes, but the danger is, he has a degree in art, and we both know hot pink does not go with orangey-red. We might both be disappointed in me. Of course, if that is true, he is a dick.
Oh, the unbelievably trivial dilemmas!
No high-horsing about girl stuff in a thread about whether Triscuits are superior to Wheat Thins.
Hit on someone your own gender, Ben.
A. The spectrum of reds are nice together. Hot pink, red-orangey: it's all warm.
B. He claims to be really into kissing. On his myspace? Who claims to be really into kissing? Besides John Edwards.
we both know hot pink does not go with orangey-red.
If it were me, the second thing out of my mouth would be, "Wanna see something that clashes? Look at my toes! I dunno, I just wore them anyways."
The first thing out of heebie's mouth would be Labs' massive cock.
I would love to go on a date with curlers in my hair and a silk scarf covering them up.
458: This will undoubtedly occur.
457: On Nerve and in email. I am also into kissing and do so whenever possible.
(How's the rodent problem, btw?)
They seem to be gone. Last Monday the landlord had someone come in and set up (animal-friendly cage-style) traps in the crawl space next to my room and while he was looking around he noticed a couple of holes where the animals must have been getting in from the roof. I left the day the traps were set and was gone for a week and, as I understand it, no animals were ever caught, but the holes were closed up so it's likely that they were gone when the traps were set and never got back into the house. I haven't heard them the last couple of days, anyway.
Just repaint your toenails black, that goes with everything. You can fake it with electrical tape if you want it to be pink again for subsequent dates.
As for above the ankles, perfection is always within your grasp.
I would love to go on a date with curlers in my hair and a silk scarf covering them up.
I was on the trolley Saturday night and somewhat surprised to see a woman with curlers, sans scarf. Somehow I expect that on a Saturday morning, but at 6 p.m.? Odd.
463: Well, it's going to be really difficult to make yourself understood if you reverse the order.
It didn't take much to make this thread about wheat thins and triscuits, did it?
There are some triscuits on the counter, if you want any.
Heebie, you might want to bookmark this.
467: it's different when it's not homo jokes amongst yourselves. It looks really confrontational to see my name in there. But I get the jokeyness of it.
I'm holding out for quattroscotti.
It seems that "enormous" is canoner.
That's why they're gluey and disgusting on your tongue.
No, it's because they're basically soylent green, like most of that "meal replacement" crap people tote around in book bags.
Ben just thinks of you as one of the gays, heebie.
A cock like that, you don't eat all at once.
Hot pink and orangey red are great together. Free your minds, ladies.
they're basically soylent green
Power Bars are made out of people?
No, they're pretending to be meal replacements, as I clearly said.
477: I'm not sure these particular two do. I will spend some time thinking on it.
The other option is my white and black-polka-dotted stilletto maryjanes with bows on them.
With the same skirt as before?
482: Yup. The skirt stays. Other elements come and go.
478: thanks a lot, apo, not all of us had seen that movie.
The skirt sounds awesome. I think that's a sound decision.
The opening sequence of Soylent Green probably belongs in the environment thread.
484: And some of us still ate power bars.
Just as an observation, it appears that a thread about men's clothing problems has become a thread about women's clothing problems.
The dames are really taking over.
No, a thread about men's clothing problems has become a thread about women's clothing solutions. Now shut up and try this on.
Someone appears to have posted the whole movie on google video.
I'm not losing my pimp shit for some trendy gq lamo duds
re: 492
re: pimp shit
I was going through boxes the other day and found a 1970s skinny-fit leather jacket which looks like something from Serpico.
The I tried it on and reminded myself why I haven't worn it in 5 years ... the key word here being 'skinny'.
Nick, I'm going to have to check out those Sahale things. I'm always looking for stuff like that.
The one thing that I should mention is that, because they don't have as much sugar as energy bars they aren't as good if you need something to bring your bring your blood sugar up in a hurry (which I sometimes do). If you're worried about that you might carry a piece of fresh fruit to go with it.
Can any of you cognoscenti recommend The More Shallows? They are playing near here on Friday and I was wondering if I should check it out.
