"For guys," says Ned, 41, a magazine writer, "nothing kills it faster than seeing, hearing or even imagining anything involving women and excrement."
Probably somewhat true, but what a douchebag for saying it.
My mom has actually not pooped for weeks while on vacationBullshit. Unless she has an eating disorder.
This is one of those normal-courtesy-taken-to-bizarre-extremes situations, isn't it? I will point out another unpleasant extreme:
Mom does a lot of the child-rearing-->Little kids need a lot of bathroom help-->Ewww, Mom is always dealing with bodily functions; how gross and un-sexy.
I will take this opportunity to point out how fabulous my gf is:
She wipes my fifteen yr old (autistic) daughter's butt.
As far as I know, my gf does not poop. But, we've only been together for 3 1/2 yrs.
Lame article. It didn't even cover the old "fart on a rolled-up towel so it makes no sound" trick.
But Celia, Celia... Send up the AWB signal!
Honestly, if this is a problem for you, you have to deal with it, but people ought to be capable of this intimacy within a reasonable period. No, you need not be in the same room, LBJ style if you don't like, but if you're upset by the idea, then the problem is you.
My guess is that the claim quoted in 2 is more an exaggeration than a lie. "Weeks" could mean something like "over a week" and be credible.
The illustration is pretty great, don't you think?
To minimize the amount of wiping you need to do for your own ass, or someone else's, get one of these.
They're big in Japan. My house came with them and they're awesome.
#1: That guy has obviously never seen that video Apostropher linked to last week.
7- The illustration looks similar to a wall sized mural in the entance of the Boston institute of contemporary art.
This sort of article makes me think that there are a lot of people who don't understand some basic points of decent manners. If excrement doesn't bother you, no problem. If it does, you've got an affirmative responsiblity not to put a whole lot of energy into speculating what your significant other is doing when they disappear for ten minutes and reappear looking relieved. You simply aren't allowed to both be rudely nosy about what people are doing out of your sight and daintily offended by the possibility that what they're doing is crapping.
(I've just been explaining to my kids that you don't say "Excuse me" when you fart. If the context is that you're surrounded by other kids and you're all being little monsters, you point and laugh. If the context is that you're being polite, you ignore it -- no one wants additional attention drawn to the fact. There's no middle road.)
There was a point, probably about a year into our relationship, when I realized that my girlfriend farts more than any guy I've ever known.
This actually made it easier to move in with her. I'm less embarrassed about myself, and there's no need to blame any stray smells on 'the dog.'
That sounded incredibly prissy, didn't it.
You are a girl and said the word crappy. That is not prissy. It is fricking disgusting. You offend me.
13: Naah, it didn't. I agree, but many people have been raised to expect apologies.
"Girls can actually make it seem sexy. They're seated, it's quiet, and there's the whole dangling-panties thing."
If a guy pooped in front of me, I would dump him.
Is wit dead? This should obviously read, "Take a dump in front of me, get dumped by me."
will--you really are lucky. Have you considered installing a bidet?
BG:
No. My daughter is really funny about it all. If there is a small piece of toilet paper in the toilet, she has to flush it before sitting down.
She goes to the toilet and sits down appropriately, but she just doesn't wipe. We are working on it without much success. I'll get gross for a second. She isnt afraid to stick her bare hands down there and feel around. But, wiping her butt with toilet paper? Out of the question.
This thread seems tame after the incestuous analingus one last night.
Apo, hon, why must you race us to the bottom?
Last week my girlfriend came into the bathroom while I was in the shower. She sat down on the toilet, started taking a pee, then realised she had to take a dump and couldn't wait. By the time I understood what was going on, it was too late to leap out of the shower and run past her to safety.
But she's pregnant, so she can get away with that sort of thing.
Reuben:
Of course, you held your hands over your ears and started loudly saying "My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! "
It looks like there's more than poop making people nervous.
The thing to do is work/volunteer in a hospital for a while. IMX doing some intensive nursing care will get y'all over lots of minor hang-ups very quickly.
Every single person quoted in that article must be killed for the good of humanity. Gaijin, I assume you know some robot army available for the purpose?
Unfogged would never be subjected to an overshare.
The thing to do is work/volunteer in a hospital for a while. IMX doing some intensive nursing care will get y'all over lots of minor hang-ups very quickly
Just get a dog.
#27: How about these robots?
Also, I thought the link in #8 would generate more commentage. It's a really funny flash site advertising robot toilets.
They're planning to put a billboard of the smileyface asses up in Columbus Circle, and the local news keeps on with very dull stories of how shocked everyone is.
On a broader issue, am I just being naive about how fraught issues of good manners are always, or is present-day America in an uncomfortable state of flux? I mean, the originally linked article is possible because talking about shit is no longer taboo, to the point that an article about it in a mainstream publication isn't odd, but the subject matter of the article is how much people are bothered by having to think about other people shitting. And you know, taboo is workable, not taboo is workable, but half-taboo is annoying. Same with the other article about oversharing. If there's nothing odd (other than vocabulary choice) about 'taking a live in lover', that's not oversharing. If it really were odd anymore, people wouldn't talk about it. But the inbetween position is bothersome.
Young, attractive women really do fart roses and unicorns. At least, it doesn't bug me at all when such a woman lets one go. I find it cute. For older, saggier, etc. the natural repulsion exists.
This is either due to evolutionary psychology or early socialization regarding cute girls farting, not sure which.
I read about it in my morning newspaper. Yes I did, you sniggering bastards.
32 is really at the heart of how we view all serious issues.
The link at 33 is just about the saddest thing I've seen in a while.
I agree with LB. I don't want my intimate relationships to be a constant cataclysm of exciting intimacies, both good and bad. I want a certain decorum to persist even behind closed doors.
35: Sad, but also strangely hilarious.
6:Nobody responded to 6 so I am gonna have to my own damn googling. Marvell? Donne? Swift? Not Swift. It was my primary thought as I read the article.
Also remembered Depp in The Libertine. I researched that writer, and have forgotten everything in weeks. Damn.
You wonder if it helps or hurts that not only is everyone on the site an IBS sufferer, but is so embarrassed by it that they want to date only other sufferers. That seems like a really specific personality type.
38: No, it's Swift. The Lady's Dressing Room.
Strephon! THAT'S PK's real name! Of course!
you don't say "Excuse me" when you fart.
Good little boys and girls say: "there's more where that came from."
36: It's more that I don't care what counts as decorum, I just want it to be consistent. If writing a magazine article about shitting isn't indecorous, then anyone bitching about having to be aware that their loved ones shit is an idiot. If people being insufficiently discreet about shitting is a problem, then the article is itself a ghastly offense against decorum.
I don't really follow this, LB. It's an American tradition to blab in the papers about that which we cannot do or say in our private lives. The latest incarnation may be Paris Hilton, but she's not a new phenomenon.
A girlfriend was considering moving in with one of my guy friends who was looking for a roommate. I gently offered that said friend was one of the louder and smellier creatures I'd ever met, and she replied with someone like, "Well, if it's Lord Byron himself who says so . . . "
If we weren't allowed to declare it publicly, we wouldn't be such prudes.
39: Definitely a particular personality type. I have a rather touchy GI system, and have found everyone I've dated to be extremely accommodating (even when I've, e.g., disappeared for a period of time on a rather early date). The Time Out article is so very far off from the attitudes I've experienced, I could hardly believe it was describing actual humans.
I could hardly believe it was describing actual humans
I thought it was describing New Yorkers.
45: Are you talking about condemning wrongdoing, or discussing not-wrong-things-that-we-still-don't-talk-about-publicly? That's two really different categories, right?
Prurient journalism about "OMG, whoever that senator was was found frolicking in the reflecting pool on the Mall with a stripper," is one thing, and it is an American tradition, but the idea behind it is that frolicking with strippers is wrong. Shitting isn't wrong, it's just indecorous to discuss publicly (or not, depending on where you come down on the issue).
If writing a magazine article about shitting isn't indecorous, then anyone bitching about having to be aware that their loved ones shit is an idiot
I cannot work out how consistency comes into this. What's inconsistent about, for example, writing about taboos--say, incestuous analingus--while maintaining the taboo?
51: Because the taboo isn't against committing the act of shitting. Anyone trying to observe a taboo like that would run into real biological problems, very quickly. The taboo is against making people unnecessarily aware of your, or other people's, shitting, and the article is doing that directly -- if there's any value to the taboo, the article violates it, and if there isn't, there's no point.
The Poop Report ...the host is pushing his book Poop Culture
32: On the veldt predators can't track poopless and scentless people as easily. This is especially important if those people pregnant. That's why we've evolved so that only a very small percentage of women actually do poop or fart during their lifetimes. For sure, they *never* did during the 1950s.
After the singularity, no one will have to take a shit.
I may be conflating several different things here, but I think my point is that it's not inconsistent for prudes to talk about their particular taboos publicly, either in purely conceptual terms, or with a single public scapegoat in mind. They can't function as prudes without doing so. This may point to a contradiction deep within the heart of prudery, but we can't avoid that if we want to remain a nation of prudes. Which we do.
Apache Tomcat errors are so crass.
I see that LB is taking the Martian line on this. The taboo is against drawing attention to bodily functions in concrete circumstances involving real people, not against talking about it at all.
The people in the article aren't real people? Or is it just that the people quoted are committing an offense against any of their friends and family who read the article, but because we don't know them, we're not in the spectrum of people entitled to find it indecorous?
I cannot work out how consistency comes into this.
Consistency is an important consideration when evaluating stools.
52/59: I don't find it irrational that taboos can be much less active when you're just reading words on paper, as opposed to trying to navigate the subject with a friend or SO in person. It's not so much that it makes people uncomfortable per se, but rather than it makes them uncomfortable around other people.
Not that I see any sense in this particular taboo, of course.
. The taboo is against making people unnecessarily aware of your, or other people's, shitting, and the article is doing that directly -- if there's any value to the taboo, the article violates it, and if there isn't, there's no point.
It would seem that you're arguing against an articulation of what is TMI.
We must elevate the discourse, and not re-invent the wheel. Stand on the shoulders of giants. Other cliches.
Here be references to Levi-Strauss, Bakhtin, Julia Kristeva, Joyce Swift Rabelais.
What kind of thread is this anyway? Lacks both theory and dirty jokes.
In the glorious future, we will all gather in open-air shittatoriums to gossip and discuss the news of the day. After which, the barbarian hordes.
I was confused as to whether the people in the article were upset by the thought of their lover pooping in the same room as them (sort of indecorous) or pooping at all (your shit stinks, too.) Because most of it sounded like 'I draw the line at shitting together', but then there's the vacation lady. She couldn't close the door all week?
Or do rich people's bathrooms not have doors?
O, to be among the Solons of the salons of colons!
I'm arguing against simultaneously dwelling on it and insisting that it is TMI. If it's really that unpleasant to hear about, don't clutter up your magazine with it. If it's not too unpleasant to clutter up your magazine with it, then stop whining about other people talking about it.
Real, functional prudery is Queen Victoria responding to someone who'd just apologized to her when his horse farted: "If you hadn't apologized, I would have assumed it was the horse." Rambling on about how disgusting it is, when people talk about shit, because shit is so disgusting, and you really don't need to know about it when other people take shits, and they insist on not sufficiently hiding the fact from you, which is really disgusting, because you don't like having to think about other people shitting, isn't functional prudery, it's just stupid. If you don't want to think about shit, don't.
I can second 26. I worked as a domestic in a mental hospital. My job sometimes involved cleaning shit off walls.
That said, some people DO overshare with information about their defecatory habits.
I'm arguing against simultaneously dwelling on it and insisting that it is TMI. If it's really that unpleasant to hear about, don't clutter up your magazine with it. If it's not too unpleasant to clutter up your magazine with it, then stop whining about other people talking about it.
And I'm (we're?) saying that things can be differently unpleasant in different contexts. There's no Global Ick Index.
re: 65
Or do rich people's bathrooms not have doors?
I know a family whose house has NO doors. They say they are getting round to fitting them (the house has been decorated in the past year or so), but, frankly, it's a bit weird.
I neglected to mention that my daughter demands privacy for herself until she is ready to be wiped. But, the second you try to sit down, she is pushing on your back for you to stand up. Try pooping with someone pushing your back, saying "UP!!!! UP!!!!!!"
The more I think about it the more I realize that my gf is a saint.
I believe that I have achieved meta-prudery on this issue.
Really, people who are insufficiently discreet (from my point of view) about their bodily functions or sex lives bother me some, but not all that much. This sort of focus on their bad behavior bothers me a whole lot more.
Really, people who are insufficiently discreet (from my point of view) about their bodily functions or sex lives bother me some, but not all that much. This sort of focus on their bad behavior bothers me a whole lot more.
I suspect that the norm is exactly opposite.
Lizardbreath is absolutely right. Ban shit from the public sphere! It's less gross to read about it than to experience it in person, but it's still gross.
The very term TMI implies there is a GII, by locating the problem in the information independent of medium.
which post is this one, and which is the one entitled "Chamber of Secrets"?
And that's because I'm right and everyone else is wrong.
Seriously, this taboo isn't that strong anymore. People make shit-related jokes in mainstream entertainment, lots of otherwise civilized people talk about shit all the time. A taboo that says that giggling about shit publicly is A-Ok, but actually having to shit without sufficiently concealing the fact is offensive, makes no sense at all. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still in the 'keep the door closed' camp, but worrying about it beyond that seems really goofy. And the 'keep the door closed' thing can be negotiated within individual relationships without having to get magazine writers involved.)
The problem seems to be that LB isn't a prude at all.
This is serious shit we are dealing with here.
One of the formative works of my education was a structuralist comparison of Joyce and Pound.
Joyce was formally cloacal ( I prefer cloacal to scatological, to include other excretions, especially female, and to include the public manifestations) while Pound was formally priapic, and this also showed the respective socialist and fascist tendencies. Feminist vs sexist. Indian vs Japanese inflences. Syndicalism vs vanguardism. High culture vs pop culture. Everything good (Joyce) vs everything bad (Pound).
"Bakhtin sees Rabelais's celebration of the "grotesque body" as rooted in the medieval forms of folk humor traditionally associated with the rituals of European carnival. According to Bakhtin, the parody, ribaldry, and comic spectacle inherent to carnival emphasized a "deeply positive" view of the body, 10 in which the body's numerous orifices, swellings, and secretions symbolized a principle of gleeful superabundance opposed to all that was official and hierarchical. Bakhtin argues that although carnival as folk ritual disappeared in Europe starting in the 17th century, its spirit of subversive festivity persisted in textual form via the imagery of the grotesque body, which Bakhtin calls "grotesque realism". 11 Within both actual and literary carnival, then, the subversive power of the grotesque stems from its ability to degrade what is "high", to draw it down to the level of the earth and the "material lower bodily strata" of reproductive and excretory functioning ..." ...Cortez, from article cited in 63
Anal-retentiveness, following the rules, structures, laws, proper procedures, and the desire to avoid the "messiness" of direct democracy or street politics...this is the problem with liberals.
Only shittiness can save America.
78: There's nothing wrong with coprophilia. It's not my bag, but to each her own.
It wasnt that long ago that piss was a bad word.
I will note that this is the third thread in a row that has either begun with or veered into a discussion of feces and/or defecation. Are shitting threads the new food threads? Makes sense. Clearly the taboo against talking about this is less than absolute at unfogged.
Those people in the article seem awfully prissy. It is polite to avoid getting all up in someone's face with your dump, but it is also polite to avoid getting all up in someone's face (or all not up in their genitals) just because you live in an apartment with thin goddamn walls. I ain't runnin' to no lobby for nobody.
In other news, it is certainly possible to have TMI about pooping on the internet (vaguely SFW, but, like, don't. Really)
80: yes, you'd want to avoid sharing bags. Risk of infection, doncha know.
From an Atkins sufferer, an insight. A high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet can induce an amazing constipation. What can be usefully absorbed, will stick around until it is absorbed. I might go a week or two, and then deliver, with strenuous stomach tension, two quarter-sized rocks.
What has this to do with contemporary culture, especially sexism? All those anorexics avoiding the breads and pasta. Is it the padding they are avoiding, or the shitting?
And I must think about those men so proud of delivering perfect, firm, 6 inch cylinders.
LB doesn't like stool pigeons.
84: One of the many signs Atkins isn't such a bright idea.
Bob, man, eat some vegatables.
Are shitting threads the new food threads? Makes sense.
It would make more sense if shitting threads are the old food threads.
82: This blog is becoming revolutionary, of course.
It is noon, must walk the dogs, who understand excretion as an aggressive political act.
88: unfogged: pre-digested for your convenience.
What kind of thread is this anyway? Lacks both theory and dirty jokes.
Ahem. Bush, Gordon Brown, Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel are attending a summit meeting. Merkel has a terrible case of gas, and she fails to suppress a loud fart. Brown chivalrously pipes up and says, "Pardon me, I couldn't help it." Bush thinks to himself, "Damn, these Brits sure are suave. Wish I had thought of that."
A few minutes later, Merkel lets another one rip. Sarkozy chimes in, "Pardonez-moi." Bush thinks to himself, "Damn it, I let that little Frenchman show me up. Not gonna let that happen again."
A few minutes later, Merkel farts again. Bush puffs out his chest and says, "Angela, I'm going to take full responsibility for that fart and all of your farts for the rest of the day."
Not completely offtopic, so I seek the wisdon of the Mineshaft with an etiguette conundrum. Does one return borrowed underpants?
Context: Taking four year old son ("imaginativekid") for a bicycle ride. Several blocks from home, we pass by his friend's house, and his friend and others are in the pool. He's invited in, but since we didn't plan on this,has no bathing suit, so jumps in in his underpants. Parents hang out, and a good time is had by all. When it's time to go he's reluctant to put his shorts over soaking underpants. HostessMom produces clean underpants, which she says have never been worn.
So--do we
(a) clean (iron?) and return
(b) keep the borrowed pair, and buy a new pair to give to hostessmom in original wrapping
(c) add underpants to imaginativeson's rotation, and forget the whole incident
I vote for (b). Bonus points if the new ones are wildly inappropriate.
Wash and return, or at least that's what I do in similar circumstances, UGWCTOAWC.
Since hostess said "Have never been worn." I say buy a new pair.
Without that comment, wash and return.
82: Are shitting threads the new food threads?
Shitting threads are the former food threads.
Did a post about Catherine and Armsmasher just disappear?
It contained embargoed hotness contest spoilers, apparently.
Yep. It was apparently embargoed until tomorrow. (No one should be waiting with bated breath for its return -- not earthshattering news about anything at all.)
102: Okay, I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't convinced mysekf taht something was tehre that wasn't.
This hotness contest?
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlDC/hottest_media_types/2007_hottest_media_types_finalists_male_off_air_63532.asp#more
Voting doesn't start until tomorrow, so we wanted to give them the biggest possible boost by posting on the day it starts.
My friend, Jill, and I were once chatting about people who freak out about their kids' toilet training progress (or lack thereof). Jill said something about how they should take it easy on the kid bc shitting is stressful, even for adults. I meant to get back to her about that. Unless I've been sick, shitting isn't stressful. Do people stress about shitting?
If anybody spills which one of them defeats Voldemort I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey, everybody write in Angela Valdez in the hotness contest. Don't vote for the Ivy twerps.
Hm. That was just guys, and Sausagely wasn't there.
Vandehei is creepy looking.
Gods, if Bridget Garwood wins on the strength of that picture, kill me now.
107: I used to have a job grading little kids' psych evals, and, from what I can tell, every single kid on earth who has any emotional disorders of any kind gets impacted bowels. The psychs would have kids draw pictures of impacted bowels as a way of getting them to think relaxed thoughts about poop, so all of their offices, and the halls, were wallpapered with drawings of impacted bowels.
Pretty easy to spot the token over-30 people on those "hot" lists.
Gods, if Bridget Garwood wins on the strength of that picture, kill me now.
Heh heh. I haven't the faintest idea who Bridget Garwood is, but during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on, she was the one I made growly noises about.
Growly like your stomach is empty and Bridget looks snack sized?
I used to have a job grading little kids' psych evals
"This is the worst psych eval I've ever seen. F."
I haven't the faintest idea who Bridget Garwood is, but during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on, she was the one I made growly noises about.
Wha? That picture makes her look like a Grey, whoever she is.
The psychs would have kids draw pictures of impacted bowels
What? They said to a six year old 'Draw and impacted bowel' or something?
That picture makes her look like a Grey
I'd let her give me an anal probe.
120: Yeah. They showed them examples and described it to them so they'd envision the process. It apparently works in a meditative way.
114: That ridiculous makeup! That vacuous, million mile stare! Oy vey!
IMHO, she looks better here (from an indy film she did), but my money's on Ms. "Cute, nice, nerdy about the internet, which is hot too."
Then again, Ms. Garwood has her own listing on imbd.com, so...
It's not a question of lacking doors or being a prude--a lot of people have trouble shitting in unfamiliar places or where they think someone can overhear (like a hotel room), just because that's the body's response to lack of familiarity or lack of privacy.
Also, I've taught PK to say "excuse me" when he farts. I dunno, something about the momentary embarrassed silence of *not* saying anything that I just hate.
I appreciated the variety included in those hot lists.
Psst, LB, check your hotmail.
Stephanie Gans' vote total is going to be 15-20% higher than it otherwise would be due to the dress she's wearing.
127: Can't at work, but I will tonight.
Tons of good that post retraction has done, I see.
132: Behold the power of rss readers...
I really want to put some sunblock on Kelly Torrance. Not in a pervy way--I'm just sure she needs to reapply.
None of those women poop, you know. Except Catherine.
135 IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS
135: That's why she's got my vote!
Catherine has posted about poop on her old blog, you know. Pooping while training.
That part came to her naturally. It was pooping while running that was difficult, IIRC.
Oddly enough, the female print journalist nominees seem to be, on average, more attractive than the broadcast journalists.
For my money, NPR's M/ary L/ouise K/elly is at least as hot as any of the television correspondents in the competition.
Al Jazeera has a correspondent in DC? That must be an awkward job.
The female TV journalists all look identically hot in an identical way. For the female print journalists I would say there's maybe a 15-way tie for first.
That is to say, we need more than one randomly-chosen picture of each in order to mark an educated ballot.
The broadcast journalists are a lot blander, less sexy, more corporate-looking. Yet more proof that people who aren't on TV are a lot sexier than people who are.
I got into a conversation at a party last week about how Jean-Paul Belmondo is ridiculously hot because of his super-broken nose. And there are a few broken-nosed male types on TV, but with women, you get no variety.
during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on
Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.
Al Jazeera has a correspondent in DC? That must be an awkward job.
They have a whole bureau there. Arabs want to know about US government happenings.
None of these women poop. Except Catherine. Attempt no landings there. Use them together. Use them for peace.
Great idea, AWB. I'm going to break Ezra Klein's nose. Give him a boost, you know.
This talk about shit has been fascinating, but it's time to go bake a berry crisp.
Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.
Well, it was just Ogged and Becks, explaining to me why there wasn't supposed to be a post on the topic until tomorrow.
ZOMG TEH SANCTITY OF OFF-BLOGG COMMUNICATIONZ!
This talk about shit has been fascinating, but it's time to go bake a berry crisp.
Let us know how it comes out. Er, let me rephrase that...
ZOMG TEH SANCTITY OF OFF-BLOGG COMMUNICATIONZ!
I don't think you get to make that joke if you have an indiscretion error named after you.
"the indiscretion error," I think.
Will it be hot and steamy?
No. The recipe calls for it to be bubbling and golden brown.
149 is the kind of comment that makes Unfogged what it is.
159: Insular and emotionally crippling?
what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?
We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.
161: Every day, text. Every day. Vote for me!
Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.
Welcome to our world here on the outside, bitch.
No. The recipe calls for it to be bubbling and golden brown.
Yeah, a baby's first berry crisp is often like that.
152: Why? I've seen blog posts featuring this contest on other blogs today.
We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.
And you bitches missed your chance to meet her. YOU LOSE.
("Bitches" being gender-inclusive, of course.)
what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?
It's had to be rescheduled, because the cock photos got deleted.
Certain parties wanted to wait until the voting began. The horse is kinda out of the barn already, though.
I'm voting for Armsmasher, because he's the only one who's given me any action.
We had it in private among the ladies.
Because the men were all busy pooping? Well, so long as the requisite formalities were observed.
Apparently the hope was to incite people to vote for Team Unfogged in the hott journalists contest, and voting isn't open until tomorrow. If the post had gone up today, people would be bored by tomorrow and forget to vote.
(Um, Kriston, would it be wrong to vote for Ezra because he's the only person competing who links to my posts? Not that you aren't fetching as all get out yourself.)
171:
If the post had gone up today, people would be bored by tomorrow and forget to vote.
Sigh. I weep for the future.
149: None of these women poop. Except Catherine. Attempt no landings there. Use them together. Use them for peace.
Nice reference to 2010: Odyssey Number Two.
would it be wrong to vote for Ezra
YES. He's, like, fifteen years old, you perv.
Because you guys screwed up and mentioned it today, I've already forgotten to vote tomorrow.
174: Is it too soon to start perving on Ezra?
Armsmasher, what's up with the hat?
You really don't like the hat, do you?
I will vote for 'smasher despite having woken up today from an incredibly irritating dream in which he forced me to go see Transformers five times in a row. We have never spoken about the film.
This is the first time I've mentioned it. It just doesn't seem to work with the beard or shirt.
106: Voting doesn't start until tomorrow, so we wanted to give them the biggest possible boost by posting on the day it starts.
A good idea, but, before voting starts, the text accompanying Capps's picture should be improved:
"he's not bearded anymore but i don't know anyone else who can pull that look off without looking like a total douche. he wears it well. plus you guys never feature hipster types so you should pick him!"That sounds like "He's not so bad" or "Be nice to alt. types." Who votes for that? I recommend "Serial Killer is the new Black, and Capps is leading the way," or "There's nothing hotter than Grizzly Adams talking about avant guard art," or even "Has absolutely fucked the shit out of bears."
I didn't say I wanted to watch the movie, AWB.
Has absolutely fucked the shit out of bears.
Might make me fans with a certain demographic.
183: Micro-targeting is where the action is today, 'Smasher.
Getting back to the linked article, I knew the accompanying illustration reminded me of something.
183: Your preference for koalas has been noted.
162:We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.
I think I'm the only person who showed up to the competition. But I gave it my all.
Oh, it's the text-based internet, and we're all words on a page. Can't we all be magically beautiful sparkly unicorns who fart fresh-baked cookies?
Or, in Apo's case, pigs that crap pot?
That's the spirit, heebie-geebie!
in Apo's case, pigs that crap pot
Apo is actually multiple pot-crapping pigs?
Oh, it's the text-based internet, and we're all words on a page.
Note that the beauty contest we're discussing is for the text-based media and all the contestants are words on a page.
At the Exploratorium they have a water fountain made out of a toilet, so you really have to get your head into the bowl to drink out of it.
Apo is actually multiple pot-crapping pigs?
Multiple balding, 47-year-old, pot-crapping pigs. In my mother's basement.
Apo has two snouts and twenty toes.
That motherfucker has, like, thirty goddamned snouts.
Apo is friends with a spider who spins all his comments in her web before he types them.
193 makes me feel *even worse* about not making the drive.
199: If it's any consolation, we only discovered the entertaining stuff like the toilet-bowl fountain after suffering through a corporate-sponsored exhibit on the second floor... which prompted Jammies to christen the museum "the Bore-atorium".
199 - Aw, it's okay. We'll figure out some way for you to redeem yourself. In the meantime it'll be like you're my indentured gofer who labors from love and regret. Win-win.
no regrets, B. You have a bathroom; you can recreate the experience.
what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?
I prefer to think of all of you as ugly with bad accents.
A big, cuddly talking cat. Who wears street clothes. (You may have seen him in the video for Opposites Attract.)
B, you shouldn't feel bad for not making it, other than in a "damn, I missed all the fun" way. The slackers who are actually local, on the other hand...
204: Dream on.
There's some connection to be made between that comment and this one, but I'm too tired to make it.
I realize that the conversation has moved on, but I just want to say that the prospect of shitting at work (where there are multi-stall bathrooms, naturally) distresses me. Someone might come in! And there you will be! Not peeing! And they will KNOW.
I hate automatic flush toilets at airport that flush, and flush, and flush, while you're trying to change a goddamn tampon. QUIT FLUSHING. QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT.
212 gets it exactly right. Also the way the fucking things flush when your little kid leans forward so you can wipe his ass, and TOTALLY FREAK HIM OUT AND HE STARTS CRYING.
That hasn't happened in a couple years, though. But still.
NAnAANANAAAANANNA Why are we talking about tampons?!??!?!?!?
Can't you just do that in private>?!??!?! We don't need to know.
I didn't say anything gross about the tampons. I just said that the act of dealing with them exists. But don't tempt me!
212 has NEVER happened to me. Are you sure you're doing it right?
212 is like the shortest Nicholson Baker novel ever.
217: You put them where the pot comes out. Right? Right?
Please don't think I'm leaving the thread out of distaste for potty humor. I'd like everyone to know how much I enjoy potty humor. But I'm running late and really have to leave this moment.
Interesting. I thought people mostly got over that sort of hangups.
Tampons should never be mentioned in mixed gender company. We don't need to know.
All my boyfriends have pretended to be really, like, "Hey, you can pee/shit/change tampons while I'm shaving! I'm cool with that!" Okay, maybe they're being honest and I'm the one who's creeped out, but it's always felt like an intimacy challenge. Who will win today's "Who's Totally Cool With Their Partner's Body, Dammit?" Challenge?
pigs that crap pot
Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. </obligatory Simpsons reference>
I am okay with peeing in someone else's presence, but the rest of it, you know, honestly. A little privacy, please.
it's always felt like an intimacy challenge
Give no quarter, AWB! Don't even tell them your damn name until a few weeks have gone by.
Privacy is nice when you can get it, but if nothing else it's tough to pull off with small children around.
Seriously.
After you have witnessed childbirth, spent any time with children, or lived with a person of the opposite sex, how can you still be grossed out by these things?
Do other people not get handed large boogies by their kids? Have you not wiped your kid's butt? Heard them poop loudly?
227: Well of course. Small children aren't an issue. I mean, they *want* you in there to wipe their butts for them. With your tongue.
Are my kids the only ones who only want to talk with you when you are trying to poop?
Tampons should never be mentioned in mixed gender company. We don't need to know.
Tampon-talk is fine. Just please specify the fucking brand and--for lack of a better term--model number. Thank you.
What I meant was that trying to maintain barriers as anything much more than a mild preference gets to be way too much work, and once the barriers go down there's little point in trying to rebuild them.
I was washing my hands post-pee during a friend's wedding reception when the wife of another guest (a local elected official) came into the bathroom, dropped trou, parked her butt on the toilet next to the sink and introduced herself. Shaking hands and everything. That's the kind of friendly, casual place Portland is.
i don't really mind shitting with another person in the room. in college our suite took the door off our bathroom because it got in the way. but farting/burping/grime under the fingernails/etc are just not cool, no matter who does it.
228: It's not so much the actual defecation, it's the lack of tact.
While we're on this topic, can I just say that someone needs to write an article unequivocally condemning people who take more than five minutes to shit? Ten at the absolute outside. If it ain't happening, get up and go back later, your body will learn to obey. Hogging and stinking up the bathroom for half a fucking hour at a time ought to be grounds for exile.
234:
What is the etiquette in Portland? Does a gentleman offer to wipe?
we did make fun a lot of our roomate who had giarrdia and had to shit like 10x a day for a couple weeks.
OTOH, I find 234 charming.
And no, Will, your kids aren't the only ones who want to talk while they or you are taking a shit. I console myself with hoping that the up side of this is that he knows something about menstruation and won't be all hung up about it later in life.
If he's likely to develop crazy fetishes or inhibitions instead, please don't tell me.
BitchPhD:
How can I talk trash about that? I let my son play with a speculum when he was a kid.
That's the kind of friendly, casual place Portland is. That's what we tell the Californians to keep them from moving here.
237: That, I think, would be crossing the line. It occurs to me that the story wouldn't be quite so charming if she'd taken a dump.
Will's 222 is difficult to reconcile with his 228.
"taken a dump" just sounds wrong. You leave it. You make it. But, you certainly don't take it.
Unless you are walking your dog.
The poop and other excretions of small children are harmless, innocent, and cute. After puberty and the onset of the hairy butt, poop, etc., become horrible and fraught with sinister powers.
And yet sexy -- to some of us.
Teo, Teo, Teo:
Why not? They compliment each other.
"taken a dump" just sounds wrong.
Sorry, I meant to write 'pinched a loaf.' My apologies.
Someone manages to slyly mention an evil Unfogged regular in Sausagely's beauty-contest thread.
244: which english 'verbal preposition' or whatev they are called ever makes sense
The poop and other excretions of small children are harmless, innocent, and cute.
Uh huh.
The poop and other excretions of other peoples small children are harmless, innocent, and cute.
Better, B?
When I visit a friend with small children, I always ask to see their cute little poopies. It's just the polite thing to do.
253: Are you saying you want me to mail some of PK's poop to you?
Jeez, B, that would be like sending me wilted flowers. It has to be fresh. The proud kid has to be there with big smile on his face.
Sometimes I suspect that you weren't properly brought up.
It's been a rough day to read the blog while eating, that's for sure.
I wasn't offering the poop to *you* Emerson. I suspect your motives.
no, no, no B. It's only cute around other people, too. Preferably when I'm far enough away not to know.
255: Soub is also tactfully not stating the preference for the poop of other peoples: Zulus, Persians, Mexicans and the like. No doubt in an attempt to spare your feelings.
I feel somehow disgusted by poop. My parents should have made the catbox one of my chores. But no, it was just vacuum the carpets, take out the trash, sweep the deck, mow the lawn, do the dishes.
I'm in the middle of eating a sandwich, and I thought, "hey, I wonder what they're talking about on Unfogged."
They will look back on this thread as the day Unfogged jumped the shark.
Ok, so maybe it is just another regular day.
215, 216: you should always carry a few if you are moving around wild country; teased apart, they make excellent kindling.
