Re: Starting The Week Off Classy

1
"For guys," says Ned, 41, a magazine writer, "nothing kills it faster than seeing, hearing or even imagining anything involving women and excrement."

Probably somewhat true, but what a douchebag for saying it.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:08 AM
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My mom has actually not pooped for weeks while on vacation
Bullshit. Unless she has an eating disorder.
Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:11 AM
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This is one of those normal-courtesy-taken-to-bizarre-extremes situations, isn't it? I will point out another unpleasant extreme:

Mom does a lot of the child-rearing-->Little kids need a lot of bathroom help-->Ewww, Mom is always dealing with bodily functions; how gross and un-sexy.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:14 AM
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I will take this opportunity to point out how fabulous my gf is:

She wipes my fifteen yr old (autistic) daughter's butt.

As far as I know, my gf does not poop. But, we've only been together for 3 1/2 yrs.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:17 AM
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Lame article. It didn't even cover the old "fart on a rolled-up towel so it makes no sound" trick.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:18 AM
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But Celia, Celia... Send up the AWB signal!

Honestly, if this is a problem for you, you have to deal with it, but people ought to be capable of this intimacy within a reasonable period. No, you need not be in the same room, LBJ style if you don't like, but if you're upset by the idea, then the problem is you.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:19 AM
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My guess is that the claim quoted in 2 is more an exaggeration than a lie. "Weeks" could mean something like "over a week" and be credible.

The illustration is pretty great, don't you think?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:21 AM
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To minimize the amount of wiping you need to do for your own ass, or someone else's, get one of these.

They're big in Japan. My house came with them and they're awesome.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:21 AM
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#1: That guy has obviously never seen that video Apostropher linked to last week.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:23 AM
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7- The illustration looks similar to a wall sized mural in the entance of the Boston institute of contemporary art.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:30 AM
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This sort of article makes me think that there are a lot of people who don't understand some basic points of decent manners. If excrement doesn't bother you, no problem. If it does, you've got an affirmative responsiblity not to put a whole lot of energy into speculating what your significant other is doing when they disappear for ten minutes and reappear looking relieved. You simply aren't allowed to both be rudely nosy about what people are doing out of your sight and daintily offended by the possibility that what they're doing is crapping.

(I've just been explaining to my kids that you don't say "Excuse me" when you fart. If the context is that you're surrounded by other kids and you're all being little monsters, you point and laugh. If the context is that you're being polite, you ignore it -- no one wants additional attention drawn to the fact. There's no middle road.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:45 AM
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There was a point, probably about a year into our relationship, when I realized that my girlfriend farts more than any guy I've ever known.

This actually made it easier to move in with her. I'm less embarrassed about myself, and there's no need to blame any stray smells on 'the dog.'


Posted by: William H. Taft | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:45 AM
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That sounded incredibly prissy, didn't it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:45 AM
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You are a girl and said the word crappy. That is not prissy. It is fricking disgusting. You offend me.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:47 AM
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13: Naah, it didn't. I agree, but many people have been raised to expect apologies.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:47 AM
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"Girls can actually make it seem sexy. They're seated, it's quiet, and there's the whole dangling-panties thing."

Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:48 AM
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If a guy pooped in front of me, I would dump him.

Is wit dead? This should obviously read, "Take a dump in front of me, get dumped by me."


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:50 AM
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will--you really are lucky. Have you considered installing a bidet?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:51 AM
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Dumpers get dumped!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:55 AM
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BG:
No. My daughter is really funny about it all. If there is a small piece of toilet paper in the toilet, she has to flush it before sitting down.

She goes to the toilet and sits down appropriately, but she just doesn't wipe. We are working on it without much success. I'll get gross for a second. She isnt afraid to stick her bare hands down there and feel around. But, wiping her butt with toilet paper? Out of the question.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:57 AM
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This thread seems tame after the incestuous analingus one last night.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 8:58 AM
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Apo, hon, why must you race us to the bottom?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:00 AM
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21- one


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:00 AM
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Last week my girlfriend came into the bathroom while I was in the shower. She sat down on the toilet, started taking a pee, then realised she had to take a dump and couldn't wait. By the time I understood what was going on, it was too late to leap out of the shower and run past her to safety.

But she's pregnant, so she can get away with that sort of thing.


Posted by: reuben | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:06 AM
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Reuben:

Of course, you held your hands over your ears and started loudly saying "My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! My Gf is pooping but I am not listening! "


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:08 AM
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It looks like there's more than poop making people nervous.

The thing to do is work/volunteer in a hospital for a while. IMX doing some intensive nursing care will get y'all over lots of minor hang-ups very quickly.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:08 AM
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Every single person quoted in that article must be killed for the good of humanity. Gaijin, I assume you know some robot army available for the purpose?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:08 AM
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Unfogged would never be subjected to an overshare.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:10 AM
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The thing to do is work/volunteer in a hospital for a while. IMX doing some intensive nursing care will get y'all over lots of minor hang-ups very quickly

Just get a dog.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:16 AM
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#27: How about these robots?

Also, I thought the link in #8 would generate more commentage. It's a really funny flash site advertising robot toilets.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:19 AM
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They're planning to put a billboard of the smileyface asses up in Columbus Circle, and the local news keeps on with very dull stories of how shocked everyone is.

On a broader issue, am I just being naive about how fraught issues of good manners are always, or is present-day America in an uncomfortable state of flux? I mean, the originally linked article is possible because talking about shit is no longer taboo, to the point that an article about it in a mainstream publication isn't odd, but the subject matter of the article is how much people are bothered by having to think about other people shitting. And you know, taboo is workable, not taboo is workable, but half-taboo is annoying. Same with the other article about oversharing. If there's nothing odd (other than vocabulary choice) about 'taking a live in lover', that's not oversharing. If it really were odd anymore, people wouldn't talk about it. But the inbetween position is bothersome.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:31 AM
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Young, attractive women really do fart roses and unicorns. At least, it doesn't bug me at all when such a woman lets one go. I find it cute. For older, saggier, etc. the natural repulsion exists.

This is either due to evolutionary psychology or early socialization regarding cute girls farting, not sure which.


Posted by: Franklin Pierce | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:31 AM
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33

Counterpoint.

I read about it in my morning newspaper. Yes I did, you sniggering bastards.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:37 AM
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34

32 is really at the heart of how we view all serious issues.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:37 AM
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35

The link at 33 is just about the saddest thing I've seen in a while.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:40 AM
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36

I agree with LB. I don't want my intimate relationships to be a constant cataclysm of exciting intimacies, both good and bad. I want a certain decorum to persist even behind closed doors.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:42 AM
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35: Sad, but also strangely hilarious.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:43 AM
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6:Nobody responded to 6 so I am gonna have to my own damn googling. Marvell? Donne? Swift? Not Swift. It was my primary thought as I read the article.

Also remembered Depp in The Libertine. I researched that writer, and have forgotten everything in weeks. Damn.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:45 AM
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You wonder if it helps or hurts that not only is everyone on the site an IBS sufferer, but is so embarrassed by it that they want to date only other sufferers. That seems like a really specific personality type.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:47 AM
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38: No, it's Swift. The Lady's Dressing Room.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:48 AM
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It is fucking Swift. How boring.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:48 AM
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Strephon! THAT'S PK's real name! Of course!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:51 AM
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you don't say "Excuse me" when you fart.

Good little boys and girls say: "there's more where that came from."


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:56 AM
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36: It's more that I don't care what counts as decorum, I just want it to be consistent. If writing a magazine article about shitting isn't indecorous, then anyone bitching about having to be aware that their loved ones shit is an idiot. If people being insufficiently discreet about shitting is a problem, then the article is itself a ghastly offense against decorum.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 9:58 AM
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I don't really follow this, LB. It's an American tradition to blab in the papers about that which we cannot do or say in our private lives. The latest incarnation may be Paris Hilton, but she's not a new phenomenon.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:01 AM
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A girlfriend was considering moving in with one of my guy friends who was looking for a roommate. I gently offered that said friend was one of the louder and smellier creatures I'd ever met, and she replied with someone like, "Well, if it's Lord Byron himself who says so . . . "


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:01 AM
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If we weren't allowed to declare it publicly, we wouldn't be such prudes.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:02 AM
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39: Definitely a particular personality type. I have a rather touchy GI system, and have found everyone I've dated to be extremely accommodating (even when I've, e.g., disappeared for a period of time on a rather early date). The Time Out article is so very far off from the attitudes I've experienced, I could hardly believe it was describing actual humans.


Posted by: Rousseau | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:03 AM
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I could hardly believe it was describing actual humans
I thought it was describing New Yorkers.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:05 AM
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45: Are you talking about condemning wrongdoing, or discussing not-wrong-things-that-we-still-don't-talk-about-publicly? That's two really different categories, right?

Prurient journalism about "OMG, whoever that senator was was found frolicking in the reflecting pool on the Mall with a stripper," is one thing, and it is an American tradition, but the idea behind it is that frolicking with strippers is wrong. Shitting isn't wrong, it's just indecorous to discuss publicly (or not, depending on where you come down on the issue).


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:06 AM
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If writing a magazine article about shitting isn't indecorous, then anyone bitching about having to be aware that their loved ones shit is an idiot

I cannot work out how consistency comes into this. What's inconsistent about, for example, writing about taboos--say, incestuous analingus--while maintaining the taboo?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:06 AM
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51: Because the taboo isn't against committing the act of shitting. Anyone trying to observe a taboo like that would run into real biological problems, very quickly. The taboo is against making people unnecessarily aware of your, or other people's, shitting, and the article is doing that directly -- if there's any value to the taboo, the article violates it, and if there isn't, there's no point.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:10 AM
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The Poop Report ...the host is pushing his book Poop Culture


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:10 AM
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32: On the veldt predators can't track poopless and scentless people as easily. This is especially important if those people pregnant. That's why we've evolved so that only a very small percentage of women actually do poop or fart during their lifetimes. For sure, they *never* did during the 1950s.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:12 AM
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After the singularity, no one will have to take a shit.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:13 AM
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I may be conflating several different things here, but I think my point is that it's not inconsistent for prudes to talk about their particular taboos publicly, either in purely conceptual terms, or with a single public scapegoat in mind. They can't function as prudes without doing so. This may point to a contradiction deep within the heart of prudery, but we can't avoid that if we want to remain a nation of prudes. Which we do.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:14 AM
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Apache Tomcat errors are so crass.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:18 AM
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I see that LB is taking the Martian line on this. The taboo is against drawing attention to bodily functions in concrete circumstances involving real people, not against talking about it at all.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:19 AM
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The people in the article aren't real people? Or is it just that the people quoted are committing an offense against any of their friends and family who read the article, but because we don't know them, we're not in the spectrum of people entitled to find it indecorous?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:22 AM
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I cannot work out how consistency comes into this.

Consistency is an important consideration when evaluating stools.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:22 AM
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52/59: I don't find it irrational that taboos can be much less active when you're just reading words on paper, as opposed to trying to navigate the subject with a friend or SO in person. It's not so much that it makes people uncomfortable per se, but rather than it makes them uncomfortable around other people.

Not that I see any sense in this particular taboo, of course.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:25 AM
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. The taboo is against making people unnecessarily aware of your, or other people's, shitting, and the article is doing that directly -- if there's any value to the taboo, the article violates it, and if there isn't, there's no point.

It would seem that you're arguing against an articulation of what is TMI.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:25 AM
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Political Fecology

We must elevate the discourse, and not re-invent the wheel. Stand on the shoulders of giants. Other cliches.

Here be references to Levi-Strauss, Bakhtin, Julia Kristeva, Joyce Swift Rabelais.

What kind of thread is this anyway? Lacks both theory and dirty jokes.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:26 AM
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In the glorious future, we will all gather in open-air shittatoriums to gossip and discuss the news of the day. After which, the barbarian hordes.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:27 AM
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I was confused as to whether the people in the article were upset by the thought of their lover pooping in the same room as them (sort of indecorous) or pooping at all (your shit stinks, too.) Because most of it sounded like 'I draw the line at shitting together', but then there's the vacation lady. She couldn't close the door all week?

Or do rich people's bathrooms not have doors?


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:30 AM
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O, to be among the Solons of the salons of colons!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:31 AM
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I'm arguing against simultaneously dwelling on it and insisting that it is TMI. If it's really that unpleasant to hear about, don't clutter up your magazine with it. If it's not too unpleasant to clutter up your magazine with it, then stop whining about other people talking about it.

Real, functional prudery is Queen Victoria responding to someone who'd just apologized to her when his horse farted: "If you hadn't apologized, I would have assumed it was the horse." Rambling on about how disgusting it is, when people talk about shit, because shit is so disgusting, and you really don't need to know about it when other people take shits, and they insist on not sufficiently hiding the fact from you, which is really disgusting, because you don't like having to think about other people shitting, isn't functional prudery, it's just stupid. If you don't want to think about shit, don't.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:32 AM
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I can second 26. I worked as a domestic in a mental hospital. My job sometimes involved cleaning shit off walls.

That said, some people DO overshare with information about their defecatory habits.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:33 AM
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I'm arguing against simultaneously dwelling on it and insisting that it is TMI. If it's really that unpleasant to hear about, don't clutter up your magazine with it. If it's not too unpleasant to clutter up your magazine with it, then stop whining about other people talking about it.

And I'm (we're?) saying that things can be differently unpleasant in different contexts. There's no Global Ick Index.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:35 AM
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re: 65

Or do rich people's bathrooms not have doors?

I know a family whose house has NO doors. They say they are getting round to fitting them (the house has been decorated in the past year or so), but, frankly, it's a bit weird.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:35 AM
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I neglected to mention that my daughter demands privacy for herself until she is ready to be wiped. But, the second you try to sit down, she is pushing on your back for you to stand up. Try pooping with someone pushing your back, saying "UP!!!! UP!!!!!!"

The more I think about it the more I realize that my gf is a saint.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:38 AM
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I believe that I have achieved meta-prudery on this issue.

Really, people who are insufficiently discreet (from my point of view) about their bodily functions or sex lives bother me some, but not all that much. This sort of focus on their bad behavior bothers me a whole lot more.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:38 AM
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Really, people who are insufficiently discreet (from my point of view) about their bodily functions or sex lives bother me some, but not all that much. This sort of focus on their bad behavior bothers me a whole lot more.

I suspect that the norm is exactly opposite.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:40 AM
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Lizardbreath is absolutely right. Ban shit from the public sphere! It's less gross to read about it than to experience it in person, but it's still gross.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:46 AM
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The very term TMI implies there is a GII, by locating the problem in the information independent of medium.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:47 AM
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76

which post is this one, and which is the one entitled "Chamber of Secrets"?


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:48 AM
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And that's because I'm right and everyone else is wrong.

Seriously, this taboo isn't that strong anymore. People make shit-related jokes in mainstream entertainment, lots of otherwise civilized people talk about shit all the time. A taboo that says that giggling about shit publicly is A-Ok, but actually having to shit without sufficiently concealing the fact is offensive, makes no sense at all. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still in the 'keep the door closed' camp, but worrying about it beyond that seems really goofy. And the 'keep the door closed' thing can be negotiated within individual relationships without having to get magazine writers involved.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:48 AM
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The problem seems to be that LB isn't a prude at all.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:49 AM
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This is serious shit we are dealing with here.

One of the formative works of my education was a structuralist comparison of Joyce and Pound.
Joyce was formally cloacal ( I prefer cloacal to scatological, to include other excretions, especially female, and to include the public manifestations) while Pound was formally priapic, and this also showed the respective socialist and fascist tendencies. Feminist vs sexist. Indian vs Japanese inflences. Syndicalism vs vanguardism. High culture vs pop culture. Everything good (Joyce) vs everything bad (Pound).

"Bakhtin sees Rabelais's celebration of the "grotesque body" as rooted in the medieval forms of folk humor traditionally associated with the rituals of European carnival. According to Bakhtin, the parody, ribaldry, and comic spectacle inherent to carnival emphasized a "deeply positive" view of the body, 10 in which the body's numerous orifices, swellings, and secretions symbolized a principle of gleeful superabundance opposed to all that was official and hierarchical. Bakhtin argues that although carnival as folk ritual disappeared in Europe starting in the 17th century, its spirit of subversive festivity persisted in textual form via the imagery of the grotesque body, which Bakhtin calls "grotesque realism". 11 Within both actual and literary carnival, then, the subversive power of the grotesque stems from its ability to degrade what is "high", to draw it down to the level of the earth and the "material lower bodily strata" of reproductive and excretory functioning ..." ...Cortez, from article cited in 63

Anal-retentiveness, following the rules, structures, laws, proper procedures, and the desire to avoid the "messiness" of direct democracy or street politics...this is the problem with liberals.

Only shittiness can save America.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:50 AM
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78: There's nothing wrong with coprophilia. It's not my bag, but to each her own.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:52 AM
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It wasnt that long ago that piss was a bad word.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 10:58 AM
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I will note that this is the third thread in a row that has either begun with or veered into a discussion of feces and/or defecation. Are shitting threads the new food threads? Makes sense. Clearly the taboo against talking about this is less than absolute at unfogged.

Those people in the article seem awfully prissy. It is polite to avoid getting all up in someone's face with your dump, but it is also polite to avoid getting all up in someone's face (or all not up in their genitals) just because you live in an apartment with thin goddamn walls. I ain't runnin' to no lobby for nobody.

In other news, it is certainly possible to have TMI about pooping on the internet (vaguely SFW, but, like, don't. Really)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:06 AM
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80: yes, you'd want to avoid sharing bags. Risk of infection, doncha know.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:07 AM
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From an Atkins sufferer, an insight. A high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet can induce an amazing constipation. What can be usefully absorbed, will stick around until it is absorbed. I might go a week or two, and then deliver, with strenuous stomach tension, two quarter-sized rocks.

What has this to do with contemporary culture, especially sexism? All those anorexics avoiding the breads and pasta. Is it the padding they are avoiding, or the shitting?

And I must think about those men so proud of delivering perfect, firm, 6 inch cylinders.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:08 AM
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LB doesn't like stool pigeons.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:09 AM
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84: One of the many signs Atkins isn't such a bright idea.


Posted by: soubzriquet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:11 AM
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Bob, man, eat some vegatables.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:13 AM
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Are shitting threads the new food threads? Makes sense.

It would make more sense if shitting threads are the old food threads.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:13 AM
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82: This blog is becoming revolutionary, of course.

It is noon, must walk the dogs, who understand excretion as an aggressive political act.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:13 AM
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30: I'd buy one.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:18 AM
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88: unfogged: pre-digested for your convenience.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:20 AM
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What kind of thread is this anyway? Lacks both theory and dirty jokes.

Ahem. Bush, Gordon Brown, Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel are attending a summit meeting. Merkel has a terrible case of gas, and she fails to suppress a loud fart. Brown chivalrously pipes up and says, "Pardon me, I couldn't help it." Bush thinks to himself, "Damn, these Brits sure are suave. Wish I had thought of that."

A few minutes later, Merkel lets another one rip. Sarkozy chimes in, "Pardonez-moi." Bush thinks to himself, "Damn it, I let that little Frenchman show me up. Not gonna let that happen again."

A few minutes later, Merkel farts again. Bush puffs out his chest and says, "Angela, I'm going to take full responsibility for that fart and all of your farts for the rest of the day."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:21 AM
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93

Not completely offtopic, so I seek the wisdon of the Mineshaft with an etiguette conundrum. Does one return borrowed underpants?

Context: Taking four year old son ("imaginativekid") for a bicycle ride. Several blocks from home, we pass by his friend's house, and his friend and others are in the pool. He's invited in, but since we didn't plan on this,has no bathing suit, so jumps in in his underpants. Parents hang out, and a good time is had by all. When it's time to go he's reluctant to put his shorts over soaking underpants. HostessMom produces clean underpants, which she says have never been worn.

So--do we

(a) clean (iron?) and return
(b) keep the borrowed pair, and buy a new pair to give to hostessmom in original wrapping
(c) add underpants to imaginativeson's rotation, and forget the whole incident


Posted by: unimaginativeguywhocantthinkofawittycybernym | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:31 AM
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I vote for (b). Bonus points if the new ones are wildly inappropriate.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:32 AM
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Wash and return, or at least that's what I do in similar circumstances, UGWCTOAWC.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:33 AM
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Since hostess said "Have never been worn." I say buy a new pair.

Without that comment, wash and return.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:36 AM
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82: Are shitting threads the new food threads?

Shitting threads are the former food threads.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:40 AM
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97 is, however, the new 88.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:41 AM
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Will has it right in 96.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:42 AM
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100

Did a post about Catherine and Armsmasher just disappear?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:42 AM
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It contained embargoed hotness contest spoilers, apparently.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:44 AM
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Yep. It was apparently embargoed until tomorrow. (No one should be waiting with bated breath for its return -- not earthshattering news about anything at all.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:44 AM
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102: Okay, I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't convinced mysekf taht something was tehre that wasn't.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:47 AM
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This hotness contest?

http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlDC/hottest_media_types/2007_hottest_media_types_finalists_male_off_air_63532.asp#more


Posted by: joeo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:50 AM
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Embargoed!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:52 AM
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Voting doesn't start until tomorrow, so we wanted to give them the biggest possible boost by posting on the day it starts.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 11:57 AM
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My friend, Jill, and I were once chatting about people who freak out about their kids' toilet training progress (or lack thereof). Jill said something about how they should take it easy on the kid bc shitting is stressful, even for adults. I meant to get back to her about that. Unless I've been sick, shitting isn't stressful. Do people stress about shitting?


Posted by: Clueless | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:00 PM
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If anybody spills which one of them defeats Voldemort I'm gonna be pissed.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:00 PM
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Hey, everybody write in Angela Valdez in the hotness contest. Don't vote for the Ivy twerps.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:02 PM
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Hm. That was just guys, and Sausagely wasn't there.

Vandehei is creepy looking.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:03 PM
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Gods, if Bridget Garwood wins on the strength of that picture, kill me now.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:07 PM
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107: I used to have a job grading little kids' psych evals, and, from what I can tell, every single kid on earth who has any emotional disorders of any kind gets impacted bowels. The psychs would have kids draw pictures of impacted bowels as a way of getting them to think relaxed thoughts about poop, so all of their offices, and the halls, were wallpapered with drawings of impacted bowels.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:08 PM
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Pretty easy to spot the token over-30 people on those "hot" lists.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:12 PM
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Gods, if Bridget Garwood wins on the strength of that picture, kill me now.

Heh heh. I haven't the faintest idea who Bridget Garwood is, but during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on, she was the one I made growly noises about.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:14 PM
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Growly like your stomach is empty and Bridget looks snack sized?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:17 PM
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I used to have a job grading little kids' psych evals

"This is the worst psych eval I've ever seen. F."


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:17 PM
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If you prefer.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:17 PM
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I haven't the faintest idea who Bridget Garwood is, but during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on, she was the one I made growly noises about.

Wha? That picture makes her look like a Grey, whoever she is.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:21 PM
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It's probably the lighting.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:24 PM
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The psychs would have kids draw pictures of impacted bowels

What? They said to a six year old 'Draw and impacted bowel' or something?


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:24 PM
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That picture makes her look like a Grey

I'd let her give me an anal probe.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:27 PM
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120: Yeah. They showed them examples and described it to them so they'd envision the process. It apparently works in a meditative way.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:28 PM
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114: That ridiculous makeup! That vacuous, million mile stare! Oy vey!

IMHO, she looks better here (from an indy film she did), but my money's on Ms. "Cute, nice, nerdy about the internet, which is hot too."

Then again, Ms. Garwood has her own listing on imbd.com, so...


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:28 PM
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It's not a question of lacking doors or being a prude--a lot of people have trouble shitting in unfamiliar places or where they think someone can overhear (like a hotel room), just because that's the body's response to lack of familiarity or lack of privacy.

Also, I've taught PK to say "excuse me" when he farts. I dunno, something about the momentary embarrassed silence of *not* saying anything that I just hate.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:30 PM
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They showed them examples


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:30 PM
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I appreciated the variety included in those hot lists.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:31 PM
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Psst, LB, check your hotmail.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:31 PM
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Stephanie Gans' vote total is going to be 15-20% higher than it otherwise would be due to the dress she's wearing.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:33 PM
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More Gans.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:34 PM
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I thought this was embargoed?


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:37 PM
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127: Can't at work, but I will tonight.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:37 PM
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Tons of good that post retraction has done, I see.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:37 PM
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132: Behold the power of rss readers...


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:39 PM
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I really want to put some sunblock on Kelly Torrance. Not in a pervy way--I'm just sure she needs to reapply.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:40 PM
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None of those women poop, you know. Except Catherine.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:40 PM
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135 IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS


Posted by: OPINIONATED GRANDMA | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:42 PM
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135: That's why she's got my vote!


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:42 PM
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Catherine has posted about poop on her old blog, you know. Pooping while training.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:48 PM
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You had to train her to poop?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:50 PM
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That part came to her naturally. It was pooping while running that was difficult, IIRC.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:52 PM
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Pooping while training.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:53 PM
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Oddly enough, the female print journalist nominees seem to be, on average, more attractive than the broadcast journalists.

For my money, NPR's M/ary L/ouise K/elly is at least as hot as any of the television correspondents in the competition.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:53 PM
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Al Jazeera has a correspondent in DC? That must be an awkward job.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:55 PM
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The female TV journalists all look identically hot in an identical way. For the female print journalists I would say there's maybe a 15-way tie for first.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:56 PM
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That is to say, we need more than one randomly-chosen picture of each in order to mark an educated ballot.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:57 PM
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The broadcast journalists are a lot blander, less sexy, more corporate-looking. Yet more proof that people who aren't on TV are a lot sexier than people who are.

I got into a conversation at a party last week about how Jean-Paul Belmondo is ridiculously hot because of his super-broken nose. And there are a few broken-nosed male types on TV, but with women, you get no variety.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:58 PM
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during the behind-the-scenes emailing that just went on

Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:58 PM
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Al Jazeera has a correspondent in DC? That must be an awkward job.

They have a whole bureau there. Arabs want to know about US government happenings.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:59 PM
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None of these women poop. Except Catherine. Attempt no landings there. Use them together. Use them for peace.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 12:59 PM
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Great idea, AWB. I'm going to break Ezra Klein's nose. Give him a boost, you know.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:01 PM
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This talk about shit has been fascinating, but it's time to go bake a berry crisp.


Posted by: Clueless | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:03 PM
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Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.

Well, it was just Ogged and Becks, explaining to me why there wasn't supposed to be a post on the topic until tomorrow.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:05 PM
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ZOMG TEH SANCTITY OF OFF-BLOGG COMMUNICATIONZ!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:08 PM
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This talk about shit has been fascinating, but it's time to go bake a berry crisp.

Let us know how it comes out. Er, let me rephrase that...


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:12 PM
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151: Will it be hot and steamy?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:16 PM
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ZOMG TEH SANCTITY OF OFF-BLOGG COMMUNICATIONZ!

I don't think you get to make that joke if you have an indiscretion error named after you.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:20 PM
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"the indiscretion error," I think.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:22 PM
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Will it be hot and steamy?

No. The recipe calls for it to be bubbling and golden brown.


Posted by: Clueless | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:25 PM
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149 is the kind of comment that makes Unfogged what it is.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:26 PM
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159: Insular and emotionally crippling?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:28 PM
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what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:29 PM
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We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:32 PM
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161: Every day, text. Every day. Vote for me!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:33 PM
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Oh ho, I see who the favorite around here is. Hmph.

Welcome to our world here on the outside, bitch.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:34 PM
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No. The recipe calls for it to be bubbling and golden brown.

Yeah, a baby's first berry crisp is often like that.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:36 PM
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152: Why? I've seen blog posts featuring this contest on other blogs today.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:37 PM
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We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.

And you bitches missed your chance to meet her. YOU LOSE.

("Bitches" being gender-inclusive, of course.)


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:39 PM
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what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?

It's had to be rescheduled, because the cock photos got deleted.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:40 PM
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Certain parties wanted to wait until the voting began. The horse is kinda out of the barn already, though.

I'm voting for Armsmasher, because he's the only one who's given me any action.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:41 PM
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We had it in private among the ladies.

Because the men were all busy pooping? Well, so long as the requisite formalities were observed.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:41 PM
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Apparently the hope was to incite people to vote for Team Unfogged in the hott journalists contest, and voting isn't open until tomorrow. If the post had gone up today, people would be bored by tomorrow and forget to vote.

(Um, Kriston, would it be wrong to vote for Ezra because he's the only person competing who links to my posts? Not that you aren't fetching as all get out yourself.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:41 PM
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171:

If the post had gone up today, people would be bored by tomorrow and forget to vote.

Sigh. I weep for the future.


Posted by: NCProsecutor | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:43 PM
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149: None of these women poop. Except Catherine. Attempt no landings there. Use them together. Use them for peace.

Nice reference to 2010: Odyssey Number Two.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:44 PM
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would it be wrong to vote for Ezra

YES. He's, like, fifteen years old, you perv.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:44 PM
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Because you guys screwed up and mentioned it today, I've already forgotten to vote tomorrow.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:46 PM
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174: Is it too soon to start perving on Ezra?


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:47 PM
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Armsmasher, what's up with the hat?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:47 PM
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You really don't like the hat, do you?


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:50 PM
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I will vote for 'smasher despite having woken up today from an incredibly irritating dream in which he forced me to go see Transformers five times in a row. We have never spoken about the film.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:51 PM
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This is the first time I've mentioned it. It just doesn't seem to work with the beard or shirt.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:51 PM
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106: Voting doesn't start until tomorrow, so we wanted to give them the biggest possible boost by posting on the day it starts.

A good idea, but, before voting starts, the text accompanying Capps's picture should be improved:

"he's not bearded anymore but i don't know anyone else who can pull that look off without looking like a total douche. he wears it well. plus you guys never feature hipster types so you should pick him!"
That sounds like "He's not so bad" or "Be nice to alt. types." Who votes for that? I recommend "Serial Killer is the new Black, and Capps is leading the way," or "There's nothing hotter than Grizzly Adams talking about avant guard art," or even "Has absolutely fucked the shit out of bears."
Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:52 PM
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I didn't say I wanted to watch the movie, AWB.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:52 PM
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Has absolutely fucked the shit out of bears.

Might make me fans with a certain demographic.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:53 PM
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183: Micro-targeting is where the action is today, 'Smasher.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:55 PM
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Getting back to the linked article, I knew the accompanying illustration reminded me of something.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:55 PM
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183: Your preference for koalas has been noted.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 1:55 PM
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162:We had it in private among the ladies. I think Heebie won.

I think I'm the only person who showed up to the competition. But I gave it my all.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:13 PM
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Oh, it's the text-based internet, and we're all words on a page. Can't we all be magically beautiful sparkly unicorns who fart fresh-baked cookies?

Or, in Apo's case, pigs that crap pot?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:18 PM
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Dogs that crap pot.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:21 PM
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That's the spirit, heebie-geebie!


Posted by: soubzriquet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:25 PM
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in Apo's case, pigs that crap pot

Apo is actually multiple pot-crapping pigs?


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:27 PM
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Oh, it's the text-based internet, and we're all words on a page.

Note that the beauty contest we're discussing is for the text-based media and all the contestants are words on a page.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:28 PM
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At the Exploratorium they have a water fountain made out of a toilet, so you really have to get your head into the bowl to drink out of it.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:28 PM
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Apo is actually multiple pot-crapping pigs?

Multiple balding, 47-year-old, pot-crapping pigs. In my mother's basement.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:34 PM
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195

Apo's name is Legion.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:39 PM
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Apo has two snouts and twenty toes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:45 PM
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That motherfucker has, like, thirty goddamned snouts.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:51 PM
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Apo is friends with a spider who spins all his comments in her web before he types them.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:55 PM
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199

193 makes me feel *even worse* about not making the drive.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:56 PM
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200

200! Oink.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:58 PM
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Magical pig!


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 2:58 PM
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199: If it's any consolation, we only discovered the entertaining stuff like the toilet-bowl fountain after suffering through a corporate-sponsored exhibit on the second floor... which prompted Jammies to christen the museum "the Bore-atorium".


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:00 PM
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199 - Aw, it's okay. We'll figure out some way for you to redeem yourself. In the meantime it'll be like you're my indentured gofer who labors from love and regret. Win-win.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:02 PM
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no regrets, B. You have a bathroom; you can recreate the experience.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:07 PM
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205

So Jammies is a talking cat?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:10 PM
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what day is the hottest-unfogged-commenter-contest scheduled for?

I prefer to think of all of you as ugly with bad accents.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:17 PM
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A big, cuddly talking cat. Who wears street clothes. (You may have seen him in the video for Opposites Attract.)


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:17 PM
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203: Awesome.
204: Dream on.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:17 PM
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B, you shouldn't feel bad for not making it, other than in a "damn, I missed all the fun" way. The slackers who are actually local, on the other hand...


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:21 PM
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204: Dream on.

There's some connection to be made between that comment and this one, but I'm too tired to make it.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:22 PM
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211

I realize that the conversation has moved on, but I just want to say that the prospect of shitting at work (where there are multi-stall bathrooms, naturally) distresses me. Someone might come in! And there you will be! Not peeing! And they will KNOW.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:24 PM
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I hate automatic flush toilets at airport that flush, and flush, and flush, while you're trying to change a goddamn tampon. QUIT FLUSHING. QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:28 PM
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Ooh, me too.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:30 PM
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212 gets it exactly right. Also the way the fucking things flush when your little kid leans forward so you can wipe his ass, and TOTALLY FREAK HIM OUT AND HE STARTS CRYING.

That hasn't happened in a couple years, though. But still.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:30 PM
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NAnAANANAAAANANNA Why are we talking about tampons?!??!?!?!?

Can't you just do that in private>?!??!?! We don't need to know.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:32 PM
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I didn't say anything gross about the tampons. I just said that the act of dealing with them exists. But don't tempt me!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:35 PM
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212 has NEVER happened to me. Are you sure you're doing it right?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:41 PM
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212 is like the shortest Nicholson Baker novel ever.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:41 PM
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217: You put them where the pot comes out. Right? Right?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:42 PM
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Please don't think I'm leaving the thread out of distaste for potty humor. I'd like everyone to know how much I enjoy potty humor. But I'm running late and really have to leave this moment.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:43 PM
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Interesting. I thought people mostly got over that sort of hangups.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:47 PM
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Tampons should never be mentioned in mixed gender company. We don't need to know.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:47 PM
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All my boyfriends have pretended to be really, like, "Hey, you can pee/shit/change tampons while I'm shaving! I'm cool with that!" Okay, maybe they're being honest and I'm the one who's creeped out, but it's always felt like an intimacy challenge. Who will win today's "Who's Totally Cool With Their Partner's Body, Dammit?" Challenge?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:48 PM
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224

pigs that crap pot

Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. </obligatory Simpsons reference>


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:50 PM
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225

I am okay with peeing in someone else's presence, but the rest of it, you know, honestly. A little privacy, please.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:50 PM
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it's always felt like an intimacy challenge

Give no quarter, AWB! Don't even tell them your damn name until a few weeks have gone by.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:51 PM
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Privacy is nice when you can get it, but if nothing else it's tough to pull off with small children around.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:53 PM
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228

Seriously.

After you have witnessed childbirth, spent any time with children, or lived with a person of the opposite sex, how can you still be grossed out by these things?

Do other people not get handed large boogies by their kids? Have you not wiped your kid's butt? Heard them poop loudly?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:53 PM
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227: Well of course. Small children aren't an issue. I mean, they *want* you in there to wipe their butts for them. With your tongue.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:53 PM
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Are my kids the only ones who only want to talk with you when you are trying to poop?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:54 PM
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Tampons should never be mentioned in mixed gender company. We don't need to know.

Tampon-talk is fine. Just please specify the fucking brand and--for lack of a better term--model number. Thank you.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:55 PM
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225 gets it exactly right.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:55 PM
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What I meant was that trying to maintain barriers as anything much more than a mild preference gets to be way too much work, and once the barriers go down there's little point in trying to rebuild them.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:55 PM
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234

I was washing my hands post-pee during a friend's wedding reception when the wife of another guest (a local elected official) came into the bathroom, dropped trou, parked her butt on the toilet next to the sink and introduced herself. Shaking hands and everything. That's the kind of friendly, casual place Portland is.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:56 PM
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i don't really mind shitting with another person in the room. in college our suite took the door off our bathroom because it got in the way. but farting/burping/grime under the fingernails/etc are just not cool, no matter who does it.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:57 PM
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228: It's not so much the actual defecation, it's the lack of tact.

While we're on this topic, can I just say that someone needs to write an article unequivocally condemning people who take more than five minutes to shit? Ten at the absolute outside. If it ain't happening, get up and go back later, your body will learn to obey. Hogging and stinking up the bathroom for half a fucking hour at a time ought to be grounds for exile.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:57 PM
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234:

What is the etiquette in Portland? Does a gentleman offer to wipe?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:58 PM
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we did make fun a lot of our roomate who had giarrdia and had to shit like 10x a day for a couple weeks.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 3:58 PM
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OTOH, I find 234 charming.

And no, Will, your kids aren't the only ones who want to talk while they or you are taking a shit. I console myself with hoping that the up side of this is that he knows something about menstruation and won't be all hung up about it later in life.

If he's likely to develop crazy fetishes or inhibitions instead, please don't tell me.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:00 PM
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BitchPhD:

How can I talk trash about that? I let my son play with a speculum when he was a kid.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:01 PM
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That's the kind of friendly, casual place Portland is. That's what we tell the Californians to keep them from moving here.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:02 PM
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237: That, I think, would be crossing the line. It occurs to me that the story wouldn't be quite so charming if she'd taken a dump.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:03 PM
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Will's 222 is difficult to reconcile with his 228.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:04 PM
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"taken a dump" just sounds wrong. You leave it. You make it. But, you certainly don't take it.

Unless you are walking your dog.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:04 PM
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241: Whatever works.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:04 PM
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The poop and other excretions of small children are harmless, innocent, and cute. After puberty and the onset of the hairy butt, poop, etc., become horrible and fraught with sinister powers.

And yet sexy -- to some of us.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:05 PM
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Teo, Teo, Teo:

Why not? They compliment each other.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:05 PM
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"taken a dump" just sounds wrong.

Sorry, I meant to write 'pinched a loaf.' My apologies.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:07 PM
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Much better. Thanks.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:08 PM
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Someone manages to slyly mention an evil Unfogged regular in Sausagely's beauty-contest thread.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:11 PM
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244: which english 'verbal preposition' or whatev they are called ever makes sense


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:23 PM
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The poop and other excretions of small children are harmless, innocent, and cute.

Uh huh.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:47 PM
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The poop and other excretions of other peoples small children are harmless, innocent, and cute.

Better, B?


Posted by: soubzriquet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:54 PM
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When I visit a friend with small children, I always ask to see their cute little poopies. It's just the polite thing to do.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 4:57 PM
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253: Are you saying you want me to mail some of PK's poop to you?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 5:45 PM
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Jeez, B, that would be like sending me wilted flowers. It has to be fresh. The proud kid has to be there with big smile on his face.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 5:47 PM
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Sometimes I suspect that you weren't properly brought up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 5:48 PM
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It's been a rough day to read the blog while eating, that's for sure.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 5:51 PM
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I wasn't offering the poop to *you* Emerson. I suspect your motives.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 5:53 PM
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no, no, no B. It's only cute around other people, too. Preferably when I'm far enough away not to know.


Posted by: soubzriquet | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 6:07 PM
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255: Soub is also tactfully not stating the preference for the poop of other peoples: Zulus, Persians, Mexicans and the like. No doubt in an attempt to spare your feelings.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 6:11 PM
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I feel somehow disgusted by poop. My parents should have made the catbox one of my chores. But no, it was just vacuum the carpets, take out the trash, sweep the deck, mow the lawn, do the dishes.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 6:14 PM
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I'm in the middle of eating a sandwich, and I thought, "hey, I wonder what they're talking about on Unfogged."


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 7:18 PM
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They will look back on this thread as the day Unfogged jumped the shark.

Ok, so maybe it is just another regular day.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-23-07 7:42 PM
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215, 216: you should always carry a few if you are moving around wild country; teased apart, they make excellent kindling.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 07-24-07 5:09 AM
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