Re: And You Can't Even Swim Laps In Them!

1

This is, of course, the worst sentence of the article:

He is currently working on an all-marble pool in the shape of a dolphin -- 60 feet from nose to tail -- for the home of Ken and Georgia Chamitoff in Palmdale, Calif., which he estimates will cost nearly $300,000; the idea came from their 8-year-old daughter, Sophia.

Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:27 AM
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Look at those houses! Were I the devil, I'd give mcmc a rocket launcher, with a troop of Samoan ammo carries to follow her from house to house.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:27 AM
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s/b carriers


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:28 AM
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"As the market for new pools middle class drops off , very high-end models baubles account for an increasing share of construction the market."

In case I haven't mentioned it before, I hate the Times.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:29 AM
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Although a close second:

"I think it was important to Ken that Sophia could talk about having a dolphin pool with her friends at school."

Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:30 AM
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What WOULD be the best sentence in the piece, but fails tragically from a lack of genetically-engineer shark people:

"In a very short amount of time, the swimming pool has gone from a recreation center to a complete environment."


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:30 AM
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I'm sickened by the NYT much more than the pool owners.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:30 AM
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7 comments in and I'm already unhealthily angry.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:35 AM
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As a child, I was teased mercilessly for having a tuna-shaped swimming pool. My parents skimped on the design to save money. "Tuna always swim near dolphins," they told me, "They always get netted together." Tell that to the kids at school who put dolphin meat in my locker.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:38 AM
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Best sentence of the article, LizardBreath style:

Mr. Moran, an investment banker, is somewhat reticent about the interest the pool has attracted from neighbors and others, although he admits it's been a subject of conversation.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:40 AM
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My dad has a 25 yard pool. It really is a waste. If you want to swim laps, go to a club. A home pool should be for splashing around and lounging around.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:41 AM
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My carp-shaped pool keeps out the riffraff (I don't necessarily specifically mean anyone here). I call it my Koi Pool, because koi are carp. When people come over, they always ask "Where are the koi?" Then I laught and say, "The pool itself is a koi!" They really find this hilarious, especially the second and third time I say it.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:44 AM
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And fucking in.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:45 AM
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And fucking in.

Absolutely not. beside.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:46 AM
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And getting accidentally pregnant in.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:48 AM
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Wait, really? I always kind of assumed that this was one serious advantage of being, you know, straight.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:48 AM
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Beside is hard and poky! Inside is splishy fun.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:49 AM
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Beside is hard and poky! Inside is splishy fun.

Homo.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:50 AM
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having sex in the pool: paradoxically dry and scrapy.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:52 AM
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I tried to tell them, Al. Because I'm a feminist.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:54 AM
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Yes, as a valued member of this community observed this week, also from overseas, "beds are classic for a reason" In-water is one of those things tried once.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:55 AM
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As I said on the dead thread, Ogged, if Ala gets the tattoo, ou should sue her ass for copyright infringement.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:55 AM
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Homo.

Well, sure, I guess, if your lube isn't water-based.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:56 AM
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Beside is hard and poky!

Isn't that the point?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 8:58 AM
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My parents put in an in-ground pool (nothing too fancy, but with a diving board and slide!) when they moved twenty years ago and my dad had a new job that seemed like it would have only upward potential. He was fired a year later and stayed unemployed for three years. We lived off my brother's and my college fund until it was gone. Now I'm sitting on a huge pile of loans that I'll never be able to pay off, but my folks still get to have fun pool parties. I resent that pool.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:02 AM
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If you have one of those above-ground pools, you could claim it's a tuna shaped pool because that's exactly the shape of a can of fish.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:02 AM
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More horrors:

"But when I walked out onto that deck, I thought, 'Damn, this is a million-dollar view and I need a pool that can keep up.' "


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:03 AM
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AWB:

But, more importantly, did you prefer sex in the pool or next to the pool?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:05 AM
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Adding anything involving water to a house seems to cost a great deal more than one expects. I looked into having a moving-water lap pool built at my father's house as a present for a significant round-number birthday a few years ago. The cost was about 250% of what I had expected, so that idea died quickly.

A house that he and the stepmother considered buying a few years before that came with a fountain in the atrium, but the inspection revealed that significant, costly damage to the floor and foundation from years of leaks from the fountain (a pleasant waterfall-and-pool combination, as I recall)


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:05 AM
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I have a river behind my house. It's pretty and clear blue and spring-fed and has city parks along the other side. It's really wonderful.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:09 AM
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Adding anything involving water to a house seems to cost a great deal more than one expects.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:11 AM
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31 gets it about 75% right, according to my estimates.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:12 AM
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28: I never had sex in the pool, alas.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:14 AM
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Probably this has already been linked to, but just in case, the truly interesting NYT swimming article of the week:

But over the past four days of twice-daily two-hour sessions, Olsen has shown just what a miracle worker a top coach can be. Thanks to a series of progressive drills, in-the-pool demonstrations, computerized stroke analysis and spot-on analogies, he has helped me reprise "Pygmalion" in the pool.

Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:14 AM
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Adding [A]nything involving water to a house seems to cost a great deal more than one expects.

Except in Elgin, of course.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:18 AM
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I must note that, paradoxically, pools are great for dry-humping. At least, the dykey kind. So, score one for Team Lesbo, I guess.


Posted by: Lunar Rockette | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:19 AM
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36: Scissor me timbers!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:25 AM
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inside: having sex in the pool: paradoxically dry and scrapy.

beside: hard and poky!

on the diving board: priceless?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:29 AM
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Team Faggit loses a point: pools are lousy for blowjobs.

Other examples of water = $$$:
plumbing
boats
aquaria

All money pits.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:30 AM
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Exhibit 3,109,498 for why we need a much higher top tax bracket.


Posted by: Mother's Younger Brother | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:35 AM
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on the diving board: priceless?

Not according to Hunter S. Thompson. One of his latest autobiographical books told the story of the time in his twenties or thirties that he had drunken sex on a diving board for a long while and ended up with a horrendously bloody back from the no-slip grit surface.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:36 AM
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42

I think the movie Showgirls forever ruined sex in the pool.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:39 AM
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43

Wow. That was a bad, bad movie.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:41 AM
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why we need a much higher top tax bracket.

that captures as many Times reporters as possible.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:42 AM
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45

The Zakian pool is lovely.


Posted by: baa | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:46 AM
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46

that captures as many Times reporters as possible.

Nah, a Pigou tax on lifestyle articles (determined by circulation and website hits, perhaps?) would be more efficient at accomplishing our agenda. After all, we want them to continue to manage the occasional bit of investigative reporting.

Also, while I'm dreaming about a more perfect tax structure for my desires, how about a bacon subsidy?


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:48 AM
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Fortunately, Ben Bernacke cut the discount rate. Fiscal crisis averted! Go on building your tuna pools, idle rich of America!


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:49 AM
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pools are lousy for blowjobs

What, your pool doesn't have a shallow end?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:50 AM
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49

Let's not get any mandom in the pool, ok?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:52 AM
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Sex on the only-just-submerged tiled divider between the jacuzzi and the rest of the pool works pretty well. I'm told.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 9:56 AM
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Let's not get any mandom in the pool, ok?

MANDOM is twice as effective as chlorine. Its spermicidal efficacy is still being tested (here, bunnybunnybunny).


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:05 AM
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pools are lousy for blowjobs
What, your pool doesn't have a shallow end?

What, your pool doesn't have a swallow end?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:05 AM
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nothing has been so dissapointing about my summer so far than failing to befriend someone with rich parents who own a pool where i can go cabana it up on th e weekends


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:08 AM
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Sex on the only-just-submerged tiled divider between the jacuzzi and the rest of the pool works pretty well. I'm told.

Sex between fabulously good-looking people works pretty well. According to the movies.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:09 AM
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My mom is really nosy. Every time I've brought a dude home to meet my parents, she will appear, suddenly, wherever we are, with snacks. I haven't brought anyone home for several years, but she used to do it when I was in college. Fooling around in the pool is very difficult when your mom keeps appearing and shouting "Fresh berry daquiris! Doesn't that sound refreshing?!"


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:09 AM
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"Fresh berry daquiris! Doesn't that sound refreshing?!"

Mmm! Yes it does!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:12 AM
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What, your pool doesn't have a swallow end?

They always fly away. I guess I could put a net over the swallow end... plus, the swallow end is a disconcerting blend of soft and pokey.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:13 AM
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Fooling around in the pool is very difficult when your mom keeps appearing and shouting "Fresh berry daquiris! Doesn't that sound refreshing?!"

That's why you're supposed to go park somewhere, like every other red-blooded American teenager.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:15 AM
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Sex between fabulously good-looking people works pretty well. According to the movies.

You shouldnt put down Jammies like that.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:16 AM
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It can't be a good sign that the fresh berry daquiris sound like the better option.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:18 AM
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Why do you think she calls him Jammies?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:18 AM
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It's short for Jamaal, of course!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:22 AM
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60: Less chlorine, for starters.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:22 AM
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I really struggle with the emotions this article brings up. Wealth can allow the luxury of being outwardly decent, but also spare one from pressures to betray others for one's own benefit; many rich people are in fact quite nice on an interpersonal, money-independent level. It is shallow and unjust to hate them just for the casual entitlement and the bad taste. Also, judge not for a variety of very good reasons. Nevertheless, going into whole foods makes my flesh crawl, and the occasions when I go to the mall where the Saudis and moguls shop
makes me want to shower. Intolerance for even a hint of arrogance from a rich person is a failing like any other intolerance, the kids are to be pitied for having such empty parents.

Boring pious sentiment I guess-- but the reaction these pools and this smugness brings up for me is uglier than just sarcasm, and I need a way to suppress it. Like the 1983 dance hit White Horse says, "If you want to be rich you got to be a bitch."


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:23 AM
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62: I thought it was kind of like, "um, no, go ahead and keep your clothes on."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:24 AM
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8: Or museums. Now that I'm a mature adult with my own private living quarters, seeing teens fool around in museums fills me with annoyance. But when I was 19, man. Thank you, relatively empty Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art! Thank you Andy Warhol Museum!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:25 AM
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Woah, 66 to 58.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:26 AM
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Museums? Jeez, AWB, no wonder you only date crazy guys.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:26 AM
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It used to be a requirement. I get more vanilla with age.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:30 AM
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Woah

[sigh]


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:34 AM
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[sgih]


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:35 AM
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Okay, as long as we're airing usage peeves, can I just point out that it's spelled "whoa"?

Thank you.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:35 AM
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I continue to hate Heebie.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:36 AM
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Pwned again, B.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:36 AM
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I haven't slept much. Near break-in at 1am, cops, no sleep till 4am.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:37 AM
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Heebie is banned! For one year!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:37 AM
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From the direction of the discussion, clearly "swim laps" in the post title needs to be revised.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:37 AM
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74: You know me. If no one listens the first time, I'll just KEEP SAYING IT UNTIL THEY DO.

Ahem.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:38 AM
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Becks, I think that the line from comment 5,

"I think it was important to Ken that Sophia could talk about having a dolphin pool with her friends at school."
beats out number one (explaining how the design choice came from their 8 year-old daughter).

I'd kind of like to see a picture of the Morans' pool,

two-story pool connected by a slide and a recirculating waterfall with sweeping staircases on either side. The lines of the pools -- the bottom one is 320 square feet and the top one 450
.

I'm kind of confused as to how the sweeping staircases can be safe.

This whole over-the-top house/pool market is absurd. Having said that, I wish that more attention were paid to the aesthetics of regular pools--particularly public (not just club), actual public pools. I'd love to see some Roman-style mosaics in them.

Just in passing, for your amusement, I want to note that I have a lot to get done today, most of which requires that I be away from my computer. I did need to do a couple of things on the computer, but on my TO DO list there's one negative item: "Do not read Unfogged."

Obviously I've broken that--maybe because I felt that I had to share that point--and I'm about to absent myself, but it's very telling.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:39 AM
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I continue to hate Heebie.

I think you secretly like-like me.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:39 AM
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clearly "swim laps" in the post title needs to be revised

"swim laps" s/b "get a lap dance"?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:40 AM
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Heebie is banned! For one year!

OW! Owie! OW! Cruel and unusual!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:40 AM
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"Do not read Unfogged."

Do not think of a white elephant.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:41 AM
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I think you secretly like-like me.

Nuh uh!


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:41 AM
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Near break-in at 1am, cops, no sleep till 4am.

So sorry to hear it, White Bear.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:43 AM
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Nuh uh!

So's your face!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:44 AM
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It took AWB a long time to wash off the cocaine.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:44 AM
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So's your face!

::Runs off crying::


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:46 AM
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79- The public baths in Budapest are awesome. I want to see some rich person build that in their back yard.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:49 AM
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"Anal exams in film for 400, Alex"

I can only remember the one Michael Bates does on Malcolm MacDowell in A Clockwork Orange, but there must be many.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:52 AM
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Wrong thread, sorry. Don't know how that happened.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:54 AM
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You were pitching towards a different hole. It's okay.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 10:55 AM
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I thought it was kind of like, "um, no, go ahead and keep your clothes on."

recent joke from comic:

"I always want the lights off when we have sex. My boyfriend said 'Honey, we can leave the lights on....you have a beautiful body.' I said, 'Awww, that is so sweet. You think I want the lights off because of the way I look!"


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 11:17 AM
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This is not the underwater sex blog.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 11:50 AM
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Sarah Silverman?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:02 PM
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We should expect a new, rowdier crowd. The jackbooted thug lady closed the other bar.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:12 PM
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Those god-damned riff raff better not fornicate in my cabana.

(sips daquiri, huffily)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:17 PM
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Make me a fucking daquiri, you.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:19 PM
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99

It's spelled daiquiri, you.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:22 PM
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100

Whatever.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:25 PM
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I must note that, paradoxically, pools are great for dry-humping. At least, the dykey kind. So, score one for Team Lesbo, I guess.

for straight dry-humping too. pools are a little too well-lit. but it is especially amazing in a swimming hole at night. oh my god. oh. my. god.


Posted by: Marie Curie | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:47 PM
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99: we'll be changing that, thank you.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 1:48 PM
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Just in case the NYT didn't sufficiently fuel your class anger (read envy) with the pool piece, there's also this piece about the rich buying exotic cars on the "easy payment plan":

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/12/automobiles/12LEASE.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Extra points for all the ways the rich get tax-breaks on these things.

Next up: An article about dolphin-shaped pools in exotic cars.


Posted by: A. Chandler Moisen | Link to this comment | 08-17-07 5:01 PM
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