Re: The Wide Stance

1

Really?


Posted by: Tarrou | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:21 PM
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"Stance" just can't be the right word.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:21 PM
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Flushing sounds: awful.


Posted by: arthegall | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:22 PM
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2. Stand : stance :: sit : sice? sitce? (prn. "sits")

Whoops. Banned again.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:30 PM
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That's hilarious.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:36 PM
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I really wish this story had broke before I left Minneapolis, b/c I would totally have either put my boyfriend up to trying this out in the men's room or done it myself to see if it worked.

I suggest one of the Minneapolis guys do some independent investigative reporting on our behalf.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:39 PM
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This method of "cruising" is a pretty extreme example of something that can either go really right or really, really wrong. I can see someone beating the hell out of the guy who keeps looking into his stall, etc. Sen. Craig should be commended for his courage.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:43 PM
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Perhaps Tucker Carlson could do an investigative report.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:44 PM
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I was in that airport for the first time about two weeks ago. It seemed like a very pleasant airport. I don't know if that somehow makes it more sordid to imagine that it's a cruising hotspot (compared to your grungier transport hubs).


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:44 PM
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I can see someone beating the hell out of the guy who keeps looking into his stall

"Someone" s/b Tucker Carlson.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:48 PM
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It seemed like a very pleasant airport. I don't know if that somehow makes it more sordid to imagine that it's a cruising hotspot (compared to your grungier transport hubs).

Everyone knows gays are picky about interior design.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:50 PM
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We always crap in a buffalo stance.
We do the dive when we drop our pants.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 2:56 PM
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The lobby bathroom at the Palmer House showed up in a list of hot cruise places in Chicago. The central APA is held there a lot, and I've used that bathroom many times. I had no idea.

Also, I love a free press.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:10 PM
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Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, every time you got to second base, you said, "Oh, whoops. I guess I got a wide stance, huh?" It's the new euphemism for "How do you feel about that quasi-sexual contact I just made?"


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:11 PM
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The Minneapolis/St.Paul airport has at least four bookstores that sell books that someone who reads and comments on this blog might want to purchase and read. It _needs_ four bookstores, because the terminal is an immense structure.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:12 PM
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It also had "Fox News Channel" stores. WTF?


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:15 PM
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This whole Craig thing is making me hate people just a little bit more than the day before. I don't (a) understand why anyone would pick a bathroom as a meetup place, or (b) understand why we should care if everything is as oblique as described. I join with everyone else in enjoying Craig's pain--I am pro-Red pain, after all--but the justifications against him are a bit much.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:18 PM
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I don't know where else to put this link, but it seems to call out for unfoggedian discussion. Though I'm seriously dubious about the claim that 100% of women won't sit to pee in a public restroom and the implication that "bacterial contamination of a female bottom" is somehow an actual problem. I'm not aware that sitting on a toilet seat where someone's peed (assuming you're unable to wipe it yourself with toilet paper for some reason) is a common method for bacterial transmission, what with skin being there on purpose to prevent germs from getting inside and all.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:22 PM
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17a: Don't be unimaginative. Why a bathroom? B/c it's men-only, it's a place where hanging out for a while is unusual enough to signal that you have some kind of intention but where most people who aren't interested in picking you up won't themselves hang around long enough to really notice that you're taking too long, and where you have doors and a reasonable expectation of semi-privacy in public. Duh.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:24 PM
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I'm not enjoying his pain, but he's staked out a position where these allegations are fatal. All he was charged with was disorderly conduct, to which he pled guilty. It's the gross political hypocrisies which have landed him in the place where his career is over, not the acts themselves which are easy to treat lightly because they are so trivial.

And this underscores the association between the panic about homosexuality and the kind of people making the most noise. It discredits them.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:25 PM
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17b: We shouldn't care, but since Craig's all anti-gay-marriage, he deserves to be embarrassed by a foolish homophobic law that wouldn't be on the books if people weren't nosy parkers.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:26 PM
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I don't think there actually is a homophobic law on the books, which is one of the odd things about the case.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:31 PM
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20 gets it exactly right except that I am enjoying Craig's pain. It is delicious.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:33 PM
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True, I guess "public indecency" isn't inherently homophobic. But surely sting operations in men's bathrooms are.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:33 PM
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>> MSP has four bookstores
> It also had "Fox News Channel" stores.

Right, and I wasn't counting those, of course.
No thinking person can enter them, because they have six televisions in a row across the back wall, all showing Faux News, all turned up loud.
I have often thought the only proper thing to do would be to acquire one of these Dumbledorian devices and to visit every few minutes.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:34 PM
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Gosh, I wish I'd had one when Fatburger had Dr. Phil on tv yesterday.

To the manager's credit, after she brought our food and heard me explaining to PK why I thought Dr. Phil was being mean for scolding a battered woman, she did turn it off herself, though.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:36 PM
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These kinds of cases are really cases about conspiracy to commit these crimes or attempts to commit these crimes, much like the solicitation charges.

The officer says, "A + B = a signal to commit sodomy in the bathroom."

As much as I dislike Craig, these cases are somewhat troubling. OTOH, these guys are not meeting each other to go have sex in a nearby hotel room.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:40 PM
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I'm not aware that sitting on a toilet seat where someone's peed (assuming you're unable to wipe it yourself with toilet paper for some reason) is a common method for bacterial transmission, what with skin being there on purpose to prevent germs from getting inside and all.

As far as I know it poses literally no risk at all, unless you have open sores or cuts on your sitting apparatus. Urine qua urine also does not usually contain any bacteria - hence the name "urinary tract infection" to describe the exception to this rule.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:41 PM
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Right, but assuming for the sake of argument that urine that's been sitting on a toilet seat for a while might be a valid place for bacteria to gather. I'm trying to be charitable here.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:43 PM
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Ah, but did the manager do anything to you when she heard about you ruining PK's life?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:43 PM
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Wide stance is a hilariously lime excuse, but what's the explanation for the hand under the stall? Will he claim he gripping the bottom of the stall for leverage?


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:44 PM
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Sorry, 30 to 26.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:44 PM
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Will he claim he gripping the bottom of the stall for leverage?

I would imagine a conservative Idahoan's diet would require a lot of leverage in such situations.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:45 PM
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30: Huh? I'm not ruining *his* life. Only the lives of other people's kids.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:45 PM
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Er, "lame" excuse, obvs. And add a "was" in the second sentence. I shouldn't be allowed to type.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:46 PM
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31: He has a wide, shaky stance. It also takes him a couple minutes to figure out which stall would be most conducive for his unorthodox style, which is why he stood in front of the cop's stall while waiting for the one next to it to become open.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:46 PM
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What if, in the course of peeing, you rubbed your girlparts all over the seat, and then the next person who used the seat rubbed her gilrparts all over it? You can see how this might lead to infection, right? Especially if you both had little nicks or cuts on your girlparts.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:47 PM
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These kinds of cases are really cases about conspiracy to commit these crimes or attempts to commit these crimes, much like the solicitation charges.

Except that with prostitution the problem is that the crime occurs in private, so we can't actually catch them in the act. If someone's actually being sodomized in a busy bathroom, you'd think a third party might notice.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:48 PM
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B @ 18 anent a discussion of urinals for women:
- Many women who sail long distances eventually learn to pee over the rail, standing up. There is a little flexible funnel-shaped dingus that you can buy to help if you can't learn to aim, and which makes it possible for women to use the zipper fly without doffing trou; but the sailors I knew disdained them. A discussion of aiming technique can grow either fascinating or offensive, depending.
- I was once at a concert at which the usual long line for the womens' loo grew to a half-hour wait. So there I was in the mens' facility, facing the wall, and a Young Thing in a short skirt walked in like she owned the place, hiked up the front of her skirt, and used the urinal next to me. Expertly, I think, although I was too polite to observe the proceedings closely (despite, I admit, intense interest). Nevertheless, I was very impressed.
- As for bacterial transmission via seats: it's my understanding that shaking hands is a lot more likely path of infection.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:48 PM
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37: Yes, those are mucous membranes.

I confess that I don't know what exact sorts of body-seat interactions might take place during a woman's bathroom adventure.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:50 PM
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37: Yeah, well, if you're rubbing your pussy on the *toilet seat* you've got other things to worry about beyond infection.

what's the explanation for the hand under the stall?

I believe he claimed he was trying to pick up some paper from the floor.

If someone's actually being sodomized in a busy bathroom, you'd think a third party might notice.

Eh, assuming we're talking blow jobs it wouldn't be that hard, if you could remain quiet: the blowjobbee could stand in a grocery sack or something while the blowjobber sat on the toilet. Same for handjobs, I guess. Or anal, really, since after all some guys do use the private stalls to stand and pee rather than the urinals; the sodomizer standing in a sack, the sodomizee facing the toilet.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:51 PM
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The cop was there because there had been complaints of "lewd behavior" in that bathroom. I take that to mean that some homophobic twit got all up in arms at the possibility, probably just a rumor, that this was a cruisey place. And then his complaint turned around and bit the ass of a politician who makes his living stirring up just this sort of intolerance and suspicion.

I think the whole thing is great.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:52 PM
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Gentlemen: 41 should not have been necessary.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:55 PM
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B@26:
I have usually found that if you ask the clerk/bartender/waiter/staff person politely, they're only too happy to have an excuse to change the channel away from O'Reilly's Disgrace, or turn the TV off entirely. Hardly anyone really _prefers_ Fox enough to object.
The "Fox News Stores" in MSP are probably an exception.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:55 PM
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I was doing my best to goad a response just like 41, and was pleased when I got it.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:56 PM
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46

18: Women know about the cooties too.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 3:57 PM
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Eh, assuming we're talking blow jobs it wouldn't be that hard, if you could remain quiet: the blowjobbee could stand in a grocery sack or something while the blowjobber sat on the toilet. Same for handjobs, I guess. Or anal, really, since after all some guys do use the private stalls to stand and pee rather than the urinals; the sodomizer standing in a sack, the sodomizee facing the toilet.

I don't even begin to believe that. This is an airport bathroom. There are always going to be several people in it. No one's going to notice two people coming out of a stall? And I've got to think that there's a hotel in the airport somewhere.

I don't understand any of this. If B's description is anywhere near the truth, that is what Slate should have done a video recreation of.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:00 PM
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18: There was some conversation about this very subject at my office. Not only do these freaks refuse to sit down, they claim they use their feet to flush the toilet.
Q: "Don't You?"
A: "I do now."
But really, have some consideration for the little old lady with poor balance, and don't put your disgusting shoe on the toilet handle.
That is all.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:02 PM
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There's one bathroom on the P/tt campus that I thought would be a perfect cruising spot. It's underground, in a place where hardly anyone (and no undergraduates) goes, but in one of the central buildings of the campus. And it has this giant atrium for no real reason.

And I found a list and yes, that is one of the big cruising locations. I'm a natural!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:02 PM
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18: One more thing...100% of women? Will not sit on any public toilet seat whatsoever? Who's supposed to believe that? Every single woman makes a rule to cover the seat with paper or hover above it or something?

What a waste of time.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:03 PM
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SCMT@47:
> This is an airport bathroom. There are always going to be several people in it.

MSP is _huge_. At almost any time of day, whole rows of departure gates have maybe one or two people sitting in them, waiting maybe for a local flight departing in two or three hours to Frogpond Minnesota or Podunk Iowa. I would guess that some of the bathrooms are pretty much deserted for an hour or more even during the day, and much longer in the evenings.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:07 PM
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100% of women? Will not sit on any public toilet seat whatsoever?

100% of the ones *I've* dated, but that's a rather small sample.

Supposedly you can get herpes or something.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:09 PM
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And I've got to think that there's a hotel in the airport somewhere.

In the airport? I doubt it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:10 PM
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I never would have thought of the whole sack thing. Bitch has obviously thought this through far more than me.

Some days I feel so naive.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:10 PM
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I didn't understand the sack part, but I decided to pretend like I knew what she meant.

A literal sack? Huh?


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:12 PM
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The sack thing took me a couple of minutes to figure out. ("Why would he need to stand in a sack? His feet aren't going to get dirty. He can keep his shoes on...") Proving I don't have the mind for this kind of thing.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:13 PM
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Maybe they don't do that widely. I could have sworn I'd seen such. I love the MN airport, too--so homey.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:15 PM
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You don't need a sack, B must just like props. One guy squats with his feet on the toilet seat and the other guy faces him, just as if he's doing his business. Easy peasy. You just have to be quiet and the guy on the toilet seat can't stand all the way up. At least, that's how I imagine it working.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:15 PM
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I still don't get it, but if I ever need to fuck someone in a bathroom stall, I now know where to turn for advice. Surely I am a better person for that.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:16 PM
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59 to 56. 58, I can see. Though damn, one would have to *really* want to get banged to squat like that.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:17 PM
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57 to 53.

58: I'm still not buying it. I need video. The places I've been where people are having sex (or so I've been told) in the bathroom look like places where one might have sex in the bathroom.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:18 PM
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I'd think that Ogged's idea in 58 would put the person on the toilet at too high compared to the standing person's anatomy. They'd have to lean over too much to keep their balance. Also, most public toilets don't have lids and squatting on a toilet seat while moving (because you'd hope that person has some movement going on, right?) would be pretty hard without falling in.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:18 PM
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With that defeatist attitude, y'all are never getting blown in an airport bathroom.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:21 PM
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52: Martha must be an exception. She was very very angry when she sat in some woman's pee on a toilet seat in La Guardia.


Posted by: George Washington | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:21 PM
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The point of the sack is so that an outside won't see two pairs of feet in the stall. It just looks like one guy with his groceries. (But who would bring their groceries into the toilet?) Standing with your fee together in a stall getting blown has got to be more comfortable than the squatting thing.

But people who do this are all about the danger, right Ogged? Otherwise there are so many other ways to have anonymous gay sex.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:21 PM
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But people who do this are all about the danger, right Ogged?

Right you are, sir.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:23 PM
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But who would bring their groceries into the toilet?

Right. Why go to the trouble of setting up a sting? Just do a grocery bag check from time to time. The whole thing is ludicrous. It sounds like the gay version of Eddie Murphy's White World skit. "When straight people aren't around...."


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:26 PM
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The sack doesn't need to be a grocery sack. It can be from a department store.

I can't believe I'm defending the sack. Still, I think it sounds like a much better plan than Ogged's. He just wants to get off and doesn't care if his partner slips and falls in the toilet and has to get funny looks for being covered in water.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:28 PM
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Right you are, madam.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:29 PM
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Oh! I had it pictured as a plastic grocery bag, with one of the participants standing in the toilet, which seemed a little ridiculous and had me confused. That said, galoshes would work.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:30 PM
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"Police were aware that the bathroom was a site for gay hook-ups, having received a tip that men had frequently entered it wearing galoshes on sunny days."


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:33 PM
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Also, if we're talking about a guy doing the performing, sitting down with your pants around your ankles would put you in a much better position (ahem) to enjoy the situation along with your partner than if you were trying to squat on the toilet seat.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:34 PM
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Who would bring their grocery bag to the airport bathroom?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:34 PM
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I have an excuse for knowing this info, having defended such cases. Ogged, does the danger offset the objection of a fastidious man?


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:34 PM
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In the old days, back when ogged still cared, he would have been out there doing field tests.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:36 PM
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Will, you know you shouldn't represent yourself in court. "Fool for a client" and all of that.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:36 PM
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Wait a minute. Somewhere in the archives, I remember Ogged admitting that he'd never been on the receiving end of a blowjob where he was standing and the woman was kneeling/crouching. No wonder his geometry of the whole thing is so off. Pay no attention to him; he doesn't know what he's talking about.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:38 PM
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Not to harsh everyone's mellow, but isn't the point of putting your rolling bag so it blocks the under-the-door view so you can just stand on the floor like a regular person, without needing a bag to stand in? You're still visible to anyone looking under the partion from the side, but who does that?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:38 PM
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Will, you naif, no one likes to get dirty like the fastidious.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:39 PM
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LB with the detailed knowledge of how its done!


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:40 PM
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I can't believe I'm defending the sack.

Seems to me the sack would rustle quite a bit, in a noticeable and peculiar manner, with the thrusting to & fro.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:40 PM
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Will, you know you shouldn't represent yourself in court. "Fool for a client" and all of that.

Along those lines, I should let Senator Craig know that "I was just helping him get his zipper unstuck" isn't the best defense.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:40 PM
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Even in Minnesota, _nobody_ wears galoshes to the airport any more. Even in winter.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:41 PM
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A blow job while standing I don't think I've ever received.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:42 PM
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Becks, your naivete is so touching: you can't even conceive that the guy squatting on the toilet might put his hands on the seat and get plenty low enough. Such a sweet child.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:42 PM
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LB has done her homework. The rest of you get Fs. For makeup you will have to give blowjobs to random strangers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:42 PM
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Slate just gave us the finger.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:43 PM
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Ogged, I'm an engineer. This isn't about me being a naif; I'm just working the angles.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:43 PM
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Huh. Never mind. The last time I reloaded the site, there was a little Flash window that said, "This video cannot be viewed through this site."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:44 PM
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You're still visible to anyone looking under the partion from the side, but who does that?

A cop who was policing the bathroom, I'd think.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:46 PM
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The great part of this story for me is that the girl I'm currently kinda seeing I met while we both had a layover at MSP. I picked her up at the bar, not the bathroom, but still - there must be something in the HVAC system there that pumps out nothing but love...


Posted by: Sen. Mike Crapo | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:50 PM
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Funny, Sen. Craig gave me the nickname I always go by now. I'm happily married and have raised several litters of little Otters.


Posted by: Governor Butch Otter | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 4:55 PM
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48:

I've grudgingly allowed the seat-to-ass necessity. I suppose I consider my ass partially public. But your *hands*? Last frontier, my friend. People were just touching *parts*, you know, and you wanna go grubbing about in that muck. Luck to ya, but I'll keep relying on the trusty shoe. I never touch those things. And the "just touched your shoe" thing.. I think that's rather the best possible scenario. I'd almost always lick the ground than another person's genitals. You know where the ground has been.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:04 PM
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93 cracks me up. This is exactly why there should be no public bathrooms. Just hold it until you are in a private residence. If you can't: diapers. Surely that's a better solution.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:09 PM
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93:
> I'll keep relying on the trusty shoe.
You know, I've heard that in some places, every stall has a little dispenser of small squares of sterile white tissue. Seems like the ideal solution.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:12 PM
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94: sup NASA.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:33 PM
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77: Isn't the standing blowjob disrespectful?


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:35 PM
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97 - I think we've had this discussion before. The standing blowjob is not in itself disrespectful but the act has been somewhat tainted by its association with stupid "I'm going to fuck your face" scenes in porn.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:39 PM
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I guess it could produce less neck-strain than a laying-down or sitting blowjob.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:42 PM
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Sorry if this is already pwned, but 52 is hilarious. "Yeah, baby, I didn't give you herpes! You musta got it from a toilet seat or something!"

People who don't sit on the toilet and spray their excrement everywhere are disgusting pigs. The ones who flush with their feet will be first up against the wall.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:49 PM
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99: Ridiculous and untrue. I don't think sex acts like standing bjs are inherently disrespectful, but they aren't great mechanically. You don't have much range when the dude is standing.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:54 PM
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100 - That really is one of those Tragedy of the Commons situations.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 5:54 PM
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101, rather: A standing bj situation probably requires a particular height ratio that I've never been in, with a super-short guy and a pretty tall kneeling girl. You don't want to come at it from below.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:00 PM
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102 to 101.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:02 PM
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103 - Not if the stander has a (and here's where it all comes together, folks) wide stance.


Posted by: Skceb | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:02 PM
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105: yeah, baby.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:04 PM
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Surely we have at least one poster who has actually given a blow job in a public bathroom and can post under presidential pseudonym. This whole thread reeks of armchair theorizing. Although I'll admit we do seem to be converging on something anatomically possible.

no one likes to get dirty like the fastidious

That's pretty profound. I always wondered about the contrast between gay men's impeccable interior decorating tastes and the desire some of them have for sleazy public sex locations.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:05 PM
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107: I created a near simulacrum, but as far as I know no Senators used it (although it would have been highly appropriate, obviously), and we also drilled holes in the dividing wall, like civilized patriots.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:07 PM
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A standing bj situation probably requires a particular height ratio that I've never been in, with a super-short guy and a pretty tall kneeling girl.

I seem to recall being ridiculed in that earlier thread for thinking that the standing blowjob would be less comfortable for the typical woman than the lying-down blowjob.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:07 PM
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AWB, how do you feel about people who do sit on the toilet and spray their excrement everywhere?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:11 PM
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109: Not by me, you weren't. Some tall chick, maybe.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:12 PM
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110: At least it doesn't then touch my person. Gross, yes, but horrifying? No.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:12 PM
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Jen's hoop skirt is pretty awesome, Sifu.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:13 PM
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Why was the pseud in 105 backwards? Or is that someone else?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:13 PM
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I am restraining myself from finding one of apo's links from a few weeks back. To sum up: don't be so sure, AWB!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:13 PM
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113: yes, thoroughly confused.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:15 PM
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Obviously because Skceb doesn't want Ekcif to find out that she's been seeing someone with a wide stance.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:15 PM
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Slate:

In the 1970s, some men frequenting the popular bathrooms at Bloomingdale's in New York would hide their legs by standing in a pair of shopping bags.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:18 PM
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108: you make it look like everyone needs to go to Burning Man at some point in life.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:18 PM
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So my question is: if I adopt a wide stance when shitting in public restrooms, will people come on to me?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:19 PM
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119: it was the promise of semi-anonymous blowjobs that did it for you? Fair enough. Not everybody can be a low-slung senator.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:21 PM
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120: don't make me do that google image search, Brock. Please don't.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:22 PM
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121: it was the SUNSETS, damnit, the SUNSETS! That, and the walks on the beach. The beautiful women might have made an impression too.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:29 PM
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So my question is: if I adopt a wide stance when shitting in public restrooms, will people come on to me?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:31 PM
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124: in my mind, there is no meaningful difference between the quote with or without the strike.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:35 PM
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Ejaculating on a person can make for a memorable pick-up line.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:36 PM
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125: so, what's your si-- whoah, ha ha, here, I have a tissue right here. Heh. So, you wearing panties?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:36 PM
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"I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 6:53 PM
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118: I want to say that I stand corrected, but...it was the 70s.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:07 PM
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Am I the only one who thinks that standing in shopping bags would make intercourse rather noisy? Paper rustles.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:09 PM
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The problem with 108's near simulacrum is that it isn't dangerous. Sifu. I mean really.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:10 PM
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Luck to ya, but I'll keep relying on the trusty shoe.

The germs are going to jump off that shoe and run straight up your leg, and if you try washing it in the sink AWB will see you put you on the list.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:20 PM
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will see you and put you on the list.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:22 PM
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130: See 81. Everyone else on this thread just stands stock-still, apparently.


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 7:53 PM
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Thank you, Anderson. I am glad to be pwned. The rest of you are gullible or deaf.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:20 PM
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I'm both!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:23 PM
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[inaudible to Sifu Tweety!]


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:25 PM
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118: Completely vindicated.

Look, you people are all either remarkably unadventerous, sexually, or else you're incredible liars. It's perfectly possible for a guy standing while someone is blowing him not to move around; for a lot of people having to be quiet during sex makes it hotter. None of you remember high school? And it's perfectly *impossible* for a normal-sized adult squatting on a toilet seat--even using their hands--to lower themselves enough to blow someone standing in front of them who isn't fucking seven feet tall. Maybe Ogged can blow Labs that way, between Labs's height and his enormous cock, but that kind of lucky coincidence isn't going to just stroll along in every public bathroom, you know.

And finally, it is not that hard for an average sized woman to blow an average sized guy in the kneeling/standing position. I am not going to provide pictures to prove it, but trust me.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:32 PM
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I always figured the between-stalls action required laying on the floor, but what do I know.

One thing I did learn from the construction in 108 is that the variety of positions available to willing couples -- even in highly constricted environments -- is quite extraordinary. You wouldn't believe some of the places we found e.g. footprints.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:35 PM
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an average sized woman to blow an average sized guy in the kneeling/standing position. I am not going to provide pictures to prove it

I am led to believe that pictures of this very circumstance may already be available online. Just turn off "safesearch" on google.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:40 PM
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Re. trusty shoe: I have always flushed with my foot as well, and I now see the error of my ways and shall never do so again, since--after all--I wash my hands after flushing, like all civilized human beings.

140: Good point.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:46 PM
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And it's perfectly *impossible* for a normal-sized adult squatting on a toilet seat--even using their hands--to lower themselves enough to blow someone standing in front of them who isn't fucking seven feet tall

Will the fact-free bullshit ever end on Unfogged? What my trusty cock and tape measure have just demonstrated to me:

The base of my cock is 35" from the ground.
My toilet seat is 15" off the ground.

Now mark a spot on your wall 20" off the ground, get down on your hands and knees (you dirty slut) and tell me that it would be impossible to get something at that height into your mouth.

It's not. The end. Suck it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:57 PM
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You would be on your hands and knees on the toilet seat?

That doesn't sound hygienic.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 8:59 PM
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That doesn't sound hygienic.

As opposed to which other aspect of sucking a stranger's cock in a public restroom?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:01 PM
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my trusty cock

Reliably self-blocked. It's true. We pretty much have to believe anything ogged's trusty cock says.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:04 PM
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Now mark a spot on your wall 20" off the ground, get down on your hands and knees (you dirty slut) and tell me that it would be impossible to get something at that height into your mouth.

Dude, that's about a foot and a half. Unlike you most of us are not as thin as paper, and cannot, as adults, fold ourselves into that kind of accordion shape. Especially if you imagine trying to balance on a slippery fucking toilet seat. Especially if you differentiate between "getting something at that height into your mouth" and "actually giving a half-decent blow job."

Really, I know it's hard to imagine when you've never had a blow job, but what you can imagine and what's actually doable in real life are not the same thing. The shopping bag/blocking door with luggage plan is much, much more practical and enjoyable for everyone involved.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:05 PM
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Did you mark a spot on your wall, B, or are you still fact-free?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:07 PM
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What if you kneeled in the toilet?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:09 PM
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Dude, that's about a foot and a half.

A foot and two-thirds.

Honestly. A foot and a half. Amazing.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:11 PM
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147: I am not going to go marking up my walls and crouching in my living room just because you've never had your cock sucked, Ogged. And if you think I'm fact-free when it comes to cock-sucking, well, just ask around.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:12 PM
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You are so utterly pwned on this, B. I will now savor the vindication that I know everyone else recognizes.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:14 PM
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In fact! Tell you what, Mr. Ogged. Go get some tubular item--a banana, a bottle of hair product, whatever--and staple one end of it to your wall at 20 inches from the ground. Then place your feet and, if you wish, hands, approximately where you think the outlines of a toilet seat would be in front of it--I'll trust your judgment here, you needn't go trace your toilet seat onto a piece of paper--crouch down (after all, we're thinking of men sucking this cock here, not 5'4" women) and suck it for oh, say, five minutes.

Then let us know how sexy it was.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:16 PM
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151, see 152.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:16 PM
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152:Then let us know how sexy it was.

I'm not sure I can handle that much sexy.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:19 PM
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152: Hahahahahahahahha.

So totally sexy.

My wife runs out to the living room to find out why the hell I'm laughing so loudly. That was great Bitch, thank you.

The logistics of such a blow-job may work for some, and not for most, but the image you painted was hilarious.


Posted by: Roamsedge | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:40 PM
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Why thank you, Roamsedge.

Ogged, who's funny now? And who's pwned?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 9:59 PM
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The base of my cock is 35" from the ground.

Ah, but where is the *tip* of your cock, Ogged? We all want to know.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:00 PM
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I've given a blow job in a public restroom, though admittedly a private one that locked, not one with stalls, and I gotta say that I cannot imagine sucking cock the way ogged describes. I mean, it might be possible to get the cock into my mouth, but to give a blow job to orgasm? Awfully hard. I can't imagine getting on my hands and knees (and what, turning my head sideways to get the cock in my mouth?) on a toilet seat for five minutes. If I imagine squatting with my feet on the seat (also very hard to envision doing comfortably for five minutes), I couldn't lean over to get the cock in my mouth without losing my balance. And if I'm supporting my squat by using my hands to prop myself on the seat or the walls or the man I can't use them for the blow job, and I certainly wouldn't have the freedom of movement I'd need for a good one. What is perfectly comfortable/sane is sitting on the toilet--good angles, no hair in your face, etc.


Posted by: Martha Washington | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:00 PM
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All I know is I'm going to be using the phrase "tubular item" an awful lot more.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:00 PM
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Why do these deformed midgets keep sucking Ogged's cock?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:05 PM
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160: jihad?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:06 PM
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B, your desperation amuses me. 158 is irrelevant, and you made Roamsedge's wife laugh. Glad you're happy.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:07 PM
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I've only had gay lady-sex in a public bathroom, and, well, it's really hard to concentrate when you're drunk. Both parties left unsatisfied and annoyed.


Posted by: Mary Todd Lincoln | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:08 PM
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Quite a meetup pending ...


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:10 PM
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The problem with sex in a public bathroom is that somebody always comes in, and then what do you do? For the private locking ones, people line up outside, and then how do you explain the two of you going out together?

These are the reasons that I was unable to get it up either time. Danger, not sexy!


Posted by: I really wish I didn't have to be Presidential | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:11 PM
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158 is irrelevant

So much for mister facts, then.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:13 PM
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166: I always thought Mister Facts was taller?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:13 PM
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165: Ugh, yes. Except when the door doesn't sufficiently lock, and someone walks in on you, and later, when you're standing around in the bar, one of your friend's friends comes up and bitches about how disgusting people who fuck in bathrooms are, because apparently she didn't get a good look at who was in there, and you feel the (horrible, disgustingly honest) need to say, "Oh, uh, yeah, that was me, and I apologize. Terrible mistake. So sorry." Then the shame sets in.


Posted by: Mary Todd Lincoln | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:15 PM
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No, no, Tweety; "integrity" does not mean "tall."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:15 PM
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I'm going to pretend that you're arguing in good faith, B: a locking bathroom solves the main problem for Craig & Friends: that of four feet on the floor. That's what what I've described addresses. Objections that it's not "sexy," given the totality of conditions, seem pretty silly.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:15 PM
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Danger, not sexy? Social queasiness, not sexy, sure. But danger is canonically sexy!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:16 PM
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He means beware the danger that it won't be sexy.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:17 PM
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The idea of danger is a lot sexier than actual danger. Thanks, porn, for getting that confused for me!


Posted by: Mary Todd Lincoln | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:17 PM
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170: The objection is that it would be uncomfortable and awkward to the point of being completely impractical from a hotness standpoint. There's a new objection now, too, which is that for someone who's claimed that what matters here is facts, you seem remarkably ready to dismiss the experience of people who have actually given blow jobs about what would and would not work.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:19 PM
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172: Ohhhhh.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:20 PM
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You are truly hopeless. I now retire from the field of squabble.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:20 PM
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174: he just wants proof they've actually given blowjobs, is all.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:21 PM
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But if one person is standing in a bag, ge, you only have two visible feet on the floor, and you get the comfortable blow job position. Plus, it's more plausible that someone sitting on the toilet is going to take a long time than someone standing in front of it.


Posted by: Martha Washington | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:21 PM
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157: Stapled to the wall.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:21 PM
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173: exactly. Danger is sexy when you safely and comfortably watch it on TV. Also, it can be sexy in retrospect, once you're safe and comfortable.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:21 PM
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I've only had gay lady-sex in a public bathroom

Mary Todd Lincoln is a Carolina Panthers cheerleader!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:22 PM
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Also, taboo is sexy. Violating a taboo in a safe and comfortable setting is hot.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:23 PM
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Now what if Senator Craig were to stand on his roll-aboard, and lean forward, bracing his arms against the wall above his special friend's head, and the special friend, in turn, were to lay down face-up on top of the toilet seat, with his legs propped comfortably up on the wall?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:24 PM
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I now retire from the field of squabble

meet

I will now savor the vindication that I know everyone else recognizes.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:26 PM
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it can be sexy in retrospect, once you're safe and comfortable

Yeah, I think it can go either way: it can be sexy at the time and then very unsexy afterwards, when the actuality of the danger sinks in, or terrifying at the time and sexy (or at least arousing) afterwards.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:27 PM
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Where to start? Standing in a shopping bag is a clever idea, but I'd never heard of it before today. Assuming that you're concerned about discovery, the basic rule is that whatever you're doing, somebody is sitting on the toilet. Probably you stop with the grinding when others are in the restroom. Maybe somebody lifts their feet. But maybe not. I mean, consider your own cluelessness. Has it ever occurred to you to count feet?


Posted by: George Washington | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:27 PM
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Which one would be Senator Craig? (nsfw)


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:28 PM
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I mean, consider your own cluelessness. Has it ever occurred to you to count feet?

Humans don't have to explicitly count numbers lower than six (give or take, depending on the person).


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:28 PM
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187 is awesome. Presumably Senator Craig's position would depend on whether he were substantially lighter or stronger than his special friend.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:29 PM
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Wait, I have it! Senator Craig's friend stands in front of the toilet seat, as normal, and Senator Craig does a handstand on the seat, resting his feet comfortably against the wall.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:29 PM
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Two of the hottest makings-out in which I have had the pleasure of participating took place on a stopped el train and upstairs at the Subterranean during a Gogol Bordello concert. Probably for the best that the latter didn't progress all that much but man, the former. Ah well.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:29 PM
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Has it ever occurred to you to count feet?

Only when confronted with a large number of sheep.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:30 PM
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I just did a handstand against the wall, with my hands approximately the same distance apart as they'd be on a toilet seat. So obviously 190 is the proper solution.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:31 PM
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it can be sexy at the time and then very unsexy afterwards, when the actuality of the danger sinks in, or terrifying at the time and sexy (or at least arousing) afterwards.

When I was five years younger, everything I did was the latter. Now that I have sat around thinking about all those experiences, everything ends up the former. I miss being shameless.


Posted by: Mary Todd Lincoln | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:33 PM
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Only when confronted with a large number of sheep.

What public bathrooms are you cruising, w-lfs-n?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:34 PM
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191: Were they strangers, Ben? Did you know their names?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:34 PM
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Now I'm imagining 190 executed imperfectly in a port-a-potty (upper body strength being lacking), and the resulting blue/brown gradient of the Senator's head. Thanks, disgusting-ass brain, I really needed that image!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:35 PM
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197 cracks my shit up.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:36 PM
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Couldn't someone sitting on a toilet seat while performing fellatio also lift his/her legs off the ground and either wrap them around their partner or brace them against the door of the stall? I don't see why contortion is necessary.


Posted by: ed bowlinger | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:36 PM
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196: no, I was dating this person. (Same on each occasion.)


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:37 PM
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What public bathrooms are you cruising, w-lfs-n?

Welsh public bathrooms.

According to Bert Jansch, Welsh people don't sing folk songs.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:38 PM
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Imagine a port-a-potty shaped like a bear.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:38 PM
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201: because they're too busy giving head in public bathrooms? Oh, those rustic, simple folk. No wonder they're language uses so many consonants.

"say, what was your name again?"

"wllfllmmfllwggn"

"ah."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:39 PM
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AAAAAAGH KILL YOU "they're"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:40 PM
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Funny enough, either there or their could conceivably work.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:41 PM
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Also, either use or mention.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:41 PM
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When I give up not-blogging, I will be tempted to call it "Wide Stance." It will be a blog about hilariously absurd denials of carnality.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:42 PM
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201: "How was the tearoom scene tonight?"

"Not baa-a-a-a-a-d."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:43 PM
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I wonder if ogged would like this song.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:44 PM
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But the joke! The joke was good.

( wracking sobs; white-knuckled fists clutching semicolons; stabbed eyes;;;;;;;; blood )


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:44 PM
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How have we come this far in a discussion of bathroom blowjobs without once mentioning the blumpkin? Isn't that sort of the gold standard here?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:49 PM
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I had no idea that standing fellatio was such a mystery to straight people. Poor straight people. This business of giving head while squatting/kneeling on a toilet seat? Daft. Squatting might put you right for some nipple fiddling, but being on your hands and knees, on a toilet? You don't need to measure the height of anything; try measuring the length of the toilet seat, and then the length between your knees and hands.

As for bag-rustling, get yourself a big bag, plant your feet in it, and then lean back against the wall/door. You can have yourself a fine time without so much thrusting and resulting bag-rustling.

Also: the contrast between gay men's impeccable interior decorating tastes and the desire some of them have for sleazy public sex locations.

grr.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:50 PM
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Isn't that sort of the gold standard here?

Maybe for you, Brock.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:54 PM
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the contrast between gay men's impeccable interior decorating tastes and the desire some of them have for sleazy public sex locations. to use threatening animal onomatopoeia in response to glib stereotyping in threads about cruisey public bathrooom sex involving sitting (or possibly bag-standing) U.S. Senators

... is striking!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:55 PM
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207: Shit!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 10:58 PM
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Let a thousand flowers bloom, AWB.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:00 PM
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sitting (or possibly bag-standing) U.S. Senators

"And so the committee entreats you: are you now, or have you ever been, a Bag Stander?"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:00 PM
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Created in 2002. Prescient!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:03 PM
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Threatening? ... I don't think anybody's ever called me threatening before.

I like it!

(Stay back, bitches, or you might get fucked up! Yeah. How you like THAT for threatening?! Grrrrrr!)


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:07 PM
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God damn it, cerebrocrat.

I still maintain that my way would be better! You crazy gays have to carry bags around. Freaky!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:09 PM
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grr

There, there. Lower the dimmer on your fabulous lamp, light yourself an aromatic candle, and meditate on your coffee table collection of tasteful but unique tchotchkes.

And if that doesn't work, just ring up a friend and ask him to meet you in the nearest gas station washroom.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:11 PM
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widestance.museum is still available.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:11 PM
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As is wide_stance.blogspot.com. And after all, you'd totally *want* to space between the two words, now, wouldn't you?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:14 PM
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I still maintain that my way would be better!

See rule 3.

And yes, I am relishing this like it was made of sweet, sweet pickles.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:16 PM
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Begging your pardon, that would be Rule 3.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:17 PM
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Would you guys quit arguing? I'm trying to give a blowjob in here and it's terribly distracting.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:20 PM
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It occurs to me that As for bag-rustling, get yourself a big bag, plant your feet in it, and then lean back against the wall/door might have created the wrong impression. Anonymous bathroom shopping-bag sex: icky. Not condoned. Just want that on the record.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:20 PM
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B's victory lap may inaugurate a new definition of weiner-pwnage.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:21 PM
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Would you guys quit arguingfuck already?

There, fixed that for you.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:22 PM
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Mmmmmm, I'm enjoying this nice, thick hot dog--spread with lots and lots of relish--in a proper sitting position.

Ogged, want one? Here, I'll balance it for you on a little shelf twenty inches above the ground; you can crouch there like a good boy and eat it the way we know you prefer.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:22 PM
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you can crouch there like a good boy

If he hadn't stapled his penis to the wall.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:24 PM
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Apostropher: resident expert on penis staples.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 08-29-07 11:46 PM
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My expertise doesn't match this guy.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 12:09 AM
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A female friend, a newspaper reporter, once confided thusly:

- Hot sometime-lover who lived in another city disclosed travel plans with flight change in her hometown. Sorry; no time to leave airport -- will get together another time.
- She secretly called airport, press credentials blah blah, arranged use of one of the airport conference rooms for "interview".
- Hot s-l landed, heard himself paged, answered, proceeded to info desk and then conference room. Surprise!
- Wild sex on table, on floor, against wall; unlocked door added danger spice. (For all I know, standing blowjob too.)
- exeunt all

I note that because of 9/11 and TSA, this is no longer possible in most airports. The terrorists have truly won.


Posted by: joel hanes | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 12:16 AM
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Ok - the Senator is gay/bisexual despite his anti-gay political stance - he wants to keep his job.
Don't we all want to keep our jobs? Haven't we all been come out with the odd hypocritical remark to keep in favour with the boss? Perhaps not as frequently as the Senator but still......
Ok - he's been very, very silly - he panicked and pled guilty to a misdemeanour.
Who on this site has not done something very silly and not panicked?
Now I know this is not going to happen - but I do wish, despite being anti-Republican, that he would admit to being foolish and would run again for election. Who knows - even in Idaho he might be re-elected?


Posted by: Herr Torquewrench | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 12:29 AM
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Now mark a spot on your wall 20" off the ground, get down on your hands and knees (you dirty slut) and tell me that it would be impossible to get something at that height into your mouth.

good god, the man is an idiot.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 12:36 AM
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234: exeunt all pursued by a bear

Over 230 comments and no one references Confederacy of Dunces? "Them policemen is all communiss!"

The Greater Minneapolis Convention and Visitors Association encourages you to check out the city's many fine tearooms and cruising spots, including Loring Park, Wilson Library and Willey Hall.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 5:35 AM
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235: I wish he would run again too. It would be nice to have a Democratic senator from Idaho.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 5:41 AM
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The base of my cock is 35" from the ground.
My toilet seat is 15" off the ground.

Now mark a spot on your wall 20" off the ground, get down on your hands and knees (you dirty slut) and tell me that it would be impossible to get something at that height into your mouth.

It's not. The end. Suck it.

It is probably a good thing that Salon didn't read this comment prior to describe Unfogged.

Unfogged: a wonky site about blowjob logistics, popular with slightly twisted people.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 5:57 AM
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238: He'd still win.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 7:15 AM
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I guess "public indecency" isn't inherently homophobic. But surely sting operations in men's bathrooms are.

Bah. Get a room. They can't bust you for that anymore. Supreme Court and all.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 7:22 AM
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Over 230 comments and no one references Confederacy of Dunces?

Too busy debating the grassy knoll of blowjob logistics! No time for the classics!

"We always hang in a buffalo wide stance.
We do the dive every time we dance.
I'll give you love baby not romance.
I'll make a move nothing left to chance ...


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 7:33 AM
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235: It's a bit more than "the odd hypocritical remark to keep in favour with the boss," isn't it? Fuck that guy. Yeah, I do want to keep my job. For that reason I didn't major in and then climb the professional ladder of Fuckwad Studies.

My own career as a fuckwad has been distinctly amateur. I'm not trying to be pissy with you, I just get pissy about queer people who use the rest of us as their favorite scapegoats. I actually do see your point, I just disagree and it's hard for me to express that without getting angry at the subjects of those conversations, the Gannons and Craigs and mayors of Spokane and Congressional reps from Virginia and on and on and on, and sounding like I'm directing it at my conversational partners rather than the subjects themselves. I'm not sure why I get so overwrought about it outside the obvious, purely selfish reasons, though I suspect it has to do with what it says about privilege and race and class - these guys almost always seem to be rich and white and it's hard for me to escape an assumption that they simply think it's their right to have whatever they want, when they want it, and who the fuck died and said they got to get blowjobs without showing their face at Pride first - and what it says about working and fighting for equality and what's been accomplished and what hasn't and it all stings pretty deep.

As to the homophobia of busting men in tearooms, yeah, a part of me sees it as pathetic and sad; seriously, fish in a barrel. On the other hand, a part of me thinks it's really, really okay to actively discourage risky, anonymous sex in public places where bystanders are made party to it. I don't feel terribly oppressed by that.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 7:45 AM
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who the fuck died and said they got to get blowjobs without showing their face at Pride first

I love this. It really does seem like a reasonable fee for membership.


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 8:25 AM
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12 is so, so awesome.


Posted by: alif sikkiin | Link to this comment | 08-30-07 12:37 PM
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