Re: Ring My Bell

1

Ha! I never thought I could have a clitoral hard-on for mormons....but here I am...


Posted by: Thinking in type | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:51 PM
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That's pretty fantastic, Becks. More religious sects should put out nude calendars!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:52 PM
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3

Whoa, hey now, naked dude on my work computer.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:54 PM
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I don't know why, but all the Mormons I knew growing up were jaw-droppingly hot. Lots of them went on missions and got excommunicated for getting sucked into orgy-and-drug scenes. Maybe it's best to head that off by having open discussions about Mormon hottness and its effect on average citizens before releasing them into the wild?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:55 PM
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5

They've come a long way since The Mormon Rap.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:57 PM
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6

Is it NSFW? I thought they were just shirtless. I didn't check it out because I'm too busy.

If they were in Temple garments, I'd be really floored.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 12:58 PM
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7

On the other hand, Mormon erotica.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:00 PM
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8

Heh. I have fond memories of skinnydipping with Mormon missionaries in Samoa. Amazing language skills.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:00 PM
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9

Amazing language skills.

Nice euphemism, LB.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:01 PM
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10

I'm impressed that, when you look at their individual pictures, they heighten the disturbing dissonance by making them look extra-dorky in their missionary gear and then give them super-porny hairstyles when shirtless.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:01 PM
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11

Amazing language skills.

A silver tongue, so to speak.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:02 PM
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9: Sadly, no. No shenanigans (unless mere skinnydipping counts), just respect for their ability to show up in Samoa already speaking Samoan.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:03 PM
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13

Cunning linguists.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:03 PM
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14

Might this sort of advertising lead to rampant sexual advances on cute missionaries by Hell-bound horny bell-ringees?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:04 PM
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15

Last year I saw Trapped by the Mormons (the recent silent remake, not the original 1922 Mormxploitation movie).


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:08 PM
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Skinnydipping counts as a shenanigan for Mormon missionaries. Nakedness and swimming, both forbidden.

I admit I still have a set of the black nametags and possibly even a pair of temple garments and could possibly be talked into acting something out, IYKWIM.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:10 PM
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16: This, as a Craigslist ad, would get you very much laid, dude.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:12 PM
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"Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, and deliver this pizza..." (fuzzy bass begins in the background)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:12 PM
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19

Getting laid via Craigslist is not difficult.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:13 PM
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20

LB, Instead of a therapist or amphetamines, try this CD by Jon Kabat Zinn.

Okay, now I'll shut up. But still, get back to work.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:17 PM
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21

"Hey, you're not the usual cabana boy...."


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:17 PM
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22

I prefer unposed Mormom sex.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:17 PM
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23

More mom sex! Yeah!


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:17 PM
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24

OT bleg: does anyone know of a super cheap set of headphones with a long cord. I like to listen to audio either in libraries or at my home computer, which lacks an external speaker, and I've lost my old ones. The cord was too short though, so I had to angle myself just right to keep them in my ears, since the plug is in the back of the tower.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:20 PM
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Not super cheap, but cheap for the quality: Grado SR-60. About $60, sound like they cost 3x that much, the cord is about 6' long (which is a bit annoying to use with an iPod).

Or get a pair of whatever and an extension cord at Radio Shack.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:22 PM
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I just want to chime in with the others to STRONGLY ENCOURAGE main page posters to append NSFW labels wherever called for. I've been informed there is some kind of automated "sniffer" that checks for inappropriate sites around here.

23 wins the best-imitation-of-Heebie award for the thread.


Posted by: marcus | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:27 PM
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Yeah, an extension cord should cost about $9 at Radio Shack.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:27 PM
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28

23 wins the best-imitation-of-Heebie award for the thread.

You're so banned.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:37 PM
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29

I love how the MeFi discussion turns to whether it's hotter to jerk it to pics of hot priests, or if the celibacy thing makes it too tragic to be truly hott.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:49 PM
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30

Wasn't there a calendar of hot Vatican priests somewhere around here, maybe chez apostropher? Father What-A-Waste, we girls used to call them.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:53 PM
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31

Yes, there was, but all those links seem to be dead now.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:55 PM
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32

According to the MeFi thread, it's here.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:56 PM
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33

June of 2007 features a smoky-eyed dolly petting a pussycat.

I have to out more.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 1:58 PM
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34

I have to out more.

Yeah, get those gays out of the closet!


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:00 PM
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35

Wow, October 2007 is a dead ringer for my dalliance of April.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:01 PM
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36

Lots of them went on missions and got excommunicated for getting sucked into orgy-and-drug scenes.

How much of this stuff do you make up, AWB?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:05 PM
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37

What do you mean? I worked in the restaurant business. Lots of ex-Mormons work in restaurants and do drugs. I was 14 and gullible, though, so maybe they were lying.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:06 PM
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I would just be surprised if *a lot* of the Mormons on missions were being sucked into orgy and drug scenes. That would be hard to cover up, and I imagine the church would do something about it.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:10 PM
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I think part of it is that these are Mormons in Kansas, fairly isolated from any big Mormon community. So they're raised knowing that their values are not shared by anyone else, and they watch everyone else have a great time and get away with it. I think they're more likely to go on to fuck it up than Western US Mormons, who have more of a community to support them.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:13 PM
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40

By cheap, I mean $12-15 dollars total for both the headset and the extension.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:17 PM
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41

I was once on a jumbo jet with a couple of missionaries on their way to spend two years or something like that in Moscow. They'd had six weeks of training in Russian. They spent the entire flight making eye-babies with any females who'd listen to them and then melodramatically avoiding hugs. They were trying way too hard.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:22 PM
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42

Mormons don't hug?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:24 PM
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43

I have a friend who was a Mormon missionary in Germany who, first thing after his flight took off from Salt Lake, went to the lavatory and jerked off.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:28 PM
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44

I don't think that a lot of Mormon missionaries get involved in orgies and drugs. Just a few hundred every year, maybe a couple of thousand. Or a few thousand, maybe. Not ten thousand, though, I don't think, though what do I know? Maybe ten or twenty thousand.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:32 PM
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45

43: Are Mormons not allowed to jerk off in Salt Lake City?


Posted by: zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:32 PM
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46

Mormons don't jerk off?

For the first time ever, I am deeply glad that I was raised Baptist.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:33 PM
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47

I have a Catholic friend who claims he's never masturbated. I think I believe him.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:37 PM
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48

Wait how do I get pulled into the orgy scene? Do I have to get pulled into the drug scene as well?


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:38 PM
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49

No. Or at least, they're not supposed to. And some actually don't. I was "pure" the whole two years of my mission. And I have a couple of friends who (believably) report that they held out entirely until they were 23 or 24.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 2:51 PM
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50

You don't want to join the orgy scene, do you? You'll have to get orgy friends, and always wear robes...


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:00 PM
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51

You don't want to join the orgy scene

Heck if I know. I was mostly curious how one gets pulled into it. Do the Mormons go up to the house during an orgy and someone grabs them by the tie?


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:02 PM
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52

There are lots of orgy venues in my neighborhood. My best friend keeps trying to get me to go to a rather famous all-girl one down the street (nudity mandatory) with her, but too many of my old students frequent that scene. That would suck a lot.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:08 PM
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53

too many of my old students frequent that scene. That would suck a lot.

Really? Better than running into current students, at least.


Posted by: Matt F | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:11 PM
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54

No one ever invites me to orgies. There are probably orgy venues in my current neighborhood, and no one tells me.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:15 PM
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55

My first crush was E., who sat beside me all through grade 7 music class, sat one whole table away from me at lunch in grade 8, and was in the same grade 9 English and Math classes with me. He was just starting to notice that I existed when my family moved to another city. *sigh*

I Googled him a few weeks ago and found out not only that he was now in my city, but that he works just a 15 minute walk from my house. Yes, he's my parish priest. I have friends encouraging me to go to confession and tell him everything (and make up some extra scandalous stuff just for fun) but it's been years since my last confession and I'm sure the critical mass of sin I'm carrying around will leave nothing of him but an empty cassock and a pair of smoking tennis shoes.

So what should I do instead?


Posted by: Mary | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:18 PM
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56

55: Eek! Mary, I think the only answer is to ask him over to watch El crimen del padre Amaro with you. The movie's not that great, but maybe you won't get through the whole thing.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:20 PM
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57

Confess some small things with your hand in your pants?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:21 PM
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58

That's hysterical. But messing with him would be wrong. Fun, sounds like, but wrong.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:21 PM
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59

I have a Catholic friend who claims he's never masturbated.

Wait, not "I never masturbated until" but "I have never, and still do not, masturbate because I think it's a sin"?!?!?

Where the hell did you find this crazy person?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:24 PM
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60

58 gets it exactly right. So, so wrong.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:27 PM
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61

AWB seems to have posted 52 from some Cinemax or direct-to-DVD movie.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:32 PM
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62

A famous all girl orgy venue. In real life.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:33 PM
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63

There is more in Brooklyn, Horatio, than is dreamt of in your philosophy.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:34 PM
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64

Oh, I'm not so badly lapsed that I would actually mess with him. It's not just that he's a priest, damn it, he was (and presumably is) a pretty nice guy. Bad actions, bad karma.

But maybe this is a sign from God (if s/he exists) or someone who works with him, that I'm supposed to go confess to someone else (or bit by bit to several someone elses, given my critical mass of sin and all). It's just such an odd coincidence, and I am at a crossroads in my life with a bushel basket of regrets. I don't have faith and have never had faith, but maybe I need to confess to someone just to slough off a shitload of guilt so I can actually start doing things right without feeling absolutely bogged down.


Posted by: Mary | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:35 PM
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65

Ah. Well, it's not a sign from god, but if you're at a crossroads and looking for a catalyst, then take it: why not?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:37 PM
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66

Just checking, because of the duplicate name possibility: you're not tall Australian Mary? Or are you and I just didn't know you were either Catholic or old enough to have built up a burden of sin.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:38 PM
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67

I'm sorry, Mary. I didn't mean to pornolyze an actual crisis of faith.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:38 PM
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68

63: Some religious group which has recently been advertising on the subways has been using the original of that quote, and it bothers me in a way I haven't managed to find the words to explain.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:38 PM
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69

With mandatory nudity.

Oh, these things have been dreamt of in my philosophy. It is the finding it in Brooklyn part that leaves me reeling.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:39 PM
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70

I think it is the same Mary. Go confess, why not?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:40 PM
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71

I was just watching some YouTube tour of late night NY that featured a club where you got free drinks if you checked your pants at the door.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:41 PM
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72

It's probably a sign from God that your schoolgirl crush is gay.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:41 PM
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73

Or, go look up your old friend to reconnect, and ask for a referral for someone else to confess to.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:42 PM
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74

69: Leibniz was right. This is the best of all possible worlds. In Brooklyn.


Posted by: zadfrack | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:42 PM
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75

Brooklyn -- a complete microcosm of humanity.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:43 PM
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76

Aw, you guys can also be so sweet. Yes, I just might see if I can get hooked up with (err -- referred to) another confessor.

66: Not tall and Aussie, sorry.

67: No worries*. My initial impulse was to play it up for laughs, so it was easy to play along with that.

(*Still not Aussie. It's just such a useful phrase.).

70: No. Really. A different Mary. Short and Canadian.


Posted by: Mary | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:45 PM
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77

Some people have much more fun than I do. One of my students told me that there had been a big "anything but clothes" party on campus last year. She went in Saran wrap.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:46 PM
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78

Goddamn, I live in Brooklyn but still never get invited to orgies.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:47 PM
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79

41: They said they weren't supposed to touch women or be touched by women, even hugs. Maybe they were just playing really, really hard to get. I seem to recall this being confirmed by a coffeeshop friend from a few years ago who was a post-op MTF trans man who would say with a leer, "Oh, they don't touch women, certainly." She said she had worked in a Mormon cheese factory in her days as a man.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:48 PM
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70: No. Really. A different Mary. Short and Canadian.

Of course. Example.com is *not* the same as puzzling.org. Sorry. I think I had them lumped in the "contain letters from the far end of the alphabet" group.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:48 PM
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81

Topless LDS Missionary calendars?! I really am shocked.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:48 PM
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82

I thought you weren't -- just wanted to check.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:49 PM
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83

No one ever invites me to orgies. There are probably orgy venues in my current neighborhood, and no one tells me.

You haven't tapped your toe the correct way.

I've done a couple of divorces for swingers. Wow, they have some funny stories.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:49 PM
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84

s/trans man/trans woman


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:49 PM
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85

Mormon cheese factory forsooth.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:50 PM
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86

Ive heard some great LDS mission stories about women attempting to seduce those poor young men. All of them refused, of course.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:50 PM
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87

post-op MTF trans man

Trans descriptors confuse the hell out of me. I never know if a 'trans man' is someone who started out male, or ended up male. I mean, it generally becomes clear from context but I still get cranky about it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:51 PM
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88

87 crossed with, and answered by, 84.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:52 PM
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89

87: It's good manners to refer to people as what they "ended up"--or if they're in transition or whatever, as what they're "pretending" or "intending" to be (and yeah, I know the language is offensive blah blah whatever). Think of it as basic Miss Manners stuff: you refer to people by the names they indicate they prefer to be called.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 3:56 PM
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90

That's my instinct, but in an ambiguous situation (that is where I'm not looking at the person's presentation, just reading about them) I get confused.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 4:00 PM
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91

If you're talking to decent human beings, they'll do the same thing you'd do. If you're talking to jerks, they'll do the opposite.

(I'm sounding kinda assholishly pedantic, for which I apologize; I got up at five this morning for a "sunrise hike" after two days of camping with PK's school and I'm just a wee bit bleary.)


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 4:10 PM
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92

I don't think the terms themselves have multiple meaning:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transwoman
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transman



Posted by: joeo | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 4:48 PM
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93

Yeah, I think people just innocently fuck up the usage (as Pants did above, and then corrected himself) enough to confuse me.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 4:55 PM
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94

I had Mormon missionaries at the door the other day.

them: "Would you like to talk about religion?"

me: "No, sorry, I'm not religious, but have a good day"

them: "You must have some interest in the deeper questions?"

me: "Sorry, I'm busy"

them: "But you must have interest in thinking a little bit, seriously, about the big questions in life?

me: "Perhaps I should explain to you that I'm a philosopher?* "

* sort of, if someone who has been teaching quite a bit in the last 5 years but hasn't taught for about 12 months and who has one [not very impressive] publication counts as a 'philosopher' ... I did feel slightly like fraud since I'm not currently paid for philosophizing.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 5:19 PM
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95

So did they take that as a yes or a no, ttaM?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 5:28 PM
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96

I am a little bitter that the missionary brainwashing took deeply enough with my nephew that he didn't come home for his mother's funeral. His call, and he's a very good kid, but it appears to have made the transition back into real life and his (very close) family quite a bit more challenging.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 5:29 PM
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97

I once told a woman that I didn't feel like witnessing Jehovah right now. She looked confused.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 5:31 PM
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98

I once made a serious strategic error by sharing fruit with a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses who came around while I was picking. We got a lot of visits for a little while there.


Posted by: DaveL | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 5:37 PM
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99

I was "pure" the whole two years of my mission.

Jiminy Christmas. That can't be good for you.

You really still have the holy drawers? Say, well, uh *cough* before you take your act to CraigsList, perhaps you'd want to find some nice folks from the community here for you to practice for/on/with, you know, among friends?


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 6:18 PM
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100

re: 95

tbh, I'm not sure they full got why I thought it was amusing.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 8:05 PM
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101

You really still have the holy drawers? Say, well, uh *cough* before you take your act to CraigsList, perhaps you'd want to find some nice folks from the community here for you to practice for/on/with, you know, among friends?

And you think nice, normal bathroom sex is bad?!?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 8:10 PM
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102

Normal bathroom sex, bad? Did I say that? If so, I'm sure I didn't mean it. And hey, I'm just trying to empower our community here. I'm all about the empowerment.

(but did you see how good the holy drawers looked on Patrick Wilson in Angels in America?! This is where fetishes come from.)


Posted by: cerebrocrat | Link to this comment | 09-14-07 10:53 PM
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103

Re: 96
My Dad didn't come home from his Mission when his father died of pancreatic cancer back in the '70s, and my uncles are still bitter about it. It's a point of pride for him, however.


Posted by: Sean | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 11:25 AM
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104

99:

(blushes)

(rings doorbell)


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 11:28 AM
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105

I was hustled on the street by a very cute JW. I was polite, as I always am (I've known two very nice JWs, neither of them named "Prince" or "Michael Jackson"), and as she turned and walked away a lacy slip peeked out below her skirt. She went to a car driven by another quite nice looking woman. Hmmmm, I said.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 11:40 AM
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106

They once approached me on campus.

Missionary: "Would you like to hear about the Church of Jesu-"
Me: "No, I wouldn't, I already have a religion. It's funny, though, my parents' Christian denomination believes we're both in a cult."
Missionary: *walks away*

A few years ago they rang at a very sincere and down-to-earth Christian friend's door. It was the blazing heat of August and she invited them in with the caveat that she would be glad to talk religion with them but they had to understand that she already had a set of beliefs. They were willing to ditch the hard sell in favor of AC until she asked them if they wanted anything to drink. "I've got milk in the fridge," she said, then paused, then went on, "It's decaf." They got offended and went back out into the heat.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 11:56 AM
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107

My son's almost-father-in-law is a militant atheist. He'd invite missionaries in to argue religion until his wife made him stop.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:03 PM
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108

re: 107

Yeah, I used know a guy [former flat-mate of a friend] who had been training to be a missionary prior to a crisis of faith caused by his fiancée running of with someone else.

He used to invite them in and then trash them. He could read Hebrew and New Testament Greek, had studied theology and was able to just rip most of these guys apart. It was a sadistic bit of revenge for him.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:06 PM
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109

Have I mentioned here the time I was approached by a quartet of baptist hotties?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:26 PM
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110

You mean four attractive Baptists in the same place? No such thing.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:30 PM
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111

Correct response:

What you have to say is very interesting, and I'd love to be able to discuss these things in depth. However, I'd prefer a more private setting. I know you can't go to bars, so one of you should come to my place".


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:31 PM
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112

Emerson thinks small.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:34 PM
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113

Old joke frequently retold by my relatives: "Wherever you find four Baptists you're bound to find a fifth."


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:43 PM
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You mean four attractive Baptists in the same place? No such thing.

They wanted me to come to their bible study group, but I demurred. When I finally convinced them that they weren't going to overcome my demurral through ineffective proselytizing, one of them asked me if I thought that, were I to die that day, I would ascend into heaven. I answered confidently that I did think that, so they asked me why I was so sure, whereupon I informed them that my people have a covenant with god, which seemed to give them pause.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:44 PM
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"I've got milk in the fridge," she said, then paused, then went on, "It's decaf."

Awesome.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:46 PM
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LB, I know these people. No foursome, because one would snitch out the others. ("I was too shocked to leave, but at least I didn't let him put it in like Susan and Linda did.")

What he should have said was "Come here some other time".


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:49 PM
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I've now listened to "A Very Cellular Song" all the way through about four times, without once having taken any notice of it.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 12:53 PM
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The Baptist tweener girls in my youth group were always getting together to talk about which boy in the group had the nicest cock for sucking. They were not making a secret of it, either.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:22 PM
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AWB, your cultural heritage is a rich one. The Lutheran doctrine is "Married couples are permitted to have sex, I guess".


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:34 PM
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That doesn't make sense, Emerson. Didn't Luther's Reformation largely grow out of a desire to get seriously laid?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:38 PM
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It was faute de mieux. Better to marry than to burn.

However, if you disagree you can make it your mission to set the actually existing Lutherans right. Part of it is that while sex itself is OK, being flamboyant and getting all excited are not.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:45 PM
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As I remember, during the Clinton hooha it came out as Baptist doctrine that blowjobs are not sex.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:46 PM
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"Pastor, I'm willing to have sex with my life, as is my duty, but she seems to always want me to make a big deal about it."


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:47 PM
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"wife"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:48 PM
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Silly JE. Clinton didn't have a hoohah.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:56 PM
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Monty Python had a go at this particular aspect of some types of Protestantism.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=47P59ha9k9s

Specifically the part from 7min or so on.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 1:58 PM
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Didn't Luther's Reformation largely grow out of a desire to get seriously laid?

No, that was Henry VIII's Reformation.

Speaking of which, I had a friend in college who was Episcopalian and intensely proud of it. I always thought it was a little funny, because it doesn't seem like the kind of denomination that a young person would have such a strong attachment to.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 2:28 PM
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Was he gay? The Episcopals are big on pageantry.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 2:29 PM
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No, very straight.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 3:51 PM
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very straight

That's code for "gay," Teo; don't confuse us.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 3:53 PM
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Okay, not very straight. But definitely not gay.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 3:54 PM
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That's still code for "gay". At this point, pretty much any way you characterize him becomes code for "gay". Thus explaining why he's proud of being an Episcopalian.

Seriously, my impression is that they're pretty cool on the politics and good works front, even if the social image is a little dull.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 4:09 PM
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Okay, not very straight. But definitely not gay.

Mouseover text.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 4:11 PM
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Either for the title image,or for the washington monthly link.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 4:13 PM
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Henry VIII had no difficulty getting laid. What he wanted was to get married (again). Martin Luther, on the other hand, would presumably have had some difficulty having sex with an ex-nun if he hadn't started the Reformation.


Posted by: Basil Valentine | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 7:00 PM
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132: Fair enough. He still wasn't attracted to Episcopalianism because of the pageantry; it was more just an identity thing, like this was what he happened to be and therefore he was proud of it.

My dad's family has all kinds of weird stereotypes about Episcopalians. Many of them were raised Episcopalian, so that might explain it. Still, not the sort of thing I would have expected.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 09-15-07 8:31 PM
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