Re: The L Word

1

Isn't Julia Allison the woman who shares an it-must-be-performance-art blog with her boyfriend? She has a dating column? That can't be good.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 11:56 AM
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I vote for the economist, especially #4. It's hard for me to imagine running into the problem the columnist describes, so my choice was a bit directed.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 11:57 AM
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Given the amount of time we spent apart, "I miss you" for a while was like saying "I love you", such that I may have rolled over one night and given shivbunny a hug and told him I missed him. Fortunately he knows I'm a loon.

MR cracks me up.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 11:57 AM
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And, of course, when to first say it and how often to say it thereafter are very different questions. First: when you're sure you mean it. Thereafter: whenever you think it.

Always,

Kahlil Gibran

I'm off to swim, bitches. Don't get my blog all sticky while I'm gone.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 11:59 AM
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1 - Yeah, that's her. She's also Editor-At-Large at The Enquirer, I think. Thanks for pointing out how far my linking standards are slipping. But we needed a post, dammit!


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 11:59 AM
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I wonder whether people have stronger memories of the first time they said "I love you" to someone (with romantic intent, I mean), or the first time someone said it to them.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:05 PM
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she broached the topic with, "I think I'm falling in love with you." Crickets. Five days later, she packed up her things (gutsy!). Two weeks after that, he confessed that he did love her. Guess what? She'd already moved on--to someone more emotionally available.

She didn't love him.


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:05 PM
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After my bad bad college relationship, in which "I love you" was pretty much a weapon, I don't really ever say it except to friends and family. Max and I had a brief treacly couple of weeks six months in during which we said it, but never again after that. And that brief treacly time was spurred by a lot of unpleasant thoughts about what assholes we both were, and "I love you" was a way of resigning ourselves to that mutual acceptance of assholishness.

I guess I can't really hear it from a romantic partner without hearing it as an expression of doubt or as a prophylactic against Bad Feelings.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:05 PM
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Never. If you ever say it, you'll just get hurt.

--Your friendly grouch, tweedledopey


Posted by: tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:20 PM
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For at least one value of "The L Word", it is a good idea to make it clear before the first date.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:25 PM
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I'm a lawyer?


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:28 PM
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I wonder whether people have stronger memories of the first time they said "I love you" to someone (with romantic intent, I mean), or the first time someone said it to them.

I don't remember either, though I know who my interlocutor must have been in both instances.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:30 PM
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Toward the end of the second bottle of wine.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:30 PM
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I've got to say it pretty soon after I start thinking it regularly. Otherwise, I start living in fear that I'm going to blurt it out at some inopportune moment.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:32 PM
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13: If her shirt's still on.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:33 PM
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Otherwise, I start living in fear that I'm going to blurt it out at some inopportune moment.

Been there, blurted that. But the time I did, it went well. (Well, other things eventually went badly, but saying "I love you", unplanned and endorphin-driven though it was, wasn't a mistake.)


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:35 PM
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pretty soon after I start thinking it regularly

So go ahead and tell me already, Blume. You wouldn't want to go blurting it out at UnfoggeDCon.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:37 PM
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I stand firmly behind the wise words of a Japanese sex manual we own, which explains that "woman is an irrational creature. A man reasons that, having once said 'I love you,' the statement is good unless he says that he hates her. But a woman wants to hear it again and again."


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:42 PM
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I was going to wait to tell you on your birthday!


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:43 PM
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"Sure, you love the person but this is economics and we think at the margin. Why did you say "I love you" right now rather than two minutes ago?"

The Economist is so damn sexy hott.


Posted by: asl | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:43 PM
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18: so the true secret of sexual dimorphism is finally revealed: Women have an `love you' meter, and men a toggle switch?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:44 PM
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This seems like something that can cause bonus stress in a relationship for no good reason. For example, someone with AWB's aversion to the phrase (and there are plenty of such people) coupled with someone who will take its absence as a reason to think that something's wrong - of course they'd say so if they love you, right?


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:44 PM
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but this is economics and we think at the margin.

The accurate translation is `... and we think marginally', I suspect.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:45 PM
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I was going to wait to tell you on your birthday!

Crap. Well, at least the wait is very nearly over.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:45 PM
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Depends what you mean by "I love you", doesn't it?

If you mean, "I want to spend eternity with you in a rose covered cottage with bluebirds flying round the door", then never might be a good time.

If you mean, "I'm going to throw an embarrassing scene if don't defer to my least whim", there's a case that your partner is better off warned.

If you mean, "You're a really important friend to me at the moment, and also I'd quite like to fuck you a lot", then that's fine - any time is as good as another.

Bear in mind that the odds against you both understanding it as meaning the same thing at the same time are probably worse than the Euro-lottery.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:46 PM
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"You're a really important friend to me at the moment, and also I'd quite like to fuck you a lot"

You silver-tongued devil, you.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:47 PM
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On an otherwise bleak day, 15 made me laff.


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:50 PM
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I was dopey high-school male:
She says, "I think I love you."
My response- "I think so too."
But she knew what I really meant.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:54 PM
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I think this 'wait 2 months to say "i love you'" is a terrible idea. I try to say it to a girl soon the first time meeting her, and thereafter at random unpredictable but frequent intervals. It should be the immediate feeling, not a description of how many limbs one would sacrifice for the other person.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:55 PM
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21: Apparently in Japan.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:56 PM
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oh yeah julia alison is fascinating.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:56 PM
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Everybody I love you, everybody I do
Though your heart is an answer
I need your love to get thru
When I tell you I love you
You can believe that it's true
(oh yes it is now)


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:57 PM
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I try to say it to a girl soon the first time meeting her, and thereafter at random unpredictable but frequent intervals like whenever she catches me stalking her.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:57 PM
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Before telling somebody you love them, you should test the waters by proclaiming that you ♥ them.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:58 PM
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I have developed a simple but fairly reliable checklist which allows you to work out if a particular piece of "pop-economics" writing, applying the economists' reasoning to everyday situations is likely to be meretricious, superficial horseshit or not. It goes thus:

1. Yes it is.

Scored against this checklist, I find the economists' answer wanting.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:58 PM
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4: Don't get my blog all sticky

The best time to say "I love you" is immediately after one has gotten a loved one's blog all sticky.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 12:59 PM
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37

Is that more or less significant than saying you <3 them?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:00 PM
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A college friend of mine hooked up with a girl who was really into him, but for whom he had no especially strong feelings. She pauses mid-fellatio, looks up, and says "I love you." He pats her on the head and says "You're great, too." She bites his member as hard as she can, then storms out.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:01 PM
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Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!

Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
Do you love me!?
Will you love me forever!?
Do you need me!?
Will you never leave me!?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life!?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife!?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me!!!?
Will you love me forever!!!?

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:01 PM
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35: You can't be that cavalier. If enough economists convince us that it's normal to think in terms of marginal utility and sunk costs when out on a date or writing up the list of chores, then they will indeed create a milieu in which it actually does become normal because so many people are thinking that way that it would be foolhardy to assume that the people around us are not thinking that way.

They succeeded in making us all helplessly unable to put forth any counterargument to "Multinational corporations have a responsibility to their shareholders in the short term, and no other responsibility", which would have been ridiculous 50 years ago.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:01 PM
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Before telling somebody you love them, you should test the waters by proclaiming that you ♥ them.

And where does "I wuv you" fit into the chronology, apo?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:01 PM
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Maybe it's just a reflection of my cold, black heart, but I've never felt much significance in a use of the phrase.

OT:

Hooray for being the X in a (Y > 1/2X + 7) encounter.


Posted by: Gibbons | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:03 PM
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41: Never.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:05 PM
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44

"I love you"
"If you really loved me, you'd have fixed that dripping faucet sometime in the last 15 years."
"You're right, I never loved you at all, but just used you and hung around outa spite and sloth."
"I knew it all along, you prick."


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:06 PM
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they will indeed create a milieu in which it actually does become normal because so many people are thinking that way that it would be foolhardy to assume that the people around us are not thinking that way

Damn straight. What we really need are a bunch of academic chemists dominating the discourse so that dating columns will start talking about "dipole attraction" and "eutectic temperatures".


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:07 PM
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Isn't Julia Allison the woman who shares an it-must-be-performance-art blog with her boyfriend? She has a dating column? That can't be good.

You're just hating because she's a fellow Tr/evian


Posted by: hlah | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:08 PM
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We instantly formed a covalent bond, IYKWIMAITYD.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:08 PM
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The Mime: [after Steve and David give him and a couple whose car has broken down a lift to a night club they are going to] Let me tell you about love. Love disappears, baby! Every time I've been broke, the babe's been off like a prom dress.

Female co-passenger: May be it's the women you choose?

The Mime: Hey! Maybe I've been hurt! And maybe I've been dumped!


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:11 PM
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And now I'm praying for the end of time,
to hurry up and arrive,
cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I could really survive.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:17 PM
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What we really need are a bunch of academic chemists dominating the discourse so that dating columns will start talking about "dipole attraction" and "eutectic temperatures".

And "first ionization energy". I hope to someday see a stand-up comic make jokes along the lines of:

Cesium : My whore of an ex-wife :: Electron : Bra


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:20 PM
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51

Not to mention relationships modeled as potential wells.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:21 PM
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Uh, shouldn't that be
Cesium : Electron :: My whore of an ex-wife : Bra


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:23 PM
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I'm going to blurt it out at some inopportune moment.

Scenario: Laying in post-coital bliss, for the first time, with the second woman I'd been with (also the second time in post-coital bliss). I thought I heard her say "I love you." It was confusing, as we had just met, but I was inexperienced in the ways of love, and decided to play it safe by saying "I love you too." It was as if I'd dumped a bucket of ice water over her head; I had of course heard wrong.

All this time I thought it was really stupid of me, but now I see I was being economically rational (#1, #6).


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:24 PM
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So odd! In my experience, men have been the ones to do much of the "I love you"-ing. Often far, far too early in the relationship for it to be plausible. I'm all, "oh, we slept together once and we've been out for coffee a few times and walked around together a lot; you do not love me". It's really difficult to know how to respond, especially when you like someone quite a lot. Few things make my heart sink in a sinkier fashion than realizing that someone I respect, someone I'm interested in...well, that they're such a fool as to believe that they love someone they barely know, and/or so lacking in self-control as to pop out with such a silly statement. Of course, you can't really tell someone "and don't say that you love me until at least six months into the relationship", since that comes across as perhaps a little egotistical.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:24 PM
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Re 53: And yet I'm virtually certain that I've never slept with mano negra.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:25 PM
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blurt it out at some inopportune moment

My boyfriend did this like three times, each time being like "pretend I didn't say that, ok?" After the third time, it was like dude, you love me, I'm awesome. I'm cool with that.


Posted by: m. leblanc | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:25 PM
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they're such a fool as to believe that they love someone they barely know

Well, or they mean something different by it than you would if you said it. Like OFE says, the possible meanings are many and varied.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:26 PM
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OT: I can't believe `procrastoworking' has no hits on google. Just saying.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:27 PM
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Cesium : Electron :: My whore of an ex-wife : Bra

"Man, I'm never going out with her again. She's got the electron affinity of an alkaline earth metal."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:28 PM
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54: That's why I cultivate the emotionality of an icicle in a computer science class. No woman's going to make fun of my emotional neediness over brunch with her slutty friends.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:29 PM
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OT: I can't believe `procrastoworking' has no hits on google. Just saying.

Well, now it does. As does 'delurko-crastinating,' incidentally.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:31 PM
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In a lot of cases, "I love you" means about as much as saying "How are you?" You might mean it sincerely, but you might not.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:31 PM
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60: Sure they are; they'll just make it up if needed.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:32 PM
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61: Yeah, thought I'd fix that while I was at it. Delurko-crastinating is pleasingly precise, but doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:33 PM
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62- Really? Damn.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:34 PM
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66

60: I'm sure she'll think of something else to mock, don't worry.

57: But I don't want to go out with someone who thinks he needs to cozen me all the time, either. Even if all he means is "Oh, maybe Frowner will sleep with me again if I get all sentimental", well, that seems to argue for a gross misjudgement of my character. I mean, in all cases of premature declaration, I did continue to date the people in question. But I coulda done without the qualms.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:35 PM
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Ooh, pwned by 63. Or maybe everyone just knows the horrible truth about Flippanter.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:37 PM
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59- Wait, what? (were you 50?) Have analogies been banned so long that people are constructing them wrong?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:39 PM
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But I don't want to go out with someone who thinks he needs to cozen me all the time, either. Even if all he means is "Oh, maybe Frowner will sleep with me again if I get all sentimental", well, that seems to argue for a gross misjudgement of my character.

Or maybe his definition of "I love you" is "I like you more than any other woman right now and am happy to find out that dating you was a good idea", and that was true at the time.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:40 PM
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No, I was 50.

I always forget how to construct those analogies, since both ways are logical. I guess I did it in the less intuitive way.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:41 PM
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53: Showing deep sincerity like that is often a winner, yes.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:43 PM
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69: But why not say that? Seriously, I'd much, much rather hear "I like you a lot" than "I love you"...particularly at that point in the relationship. "I like you a lot" can be very romantic in an understated way, you know.

Perhaps my character has just been shaped too much by the patriarchy, but I would never tell a fellow that I loved him early on, no matter what I felt. I'd assume that kind of thing would make him run screaming into the night.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:44 PM
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66: Nah, I was thinking of someone honestly saying "I love you" when they meant something like OFE's "I like you a whole lot and want to fuck you". 'Fond of + Attracted to' doesn't mean 'love' for lots of people, but someone who thinks it does isn't using the words obviously wrongly.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:45 PM
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I think 71 is a bit harsh. What would you have said in response?

"Well, I don't. Although theoretically I could."
"You're just trolling aren't you."
"Really? Why?"


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:45 PM
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75

Frowner vs. Grice.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:46 PM
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I'd assume that kind of thing would make him run screaming into the night.

Not a bad assumption. Ok, not screaming into the night, but I'd always though premature iloveyouation would raise a question mark (uh-oh. clingy nightmare?) with the recipient regardless of gender direction...


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:47 PM
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I do think "say it when you mean it" is a pretty good rule. With something like that, there's no sense papering over some incompatibility with the person you're saying it to, and you certainly shouldn't be saying because you think the other person would like to hear it. Say it when you mean it, and let the chips fall where they may.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:47 PM
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What would you have said in response?

hmmm I missed that. What did you say?

or perhaps: did you just tell me you loved me?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:48 PM
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premature iloveyouation

What comes first, tutoying or iloveyouing?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:49 PM
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77 has a caveat: If you mean it after 1 1/3 dates, you possibly need therapy.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:50 PM
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81

I love this thread, but I'm not in love with it.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:51 PM
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I'm lovin' it.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:54 PM
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What comes first, tutoying or iloveyouing?

The common pattern when English-language movies are dubbed into French is that they vousvoyer until the first sex, and start to tutoyer one another beginning with the "they wake up the next morning" shot.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:57 PM
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"I've heard 'em all. 'I like you as a friend.' 'I think we should see other people.' 'I no speak English...' 'I'm married to the sea.' 'I don't want to kill you, but I will.' "


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:58 PM
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I'd hit it.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:58 PM
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Is it too soon for me to say that I ♥ Glenn Greenwald? Or merely too unoriginal.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 1:59 PM
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81: I know what you mean. I've been reading other threads for some time now. The key is keeping your RSS feed at work, so they never know.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:00 PM
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The key is keeping your RSS feed at work, so they never know

But inevitably you accidentally mention something you read in another thread, and then the whole house of cards comes crashing down.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:07 PM
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But inevitably you accidentally mention something you read in another thread, and then the whole house of cards comes crashing down.

And the whole aftermath will play out in the comment threads.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:08 PM
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And the whole aftermath will play out in the comment threads.

Will no one think of the lurkers?


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:09 PM
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The wrong way (NSFW).


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:16 PM
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What comes first, tutoying or iloveyouing?

Best be careful in a foreign tongue. A friend got a little note from her then-boyfriend which read only "Je tem," and it helped convince her that he was, in fact, a twit.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:18 PM
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Je tem. Shut dadore.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:18 PM
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94

"Sure, I understand. That other thread has over 800 comments, and I have fewer than 100. Of course your eye is going to wander... Damn you! I wish you would have at least read something cheap and meaningless like the Atrios comments! Why HER??? You're probably a pervert that reads the Making Light comment threads when I'm not around!"


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:19 PM
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Have you talked Mrs. Ruprecht into attending UnfoggeDCon yet, Knecht? Tell her I'll make out with her if she does. But not if you're into that kind of thing.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:22 PM
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"Look, I'm a modern woman. I understand you're going to browse. I understand you're going to lurk. But commenting???"


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:24 PM
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The lurkers love me in e-mail


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:25 PM
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94: Well 90 -> the majority of comments 200 to 800+ at "the other thread". So Flip is so busted.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:26 PM
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96. Ok, I admit I commented, but I didn't reach comity.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:29 PM
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Best be careful in a foreign tongue.

A friend of mine (American) was dating an American girl in a French environment when they were both in their early 20s. They found that they could communicate much more openly about their relationship (and especially about sex) when speaking French, since it put a little bit of psychological distance between them and their words. In his retelling, she was willing to be much naughtier in bed if he spoke to her in French ("Vas-y penche toi!").


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:30 PM
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I do think "say it when you mean it" is a pretty good rule. With something like that, there's no sense papering over some incompatibility with the person you're saying it to, and you certainly shouldn't be saying because you think the other person would like to hear it. Say it when you mean it, and let the chips fall where they may.

Ogged the Reticent makes this comment?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:31 PM
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102

An ancillary question is have more people said it to you than you have to them or vice versa?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:33 PM
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103

And the ability to blame everything on language difficulties allowed them to save face when the two dozen hens and accompanying barrel of honey were delivered to their apartment. "But, I thought you said you wanted..."


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:33 PM
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104

Say it when you mean it, and let the chips fall where they may.

Doesn't this amount to "Don't sweat it"? Absent bad faith, no one says it when they don't mean it, and worrying too much about what "mean it" means seems self-defeating. If "I love you" is make or break, it was going to break anyway.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:35 PM
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Have you talked Mrs. Ruprecht into attending UnfoggeDCon yet, Knecht?

I'm still working on it. My hopes were set back considerably when she saw the flickr pic of BitchPhD tongue-wrestling with apo.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:35 PM
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106

I misused the French language and called my gf ma petite pamplemousse (play on mon chou) until I told her that I loved her.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:36 PM
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I love you, Will. And not just for your nice tits.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:37 PM
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I love you, Will. And not just for your nice tits.

If I was gay, I would want to date a fastidious, dark skinned, skinny guy like you. We could go swimming together and be so happy.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:40 PM
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allowed them to save face when the two dozen hens and accompanying barrel of honey were delivered to their apartment

"I said 'Tu ne veux pas? Quel boulet.'"

"Oh, I thought you said "Miel. Poulet."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:41 PM
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Overheard by husband #1 in a movie theatre: Young male to young female: 'I love you, baby, no shit!'

The Biophysicist is not prone to use of the L word. However, when a man gives a woman a lovely Makita router set for Squidmas, she knows he loves her. And when he takes her forcibly to the ER, despite her vociferous, albeit fever-induced, protests, thereby saving her life. And when he makes sure that the tires on her car are at the correct pressure...


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:43 PM
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111

103: Is `orders of magnitude more' a bad answer?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:57 PM
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112

ugh, i really hate this sort of delicate signaling way of communicating. if someone says something that skeeves you, maybe you should ask what they mean?


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 2:58 PM
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113

plus making people realize early that i'm going to say crazy shit with alarming frequency allows for much more fun.


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:00 PM
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114

and weeds out the boring sorts


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:00 PM
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115

Thinking about this, I tend to assimilate to the habits of my SO, although I, personally, prefer to say it more often. I was walking into the building at work one day, finishing up a call with the ex and after I was done the guy next to me said "That must be nice," and I had to think for half a second before I realized that I'd said "I love you, too" as I'd gotten off the phone.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:00 PM
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KR--You can tell Mrs. Recht that I am wholesomeness herself, unlike B. It also seems to me that much of the debauchery is of the intellectual kind. I heard that the cops came, but it was because an argument about philosophy got too loud.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:07 PM
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117

Mrs. Recht would be quite an amusing name.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:16 PM
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118

Yes, it would be, Blume. Stupid brain fart.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:19 PM
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119

And the tongue-rassling was conducted solely for the camera--it's not like I took the picture to document an event already taking place.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:23 PM
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120

Although B is likely to be on the Just-Turned-40-But-I-Still-Got-It-Dammit prowl.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:24 PM
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121

Mrs. Recht would be quite an amusing name.

There used to be a Judge Recht, which is even better.

He is remembered for a landmark decision that bears his name (in which he ruled that funding education through local property taxes is an unconstitutionally inequitable funding mechanism), which might have started a revolution in educational policy but turned out to be a false dawn.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:26 PM
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I promise I won't French kiss your husband, Mrs. Ruprecht.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:26 PM
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123

I think I've never said ILY to anyone except close relatives and my wife. I don't know when I started with her but it probably took a few months together. Days we spend together I must say it three, four times though.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:37 PM
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115: wait, what? Was she your ex at the time?

I've said it to & heard it from one person (romantically, that is). I can't actually remember who said it first--I do remember thinking that he was leading up to the first "I love you" when in fact he was leading up to the first: "um, so, can we have sex one of these days?"

I say it way more now, because I am just demonstrative like that.


Posted by: Katherine | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:41 PM
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125

I took a long time to say "I love you" to Snark, but once I started I became fairly profligate. If we're in different parts of the house and I happen to think of him, I will call it out. Probably I say it a dozen times a day at least.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:41 PM
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126

L* is a very dangerous word. After nearly 47 years my father has yet to say it to me. I figure he is working up to it. No rush to judgment and such.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:42 PM
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127

Cripes. And I'm the robot.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:44 PM
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128

122: Even if Fleur asks nice?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:46 PM
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129

Er, 127 not to 126, but to the thread in general.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:46 PM
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126: Still hard to say how you're going to turn out, I guess.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:46 PM
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125 describes my wife and me so accurately it's eerie.

I'll say in our defense that we're aware of how nauseatingly cute we are.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:47 PM
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Probably I say it a dozen times a day at least.

You'll feel the fool when you run out. That word doesn't grow on trees, y'know.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:49 PM
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132: Worse, she'll spur love hyper-inflation. Soon the word won't be enough, and each will have to follow up with actions.

No good can come of this.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:50 PM
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134

Was she your ex at the time?

No. But I've said it to and heard it from exes.

125 is good. Say it up, people!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:52 PM
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120 -- You're thinking of Will. B is in the not-yet-turned-40 set.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 3:56 PM
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130. True. He might have to disown me someday and how would it look having used the L* word. Far better not to retract it.

I do feel sorry for the robot. Sadly for me, I can feel a bit enjoyably mean when I say it to him. The whole emotions thing makes him very uncomfortable.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 4:03 PM
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The idea of meeting many of you, particularly after this thread, is very enticing to me.
The bottle neck here is child care logistics: Knecht's solution of putting gold fish crackers in the automatic cat feeder and setting "Angelina Ballerina" on the continuous play mode, while not without it's merits, just doesn't sit well with me.

Plus, there is the very attractive option of being the only girl in Portland...


Posted by: Fleur Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 4:16 PM
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If you don't go, Fleur & Knecht, I won't feel quite as bad about missing it.

I'm not sure if that's an argument for or against, really.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 4:19 PM
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That's the spirit, Fleur. We love you here, and we're not afraid to say it.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 4:23 PM
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135: I don't have the search-fu to find it, but I thought the textual evidence was such that she would turn between now and then?


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 4:55 PM
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A friend of mine (American) was dating an American girl in a French environment when they were both in their early 20s. They found that they could communicate much more openly about their relationship (and especially about sex) when speaking French, since it put a little bit of psychological distance between them and their words. In his retelling, she was willing to be much naughtier in bed if he spoke to her in French ("Vas-y penche

I heard this once happened to a German youth and some eastern tramp once, too. Prenez garde, il est un peu fragile. C'est à visser, tu sais.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:32 PM
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Although B is likely to be on the Just-Turned-40-But-I-Still-Got-It-Dammit prowl.

B isn't going to be there, IIRC.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:33 PM
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143

Once.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:33 PM
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144

Twice.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:34 PM
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145

Three times a lady... laydeez.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:35 PM
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...and I lo-o-ove you.

Thus the thread returns full circle.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:43 PM
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That's the spirit, Fleur. We love you here, and we're not afraid to say it.

"here" = Portland?


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:43 PM
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147: Yes. I'm taking the liberty to speak for Emerson and NPH before they get here.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 5:45 PM
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my people say i love you once in a lifetime
i like you is different though


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 6:25 PM
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149 was me


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 6:25 PM
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deducing minds hope recognized
R


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 6:26 PM
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deducing minds wondering what happen box-filling skilsl


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 6:40 PM
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142: That was before she knew that I could make it. I'm sure she'll swing it now.


Posted by: Chopper | Link to this comment | 11-27-07 8:05 PM
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126. This is was feature (or a bug) with fathers of a certain generation. I'm quite sure mine never said it, but he made it perfectly clear that he did in fact love me.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 11-28-07 4:24 AM
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154: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill, and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

He was a hard man ... but fair.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 11-28-07 6:01 AM
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155: My father had a similar ethos. The problem was, he was a programmer, so us kids didn't buy it. Then we met my Mom. She was a writer. Fucked us up real good, she did, when the occasion warranted it, then we were as good as the situation allowed.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 11-28-07 6:18 AM
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