Re: Total Request Live: Sestina Edition

1

Sweet. Really sweet.

You're drunk right now, aren't you?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:27 PM
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Wow. Somebody please redact my Nader rondeau; I am cloaked in shame.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:27 PM
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I think this maximizes some kind of talent : burning it ratio.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:30 PM
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Bra-fucking-va.


Posted by: Hamilton-Lovecraft | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:32 PM
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Mag-fucking-nificent.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:37 PM
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Zoh my God.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 7:57 PM
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Amazing!

I can't read poetry. But still.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:00 PM
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Holy shit.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:02 PM
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That was great.

I'd be careful though:
Ezra Pound, a fascist, wrote a noted sestina
Alameida wrote a noted sestina
...


Posted by: ixnaythemetier | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:06 PM
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Fucking brilliant. I know the action's supposed to be in the comments, but as a stand alone post this may be the best EVAR. !, eleven, etc.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:07 PM
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11

That makes this only the second most brilliant thing I've been introduced to today.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:08 PM
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Damn, woman.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:08 PM
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I call shenenigans. Almeida is a ringer who has published actual books with reputable publishers. 15 yards, loss of down, a free kick, and 2 minutes in the penalty box.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:14 PM
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To show how many leagues ahead of me Alameida is, as I was reading it I thought "Boy, she sure is using a lot of the same words over and over. That's odd."

Hallo Wikipedia.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:17 PM
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I'm in awe.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:17 PM
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sure is using a lot of the same words over and over

Just like the link in 11!

Also, I am surprised not to see one of Almeida's books in the window of my local bookstore. God knows certain series in which it was published take up a lot of real estate in that window. And I even own a couple.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:18 PM
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I don't comment here anymore, but I lurk sometimes, and that last line could be taken in a bad way. Brilliant of course. And I love what you're doing with the place.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:20 PM
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That is extremely awesome.--Made my day.


Posted by: caldwellian | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:20 PM
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FN 1 North Dakota's tomb, where hungry mice
gnaw on the nation's corn-cob heart
.

Perhaps a reference to the Corn Palace, Mitchell, S.D. Poetesses typically fail to distinguish Norht from South Dakota.



Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:23 PM
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14- A few days ago, all I knew about poetry is that sometimes it rhymes and sometimes it doesn't. I've really enjoyed it.


Posted by: asl | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:25 PM
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text!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:25 PM
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ualist!


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:26 PM
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Cool!


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:26 PM
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By lurk sometimes, I mean often. I hope you all are doing well.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:28 PM
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I'd like to visit the Corn Palace. God, back in the day before we knew about the dangers of high-fructose syrup, corn was an innocent crop.

Alameida, this is really good.


Posted by: Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:29 PM
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All I know about
poetry
is that you take
a normal sentence and

insert!

carriage returns.
otherwise it has to
rhyme


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:30 PM
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I call shenanigans, too! But I will set this in type next year and run a broadside, damn me if I don't!


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:31 PM
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1. The impromptu verse that people post to this site makes me feel more outclassed than anything else

2. Until 13, I had no idea about Alamedia's publication record.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:34 PM
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Poetry is when you're "speaking figuratively, not literally". The way Mitt Romney spoke, for example, when he said "I saw my father march with Martin Luther King". Which his father never did, as it turns out, but that's poetry.


Posted by: Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:38 PM
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Stupendous!


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:39 PM
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i don't know, i said like peace pretty many times
may be should repeat PEACES!!!
and mice are very useful little animals
they help fight all kinds of diseases and conditions etc
bravo of course and sorry to cause so much distress
anyway, hope you'll enjoy this mongger
Freeztyle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_3-FP_lTZA
couldn't write html


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:41 PM
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back in the day before we knew about the dangers of high-fructose syrup, corn was an innocent crop.

I still call it maize. Also, very offhand, A's poem makes me think of Mark Doty. And I really like Doty.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:46 PM
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She dare not reveal her true name here, lest the major poetry publishers drop her from their list and deprive her of dozens of dollars of relatively hard, non-Narnian currency every year.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:49 PM
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Mice!

I heart you, Alameida.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:49 PM
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Damn, this is good. Sestinas are, like, batshit difficult, right? (As in "so difficult it's crazy". My new goal in life: make "batshit" a widely-used, all-purposes intensifier.) I also wasn't aware of Alameida's publication record and now might go buy some.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 8:53 PM
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*applauds*


Posted by: cdm | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:12 PM
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Unfogged's proving itself worthy of our attentions today, ain't it? I don't even feel like I'm procrastinating, what all the unbridled brilliance circulating today.


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:16 PM
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there's a published poet with the same real name as me, but she's not me.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:22 PM
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That was impressive.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:22 PM
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38: Sure, but she's not very good. I mean, really, that word about the blood ain't any more effective as one word than it would've been as three.

(Also, you and yours warranted a NYT wedding announcement. That's damn impressive.)


Posted by: SEK | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:24 PM
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you praise or condemn your presidents
do whatever you like, after all they are your presidents
this is just clarification for my defending poor generic mice only, not anything else
otherwise people 'd think i'm pro-Bush something



Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:30 PM
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Wow. Just "wow."


Posted by: Anderson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:37 PM
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We're not worthy!


Posted by: Amit | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:41 PM
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to clarify, read, the "fuck you clown" is intended for the president, not you.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:42 PM
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38: Seriously? She's just a persona? Sort of like Pessoa with his multiple personae, or George Foreman with his kids all named Goerge Foreman?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:42 PM
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I mean, who of us actually knows who he or she really is, after all? Are we not really strangers even to those nearest to us -- and to ourselves?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:45 PM
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Insanely great.

In other news, driving through LA is really boring. Heaven forfend that anyone think I'm trying to compete with alameida here, but this seems the most relevant active thread.

Liberalen sind bloss Faschisten, zum letzen Mann.
Gesundes Essen, Sozialversicherung, das Rauchverbot?
Vor siebzig Jahren hat das Hitler auch getan.

Der Liberaler schließt die Kirche, sobald er kann,
Und als Erklärung sagt er nur, Gott sei tot.
Liberalen sind bloss Faschisten, zum letzen Mann.

"Es gibt kein Schaffen nach dem Gottes Plan;
verbessert wird die Art durch Streit und Not."
Vor siebzig Jahren hat das Hitler auch getan.

Sie brechen mit allem, ausser dem Klan—
das heisst, mit den "Vernünftigen"—ihr Brot.
Liberalen sind bloss Faschisten, zum letzten Mann.

"Das kleinste Hühnchen hat mehr Rechte als ein Mann,
und ist zu retten, bevor es der Messer droht."
Vor siebzig Jahren hat das Hitler auch getan.

Schicken wir den Liberaler zurück, woher er kam,
und dann zum Krieg!—denn das Blut ist uns noch rot.
Liberalen sind bloss Faschisten, zum letzten Mann.
Vor siebzig Jahren hat das Hitler auch getan.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:46 PM
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The most looked-forward-to panel at UnfoggeDCon 2 is the Poetry Slam. Listen as Armshamsher improvises in Italian. Hear w-lfs-n wail on Armshamsher's sax.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:50 PM
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Dmaned fumble fingers. ARMSMASHER.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:50 PM
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w00t w-lfs-n!!! that's awesome. hey, you know what's really hard? latin verse composition. every single goddamned syllable is long by position if it's not already long by nature.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:54 PM
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I'm sorry to see that I'm missing out on all this recent versificatory brilliance. But I have to go to sleep.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:58 PM
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Hear w-lfs-n wail on Armshamsher's sax.

And here I thought w-lfs-n would be a quiet one during sex.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:59 PM
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Just wow.


Posted by: Lambent Cactus | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 9:59 PM
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w-lfs-n does Latin.

w-lfs-n says Latin is hard.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 10:06 PM
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Fucking A. That was stellar.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 10:16 PM
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I love you Alameida.


Posted by: Penny | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 10:23 PM
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I had dinner tonight with a friend who lives in Fargo. Verdict: cold, flat, and goyishe.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 10:44 PM
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57: Interesting. But what does your standoffish unbuxom Gentiley friend think of Fargo?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:01 PM
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She's generally in favor of it.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:02 PM
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You should totally hook her up with Emerson.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:06 PM
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I once said "I like my pancakes like I like my women," and then tried to figure out what to follow that up with. My girlfriend said "Hot and flat?" I said "You said it, not me."


Posted by: Geo-washington | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:06 PM
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Don't you keep up with AIR, George? Pancakes aren't that flat.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:07 PM
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You should totally hook her up with Emerson.

I doubt she's his type.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:08 PM
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They're flatter than most women.


Posted by: Geo-washington | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:08 PM
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"They" being pancakes, not the Dakotas.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:09 PM
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Stacked and covered in butter and syrup?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:11 PM
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Actually waffles?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:13 PM
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Actually waffles?

I've always had a thing for secretly indecisive women, myself.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12-20-07 11:22 PM
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Stacked and covered in butter and syrup?

Awesome.


Posted by: Lambent Cactus | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 12:02 AM
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With god as my witness, I'll never be embarrassed to be an unfogged commenter again.


Posted by: washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 12:29 AM
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Before going to sleep, I read OP once again; so very good. Not to belabor the point, but, like masturbation, I can't believe this shit is free.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 12:45 AM
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Oh My God! What a glorious way to wake up. If w-lfs-n and Alameida ever breed, the offspring will be known as Johann Wolfgang von Shakespeare.


(Actually, I first typed 'Lohan Wolfgang von Shakespeare. I suppose if they had a daughter, Lindsay Lohan Wolfgang von Shakespeare ....)


Posted by: Nworb Werdna | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 1:46 AM
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Wow. Seriously great.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 3:30 AM
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Eh. It wasn't so great.


Just kidding. That was awesome, Alameida.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 6:00 AM
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Well, unfogged was well worth the visit this am. Thanks A!


Posted by: spaz | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 7:13 AM
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Holy shit, that's enough to bring this lurker out, just enough to say:

Nice work.

Don't get carried away or anything. But Fuck yeah! Also, I concur - shenanigans.


Posted by: Lackey | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 7:23 AM
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like masturbation, I can't believe this shit is free.

You mean . . . the masturbation tax I've been paying all these years is a scam???


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 7:30 AM
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I had dinner tonight with a friend who lives in Fargo. Verdict: cold, flat, and goyishe

There's the rub, isn't it? I was talking with a friend last night at the meeting of a community group I belong to: inclusive diversity and social capital is what we're trying to construct. I mentioned Putnam's perspective, that in the short run diversity dampens people's willingness to engage their neighbors, whomever they are, which may leave us helpless. I mentioned Fargo as an example of a community with above-average social capital, even if we wouldn't want to live there.

I know the criticisms Putnam is subject to, and that we have to try anyway even if we believe there's something to it. Nonetheless, there seems something intuitively right about it, and if so we'd better take it into account and make our efforts accordingly.


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 7:33 AM
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Alameida, you can do anything -- raise adorable genius artists, charm the pants off the world, kick bad habits, design interiors better than a pro, leap tall buildings. You CAN do all those things. But you were BORN to write. Write that novel, please?


Posted by: Constant Lurker | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:02 AM
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So wait, is Alameida a ringer or not?

This was pretty awesome indeed--so awesome that it made me think all sappy-like that Unfogged must be the best blog evar.


Posted by: Frowner | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:08 AM
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She's not a ringer. The other one seems to have been a nurse and 1st published a collection when Alameida was in college.

Since she isn't a ringer, Emerson owes her some loud huzzahs.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:13 AM
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OK, huzzah. The sestina will be ruled valid once the drug testing results have been received.

I still miss the classic age of poetry, when pharmaceuticals had not given poets the superhuman abilities they now have.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:44 AM
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This all saved me about $15. The stranger [Alameida]'s two books have been remaindered, more or less.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:45 AM
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84

Redact?


Posted by: I don't pay | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:49 AM
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Sorry, yes please. "The stranger Alameida's"


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:52 AM
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John Emerson is banned!

I still miss the classic age of poetry, when pharmaceuticals had not given poets the superhuman abilities they now have.

Coleridge was the Barry Bonds of poetry.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 8:53 AM
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I know Alameida doesn't like the "finish your novel!" comments, but all we mean is, "Damn, but we'd like to read your novel."


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 9:02 AM
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I think I just ovulated.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 9:53 AM
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My first thought was to imagine a future undergraduate essay on this poem, and I was trying to imagine him sorting through the archives to get the information, something like, "'Fuck you clown' was a popular phrase amongst the unfoggedariat who generally disliked clowns. It was first connected with poetry when co-writer apostropher, sometimes referred to as the apostropher created a competition in which famous poetry was made to end with the phrase. Here it alludes back to that previous usage while simultaneously insulting President Bush, whom the unfoggedtariat viewed as a buffoon of the worst sort, an utterly incompetent idiot."


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 10:41 AM
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To make it a true assignment, the initial information about co-writer apostropher would either need to be ignored or lost to history, so we could have essays beginning "Since the dawn of time, mankind has fucked clowns, but it was not until 502 P.C.H.* that it became customary to use the words "fuck you, clown", in poetry. An example of this is found in the writings of alameida who is otherwise distinguished by her rosy toes."

*Pre-Centaui Hejira.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 10:55 AM
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Now somebody needs to take Apo + Alameida's talents and make a musical sestina -- a downloadable mix of awesome songs whose titles all follow the sestina conventions.

Surely one of you is crazy enough to do that.


Posted by: Becks | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 11:08 AM
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Merriam-Webster defines "fuck" as "to engage in coitus with—sometimes used interjectionally with an object (As a personal or reflexive pronouin) to express anger, contempt, or disgust, and notes that it is usually obscene. Here, that object is a clown ("a rude ill-bred person", but also "a comedian in an entertainment"), whom the speaker addresses directly. In this paper I will answer the following questions: who is that clown? Is the clown a rude person or a comedian? Why does the speaker have contempt for the clown? The answers may be surprising.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 11:50 AM
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Is this an OK thread to talk about how strangely uncomfortable it is to sit in a chair outside a room in which a reproductive endocrinologist is penetrating your wife with a big ultrasound wang?

It is strange.


Posted by: John Q. Adams | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:36 PM
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93:

Why is that strange?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:37 PM
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Why is that strange?

Because he's not used to it, that's all. Clearly, the solution is for JQA to observe his wife being pentrated by various people with a variety of objects, like systematic desnsitization therapy for phobias.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:44 PM
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95 gets it right. Is JQA coming to UnfoggeDeCeon?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:44 PM
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So I should bring a speculum to DC?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:45 PM
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Unfogge DeCeon? Didn't he discover the fountain of youth?

I'm not saying it makes sense, I'm just saying it's a weird situation. Do I stay in the room? Do I wait outside? Either way, it is a little uncomfortable.


Posted by: John Q. Adams | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:46 PM
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Stay in the room. Hold her hand.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:47 PM
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This reminds me that I sat with my best (female) friend while she was having a similar procedure. She was pretty upset (ectopic pregnancy, her boyfriend out of town and unable to be with her). I did sit next to her and stroke her arm. It was still sad and awful and weirdly awkward all at the same time.


Posted by: Lucinda Garfield | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:50 PM
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Yeah, the next one of these, I'll definitely hold her hand. I think we both would have wanted me in there if it had been just a waist-down procedure, but with the breast exam, blah blah blah.

Anyway, the whole thing is impossibly awkward.


Posted by: John Q. Adams | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 2:58 PM
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Needs more swimming.


Posted by: shpx.ohfu | Link to this comment | 12-21-07 3:14 PM
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thanks for all the kind words, everybody. I should, like, finish that novel, and stuff. it's my new year's resolution to finish by june, so we'll see how that goes...it's basically almost finished, I've just been suffering from crippling writer's block/self-undermining sabotage.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 1:52 AM
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Have you ever considered that novel in a month game? Jim Henley refered to it as "NaMoWriMo" or something like that. It seems a bit like a giant trick one plays on oneself, but that might be useful for breaking through a block.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 7:50 AM
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it will need to be something more like LaFoChaMo, in which I write the last four chapters in a month, but yeah, I could prolly do with some tricking myself.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 8:01 AM
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JM is so clueless.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:31 AM
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But Ben I'm almost done with my movel.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:33 AM
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No one cares about your novel, Tweety.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:34 AM
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That's good, Ben, because it's a movel.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:38 AM
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i'm interested, is it about me?


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:47 AM
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http://www.movel.de/


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:49 AM
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Ah-HA!


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 9:58 AM
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you are good at reading signals, but that aha was with different pronounciation


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 10:01 AM
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I've just been suffering from crippling writer's block/self-undermining sabotage.

Well if you run short of the latter, we're here to help.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 10:03 AM
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You're a subtle one, ST Fish. But I ferreted out your true intent.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 10:03 AM
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FINE, if you don't want to talk
i'll retreat to my comfortable silence


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 12-22-07 10:05 AM
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