Re: Golden

1

Generation Awesome comes through again! Agree totally. I hate the Oscars, usually. This time, I was able to forget about them until today.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 4:55 PM
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This is the first year where I've seen some of the main contenders. My local theater has actually been pretty Oscar-centric for the past few months -- they've had No Country forever and ever, plus Juno and now There Will Be Blood.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 4:58 PM
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Ooh! I bet everyone's at home watching them and I could get a good seat at the Tea Lounge to read.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 4:58 PM
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This is the first time in a few years Ihaven't been paying any attention. They're a rather bigger deal in Southern California than elsewhere.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:03 PM
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Meh. The Oscars are still overrated and will probably continue to be for the foreseeable future.

SAG seems to have a better record of picking the best films/people, and the Golden Globes often seem to mirror plebian tastes most closely. And of course Cannes (plus Venice and Berlin) highlights the best stuff internationally.

A film professor of mine who'd worked on the crew of several big Hollywood pictures said: "The first lesson of Hollywood is: 'Everyone is replaceable.'" Given that, it's hard to get too overwrought about one person beating out another. And of course, every few years recently we've had some steaming pile of brussels sprouts like Titanic or The Return of the King make a big sweep and totally expose the bankruptcy of the entire process.

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I saw Be Kind, Rewind (Michel Gondry, 2008) last night. It struck me as a flawed but very interesting film. The denouement is a clear nod to Sullivan's Travels (Preston Sturges, 1941), so of course that endeared it to me.

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Oscars suck.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:24 PM
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I watched it last year because I was rooting for The Lives of Others, but this year there's not a single category I care about.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:30 PM
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I sure do hope Ratatouille wins the "Best Animated Film By Pixar Called 'Ratatouille' That Wasn't Nominated For Best Picture" category.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:31 PM
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I'm so apathetic I didn't realize the Oscars were tonight.

But not out of the same sense through which I don't even own a TV disdain springs. I rarely see movies in the theater any more. I have a hard time justifying the expense unless I'm certain I'm going to like it, or if I feel like I'll probably like it, but that it needs a big screen in order to be properly enjoyed.

Otherwise, it can wait for Netflix (and most likely lose out to a television series I have queued. Television episodes are so much better than movies, and so much shorter.)


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:39 PM
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My landlord is having an Oscars party downstairs. We were invited, and I baked cookies in case we decided to go, but man, I'm not feeling it this year.

I do like to gawp at the dresses (and whatever Johnny Depp is wearing), and I am sort of curious in a half-hearted way about how Jon Stewart does in this horrible venue, but I haven't seen the movies and really don't care.

It's only very recently that Oscars mania has had any impact on me. I think the first time I was invited to an Oscars-specific event was a couple of years ago. I may have come across it on TV when I was younger, but the pervasiveness of the non-ironic star-watching trend has really only just hit me.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:41 PM
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Here's my take on movies: Hey movies, you stupid lumbering three hour affairs! That's too long! Go back to being 90 minutes.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:45 PM
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Here's my take on movies: "Huh? Movies? What are they?"

First the movies go, then the relationships, then the teeth.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:47 PM
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First the movies go, then the relationships, then the teeth.

I guess I'm about halfway along, then.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:50 PM
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I like long movies. Except for Zodiac. God, I hated Zodiac. I may resent it especially because we went to the 10:50pm showing and didn't get out until almost two in the morning and then had to walk a mile to get home.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:50 PM
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Here's my take on Emerson: "Hey, I'm EMERSON! I'm shaggy and ambivalent towards teeth! I have lengthy opinions on politics and short opinions on relationships!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:50 PM
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The foreign film selections this year were baffling -- Katyn makes sense, because the Academy loves Wajda, but France got shafted (that one-nomination-per-country thing really bones countries like France, Spain, and Korea with very strong film industries) by going with Persepolis over La Vie en Rose, and everyone's consensus favorite, 4 months 3 weeks and 2 days got left off the ballot entirely because it's too politically touchy, being a brutal movie about authoritarianism and reproductive rights. (The Band's Visit, a well-thought-of Isreali movie I haven't seen, got left off since it's about a bunch of Egyptians stranded in Israel and communicating with their hosts largely in English, as they don't speak Hebrew.) I'm seeing stories pop up that the 4 months... issue might actually cause some pressure on the Academy to fix the nominating process, but I won't hold my breath.

I imagine The Counterfeiters will win because someone has finally made a brilliant adaption of Gidés experimental novel about hypocrisy and sexual identity it's about the Holocaust.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:54 PM
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Read a Richard Schickel thing in TIME online this afternoon that said there is little interest in the Oscars this year because nobody has seen these movies. With the exception of Juno $150 million BO the nominees mostly had limited distribution and/or limited appeal. No Country for Old Men only did $60 million domestic, which probably doesn't cover its costs. BOMB Art movie.

Rat may have been popular, but didn't excite critics. We need to return to movies like Ben Hur or True Grit I say. No I don't, I tried to watch Gladiator last night. Barf.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:54 PM
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I'm actively hostile toward teeth. I just postponed an appointment just to keep my dentist from figuring that out.

Tolstoy shared my opinions about teeth and relationships. No movies back then, but I'm confident that he'd agree with me.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:55 PM
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10: I agree. 90 minutes is the perfect length for a movie. Even 2 hours strains my patience, though I have always viewed it as the "standard" length.

I thought There Will Be Blood was too long, though not hurt too badly by that -- and I disagree with Becks' long ago post saying that the brother part seemed unnecessary. It was necessary, but it should've been more tightly integrated.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:55 PM
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90 minutes is especially the right length for comedies.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:56 PM
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16: The Coen brothers say that they work very, very cheaply and efficiently -- otherwise they couldn't stay in the business. Apparently every single shot is planned in complete detail before the first actor shows up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:58 PM
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Comedy!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 5:58 PM
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I should probably see No Country for Old Men at some point. It was filmed in my neighborhood (though, I think, before I moved here).


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:00 PM
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Go back to being 90 minutes.

Horrors. I love long movies. I've got Shoah waiting for some day when I have nothing else to do (except drink heavily afterward).


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:00 PM
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23: Not Le chagrin et la pitié?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:01 PM
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As with Fargo, the movie show typical local people going about their typical daily lives. The locals around there should love it.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:01 PM
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90 minutes is good for comedies and action movies. I think two hours tends to be better for dramas. Longer than that is usually self indulgent.


Posted by: Wry Cooter | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:01 PM
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90 minutes is good for comedies and action movies. I think two hours tends to be better for dramas. Longer than that is usually self indulgent.

You know what I actually kind of enjoyed? Watching Les Vampires on fast-forward.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:02 PM
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A question for Herzog fans: is it okay that I didn't like Woyzeck? As a white person, I want to have acceptable tastes.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:04 PM
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Maybe they could do an edit for the impatient. "Say, that No Country Fo is a brisk and entertaining thrill-ride!" the impatient will say. They'll be right!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:05 PM
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Try Berg's opera. It makes Woyzeck fun.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:05 PM
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28: The opera by Berg is fucking amazing.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:06 PM
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23: Not Le chagrin et la pitié?

Already seen it a few times. Along with Andrei Rublev. But maybe I'll make it a triple feature.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:06 PM
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No Country For Old Men bombed? That surprises me -- it didn't seem particularly art-movie-esque.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:06 PM
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Curse you, Emerson!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:06 PM
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I only realized the Oscars were tonight when I had to make an appointment to see a room for tomorrow evening because the person renting it is going to some oscars party or something tonight.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:07 PM
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"Say, that No Country Fo is a brisk and entertaining thrill-ride!" the impatient will say.

You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only use the edge!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:07 PM
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28 reminds me that, having had extremely inexpensive sandwiches for lunch, and finding them delicious, Blume and I are now black.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:08 PM
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$60,000,000 = failure. That could support ten successful novelists for their entire careers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:08 PM
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36: you'll pay for the whole movie, but you'll only use the fi!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:08 PM
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I just remembered that I own a recording of the Berg opera! Why? I don't fucking know, but I do!


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:09 PM
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And a good thing too, because the rest of the seat is strangely wet!

No, it's not urine. Urine you could handle. It's.........

[Tune in next week for the next exciting episode.]


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:10 PM
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Jesus Christ but 31 is right.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:11 PM
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28 reminds me that, having had extremely inexpensive sandwiches for lunch, and finding them delicious, Blume and I are now black.

Like a minstel show? That's pretty racist.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:11 PM
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"Say, that No Country Fo is a brisk and entertaining thrill-ride!"

Busted! Tweety is actually Peter Travers, the living blurb-o-mat!


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:11 PM
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Many of my very favorite movies are long. But today's filmmakers seem inclined to overestimate how capable the average film is of sustaining such length. Not every movie can be Lawrence of Arabia.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:14 PM
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I liked Lawrence of Arabia, I've seen it multiple times and would see it again, but there's always a point in the first hour or two where I think: this film might be too long.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:17 PM
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$60,000,000 = failure. That could support ten successful novelists for their entire careers.

I don't know where mcmanus is getting his cost numbers from, and I haven't seen the film, but his implied cost estimate sounds high (ex recto). And it apparently took in another $30 mil overseas.

I like that we're pricing out novelists at $6 mil. per career, though.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:17 PM
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46: Shhhh, eb. Shhhhh.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:19 PM
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Actually, considering alimony that wouldn't support a Bellow, a Roth, or a Mailer. Why do Jews get married so often?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:19 PM
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49: Sheer virility.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:22 PM
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I think the real question is why Christians don't. I blame Jesus.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:23 PM
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You'd think they'd get legal advice. "So should I get married, or should I just screw a lot?" That looks like a no-brainer to me.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:24 PM
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Ah, but Jewish weddings are a lot of fun. Lots of food and alcohol.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:25 PM
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Well, some Reform synagogue ought to devise marriage-free wedding parties.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:26 PM
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Now there's a thought.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:27 PM
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I think the real question is why Christians don't. I blame Jesus.

Actually, it's because we know how to sexually satisfy our women. That's why the megachurches are so popular. The whole family values thing is just a smokescreen to keep Jews and other undesirables out.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:27 PM
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Speak for yourself, Knecht. We're waiting for Fleur's report.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:28 PM
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28: I liked Woyzeck okay, but it's not in the same league as any of the other Herzog/Kinski films. Even Cobra Verde, which is often depressingly bad, has some incredible moments, and Woyzeck lacks the usual Herzogian spectacle-factor. We're never watching something that causes us to barely believe our eyes, which is the thing Herzog offers so reliably.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:29 PM
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Stroszek I could barely stand watching---way too fucking depressing, dangerously so---but I remember ten or so extraordinary moments in it. Maybe there are some in Woyzeck that I'm forgetting, but, well, they're forgettable.

I haven't seen/heard the opera, but it really could stand some singing to make it work.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:32 PM
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Stroszek is the semi-biographical movie about Bruno S, yes? I'm not sure I could take it.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:34 PM
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I've never seen the silver screen version of Woyzeck, but I saw an amazing production of it in Frankfurt one time. When I heard the first chords of the ouverture, I thought, "There's no way I'm going to be able to sit through two hours of this." But once the first scene got underway, I was transfixed.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:34 PM
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28 reminds me that, having had extremely inexpensive sandwiches for lunch, and finding them delicious, Blume and I are now black.

Were they Vietnamese sandwiches? Maybe you're turning Vietnamese. I had two delicious Vietnamese sandwiches last week. $2.50 each.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:35 PM
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Ah, but Jewish weddings are a lot of fun. Lots of food and alcohol.

But not as much alcohol as a Christian wedding, I think. Or so goes a stereotype.

I had a friend whose father used to threaten them, "If you grow up and marry a goy, you'll have beer at your wedding!"


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:37 PM
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To clarify 61, the production I saw was not the Büchner play but the opera by Alban Berg, which is actually spelled "Wozzeck".


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:38 PM
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In Minnesota the stereotype is accurate. It's also traditional for some of the bride's party to pick fights with some of the groom's party, especially if it's an interracial Polish-German or Norwegian-Finnish wedding.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:40 PM
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60: No, it stars Bruno S, though. The one that is semi-biographical is Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle (in English, it appeared as The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser). They're both sort of biographical, though, in their own ways; it's just that the latter is about a man in the nineteenth century who was "found" in the same way Bruno S was, having been raised completely apart from society, without language or sensory input.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:41 PM
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The stereotype we always had was that Episcopal weddings had lots of alcohol and no food.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:42 PM
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Stroszek is the more depressing, though. For some reason, it seems to be generally taken for granted that Ian Curtis hung himself after or during a TV showing of it.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:43 PM
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But not as much alcohol as a Christian wedding, I think.

Especially not as much as at this kind of Christian wedding.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:44 PM
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62: they were indeed. They were (in?) the shit.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:46 PM
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God, I wish there were a banh mi place in Park Slope. I've only had them in Philadelphia because there just isn't a banh mi to be had anywhere near the places where I live and work.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:47 PM
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That sounded like I went to Philly for banh mi rather than walk to Chinatown.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:48 PM
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47:Caught me. Should be public info, but all I was able to find was a note saying none of the Best Pictures cost more than $30 million "half a normal budget" and Juno cost $7

Somebodies gettin rich off Juno


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:49 PM
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Yeah, I've seen The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser. From what I know about the Kaspar Hauser case, it's actually a reasonably historically accurate account (made weird and fucked-up by casting Bruno S., of course).


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:52 PM
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Jesus, Nastassja "Jailbait" Kinski is 46 or so. I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:53 PM
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God, I wish there were a banh mi place in Park Slope. I've only had them in Philadelphia because there just isn't a banh mi to be had anywhere near the places where I live and work.

There are vegetarian banh mi in Philly? Ooh.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:54 PM
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There's all kinds of Vietnamese food in Philly. Oddly enough, I've actually never had banh mi despite spending a lot of time there. Good pho, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:56 PM
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Mmm. Banh mi. Someone is going to have to attach an exception clause to the Expensive Sandwiches section of Things White People Like.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:57 PM
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Liking expensive sandwiches doesn't mean you can't like inexpensive sandwiches too.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 6:58 PM
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Teo. Don't get all logical. White people hate that.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:00 PM
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2007 Box Office

I mean, No Country was #40 with 64 mil.

Wild Hogs with Tim Allen, John Travolta, and the usual great William Macy performance made $168 million.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:00 PM
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Vegetarian banh mi would be extra super exciting.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:06 PM
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Indeed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:09 PM
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84

I have never had banh mi. Does this make me extra-white?


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:10 PM
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William Macy did give the best performance in Wild Hogs.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:12 PM
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I have never had banh mi. Does this make me extra-white?

Or a self-hating Vietnamese.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:12 PM
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Slol, you're a white as TV detergent ad bedlinen.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:13 PM
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According to my wikicleverness, the vegetarian option is called banh mi chay. They also said slolernr is like totally white-bread white, oh my god, like totally freak me out.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:13 PM
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84: No, just trapped somewhere without Vietnamese people. Although you should really rectify that (well, the banh mi bit anyway) ASAP.

And rfts, I've never been to a banh mi shop that *didn't* have vegetarian sandwiches. I am sad for you.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:14 PM
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82: RTFS -- come visit us in NYC. Lots of veggie banh mi! One is 5 minutes from my office!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:14 PM
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Slol, you're a white as TV detergent ad bedlinen.

Can we just note that Mr. Minnesota's calling me white? I think I'll just go sulk into my tuna casserole.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:14 PM
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Slo's so white, his undies are like, "Compared to you, we're tighty-tannies."


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:15 PM
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There's one place that has those things here. It's a woman on the sidewalk on Saturday and Sunday mornings until about 3PM. None of our many restaurants have it.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:16 PM
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Well, I live in Cleveland. But also I haven't investigated very thoroughly, because someone or something I read once gave me the idea that vegetarian versions were nonexistent. The scales have fallen!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:16 PM
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Ned is talking about tighty-tannies, btw.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:16 PM
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Whiter than Minnesota is not something to brag about.

Like a nice carp?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:16 PM
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I wasn't bragging, I was sulking. But it's been previously noted. Somewhere there's a picture, unless it burned out the camera in question.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:19 PM
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is it okay that I didn't like Woyzeck?

White people love Berg. Also, white people--or this white person at least--also love anything to do with T.E. Lawrence. I'm sorry, though I love the parade at the Oscars, I haven't turned on the Oscars tonight because I've been out inventing a new drink: the Holy Mole: one part tequila, one part Kahlúa and one part Tabasco. Next year, everyone will be drinking this, so ask your favorite bartender for it now.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:20 PM
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Slol's so white that when he sulks we mistake it for bragging.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:21 PM
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The stereotype we always had was that Episcopal weddings had lots of alcohol and no food.

And the Baptists have lots of food and no alcohol.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:23 PM
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100: True.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:24 PM
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According to W/k/p/d/a, No Country For Old Men cost $25 million total.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:25 PM
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Nobody heard him, the white man,
But still he lay moaning
It was much spicier than he thought
Not bragging, but sulking.

Poor chapt, he always loved hoagies
And suckled on TVP
It must have been the cilantro or daikon
White bread.

Oh, no no no, it wasn't a sandwich
(Scrambled egg? Tofu? Head cheese?)
You'll just have to Banh Mi for life
And not bragging, but sulking.


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:26 PM
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The stereotype we always had was that Episcopal weddings had lots of alcohol and no food.

I say true: Episcopal christenings have lots of alcohol and no only heavy hors d' oeuvres.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:32 PM
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Cooking gerbils just pwned Persepolis. Shorter academy: Iranians lower than vermin. (I really, really, really hated the rats.)

Pixar produces the kind of movies that the whole happenin' white world would have loved if George Bush had won the election in 2000.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:37 PM
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I sorta like TVP in some things.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:38 PM
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Emerson is very white.


Posted by: Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:42 PM
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Sprinkle a bag of TVP with cinnamon or some other spice and carry it with you for a snack. Yum!


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:47 PM
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what's TVP?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:48 PM
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Never mind.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:49 PM
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You know, others of us may have been waiting for the answer too you know.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:50 PM
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Textured vegetable protein.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:51 PM
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IA should talk. She's so white she makes her igloo look dark.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:52 PM
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I sometimes buy canned chili made with TVP instead of beans, and I like it. Farting less is probably the selling point, but that's not why I buy it.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:53 PM
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82: There's a decent veggie banh-mi I can get close to campus. It's heaven.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:54 PM
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Textured vegetable protein.

I love astronaut food.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:57 PM
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111: But you'd have pretended to know all along, leaving me looking like a chump.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 7:59 PM
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Actually, it's because we know how to sexually satisfy our women. That's why the megachurches are so popular.

I totally need to start dragging my ass back to church.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:00 PM
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117: True. But I would've come off looking so smart!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:00 PM
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116: Like Tang.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:01 PM
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119: You'd be slumped over your desk rolling your eyes right now.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:04 PM
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#116. A little Tang, a little TVP, it's all good.

(My father (allegedly) dated someone who (allegedly) went on to be a NASA nutritionist responsible for the food in a tube. Blame her.)


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:05 PM
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108: really?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:08 PM
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#123. Really. Or at least I like it. Take a bag of TVP chunks, sprinkle them with some spice that you like: cinnamon, pepper, whatevs. Shake them well. Then eat them. They're very crunchy, a little dry, but pure protein, and cheaper and no worse than any protein bar you might buy.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:16 PM
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118: Care to stop by my "bible study group"?


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:16 PM
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Goooooo pretty french lady! Kick that Ellen Page's skinny white ass!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:18 PM
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Wait, is Sifu actually watching the Oscars?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:19 PM
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Or use your imagination! I suppose you could mix TVP with nuts or dried fruits. Point is, TVP really is the magic food.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:19 PM
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126: The pretty French lady was sososo good in that movie. (And it is nice to watch people win who really didn't expect it.)

Colin Farrell just told us he is chuffed!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:20 PM
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Goooooo pretty french lady!

The La Vie en Rose woman beat Julie Christie? Shit, I'm not winning my pool this year.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:20 PM
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125: Depends -- is this the sort of denomination where people speak in tongues?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:23 PM
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The La Vie en Rose woman beat Julie Christie?

That is just evil. Evil.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:23 PM
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They still have the Oscars? I though this was some sort of elaborate Unfogged in-joke.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:24 PM
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132 - As the music swells, somehow stronger from adversity our hero finds inner peace.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:25 PM
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125: As I've said on this very site, I've known at least three guys who used New Church church groups as pickup bars. Submissive, grateful, enthusiastic, and clean.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:26 PM
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I think most Scout troops frown on that sort of thing, Emerson.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:28 PM
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Submissive, grateful, enthusiastic, and clean.

Mouseover text! But whose?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:28 PM
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132 gets it wrong.

137: I thought "You girls are never going to get married. You're too short and you talk too much." was going to be mouseover text for sure.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:30 PM
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Mouseover text! But whose?

I could use it, but I don't have mouseover text.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:32 PM
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Have you people actually dated a submissive woman?

Where do you want to go?

You decide.

What do you want to do?

Whatever you want.


The horror. The horror.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:32 PM
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I am glad that I didnt agree when Knecht suggested that we go upstairs to pray.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:35 PM
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But, blowjobs, Will! Infinite fellatio!


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:36 PM
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#134. Never. My Julie was wronged, wronged, I say.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:37 PM
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no worse than any protein bar you might buy.
DAMNS WIF FAINT PRAZE.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:37 PM
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142:

Yes, but knecht kept telling me to remember that it is better to give than it is to receive.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:38 PM
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140: What really bothers Will is that when he needs to be whipped she's very solicitous about whipping him just right. "Was that OK? I tried to do it just like you said. I didn't do it wrong, did I? I really tried, honey!" [bursts into tears]


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:54 PM
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By buying pure organic TVP you can make your own organic custom protein bars! All the other bodybuilders will be in awe, and they will vie for your favors.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 8:56 PM
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146 is the saddest story I've ever heard.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:00 PM
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I have apparently cinched our Oscar pool. Go me.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:03 PM
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Suck it, haters.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:26 PM
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I still thin Ann Hathaway looks like an anime fantasy girl, with the big brown eyes, red mouth, and boobs. But I mean that in a good way.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:33 PM
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'bout that French girl, eh ogged?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:33 PM
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Diablo Cody wins!


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:34 PM
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Oh, christ, really? I am so glad I stopped watching.

Wait, no, that was totally hatin'. Whoah, Wizard!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:36 PM
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Best screenplay.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:36 PM
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Wikipedia: Diablo Cody (born June 14, 1978 in Chicago, Illinois) is the pen name of Brook Busey-Hunt,[1] an Academy Award-winning and BAFTA-Award winning Los Angeles-based writer and blogger. First known for her yearlong foray in the stripping and peep show circuits of Minneapolis, which she candidly chronicled on her Pussy Ranch blog and in her 2006 memoir, Candy Girl: A Year in The Life of an Unlikely Stripper, Cody won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for the 2007 film Juno.[2]


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:38 PM
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155: was she wearing the sad mask of her own lost, lamented youth? Was it fabulous?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:38 PM
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No comments on the E! preshow? That was a fiesta of cock jokes just waiting to happen. (Ryan Seacrest could totally date Gavin Newsom with the mouth on him.)


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:43 PM
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I still thin Ann Hathaway looks like an anime fantasy girl, with the big brown eyes, red mouth, and boobs. But I mean that in a good way.

You think we don't realize that this is old man talk for "Anne Hathaway, hubba hubba"?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:51 PM
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Indeed it is. She appeals to my least presentable, least justifiable, most adolescent fantasies. She also seems unreal, as though she might turn into one of those mythological monsters.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:56 PM
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I've always thought Anne Hathaway would benefit from playing down her makeup, using a lighter hand and coloring well within the lines. I think it would make her look even more beautiful, as her current tendency to highlight her gigantic eyes and lips make her look, as you say, totally unreal.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 9:59 PM
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Okay, four hours with the Gene Ontology Tree Machine is enough for tonight, and indeed for the rest of this year.

I actually wanted to watch them this year but all my friends who I watched it with last year moved away.

No extremely annoying and maddening results! That is to say, Juno only won the screenplay award.

Two years in a row an insanely violent film has been Best Picture. My pick for next year's Best Picture is Animated Penguins 3: This Time They're Playing Poker.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:03 PM
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A productive day interspersed with assembling all my "dance music" into one iTunes mix. I'm surprised there's eight and a half hours of it.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:04 PM
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162.3 is a little maddening. Admit it. What if you'd seen her acceptance speech?!? May I remind you she won under her Minneapolis stripper name? Her script used the term "wizard"? Feel the hate, Ned. Feel it.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:05 PM
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Have you people actually dated a submissive woman?

I have, in fact. Makes you realize that constantly having to drag somebody around, tie them up, beat them black and blue, etc. is a *lot of fucking work*. You are in fact servicing them.

But it's true that the blowjobs are fantastic.


Posted by: Chester Arthur | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:06 PM
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Her script used the term "wizard"?

Why, that was a popular adverb around here just last year. Let's not throw the baby out with the backlash.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:08 PM
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166: THIEF! She is a THIEF! Stealing unfogged lines and putting them into the mouth of whatsisface from whatsitcalled playing a high school hoosit? You know you want to hate.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:09 PM
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Aw, homeslice is jealous!


Posted by: PerfectlyGoddamnDelightful | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:11 PM
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Yeah, but she successfully entices the pervs and geeks that way.

After killing Grendel and Grendel's mother, Beowulf journeyed to a distant land where he met a faerie princess named Ann Hathaway. Bewitched by her big brown eyes, red lips, and flesh-colored boobs, he fell deeply in love, and she gave signs that she was in love too. Little did he know that "Anne Hathaway" was in fact Grendel's cousin, and he was much surprised when, at the moment of truth, she turned into an enormous python and swallowed him whole.
Later on she tired of the python life and hooked up with William Shakespeare, whom she had no reason to devour and just gave normal blowjobs to.

Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:11 PM
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168: don't make me reveal my problems with Juno, man. This blog doesn't need that.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:13 PM
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Haven't there already been several dozen threads here about Juno? I didn't read them, but I had the impression that they were very long.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:18 PM
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Two years in a row an insanely violent film has been Best Picture.

Huh. They didn't seem that bad. I took my kids to both.


Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:19 PM
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171: right, that was before I saw it, so I skipped them. I imagine people would not want to revisit, hence 170.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:21 PM
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Well, most of us aren't training our kids to be ninja assassins.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:22 PM
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1. if the inexpensive sandwiches Sifu and Blume enjoyed were, as reported, banh mi, then they are actually extra white, since patronizing exotic cuisines is white like that.

2. I saw Wozzeck in Berlin in 2003 and couldn't figure out what the hell was going on since my German was even worse then.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:22 PM
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Peas. He was being fed nothing but peas. That was what was going on.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:24 PM
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However! outside the opera house I found a rusty railroad spike, which I have had in my possession ever since.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:25 PM
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Call it the Wozzeck spike, and bring it out ceremonially on Wozzeckesque occasions.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:27 PM
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w-lfs-n managed to finalize that deal with Union Pacific, thank god.


Posted by: arthegall | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:29 PM
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Wozzeckesque occasions.

These would be occasions on which peas are served?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:31 PM
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175: the website said expensive sandwiches, no exceptions. What's done is done.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:33 PM
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You fail on one criterion, Sifu, but are caught in the grasp of the other.

This trap can be called The Pincer, after Bilgrami's in Self-Knowledge and Resentment.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:35 PM
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I navigate criteria with supple agility, like an asp. Look! I am gone.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:38 PM
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Certainly the spike should be featured whenever your dinner guests are served meals entirely consisting of peas. But I wouldn't limit it to just that.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:39 PM
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I believe the litmus test for determining whiteness is the following :

Many white people will look into the window of an ethnic restaurant to see if there are other white people in there. It is determined to be an acceptable restaurant if the white people in there are accompanied by ethnic friends. But if there is a table occupied entirely by white people, it is deemed unacceptable.

After all, it's #71 Being the only white person around.


Posted by: Willy Voet | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:53 PM
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Per 185: still black!

Motherfuckers!


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-24-08 10:57 PM
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Oh great. I just woke up and saw who won for Best Original Screenplay. Diablo Cody is going to be, like, completely insufferable now.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:03 AM
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My pick for next year's Best Picture is Animated Penguins 3: This Time They're Playing Poker.

Animated charismatic megafauna: another think that White People Like.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:33 AM
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I saw Wozzeck in Berlin in 2003 and couldn't figure out what the hell was going on since my German was even worse then.

That's a shame, w-lfs-n, because I think this line really would have spoken to you:

HAUPTMANN. Gut, Woyzeck. Du bist ein guter Mensch, ein guter Mensch. Aber du denkst zuviel, das zehrt; du siehst immer so verhetzt aus.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:33 AM
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188: "think" s/b "thing", obvs.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:35 AM
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And another thing: Hooray for the Coen brothers and all, but what is this nonsense that they've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy? The Big Lebowski was adapted from The Big Sleep, Miller's Crossing was adapted from The Glass Key and Red Harvest, and The Ladykillers was a remake of the earlier film with the same title. (Plus The Man Who Wasn't There is pretty derivative of many classic works of film noir.)

Whatever insanely nitpicky definition of "adapted" it is that they are using makes no sense to me.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:54 AM
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Where's Tweety's motherfucking iced tea?


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 5:57 AM
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Whatever insanely nitpicky definition of "adapted" it is that they are using makes no sense to me.

I think it is mostly a strategic decision on the part of the studios to push the screenplays in whichever category the film is most likely to be nominated or win an award. Witness the Coen brothers' nomination for O Brother, Where Art Thou in the category "Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published" (on the transparently ludicrous grounds that it is based on the Odyssey of Homer).


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 6:23 AM
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That's certainly true of Actor vs. Supporting.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 6:44 AM
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Plus, Odysseus was always going on about his choice of hair product. The man, who was never at a loss... for Dapper Dan!


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 6:45 AM
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| |

I fell off the wagon last night W/R/T my Lenten* abstention from alcohol. I'm not sure what the "trigger" was, because I wasn't particularly stressed and it wasn't a situation where alcohol was ordinarily called for (like drinking a glass of wine with dinner). I just felt like having a cocktail. So I made myself one of those martinis with a splash of Pernod that w-lfs-n was touting, and I'll be damned if it wasn't delicious.

As of this morning I am back on the wagon again.

*Technically, Sundays are not part of Lent in the Western Christian tradition, so it wasn't as grave a breach as it seems. However, I had intended to go entirely without alcohol for the whole time until Easter, so it did represent a lapse of self-discipline.
|>


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 6:56 AM
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I always thought the 'Sundays don't count' thing was cheating.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:03 AM
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If we try to tempt you and are unsuccessful, that would make Lent better for you, right Knecht?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:03 AM
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The Coen brothers are predictably snarky about that kind of thing.

See you in Hell, Knecht. My own solution is to quit drinking every night at bedtime and abstain for 12-16 hours. That's a lot of abstaining when you add it up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:08 AM
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Knecht, have you heard of the slippery slope?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:11 AM
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have you heard of the slippery slope?

It's pretty fucking slippery when it's lubricated with cold Bombay gin and Pernod, that's for sure. Nevertheless, I'm holding firm for now.

FWIW, Fleur suggested that I give up commenting on unfogged for Lent. "Whoah!" I said, "Let's not get carried away with this mortification of the flesh shit."


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:15 AM
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I always thought the 'Sundays don't count' thing was cheating.

Heretic!


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:15 AM
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Seriously, I never heard about it until college and always assumed it was one of those 'it depends on what the definition of 'is' is' things. Jesuitical, we might say.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:22 AM
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Is 203 implying that Jesuits are cheaters?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:23 AM
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Cheaters who are really good at philosophy.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:24 AM
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Ain't that always the way.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:25 AM
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In Ireland St. Patrick's Day doesn't count as part of Lent.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:28 AM
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John Matuszak gave up drugs weekly during his football career. That's a lot of sacrifice there. Quitting once is pretty weeny. Without sin there is no repentance, and without repentance there is no salvation. And a single repentance doesn't cut it any more -- the bar has been raised. I'd suggest serial relapses just to be on the safe side.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:30 AM
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I gave up Lent for Lent.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:33 AM
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As Jesus said, the proud Pharisees will be damned in the hell of fire. Slimeballs and junkies -- theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. You can look it up.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:34 AM
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I gave up looking things up for Lent.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:36 AM
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Without sin there is no repentance, and without repentance there is no salvation. I'd suggest serial relapses just to be on the safe side.

Wasn't this pretty much the central theological teaching of Rasputin?

I'll bet you could found a successful sect based on this tenet. In fact, it's likely that someone already has.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:36 AM
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Nevertheless, I'm holding firm for now.

Strength, brother. I'm smoke-free for three days and feelin' great though I have hell of chewed some (non-nicotine, just normal) gum.

I suggest that next year you give up Christianity for Lent, or at least try to sell your local religious leader on the idea just to see the look on his/her/the golden calf's face.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:37 AM
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There have been several Russian heresies of that type, and some of the American revival churches and New Churches come pretty close.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:38 AM
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I suggest that next year you give up Christianity for Lent

You've got it backwards, Robust. I *observe* Christianity for Lent, and dispense with it for most of the rest of the year.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:39 AM
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Oh, and strength to you on the quitting smoking thing. Just think about how you want to grow old together with Rah.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:42 AM
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Among unbelieving Anglicans (the greater number), it's customary to give up alcohol for Lent for the sake of your liver. There is something to be said for this, but it doesn't absolutely require Lent.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:42 AM
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Just think about how slowly you want to grow old together with Rah


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:43 AM
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I'll bet you could found a successful sect based on this tenet. In fact, it's likely that someone already has.

IIRC from a class I took on early Christianity, there were minor let's-sin-to-make-the-crucifixion-really-worth-something sects based on that basic idea from day one.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:44 AM
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Matthew 19:14:

"But Jesus said, Suffer the slimeballs and junkies, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

The received translation is inaccurate, of course.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:44 AM
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Arguably Jesus's whole gimmick was a relapse into being dead.


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:45 AM
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198 to 141 or to 196?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:46 AM
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I suppose I should have said "alive" up there in 221. What's the difference, really, when you think about it?


Posted by: Beefo Meaty | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:46 AM
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Fleur's continued silence about the superior virility of Christians is puzzling.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:46 AM
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224: Well, it must kind of suck if Knecht only observes Christianity during Lent.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 7:51 AM
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222:

Well, I was thinking about wine, but, for a good cause....


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:03 AM
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Perhaps the superior virility is tied to alcohol unuse.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:04 AM
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According to W/k/p/d/a

Stop it. Stop it stop it stop it.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:16 AM
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Wh/, str/s?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:22 AM
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229: s///s // r///////c /n/ d///-//-e////, /n/ t///ks //'/ // a///////ion.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:27 AM
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230: I'd like to buy a vowel -- is there an A?


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 8:29 AM
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it was a great great show :)
i enjoyed to watch beautiful people and dresses


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 02-25-08 3:52 PM
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