Re: Holy Crap

1

Who was she? A swimmer?


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:06 AM
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Also, sorry to hear about the dumpage, but like a friend of mine says, "Every girl that says no gets you closer to the one that says yes."


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:07 AM
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Can we still have her kitty?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:08 AM
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The kitty has been spoken for, and will be delivered as promised.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:09 AM
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But will she be one of those exes you continue to be close to?


Posted by: Martin Wisse | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:19 AM
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I'm sorry, Ogged, that sucks. If I had a teenage daughter, who was thin, but not too thin, and didn't wear lipstick, or high heels, and wasn't Asian, or Russian, and had nice nostrils, to send your way, I would.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:28 AM
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1: I think this was the bass player.

5 has the right question.

Also, if you're looking for trusting teenage daughters, I think you might do better to look to MySpace than rely on commenter referrals.


Posted by: HC | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:36 AM
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Oy. But will you swim in her pool three times a day?

Yeah, 5 is a good question and 4 might be the hint of an answer.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:42 AM
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I thought 5 was answered by the post: she thinks exes, even those who remain friendly, should go their separate ways.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:44 AM
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Ah, well.

I have rarely managed to maintain good relations with exes and I idealize couples that can stay friendly. I do think you are lucky that way.


Posted by: md 20/400 | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:56 AM
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surely this is the opportunity to infuriate here by continuing to go and see her band - and you know that there will be at least one guy at every show who you have something in common with. God that's a good idea for a sitcom.


Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:13 AM
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Nothing a call to Emperor's Club V.I.P. can't cure!


Posted by: RobDP | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:22 AM
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I guess if she thinks all exes are like her idiot exboyfriend she's not going to feel happy with it.

So, still got the wrinkly surfer's phone number?


Posted by: asilon | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 4:14 AM
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I've always envied people who could maintain a sincere friendship with an ex. I'm not sure I've ever understood it, but I've envied it.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 4:19 AM
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Have I said before how bizarre I find attitudes like bpl's? I mean, obviously if there's a huge, crockery-destroying break-up scene and lots of bitterness, then yeah, don't inflict your beastly society on each other anymore. But if it's a relatively amicable break-up, I just don't get it. Because you've stopped schtupping someone, suddenly they're anathema to you? What was so great about them in the first place? But then I have a hard time understanding a lot of stuff about how other people do relationships.

An ex of mine is one of my closest friends, and may very well remain so for the rest of our lives, as far as I can tell.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 5:18 AM
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Obviously, being threatened by the exes is just a cover story. She's found the blog and read the archives.

w-lfs-n should be expecting a seductive phone call shortly.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 5:49 AM
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16: w-lfs-n should be expecting a seductive phone call shortly.

And who knows? Maybe bpl will call him as well.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 5:50 AM
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jms made me laugh out loud in 6.

I've always stayed close to my exs. About 8 months after we started dating, BR and I went to the wedding of my former fiancee. (The fiancee and I had broken up with the fiancee 11 months before this wedding.) We brought the bride's two kids to the wedding

The bride and her sisters pulled BR into the room and she helped the bride get ready. Now, one of the sisters and BR are good friends.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:01 AM
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Crappy!

(And does this mean more swimming posts?)


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:03 AM
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Uh, 19 to the post, not to will's story.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:04 AM
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On the plus side, you are going to really lose weight!!!

The divorce diet!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:04 AM
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have to hold the sympathy, it's like half of the commenting pleasure is gone
so i'm bpl type then, if we happen to meet we are friendly of course otherwise no contacts whatsoever
prediction: she will be back? with apology or not
that's how things work with ups and downs
may be you don't have to burn the bridges so you'll delete this post say in a week


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:10 AM
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Did you at least negotiate that you get to keep the pool after the breakup?


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:14 AM
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It's quite possible that she was threatened less by the possibility of your cheating with an ex than by your continuing emotional connection to them. I have been known to have pangs of jealousy of exes, especially long-term, almost married exes, because they know the person in a way that I don't. I've always been able to get over it, but some people can't, especially if they don't even realize that that's their real fear.

Obviously, I'm just speculating.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:17 AM
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6: Hey jms, can I date your too-thin, lipstick-using, high-heels-wearing, Russo-Japanese teenage daughter?
I'll overlook her nostrils.


Posted by: feldspar | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:17 AM
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23: Yeah, isn't that going to be awkward?


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:17 AM
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Will is very generous in not (openly) regretting the divorce opportunities lost with this premature breakup. Divorce lawyers fattened up on early liberation, but if people just avoid marriage and shack up, and avoid unreasonable marrying, I foresee a lot of weeping divorce-lawyer families driven into penury and homelessness.

I used to agree with Minneapolitan in 15, and the others here who say the same thing, but at this point I regret having tried to stay friendly to my own major ex.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:19 AM
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Sir Kraab gets it right in 24. But Alabama said it more poetically.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:21 AM
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Does the prohibition of sympathy mean we can't link to breakup songs and/or The Cure?


Posted by: hermit greg | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:21 AM
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Alabama needs w-lfs-n's attention.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:25 AM
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Alabama the amateur transcriptionist posting Alabama lyrics on the internet needs w-lfs-n's attention


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:30 AM
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http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001097.html


Posted by: stoneyforest | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:37 AM
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Well, ogged, at least you can have sex with your exes.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:43 AM
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We should have seen this coming when she gave her cat away.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:46 AM
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Ogged should have never given up the hiatus.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:48 AM
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I find it extremely disturbing when someone I'm involved with is on bad terms with all their exes.

(I am on good terms with 1/3 of my exes, bad terms with another third, and feel neutral/just never see the other third. I feel this is a perfect healthy balance, and may need to stop having exes in case they upset it.)

I have no teenage daughters, and wouldn't steer them at Ogged if I did, you pervert. (Said with comity, of course.)

Well, unless they wanted to get swimming tips. Then I'd send them to Ogged with a note containing a death threat and a curse.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:51 AM
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ogged, at least you can have sex with your exes.

Relevant.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 6:56 AM
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36.1 is right. 24 can be an issue too, especially if the ex is known and beloved by your family. That's a lot of years of holiday memories.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:01 AM
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Well, I'm impressed with Ogged about this. No wheedling, no "I don't have to talk to them as much," etc. One of the main reasons I am not friends with my exes is that I'm a very, very close friend to the people I'm friends with, and I end up getting dumped (again) well after the breakup when the new girlfriend says she wants me out of his life.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:24 AM
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I have three teenaged daughters, though they're not so trusting as they used to be.


Posted by: Eliot Spitzer | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:25 AM
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I just got dumped.

Can I get her number?


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:29 AM
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24 strikes me as very perceptive. She doesn't sound jealous of an ex exactly, but wondering how she can fit in when you already have such a tight emotional connection with someone else.

The wife of one of my close high school friends struggled with this regarding his relationship with me. We'd never dated, but we've known each other for sixteen years and I get along really well with his parents (wedding invitation, standing invitation at their house for motorcycle rides), and she found that incomprehensible and a little threatening.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:35 AM
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Because you've stopped schtupping someone, suddenly they're anathema to you? What was so great about them in the first place?

If one of you dumped the other one, there's a power imbalance that makes a normal friendship difficult.

If the breakup was mutual and caused by outside factors, it's a lot more likely to stay friends, or that's how my brain works anyway.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:36 AM
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Ogged, that totally sucks. I've generally tried to stay friends with exes, and for one reason or another it's never worked out, so I really find it admirable when people can make it work.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:37 AM
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No sympathy stras! We must make ogged feel strong and confident by mocking him ruthlessly.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:38 AM
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If one of you dumped the other one, there's a power imbalance that makes a normal friendship difficult.

Yeah, but <cliche>time heals all some wounds</cliche>. I'm on speaking terms with (almost) all of my exes, and one of them is still one of my best friends.

Unless "trustee of part of ebl's daughter's estate" is some kind of weird euphemism for something unspeakably filthy, bpl is a fool.


Posted by: mrh | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:39 AM
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HOORAY FOR OGGED!


Posted by: OPINIONATED GRANDMA | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:40 AM
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It does suck, and I'm sorry. You have my sympathy even if you don't want it.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:40 AM
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49

I wonder if we can get her to start reading the blog now?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:41 AM
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Because you've stopped schtupping someone, suddenly they're anathema to you? What was so great about them in the first place?

In some cases, just the schtupping. Good sex prolongs more than a few incompatible relationships.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:42 AM
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About three months before Rah and I went on our first date, two of my three roommates were dumped by their girlfriends on the same day and I got a drunken, pathetic and depressing attempt at a booty call from a recent ex while I was out of town so that my weekend vacation was spent ignoring and then turning off my cell phone as it rang over and over and over again because he refused to believe I was (a) not interested and (b) hundreds of miles away anyway. That was a really incredible downer of a week.

I'm on good terms with all the exes with whom I have any contact but that doesn't mean that we were all exemplary adults in the immediate aftermath.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:46 AM
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Seems like RMMP missed a hell of a chance for a regret-filled orgy.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:48 AM
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I'm amused by this:

ultimately I couldn't reassure her that there was nothing to worry about, even though there really and truly isn't.

No idea how close to the truth it is, but I like to think of Ogged holding out on the utterance of truth just to be a pain in the ass, sort of like his "no apologies to anyone who's crying" rule.

Ogged, would you settle for just-past-teen undergraduates? I can hook you up.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:48 AM
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Seems like RMMP missed a hell of a chance for a regret-filled orgy.

Regret-filled orgies are never as sexy as you'd think.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:50 AM
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54: that's no reason not to have them, geez.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:51 AM
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28: "There's an old flame, burning in your eyes
That tears can't drown, and make-up can't disguise"

Exactly what kind of make-up would cover her eyes? I hate lazily written lyrics. (That said, it's otherwise a quite appropriate song.)


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:51 AM
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egret-filled orgies are never as sexy as you'd think.

Really, it depends on the species.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:51 AM
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You don't need to completely cover something to disguise it, Sir Kraab.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:53 AM
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Man. I'm actually sitting here, wracking my brains to come up with someone I know who'd be right for ogged.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:53 AM
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I wonder if the scorched-earth breakup isn't more common when there's no pressing reason to break up. I'm far more likely to continue to be friends with exes with whom it was obviously not working out, or where there was cheating or something, and have wondered why. Like, I think when there's something you can point to and say, "See, that's why we broke up," the whole process can go pretty smoothly. It's when there's been no known (to me) reason for the breakup that it's tended to be handled extra-nastily.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:54 AM
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Seems like RMMP missed a hell of a chance for a regret-filled orgy.

If I'm correctly remembering which three were my roommates at the time (it was a big house and roommates rotated in and out over time) I'd already been there and done that in college, thanks. These were fraternity brothers of mine.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:54 AM
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Exactly what kind of make-up would cover her eyes?

Spackle.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:54 AM
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Once again AWB's brain works in exactly the opposite way from mine. (43/60)

If there's no good reason for the breakup, then that means you're just not compatible as a couple, and can go back to being friends, if you were friends before, right?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:55 AM
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Ogged, would you settle for just-past-teen undergraduates?

FL, this is not a way to liven up your seminar.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:55 AM
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60: I think so. A friend of mine got dumped after several years where it was clear that he was just tired of her. He very quickly got married to someone else.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:56 AM
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61: oh. Well good, then.

I was recently at a getaway weekend birthday party for several of my gay friends ('Escape to Cock Island") when the presence of a couple of straights ("Not you [Sifu]," they helpfully explained, "we know you wouldn't have cared.") ruined the chances for an orgy happening. "But [friend]," I exclaimed, "you must have had orgies with [specific object of desire] before!"

He frowned and thought for a minute, and then said "no, no I haven't!" He was as surprised as I was, and inconsolable for much of the rest of the day.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 7:59 AM
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63: For some reason, it's those cases when my boyfriends have felt the need to break up in the most horrible and scarring way possible. I think it has something to do with wanting not to fall back into a comfortable and supportive relationship that's sitting in front of you in your friend, when you know you want to break up, for whatever mysterious reason.

When there's a thing there, like he wants to get married and have kids and I don't, it's very easy to have a nice friendly breakup and continue to be supportive of each other, because there's no danger of falling back into an ultimately destructive relationship.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:01 AM
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63: Sometimes if there's no good reason people feel like they can't get out of the relationship without manufacturing a reason. I know a girl whose fiance broke up with her whose parting argument was 1) she was too smothering towards the cats, and how would she be if they had kids 2) she bought the store brand of canned goods, proving she was a miser.

Less dramatically, I've found it to be harder to get past a breakup where everything seemed to be great except for the fact that it didn't work out than when we were obviously incompatible. In the latter case, it's easy to say 'never was meant to be.' In the former case, it's hard not to feel like it was meant to be, which makes it feel like more of a judgment on me.


Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:03 AM
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In 65, my friend would have been very happy to have married the guy, and he wanted to marry someone. He just didn't want to get married to her.

He wasn't dramatically nasty, he just broke up, disappeared and never spoke to her again. It was the effects that were brutal.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:06 AM
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You don't need to completely cover something to disguise it.

He's talking about the way someone looks at someone else. Save apostropher's very practical spackle suggestion, I can't really see how one would disguise that. Even 3 coats of mascara only goes so far.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:07 AM
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she bought the store brand of canned goods, proving she was a miser

That might be the best terrible reason ever given for a break-up. For one of our break-ups, an on-again off-again boyfriend said the problem was that my Poweruff Girls watch showed I was too frivolous and too engaged in pop culture.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:10 AM
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2) she bought the store brand of canned goods, proving she was a miser.

The fiance did not appreciate thrift. He's the profligate wastrel. Seriously, how can you not buy the store-brand 90% of the time? There are occasions when the brand is superior, but it's rare. You're just a chump if you pay the premium for the brand-name product.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:12 AM
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69: Yeah, that's how Max did me, and apparently he started dating someone else within a week, if he wasn't doing so already. He told me he just couldn't be in a relationship anymore, that he needed to be single. For a week.

All told, I was sort of relieved that the relationship was over, but it's really fucking insulting to get an email after two and a half years with someone you're not fighting with saying he never wants to hear from or speak to you again. No saying goodbye to the kids or mutual friends, no getting any of your stuff back, just gone.

What I ended up guessing, from behavior patterns, was that this was more about his need to make a clean break than it was about him not trusting me to be reasonable about it. My reasonableness about emotional matters creeped him out.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:13 AM
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72. True. Also, a little research will usually reveal that the store brand is a name brand with an anonymous label. However, it doesn't matter, she's well shut of the berk.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:14 AM
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she's well shut of the berk

Translation for the Yanks?


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:17 AM
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75: she's well rid of the jerk


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:21 AM
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Oh, I thought that was somehow insulting her by using "berk" to literally mean the body part.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:23 AM
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Berk is one of those rhyming slang things. It's amusing that 'berk' is used as a fairly mild swear-word when the thing it's rhyming slang for is not.

"Berkshire hunt"


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:25 AM
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"Berk" is rhyming slang for the C word, used exclusively to insult males.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:26 AM
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The Berkeley Hunt was a stag hunt that was famous for 15 minutes in the early c19 when it chased a stag into central London and cornered it in the front door of a mansion in Mayfair.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:28 AM
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'oh, were we dating?' is funny
i recalled the line from one of our pop songs
'you'll wipe your tears with your braid'


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:32 AM
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73: That's just crazy. The other person should always get their stuff back. Except for well-liked t-shirts that fit the other person, or occasionally a great book. Those can be kept as mementos.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:47 AM
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I know how you feel, bro. Brewskis all 'round!


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:53 AM
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80: weirdly, if that is indeed the real derivation, "Berkshire" is pronounced "Bark-shire" while "berk" is pronounced "burke". I've also seen it spelt "birk" and "burk", which makes me doubt the rhyming slang is really the origin.



Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:14 AM
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84. How was it pronounced in 1800?


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:16 AM
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Has no one noted that this post came right after Ogged mentioned his TiVo problems?


Posted by: turbo crouton | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:34 AM
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I have one ex where we don't have any purposeful contact, in order to avoid the destructive restart thing. We have historically found it very difficult not to have sex when the opportunity presents itself. Also, it would be difficult for me to be "friends" with someone I constantly and intensely want to have sex with.

I hesitate to lay down general rules about contact with exes, since I have a variety of different models, but I always find it annoying when getting broken up with to be told that we can still be friends, she still wants to hang out, etc. "I just broke your heart, but let's catch a movie this weekend." There are a ton of people you could be "hanging out" with -- why me in particular?

Sometimes I feel like the break-upper is a little overconfident of their ability to fine-tune exactly what they want from the person and get the person to comply.


Posted by: Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:37 AM
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Also, it would be difficult for me to be "friends" with someone I constantly and intensely want to have sex with.

One solution to this is to have sex with your friends.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:41 AM
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Ogged had better get a Hazmat suit now that we know one-in-four teenage girls has an STD.


Posted by: Defoe | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:53 AM
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Hey, ogged, sorry I missed this thread earlier.

No sympathy for you, because you are obviously doing well. Good relationships with exes is a great good, and loosing a relationship early on is not that bad.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:04 AM
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How could this post not even have a hundred comments? So depressing.


Posted by: mano negra | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:25 AM
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sympathies, ogged.

i just got dumped this past week too. he works where i work (tcha!) and he doesn't know how to act around me anymore, so hostility & little slighting mean things have been directed my way. i think because it was a hard thing for him to break off for various reasons, so he is busy reminding himself of all my most wretched qualities. it is so disappointing to have to experience directly, though. at least you don't feel disappointed in bpl - her reasons seem understandable if unfortunate.

i like being in touch with exes too, but preferably if they live far away from me and we can only be in touch by phone or email. physical proximity seems to throw everything off - for me, it's too hard not to want to fall back into the things you always used to do with person x (falling into their arms).


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:37 AM
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White people like name brand canned goods.

Actually, 72 and 74 are not as right as they think. IME, at least half the time there's a discernible difference in quality, although it occasionally redounds to the store brand. I kind of suspect that, in private label situations, the store brand gets the stuff that doesn't meet the final quality check - tomatoes too runny, or beans too broken up.

That said, canned goods (save tomatoes) generally suck, so who cares?


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:38 AM
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On the plus side for ogged, at least Barkley isn't a commenter here:

That closeness means, however, that nothing is out of bounds. So when Jordan recently went through a divorce, Barkley was supportive -- with no holds barred. "We've been giving Michael a hard time," Barkley told a crowd at the SMU Athletic Forum lunch at the Hilton Anatole on Wednesday. "He just got a divorce [and it was like] damn, bro, you wrote a check for $175 million? Are you kidding me? You must have some damn money. If you can write a check for $175 million, you're damn loaded."
Barkley went on to say that "sports is definitely not the place to be sensitive, no matter what it is. We're going to ride you unmercifully and we told him, 'It's probably bad to write a check for $175 million, but it's going to get worse. When you go visit your kids, there's going to be a guy sitting in your chair, wearing your robe, smoking a cigar." The crowd erupted in laughter, but Barkley still had one more zinger for Jordan, saying: "You better hope it ain't one of us. You better hope it ain't one of your boys. We're all looking for a woman with $175 million."


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:39 AM
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he works where i work

Never never never date inside your office (he says from experience).


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:40 AM
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The other person should always get their stuff back.

This is one of the reasons I never took the initiative in breaking up with the Bad Old GF - I had good reason to believe that I would only be able to save/retrieve a fraction of my possessions (shared household). In the end, because she initiated it, the possessions dispersal went about as well as could be expected.

We're nominally on friendly terms, but she never even told me when she had a second kid, so I don't think that counts. I was friends with all other exes, until one had a crazy jealous BF, broke off most contact, then dumped him and moved away, for some reason not telling me or another friend she'd frozen out. Doesn't really credit her much, but I still miss her.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:42 AM
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You better hope it ain't one of your boys. We're all looking for a woman with $175 million.

Beautiful.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:44 AM
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6: Ogged doesn't like Asians (or Russians)? What's wrong with Asians (or Russians)?

I'm sorry Ogged. I never stay too close to exes, but then again I have but one (traumatic breakup that was, I thought I was going to marry him), and am still working on someday-to-be-ex #2. I don't know what lesson I am supposed to take from your experience, either 1) the mature thing to do is to be friends with your exes, or 2) being friends with your exes is still looked upon as weird and will fuck you over in your next relationship.

In all seriousness though, it's something I admire, although I can't do it myself. It's like you and makeup. The emotionally close ex just displaces me from the center of my partner's universe.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:47 AM
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whoops, i mean: no sympathy at all. where's the progress on that butterfly stroke?

95: yes, one knows these things, and then one goes and does it anyway...
confessional time: i think he feels extra like crap and therefore like treating me like crap because he broke things off 2 days before valentine's day, the week before my thirtieth birthday, 4 months after my mother died. aaah.

it actually feels better being on my own now.


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:48 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about your mother, mmf. That's rough.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:50 AM
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I second the condolences about your mom, mmf.

As for condolences for the recently dumped, Leonard Cohen gets it just right.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:54 AM
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So sorry about your mom, mmf.


Posted by: SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:57 AM
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that sucks mmf, sorry to hear it.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:58 AM
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In place of sympathy, some brusque advice: lose no sleep over insecure people (who suck), and never try to stay friends with your exes. (Stay friendly with them, but not friends; cockblocking is just one of the many ways they can mess with you.) Otherwise, dsquared's suggestion is pretty great.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:58 AM
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(Condolences to mmf. Wow.)


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:59 AM
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I'm sorry mmf. That's more than most can take.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:59 AM
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Oh that's hard mmf!. I hope that you're getting the support you need.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:59 AM
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mmf!, really sorry to hear about your mom. All the best.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:00 AM
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Has anyone heard from Penny or Wrongshore?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:00 AM
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Leonard Cohen gets it just right

Man, that's a beautiful song.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:01 AM
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Sorry to hear about your mom, mmf!

By the way, do you wear excessive make-up?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:01 AM
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Leonard Cohen gets it just right

He almost always does.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:02 AM
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Leonard Cohen gets it just right

Hadn't seen that version before. Pretty funny from Leonard at the start, too -- "We first sang this in a hotel room in Newport ... we sang it all night."


Posted by: Gonerill | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:02 AM
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109: Have they run off together?


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:02 AM
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114: Penny's dad died a week or two ago, and Wrongshore's grandmother died.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:04 AM
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Oh, shit. I'm sorry I was glib.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:05 AM
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wrongshore was posting as of 1 am last night.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:06 AM
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Wronghsore's grandmother's death sounded quite peaceful, and it sounded like they were going to do a bang-up send off at the funeral. I'm more worried about Penny.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:08 AM
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I suppose my position, acknowledged or unacknowledged, on the "staying friends" thing can be determined from the fact that I still talk to one of my ex-girlfriends pretty much daily, but rarely if ever to most of the others.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:08 AM
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Was her dad's death unexpected?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:09 AM
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What about Brock Landers? How are his intestinal parasites and rectal cancer?


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:09 AM
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thanks for the kind words, all.


Posted by: mmf! | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:10 AM
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Sometimes if there's no good reason people feel like they can't get out of the relationship without manufacturing a reason.

A favorite of the genre: I like to sleep with the window open and you keep the window closed.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:13 AM
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Ned, I think Brock is working like crazy. The last time he posted he had slept at the office. I may send him an e-mail to check up on him.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:14 AM
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Condolences, mmf!.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:14 AM
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I say tomato...


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:15 AM
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120: I don't know, Will, and I'm not sure how old Penny is.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:15 AM
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Penny has posted since. Her dad's death was, I think, unexpected, but iirc he had battled mental illness.

BG your files are usually more up-to-date than mine.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:18 AM
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Bostonians take all the prizes:

BG wins the "Most Compassionate" superlative.

Sifu wins "Most Likely to Blog while Getting it on."

Blume wins "Best Eyebrows."


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:23 AM
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130: Will, did you see that one of the folks arrested in the Emperor's Club sting was a UVA English major? They should totally put her in the alumni mag.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:28 AM
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Really? That is sweet!

I hope someone sends it in. A lot of us former UVa English majors became whores to the dollar.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:31 AM
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where did you see that?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:31 AM
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I win the award for being most useless on this thread, as I have no exes.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:32 AM
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Sorry to hear about your mom, mmf!


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:34 AM
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130: I had a high school teacher who told me that he visited a former student who'd been imprisoned for drug trafficking. He had worked in law enforcement for the CIA and decided to switch teams, since the criminal end was more lucrative. The teacher wasn't sure how he felt about visiting a jail bird.

I wrote him back, saying that the guy should write in to the alumni mag in the breezy style that those entries always have: "Decided to switch over to running cocaine. Got caught. Have been staying in Federal Prison No. in Florida. Would welcome visits from any X-ians in the area."


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:34 AM
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Me too, SP.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:35 AM
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136- How did you dispose of yours?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:37 AM
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Follow the link in 136 and see.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:38 AM
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He's talking about the way someone looks at someone else. Save apostropher's very practical spackle suggestion, I can't really see how one would disguise that.

Misdirection? No one can see the way you're looking because they're blinded by the glitter swastika painted on your forehead. Alternately, you could use a combination of plucking and makeup to make your eyebrows look permanently surprised or glowering, thus disguising the affective valence of your fiery stare. Or you could draw sidelong-glancing or crosseyed eyeballs on your eyelids, or just a second set of eyes on your cheeks, to confuse the matter.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:47 AM
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we are close, and ultimately I couldn't reassure her that there was nothing to worry about, even though there really and truly isn't

You know that if you go to her place with flowers and tell her you're sorry for not saying this earlier but that's really the way it is, it's not romantic - you're just that kind of guy, and it's not going to be a problem for your relationship and so it's a stupid reason break up with you if she really likes you, then you could probably fix this, right?

Idiot.


Posted by: Michael | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:53 AM
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139: I clearly have an exceedingly limited imagination.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:55 AM
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You know that if you go to her place with flowers

Too beta. Stop trying to fuck up Ogged's sarge.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:59 AM
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140: I've fallen into that trap too many times; it never really works and you just wind up feeling like a bigger schmuck. Don't do it ogged -- what's done is done and cannot be undone!


Posted by: Di | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:02 PM
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140 gets it right.

I have all manner of insecurities, but if reassured that there isn't a possibility of betrayal, and that this relationship could grow to be just as (and maybe even more) intimate than the previous relationships that still continue in emotional intimacy, and that our relationship would be the prime focus--then I would try to adjust. If you like the guy, you like the guy and as much of his baggage as you can tolerate.

The question is though, what bpl thinks she can handle. Maybe this is too hard for her. Relationships are all about adjustments and the mediation of comfort zones.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:03 PM
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everyone realizes that "too friendly with his exs" means she is afraid that he is going to blog about her?


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:05 PM
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We're all ogged's ex?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:06 PM
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His one true love.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:08 PM
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Incidentally, w-lfs-n, this made me think of you, but in a good way, because I never want to smack you, but I can see that.

If you are offended, I am sorry, and I promise to make chocolate pudding the next time you come for dinner.

I got the card here.


Posted by: Belle Lettre | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:10 PM
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139: Paint an oversized set of fierce eyes on your back, to confuse and frighten would-be predators!


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:11 PM
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The question is, will Ogged go to her next gig and act all pouty?

Ooh, he and her ebl could pout together!

Maybe they could form a band (OK, duet)!


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:13 PM
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I second AWB's congratulations in 39. You know your life, better to have been honest than try to make false compromises.

Besides, you were already starting to blog again, a hiatus can't last forever.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:14 PM
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He and her ebl should both show up at her next gig with $8,000-a-night courtesans!


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:15 PM
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Oh, and for the record, 123 is a perfect reason to end a relationship. I was pretty much ready to smother my freshman roommate in his sleep over that issue. Granted, I wasn't getting any from him - it's possible that, if the sex were good enough, I could live with the windows closed.

But probably not.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:15 PM
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150: only one of 'em's going to be acting pouty, if you get my drift.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:16 PM
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Sifu wins "Most Likely to Blog while Getting it on."

Don't encourage him!

mmf!, I think when you see the stupidboy at the office, you should kick him in the shins.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:30 PM
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118 is exactly right, as far as this man's grandmother's death is concerned. Thanks for thinking of us, BG. I noted somewhere else that these harpists played for her during her last week.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:56 PM
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Glad to hear that you're doing okay, Wrongshore.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 12:58 PM
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Oh, and for the record, 123 is a perfect reason to end a relationship.

I tend to agree, actually, but that's not how it's intended in the song.


Posted by: JL | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:03 PM
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Aww, shit. Also, "trysting" is misspelled in the last sentence of the post.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:07 PM
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On the exes question, I am going to be one of three non-family guests at my high school ex's wedding this summer, and she was one of my groomsmen.

At the other end, my ex-wife and I send hesitant, friendly emails back and forth, but neither of us is prepared to have an actual friendly relationship yet. My new relationship isn't quite settled enough for me to let my ex-wife back in, and I don't think my ex-wife has entirely come to terms with our breakup--she seems convinced that the proper thing for me to do was remain married to her while she lived alone and dated, and then after some number of years went by, have children with her.

The last bit, I admit, is just a hunch since we don't talk much. But we catch each other up a bit at a time; I let her know that the song my grandmother passed away to was the same one we danced to at our wedding. (No one else noticed.)


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:17 PM
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Now that you're single, mmf!, I feel free to tell you—I have always wanted to make love to a woman with punctuational nomenclature.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:20 PM
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Now you tell us, Ben.


Posted by: ┬┐Blume? | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:22 PM
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If only I had an English degree, I might be able to puzzle out the subtext that I'm just sure is lurking in 162.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:25 PM
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Yeah!


Posted by: ¡Sifu Tweety! | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:25 PM
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We can't all be the elite, Ben.


Posted by: `soup biscuit' | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:27 PM
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I don't have an English degree either. Maybe AWB or B can help.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:28 PM
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Say, I don't have an English degree, either!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:29 PM
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I was an English major at UVa! If it was good enough for the Emerald Club, it should be good enough for Unfogged.


Posted by: Will | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:29 PM
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167: Lamest pickup line ever.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:30 PM
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What kind of degree are you aiming for, Sifu?


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:30 PM
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170: associates, in applied finger painting.

169: whatever works.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:32 PM
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The fifth diamond.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:32 PM
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Now I want to finger paint. I love that special shiny paper!


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:36 PM
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One start for people w/o English degrees is to read the canon.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 1:38 PM
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Stupid chick.

So now you show up at her gigs and act like her other ex, right?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 2:45 PM
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The three of you should form a band, BPL and Her Exes. You could pioneer a new genre and call it mopecore.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 2:53 PM
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It's called emo, Jesus.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 2:57 PM
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Hey B, did you get my e-mail?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:00 PM
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So now you show up at her gigs and act like her other ex, right?

Right, and then they can bail on the gig and end up in a dive bar down the street buying double rounds of bourbon and declaring ever lasting friendship.


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:03 PM
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Mopecore would be like emo lyrically but shoegaze musically.

Some of the tracks on Arab Strap's Mad for Sadness anticipate such later mopecore bands as BPL and Her Exes and Hemlock.


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:04 PM
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otherwise known as shoemo


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:06 PM
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181: Maybe


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 3:10 PM
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Strangely, the Biophysicist's ex-wife and I went on a shopping trip in San Francisco together. She doesn't exactly like me, but she appreciates that I care about and am nice to her kids. It was a little weird discussing the Biophysicist's colour preferences in shirts, tho'.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 4:10 PM
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Hey B, did you get my e-mail?

Um, I haven't gone through my email in a few days, but a quick look at the inbox suggests maybe I didn't. Try again?


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 8:26 PM
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Oddly, 72 makes me want to date BG. I am, however, a chump at least some of the time. Although most of the canned goods I buy are soups and there are noticeable differences between the brands.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 9:04 PM
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Ex-Before-Last is no longer actually your ex-before-last. She's now the ex-before-the-ex-before-last.

A change in terminology is called for here.


Posted by: Magpie | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:22 PM
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184: Re-sent.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 10:37 PM
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187: Got it, thanks. I'm a GENIUS of the INTERWEBS.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 03-13-08 11:11 PM
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