Re: Crossed Off the World's Lamest Bucket List

1

Heresy. Everyone knows sun tea is where the action is.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:26 PM
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The Unfoggedtariat talk big about sex, but they're really more the tea-sipping type.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:29 PM
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Pshaw. I make tea out of sun-dried tomatoes.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:30 PM
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Actually, we prefer to talk small about sex.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:32 PM
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We're talking about tea-bagging, right?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:37 PM
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Ya know, I just think that iced tea brewed with boiling water tastes a lot better.

And for the record, I never did like Meekins better than ogged.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:39 PM
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But belated congratulations anyway Meekins!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:39 PM
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Tea-bagging is like so five minutes ago, heebie. Everyone's tea-looseleafing one another these days. Artisinal humiliation is where it's at.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:40 PM
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I believe someone's supposed to say "pacing!" right about now.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:41 PM
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5: Did I ever tell you that my old boss (who was, basically, David Brent but also a very straight-laced minister) tried to make a yuk-yuk joke about starting a hip-hop collaboration with Ice T under his new rap name, Tea Bag? That wasn't awkward AT ALL.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:42 PM
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In five minutes more, the in-thing will be picking the tea leaf strands out of one's teeth.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:43 PM
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I'm tempted to say Meekins is obviously Yglesias but, no spelling errors. So I'll go back to my assumption that Meekins is McArdle.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:43 PM
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I really do miss ogged. How did I miss that he was the blog's only source of news and politics threads?


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:44 PM
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Ogged was my only source of swimming news.

Now with the Olympic trials going on, I'm having to read up on Phelps all on my own.


Posted by: Michelle | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:48 PM
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Sometimes when I try to think about Ogged, I can't remember him directly. It's only when I'm not thinking about him that I'm sometimes like, "Yeah, I knew that guy."


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:54 PM
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11: Did you wake up this morning with $20 on your nightstand and some tea leaf strands in your teeth?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:54 PM
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16: I bet it was "ooh! long!"


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:55 PM
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17: I'm not sure, but it was definitely tippy.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:56 PM
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19

Why is everything stained brown?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:57 PM
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19: Stained?

Racist.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:59 PM
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Something right up Apo's ....alley


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 8:59 PM
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22

In my family one's skill at making iced tea was a rough proxy for one's total worth. I cannot count the number of times I heard "...but they make good iced tea" or "...but their iced tea is so disappointing" tacked onto an opinion about someone.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:02 PM
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i almost bought allegedly fancy green tea from a chinese shop the other day. Then, I decide that simple and easy beat out harder work when it comes to tea.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:07 PM
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So, um, how's your iced tea, Robust?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:08 PM
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Actually my iced tea is quite good. (Boiled; everything else is a gimmick.)


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:09 PM
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Sweetened?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:09 PM
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How much sugar do you put in?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:10 PM
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Pwnd?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:10 PM
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Yes, of course, M/tch.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:11 PM
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Pacing?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:11 PM
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Beuler?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:11 PM
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Bueller?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:11 PM
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33

Sp?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:12 PM
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15: Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of Ogged, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.


Posted by: Fyodor Dostoevsky | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:12 PM
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34: Ogged is not a White Bear.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:13 PM
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A White Camel?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:15 PM
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37

Faster Pussycats, Comment! Comment!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:15 PM
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35: That's not what I was thinking of.


Posted by: Fyodor Dostoevsky | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:16 PM
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22 is really funny. Although my measure of tea quality includes whether it is sweetened, and I suspect that everybody McManly's family knew was making sweet tea. (Ugh.)


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:16 PM
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OK, here's the way to make good iced tea: take two family-size teabags and one normal-sized bag of Earl Grey. Boil a teapot of water, then throw the bags in while it's on the eye and immediately remove it from heat. Let it sit for seven minutes. Put a cup of sugar in a gallon jug and run just enough cold water in to stir the sugar a little - an inch or two at most. The sugar won't all dissolve but that's fine, you just want to get it started; I do not know why, I am an initiate not a guru. Pour the steeped tea into the jug with the bags still in the water. Run cold water into the teapot, over the bags, and repeat until full. Then take the bags out, hold them over the jug in both hands and squeeze them like you absolutely want them to die.

This is how you make good tea, people. Sure, fancy cold tea is easy, too, but you don't get to squeeze anything with murderous rage and it's not enough effort to claim you can judge a person's worth by it so I really don't see how it's got a thing to recommend it.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:17 PM
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41

Is that where our beloved commenter got her moniker?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:19 PM
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39: Yankee!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:20 PM
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a cup of sugar

Knew it.

In other news, in preparing mango drinks the other night, I found that the reason I couldn't find the green cardamom at the spice store was that it was stored behind the counter. Presumably to forestall shoplifting. My word, that stuff is expensive.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:20 PM
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41: No, heebie got her moniker from her older brothers.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:20 PM
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Yankee!

You say that like it's an insult.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:21 PM
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41: No.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:21 PM
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37: Faster Pussycats, Comment! Comment!

Yeah, I think 06-30-08 5:51 PM to 06-30-08 7:36 PM scared folks.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:22 PM
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48

You say that like it's an insult.

Only when it comes to tea. And baseball, I'm led to believe.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:23 PM
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49

My word, that stuff is expensive.

Not if you don't pay for it.

sweet tea. (Ugh.)

Witt is great. Shame her iced tea is so disappointing, bless her.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:25 PM
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46: OK who thought of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man A White Bear.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:25 PM
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51

And baseball

'Tis true.

Mets are worse, though.

(I am distracting myself from the melancholy of seeing the obituary of a really terrific man, an activist who used his legal skills and local knowledge to fight for better land-use planning. He was only 70 -- I didn't even know he was sick. Too sad.)


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:26 PM
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The best tea is Tibetan, made with barley, salt, and ghee (drawn butter). It gives you most of your basic nutrients. You need a special kind of tea called "stems and seeds", though. You can only get it in Tibet.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:27 PM
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53

44. No our belovedcommenter.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:27 PM
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54

Thank you for saying "only" seventy.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:28 PM
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55

Shouldn't that be bless her heart, M/tch?

(Your years away from the South have contaminated you!)


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:28 PM
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You need a special kind of tea called "stems and seeds", though.

Wow, Emerson, those kids down the street totally sold you a bill of goods.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:28 PM
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52: I thought it was made with rancid butter, not drawn butter.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:29 PM
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55: Damn. You're totally right. I was speaking Britishese there for a second.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:31 PM
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No, no, Heeb. The Chinese and the Indians sold the Tibetans a bill of goods, but they like it! Tibet is at the end of the retail chain, where the factory seconds and damaged goods go.

Drawn rancid butter.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:32 PM
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60

What is drawn butter? I've always heard ghee described as clarified butter. Are they the same?

58: Hah. And to think that I hear it most often from my Minnesota-raised colleague.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:32 PM
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And not that I'm complaining, but aren't you supposed to be on vacation, apo?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:32 PM
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60: Actually now that you mention it the particular British person I'm thinking of (from Somerset if I recall correctly) would usually just say "bless".


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:34 PM
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60: "Bless her heart" is used in a wide variety of polite cultures as a substitute for "God, how I hate her."


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:34 PM
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54: Well, he should have had a lot of fighting years left. Look at Studs Terkel, publishing his autobiography at 94.

The world is a worse place. I'll send a donation to the designated charity, but man what a shame.


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:34 PM
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I leave tomorrow night. I just got sick of deleting spam today, and so called it a day early.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:36 PM
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66

"Drawn butter" and "clarified butter" are the same, butter oil without the solids. Why the Tibetans call it "clarified butter" I don't know. Weird Buddhist reasons, probably.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:36 PM
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67

I have to admit, I don't get the title of this post.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:37 PM
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68

The Tibetans have 6 billion names for butter.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:38 PM
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Around here what you say is "she really means well". Specifically about a Democratic leader and busybody my Mom's age who works her butt off for the cause but annoys the hell out of everyone whatsoever, especially Democrats.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:39 PM
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63: My encounters with it have been signifying pity rather than hate. Roughly, "poor little mental defective".


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:40 PM
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Each of the 6 billion names stands for another 6 billion names. Butter and exponentiation are very important in the Tibetan Buddhism.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:40 PM
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67: I think on Meekins list of things to do before he died was to write the world's lamest Unfogged post.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:41 PM
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73

Shall we tell him it's cool to die anytime?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:41 PM
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74

70: So did your encounters with it sting more or less than open hate of you would have?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:42 PM
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72: That's a high bar to clear, especially if you aren't going to mention swimming.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:42 PM
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Awww, lay of poor Meekins. Somebody has to be the lamest poster.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:43 PM
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Poor Apo, bless his heart, doesn't always understand what people are saying about him.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:43 PM
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78

In Tibetan culture, the highest form of sanction is to be drawn and buttered.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:45 PM
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74: It was usually followed up by awesome pity sex, so I'm going to say open hate would have been worse.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:45 PM
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72, 73: Do we know Meekins is a he?

72, 76: Are you guys trying to make w-lfs-n's head explode from a distance? Because it might work.

Unrelatedly: When do we get new About pages?


Posted by: Witt | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:45 PM
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Goodnight y'all, bless your hearts.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:46 PM
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Are you guys trying to make w-lfs-n's head explode from a distance? Because it might work.

It already has, Witt, it already has. Bless his heart.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:48 PM
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80: Are you guys trying to make w-lfs-n's head explode from a distance?

Naw, it's a natural gift. I just try to think of nothing at all and out it comes. Ben's just a guilty bystander.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:50 PM
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When do we get new About pages?

I think the declaration of my intention to sell my About page as Cialis® ad space dampened the enthusiasm. It could be awhile.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:52 PM
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You should always check ID before the pity sex, Apo, because it can be a felony for a guy your age.

Relatedly, there's the most incredible Daisy Duke barmaid in the biker bar in the next town over (pop. 50). You just want to take her to Hollywood and make her a big star. Her mom came in and it turns out she (the mom) is my son's age. She just barely fits under the 1/2+7 bar the fuddy-duddies around here have unreasonably imposed. She's gorgeous though, prettier than Miss Minnesota Congeniality 2006 and prettier than the barmaid's daughter who had a bit part in LA Law.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 9:53 PM
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86

White-bear obsessiveness also figures in Tolstoy's biography; he and his brothers had a game, the winner of which was the first who could stand in a corner and not think of a white bear. The Russians are funny like that. I've managed not to think of a white bear for hours and even days on end, but I'll confess that that was before Knut and Flocke. I don't know how many words the Russians have for white bears, but to my knowledge they have the greatest lexicon of obscenities anywhere—a single verb, for example, describes intercourse with the woman's legs over the man's shoulders. If only their economy exhibited the same economy.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 10:11 PM
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It offends me that meekins has not been seen in the comments. Come back, meekins! Your public needs to mock you in person, and not just at your blog, but here, too.

85: sqrt + 12, John. Learn it, live it, love her.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 10:12 PM
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A firefly just flew into our house! We rescued it. Be free, firefly. Steer clear of mean, lying female fireflies, or else be truthful in your flashings and eat not of your brethren.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 10:18 PM
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86: In fact I had always heard the story about Tolstoy myself, but looking it up tonight, I began thinking that may be apocryphal. Interested if it really is something he reported.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 10:21 PM
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88 is a parable, directly addressing the concerns in 87, but widely applicable to matters of business, the heart, and minor statecraft.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 10:22 PM
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91

A good recipe for making ice tea:

Don't. Just Don't.


Posted by: Martin Wisse | Link to this comment | 06-30-08 11:55 PM
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92

Meekins reads like Yglesias.


Posted by: Dr. Zeuss | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 12:57 AM
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OK, here's the way to make good iced tea: take two family-size teabags

FAIL.

(teabags are where they put all the sweepings that aren't good enough to sell as loose leaf tea. In other words, teabags:loose leaf::instant coffee:ground coffee.)

Also, some of the compounds that give proper tea its taste aren't soluble in water below 80 C - that's 64 Réamur, for people who don't use Celsius - which is why it's important to use boiling (not boiled) water.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 2:35 AM
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94

Here, try a Gummi lighthouse.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 4:40 AM
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95

Which end do you bite first?


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 4:56 AM
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95: The slimy end, right?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 5:03 AM
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95: Biting is deprecated. Trying sucking the lighthouse instead.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 5:14 AM
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Boil a teapot of water, then throw the bags in while it's on the eye and immediately remove it from heat.

On the eye? What does that mean? Some kind of fancy-ass elitist tea lingo?

Ajay, as noted above, tea should be shaved from black fermented blocks and is properly prepared with salt and rancid butter. What do the English know about tea?


Posted by: Tenzin Gyatso | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 6:47 AM
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clarified butter
nothing mysteriously buddhist, it's just you melt the butter and it's liguid oily part becomes that, though we call it just yellow butter
Tibetans use not cow milk though, yak milk i suppose i'm not sure maybe it's male specimen or the kind used for the trasportation called that in English maybe
our making of butter is very different from the methods anywhere, including Tibetan
you boil the milk first, then you make a lot of air babbles on its surface using the laddle, allow it to cool, the air babbles trap the milk fat in it, very creamy, the most delicious butter in the world imo, then you collect it in one dish preferably folding without crease and now can eat it fresh, if you collect many crusts into one container, and let it be for a while it'll become a bit sour in taste, nothing rancid, it's called 'white' butter - tsagaan tos, if you melt it, you get that, yellow butter - shar tos


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 7:45 AM
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On the eye? What does that mean?

It's like you've never been teabagged.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 7:46 AM
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101

q


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 7:47 AM
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101 to 100. Qobe gonna get teabaqqed.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 7:49 AM
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(teabags are where they put all the sweepings that aren't good enough to sell as loose leaf tea. In other words, teabags:loose leaf::instant coffee:ground coffee.)

It's a big ol' world of hurt and disappointment, ajay. My tea builds character. Yours builds false expectations.

On the eye?

Oh for the love of little apples. My tea recipe involves using a stovetop. If you need something more rustic I'm sure ajay will have plenty of chips & shavings left over after making hand-shaped briquettes of artisanal coal.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 8:24 AM
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Haven't read the thread. Lipton's is not quite tea, though. Floor sweepings of a tea warehouse. Chinese bodegas sell whole leaf green tea that you can cold brew and then filter. Cheaper, better, more antioxidants than fermented leaves. Cold-brewed tea is a novelty because historically, boiling the water for tea was what made the water potable.

South asian groceries sell cardamom for 10% of the price of swipple spice merchants. Also homemade samosas on weekends, possibly sold with a head waggle.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 8:41 AM
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105

Watch those antioxidants, though. If people see you turning blue, they should rush you to the hospital to avoid liability, but it will be too late.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 8:45 AM
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Oh for the love of little apples.

The wha? That's the best McManly southernism since "shit nickels".

105: I bet you don't cotton to silver nitrate, neither.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 8:51 AM
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If you feel the need for deoxidation, CO is a powerful, inexpensive antioxidant. Just shut the garage door, leave the car's engine running, and in an hour or so you'll be fully deoxidized. You might bring something to read, but you'll find yourself getting sleepy pretty quickly so don't bring anything very demanding.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:02 AM
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Speaking of toxic gas, does anyone have a suggestion for calming agents preparatory to my first dental checkup in like ten years? I don't have anything soothing around the house, or a prescription for anything soothing, but I am very, very nervous.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:15 AM
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No, JM, but you strike me as a candidate for my once-and-for-all extraction solution to the tooth problem. It also tends to liberate you from the possibility of relationships.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:22 AM
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108: Xanax. You almost certainly know somebody with a prescription.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:22 AM
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108: If our dominant religion was Islam you could buy liquid valium like they do in Iraq, but here in Christian America you are stuck with alcohol.

In town we've got a Dentist who says he specializes in fearful clients. I don't know if that means he is loose with the nitrous but I've found nitrous to be remarkably calming. And pleasant. And legal - from a dentist.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:27 AM
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112

Meditation or selections from the Dhammapada? YMMV, obvs.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:30 AM
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113

There are several dentists here in Durham who do sedative dentistry. Surely there are even more in NY. Caveat: your insurance won't cover the cost of the sedation.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:31 AM
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It's just a cleaning----this time. I don't have time to run down someone with a xanax prescription, unfortunately. Christ I hate dentists.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:32 AM
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115

That's the best McManly southernism since "shit nickels".

Pleased as I would be to take credit, it's a Cala-ism.

I actually don't take offense at anyone else's method of making tea. When I make hot tea I go loose-leaf because my snobbery has to leak out somewhere.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:33 AM
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108: does anyone have a suggestion for calming agents preparatory to my first dental checkup in like ten years?

Me, I'd just let them be anxious. But if you fell you must, write in some guaranteed fees in case the dental work leaves you unmarketable and cover that eventuality with an insurance policy.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:34 AM
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They do sedation for cleanings; both my wife and the crazy woman I dated between marriages used it. I kinda like going to the dentist. It makes me feel all clean and hygienic.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:35 AM
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115: When I make hot tea I go loose-leaf because my snobbery has to leak out somewhere.

I refuse to buy Mountain Dew from chains, only getting it from certified mom'n'pop grocery stores.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:37 AM
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What's I'm really afraid of is the guilt trip that dentists seem to feel is a necessary component of their care. "Oh, I can see that you don't floss every day! You should be brushing your teeth fifty-seven times a day, you loser!"


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:38 AM
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During the period of my life when I had teeth I probably had a hundred appointments. Extractions, root canals, everything. Piece of cake. I tried to figure out a way to be a surrogate dental subject for people. There are technical difficulties, apparently.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:39 AM
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I haven't been to the dentist in 12 years, and what keeps me from going, mostly, is that goddamn guilt trip. I'd love to see someone advertise judgment-free dentistry.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:41 AM
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Oh, I can see that you don't floss every day!

Respond with "Yeah, I know. By the way, you should tweeze those eyebrows and get that thing on your cheek removed."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:42 AM
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My dentist is usually pretty good about that, and mostly happy with my cleaning regimen. Exacpt of course the last time I went, when the hygenist took one look and exclaimed "Oh my god, what have you done to your beautiful teeth?!" Which caught me off-guard mostly because I hadn't been doing anything differently than I'd been doing for the last 15 years. Except, um, I've been drinking more coffee recently? She advised me to cut back.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:44 AM
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I figure that the best approach will be to go in announcing loudly that dentistry makes me hysterical, that I haven't been in forever, that I will pay in cash this time, but that if they get all judgmental on me I will never darken their door again. And then be nice and normal, so that they WANT me to come back.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:45 AM
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What's I'm really afraid of is the guilt trip that dentists seem to feel is a necessary component of their care.

Hello?! Lying!! If you are really virtuous consider it a "white" lie because it gets you to your appointment or something.

I mean really people. Has no one else figured this one out? You know the answers they want to hear. Make them happy. Make the world a better place.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:46 AM
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exclaimed "Oh my god, what have you done to your beautiful teeth?!"

This is really unacceptable.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:46 AM
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JM, you should be looking for an office that does what's called, IIRC, "sedation dentistry." At the very least I'd bet a nickel there's a dentist around who's willing to subscribe small amounts of Valium for cleanings.

On preview, apwned.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:48 AM
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Tripp, if you say you've been flossing every day and your gums look like shit, the hygenist is going to say "oh, let me show give you some pointers on technique" and then you're still going to get a lecture.

Also, why the hell don't you people floss?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:48 AM
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You know the answers they want to hear. Make them happy.

What, "yes Ms. Hygienist, you are right and I am wrong and disgusting and of course I will mend my ways and live a life of fear and come for regular scoldings five times a year"? And for that you pay them?


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:48 AM
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See. I've been telling you about preventive dentistry but you haven't been listening. "When in doubt, pull it out!" No trouble ever again from that mofo!

No, I'm not kidding. 10-15 years ago I actually did pay $2000-$3000 out of pocket (plus whatever insurance paid) for pretty teeth that ended up going bad anyway. My anti-tooth policy is really only that old. I should have gone that way starting 30 years ago, the way the older generation used to.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:56 AM
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My experience has been that you get what you pay for-- cut-rate dentists hard sell and are aggressive about suggesting treatments, a tactic that may work well with a poor and less educated clientele, while pricier ones don't. Avoid dentists who take out ads or have large group practices, IMO. It's like paying extra for ad-free programming, but personalized.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:58 AM
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I think my fears may have coalesced around a scene from one of those autopsy-murder novels, in which a young woman's dental records shows that she used to have good care as a child and then every single bad habit and sign of self-neglect was recorded for easy decoding on her teeth. It was probably a Patricia Cornwall novel since it was SO FREAKING JUDGMENTAL.

Anyway, gotta go. Wish me fortitude.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 9:59 AM
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If they harangue you about flossing, bite off a finger. Nine-fingered dental hygienists are pointedly non-judgmental.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:02 AM
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One of the joys of living in France and the U.K. was that my teeth--which are neither particularly straight nor particularly white by ordinary swipple standards--were considered glorious examples of dental health by local standards, so I always got a pat on the back at the dentist.

My French dentist, a gorgeous fifty-something Jewish parisienne, would always tell me, "You must call your mother and thank her for giving you such beautiful teeth."

Then Dr. G. would (because the dentists there still do the actual work) lean over my reclined torso and shorten the distance between my eyes and the exposed tops of her pendulous breasts to a few inches, and I would delight in the sight of her glorious decolletage while she polished away on my teeth, and strains of Chopin from the stereo speakers competed with the noise of the drill....


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:02 AM
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132: If it gets really bad you can always bite them.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:03 AM
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JM, oral sex leaves unmistakable marks on your teeth. In the back room the dentists make locker-room comments about hummers.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:04 AM
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135: Indeed.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:05 AM
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Cut-rate dentists hard sell and are aggressive about suggesting treatments, a tactic that may work well with a poor and less educated clientele, while pricier ones don't.

Not true, IME. The most money-grubbing dentists are the ones that don't treat medical dental problems (i.e. the kind poor people have) at all, but do exclusively "aesthetic dentistry" that insurance doesn't cover.

The sure giveaway: if the dentist has an in-mouth video camera and shows you disgusting up-close images of your teeth, he is priming you to buy expensive cosmetic services. Get another dentist.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:06 AM
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A dental technician in training once worked on me with her blouse half-unbuttoned, brushing against me from time to time. No way I could have been imagining things. I've fantasized about cute dental techs many a time, but this was different. She was flirty when I left, too.

I had a cute Chinese-American dental tech once named Al/vin John/son. Johnson was her married name, but "Alvin" was given by her parents.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:08 AM
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137: Bite ME, punctuation boy.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:08 AM
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135 to 134.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:09 AM
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I love my dentist and I love my usual hygienist but I was a little put off last time when her chirping about how awesome I am for quitting smoking turned into an opportunity for her to witness to me about Her Personal Lord & Savior.

That said, seriously, the trick to getting a dentist's praise is to smoke for a while and then quit. They love that.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:12 AM
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punctuation boy

Racist.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:15 AM
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128:

Tripp, if you say you've been flossing every day and your gums look like shit, the hygenist is going to say "oh, let me show give you some pointers on technique" and then you're still going to get a lecture.

My advice was specifically for Jackmormon who could reply "I do floss, but I haven't been to a dentist in ten years." Then the lecture would be about seeing a dentist but I guess you can't dodge every bullet.

Also, why the hell don't you people floss?

I floss, but you know. Kid's these days!

134: Knecht - tell me more about this glorious socialized dentistry you speak of. For academic reasons of course.

129: You know the answers they want to hear. that will shut them up. Make them happy.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:16 AM
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142: Yuck. Pulling out the big gun would be telling the Dentist that his/her hygienist could skip the proselytizing but that is your call.

Personally if she was hot, well, really really hott I could stand the God Squad routine for awhile but not that long. I'd end up saying something about how I agree we Methodists are going to Hell but the damn hotdishes are so tasty that I can't convert.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:24 AM
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119 and 121 are right.

"Dentist, shut the fuck up. I am paying you to fix my teeth, not give me a fucking lecture. I'm 36 years old. Fuck off."


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:26 AM
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Something right up Apo's ....alley

My friend's dad is somewhat awkward in general, and once accidentally* in fact said, "That's right up my ass."

*Yeah, I know. There are no accidents.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:29 AM
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Fwiw, I had one dentist for a while that I stopped going back to because she wouldn't shut up.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:30 AM
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My son had an Estonian-American dentist for about 18 years starting when he was about 5. She had the same assistant the whole time and he grew very fond of their easy-going chatting, which was very calming, especially because she did use laughing gas.

I guess I'll unGoogleproof it and put it right out there for everyone: Jolanta Bokums was the best pediatric dentist ever! But she's retired now.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:35 AM
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She's not retired! Go to Bend, Oregon, JM! Besides being very pleasant and using nitorus, she's on record on the internet as giving very minimal lectures!


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:37 AM
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tell me more about this glorious socialized dentistry you speak of. For academic reasons of course.

A google search of her name turns up only a couple of results, one of which is this blog post discussing how to choose a dentist:

Lequel, laquelle choisir ? C'est comme choisir un psy, quand on a des problèmes avec la dentisterie, c'est primordial de bien choisir.
Sur quels critères ? D'abord, un homme ou une femme ? C'est important.
Un homme, ça peut me provoquer une érection en se penchant trop près de ma bouche, la dentisterie c'est d'un érotisme (je me remémore une scène où Francis Blanche fait très fort en dentiste, à une de ses patientes...)
A Paris mon dentiste est grave bogosse, très brun sépharade, presque nu sous sa petite blouse il me met à tous les coups dans un état bizarre. En plus à chaque fois que j'ai eu des amants sépharades c'étaient des super coups.
Mais une femme peut provoquer aussi une réaction de défiance. Je me souviens d'une dentiste ashkénaze de la région parisienne que j'avais dans le temps, qui me pressait la tête contre son sein. Elle aurait pu provoquer un accident de roulette, si j'avais eu un mouvement de recul non maîtrisé.

I hasten to point out that the preceding was not written by me.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:39 AM
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151: courtesy of freetranslation.com:

Which, which to choose? This is as to choose a psy, when one has problems with dentistry, it is essential of well to choose. On which criteria? First, a man or a woman? It is important. A man, that can provoke me an erection while leaning itself too close to my mouth, dentistry this is of an eroticism (I recollect myself a scene where White Francis does very strong in dentist, to an of its patient ones. ..) To Paris my dentist is serious bogosse, very brown sépharade, almost nude under his small one takes for a ride it puts me to all the blows in a strange state. What's more every time that I had lovers sépharades this were great blows. But a woman can provoke also a reaction of mistrust. I remember of an Ashkenazi dentist of the Parisian region that I had in the time, that pressed me the head against his breast. She could have provoked a roulette accident, if I had had a movement of non mastered decline.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:42 AM
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JM, I went to the dentist for the first time in at least 4 years last week and I wasn't looking forward to it for essentially the same reasons. And in the end, it was just fine. I was assigned to a pleasant young female dentist who was in the first years of her practice (and thus was probably about my age), which right away felt different from seeing the judgmental father figure-dentists of my youth. We made small talk about neuroscience and her Canadianness.

I then simply tried to preëmpt the speechifying by saying that I know that 4 years is a long time, I moved out here and didn't have a regular dentist, I'll set things up and come more often, etc.--and other than a few comments like "this looks pretty good for 4 years," I didn't hear much from her throughout the cleaning. I left thinking it had all been a remarkably easy experience.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:47 AM
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I have to get a temporary crown replaced, and I also fear the judgmental crap. "When did you get this temporary? A YEAR AGO??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

The dentist who put it in lectured me while my mouth was stuffed about how guns are awesome because without them, we never would have killed off all those fucking Indians and built America.

The dentist I went to before that made me watch videos of sea slugs while he made me talk about my dissertation and then told me how wrong I was about Thomas Jefferson while my mouth was stuffed.

Dentists are really opinionated people.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:54 AM
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Teeth.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 10:55 AM
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Canadians, Esthonians, Sephardic men, and Ashkenazic women are on record here as being good dentists.

Bad dentists?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:01 AM
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I say the Scots and the Welsh.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:01 AM
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Sea slugs?

Where is this dentist?

Squid? Moray eels? Manta rays? Priapalids?


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:02 AM
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||

Holy shit, did I just get myself around one sweet hot sausage sandwich. Big, thick orange pepper cooked down to a near-pulp.

I love working from home.

|>


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:22 AM
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Dentists are really opinionated people
they have the highest suicide rate
if it's any consolation


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:23 AM
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160 is unusually harsh for read. I like it!

It is true, though, that dentistry has one of the greatest disconnects between the actual good you are doing for people on the one hand and how much they hate and fear you, on the other. Makes for a lot of unhappy dentists.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:28 AM
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Holy shit, did I just get myself around one sweet hot sausage sandwich.

I can't begin to imagine how this could be made to sound dirtier.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:28 AM
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I can't begin to imagine how this could be made to sound dirtier.

what, nothing about `and the sauce is dribbling off my chin'?


Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:36 AM
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I can't begin to imagine how this could be made to sound dirtier.

"You might think a footlong would be enjoyable, but two-thirds into it I started to feel a severe cramp in my gut."


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:37 AM
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Holy shit, did I just get myself around one sweet hot sausage sandwich.

Saturday evening I got myself outside of some of the best Pad Thai ever that I discovered via the opinions of two folks in the CP.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:48 AM
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Lunch is totally the best part of the day. As someone who just finished up a large portion of fried chicken and mashed potatoes, I feel ya, JRoth.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:53 AM
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166: I feel yaour sausage, JRoth.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:56 AM
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dentistry has one of the greatest disconnects between the actual good you are doing for people on the one hand and how much they hate and fear you, on the other.

I'm not a dentist, or indeed a health care professional of any kind, but I still feel like this totally applies to me. Sigh. If only people understood.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 11:58 AM
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161: But general dentists earn even more than general physicians, and once you get into specialties... Oof. So they get by, somehow.

167: Nah, feeling sausage carries no particular sensual delights, it only results in needing to wash your hands. Now tasting JRoth's sausage sounds like an experience to be envied.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 12:09 PM
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Talkative and judgmental dentists should be excommunicated. Those who are talkative about politics or guns should be double-excommunicated. (Unless, of course, you are simpatico.) For me, though, it's usually at least as much about the hygienists, since that's whom I spend the most time with.

168: Why, PGD?


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 12:09 PM
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151: almost nude under his small one takes for a ride it puts me to all the blows in a strange state.

This really cracked me up.

154: The dentist who put it in lectured me while my mouth was stuffed

You know. You know.

Yes, certain things are in the eye of the beholder but I really wish you'd show a guy some consideration. Out of pity if nothing else.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 12:12 PM
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Talkative and judgmental dentists should be used as an example against socialized medicine and never visited again.

Vote with your feet I say.


Posted by: Tripp the Crazed | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 12:13 PM
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168: Why, PGD?

I don't know why. I wish someone could tell me why others hate and fear me so much despite all the good I do for them.

(deadpan jokes don't come across on the internet -- even in person that one would have been very dependent on a certain put-upon facial expression and tone of voice. And probably not so funny either.)


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 1:26 PM
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I wish someone could tell me why others hate and fear me so much

I hate PGD because he killed my father. I fear him because I'm in love with him.

I think.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 1:47 PM
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I hate PGD because he killed my father. I fear him because I'm in love with him.

He's... the Shogun.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 2:10 PM
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The hygienist was a matronly Russian woman who quickly figured out how freaked I was and murmured sweet encouragements the whole time. The dentist was a no-nonsense Israeli woman, opinionated and businesslike and in no mood to waste time moralising. They were all pretty nice to me, which makes me a little less horrified to be going in next week for a root canal. Sigh.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 6:31 PM
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Oh no! Root canal!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 6:33 PM
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Well, I sort of knew something horrible was brewing. Hence all the fear.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 07- 1-08 6:40 PM
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Re: "Canadians, Esthonians, Sephardic men, and Ashkenazic women are on record here as being good dentists. Bad dentists?"

Nazis. Cf. "Marathon Man"


Posted by: gnoLeD darB | Link to this comment | 07- 2-08 4:27 PM
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179: And Steve Martin., cf. "Little Shop of Horrors".


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07- 2-08 4:31 PM
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181: Also, cf. "Novocaine", only not really, since that movie sucked.


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 07- 3-08 1:41 AM
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