Well beat my bishop, that's a funny story.
In the middle of the 20th century, when the back-street abortions were rampant, the FBI in the U.S. mounted an unprecidented crack down on the abortion providers. In an effort to avoid being arrested (or worse), the abortionists took to hiding their programs in ice cream parlours and popsicle stands. Anti-choice terrorists used the phrase to signal their compatriots to leave the store quickly just before the explosion in order to avoid dectection
the internet is so helpful. and weird.
Didn't somebody-or-other give a convention speech where they said "hide the sausage"?
Heebie,
I like you. I'm a bad influence. Be careful, OK? I don't want my bad influence rubbing off on you.
I don't think blow this popsicle stand is at all dirty. It's your filthy mind.
Also the "wad" in "shoot my wad" was originally a pile of money (as in "wad of cash"). The pornification of everygoddamnthing is ruining perfectly good phrases.
Of course it doesn't mean "let's blow this popsicle stand", because "popsicle stand" isn't a sexual euphamism, so the phrase would be meaningless.
6 gets it right. I thought the "money" meaning of wad was still the predominant one. But I guess those things flip quick. Also, I have no idea why "blow this popsicle stand" would have any dirty meaning.
Gosh it sure was funny being in that car with all those cops! They looked the part, too -- it was like they took me on a moustache ride!
6: exactly. Presumably the non-rude meaning preceded the rude meaning (although note alternative rude meaning of "spend" in 19th century and earlier).
Shotgun shells have a something called a "wad" that sits behind the pellets, and gets "blown" when the gun goes boom. So maybe the term has hunting origins?
I know a lot of people are fans of boxer Salvador Sanchez, and yeah, he died too young, but I gotta say he was a pretty dirty fighter. I bet they called him Dirty Sanchez.
Also, I have no idea why "blow this popsicle stand" would have any dirty meaning.
Well, for one thing, popsicles are among the most phallic of frozen treats...
CN,
Also, I have no idea why "blow this popsicle stand" would have any dirty meaning
Oh CN, stay just the way you are. The world needs more pure people like you. Ignore me. Once I corrupt people they can't get back. Don't think about "blow" and "popsicles" and the way they are shaped and eaten. For your own sake, don't do it!
I've actually used "the money quote" to describe the salient portion of a document, before realizing that while I wasn't certain, it was probably derivative from "the money shot". God alone knows where I picked it up from.
I have also had a partner ask me, musingly, what the derivation of "on all fours with" was, and answered by saying "I dunno, let's see what pops up on Google." People, do not google "on all fours with" with your boss looking over your shoulder. The results are bad. (The derivation of the phrase as used legally is buying horses, I later read. I still don't quite get it -- the legal usage means something like corresponds with, or is perfectly applicable to, and I can't see what's corresponding to what if you're buying horses -- but at least it sounds clean.)
You know, I was trying to buckle that eleven year old into the car seat -- safety first, these days! -- but boy, that kid was awfully big for a car seat! The only way I could get him really securely in place was a reach around.
Spike,
I think maybe you are thinking of 'hoist on one's own petard,' which has something to do with firearms if I recall correctly.
"Shoot your wad" is crapshooting -- it means bet all your money (the whole 'wad') on the next roll.
19: A petard was an early grenade.
That dates right back to early canons which had wadding fore and aft of the canon ball, to seal the barrel.
Boy, there was such a great view from the top of that building. In all directions, too! It was terrific, kind of like if you could go sit on a flagpole.
Tripp, "Let's blow this popsicle" is plausibly euphemistic, although one would have to use it to mean something other than "let's leave". But "let's blow this popsicle stand"? Do popsicle stands seem phallic to you?
You know what would be neat? What if donkeys were marsupials, and then when you went on a camping trip and were lugging all kinds of stuff up the mountain you could just take it in the ass?
LB,
I can't see what's corresponding to what if you're buying horses
Whatever you do, don't give it more thought. You are perfect the way you are. I'm not teasing here.
My God people, think of the children!
Today's era of mobile popsicle stands makes the expression anachronistic anyway. And the few remaining sessile popsicle stands, at amusement parks and baseball stadia and the like, are now mostly Dippin' Dots stands.
They put these funny hippie sprouts on my burger, so it felt like biting into a fur burger!
The OED compares "shoot one's wad" to "shoot one's bolt," which is more straightforward, and implies 13 might be a variation.
I like cooking with canola oil, but it's so sensitive to temperature, it's almost like you have some neurotic chef looking over your shoulder correcting you all the time, and it's like, hey! I don't need to deal with this anal rape!
Brock,
Do popsicle stands seem phallic to you?
What do they seem to you? Vulvic perhaps? I'm sure I don't know.
"Money shot" was an Old Hollywood term (meaning: the big expensive special effects shot) before it was co-opted by the porn industry.
hoist on one's own petard,
Explosives, not firearms. And you have to go back to muskets to shoot one's wad. Powder, wad, shot, ram, aim fire repeat. To have shot one's wad, one must first have shot all of one's bullets. My guess is it took the first musketeer about two seconds before making a sexual reference to the procedure.
There's a funny way that decreased standards of prudery has made the language more prudish. "Dick" has been a synonym for penis for quite awhile, but it's only become unusable as a name recentlly -- back in the '60s, even though if you'd asked anyone with a normal command of obscenity what "dick" meant, they would have known, "Dick Nixon" didn't inspire a Beavis and Butthead "heh heh heh" everytime anyone heard it, because for most people it was so inappropriate that it just didn't come to mind.
Now that we're all expected to be consistently thinking about sex all the time, you end up policing your language a lot more for double meanings so as to avoid the Beavis and Butthead moments.
Tell me about it! Why, the other day in needlepoint class, I was trying to explain to my classmates that it's important to match needle size to grid size, because if the needle's too small there's going to be a lot of double penetration.
19: A petard was an early grenade.
Didn't some French writer say it was a fart?
To illustrate my 34, see Tripp's 26. Actually, I don't think there's any intended or original obscene meaning related to buying horses or otherwise in the legal usage of "on all fours with", and I doubt Tripp can come up with anything plausible. But we now live in a culture where it's a point of pride to invent double meanings regardless of whether there's any point to it.
The other day I was at one of those events where they have roosters fight each other and they had this really super small area to do it and I was like "whoah! Tight cockring!" and everybody looked at me all weird.
17: Funny, this is the first result I get when I google "on all fours with". It's not only perfectly, SFW, it's the answer you were seeking.
Maybe your problem is that you were running an image search?
It wasn't an image search, but I recall the first page having a fair amount of obvious obscenity. I might have been safe if I'd hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, but not with the search page. (Not that it was a problem, just a funny moment.)
Damn. 40 (cont.): was a mistake.
34:
Lizardbreath,
You are so relentlessly earnest (and I mean this in a good way) I'll let on that the phrase 'on your petard' is about the second oldest troll phrase on the internets. Internet user's just can't seem to ever resist it.
41: I bet you would have gotten lucky, too, if you'd done that.
41: I guess I should have clarified--there's nothing remotely obscene on my first page of results. And no, "safesearch" is not on.
Although, doesn't google keep track of your searches and use those to tailor your results somwhat? Maybe you just search for a lot more smut from your work computer than I do.
It'd be neat if Tripp took a class in cooperage because then he could print out all his comments in this thread and shove them right in his bunghole.
(The derivation of the phrase as used legally is buying horses, I later read. I still don't quite get it -- the legal usage means something like corresponds with, or is perfectly applicable to, and I can't see what's corresponding to what if you're buying horses -- but at least it sounds clean.)
If you purchased, unseen, a normal draft horse of a certain shoulder-height (in hands), some tool could (and various tools have, way back there) deliver a Shetland pony-sized animal, since if that animal reared back on its hind legs, the shoulder height of the pony would be similar to a regular draft horse, thus fulfilling the letter of the contract. So one specifies the measurements of the animal when it is on all fours.
max
['Jokes and stories about this stuff used to abound.']
37: LB
But we now live in a culture where it's a point of pride to invent double meanings regardless of whether there's any point to it.
I'm sure that I can't think of a dirty reason one would buy a horse.
And pertinent to my 43, the first oldest Internets troll I know of is making something sound dirty, cause it seems everything can be made to sound dirty.
So blame the internets.
46: Huh. This was years ago. Maybe the difference is quotes or no quotes -- I can't remember which I used, or maybe the legal profession has raised its Google profile compared to the porn industry.
I'm pretty sure "shoot one's wad" is reference to the use of a paper wad to somehow prepare a musket for shooting. (As mentioned here.)
So blame the internets.
Well, men too, with their dirty minds.
And this section did ask for dirty jokes.
I was at the pool the other day -- hi ogged! -- and this six year old was trying to swim the crawl and just totally struggling with it so I jumped in to help and said "here, let's do it doggy-style!"
50: I come up clean with or without quotes. I should note that I fond this astonishing.
And there is a point to making dirty references - it's fun!
Well, fun to men, and you know about men and their moronic simple tastes. What are ya gonna do?
One of the pubs near our office is named for the male poultry bird; this pub also tends to get busy as the weekend approaches. This allows people from the West Midlands to say that The Cock gets rammed on a Friday.
The other day a male co-worker was going to lunch and asked, "do you want to come with me?". I was shocked and replied loudly "What do you think I am, gay?!". But then I got embarassed and said in a lower voice, "ummm, not that there's anything wrong with that."
Man, this whole thread reminds me of my attempt to make a diorama of what the Titanic's orchestra would look like today. I've got kettle drums with fish living in em and a rotten grand piano, but what I really want is a rusty trombone.
Shoot, I got this section mixed up with the 'lube' section.
Sorry heebie, my bad.
And there is a point to making dirty references - it's fun!
Well, fun to men,
I think the more sexually repressed your upbringing, the more fun it is to giggle like a little kid about "dirty references."
Although Heebie may have some hormonal thing going on with pregnancy, who knows.
I had a tossed salad today. It was wonderful.
61 is messed up, "fun to men" should have been in italics. I'm with LB in 34 in thinking of it as oddly related to prudishness.
Also, 58 is not true.
50: In my experience the pron industry were early adopters and exploiters of search in general and tricks to increase their "searchability" in particular. I think the rest of the world (and search engine algorithms) have caught up to some degree and as a result pron pages don't dominate the front pages as much. For instance, just searched on "watersports" and everything on the first few pages was water-skiing, boats and the like. I am pretty sure using Alta Vista back in the day you would have gotten a more ribald mix.
My roommate just started a new business providing negative reinforcement training for helper animals. Now, whenever I walk into his room, he's just sitting there spanking the monkey.
I'm starting to picture Sifu as a hapless Buster Keaton type (only not silent), who is constantly being set upon and severely beaten for reasons he can never understand. Tragic, really.
Didn't some French writer say it was a fart?
A man who farts in church sits alone in his pew.
The mechanic told me it looked like I needed a rim job. I said "you bet I do!" There was a misunderstanding.
64: I know, it's been a real blow to my search efficiency.
Hey, this one's true -- a witness I worked with on a case involving a phone book company explained on the record that delivery of directories to the front steps of single family houses was known as a "hand job".
70: And when a sexy housewife welcomed him in for a little mutual masturbation, he was unable to explain this occurrence to his coworkers.
Hey, this one's true
What are you implying?
She, actually. And she was a manager, not a driver.
72: See PGD's 63. I swear I'm taking everything else in the thread absolutely at face value.
Shakespeare's email should be avon at bard dot co dot uk.
I'll let on that the phrase 'on your petard' is about the second oldest troll phrase on the internets.
I'd hazard a guess it doesn't even break the first 100 list (50+ of which are James Parry's fault)
Shakespeare's email should be avon at bard dot co dot uk.
Some punk squatter already had that one, and wanted money to release it. Screw that. Also, quite analyzing the jokes, Aristotle.
So the hare was all jealous of the tortoise after winning the race and asked "man, how the hell do you even do that?"
"Here," said the tortoise, "let me take you for a slow ride."
I didn't enjoy the clams last time I visited Akron. They tasted alright, but didn't have quite the same great texture of a fresh Cleveland steamer.
My friend told me about a chemistry class he took, where the professor spent the entire time talking about "backside attacks by the homo".
I had an idea for a hair salon catering to private investigators with a nautical theme; the hairdressers would work inside large barrels, and then when a customer came in you'd stick the dick through the glory hole to get a blow job.
I'd like to buy beads shaped like letters. You could have an A bead, an El bead. Whatever you wanted.
Well, my poor cat's getting awfully old, and though I suppose I shouldn't be paying large veterinary bills at this advanced point in his life, he needed surgery and I just had to do it. I tell you, though, he looked fat even with fur, but afterwards, you've never seen so much sixteen-year-old s...
Nah. Never mind.
Store item at the Dubai grocery I just got back from: Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding.
81 just aroused the memory.
We sure had a lot of clean up to do after that man came by, the one with the thick southern drawl.
What self-respecting PI has a nautical theme?
No one wanted to play baseball on the regular fields because the dust from the clay was causing the asthmatics to have breathing trouble. To be safe, we decided that if there is grass on the infield, play ball!
82 went right over my head. (and I call foul on 81. There isn't a clean meaning for 'glory hole', is there?)
What self-respecting PI has a nautical theme?
Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...
I had this stuffed bear as a child that I would dress up in all sorts of different trousers. I really loved it, but many years hence, while the bear was okay, the trousers had all ripped or otherwise come apart. I couldn't stand to see the bear in such a state, so I gave it to my little nephew, figuring if you can't keep it in the pants, keep it in the family.
You'll still occasionally see construction sites with viewing holes cut in the fencing marked "glory hole". I think it may have originally been a synonym for "bung hole".
Huh. Learn something new every day.
Holy shit, that second link in my comment features the greatest unintentional double entendre of all time:
I wish I had an anti-gravity glory hole stand but its actually just dark out and I painted it black.
You know, those stores that advertise "boys pants 1/2 off" are talking about the price.
a clean meaning for 'glory hole'
Glassblowing.
A buddy of mine was in the Philippines and got kidnapped by the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. They had him bound up in a little cage, and kept him there through the entire monsoon season. It was a tight, wet, MILF box.
Back in the early sixties, my uncle just fell in love with the Twist. He would go anywhere to do that dance, and when the song hit the charts, he would do anything to hear it. In fact, he would go to any concert he could -- anywhere! -- just to hear it in concert and dance along. All across the country, he followed Mr. Checker's band -- he was a real Chubby chaser!
Moro Islamic Liberation Front
Those guys really should think about changing their name, or something. Same as FARC, which reads halfway as farce, or Fark.
I had three hogsheads of wine. I sold one, but upon my journey I was waylaid by thieves who relieved me of the rest of my inventory. Damn butt pirates.
101: Yeah, apparently there is also an attraction at Disney World called the "Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor".
I think Disney's ad campaign for that may be ill advised, though. "Come for the mouse, stay for the MILF"
If there was a high school on Turkey Knob, NC their mascot would be the Knob Gobbler.
Wouldn't the Bard's address be wshakespeare@globetheatre.co.uk?
||
aside related to 105, I knew someone who used to like mixing bourbons, and we'd tease him about Knob (creek) Gobbler (wild turkey) nights.
|>
This guy I work with is a real neat freak, constantly cleaning something or another. Yesterday, he's carrying this stack of arguments he's made in other appeals when he just got all fixated on his door being all smudged up. He dropped his briefs right there in the middle of the office so he could polish his knob.
Actually, my sister volunteers at a rehabilitation centre where they teach traditional cooking skills to young offenders. She says she prefers to go on Wednesdays, because if only a couple of guys show up, she sometimes gets given a spit roast.
If nothing else, the thread goes some distance to restoring the balance of cock jokes here.
102- At a dinner party, a refined gentleman asked what was good to wear for cooking. I said I'm usually naked while tossing my fiancee's salad, then he told me that he'd just finished shrimping and got his ascot on one.
If nothing else, the thread goes some distance to restoring the balance of cock jokes here.
No lie. And if we are really really serious about world peace we just gotta get everyone together and tell fart jokes first.
Cause the answer to righteous anger (which is, as we know, da bomb) is a fart joke. Simple as that.
Humanity - ya gotta love em.
Deleting posts is a crime worse than murder, in my opinion. People all die anyway, eventually; words are eternal.
Is that what happened? I went to link a comment, and poof.
My cat has this weird upholstery fixation where she's always sniffling or nibbling some fabric or other in the house. Why, just the other day, I came home to find her munching carpet.
My new girlfriend had invited me inside her home for the first time since we'd begun seeing each other. Having met her outside her house several times in the past and having commented on her bright fuschia window dressing seen from the street, I said "I'm surprised that the carpet matches the drapes."
Back in 2002, when Manute Bol fought Refrigerator Perry on Fox's Celebrity Boxing, it took me a minute to parse something I heard from one of the boxers' corners between rounds: "Someone's pooped. In the punch, Bol! It ain't pretty, sure, but ya gotta clean this up. Everything else you got--in the punch!"
106: Obviously Shakespeare got a web-based email address before The Globe was built and uses it for frivolities like commenting on Unfogged.
Is there anyone else who gets the urge to commit bloody murder when faced by a torrent of puns?
Like the aversion some people have to cringe making humiliation humour?
You know what would be neat? What if donkeys were marsupials, and then when you went on a camping trip and were lugging all kinds of stuff up the mountain you could just take it in the ass?
If I am not mistaken, this might be quasi-obligatory for you at some point.
120: It's not as bad if the puns are better. But no, you aren't alone.
ttaM? Is there something you'd like to share with the group?
The way I figure in humor you've got puns or somebody gets hurt. That's about it.
Is there anyone else who gets the urge to commit bloody murder when faced by a torrent of puns?
They'll have to get back to you on that, ttaM--those of them with less self-restraint than you and soup, anyway.
I don't see what anal sex has to do wit Sifu's comment, Knecht.
It's not as bad if the puns are better.
I know some killers.
This whole thread is one long Finbarr Saunders comic.
At a good bar you'll be able to see the different options available for a hand pump, though one should be aware that the quality of head can vary drastically.
My friend is a musician who keeps the instruments covered while playing them for their protection. Thus he plays the canvas piano, the quilted violin, and the skin flute.
I would become a vegetarian, but I just can't stay away from tube steak.
120: I generally hate puns, but I can make an exception for dirty puns.
I was recently playing bridge with a few ladies of my acquaintance. I was new to the game, and kept forgetting the rule about following suit. Finally, my partner grew so frustrated with my clumsy play that she chided me, "For the last time, once you go black, you never go back."
Oddly enough, I've just come back from seeing Joan Rivers' stage show, in which she performed a skit based on one of Henry Fonda's most famous roles. You wouldn't have thought that an aging comedienne would have been able to pull off Twelve Angry Men in under five minutes, but she had us gasping in the aisles.
(RIP Humphrey Lytleton)
Hey Homer! Give me another hot beef injection!
I've heard that they're now producing a rainbow of Mexican food: blue fajitas, orange quesadillas, pink tacos.
Hey Homer! Give me another hot beef injection!
The line is, "I've got the prescription for you, doctor: another hot beef injection.".
Sheesh!
I wasn't finished. I was GOING to say ..."Is the wrong quote. For the right quote, ask the skin-flute maestro."
Our cute gardener came by last week to plant the bulbs for next spring. Because of all the rain we've had recently, the ground in the flower bed was too muddy to do a proper job of it. I stamped around the garden looking for a suitable spot. At last, after much frustration, I told her that she should kneel down where I was standing and plant her tulips on the firm protuberance she would find there.
68: My brother works in the mobile phone industry. He applied for a position a while back at the company that manufactures Palm devices, which gave us ample opportunities to ask him how his RIM job was coming along.
100% true. (And 116 is somewhat true - I have a weird cat.)
100% true. (And 116 is somewhat true - I have a weird cat.)
You mean this whole thread isn't 100% true? Oh, I doubt that.
(also true story) I knew someone who did tech hiring for that company. She used to joke about how many RIM jobs she gave. It's a pretty common joke around KW, for that matter.
I think someone should start a web site mocking the way that McCain and Palin acted all outraged about the "pig" thing. The site should be called lipstickthespians.com.
Hi, stupid joke thread. I miss you. Let's be gay together!