There should be a name for the rhetorical form whereby the title of a blog post is really the last sentence of the post itself.
It should be called "Overheard In New York" because that's how they get practically every one of their headlines.
Consider all of my prior statements about womens shoes incorporated by reference.
And I wasn't even wearing uncomfortable shoes to work. Mostly loafer types with no heel, albeit with minimal padding. It's just that most of the buildings are cement with thin carpeting or tile.
Rah's job used to involve a lot of being on his feet in an environment of concrete floors with layers of thin carpet rolled out over them. He had to buy shoes very carefully and pad them like crazy with inserts. Having waited tables for a long time, I also get that. Yes, if your job at all allows you to wear more comfortable, dressed down shoes, do so. (I think this goes for everyone, preggers or no, but obviously double for preggers because, y'know, your back is hurting for two.) The last pair of sneakers I bought are a pair of black/gray Skechers slip-ons that are super-comfortable and I can get away with wearing to work and this thrills me.
Also I love that the pregnancy hormone that is released, that causes everything to loosen, is called relaxin. Nothin much, just maxin' and relaxin. You?
Also I get a big kick out of the name of the new drug I keep seeing commercials for, called Abilify. Yes, we make you more Able. We increase your abilitinessfy-iness.
Are you talking about jumpers, or jumpers? The Brits have some cute/different name for the former that I can't remember.
4: They suck in a manner that causes me to foam at the mouth and become inappropriately profane. Although if you were already wearing loafers, most of my comments were inapplicable. (I think the thread where I lost it was titled "Cute Shoes" if you want to google.)
The second photo seems defunct? But the first is what I meant. The kind they make you wear if you get homeschooled and you're fundie Christian.
Can't you feminists write about anything else besides shoes?
11: Defunct? I haven't read past book three, so please, no spoilers (The link still works for me).
Also, heebie, I expect you to wear nice shoes to the brunch. Don't go letting down brand Unfogged in public.
8 is correct. "Abilify" should obviously be a verb. And "Crestor" should be a monster, the more crafty and less brutish brother of Maxtor.
They're the last remaining bastion of The Patriarchy, M/tch.
Any shoe that is not a Dansko clog will become intolerable after seven or so hours standing. I recently found out that Dansko makes clog-boots. WANT.
16: Crestor! Maxtor! I seek vengeance! My name is Western Digital!
Not quite the same thing.
And now you are the ruler of the Queen's Navee!
Here's an alternate photo for the "defunct" one heebie alluded to.
If you're willing to just go all weird, there are those rubber clogs surgeons wear, which I'm told are key if you're spending all day on your feet on hard floors.
In the jokes, the Chukchi are constantly saying "however" (odnako). But in their folk tales, they are constantly saying "indeed".
I also like how the "Hairy Maggot" is explained as "a monster in the shape of a polar bear of gigantic size".
Oh, sorry. I don't mean to turn all the threads into discussions of the Chukchi's disgusting folklore.
24: Do they come in bright orange?
Oops, meant to link.
Heebie could really build a brand identity for herself with the right choice in "offbeat" footwear.
Those are called "Crocs" and they are unacceptable. You get a pass if you're wearing scrubs or if you're actively gardening or painting. But seriously, those are some embarrassingly ugly shoes.
Those are called "Crocs" and they are unacceptable.
Fascinating. Tell me more of your native customs of dress.
I made the shift into sneakers all the time at work awhile ago. The slippery slope begins, of course, with the commuter sneakers -- that you wear for the walk from train to office, with full intentions of changing into more professional shoes upon reaching your destination. At some point, you start "forgetting" to change into the nice shoes. At first, I worried that this made me look unprofessional. I have now decided that it just makes me look charmingly quirky. Like the woman at my last job who always wore the wacky hats.
29: They are even more unacceptable if they are bright orange with the logo for your ex-wife's alma mater.
How many classes do you teach per day? Are you really standing for seven or eight hours? I thought academic were on their feet for maybe three or four hours a day, tops.
I used to go around in socks quite a bit back in my lawyering days. I like dressy shoes, but most of them are hell on my feet.
33: Even three or four hours on concrete floors is a lot. Especially if you don't have a voracious tapeworm to keep the weight off.
There is now a crocs "professional".
I assumed crocs would have been already thoroughly discussed and deprecated on Unfogged, but only find one dismissive remark by Beefo Meaty. I must say that I do love them for around the garden and house (and have on rare occasion worn them on quick trips to the convenience or hardware store; I fear it is a slippery slope).
I've been wearing these every day for almost a year now. I'll need a new pair soon.
37: No did not know about those, but you are right they are certainly more professional than the ones I linked which are marketed as "professional".
38: no, they've been thoroughly discussed and deprecated here, for sure. I remember at least once and maybe twice.
To my mind, the acceptability of casual dress is half the reason to be in academia. I know that some consider me the very face of academic schlubbiness today. To those people, I say: go into a different line of work.
Can high-heeled crocs be far behind?
I'm so glad I have a job that doesn't require fancy getup. I wear Chuck Taylors to work every day. I figure I ought to get myself some classy/swipple/formal shoes, but 99% of mens dress footwear is hideously ugly, and it actually gets worse the more formal the shoe.
Can high-heeled crocs be far behind?
Apparently not.
I tend to wear leather shoes most of the time; loafers, typically. They're comfortable, although it's also true that I do most of my work sitting down.
One nice experience from earlier in the year was my rediscovery of Chelsea boots. I find they're more 'fitted' than loafers and very comfortable.
If I could afford to have leather shoes made to measure, I would. The deal killer with the more rubbery kinds of shoe is that they usually have prominent brand marks. This makes no sense: once bought, the shoes are mine, so obviously the label has to go. If shoes from moulds could be made label-less I'd wear them more often.
47: I see your Ginger and raise you a Diva.
49: Yes, there seems to be a whole fashionable "YOU" line by crocs. And it seems to be where bad advertising copy goes to die. The fabulous fashionista loves being the center of attention. she lives her life in the spotlight, standing tall and comfortable.
Hey, you can make your crocs match your jumper!
48: You could ignore the label. How often do you look at your shoes and get irritated by their flawed appearance?
To my mind, the acceptability of casual dress is a benefit that is worth well into the 5 figures range in salary.
I would rather make $25,000 and dress formally than make $10,000 and dress informally.
I wear my Adidas to work most days, or oxfords if I'm feeling the need to be more dressy. The dress code might help keep me underemployed for a long time.
Hurray! My new boots feel good! First not-completely-flat shoe in 3 years.
Hrm. I'm looking at those Croc Mary-Janes, and thinking that I could totally get away with those. I need to get organized to get my black loafers resoled, first -- I was walking back from court and thought I'd gotten something in my shoe, which I had, but it had entered through a big hole in the sole.
Why are all my shoes so shoddy? These were really expensive, and it's not as if I hike in them.
From the Diva description: crispy wet suede leather upper with patent leather details
What is this gibberish? Crispy wet suede?
It's to coordinate with your colorless green ideas.
Why are all my shoes so shoddy? These were really expensive, and it's not as if I hike in them.
I have never had a shoe last more than a year for me. I have a weird stride that has a small twist at the end that just grinds through the sole at the ball of my foot.
Broiled fillet of buckskin upper with leeks and red-wine reduction.
58: The copy writer was inspired by a message in a spiderweb. The spider says she just copied some words that a rat brought her from the trash heap.
42: OK, a lot of corc hatred in this thread. My original google fu was not strong.
In fact the last comment in that thread is from a "Brock Landers" saying, My wife just bought a pair of Crocs. Divorce?
So are Crocs a gateway drug to Ayn Rand? or vice versa?
I only wear sneakers, except that I have a pair of shoes for funerals and Unfogged meetups. I realy care about you people.
I usually by onsale brand-name sneakers for about $35, but when I had some money I ended up buying $90 brandname sneakers. I immediately regretted it, but they've worn a lot better and were probably worth it.
54: I would rather become a wily hobo than either of those alternatives.
I think Crocs are ugly, but besides that, they look like they'd make your feet really sweaty and that they fit so loosely you'd inevitably end up with blisters. Is this not so?
64: What Brock didn't mention is that she bought the crocs for him to wear.
Those that can't dress, teach?
Not true for art history, which aggressively selects for the chic, the moneyed, and those possessed of good bone structure.
There's a special shoe called a warehousmen's shoe for people who are on their feet on cement all day. It's hard to google because so many shoe stores call themselves warehouses.
To my mind, the acceptability of casual dress is a benefit that is worth well into the 5 figures range in salary.
I suppose I feel this way about suits. I like to wear a suit, but they're expensive, they wear out fast, and you can't just throw them into the washing machine when they get dirty.
And I know the label is there even when I'm not looking at it, thanks.
70: But you have to compare the art history teachers to their counterparts who work for galleries, museums, auction houses, etc.
Goody, a shoe thread! Now I can make my annual complaint about the complete lack of boots for tall women with narrow calves. (That is to say: giant stick figures.) This is the season for knee-length dresses with tights and boots, but can I participate? I cannot.
On the Dansko front, I hear that they're the choice of professional chefs everywhere. In any case, my friends who have them simply rave about them.
Can you buy some thigh-high boots for normal women and use those?
75: "normal", heebie? Quit otherizing Sir Kraab!
they look like they'd make your feet really sweaty
Zackly. And this, from the link in 36, only reinforces the idea:
ventilation ports on sides with ribs to channel fluids away from portsFluids? Sweet Christ in Heaven, the last thing I want in my footwear is fluids.
In their defense, though, Crocs are great for kids.
75: "normal", heebie? Quit otherizing Sir Kraab!
Why must everyone think I'm being judgemental when I point out the abnormal?
It's not as if there are lots of boots for short women with scrawny calves, either, if it makes you feel any better. I spent an embarrassing amount of money on my boots this year for the sheer thrill of the fact that they fit my calves beautifully.
Sir Kraab, you could get a regular pair of boots and have the shaft taken in by a good shoe repairer. I did this recently and was pleased by the results. It was not too expensive.
You could wrap rubberbands around the top.
Or have collagen injected into your calves.
Keep your loose ends in there.
81: See, now you're being helpful.
80: Really? I never would have thought of that. How much is "not too expensive"?
74.1: Amen.
I know the label is there even when I'm not looking at it
This, exactly. I was similarly frustrated last year when I realized that every single possible piece of luggage was going to have some hideous advertising mark on it, and my only choice was to not go with the thing that looks ominously crusaderish. Yeah, thanks, I spend my life on multicultural work and I'd really like to parade around Europe with a giant cross on my luggage.
Shoe Solidarity: One Big Bunion!
Body builders are use implants in their calves. Stallone is reputed to have them. Some people's calves to not get larger with exercise.
I have dynamite calves, probably my best feature.
Or have collagen injected into your calves.
m/tch, you should be a donor for sir kraab's calves! That would be really romantic.
91: My calves are pretty scrawny too, will.
And I know the label is there even when I'm not looking at it, thanks.
I have mentioned this previously, but my daughter FREAKS out about labels or the perception of a label (or tag.)
She will stick her hands into whatever clothing she is wearing and rummage around until she finds something, anything that might resemble a tag.
I've had to cut out several pants pockets because she thought they were tags, just to calm her down. Sometimes sacrifices must be made.
Manufacturers who stitch their labels onto their products can still score, as long as the unpicked stitching leaves small holes and the material underneath isn't revealed as having a different colour.
Those that can't dress, teach?
Well, on the bright side, this makes it easy for us non crocs-wearing academics to look fabulous.
Dude, I even accessorize with scarves. Gotta keep up with the romance languages department, you know?
I could donate some belly fat for Kraab.
Kraab's Calves sounds like a worthy cause. Can someone get it 501(c) status?
There should be a name for the rhetorical form whereby the title of a blog post is really the last sentence of the post itself.
Odradeking.
I'm in total charity with your daughter, will. Not only do I refuse to wear anybody else's name or advertising slogan on my body,* but I am an extremist about tag-removal. Very occasionally this can cause problems with absent washing instructions, but one must be prepared to make these sacrifices.
*Exceptions made for World Series-winning hometown team.
I have the opposite problem with boots. Happily, it is easier to have them stretched than to make them smaller.
I'd donate some muscle tissue to Kraab, but they wouldn't be long enough. It would look weird for her to have a little knot of muscle right in the middle of her calf.
Crabs calves sounds like some haute dish, akin to saddle of rabbit or veal cheeks.
Shouldn't German professors be hearty and Teutonic?
Maybe not the Austrian ones.
I am an extremist about tag-removal.
People like you are the bane of thrift store shoppers worldwide! Think of future generations, Witt!!
People like you are the bane of thrift store shoppers worldwide!
Ahem. Consignment stores, I'll grant you. Thrift stores? People aren't looking at tags there -- and if they were, I'm still better off removing them because my clothes wouldn't impress.
No, I thought you were going to point out that obsessive tag-removal is a trait beloved of serial murderers everywhere. Must thwart forensic analysis!
(For the record, I do not murder. Or kill.)
Think Berlin, not Bavaria.
Something like this, then?
Not only do I refuse to wear anybody else's name or advertising slogan on my body
So you aren't interested in a tasteful tattoo advertising my divorce services?
A young man around here had "LSD" tattooed on his forehead. Shockingly, the police harassed him all the time.
Those serial killers are cleverer than I thought.
No, I thought you were going to point out that obsessive tag-removal is a trait beloved of serial murderers everywhere. Must thwart forensic analysis!
(For the record, I do not murder. Or kill.)
Ahem, Witt, I recount those words written by Nabokov:
"You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns."
Thrift stores? People aren't looking at tags there -- and if they were, I'm still better off removing them because my clothes wouldn't impress.
Not true at all, in my experience. But actually I was referring to the care tags. People who shop at thrift stores need to wash their clothes too, Witt, or at least might want to know if they're buying something that's all cotton or some kind of blend. Can you spare no thought for them?
97: I am all over that. Thanks, jms!
107: I think you're looking for the goth club thread.
Not even Blixa dresses that way any more!
Those are called "Crocs" and they are unacceptable.
But I give the guy at #28 points for matching his orange Crocs with light blue socks. I respect a man with a taste for whimsical footwear.
Actually, I own a few pairs of Crocs and they're fine shoes for working outside, walking in water or mud and they aren't any uglier (less ugly, I think) than the Nike-style running shoe.
I buy at thrift stores, and sure as goddamn I look at tags. Partly for the humor: ah-so, this woulda cost $80 new, and now I won't even pay $5, you piece of crap. Partly for the care information. And partly for the resale value---oh yes, I've managed to sell my wardrobe occasionally to raise emergency funds.
113: I'd put them in the New Wave category, myself.
M/tch has no faith in the materials-analysis-by-touch skills of thrift-store shoppers. For shame, M/tch!
fancy prose style
Oh, thanks a whole lot. Is it time to come back at you and say I suspect BR as the source of 110?
No, no, will, I'm quite sure you can come up with your own insults. Really.
Well, on the bright side, this makes it easy for us non crocs-wearing academics to look fabulous.
The same goes for social skills. Relative to my peer group, I am a veritable social genius! But not relative to the background population. The key is not to infer social eptness, simpliciter, from social eptness relative to academic life.
Yeah, thanks, I spend my life on multicultural work and I'd really like to parade around Europe with a giant cross on my luggage.
What do you do, Witt? What do you do? It just keeps sounding like you have a very exotic job.
Although I don't suppose any of us have exotic jobs, given the amount of time we spending commenting at work.
I used to remove all of my tags because the assassin in The Day of the Jackal did it, and I thought it was cool. And then I happened across a Christian Lacroix sweater and couldn't quite deface it, and then I realised that I was a little more materialist than Carlos the Jackal, and that that was okay.
Not even Blixa dresses that way any more!
AFAICT even when he dressed that way he didn't dress that way.
I respect a man with a taste for whimsical footwear.
He's called "Mario Batali" and he is unacceptable.
What do you do, Witt? What do you do? It just keeps sounding like you have a very exotic job.
Imports and exports!
Witt is a vampire hunter. She just wants to be discreet about it. Don't tell her I said.
If you take off the fancy tags, you're less likely to have your clothes stolen when you pass out drunk. Probably that's what Witt is thinking about.
It's a good thing B isn't here yet because she has some really bizarre ideas about shoes.
I have a pair of slippers--boiled wool with a sole--that have slowly become my most-of-the-time shoes. It's not like I really need to put on nice shoes to go to the grocery store, or to pick up PK at school. They're smelly if I absentmindedly slip them off, but what the hey.
Also, my beef with crocs isn't how they look, which I'm actually okay with. It's the vision I have of an enormous pile of non-biodegradable plastic shoes floating in the middle of the pacific ocean.
Blume would look cute wearing lederhosen and maybe yodelling.
He's called "Mario Batali" and he is unacceptable.
How great! Now there's an Iron Chef game for the Wii.
It's the vision I have of an enormous pile of non-biodegradable plastic shoes floating in the middle of the pacific ocean.
That's why I've never bought a fleshlight.
Also, Ben can lick the instep of my hooker boots.
wearing lederhosen
Multiple ones! At the same time!
131; Oh, you've just made Santa's job alot easier!!
But apparently you can rest your mind, B.
Also, Ben can lick the instep of my hooker boots.
I've been asking for years!
an enormous pile of non-biodegradable plastic shoes floating in the middle of the pacific ocean.
so true, and crocs must be bad for kidneys coz it should be like constant cold sensation from one's soles when wearing them
when i wear rainboots i have that sensation
It just keeps sounding like you have a very exotic job.
Professional trivia geek. There are very few of us, it's true.
Careful, Ben: watch out for the fluids!
Are Crocs less biodegradable than other non-leather shoes?
120: JM, don't be so easily led. If the assassin in The Day of the Jackal killed people, would you?
Are Crocs less biodegradable than other non-leather shoes?
Presumably than canvas shoes.
136: Nice and all, but they're still going to end up floating in the ocean one way or another.
141: Shoes made of fabric will biodegrade. And if their soles are actual rubber, I think they will as well. Generally speaking, I hear that the glue in most shoes is environmentally bad blah blah but I mean, a shoe made of solid plastic has to be about as bad as you can get.
142: As your attorney, Jack, I'm advising you not to answer that.
And wooden shoes biodegrade like a dream!
137: If you'd ever stick around long enough to do so, I'd be happy to let make you.
I don't know why 145 should make me burst out laughing, but it did.
You could also make the Coleridge lederhosen joke:
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
Ack, of course canvas shoes degrade. Other plastic shoes, I meant. My running shoes, for instance, have a few little panels of some kind of material, but are mostly plastic.
152: You should just start wrapping your feet in swathes of canvas when you run, Blume. It's the only responsible thing to do.
I don't know why 145 should make me burst out laughing
Early onset dementia?
154: It's only dementia if JM's not a cold-blooded assassin.
On another note entirely, has everybody already seen Google's new archive of Life Magazine photos?
I think there's a secret conspiracy to make knee-length boots larger in the calf. Five years ago, I only found one pair of boots that fit my (very serious) calves, and this year, I haven't found a single pair that is too small. This is weird for me, as I don't like having choices. And no, I am not thinner than I was five years ago.
I had noticed the same thing, but I had attributed it to some combination of boot manufacturers realizing that not every woman has stick-legs and the fashion for wearing jeans tucked into boots.
Also, very OT: My therapist has left town to care for an ill relative, and does not know when she's coming back. She gave me a recommendation for someone else, and I'm very tempted not to take it and just wait either for my therapist to come back or just discontinue, despite my enjoying therapy very much. Has anyone been forced to leave a beloved therapist and gone to someone else immediately afterward, on the therapist's recommendation? Is that awful?
re: 157
They are deliberately making some to go slouchy, too.
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Can somebody help me understand the context of this sign?
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159: I know I've shared some of my therapy success/horror stories here and at your place. I'm not sure I would have been quite as disappointed in #2 if I hadn't been so happy with #1 first. But a large part of that had to do with trying to start from square one with #2 while thinking "but #1 understood." Also, #2 seemed to feel compelled to discount everything #1 said as a bunch of psychobabble ("Oooh... 'Narcissism.' Such a big word!") making it impossible to build off of the already existing foundation. The fact that your good therapist recommended the second has to be a plus -- I would assume that implies an existing level of mutual respect such that the new one would actually be open to hearing about and building from the work with your good therapist.
The recommended analyst seems to be quite a bit older, and so may have been my own beloved analyst's analyst. But I guess I'm hesitant about working with someone that much older than me. Maybe it doesn't matter and I'm being ageist.
159: Depends on the nature of your relationship with the therapist. If you're prone to serious swings of mood and/or taking meds that need close watching, don't skip out on the substitute. If it's more a matter of hashing through dredged up shit that's got to be taken care of sooner or later but which doesn't have you reaching for booze or pills at the drop of a hat, I'd say take a wee break. It's easy for a shrink to become a permanent crutch when the process should be about moving from where you are to where you want to be as opposed to being a destination in and of itself. Sooner or later you want to be quit of the whole process anyway, and the only way to know when the time has arrived (and to clarify the criteria by which you'll know when the time has arrived) is to risk a faceplant.
Maybe it doesn't matter and I'm being ageist.
This is one of the very, very few areas in life in which I think it's almost necessary to be ageist. But the bias there (in my case) goes the other direction -- anybody who's going to be poking around in your psyche needs a certain amount of life experience, and the best 30-year-old still isn't going to have as much as the average 50-year-old.
That said, people are individuals, and therapists are people too.
I'd be reluctant to go to some twerpy young analyst. What does a 50-year-old know?
Jacques Lacan's suggestion would have been that you should just continue to write the cheques. (My only source for this is Zizek saying it)
It can be really hard to explain why you're despondent when your therapist is so old that s/he doesn't even know what American Idol is.
I'm not on any meds or in any kind of particular crisis, so therapy's not a must or anything. But one of the things I worry about with an older therapist is a possible knee-jerk about certain kinds of behaviors w/r/t gender and sexuality. I dunno. I think I need to let this sit a bit.
(Also, it's just very daunting to feel like I have to start over with someone new.)
Maybe it doesn't matter and I'm being ageist.
Maybe you are, I don't know. But I also think that if you feel less comfortable talking to someone older -- for good reasons or bad ones -- it will have an impact on what you are able to get out of the process. One of the interesting quirks of an older therapist was in making a reference to a "blog" (this one, I believe!) and then spending a quarter of my session trying to explain what a blog is...
That said, I know that I personally am really good at coming up with semi-logical sounding explanations like that to justify avoiding things I shouldn't be avoiding. (Eg., various issues that I avoided ever discussing with fabulous therapist #1 "because I didn't feel comfortable talking about that with a guy" when, actually, I just didn't really feel comfortable talking about it, period.) Maybe give it a shot, but ease in slowly -- every other week instead of every week, or whatever -- so you can have time to think about how things are going.
I think I need to let this sit a bit.
I think this is a good idea. I find letting things percolate for a while often clarifies them, especially things where I'm not sure what I really want.
If you're worried about age, AWB, I can recommend my hipster therapist, who turned up randomly at our first show (audience of maybe 50) because he just likes to hang out at experimental music venues!
Also, it's just very daunting to feel like I have to start over with someone new.
This is very much how I felt about dating again post-divorce. (And, more poignantly, about buying a new car after my beloved Civic, may she rest in peace, passed on.) I wonder if there's not some sort of therapy analog for the rebound? Get out there, see a bunch of different therapists, maybe try out some crazy new tricks -- cognitive behavioral! biofeedback! hypnosis!
"because I didn't feel comfortable talking about that with a guy"
That makes sense, I think. It's not that Guy Therapist is a shitty therapist, but because of who you are and where your emotional life is, you can't get as much out of him because of a block that's there. Maybe it would be good for me to see this person, just to see how it goes, but I may find that I'm just not as comfortable with her for reasons that have more to do with me than with who she is.
Anyhow, I don't mean to threadjack. I'll put up a post on my site if anyone wants to continue this discussion.
174: Hee. I may have scared him off! "Thank God my client in this band isn't as fucked up as the singer!"
Hey Bave and AWB, you should have another show between the 16th and the 22nd of December.
178: That's like a mechanic saying "thank God my client didn't need as much engine work!"
I do like the idea of seeing someone who's queer-friendly, which is part of what I am nervous about with an older person. I really don't want to spend a ton of time explaining my sexual orientations and proclivities.
This seems as good a lull as any for mentioning that I will probably go part-time in the new year...
Okay, now 183 seems alot more ambiguous with 182 there.
183: Huh, how part-time is part-time, if you catch my drift?
What sort of hours are you moving to?
183: A choice? Something foisted upon you? Is it because you wear sneakers to work so much?
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No Brennan.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/11/25/america/CIA-Brennan.php
Fear teh Greenwald.
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179: That's a good idea, but apparently our bandmate is failing French, so the timing might be bad. Plus, I assume, end-of-semester madness for AWB as well.
But when else will I get to see you?
I'll talk to the band. Maybe a mini-show in my living room or something.
190: Bave, it's the groupies who are supposed to go out of their way to please the band, not the other way around.
Ecco, Heebie - I swear by them. They make pretty shoes that are teh comfy. And Rockports. Both of which can be got new on eBay for a lot less than in the shops.
My kid wears some kind of chef's clogs; he loves them. He started out wearing some Redwing heavy-duty, non-skid shoe, but the clogs were recommended to him by a chef where he works. They are not Crocs. I think they're Birkenstock professional.
I will probably go part-time in the new year...
Congratulations -- assuming that it's desired.
192: I will echo the Ecco recommendation. Generally light and comfortable. Can be a bit pricey, but my general experience is that anything that functions as an interface to the ground is worth getting right (shoes, tires, house foundations).
185, 193: Oh, totally desired. Meaning about 30-35 hours/week. The managing partner for my office is really rather awesome and will be getting a very nice Christmas gift this year. (Where's Jesus' list of Wine for Dummies?)
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C just received "Protocol guidance for those being presented to Her Majesty The Queen or His Royal Highness The Duke of Edinburgh". Apparently men can do a 'neck bow' - otherwise known as a nod to everyone else - or simply shake hands in the usual manner.
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Di -- that's great. How did you negotiate that with your employer? Did you have to provide justification by stating a specific need? And how did you renegotiate your pay? Will they put you at a percentage of your former salary, or will you be paid as a contract hourly?
Sorry about the intrusive questions. I'd like to look into such an arrangement for myself, and have been wondering how other offices do it.
(Where's Jesus' list of Wine for Dummies?)
I'm not sure the partner would appreciate something off this list. Great to hear about the new hours though! Will you be cutting back to 3-4 days a week at the office then? Or just 5 shorter days? Either way, it's going to be a really nice change.
195: Congratulations! We will increase your minimum billable comments accordingly.
Where's Jesus' list of Wine for Dummies?
For best results, drink it after it's been turned from water but before it gets transubstianted.
(Where's Jesus' list of Wine for Dummies?)
Coming soon! I'm using the subject as a way of getting the lamer members of our winemaking cabal to pay attention to their goddamn blog.
I'll third the Ecco recommendation. In fact, I'm wearing quite a comfy pair of their shoes right now. Mmmm
The main annoyance I have with Eccos is that they can't really be resoled effectively. There's a service to replace a worn-through tread with a new vibram outsole, but it tends to ruin the lines of the shoe and not be as comfortable.
197: I sort of looked sad and pathetic and said, "Please can I go to 80%?" And the partner (well, one of three managing partners, but the one who knows me best) said, "But you don't really want a 20% paycut, it's not like you're billing 100% anyway." And I said, "Um, yeah, that's true. I'm happy to go 80% with less than a 20% paycut, if you'd feel better about that." And he said "Done deal. We'll come up with a number that's fair to both of us." I don't know what it is yet, of course, but it's so nice feeling like I totally trust that he will come back with something more than fair. For a guy with a reputation for being purely numbers driven, he has been the absolute best in my "getting my shit back together" phase.
I plan to work 4 days, but that may be 3 some weeks, 5 others, however it all balances out.
169: v. funny!
one of the things I worry about with an older therapist is a possible knee-jerk about certain kinds of behaviors w/r/t gender and sexuality.
a good therapist who is older should be A) non-judgemental (prerequisite for being good), and B) basically unshockable (therapist who has been around a while has seen it all...you should be well within the norm). If you like and are being helped by your current therapist I'd trust their reference -- they are kind of the world's leading expert on what kind of therapist would be good for you.
201: Hallelujah! Jesus is making the lame walkblog!
Apparently it's M/tch's day to keep Unfogged alive.
Whenever there's a meet-up pending, I get this compulsion to comment a lot. I guess I'm afraid I'll get to the venue and everyone there will go "Now who are you again? Are you new?"
Re. queer friendly, maybe Older Therapist is an old queen. Or lesbian. You never know.
It can be really hard to explain why you're despondent when your therapist is so old that s/he doesn't even know what American Idol is.
I think one of the reasons I loved my former therapist is I didn't have to explain to her what a blog was. That plus she was a lesbian.
209: You're doing very well at it, I was thinking maybe you had an important work deadline.
I think one of the reasons I loved my former therapist is I didn't have to explain to her what a blog was.
That reminds me. I meant to ask Di about this comment:
One of the interesting quirks of an older therapist was in making a reference to a "blog" (this one, I believe!) and then spending a quarter of my session trying to explain what a blog is...
REALLY? FOR REAL??!? WOW!!
212: "So, is that like a 'chat room' or something?"
Also: Di, you're not just commenting here because your therapist recommended it, are you?
How does that make you feel, M/tch?
I WAS HERE FRIST!!1!!!!
EVERYTHING'S COOL, MAN. CHILL. DON'T SWEAT IT.
217: Interesting. Very interesting. Tell me, did you mother blog?
My problems are very different from yours, but FWIW, the therapist I had the best relationship with - that's partly because I was moving around and/or had an irregular schedule when I was seeing others, but communication and stuff really did go unusually well with him - was old enough to be my grandfather. Occasionally it was weird to explain the details of stuff he wasn't familiar with, but overall, just listening and stuff was more important than age.
210: Hot girl-on-girl sex is not therapy, B.
219. Indeed. Tell me more about your interest in whether or not M/tch's mother blogged.
223: My mom... she... she never blogged. [sob]
212: to be fair to old people (um, older? Aging? what's the appropriate euphemism?), it doesn't sound that weird that someone would need to ask about a blog. If they've never even heard the word "blog", then yeah, they're dangerously Luddite-ish. But if they've heard about blogs but not regularly read one themselves, would they think it's more like Daily Kos or wonkette.com or a Livejournal or what? I remember LB describing Buck's reaction to learning about Unfogged as something like "I thought you were sort of like a small-time pundit, now I find out blogging is just making cock jokes at work?"
Wait. Hold on. I misread Di's 172. I thought she was saying that her therapist mentioned Unfogged, and then he or she spent a quarter of the session explaining to Di what a blog was (presumably Di was playing dumb so as not to out herself). Hence my "HOLY SHIT!!?!" reaction in 212.
Now my reaction is just a mere "Huh."
And 216 was much funnier before my enlightenment.
Donnie: My parents didn't get me what I wanted for Christmas.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: What did you want?
Donnie: Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: And how did you feel, being denied these hungry, hungry hippos?
Donnie: Regret.
226: Oh, that would have been much funnier that way. However, my commenting would have instantly morphed into "Yes, great post. I'm feeling especially well adjusted today!"
Maybe the problem is more like Di's Guy Therapist problem. If I am talking to a woman who's about my mother's age about my sex life, I'm going to limit what I say because I'll be paranoid that she will read certain kinds of pathologies into it that I've already ruled out and would be annoyed to have to answer to them. It took me three and a half months to even feel comfortable talking about sex with my most recent therapist.
It was pretty wild to finally realize out that my therapist was Ogged.
Tell me, did you mother blog?
Yes, I did.
It took me three and a half months to even feel comfortable talking about sex with my most recent therapist.
This makes me feel much, much better. So it's not just that I am especially uptight?
229: So you don't have any ballpark whatsoever as to how long your therapist will be out for?
I'm not uptight, I don't think. It's easy for me to talk about sex with strangers. But it's harder for me to talk about it with people who might actually try to interpret what I'm saying. There are a lot of combinations of impulses there that make interpretation very difficult, not just for therapists and friends, but also for long-term partners. And I pretty much hate it when someone says, "Oh! You said thing X about your sex life, so what must be true about you is Y!" Granted, actual sex partners are a lot dopier about this than therapists, but I still don't like the part where I have to repeatedly tell people their assumptions are very limiting.
234: No, I don't, unfortunately. She called off our meeting on election day, which was fine with me because I was preoccupied, changed the time of the next week's meeting, and has cancelled the past two weeks altogether due to her family crisis. And whatever it is, it sounds serious enough that she may not be in good enough psychological shape afterward to provide care for others. (Possible loss of a parent? That would make listening to my petty problems awfully hard.) So she said she doesn't know how long it will be until she's on a stable schedule again. I might just wait it out, but it could be a long time.
I still don't like the part where I have to repeatedly tell people their assumptions are very limiting.
That makes sense. I'd probably get there, too -- but first I'd have to get past worrying that people would tell me that my choices are immoral, ill-advised, self-destructive, and downright asinine.
More seriously, that sentence sums up my reservations about therapy/intimacy period. "But in 1997 you said X, at which point I knew everything there ever was to know about you!"
236: What I'd probably do is have the number of the other therapist, but not call it unless I hit a patch where I really wanted to talk to someone therapisty.
"But in 1997 you said X, at which point I knew everything there ever was to know about you!"
Arg. Yes. This is why I like strangers.
But it's harder for me to talk about it with people who might actually try to interpret what I'm saying.
Heh.
Find yourself a nice gay male therapist. IMX, they are non-judgmental re: sex, there's no underlying tension re: male/female relationships, and they never remind you of your mother.
If I am talking to a woman who's about my mother's age about my sex life
Think of the wonderful possibilities for transference here!
If I am talking to a woman who's about my mother's age about my sex life
Mrs. Robinson: Benjamin.
Benjamin: Yes?
Mrs. Robinson: Isn't there something you want to tell me?
Benjamin: Tell you?
It was pretty wild to finally realize out that my therapist was Ogged.
That must've been utterly unhelpful.
"But I still can't get myself to pee when other people are also in the public bathroom!"
"Oh, that's completely normal. Unless... Do you wash your hands before you leave if you see other guys in there?"
244: "Why do you so strongly resist the controversy surrounding the new Speedo Olympic swimsuits?"
Why do you so strongly resist discussing the controversy ...
re 209 ... so tell us about yourself M/tch - have you done much travelling? Ever been to China?
Whenever there's a meet-up pending, I get this compulsion to comment a lot. I guess I'm afraid I'll get to the venue and everyone there will go "Now who are you again? Are you new?"
There is a meet-up pending?
I wasnt invited? Again?!?!
so tell us about yourself M/tch - have you done much travelling? Ever been to China?
This is much more funny since our neighbor's three year old refers to her girl parts as her china.
Texas doesn't want you, will.
Who needs them?
refers to her girl parts as her china
It took me longer to figure out that etymology than it should have.
wow, therapy talk is everywhere.
wow, therapy talk is everywhere.
This seems to trouble you. Why?
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Everybody should just go to the health club! Or the massage therapist! Did you know that your health insurance plan may include a discount for these places?!? Why, there are half a dozen health clubs within 10 miles of me that offer 50-80% off memberships! Also massage therapists for 30% off!
Also also, Reiki! And personal trainers and yoga instructors! 30% off! Woo!
(Jumping in without reading the thread) heebie--have you tried the dansko clogs? I see them on nurses and surgical types all the time.
252: And to add to the layers of meaning, "China" is synonymous with "buddy" or "pal" in white South African (and Zimbabwean) argot, as in "Howzit, my China" or if you are an especially ultrahip anglo South African from the late 1980s "Hoooosayt mey China."
That's from rhyming slang. China plate = mate.
So Cockney rhyming slang made it all the way to southern Africa?! That's profoundly cool. OTOH there's some weird-ass slang among the flotsam of empire in SA, some of which is very clearly Indian in origin, some Arabic, so perhaps it's not too surprising.
AWB,
I know somebody whose therapist dropped her. She still has a psychiatrist, but she hasn't told him that she doesn't have a therapist, because he'll want her to see someone at the same hospital, and she was unhappy with a previous therapist there.
She called up for another appointment, and about 3 weeks later the therapist said that she didn't have time to see her. She didn't even refer her to another one, and this woman is on some serious meds.
She doesn't seem terribly difficult to deal with, not a "bad" patient.
57 - oh, and because I forgot last night, LB, you could *totally* get away with the Crocs Alice- my 10 year old's got them and they just look like proper shoes.
249: A friend of mine has one biological daughter and one adopted from China and reports that there was some confusion explaining where babies come from.
I find Eccos often too narrow for my ludicrously wide feet and am generally stuck with stuff from Gabor. Most of their shoes are deeply boring, though. I also now have custom orthotics for my pronation issues and generally boots are better for accomodating these. Luckily I wear trouser suits all the time so flattish boots are perfectly acceptable from autumn to spring.
